A mouse in the house with Guy Branum

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Hello welcome to the endless honeymoon podcast or we starting now it'll have to still chewing nicotine gum trying to chew to a last second shoe to the to the red light goes on. We are on the Air Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Mosha casher and I'm Natasha Zero. Spit it out. You can always tell someone's talking with a lot of Nicorette and you can feel it's kind of like Tacos of what my old podcast partner Neal Brennan that I used to do a podcast with called the champs he used to eat cheeseburgers while we were dead casting. You'll be like cheeseburger person he's like such a healthy eater with no maybe it was a Vegan cheeseburger, but it's still like a full on Burger. So be good you're starting calling through. Rule. Anyway how are you? You look good. You look beyond say. Well you know, I have a closet full of clothes up stairs I used to wear out to my shows. So now I'm just kind of I asked me. I asked my child to pick out an outfit today. She said this looks cool. Because you know why I had a robot until six. So what I feel much better. I'll tell you what I like. This is not an original observation, but it is very freeing to if you're working on zoom, it's very freeing to go to work in shorts and just like. The gaff either Gov. And do you don't give a fuck? That's cool. But what about the top? Nothing on top shorts on the bottom nothing on the top sometimes some shaving cream in my chest hair i. feel like if I had a zoom job I would always be like ten fifteen minutes late Armand time all the time you know what I like my commute. Commute is rolling over. That's my favorite part. Pop Over I. Shower I've taken a shower or one minute before the writer's room start. I literally in the shower suds in my hair. Gently stroking my myself getting ready for the WORKDAY. Well, this reminds me I, think we should call our our guests because now he has the jobs and I'd love to get his take. Zoom jobs in writers rooms, but he you and I used to all work in a writer's room together on period on your show and other period we've also had his own show. He had a game, the game show which I was actually wearing. A swag. This very afternoon. We started comedy together in San Francisco. Yeah. Only one of the funniest people I know you should get his book too Oh. He is just a brilliant comedic mind good person and quite a good quail chef. Oh my God. He's an Amazing Chef Ladies and gentlemen the One and only Guy Branam. Yomas do you have a business that requires male? I do you do? I mean I like Mellow Fan mail headshots. Let's say you're fan mail and headshot got so big. You started a little cottage industry doing okay. Well, you should use a company that makes shipping easier a company like ship station. When you're selling online, getting a massive amount of orders out quickly can be tough. How do you keep track of who gets what which shipping carriers should you use? 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I like our mattress. What mattress is that that is a helix mattress. He looks mattress. There's a lot of mattress companies out there, and this is our favorite one. It's a tough time to sleep right now because politics pandemics your love life. Listening to podcasts keep you up all night. HELIXSLEEP has a quiz takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect match for you. If you like a mattress, it's really soft or firm or you sleep on your side or your back your stomach really hot with Helix as a specific mattress for each and everybody's unique taste. We took the quiz we were matched with a firm. He looks mattress and it's cool. I'm a stomach sleeper and that's what I like put Natasha's not so. I my side and I wanted a little more. I don't have back issues because I'm you know you're looking spry? Yes. But don't take our word for it. He looks is not only the recommendation of this podcast. It's also been awarded the number one best mattress pick up twenty, nineteen and twenty, twenty by G.. Q. And wired magazine just go to helix dot com slash honeymoon take their two minute sleep quiz and they'll match you a customize mattress. They'll give you the best sleep of your life. We've got a ten year warranty you can try it out for one hundred nights risk-free and they'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it but we know you will once again. Helix sleep dot com slash honeymoon helix. H. E.. L. I. X. SLEEP DOT COM slash honeymoon for up to two hundred dollars off. I. Brennan Haggai. Pretty. Good. How are you? I'm doing well I am in other city And she's falling from. Is It on fire? City and village fire, but the mountains on either side of us are so. We're just getting the act and the real apocalyptic. So it looks like Farren Cisco was pretty fucking creepy today to look like Mars but my question guy, how close are you to like a like do people there think you need to evacuate We don't need evacuate, but my niece's boyfriend had to evacuate she daylight live up in the mountains where we lived on about a rare. So I say the fire is not going to get. There was a fire over at this place called. Mammoth. Pool and there was one hundred and fifty campers trapped there and the Sheriff said you may need to jump in the pool. That was the escape plan and just go into the body. Is California over guy is this unsustainable? I. Think it's entirely possible I mean like let's accountable is saying the world is ending his now hack I feel like hope is the old they comedians choice because Like it just like it really just keeps getting worse. Oh you're saying like the subversive, the subversive punk rock messages for a person and be like you know I really think everything's GonNa be okay. Yeah. That you think