Divorce & What to Expect

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Thank you for listening to this. podcast one production available on Apple podcasts. And podcast one. Hi there I'm Laura are Wasser and if anyone knows how much divorced sucks it's me. I've been practicing family. Law For over twenty five years and worked on thousands of divorces from the top of the food chain and all the way down to my very first case which was my own divorce when I was twenty five it has become my life's mission to de stigmatize divorce and create a community around what is already already a difficult time. We call it the evolution of dissolution so. Welcome to the divorced sex podcast where we talk about breaking up getting divorced and moving on on my firm represents high net worth clients. It's rich people which is great for me and the lawyers at my firm but the truth is that the majority of divorcing couples cannot afford our services all the time time I had people call me and ask. Can you help my friend's sister who lives here or whatever but they don't have enough money for you or they don't WanNa spend the money that you're from charges. I I never had any great to send these people in response I wrote. It doesn't have to be that way and created it's over easy dot com to educate people full about the divorce process and to disrupt the conversation about how people actually get divorced in the US. You shouldn't need to have an attorney in order to disentangle untangle yourself from your marriage we're offering a fresh perspective and online tools to dissolve marriage without bankrupting yourself or destroying your family. It's over easiest totally free until you've actually input your information and WanNa file something with the court and it's available now in all fifty states for those of you who are whereas skeptical about being able to keep things amicable. Let me put it this way. You know your kids better than anyone and you know your finances better than anyone or if you don't know you will know and you certainly will care more than anyone. So why allow the courts the state or anyone else for that matter to make decisions which will impact the well being of your children and your bank account. We're going to get into this through the experience of courageous divorce as whom we've interviewed for the launch of its over easy in hindsight each of them which has done it differently away. Today's show is the first a new series of special episodes highlighting real divorce stories. After you've listened leave us a review and tell us if you can relate for me. The divorce process was confusing and it was also tricky. Because I work with my ex wife. She was a few deaths down and I'd have to see her every day. It also made it very contentious between us as our lawyers tried to work this out. I'd have to walk by desk or there'd be a snide comment and the cost. The cost is seemed to keep adding up time after time after time. And I get it. But you know I didn't realize the retainer would go so quickly I didn't realize there were certain aspects that I should be looking forward food ahead with that divorce that would protect me in the future ultimately. I just really felt lost. I spent I don't know twenty years as an investigative television news reporter really thinking I knew the processes thinking at least I had a vague understanding of what was going on how it was going but when you put that emotional card into the divorce wars on top of it the how contentious it can be between both parties. You know all my rational thinking really went out the door and you know oh I just really felt taken advantage of by both attorneys on either side. You know. We didn't have a whole lot. They have to split up and it should have been more. We're simple than what it was and a lot less money than what it was and ultimately I'd find out twelve years later. I wasn't even protected in the areas that I should have been so I feel feel like Rob's story is a lot like other people's stories having to deal with something business related in a rational manner while you're going through a really emotional national time and then adding to that the fact that you're really depending on somebody else. Your advocate your mouth piece to make a deal for you. I think if you are invested and if you are able to learn enough about the divorce laws in your state in order to apply those laws to your situation Asian. I couldn't help them with whereas desk is in the office and having to have his wife ex wife walked by him. But I can definitely tell you that I think it would have gone easier. And perhaps most most importantly in this scenario they would have saved some money that they obviously both needed in in the second half of their lives. I'm certainly this next woman. Felice Baxter from San Diego California. Her story is similar if not a bit more colorful. Hello Obsolete Baxter and I am fifty fifty four years old and I live in San Diego California. I'm on my yacht today and I wanted to talk to you about divorce. 'cause I've had to happily married ten ten years now so there is light at the end of that tunnel really genuinely but for me. Here's my big thing about a divorce when anybody tells me they're going to get a divorce first thing I'd say the first thing they say is it's GonNa be amicable split everything fifty fifty you are not going to find and we're GONNA make sure we don't give everything to the attorneys. We don't want to waste our money. Okay that's not what happens. That's not how it's going to go down You're married you're fighting. You don't want to be together so you're gonNA suddenly divorce amicably now. Because maybe one person's cheating maybe someone has a partner whispering the ear. Don't give her the house. Why are you going to pay child support because people have their own agendas so it starts out? Okay let's get divorced and then it gets super complicated so now the person that benefit from that is the attorneys because when you call them they want to be helpful in team really nice and the. Don't don't be fooled when you call them. And they're being sweet and Nice. They're charging you. That's how they make their living then not just being compassionate person to talk into their. You're paying them. It's like a psychiatrist who pay them. So don't fall for it. Have a plan. My thing is be