Thank you for listening to this. Podcast one option available on spotify apple. Podcasts podcast one dot com in anywhere else you podcasts. This week's off the vine is sponsored by GEICO GO TO GEICO DOT COM. And in fifteen minutes you could be saving fifteen percent or more on car insurance money in your pocket. It just may be the most rewarding to do you do today human. Get Your Super Grape. Soft CHEWS AT SUPER GRAPES DOT com slash fine and get a free thirty day supply with your first purchase. Best fiends with over one hundred million downloads. This five star rated mobile puzzle game is a must play download best free on the apple APP store or Google play. That's friends without the our best means and listen to your heart the bachelor presents. Listen to your heart a six episode of Vent Mondays at eight PM Eastern Time Pacific Time on ABC podcast one presents off the vine with Kaitlyn. Bristowe take on his creating space. Girls Jenner Kim's feel empowered to be themselves get ready for lots of laugh topics unfiltered by and wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlyn all right. Welcome to off the vine. I'm your host Kaitlyn Bristowe today on the pot. I'm getting a chance to sit down with someone. We all got to know on the most recent season of the bachelor. She made a huge impression on all of us from her insane basketball skills to her fun loving personality to her unexpected reunion with the bachelor himself after the season finale. I'm very excited to hear about her. Experience she She's trusting me so we're going to make this a good podcast and get to know her beyond what we saw on our TV screens. I'm a big believer in getting to know people beyond beyond edited. Tv show that. I love dearly so please welcome to the podcast. Madison Pruitt High Addison. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so excited. We're GONNA have a great time. We are going to have a great time. We're here over zoom. I wish we could do this in in person but this is life. Where are you quarantining warranty in life? I am quarantined in Auburn Alabama. All your home okay. That's not I'm home with the family. Thankfully so I have. I have been here because I am an extrovert so I would be struggling by myself right now. So are you really an extrovert. Oh one hundred percents. Oh See. That's so interesting because again you know someone from TV. And I bet you think I'm an extrovert. I'm not I mean I can be. I can adapt but like I think over the years I've actually switched. I used to be and now I feel like I'm more of an introvert. Which is so crazy. But in this quarantine arriving absolutely thriving I feel like I'm in my happy place. I can work from home. I could stay home with Jason and the dogs. I'm just like sleeping and just stay. I'm loving it I'm like okay. We're you know a couple of months and I'm ready for it to be done but I'm also I'm okay. I'm okay So obviously we have to get into regarding your season and thank you again for being open to talking to me about it but you really haven't spoken out much since the season. I mean usually. There's so much press to be done. Obviously it's different when two people are together and they go do the press together but usually you're able to speak to someone or some outlets or do something. So can you talk a bit about why you really haven't done any media? Yeah well first of all. Thank you so much for having me. I am really excited to be here in just share my heart and like you said a little bit more about me behind you know not not a TV screen. So yet. So I would say I. I don't know I came off of the finale end. A lot went down. Obviously as you as you got to see in so I don't know I kinda wanted to just time in just honestly take time myself in just focused on me and when I decided I wanted to kind of address some things in in speak out I wanted to be in a really good place inch Industry feeling feeling good feeling like myself again in so I would say that was kind of the main reason I didn't just kinda jumped the gun in star press immediately. I knew that there was just so much that it happened in stuff. I just wasn't ready to quite talk about yet. I think it's really important that you take time to yourself into process all of your emotions because a lot of people watch and think your character on TV when you're a real human being trying to navigate. The feelings of love heartbreak all things that are really really hard just as a human being let alone on national television so I think it's cool and important that you did that for yourself because if you're like me I totally react with emotion and not logic and if I give myself the time to process and work through things I can then speak with logic. Which is what people want to hear although emotion. That's fun and makes for good TV. But it's it's better to hear you know once you've had some time and you can really speak from your heart about all these things that you went through so. I love that you took time to yourself. I'm grateful that you were allowed to take time for yourself because a lot of times you know. Well it's in the contract and this is what you signed up for and that whole thing so I think it's important so I've so many questions like how did you even get on the show. This is a great question in question that I've been excited to address that I definitely gotten a lot and honestly I mean I felt that a lot. Just you know why you come on the show and all those things and I don't know that I have the most perfect answer for all but I actually you know I had a friend who signed me up for the show. I had just recently gotten out of like a four year relationship She signed up for the show in my December. Something like that I meant. I didn't get a call until April and I can. We got him out. I got him as a prank call. I had no what's happening on enact. I honestly I was like no. I'm not doing this autumn bites after really taking time to think about it in talk my family about it It was Kinda something I was like. You know what I'm GonNa keep walking through the doors on. Its open end until I get to the point where the ball's actually Mike Ordinary asked me to come on the show. Like I'm just GonNa keep taking steps word until I get there in the kind of what I'm feeling at that point and so I really took a long time to to think about it and it just was something I felt like I was supposed to do. I didn't know what it was like. I didn't know how we go. I didn't have it all thought through what it would you know. Like if I got this pointer whatever like I kinda just elegance this to go on the show and that I was supposed to meet Peter and for that reason. I am so grateful that I went and I have no regrets. I'm really glad that that I kinda got out of my comfort zone. In that way I think with my life a lot people my whole life have kind of put me in this box in there like Mattie in like this is how she's supposed to web in what she's supposed to do and this is how she supposed to find the love of her life in all these things and I'm someone I met Challenger so I am someone who likes to kind of light transcend the borders limitations in the boxes that people put me in. I'm and I like I really enjoyed getting out of my comfort zone in so for me. Just you know I. I'm down for love down for for growing. I'm down or adventure. So then you went on the right. Shell exactly grace. It's true it's hard when people tell you you know how you should do things and they