about it you think like Corona police shootings. The election. I global warming. What's good though we got a good good stuff the economic collapse. I'm just saying it's like it's all happening at once. Natasha we have HBO MAC and peacocks we've got. The Turner Classic Movies Collection About that I was just scrolling through it because my mother doesn't know how to operate the Apple. TV. Trying to find something to entertain her while I was on with is is What's he walks in? What did we land on She was spending shoots having more fun slowly perusing the option than actually selecting anything which I respect. So you are just quarantining with your family that's really cool and your mom must have done something right for you to be willing to do that. I would only back because I was here from types over last time I. saw you guys. City, the plastic Passover destination. But I only came back because it was my birthday and then I needed to pitch a show that is directly knocking my family and so I needed to be in my mom how? Nineteen eighty one copy of woman. To properly show you gotTA freshen up and you're there for inspirations I would do that. That's really funny. Guy When you're in Yuba city for an extended period of time like do you what's up with like? Like. Is is that just off the table or or their secret on clubs? It is largely off the table I'm not saying that I have not. Here I. AM saying that the grinder population is mostly nineteen year olds who if not acquired the capital Jerry? Having acquired the capital to leave. Yes, it's like it's like forty nineteen year olds and farmer Tom. Tom I said No. No it's very true. It's a little unfortunate like Ours has to be like, no like. A wonderful thing that I've learned from grinder in that settlement was exactly forty seven miles away from my. Is that doable? Anything, I mean. Not Not, really I mean I would have to be here extended here the. Ronan virus essentially that I started. Commuting to Sacramento. For, that sort of thing just to West Hollywood, which is the grand into banks of Bryant during. Just. Throw out a net and your vote is full efficient. Yeah. But way just the way pretty soon guesses going to pop up in your West Hollywood grinder feed. Former. Tom. He's back baby. Well Guy I'm glad that you're safe and that you're by a lake. Guy We have a gay question glass you a gay question. Okay. Let's see if you're qualified answer it because really it's a lesbian question and I know that you you've only dabbled We had a call last week. Where caller? Okay see how you would have handled this a caller was in a relationship with a man wanted to stay in the relationship with the man loved and was attracted to the man but was saying I'm ninety nine percents. Sure I'm gay what do I do? It's a woman it was a woman so I was like. My advice was. Well it sounds like you're too worried about figuring out your identity and you can just be attracted to your tractor to, but then I was like I mentioned the word identity a lot. But then I was like I don't know the answer to this question. The felt like a young person thing more even a queer thing. Is is that what is is that a thing like I am gay? My identity is gay but I am in a relationship with an opposite sex person that a modern thing what do you think? I mean, it's interesting because I'm like is this person bisexual and they don't feel comfortable identifying as bisexual because we love to erase by factual or just took on a attention seeking or Smutty and me saying not only reaffirmed that idea in you're listening public but I also think women are like nice and don't want to hurt people's feelings and like I can see this person you know she's a into have opposite sex relationships like we all are gets into a relationship with a guy who should right I mean the thing is it's cheap to be and go be a lesbian for awhile. All that lesbian have to offer her and I feel like this would just be. Slowly pulling she wants to very slowly bandage and try to not hurt guy and it's only going to hurt him worse. Maybe he would get them to three way out of it. On the way out. What do they call it to deport the parting gift or whatever I think you gave me one of those did your your game show I think you gave me like a band saw. Is always so bad when you know it's the last time you're gonNA fuck the person on the way out so That's funny. I don't know that I had a lot of that because I didn't have a lot of sustained stuff going on. Well, it's not great. Well, maybe you and I will have some some they'll be able to tell you. I'm Guy, do you feel qualified to at least if you don't give people advice, just make fun of their problem or something. You can also be nice to them. That's boring that's not good content and. All. Three of US know that we've done a panel show well, I want to ask you what you think of the coronavirus but most you'll probably get mono. Guys probably guy your wasn't the smartest people we collectively knows. Someone I wish I would've been talking to more on this pandemic like is there anything that you've learned or thought or are looking forward to or do you just want to give this? I. Truly horrifying moments. First of all, it's first week. You guys are various kind as well as I would I got like. A poll like an official like from Colin Company Paul and I was filling it out and I got to the Question Gee you beers that the corona virus was created in a lab. And it was a situation of like I understand intellectually but that is a bunker. Conspiracy Theory I also I said yes. I. Love. I love the rational world I love believing in our technocrats I, Love Understanding that viruses are incubating all the time and global warming is probably making them incubate even faster but I was like, no, it's. Possible that this is some sort