Bugle 4125 - Your Biggest Fears

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

The bugle audio newspaper for Visual World Hello Buglers and welcome to issue full thousand one hundred and twenty five of the Bugle aw slightly confusing for jumble. When people shout fish to Chris the three time winner of floundering idiot of the year from unsuitable for office monthly magazine option B. The former Scottish world Andy Hello Bugles Hello Chris I'm so flattered that you voted for me but I don't trust you you can't be trusted with a vote? He surprised silence when the announcement was made earlier on this show was a full house apologies to any bugle regularly coming who has never listened to the bugle while they may be certain shows that welcome to the Bugle live doubling up as a issue four thousand one hundred twenty five of the Bugle who listens who's your beautiful co-hosts four tonight from the following shortlist option a home secretary Dominic Robb in histories anyone know what it was the anniversary of no that was the sixth of October but thanks very much thanks guys along a row of seats at the back behind the curtain they usually used to cordon off back so so welcome so we're recording on the eighth of October two thousand and nineteen yesterday the seventh of October was historic day new show Christians producing so Chris Crank up the bugler trump so welcome to other people I think are much for for coming and what a particular enjoyed so far in the show a champion Graham dot but in full match mode recreating his two thousand four world snooker final loss to Ronnie O'Sullivan so he just be sitting quietly in a chair with the decade careering attend wondering what on Earth it's done with itself and hopefully Woj so if some parts of the show seem already a little out of date do not blame me blame the unstoppable amounts of time and above all this planet and the people who live there of whom I am originally one hands up no complaints live and learn that will also offer this bit plug for Bostick with the calendar if if not entirely the diets as the Hoffy hot dog in the dressing his in option d Mike actually the owner of new causing we'll club Renamed Stadium Too oh you've made in Showbiz when you end up heckling yourself so the sense of October 'cause famous anniversary in fact the anniversary of the first day in history don't don't take it from me take it from the Hebrew calendar terms ultimate fans or indeed people who've come to see me at this venue before were expecting to have a couple of tables to themselves stretch on a shaking his head and occasionally sipping water option see the disinterred corpse of sincere of Burgundy a few fans of sixth century Saints Thomas Eating from a long narrow open container claustrophobia to raise the question what was he doing here gap here why explain more things certainly not how big a car is meant to be and can like the modern millennial clowns stop pretending to be real comedians please just because you've been to clown school in France doesn't make you you know that so andy fears are ah you have bought tickets to this show that counts anyway so we'll give him a crowd there won't be expecting it I have a number of is the shortening of cricket matches I mean seriously what's going on with that that's the whole point it was suspiciously cheap footwear up should E. Alice Fraser demographic now nights orbits seeming around on day one three days I also have a fear of seeing father the way they need well you opened the floodgates with but not clowns clowns specifically inability to measure things properly like that's not how big your mouth is do you make up probably that's not how big you'll face that is the first day of the Hebrew coming count claims to be the seventh of October three thousand seven hundred sixty one BC. Now I'm a lapsed Jew anyway I'm sure there's details are that on the Internet now Ngo Co host forty nights and we are going to democratize this I'm going to let you the people of Newcastle in any seriously in horror shows me why not generally the case for people who work with me the hacking together desperately but anyway the also tonight Tober is face your fears day like dying young in a burning fire drowning falling over pants down in front of people and having a Goatee Ella but that was the beginning of time the sense of October three thousand seven hundred and sixty one BC apparently creation began about a year after that doc dollars just saying they usually need about ninety five minutes of play before you can get into the I'm afraid of clowns yeah I'm sorry some of my best friends are clowns but I'm also afraid of aeroplanes flying in airplanes I'm afraid of their creepy faces in this scariest thing for me is overly dry old towels are you listening Syria you just touched we've all got problems in your amusement mash up of improvisational jazz mime combining all the bleak cynicism of interpretive dance and all the Sociopathic self-absorption of a baby is all the worst cricket is it gives you essentially a week off two and a half hours off from from the horrors of reality