think they know you but I. I'm a big believer in risk taking and stepping outside your comfort zone because again like you said growth it. It like opens doors. You never knew that would open for you and it's important to do those things and again like just because you're you know you're down for love. It doesn't mean it has to work you still experience those feelings of love. You still had all these opportunities and got to do something that you know that I will put all of my money on. That grew from right. Oh Gosh No I. That's something that I say having like. Yeah this show didn't end the way that I expected it to wanted it to and you know not so little that can be a little sad but also at the same time you know like I said I have no regrets. I can genuinely say like I'm a better person because of it. I'm stronger because of it and I have grown so much I feel like I learned so much about myself and about relationships about love and so for that. I'm I'm very very grateful. Of course yeah and I know you said just a few seconds ago that you didn't know what it was gonna look like going on the show p whenever people say you signed up for this will you don't know what you're signing up for your won't say no and so. I'm guessing like okay. You did some research before going on the show. You knew Peter was you. Did you watch him on B. Season so I never watched the show until Hannah be season when I was going through the process of talking with people about going on the show? I that Renault's like okay. I should probably won't. Nc here you know who who like some of these guys are and who could potentially bachelor. And so I did watch it and I and I and I love speed at night I was. I was hopeful that it was going to be Peter. Either I just like I don't know I saw something really special on him and just like Felt that I don't know I've felt like we were supposed to meet and I felt like yeah so I was excited when I got here. So the my next question then is You knew let's just say that. He was sexually active open about talking about that. Part of his life publicly Was that a concern heading into the season for you. You know I guess to me. I never saw. I never saw Peter as the windmill guy and I know a lot of people I know. A lot of people dead in a lot of people kind of put him in after getting to know him after having so many conversations in heart cohorts pretend. I guess to me it was. It was kind of heartbreaking that that was you know how a lot of people you'd him in in in that way because he is so much more than that end for me coming on the show for sure. That was something that we were different in by an. I didn't know I didn't know if it if it would work. Or if we would even click or be able to you know work through some of the differences by. I knew what I saw in him what I was attracted to on and that was you know someone who was a family guy. Someone who's ready to settle down someone who was venturous someone who was fun and outgoing and not afraid to wear his emotions on his. You know honest leading so for that reason. I was really really excited to to get to know him to get to go on at adventure them. Yeah I think the show likes to Colton was the virgin. Peter was the windmill guy. I was like slut shamed and it was a controversial thing about you know like that's the kind of stuff I guess that. Get ratings up so I mean you were open a on the show about being a virgin. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're not you need a guy that's virgin. It's just that's who you are so it's an important part of your life and you didn't end up sharing this with Peter until pretty far into the season and I think everyone wanted to know. Why did you decide to wait to share that with him? And the decision kind of process behind waiting and still like not fully going there here. Here's what I'll say about that. You know. I'll be the first to admit that I am not perfect and I was not perfect through the process. I didn't handle everything perfectly you know in in you know from being in non environment you know. You're you're in an environment like you've never been emotions emotions running high. There's pressure like you'd never felt you know there's cameras all around and you know it's it's just a high pressure high intensity environment and what. I can say is I. I truly kind tried to let my heart lead me in every situation every moment you know. I'm someone who I don't say things were were do things because I feel like it's what everybody else has done. How post to go or because people are telling me to or whatever you know so for me. I really tried to do the best. They could with the situation on his N. Just let my heart leading in those moments you know and opening up about something like saving myself for marriage and that that gift one day one a WanNa get to my husband. That is a very intimate. Invulnerable thing to to open up about it something. I'm extremely row above Mike so grateful for in my life but I but it's still something that's intimate you know to talk about and not something. I wasn't just discussing with Peter. I was inviting millions of people into that horrible place. And so you know I wanted to really feel it out and make sure I felt comfortable. I felt safe in the environment. It was the right time like it was the right moment to really go there in like I said I wasn't perfect and I probably should have shared it. I probably Shoulda shared it sooner in. Who knows if it would've made a difference you know? Of course. Of course he's going argue that it might have made a difference but I mean who knows because that wasn't a situation we were in? That wasn't what happens by again. You know I just truly tried to just let my heart lead me in all conversations in all moments and you know not not having people in the airtime me like you need to say this. Just doing what outright in doing what. I felt comfortable with in when I felt comfortable with sharing. It and I know a lot of people were like. Why didn't you say it outside of the hanger that night when get to know that you're not comfortable and that's a valid points about point in what I will say is out there for five minutes so it's not like we were? We were having another one on one day. You know it's not like it's a comfortable environment. He had just broken up with someone. That really meant a lot to him. You just walk away. He had just sent Chelsea home. You know someone really cared for deeply in. I could see how much it affected him in where he was an in mind. Mind frame and on top of that you know I was. I only had five minutes in a conversation. You know like I'm saving myself or marriage isn't something I wanted to rush or just throw out there and be like oh by the way just You know it's something like I said I. I wanted to feel the environment was right. That was a good time and he was in a good head space in. I was in a good head space in you know. We both felt comfortable in the moment. So that's kind of why I didn't then by as far as doing it even earlier like I said I probably should know I mean it actually makes sense. This is why love being able to podcasts. Because I'm like everything you said makes so much sense of course and what people don't know also or maybe they do talk so much about it is that you don't have a lot of time with this person so it's not like that's the thing you want to just dive into right off the bat like you want to build up your real connection