of. fucked up like. Like plot but Chinese government to get rid of old people or to like destabilize world politics that we wouldn't notice why they stole Song Cong. which did worked out very well for them, I so. So, are you saying then guy this is this Cunanan. This is Everything Natasha. Doesn't really understand what Cunanan so. Everything weird that anybody does she's like is that Q. and on is this cute guy isn't saying that he believes that it's created in a lab. So I believe he is I mean. I when I was listening to the BBC that that was still on the table, it wasn't like necessarily nefarious. It was just these mistakes happen. There's Mishandling of ex- you know an and also did happen to happen right at the time when everyone was coming and going in the Chinese New Year. So that was like exacerbated at all and then shot it out across the world. And also. China has. Had such like a a low infection rate compared to a? Point of human on it's hard to track. You have to vote chewing on antesa gate arm methods like both not. Matlock. Lake. well, a bunch of now celebrity dirt are adjective pedophila like I don't. Want to be fair to be fair. There's a lot of celebrities. There's only one adjective and it's always. They don't have a bigger race in their accusations I. Same wires anyone still talking about that. That is just like the if that's the only evidence, that's the only example of their of their system or their. Example the one that everyone sites, every time I ask them and I'm like that was just a facebook like. That wasn't that just a joke or something or off is so obvious it wasn't real will it was not real and they they knew for sure it wasn't real when the man burst into the pizza place with a with a machine gun and kick down the door to find the basement and they're like much like. Great Adventure. There was no basement in the office. So they weren't saying they weren't saying that I store your pizza game. Is Still. Possible. Point. A to what that that violence could happen again. I believe that it will I. If I had to guess I would say that it will Cunanan is a is a real quick quagmire but I do think it's a funny I kind of do you understand it guy? Do. You want me to give you the. Thirty second version share. Okay. Four. Okay Four Chan was this like meam aggregated website was kind of the beginning of the like the funny Internet, but it was also the beginning of the the racist Internet and the The nihilistic. We'll do what we want and troll you so hard. It will destroy you. Internet right. That turned that turned into a bunch of different websites that have kind of gone down the tubes because as that floodgate opened or it was like there are no rules and you can post anonymously the content started to become more and more horrifying to getting to like deeply racist deeply awful. But it was all generated by this anon- anonymous posting thing. No one ever knew who was posting what so you can post anything the most horrifying things in the world you could docs people you could send you could swap people because nobody knew who was doing what then all of a sudden so that four Chan became a website called. Chan which became a website called eight coon because they kept get shutting down. Getting shut down because of the content was getting so bad it was becoming violent and dangerous finally somewhere around the trump election someone posted something on one of those anonymous websites where where it it said I am Q- And Hillary Clinton is going to be arrested for something or other on this date and people were like, Whoa, there's somebody that is that is posting from the government. They can only post here because this is the only place that you're truly anonymous. So this is probably True Hillary Clinton did not as you will. May Or may not know get arrested on that date but this started a ball rolling with who who knows who Q. is cute could be one person. It could be a bunch of trolls it could be it but this this, this queue thing keeps posting on these anonymous websites, ominous messages of like the of sort of like I'm in the government. And there's a secret like six thirty and the deep state. vis-a-vis some kind of weird pedophile ring Ding Ding Ding Mad libs. And and I'm trying I and Donald Trump and trying to fight this deep state and the do not give up. Hope the great battle will be won, and now it's become un-american religion people. It got so big from that believing that little kernel of that. That was really a person in the government got big that it now no longer even matters what Q. is or what the messages from Qr are. They are people that believe that there was a grand conspiracy that only they are privy to the truth of, which is truly the start of every. Religion, that has ever existed guy saying that the coronavirus was started in a lab in China I would say that guy is at serious risk becoming a Q. On. The one thing I know about you and on is that they believe it. So celebrities are stealing something from the blood of young people and I like the in a new fashioned conspiracy theory. You can take them old fashioned Ju- blood libel. I'm Mike give it give it new life. It's exciting. It's bothering me because that was our intellectual property and as a Jew I'm very about that kind of thing. That you do think on. Just. Like These conspiracy theories. Are Therefore country where no one speaks French but a bunch of people speak Elvis like I mean, that's a bad example but I do think it is like people don't learn actual history or like. Things work, and then they turned thirty seven and they start wondering and much easier to have. A, like marvel movie version of how things work then to understand how it actually works because they haven't been to like schooling or like been able to like develop critical