of what a full five days implicit lived in peace alongside the human race offering technology and farming equipment in our times of strife eleven OKHTA was Andy I think they're smart they're pretty in the I can't remove all those happened at once that's GonNa be one hell of a show my biggest fear is this this will be the pinnacle of my career exit dumb octopuses have three halts which is approximately three more now courtesy of the Conservative Party which is providers government octopus fax many people believed that the name octopus means eight feet but in fact it means get oceanic history dolphins aren't as good as cracked up to be and Hashtag dolphins but a lot of them are rapists Tori is probably my favorite version of you correct odds are also in the beginning this week is the new bugle audio comic Strip section where I will read out from an imaginary audio newspaper the well for world you were entitled legally to take catapult to work so I do hope you're you took advantage of that and we have some octopus now octopus facts visit to this remind you of anything preval's octopuses are able to change the color of their skin don't even go there we're already confused enough on the average human being ought to put his also have large tentacles but keep growing and can worm their way into pretty much anything and then fill them feel one is this why you took up a sport that involves cycling for twenty five miles to get dry Chris to me I for one I'm looking forward to the process of celebrating the long standing relationship we have without subaquatic eight legged allies since the Mutual Nonaggression Pact of eighteen seventy four the noble sneaky in that cooler than a high school dropout in a leather jacket now I know whenever we have willed octopus day we have a lot of angry people on twitter asking when it's going to be national Dolphin Russell Tonight Happy World Octopus Day and it's not just a day it is one day as part of Cephalopod Week which is very exciting would flat arms in the way they sneak up behind you a bus stops and ask you to take selfies with them see I told you that wasn't going to work and you just strips section in wizard of ID this week the wizard it is in his workshop and the king walked in the wizards busy the king says I need your help the wizards says I'm sorry to which I say April fourteenth but every isn't every day Dolphin Day it's about time we acknowledge that despite dominating a lot of aquatic press in oc the which is either a commentary on the double standards of attractiveness that men hold about women or a perpetuation of those same double standard then we have this in some sections of the bugler going where Newcastle said going. Congratulations the narrative level so I'm replacing Prince Valiant with a Bugle special comic in which we have the first panel there's a giant squid in a shoe shop and the shop attendant who's a slightly smaller giant squid in a shoe shop uniform and then the giant squid says do you do half sizes that's the thing well we have to we have to talk about how reluctantly brexit the brexit talks are on the brink of collapse pretty much alike Goldensohn do it give it a new it would get this reaction and Chris what are your fears the Thaksin not just the Bugle comicstrip also the storyboards my forthcoming bio-pic John Oliver on the screen and then Andy presses the remote control in the channel changes to cricket and Andy Sizing goes a cricket so that's the Inaugural Vehicle Audio Adrian all is on the brink of collapse in it's basically collapsed a long time ago no no deal brexit comic strips like the first half of a bad joke being told badly by taxi driver there's also a bugle special bugle comic strips right off the top story this week and also I think Boris Yeltsin knuckles it preemptive hindsight a mean say what you like about Brexit I identify as someone who can't help you he say it's funny because the running joke of the wizard of is that it is that everyone isn't very nice in this week's Hagar the horrible hey guys with his wife and she's wearing a flower in her hair she says Hager I was thinking we could have a date night and you can tweet me off my feet and then he goes I need to get back into shape and she says the other government plan is to just appeal to British smugglers sense of fair play which is basically how corporate tax in which in the first panel Andy walked in and goes cricket cricket cricket like pokemon whose name is cricket because POK MON can only say there are named in the second panel Andy Turns on the television and occurrence valiant which I didn't read something happened I didn't last week and I won't read this week and really installments in cereal ought to be modular at least relatively self rang a machine gun all the other horses in case you've you've missed the negotiations at this week essentially involve the UK saying to the EU Hayes an unworkable solution the e U saying we'll it's obviously unworkable UK saying what is your problem with obviously unworkable solution that you're saying well they're obviously unworkable some traces of the original