and more important things and then bring that in one time gets closer to these overnight. Dates that you. You don't even know if you're GONNA make it to exactly it's like well. Why would I you know like I'm not going to tell you that? I'm uncomfortable with it. And then tell you you know all this stuff is like. GonNa make it that far and on top of that you know. I'd the very first one on one day and so that's obviously a conversation that I'm not going to share. They're very state. When we're like three days into this thing we're like don't even know anything about each other you know and then I. I don't know you know our second one on one day in Peru like that was the time where I really opened up about my faith and how important that was my expectations for marriage for relationships. I talked about my family. You know if he were to come to hometowns with me what that would look like. And then that's when he shared with me that he was falling in love with me and so I just. It wasn't really the IT's time to to get into that kind of a conversation. In so again I probably should have handled it differently but looking back at it now. I don't know that if the same situation was presented to me that I would because I feel like again I let my heart leaving in those moments in Go with what felt right for me. That's all you can do. That's literally all you can do. So you see you know. I mean don't guilt yourself feeling like you did something wrong. It's as long as you were leading with your heart literally. Nobody can fight you on that. Nobody no well of course but there idiots question for the vinyls. Do you own or rent your home. I'm sure you do and I know for a fact it can be hard work but you know it's easy is bundling policies with GEICO. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowner's or renter's insurance along with your auto policy and it's a good thing too because you already have so much to do around your home go to Geico Dot Com. Get a quote and see how much you could save. It's GEICO easy. Visit GEICO DOT com today. That's GEICO DOT com regardless of Peter himself. I know you know the format of the show and it involves overnight dates and of course with multiple women so what happened in the process that you lost comfort. Was it just simply the fact that you fell more in love them than you thought you were going to man? It is just like what you said. I mean there's no way of knowing what you're getting yourself into one of knowing how it's GonNa Affect you every single day like I was battling something different in I in my feelings growing stronger and stronger and you know outside of the hangar at night honestly I mean at that point. I knew that I was starting to fall for this guy and I know this is selfish and I know what the show is set up to do but I was like you know what. I'M NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE THAT. I don't want the person I want to be with to be with other women like I want it. I want you to myself. I mean I'm like I. I'm sorry I do wind to myself. I know that that salvation. I know the situation. We're in I probably you know are putting you in an uncomfortable position by by sharing that when he did ask us you know at the beginning to just be extremely honest into share our hearts with anything we were feeling just you know how bring communication is in relationships in. So that's all I was trying to do but yeah I mean it definitely I'm someone who actually I'm extremely analytical and logical so for me. The process was so difficult. Because I'm constantly in my head all the time and you know I told him on our very first one on one day. I'm like dude I take things slow in I over think things. I don't rush anything. I don't do anything because I feel like I'm supposed to you know when he told us lying in love with me. I didn't say back just because he said it to me like I wanted to. One hundred percent mean it and feel it and know it in so you know throughout the process. That was definitely difficult because I was constantly like you know. Even for hometown's I was like having to stop myself from thinking about. He's visiting three other families you know and so I was constantly in my head with all of that stuff in in just that week. I mean fantasy suite meek was literally the hardest week of my life and I. I mean there was one time in particular. I locked myself in. The bathroom was balling crying for hours. Because I was like I. I don't know if I can do this. This is the hardest thing ever. I WANNA be with this guy but I'm having like washing be with other people and so yeah I mean like you said it's just you can't expect you know the feelings that come up in how it how it all plays out your. There's just no and no matter if like okay for example when I was on the bachelor one of my very first one on one dates with Jimmy. Kimmel and Jimmy was like Caitlin. How you're gonNA feel when you know. Fantasy suites common. He's sleeping through other women and my answer. Was you got a test drive a car before you buy it but then once it got closer to that time. I was like Nah. I don't like this all those. Just my weird sense of humor like it because your feelings do develop a no matter how much you know the format the show or no matter how much you understand. What's going on or who he is in that he has a past. It still doesn't take away difficult feelings. That are real feelings as a human being once you fall in love right. Yeah absolutely and here's my other thing you had your first one on. One was literally meeting. His family would is the difference. What HAPPENED BETWEEN BARB? Then bar AD. That finale what the Heck Lake. It seemed like it was like okay well. She met Madison one that she's in with the family and all of a sudden. I mean we can get to that later. But the one on one date with with The vowel renewal was all like. Was it comfortable? Was it happy? Was It really what we saw in end so much more? I mean you only saw a very little bit of it but that day portion I mean it was literally like the best date ever like best eight. I've ever been on on this getting too. I mean there were people who were flown in from Cuba. His whole entire family and so getting to see you know like being part of such such a intimate impersonal day for family and then getting to me all of those important people to him like all of his friends all of his family. And then just getting to like. I thrive in this kind of art environmental. I'm an extrovert so I want and I talked with you because I was like I felt more comfortable than you totally swatting certain on like no no. It was so much finding me we dance. We did a lot of like their family traditions in just not to hang out with everybody in it was. I mean it was so much on the knife worsen I mean with? It's no arts concert seriously. Was the best stay ever. I mean I remember getting back journaling and being like I'm screwed helmet. I'm like I feel like known. This guy has been dating this guy like for so long and like because you know I felt like I went from like I'm not just the bachelor and not just like you know we're not just casually dating it's like it's not the entire family. I felt like we've been dating for year. Now's family Christmas. Yeah you I was like. Oh she's in like that's it that's it. You are part of the Webber family now like. That's what I thought from the get go and I think a lot of people did see that too which is so interesting that it was so