thinking or you know just immunity to data just like any data isn't real. Yeah. It's like when you think about the guys who works construction with my dad or the guys who are here in my hometown. These things? Very, appealing to them because they explain a world that they live in but never really thought about because they were too busy hunting or trying to get pussy. or or hunting pussy as it were. Yeah I probably should have done that you know I I how do they become? Internet savvy nor. I think what you're saying is is interesting like like they're they're. The desire to understand the world that you live in is one that everybody has and the Internet has brought to the home. To your home everyone of everyone the my brother who lives in a van. Internet the ability to have an unlimited hours of. Of. Of Education about how the world works the problem with the Internet is that when it's not vetted through some some sort of system, there's no possible way of being able to differentiate the true from the false, not that it's easy in a university setting but at least there's some sort of criteria like the the the academic standards of the university would at least say like, okay, this might be biased but at least it's been through some system youtube there is no. It's just. At this. This argument would say that there is no intellectuals and Cunanan. I would say that is almost definitely true. There's no leader. There is no leader in Cunanan. No I. Don't believe. So there are there are I mean figures. I think people are educated but they are the ones who are just trolling and thinking this is hilarious. and then you're their religion point is great because you only if you have. A million people thinking about something and everybody only believes in ten percent of it. Then everyone believes in part of it, and then it starts becoming a fake. You know one hundred percent and what you were saying Tasha about intellectuals at isn't to say that everybody in Cunanan is stupid. It's just that to be an intellectual means that you have that you on some level have studied and acquired. Like, you were saying critical thinking reason scientific method fact checking. Site your sources. There was like an elite strain I don't. Like that Dank Cunanan that. I don't know we. Have we gone down a rabbit hole shall we take a call? Let's take a call unless guy unless you have some parting thoughts. On. All right. Let's take a call. The first person to call is tyler in Vancouver. Hello Tyler Tyler. Tyler Tyler. Tyler. How do you feel about Cuban on? About what? Great. Great Answer. It's Moshe, cashier and Tasha. Joined with our friend Guy Branam. Hi How are you guys both tyler? How are you? I'm doing well thank you. Good Vancouver. It's all right. It's all right We're just kind of going through a couple more additional shutdowns right now. Like, what happened over there doing restaurants now or something or reclosing? We've we just decided to close nightclubs because that's kind of been the biggest upswing in cases. So and that's okay for with me. Yeah. Clubs could you? Imagine going to a nightclub right now. How do you? Club. I couldn't tell you that it's not something I'm into doing right now. However, we have our less cases daily that you guys do. International skirmish. trucking. You. Know Tyler Guy Guy knows more about the history of of Canada than I would actually I bet than you I was GONNA say maybe more than me. Well. Type Guy what. I, WanNa know what are what are your? What are your top favorite things about Canada guy? They're obsessed with this guy with cancer who ran across the country and he's like their national hero and he didn't even finish running across the country because the cancer beacon and they just love him. So hard I'm. Out. To Terry Fox. What speaking of you guys do it your way we our way. We also had a guy that ran across the country and he made it. His name was forrest. Gump. so What's going on? How can we help you? well, first of all, I just wanted to say thanks for having me on such a huge kind of the podcast. Thank you I took my mom just recently decided to tell my brothers and is that we have a sister her. Sister we didn't know about And very, it was a very dramatic kind of family blow up and I'm Kinda just. Trying to find out what I should do it to like confirm this my sister is, is that three zero my mom in the top. I'm just a little back story My parents have been divorced for Awhile. Now is a very long come out. They can't even be in the same room as each other. back in the day when we were kids, my parents would would get back together. Back together a lot they had, they were dating people and the Times that they were would happen. We had met a few their love interests if you say if you will and So this woman that my mom, my dad cheated on her wet. To have this baby is a woman that we are aware of and have met back in the day. So that kind of you know she didn't just make up a random girl or anything. and so she she'd. This girl is in her twenties now and you know we're all grown up his Laos and. her her proof. A couple of photos This girl's facebook and like look how she looks like Your Dad Look how much we're figured that and you know she she's really pretty. So yeah, she could look like. But I think your dad was really beautiful. Well. Yeah I would say. They're beautiful girl. Okay go ahead. Go ahead. Let me not mock your family narrative. No worries I was actually. They fucked around I was trying to. Sort of be funnier and say that I'm not one but it's okay we can give it to them. hob Tyler we got. Thanks. Thanks. So yeah, we're just kind of like. This isn't enough proof. How could you bring this up as proof and what if we ruined this girl's life? Who thinks she has the different from other? Yeah