prepared to fight be prepared for attorney bills be prepared for anything that can negatively happen because it. There's there's a really good chance it's going to happen. And if it doesn't bet you say all that money no one. No one was harmed in the making of this video so the other thing that I found for my second divorce is I had his passport and documents and we will live in Europe Europe and I was thinking no. We're gonNA divorce because we just don't want to be married together and it's going to be nice and I go. Who should pay documents? Oh had I not done that. And held onto them as like a little bargaining chip for later on when he started his garbage then I could have said well. I'm not giving you the documents documents and Michael Best kind of mean. But that's what I mean by being prepared beast mart about it have something to bargain with. You get through it obviously and I am going to be renewing my vows right now Shortly for ten years married to my my lovely husband are you. So that's it. That's that's what I have have a lot more to say about it but I only got two minutes to talk about it so it's not gonNA happen nicely you're gonNA fight. It's going to be expensive. It's not not gonNA be amicable. Go into it knowing that. So if you go into it knowing this is GonNa end bad you start at different from the beginning mentally prepared for that. I hope that makes sense so for felice who clearly realizes how helpful a platform like. It's over easy. Could have been for her first or second divorce. I we say. Thank you for telling us about your experience again. Maybe a couple more red flags would have been the fact that her second husband's first wife colder older that he was going to bankrupt her. Also you know. I've heard many many times that people get so frustrated with their attorneys and this is a function Shen not only of the kind of law that family law attorneys practice but of the fact. That people aren't completely clued in on what it is. A family law attorneys job is one thing I agree with her about. Is that if every communication has to go through the attorneys. It's going to cost more than it should and even if you have an attorney was the most well meaning and the most responsive and the most exploratory so if they tell you yes every time you call me. It's going to cost money. You still have to call them. Certain Times with it's ever easy. We really lay out this platform for you. We enable you to learn about the process yourself and then engage in it. I don't know how much we can help you. If you've married a con artist but but obviously she ended up on her feet because she was talking to us from her yacht so fully spoke about her. You know three thousand or thirty five hundred dollar retainer. I don't know not very many attorneys. That would charge actually that little for retainer generally retainers GonNa be somewhere upwards of five thousand dollars of. We did research when when we were beginning to develop. It's over easy and found that the average divorce case in the United States is fifteen thousand dollars lers and it's over fifteen hundred dollars that's all in and you really do cut out the middleman which for many many couples is incredibly helpful. A lot of things that get lost in translation like a game of telephone that we used to play when we were little. Are things that you really when you have the direct communications occasions through our platform. You can obviate. Chris Can Atla each forty Los Angeles California. Here's a worse other netter. If you have a child they're not done onto. The child has grown up or whenever that horror says that child is done it could be eighteen or could it be twenty four stage depending on whether the Done with high school or College. Reality is I've been dealing with percents years with core from either the parenting plan aspect. or The you know. The other part of the divorce reveal with the household household stuff. I she filed for divorce. We went through. That process is split of the marital assets. wrote the parenting plan in which seven years ago right but even knew that process took nine months to get through but then she kept fighting me to bring back court like a damn. She gives me at filed contempt motion. She said relied on our tax richards. Course she did this two years after a court was settled so I got dragged back in at one point before Sharaf to California. She was with another guy who's fighting fighting for full custody so I had a custody battle literally had to pay the site cycle assuring. Twenty five hundred bucks. They're going to evaluate me for my apparently fitness at all. This shit well paid. The money went through the process last minute she she dropped. It added up the property. Twenty thousand the out of pocket just from from growing up and Pity Tonight at eight o'clock or because he screwed up dates didn't file motions in time a inherently curtis conflict in the legal process lawyers who are Trying to fade you the anytime in trying to get it make a living so the longer drag out were they make money and that was one of my my complicated process you can do it. I don't know if this legal we say it without a lawyer. Ah maintain peace with each other. Assuming there's no mental illnesses or anything else involved. That's the way to go get a hold your motions aside back your anger sadness bitterness and if one of them wants to leave the marriage then you're both got down in Reasonably discussed the dissolution. It really because the conflict creates a just only life. Jay Destroying so as Chris says I mean I had a client all the time when they come into my office listened. Listen the more you argue the more money I make. If you can get on the same page with things then we can distill it into an agreement and that agreement can be the one that you guys live by or if you need to be flexible and change it you can getting me at nine hundred dollars an hour involved to determine determine who drives to soccer practice or who has wednesdays or if in even numbered years. Christmas is yours or his doesn't make a lot of sense. I mean you don't have to have a law degree to be able to do this and it's funny that Chris said I don't know if this is legal to say but can you get divorced without a lawyer will get dude. Of course it's legal. It's legal to do and it's legal to say. I am amazed that people