you know happy and incredible and loving and and you know fast forward to the finale. So we saw you in Peter on the couch after the final rose. The entire like you know thing with. Barb was really directed how she felt about you in the relationship. So did you know about these feelings beforehand. And why did you choose to respond how you did in that moment not a logistically and honestly if I if I could go back That's the that's the one thing that if I could go back in that moment. I wish that I just would have just apologize in. Just been apologetic moment. I think I was so I was so taken back in our so. What are the things that were being said to me? In this time. That was so beautiful for me and Peter had just been through this entire season. We had overcome so much to be here. And we're trying to fight so hard we don't know if it's GonNa work but we're trying so hard to figure out if it can and for that opportunity to kind of be taken from the both of ice and to not really have a chance to explore that into figure that out in that moment in for that to be the ending of season I mean. I walked off that stage and I have never cried harder in my life. I just I felt I mean I was. I was so upset In like you said it's just like it's it's the person that I love mom in Stanley in so I guess for me. It's like in that moment. I just wish I would have been able to like so taken back. I don't think I could process everything but you know. I wish that I would've been able to process it a little bit a little bit faster in just to be able to say you know what I am. I am so sorry if there is anything that I did that upset you or did you or made made you feel the way that you feel like that was obviously never mind tension like I. I loved the Webber family. I mean the like you said that I one day. I mean literally. Every time I saw Peter and I know a lot of it didn't get shown throughout the show but every time we were together I mean he is talking about how much the same love me. And how much and. I was telling him like how much I loved. His family couldn't wait to see them again. I mean we were already talking about when we were a family again and I think what really upset. Her was just that time that they sat and waited in the. House for for while Peter and I were trying to figure our situation out and honestly like all I can say to. That is again. I'm sorry I can't imagine you know flying halfway across the world in you have an expectation of of what that week's supposed to look like I'm GonNa look like for your son and then you're in the house waiting for three hours and so I apologize but what I will say is you know I mean I came into that not knowing if Peter Night. We're GONNA make it past that conversation. I knew there was so much we needed to talk about an address and really. I mean to be frank in Nazi disrespectful to anyone but like I wasn't concerned about my family. His family or anybody else involved at that moment might only focus is on. Peter in I and just figuring out. Can we move forward? Is it worth fighting for You know can we move past everything that's happened in in you know This out in so. That was the three hour conversation. I didn't even realize it's not like I had a clock with me like I had no idea how long it was. You know we were so precision and you know and it was him to like it. It wasn't just me. It was him to him needing clarity with things as well and asking me questions in asking me you know why. Why did you decide to stay in? And can we work this out? And how do you feel about me in all of those things that he also you know needed? Clear clarity his well and so yeah I mean I I truly don't I truly don't know where the big disconnect wise but again I mean. I don't know I just someone who like. I'm always going to dislike apologize. If there's anything on my end that that I ever did so yeah I mean I'd say that now to even it's so crazy because I like the fact that you can't pinpoint a disconnect or where that were something went wrong is wild to me because of how great that I you know you literally meant all his family and loved his family and they loved you too. He could be engaged to you because you made them wait along with Peter. He made them wait as well that that that would be such an issue. You know what confuses me is that it's like okay Hannah and it's it was clear to all of us as viewers that his feelings to you stronger but that you know it was just easy with her with family so because things were a little bit challenging because you were a little bit more real with your feelings and everything moving forward what. Why was that a problem to them? You know like why was it a problem to everybody that you were trying to really take this seriously and get through this with everybody. I don't understand tall and that's the thing it's like. There isn't engagement in like three days. You know it was something that I was very very honest with Peter with his family and I told I told him like outside said look like with everything that's happened. I don't know at this point how I feel if this could work and if I even want this I definitely can't give you an engagement. I told him I know that that's what you came here for. So I don't want to be selfish into you. Know stay in. Take that away from you and he just I mean he was fighting so hard to say like. Don't leave I want you don't we don't we don't believe in in just asked me to go in there and to be honest this family in that they would respect that in honor that if I if I was just honest And and you know I. I don't know it's hard because I'm like I try. I tried to like to the best that I can try and see like the other side you know in like try and put myself in other people's shoes and I get it like they saw. Obviously how different we were in. You know just just that. I wasn't a hundred percent sure on. I'm sure that's not comforting to any mother. Took to hear about their son by. I was never trying to be disrespectful in any way. But just honest in exactly where it was ad in exactly. You know how how was feeling Yeah I don't know that all makes so much sense if you're a fan of my show you know. I like to take care of myself. I have a busy schedule but I stay active by writing my Peleton going on walks with the boys and just generally trying to keep busy and keep the ball moving. And that's why I'm excited to tell you about something I take every day. That helps me. Stay on top of my game and that's super grape soft. Choose from human. I absolutely love adding these into my daily routine because what one they taste good and that's very important but two. They also helped me feel more energetic and I love knowing that I'm doing something good for my health. Super Grape. Soft Chews are a delicious way to give you an energizing boost super grapes. Soft Chews packed with heart healthy grape seed extract that protects against oxidative stress and promote normal. Blood pressure it. Also promotes energy efficiency by supporting the blood flow. No jittery feeling. No crashes just energy. The way nature intended with antioxidants derived from non GMO concentrated clinically studied. Grape seed extract experience the great tasting heart-healthy boost of new super grape. Soft Chews. Get your super great. Soft CHEWS AT SUPER GRAPES DOT com slash prime and get a free thirty day supply with your first purchase. This offer is only available. Here exclusive for my listeners. So that super grapes dot