we're kind of. Re so like I looked girl up on facebook and and you know I know really love to do I. Don't WanNa like both my brothers are like it's not true there's no way might that he doesn't really Doesn't like to talk about, but he did deny it to one of my brothers. He did not get a fair or he denied it. That was his daughter. He denied it was his daughter dot how yeah. How you? Deny the fair because we met the woman back we were kids. But it's kind of like, no. Duh. Is it a no DA sounds like a jealous mom doesn't sound guy what do you think I think? Tyler's mom sounds like a master of drama and I really respect her. Like his primary reason for reaching out to this girl should be stuck with his mom but like tangles delicious tidbits in front of her and then not them. That's nice. Bring the. Bring the it's actually literally the quintessence of the advice save the drama for your Mama. That's what I. I was GONNA say you're bang on with the drama stop and I try to limit the other drama in my life because they you know my mom brings a lot of it. If. It were me I would stay out of it just don't contact this person she contacts you be like really open a nice about it when no he tyler well, let me ask you this. If you what if you knew for sure it was your sister. How would that change? I would absolutely not think twice about ruining. Family. Life. I would want my sister. Oh, I see you would. If it was your sister, you'd be willing to. To face the blowback of blowing this person's family narrative of in order to have a relationship with her. At. God. because. You'RE I. I grew I grew up with two brothers. Then you know what? I Fi- denied a sister I would be rather upset about it. You know I would want it stir see. You would. You would rather have a new sister in your twenties then be on your mom's side. What do you mean mom? So well, that is my mom I mean. Let's be fair. His mom sounds like a lot. That's true. Maybe. I just need some new female positively of my life and she she just looks like a lot of fun. I mean I just imagine like playing barbies with her when I was little and like being denied that. Horrible Tyler I. Think I've got it. Actually this is like the plot to Aram calm but without the ROM because that'll be weird because that's your sister and for other reasons as well. But. But it sounds like what you should probably do is contact her don't tell her that you're You're her brother possibly. Forged, a relationship with her become friends with our hang out with their play barbies with her and then get close enough that you get to that relationship where you're like stroking her hair you know, and then one night she's like Oh Tyler, you're the best you're the best to bridget or whatever, and then she's drifting off to sleep and you pluck a single hair from her head put in. Your pocket, take it to a DNA test and find out if Caesar sister and then at the end of the movie, the end of the movie is I I'm your brother and she's like I can't believe you kept from me and you lied to me and you say, but I love you and then she says I love you too and then you guys hug in this in this movie. Actor I chased or through the airport. or I go like full. Dicko and just like you know, pick up a a tissue that she dropped on the ground, right? Is that weird there that's creepy or yeah because he didn't. That's just police work. I. Am I correct thing. You're a homosexual man. Yes All right. So you're not familiar with these APP let's say that there when they grinder and or a hinge for finding members of your secret family, you one hundred percent use that. Twenty three and me is essentially just. Four super. Pam. What you mean to do without even getting up are up in her schick Eugene to twenty three and me, and then if bridget but caller bridget like Sh- thinks that you might have a secret family she's going to twenty three and me too, and then you're GonNa have somebody I love extra Kobe or half sister and you're going to be like Bingo and then you guys can start the relationship I you know that that takes the pressure off of to stock her or do police work but I do think the other thing to consider is that like who does she think her dad is and does that Dad thinks he is her dad could. Also something I would be worried about right. Well, yeah I I did some digging there too and yeah, it appears that. I mean I don't know what he thinks but it looks that she thinks that her dad oh so it would really blow up her life to find this information out by the way guy. I. Love The you had to. in order for for Tyler to be able to wrap his mind around the concept of twenty three and me, you had to translate it into homosexual APPs. First. Are. You As you may know there are APPs for gay men. Yes I'm aware. Okay. There are other apps that are not exclusively for gaming really. They say that they found a relative for me Oh really. So I actually just did twenty three and me. Wait. What were you gonNA say Guy Oh I mean, the thing is tyler is Canadian and doing twenty three and me from a Canadian is finding out that you are ninety eight percent Scottish. Two Percent Irish. Like are. Okay. Whiter than I thought I was going to be but. twenty-three me Tyler. So what is what happened? Would you learn role I? Mean if if she if she hasn't done it, then it really isn't going to tell me anything or even if she has done it, it would not say she's not your. Way Oh what if you sat what if you said to her would if you facebook messenger and say I think I might be a long lost cousin I'm adopted and I'm trying to get to the bottom of my family roots are you on twenty? This won't work. Okay Tyler. Whatever I reach out to her mom because her mom the only one who knows the truth And that and then like. Right 'cause then I don't have to blow up this girl's life