don't realize this folks we are offering you the opportunity to read and educate educate yourselves about divorce. And then if you are going to actually begin divorce you can do it on your own. We will help you if you if you give a man. Dan fishy has food for one day. But if you teach them to farm. He has food for the rest of his life. I mean hopefully you're not getting divorced for the rest of your life but we're giving you the information and the education and the tools to do this on your own. We are there to help. We have professionals who you can opt out of the program momentarily seek their assistance for certain issues and then come back but honestly if you've got kids particularly don't you owe it to them to figure out a way to do this. That makes sense save money for their college education and save the toxicity that you will otherwise spend because Chris said this goes on until and he he says until they're age out whether that's eighteen twenty one. I don't know what it's it's twenty four and I haven't heard of that but the fact is it's their whole lives you're always going to be dealing with with your co parent and so let's do it in a way that makes sense. I mean what Chris spoke about is his lawyer miss deadlines I mean. Hope his lawyer would have maybe given him a break on the fees. If the deadlines were miss but with you buck stops there. You miss the deadline. That's on you. You're not paying somebody else are paying for somebody else's mistake his wife bringing him back to court however many years years later she would have had intimate knowledge of his finances signed under penalty of perjury. She wouldn't have had to take him back or necessarily been second guessing if she had been in the weeds in the first place. Getting that kind of information on. It's over easy. We also have a great parenting calendars parenting plans examples for people. So many people say to me. Look we know we're going to share custody equally. But what does that look like. I've got a fourteen year old or I've got a three year old and because I've been doing this for a while because I've been speaking to many many people in the family lock community whether it's attorneys or financial planners or mental health professionals. I asked what makes oh sense for a three year old. What's it kind of custody schedule? That makes the most sense versus custody. That makes the most sense for kids that are in middle school or high school gold. Generally and again it's case Pacific. It's best for younger. Kids to have more frequent and continuing contacts. Do something like a two to three plan or a two to five five plan and check out. It's over to see what that actually means. Older kids can go week on week off alternating with parents. A lot of it depends on where the parents live. These are things people should be thinking about as they're getting into their disillusion process if we're gonNA live an hour away from each other that's going to impact what we're doing for custody where the kids go to school. How along there in the car where we're going to trick or treat with them all of those things and we have helpful hints about all of that on our website other tools to determine what an appropriate amount of spousal lurch support could be figuring? Those things out judges. Don't know any better than you do. They're sitting up. There was some kind of a guideline calculator plugging numbers and spitting them out. God forbid they plugged wrong number and were there to new to realize what the different nuances are. We can help you with that so that you're armed with knowledge which will make it better for your negotiating gating with your spouse or about to be axed and make it easier to figure out what it is you need. I say to people all the time that say I have no idea what what I spend you know. She's in charge of all the bills or he pays everything from his office. You will know and I say you'll never be in this position again because now you're going to know you're going to be the master of your own destiny figuring that out now makes more sense than figuring it out after two attorneys have gotten into it taking a bunch of money to represent you and then you're now left holding the bag on your own and get into it on the on the front end. Obviously it's difficult to put your faith into somebody else's hands we do this a lot with family law TURNI's and most of them are great people problems over but again the way these forms have been set up and again and and they're they're older and they're difficult and they're confusing but we can help you with. They were meant for people to be able to represent themselves and self fill out the form so look at them. See what it is that you can you generally will know oh your name and some states ask for social security number. You've probably got that somewhere I hope you know the day you got married. Some people don't really know the date they separated. Because that's a tougher one but we'll explain that to you. See what you can do on your own dip your toe in the water and let us see if we can help you because again. All of this information is information that by the the end of the divorce process whether you're represented or not you're going to want to know so maybe on the front end start checking it out and let us help you filling out those forms that you need to dissolve the status of your marriage in the state where you live. I I'm Cheryl David. I'm sixty three three years old and I live in Los Angeles California. I think I personally had the single worst divorce of anyone. I know. My fees record of a million dollars not in that's not including the you know the Pi or the therapist. I had to hire afterwards enduring. It was nightmare for me. I had a beautiful home in Bel Air and back home was sold just to pay for attorney's fees it. It never went from escrow into any checking account for either of us. If you have children you think that you're keeping them from getting hurt by issue things that maybe it's not affecting them. I'm here to tell you that it does. It was impossible to navigate on my own. which was what was happening happening? And I dealt with more than one attorney the second attorney I ended up calling but that was after three years. A just trying to make this train stop and I called another attorney and said please all I want. All I want