com slash vine stupor grapes dot com slash fine. We'll be back with more off the vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe off the vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe. Walk me through the next twenty four hours you walk off. That saved your bawling your eyes out. And what was it just like too much for you to handle? It wasn't worth fighting for which is totally okay. Because sometimes it's not but what was that next. You know forty eight hours like for you guys man. Those next forty eight hours were were tough for sure I walked off that stage completely blindsided and hurt and like you said I mean I was bawling my eyes out and we were all blindsided. I was like what the Hell is going on. I can't imagine how you felt. I was I would say that. Challenger side came out. I was definitely frustrated. Definitely leading those around me know how frustrated I was and how that did not go as I expected or thought it would I would say you know I would say the biggest thing honestly with all of that because everyone's been Mike you know. That was the shortest relationship in history bachelor. But you know what I would say to that is is we came into the evening not together and we left that evening not together. I mean we we said in that moment like I love you and I wanNa see if this can work but we never said like we're in a relationship. We're doing this thing. I don't think people realize that. Yeah and people didn't realize that in that and that's the thing is like during that time at live like that was when I kind of wanted to get some clarity with some things I so like had to watch everything through that I hadn't seen and you know so needed Clarity with things. So did he. And so we were going to take that time to really talk some things out and figure things out but we didn't get that and so we walked off the stage. I mean we were in the same exact place that we were in before hand in so really after that. Then we were like okay. We'll I guess. Now we ourselves just to see you know like could this work. Let's be really honest. Let's talk through things and you know just see where we can go from here and we took a couple of days. You know we. It was a it was a long a conversation A lot of tears a lot of smiles a lot of every kind of emotion. A lot of back and forth. But we finally got to a place where you know we realized with everything. That's happened You know this isn't necessarily the best foundation to be starting a relationship on you know you want to start a relationship with trust. You WanNa start a relationship where you folks save any feel comfortable in you know. Just welcomed by that person by the people that they care about around them in. I didn't feel that way you know went settle. That was something. I was just extremely honest with In in you know how. The finale went definitely played a huge role in. Why didn't feel like it could work in his? You know his family means so much to him that I would never wanna be the reason that there's tension you know. And and he's you know the thing about Peter is he is he. Is someone who. He's GonNa fight for what he wants when he's not GonNa let like when he has his eyes on something like he. He's not gonNA like go of it until literally like everything is against him until the point where it's like okay like up when he tends to also like have a rose colored glasses on always see kind of like the the. Pradier side of things where this kind of where we did balance each other actually out very well. Because I'm very logical. I see you know the whole picture and just like I'm very realistic about it in so many conversations. I just you know I had to kind of be the one who was like being really logical about it but But we both came to a place where we understood by this this this isn't you know probably the best in so let's just you know. Choose to to walk away from this with nothing but love and respect for each other and I know that we genuinely gave it everything that we had in. You know that's something that I feel like. Not a lot of people got to see like the fullness of everything And how hard we really did. Fight in how hard and difficult it was on both ends and just all the things that we walked through In like when I when I went out to after Caceres came in the House I went out to L. A. to see him. You know what what a lot of people didn't get to see was I? I didn't go out there to say like I WANNA get together. Let's do this thing. I went out there with a lot of questions unlike. So why did you get engaged? Why why did you break off indies bit? Why didn't you come after me? After he broke up being gauged. Why are you sitting here in California? If you're still in love with me like I had. I had a lot of questions you know and if you knew it was me the whole time like why. Why did you choose to you? Know Treat The week the week while the way that you did and so I had a lot of questions for him and we ended that conversation. Just saying like there's no answer. Let's just take time to think about this and again and we went into finale kind of the same exact place not really knowing what we were going to do but yeah those next forty eight hours were were all over the place. A lot of highs lows. I can't even imagine because like what was the process like of when you did leave because I feel like we didn't see much of it or you know maybe I'm blanking but I don't really remember like seeing the why of you leaving and how what that process was like for you. All of a sudden it was like oh she's gone. I'm going to propose hand and then like it was such a weird transition. So what was that? Like leaving in your decision Man So I would say first of all like I when when? Peter told me the news that he had been intimate with the other women The reason I didn't choose to leave right in there was I had realized all in one day which this is just craziness of bachelor world. All in one day I had my highest in my lowest low in that day. I realized I've loved this guy and I wanted a future with him. And then also at the end of the day I had realized that the guy that I loved had chosen to be intimate with with other women and after I had expressed him how that would make me feel and you know ultimately what what it might lead to and so you know I think for me it was. It was an overwhelming sense of emotions and a lot of things to navigate through. I didn't want to make a rash decision in that moment and You know when we were standing out there in crying I know it showed probably like two minutes that we were out there for probably two hours. Is he holding me in Iowa hysterically crying? He was hysterical crying. He might have been crying harder than me. He had like snark coming out on. You know we. We were definitely very emotional. And just was the. Dow's the hard part is. Arnie was so frustrated with him. Because it was like you knew you're telling me you knew what you wanted in not was me but then you chose to do something else and then you're asking me to stay in. It's putting me in an uncomfortable position. You know it just. It was like a hard moment where I was like a little frustrated but I also didn't want to leave his arms and so it was like I was still torn with the emotions that I was feeling so I wanted to take time to think about it and I left that night. Going into the rose ceremony the next day. I wanted to see him before. The rose ceremony to talk things but time didn't allow and win