and you know, maybe her mom be willing to. Well. I. Guess. She has the right to deny it if it were true but. The moms economy the only one with the actual information and she knows she would know who I am. You know what I dislike about you tyler I'll tell you it's the you have the audacity to call our podcast. Say you're a fan and then give us at the end of the call the. Best advice those the one that was dangling in front of our faces. We missed completely and you knew the whole time you knew the whole time. I could just sense the conversation coming to an end and I wasn't done yet. But I have a question I. If I had a sister that was my sister I would not I would wanna meet her. Because like we don't have like shared memories, isn't that the point of having a brother or sister is like, yeah, we have a common enemy or common. Common growing up you know. The concept of one in touch with the FEM. But we can talk you mentoring three identical three hundred strangers. Yeah. Yeah. It's really good. It would be guy who like we're identical triplet who likes really found each other and understood themselves after they met each other and then one of them. And I think we should now take on which of Tyler. Tyler. Don't do it. Wait. This is. This is. This is really interesting though. Natasha, you're basically saying the U you reduce truly don't believe in the idea that there's something about family that is inherently valuable relationship. Wise. Other than shared experiences like you don't really believe in their blood is the same. Yeah. You don't really believe in any way that like family because there were relative is. In. Any nothing more than a friend or an acquaintance or a stranger nothing but tyler you do. Well I. Yeah. I would say I think blood is thicker than water and in some ways. Well I think you're onto something tyler, you contact the mom. Let's say he wants to see sister if it's a sister, you contact the mom you say this may be a painful memory but I'm contacting you only because I really would be interested in a relationship with my sister if this is my sister. So as awkward in this is. Did is, do you think are related to this person? How bad do you think it would be if I contacted them and started a dialogue on that way, she could then also say she surprise you and say, yes, it's your sister. But if you were to contact her, it could absolutely ruin her life and she would never from it and you wouldn't WanNa treat your sister like that. Would you I mean or barbies worth now now? They were but not anymore. All right yeah that's true. I also think you need to ask yourself how much more drama do you want your life because maybe that whole could be filled by just like you know like I said a real live. Woman. Mother of this girl is going to deny it to tyler and then the minute she got off the phone and for purposes that the impression Kylie's name Diane immediately got to say. That bitch. Tying. Up Again. She's the reason she's the reason Bruce I'm going to Call Your Dad Bruce. She's the reason Bruce came to me in the first place. Around all that drama mice step mom and she and my mom used to be best friends and my dad left my mom four Diane and it was terrible. They hated each other our whole childhood. Wonder why you're to have such a strong relationship family. It's like you know real friends are real connection. I don't think just because someone has the same DNA as you. that. It makes any difference we've given you a two. PRONG attack. Tyler. It's one is I. Think maybe you're going to drop the pretend to be her best friend never let on why you're contacting. But twenty, nine me to see if she's there and contact the mom in a very respectful way and see what happens and then we'll you get back in touch with us if anything develops. Absolutely hold on guy do you have any parting advice? No I like MOESHA's plan. Okay. Good. You have a plan tyler let us know what happens and God bless Canada. Thanks good to all of you guys. Thanks you too. Take. Care bye-bye. Thanks. I. Well. I thought maybe there was a way that he could get like you know more female entertainers life will. Be needs to be needs a best friend but. I think you're missing the idea of having a sister when you've always wanted a sister. There's something. Baby it's a fan a fairytale or fantasy, but something of beautiful about that or something like he doesn't want a a buddy. He wants someone that he's like this is family and she's a woman and I can relate to her in a different way than ever related to my brothers. So you think if you adopted a child, you wouldn't love it as much. That is definitely what I'm saying. Yeah. The thing is I like to try to refute reputation of biological determinative I think I come down a whole lot closer to her and I think most like probably the fact that do both of your parents have. Genetic hearing lots within their families. Yes. I mean. That, probably, we do influence my understanding of Shit like being related. Very. Way because it's so funny. Yeah, like people fucking inherit shit that impressed. Tax Hearing Law. By the way I am I'm more on your side. You're both of your sides then I'm letting on I just I, understand. Why people think that my mom is constantly trying to like. Get me to go meet fifth cousins in that are live in the southern California area. I'm like, why? What what does that have to do? I'm more on your side, but I just I understand like. Feeling like you didn't get a thing in your family that could have been meaningful and wanting their thing. I mean, yeah I'd like to have been on a yacht in every country. I don't know it just feels. Natasha like. You like you know how close I band with like heather, McDonald and carrying Gareth, and like it's me forever to realize that I was just trying to