is peace piece at one point you just you just get to the point where he want peace in your life and you just wanted over which is what it took took six and a half years and a twenty one day trial in my case to get this over and that's a big part of your life when you think about it to devote vote that much time to something that's just filled with negative energy. It was awful. It was terrible and I ended up in situation where the judge actually called called myself. And my my second attorney and said we're aware of the fact that this is not fair. I see very clearly. What your ex husband is doing? And I can't solve any for you. I really really could've used someone who understood the system and that's the one thing I never understood the system. I'm not an attorney I don't I've never. I've never been in a courtroom until that time with this platform. You don't have to go through what I went through. You can have it over easy quickly without the expense without without the emotional draining of your resources and I only wish that there had been something like this platform for me. I think that would've really made our lives and our future much better. Oh Cheryl I mean nobody's divorced last six and a half fears and nobody should have to undergo a twenty one day trial as to the two hundred and fifty thousand dollars at a cost to get it done. It must have been a while ago because again and I've seen more than that be spent and couldn't that money have gone to better things whether it's her family. Her kids nonprofit organizations innovations world peace world. Hunger there's no reason that it should take that long particularly if as she said her husband was willing to get things done early early on for a small amount we are here. We are available part of it. Sounds to me like it might have had to do with some of the psychological blocks and what we always said. It's ever easy. It's important to get the kind of counseling that you need not only to be able to effectively communicate with your about to be ex but then to be able to wrap your head around the fact that there needs to be closure and you need to move on and like she said at one point she just called her attorney and said anything. I'll do anything. I just just give me the piece that I need. We WanNa do that from the outset. And I've said this before on the podcast so many people all have said to me. If only I knew then what I know now and I thought to myself how do we give people that kind of knowledge. And that's why I wrote the book that's all we have the podcast. That's why we have it over easy to make you know then what you will know later. We're giving that information to frontloading when you're getting you to a place where you're not going to say at some point. I just need this too and it's GONNA end fairly quickly after it begins. You're both going to be Aqel partners in making sure that that happens in moving forward worst case scenario you hit a wall and you have to have to opt out but wouldn't it be better to find that at the beginning and see what you know it is a. It's an incredibly empowering experience to be able to learn the law in your state and then attempt to apply it to what's going on with you This may be the last thing that the two of you do as a couple. And it doesn't have to be a fun experience or a reconciling process. But at at the same time it is a way that will really really. I think and I have seen help you with that bridge through to the next phase of your life what we offer for you here as your full divorce. Resources is a community not only other individuals who are either going through it or have been through it but all kinds of accessible tools to use beyond this divorce sucks podcast. We've over his ETV. which has I think helpful videos and about things like like what's the best way to separate how to talk to your kids? What kind of mental health counseling could be appropriate or or helpful to your family? What is your date of separation operation? What does that mean in your state on the actual platform? We've got the insights blog so we have people that have written articles about certain things people that have written articles about what happened to them. Damn we've got professionals. We've got anecdotes. We've got what not to do. Our social media is at its over easy. We've got a twitter page. There's so so many different resources that we are bringing to us that you can be the master of your own destiny. You know we want to be able to help you through it and for more or than anything so that we can change the face of divorce we call this the evolution of disillusion. It never made sense to me that during my twenty five years of practice things hadn't really evolved in family law and I feel that it's incumbent upon me and those of us who feel like minded to change that conversation. Thank you rob. Rob Felice Chris and Cheryl for sharing some of your stories with us. And thank you all for listening divorces many things and yes it will be stressful and even though we say it's over Risi we know divorce is an easy in fact. We know divorce sucks. It's terrible it's painful. It's heart wrenching. Those parts of it we are guessing people will go throughout their spouses. Their support systems their mental health professionals and their families. I want the legal and business transaction. Part of this to be easier for you guys. This is what we call the evolution of disillusion divorces happening but it doesn't have to be destructive and contentious leave a review for us at I tunes and tell me what you think of today's show or share your divorce story with us and maybe we'll have you on our show sixty seconds. That's exactly how long this commercial s you know what else you can do in about a minute. Get an offer for your car with Truecar. That's right in the amount of takes to floss your teeth pet your dog do a few sit ups or just listen to my voice you can get the true cash offer. Best of all you can do it from your smartphone Or home just go to truecar and simply enter your license plate number and watch. How your car's details pop-up answer a few questions and you'll get an accurate true cash offer from a local truecar certified dealer? It's that easy after that you can bring your car in and they'll check it out with you together. 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