the rose ceremony hit. I didn't know what I was going to do. I mean I truly didn't know if I if I should accept the rose if I should move forward not knowing you know how I l in in what I wanted to do. Like if the relationship could work in knowing winks there is no way. I could get engaged so I kind of was was a little torn. I don't know I just. I saw him and I saw at that rose ceremony he was he was shaking so hard and he couldn't even look me in the is key. I remember when he asked me. His head was down his heart. I could hear his heart beating standing there and he asked me to accept the rose and I was like man. I don't know like I love this. Guy. I WanNa give it everything I have just to see like I just I owe it to us. How far we've common how we feel for each other. You know just to have another conversation in see like could this go further you know. Can we make this work and so you know? The next time we were able to talk was at the meet the parents in outside of meet the parents in so that was when we had that time talking. I would say because of how that went in just like because of how. The finale went That was one of the biggest reasons that I that I did. Choose to walk away Ann Inaba just how it was handled in what was said but but also and. Here's the thing to like I. I don't I didn't disagree with our. I didn't disagree with some of the things she was saying like I. I saw all of the differences that she was pointing out as well In honestly agreed with them Humana. I don't think Peter and I were ever saying like no we're completely compatible. Pre make perfect sense. This is great like rate totally understood that we had that winglets two totally different lives in that we had different perspectives on things. But we knew what we out for each other. We knew how much loved character each other so for that we were let a call. My Gosh it's fine for this. Let's try and make this work But after yeah after meet the family injustice I don't know just the way that it kind of went and just the things that were said. I think I just I took. I took nine exit that night in in the next day to just really really think about it in a in pray about honestly just. Seila like okay. They are Kinda riot a little bit about some of these things than I know. I can't and I and I told his dad to like I remember. I had actually really good conversation with his dad and I was crying and I told him I said look like I love your son. I want the world for him like he deserves the world in. I want the best for him and you know. He deserves his happy ending. If I can't give that to him than I'm willing to like walk away and break my own heart so that he can. Do you know what he came there to find and In in so truly me walking away honestly to me I thought was more of a selfless act of me saying like I love you so much in an. I don't know that this could work. What you have a sure thing here. You know you have someone here is ready for you. Who can give you an engagement? Who Does love you so much in is an incredible girl and so and I had said throughout the entire process. If Peterson end up with me I want to end up with Hannah yet. And so she was one of my friends in the house. I trusted her. I loved her and so at that weight like I was like this. No they make more. They make more sense. They're great together. I don't know so I kind of that was my thought processes as I walked away and you know as I got home and had time to process it I was like man. Maybe I should like you know handled a little bit differently. And maybe it's because the whole time like we're having this conversation as I'm breaking up with enemy. He's sitting there saying like what I want like about like you don't understand I don't need the like run off in the sunset happily ever after like I love you like I want you and in so for that reason. I wish I would've maybe stayed to see what what could have happened. but again. I don't know I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. It works out exactly how it was supposed to but yeah I mean that that was definitely a difficult time in you could see how affected we both were after. You know that break up and I was bawling in the car for like hours in. He was wondering off in the desert with snakes. And all these other animals risking his life an emotion feels and so it definitely was a an intense moment in a hard day. Speaking of the Bachelor you love the bachelor the Bachelorette and of course we all love Bachelor in paradise and now the next bachelor chapter begins the Bachelor presents. Listen to your Heart Mondays on. Abc This new show has everything. You love about the Bachelor Romance Tubes Chris Harrison and of course drama drama and more drama but with musical strings attached twentieth. Single musicians will step inside the bachelor mansion to embark on an incredible journey to find love through the power of music. The harmony of the couples will be tested by the relationships and judged by some of the biggest names in music like Jason Mraz and Katcha Aunts Bachelor Nation Fan favorites. Which of these new bachelor hopefuls will make beautiful music together? Who Will Strike the right note? And who is there for the song reasons the Bachelor Presents? Listen to your heart a six episode event. Mondays eight seven central only on ABC. After all that and everything said and done do you still wish those things for Peter leg the happiness that he deserves it that he like needs is happily ever after d. Still feel that way on my gosh absolutely no absolutely when we when we decided to to to kind of go our separate way. I mean I I spent like an hour and I remember I just like grabbed his face and just like spend an hour just reminding him of how incredible he is and all like just what like. He's just filled with greatness in he's destined to do great things. I just continue to dislike. Speak Life over him and just remind him of how great he is in that he has such a bright future in he is GonNa make most incredible And Yeah I mean I I wish I wish the world forum end. Yeah that's amazing. I don't know your friendship or what it was with Kelly. But how 'cause I'm sure that's all over your news feed and all the DMZ and so obviously they're quarantining together and we're you to friends during everything yes. It just gets a little interesting. Yeah so we were. Best friends actually We were inseparable throughout the entire process. Everyone jokes that we were like the dynamic duo And really leaned each other through that entire thing. I mean yeah so I mean when I I remember even when I landed a from Australia and got home like she was one of the first people that I called on shoe is in group messages. Me and my family. I mean we were really really close in talks like twenty four seven so I guess I was I was I was definitely Hurt and thrown off by that whole situation Again like I want the best for for the both of them but I definitely was thrown off and I think what was really I mean to be honest? It was really confusing to me. Is that two days before he was spotted in Chicago. He was like calling me taxi. Miss You let's get back together and so I mean I think that's news a little confusing by I mean. I don't know I think like when you break up you know in you're going through a breakup. And you're going through a heartbreaking. You're going through. You know you just came off a show. That was emotionally physically in every which way exhausting. Everybody