have a relationship with my sister through these other Brunette women who were five years old. I. A much better way I this tyler that. Find a lady. WHO's at the right age. Make. Her your non creepy sister totally to two of the great podcast of our time to the. Coupe and my favorite murder. Hamish do you my breath stag? No I mean, will you usually have a pretty heavy Paul of Nicorette around here? Well, that's not what we're here to cinnamon this fruit flavor. There's a lot of difference we're not doing an ad for Nicorette although I definitely could what we're here to do an ad read for is Bruce. Okay that toothbrush is the best toothbrush I've ever had not only is it a great electric toothbrush which my dentist who I adore told me you have to use electric toothbrush. it also looks good looking and. Ugly and I had this big court and and this one also you you never need to charge it. Yeah. I have had this for like six weeks we have enough to charge it. I mean look I will tell you this offline. Natasha. Has Come up to me with her new Bruce, which is a little pink one. It's very, very nice organs. Very Natasha. She's she I swear to you guys. She's like I love this toothbrush the best one I've ever owned and I agree I got a black one. It's Manley me brushing your teeth can be a chore but Bruce's Awesome and it probably works so well because it cleans your teeth at thirty, one, thousand movements a minute manual toothbrushes top three, hundred brushing your teeth is a chore but Bruising Is Fun and a hundred times as effective to boot. German. Jokes happening here. But what we can tell you is we love the brooch genuinely use it every night and my teeth definitely feel cleaner. They've delivered sonic wave technology without the expensive big MARKUPS big electric toothbrush tax on so. Off. Your Bruce when you use Promo Code Honeymoon AT BRUCE DOT COM, that's B. R. U. U. S. H. Dot Com Promo Code Honeymoon for a fifteen percent off with a ninety day risk free trial and a two year warranty be are you US dot com Promo Code Honeymoon really use it. We love it. Hey tosh. Hamish. 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Let's secrets maybe get here a few secrets and he can just comment on we have a secret hotline where our listeners call in and they leave their deep dark secrets and we just listened to them, and then we riff on the few. Wonderful. Our producer looks stressed. Did you see a mouse. that. Why did you bring that up? Laura Laura Laura Laura there's amount of in the house. No we're not trying to get. There's a mouse in the house. Guy And I saw last night while we were recording didn't end the very beginning. I didn't tell Natasha. My and now our producer to stopped stopped us down so that she could let the the the host of the podcast. No, the her greatest fear has come. True. Would would shoot allow a cat in the house. o- cat I was like, why don't these fucking dogs go after the mouse because. I'm allergic. You're allergic can get who get a hairless one. A. Hairless. Wanted hairless cat. Those things those things are disgusting. Guy You all. Open minded man in every aspect of your life you. Can we focus for a second? No, we can't. What are we going to do about this mouse I have this peppermint spray should I spray it behind the couch? And let's keep podcasting. Actually. All this is staying in the podcast. Do you have any tips like? Is there anything give any tips for rodent disruption guy you're from Yuba city? My only chipper road destruction owning like a large band feral cats that live in your backyard in particular. Is that literally the situation at your? House? Is a hundred percent situation that my house love that. So mice will get within the cats just what do they do they eat it and then spit out the carcass. Yes My still like Nathan Rats don't make it into there's like an orchard. So if we didn't have a large band feral cats. When we have it the house is just full of wrapping grounds world. But then if you have a large population of cats, there are no rap inside because they've all been eaten. Away. Maybe, I don't like the country. Hotel on the countryside. To the secrets with guy, and then we'll deal with the mouth is a mouse in here is the other option okay. We're GONNA play some secrets Guy I wish this was live. Bald cat you just seem so much like a man that would like a bald cattail ugly hunter they are ugly but that's beautiful about them. I realize I'm followed myself but I think I think other things. That is that's really all. That that's always something that is like, okay, that's that's fine. You know but it's not like that can't be it. You gotta gotTa bring more. Okay. Guy. Here's some secrets as we deal with Natasha's terror. Oh. My God I hope I don't see it. It's really cute. I saw it last night. It's actually really cute. We have A, we have a person coming tomorrow. Hannah Tasha on here just to me. So online tutor and one of the kids I was tutoring Had An earthquake happened. And I gave her the advice to run outside right away because I panicked and I don't know what to do during earthquake. And that is not the advice at all And when she hop back on and told me I felt kind of bad. But my first thought was, we wouldn't have lost that much because she was. By His secret is just like a bad thought cigarette like I'm a bad guy I guess. You know I think. That's very good advice. It's not if you're inside stay inside if you're outside stay outside, that's the classic I see that you didn't go to public schools in the bay area guy. Your indoor stay indoors or outdoors stay outdoors. That's what they say do when I I was in. Oakland obviously for the Loma Prieta ninety four earthquake. Four Ninety two anyway whatever. My Grandmother. Natasha, you have to just focus for the guy if you could see