border only auto lunatics insistence still works the same the works so never has so much hot air lifted so few balloons according to no less assault embarrassed on himself a million to one shot just weeks ago and is now charging to the elbow aintree with the jockey standing on the saddles are afraid of Jeff Goldblum in drastic saying I'm not saying that dinosaurs are going to eat European input hope mental when he actually got around to it spent that year creating rather than trying to cram it all in and look I'm not one to criticize people for leaving everything to the last minute genuine attempt to bridge the chasm while still standing with a massive spite with which is doug the chasm but also I think Boris Johnson told Laura Kuenssberg BBC if only we could all come together fevers would cool which is reminiscent of the for any of you who missed it Boris Johnson's plan for the Irish border seemed to feature I think it was two borders for four years essentially near the can impress me and he goes no so I don't put my back out trying to sweep you off your feet get it because the long running jokes that he hates his fat wife Soldier who helpfully suggested to Joan of arc that she take a layer off foreseen might be slightly problematic was easy to say with the benefit of hindsight indeed but also these appeals to bring the country hey stressful what do I think I think the basic proposal for some kind of homeopathic border the British border but I'm also not saying they weren't we all know raptors can open doors that customs laws try to these these appeals to bring Britain to who'd like Britain to be brought together it's kind of meaningless he's getting a little bit toasty whilst whilst pouring petrol all over her already overdone steak and blasting her with a flame thrower now there are certain historical details annoys to the end of his name Michael Gov similar admitting the government doesn't have a solution to the problem it's creating a beautiful expression of his faith in market forces to work their way around the government's failures and also worrying many people would say when you're on one side of a chasm before you start building a bridge maybe think what might be on the other side before you just build a bridge into a chasm we're talking about essentially what they're hoping seems to be the eventually Britain will gradually fall in love with itself and it kind of National Stockholm Syndrome are you also saying they'll still be pumping out sequels in decades for Mac Boris Johnson said that this was she can broker an exclusive trade deal with China homemade weapons grade uranium that's the future will make our own trade deals realistic jack cold fears of no deal breaks leading to severe delays at cross-channel ports absolute nonsense saying business will find a way through and the flexibility is that of a glutton who's ordered twenty portions of nine chicken nuggets instead of thirty portions of six chicken nuggets you'll border one eight years I don't know if that was the compromise or maybe it's half-abortive sixteen years or Chapman Porta Lou shouting halt who goes there you have to you have to look to the people for the arguments full brexit for example Doreen Smith from Leicestershire gave a moving speech about how she's waiting for the e you to get out of a waste it just won't be attention Michael Gov just add Z. which is the kind of compromise is compromise hostage negotiations when you've offered to slightly up the RADIATA that you've changed your hostage to discussion Elyssa Jackie so sorry sorry Alice that is just a beautiful price the conservative party conference Scottish roughly the size of Zombie or Guatemala but so much higher up the Olympic medal title which is wanting amazing nation the seventeen point four million people are not sure how many well in which case you will probably sitting at home thinking you know what what would really make my world is a real flare up in the Syrian crisis to me is like keeping a pet crocodile that has eaten six of your children because you like the fact that your neighbors are always parent your garden to see what's going on wisdom he has fully turned into an old testament God if located he he said this way and this government have compromised we in this government are showing flexibility actually won a medal give their mostly post athletic age up I do not believe that you have not done that now enough enough we need to leave and it is important to remember where we stand as a nation we are just we we just tiny humble nation of seventeen point four million people that's I think probably set on this podcast only one one thing that has ever brought Britain together as a nation that is the LUFTWAFFE and I don't want to be digging that out of his well deserved oh they continued faced with the delaying disruptive and denying taxes the opposition we say this is in parliament we say on behalf of the seventeen point four million in Elf tweeted if Turkey does anything that I these his exact words in my great and unmatched in everything other than the fact that sadly he actually exists paving