handles differently. You know. Everybody leans on different things in treats it differently. Like like for me I find it. I venit really important after a breakup to take time to really like invest in myself in make sure my heart's in the best place possible before I'm like you know pursuing any type of relationship because I'm like you know the next release should get in. I mean I don't day to date to marry and so it's like I want. They deserve my hundred percent. You know aren't political. It's so because of that. You Know I. I don't know like I take time to just like you know to pour back into myself. Make sure I'm a really good place in Young focus on myself so I think we definitely handle handle breakup very differently and I'm not saying once once better than the other but I mean that situation definitely caught me off guard. It was a no like phone call or no like hey. I'm going to be hanging out with him or like. What do you feel? No not not not until it got a got leads at got like caught. He got caught with it and again he had days before in so when he texted. He texted me after it had been out for a couple of days in just kind of like Sydney this long long sex Just kind of like kind of explaining himself but not really And just kind of like sharing the current situation or whatever and I mean I was very kind back. I was like look like this doesn't like of anything for me like I. We went our separate ways like I. I'm it's not like I lost something here I guess But I guess I I told him kind of what I'm saying it. I guess what I'm confused about. Peter is that two days ago you were telling how much you loved me in one And now you're with the one I that was like my like my best friend you know and it just feels a little hurtful and and they did that on my birthday on my birthday when all the pictures got leaked everything went out. It was on my birthday and he didn't text me on my birthday. She didn't text me on my birthday in so I also threw that in there. I was like a kind of felt. Like it was kind of like a jab at me to do on my birthday into not even like reach out or anything Very hurtful I again like I mean and I say this genuinely meaning it I mean I. I saw something special in La. That's why she was my best friend. I saw something special in Peter. That's why loved him and wanted to fight so hard to make the relationship work so they're obviously both incredible in special people and I you know I wish nothing but the best for both of them no matter what that looks like You Know I. I know that Peter is not my husband and he's not the first time suspend my forever which I'm grateful for the chance that we had to get to know each other into love each other but I know he's not the one for me and so because of that you know I mean i. I wish him I wish him all the best yet. But so what's your relationship with Kelly now because that to me would be the most hurtful part like Peter Okay. Fine whatever is happening whatever Kelly like so is the friendship. Obviously not there anymore No I haven't spoken to her in a really long time She I don't know I just like I had heard things. I actually asked Peter about some of the things that I had been hearing rumors about him in Kelly. While we were still trying to figure ours being out in just that there had been hang up like hangouts in meet ups in a conversations that had been going on while he was so with. Hannah end in Wa who is also trying to figure things out with ME IN I. I asked him those questions and you know I think it's very interesting. Because his answers and her answers like very much contradict the current situation. Happening right now but But you know it is what it is but you know I think like yet to me. That was the most fruitful thing because I mean she saw like I mean. We walked in so much together and you know like that was a friendship that I thought was going to ask. You GonNa be in my wedding. Thought we were going to be best friends for life in Just just I don't know just like the the love that we had for each other in the level of the depth of our friendship I guess like really confuses me that With just things that we talked about things that she had said to me about Peter in about me and Peter about her and Peter and all that like it was really confusing to me when When when I saw that in just that I don't know that I didn't receive any kind of a heads up. Were any sort of you know a tag stern explanation of why I mean. I'm not saying I necessarily deserve it but I kind of feel like I do because like we aspirin. I think you do because of the if she wasn't one of your close friends I would say no but because she was. It's there's so many things that it's hard to look back on or or expect things from and and everyone will have their reasons as to why and it's hard in those situations you know when you you are feeling like upset about something that one of your friends. Did you have somebody that you were in love with and now this is happening? It's like a heads up or a call or attacks go such a long way when you know you know. Somebody's feelings are going to be hurt. So that's what I was getting in your situation in my situation. It's like you know that takes five minutes to like syntax to make a call you know. And it's like I don't know if the roles were reversed like that would be like the. I thought that I would have like you know I. I WANNA take it to this person. I want them to hear it from me. I in so man. I don't know it's one of those things that I'm like. I'll never fully understand people but that's okay. I mean people probably never influenced me. I mean no. You'll never fully understand. We have to talk about this because it was one of my. I died laughing at all these comments about your eyelashes because girl the I said this is how you know. You're a loved person on TV when all people can find to like. Tear you apart about our. You're gorgeous eyelashes lake. That's it. That's all people could fine. They're like God she's so great and she's sweet and she's loving she's kind and she has good beliefs and morals and values what but eyelashes men. Let's review those apart. It's so funny because I saw my whole life. I've always done ask questions about my lashes like forever and you know obviously gone national. Tv and people just pick you apart for absolutely anything But I don't know it's so funny because I would. I would say like seventy percent of you went through my demons right now. Probably a hundred thousand of them would be asking me. What ask your I use and how I do my eyelashes and so it's like a lot of people appreciate them but then obviously there's the flipside where you have people who are like why you'll ally look like spiders and I'm like I don't know like I don't know I don't know God gave them to me. I signed for it. The world keeps on spinning. I just have gorgeous long eyelashes like it's so funny. 