Natasha's face, she is not here. Is definitely thinking only about mice. I. Can. Do you want to do you need your story? L. podcast. Is, not. On Zoom. Well, it's actually on the three camera shoot here. Anyway I lived my grandma I was with my grandma at her house and I lived she lived in an apartment building that was like on stilts kind of so the parking was underneath the apartment building and And and as the building was shaking my grandma grabbed her car keys and ran downstairs to the. What is happening? Are you. Kidding me. Dr. Whose eyes were darting. Our producer. Laura. Are I. Don't know what we're. GonNa do. Story Yeah it'll be a pretty good environment for storytelling. Like, an episode of the moth or the every once in a while the woman screams oh God. Let. Me Just keep telling just do another. Story it's too late. Let's do another secret going to stand up I. WanNa say something. That I think Natasha should buy a new like fur coat and then to insist everyone that you got to a Chinchilla infestation like I still Investors. Are. You guys set out some trap and that's where the coke came from. Way. Way that Natasha brief peak periods of having an infestation. Now, to be honest, I have a question what Natasha Has. Some advice for me because I want to be more tough but I really cannot deal with the thought of a mouse. Okay. Got Any thoughts an. Everyday Nicer fucking adorable cyeru grew my. fucking door vote rats are terrible. So Mice are not the worst. You play take year old sows your home. You need to kill. GOING, we have some coming tomorrow. I saw the little thing yesterday was the cutest thing it had on a little hat and a knapsack and just come. From the Ukraine it's just came from the Ukraine. Name was a little five. have. You heard the story about about five. And American tale. Apparently Guy, you'll like this story apparently. The guy you know. Mouse Ma. The Holocaust tale of that guy went into pitch mouse to like Disney or whoever it was that made American tale and they were like I'm sorry this is just too dark. We can't do Holocaust story about a mouse and and like. Nine months later American tale came out from the same company, which is basically the same thing, but it's surely or. Not the. Holocaust. But like a little bit a little bit jazzed up the. Question about vice yeah. Do you guys think it's like roaches where if you see one, there's like two hundred no. Guy He's smarter than you, honey. He's smart enough to know that even if the answer was, yes, he should say right now. Guy Guide. You want to hear another secret answer he said No. No. Okay Okay, one more secret, and then I think we probably have to wrap this up Natasha's having a nervous breakdown. All right. Let's play one more secret for guy. SECRET TO COVA secret So there's a piano in my house with. I live with four people. And I've been putting the bow system down there with just like amazing like piano riffs and everything on it. And everybody some great pianists now. And I find it really funny but it's just GonNa be really shitty went on. I have to actually try to play the piano in front of say, that's my secret by. This guy's pretending to be a good pianist. I. Think he should just learn the G. Cord or something. Guy, what do you think? I have been dueling leaks French very hard during quarantine and I think everyone's obligation to learn a skill like all of us need to come out of this was something you guys are raising your daughter I don't know if he's their name on. Thank you but Like that that's enough work for you guys to do. But this guy like Natasha saying he can fucking learn to play chopsticks or something. I. Have a question. Have you have you learned any skill guy this quarantine? He just said he learned French on you really I mean you really clearly learned it well, maybe there was something else you got well. I've been I've been doing it very hard but then finally eventually I got a shooter online and so now every Tuesday morning, would you like to know how the tutor I found the hottest person who was available at the time that I needed and his name is John and he used to play professional soccer and I love them. Nothing nothing on earth sounds hotter than fucking your French tutor I mean that also. So the fact that we can learn French via zoom that sounds awesome to drive to like Pasadena City College or some. Do with Jean Pierre whatever his name is. Yes Every morning at nine and she spent most of it making me say the sound you emit telling me that I'm doing it wrong Really. Valuable. Learn. Yeah. Well. Guy I think maybe we should wrap this up even though I would love to keep talking Natasha is standing on the couch right now. and is very, very upset I. Just don't know like I. Just don't want it to like across me they don't. Approach because they're scared of you because you're like imagine. So dumb that they don't know they don't want on your feet. I. Think. Well, let's. Let's go after the podcast wraps up. Let's go find him and I'll show them to you and dangle them in front of your. and. You can eat him like Farley Mowatt. Excite. Guy Canada's Canada's greatest major writer. Let's get tyler back on the phone. Guy, we miss you terribly and we can't wait to see you whenever people see each other again. I missed you guys a lot is all over in time for your guys who Chanaka Party That All right. Thank you for joining us take care. Okay. Bye Bye. Well Tosh. It's been a rough of a rough one. But we gotTA podcast done. We talked to a friend we love and we will have someone come here tomorrow and humanely catch this mouse and bring it to a forest near by. An even though you are standing on the couch. In truly paralyzed by terror. Nonetheless. I. Love You. I love you too.

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