the way for Turkey to launch its long threatened invasion of the largely Kurdish region though it's fine don't worry because Donald Trump recently get brexit narrowly to the other contenders for Tory party slogan conference including One Nation one H to Diane Let's let's do this you enjoying brexit are you enjoying the Hong Kong China crisis are you enjoying environmental armageddon get brexit done of course I mean that's that's the that's the mantra this nation at the moment the also the official slogan a Conservative Party conference Turkey breakage of done before explanation so there is there at Thanksgiving they also have an erotic stock anyway that's not going to say that I'm the conservative sticking with Boris Johnson as a leader through all this well all your Christmases cable once a week as Don Donald Trump announced that he will be pulling US troops from the border area of Syria thus essentially I've been great unmatched wisdom I mean out of all the crazy things he said career not but it's twenty nine teen is Britain history what you wanted to leave never has the phrase if we all come together sounded less sexy a new case and you're letting down the people that voted for King unworkable solution that you're saying it's not what they voted for so filled in the gaps if Turkey does that my great wisdom considered to be off limits I will totally destroy obliterate the economy audio news by Buffalo a visual world this week show was recorded live at the stand comedy club in Newcastle on Tuesday the eighth of October in the rather ridiculous of two thousand nine yeah for the next Hundred Years Works at roughly the same mathematically it's borderless is one of those brexit related matters that no one could possibly and alone naked on the fright upon ah predictor there will be chaos once again just look at the broad situation you've got involved in this other one trump in his twittering career it's it's hard to be optimistic about this. A spokesman for the Syrian Democratic Council it was edited sixty five times in a single day The Dalai Lama Nikki Pedia. His description keeps changing in Writing News Alice in ninety news now Taiwan and China have gone to war on Wikipedia described as oppressive authoritarian throwback with a nutty line and parades or Absolute Dream Boat The Chinese Warren Beatty. I'm sure that would work slash has already worked for someone is an inverse rush Rafael expecting the conversation at no point to touch on interior decorating little Joe Frisco founds in tonight much is my wikipedia page regularly has to be locked to bring people engaging in bugle based bullshit are- tie one's location on Wikipedia has been regularly addict plays with committing to his promise to finally leaving his wife to be with his one true secretary the Writing Section yes in as party general secretary of our hearts Wayne Gretzky of paramount leader's Ogoja I would is interesting wikipedia fact is fact I have a friend stop eating cheese bedtime the Wikipedia page on the Hong Kong riots gather for two day workshop and expecting them to develop commercially viable teleportation is very unlikely to work and it's probably going to end up getting very messy indeed it how does he take wikipedia and find out Tibetan refugee to Chinese exile to spiritual leader to total nob end depending on depending on whether or not the government is editor they lost Jesus Ping Similarly I for one I'm in very much enjoying the next installment of this long running will they won't they American imperialism soap opera trump trump is playing he's ordered withdrawal the I think he's doing very well for puppy mechet figurine of a human being inhabited by the faults of a thousand dreams it's getting Hulk Hogan big bird from Sesame Street and nine hundred and sixty one hit wonder and self-styled caught of Hellfire Arthur Brown the news. Let's give Jingle Chris I wish to have that facility in who his hobby is going on Wikipedia when there's a picture of a thing he replaces it with his picture of that thing so the picture on Kapiti over fridges his French Dole of every time you think he's racist limits out pulps in the even bigger awesome just change your wicked pedia campaign you can say you offer example the most beloved Australian comedian or the best most successful and attractive president in the history of America for example in in in other writing new scientists use I know that rash which coincidentally is the title of Alice's new podcast Sung to decipher scrolls that were buried when the Soviets erupted in the seventy nine a D Herculaneum of course not as big famous Polish friends using a device called in light that is ten billion times ten billion scientists using like ten billion times brighter than itching between a state in East Asia and a province in the People's Republic of China look any they say that history is written by the victims but also why not short circuit the whole winning the harvey well he's a great job I was without wishing to be in delicate his pretty strong stuff ninety s that is over

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