'cause the the usually comes through in you know the DMZ behind the scenes but the hate is very loud. And the yeah. Yeah although those join against everything in Life I've learned like one of your greatest asset to the greatest thing about you or the greatest strength that you have like there's always gonna be people who are GonNa try like you know like you can't appreciate and I decide to tune it all out but I also think it's Kinda funny I'm like hey I mean if you wanna like granddaddy long legs and that's fine. I think it's kind of funny so honestly it is funny any of gorgeous lashes and that's just such ridiculous thing are we're GonNa take a quick break to talk about how we all need a break every now and again but why not keep your brain active while you relax. Well let me tell you you can. And that's exactly why I love the Fun Puzzle Games. Best fiends I actually had a few people tweet me and say they understand my addiction now. It's a superfund game. That also keeps your brain active and you can take it with you everywhere you go because it's on your phone when you need some me time. Best fiends is a fun escape from the every day there are thousands of challenges in tons of cute characters to collect along the way. I've been obsessed with best friends for a while. Now and the game is constantly changing evolving updating. So seriously it never gets boring and actually just gets more fun as you go along. Now that I've gotten to some higher levels. I find that I really have to work on my actual strategy to get through the game. So it's always a challenge plus I'm so into these little bug characters. There's so much fun and I've got to admit I've really become attached to them. It's a really unique and exciting puzzle. Experience unlike other puzzle games out there. Best beans updates the game monthly with new levels and events and it never gets old it also does not require Internet to play. So you don't need to worry about Wi fi access or using your cellular data. Best fiends has thousands of levels already with new levels events and characters added every month. It's hours of fun right at your fingertips and you can even play off line with over one hundred million downloads and tons of five star reviews. Best fiends is a must play. Dalo best fiennes free on the apple APP store or Google play. That's friends without the our best means. We'll be back with more off the vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe. Hey I'm autumn calories and I have a question for you how do you do life? I might be a superstar trainer but also a boy mom sister daughter friend and entrepreneur. You might think my life is all working out and cooking healthy delicious recipes but trust me there is so much more to it and this is it. This is all of those real moments. Talk about with your family and friends ever wonder what else life has to offer. Bring your curious appetite. And let's do life together. Subscribe at Apple podcasts. Spotify and PODCAST ONE DOT COM. Now back to off the vine with Caitlin Bristow. Okay so we're done with the serious stuff. I'm really just thankful that you you were open and spoke from your heart and just decided to have that conversation with me. So let's have a little fun now before we let's let's hasn't done. I've sipping wine this whole time. I'm ready for some fun. Everybody knows I do confessions on this. Podcast something embarrassing and embarrassing story. You WanNa get off your chest that nobody would know about. Give me your best confession right now. I could I could do. We could do a whole podcast with I. Just my embarrassing moments in confessions. I mean I I am someone. It's so funny. My my family can't take me anywhere. I embarrassed myself all the time in. I don't I don't get embarrassed easily. It's embarrassing happens me but I don't necessarily get embarrassed easily. Oh my gosh which wants to go with I have so many I okay should I? Should I share like a really really big one that scarred me when I was like thirteen or should I share one? That happened more recently. Why don't you both so when I was thirteen? I was at one of my best friends pool parties and we had like the whole like thirteen. It's like that really awkward stage. You're like super uncomfortable with yourself. You're like why is my body the way that it is. Why do I look? You're trying to figure yourself out. And everything's changing literally. Everything's changing get like gouves are starting to grow your life. I mean not boobs every every other girls were by Agri in so I remember I was. I was standing about to jump in the pool with one of my friends. Were like taking a cute picture and the whole like football team was behind us. And we're about to jump into the pool and as we go to jump in the pool. A hundred string bikini. She grabs this like she accidentally grabs the strings in my pants completely off. And I'm like mid air in like literally the whole like football team season. I am petrified. Emerson like every song and it's like the most inconvenient in not mention like the people that were the poor people that were in front of me. Who did you taking a photo at the same time so like? Please tell me about that photo right. I'm like I honestly. I need to ask that person. I'm like I would love note. That photo was ever taken come. It'll come back and haunt you now that you've been on national television person's GonNa be like I the picture author but that's so funny honestly but yeah so that was my Horrible story when I was thirteen. Yeah and I was scared to wear string bikinis after that. I still am that. Was that story. A more. Recent story was about two years ago. Okay no like the worst thing ever is when you try and send someone something you send the wrong person. Yes little the worst thing ever. Yeah and I was dating a guy at the time the guy that was talking about earlier that I dated for four years I was dating him and So his his name started with certain letter and this other person's name started with certain letter and I spent this long voice memo just like Lovey dovey like all dislike like sweet things and I looked down ten minutes later. Denied Senate to my pastor suicide. I'm like the one person voted not to prosper. I might I resign cringing for the next week. That was the one time that I was actually very embarrassed. R-texas life and I was like please please please. No that was Mitzi. Since my boyfriend that was not an hitting on your husband like you know. Delete out all our so embarrassing. It is literally the one person you would not want to send an accidental text. You at least it wasn't like at least it wasn't like like you know a little more inappropriate like at least it was sweet and loving. It was yeah it was more like Mushy gushy. But you know I mean definitely stuff. You don't want your pastor or know any any adult but especially pastor hearing about I will never forget one of my best friends in the world. I. I don't remember how old we were. But she went through a phase and she did something pretty inappropriate and funny and she accidentally pocket dialed her parents. While telling me about it. That was one then literally a week later something had happened where she was at a bar and her photo was taken and used on like girls. Gone Wild This is the craziest thing that's ever happened. It was used on. Girls Gone Wild where she didn't even know that she had signed something to be on it and she was on like it was back in the day when you could go to a movie store and like go to like the new releases and girls gone. Wild was actually in new releases and she was on it and her pastor had to sit her down because of it. Yes yeah so that when be? That might be my gosh awful awful. I know I'm trying to think if I have one for you because I'm like I have to confess every week sometimes twice a week. I'm like do I. Did I write anything down or you embarrass yourself easily. I don't get embarrassed over. Yes see I don't have anything. I'm the same way like you can't take me anywhere. I don't easily get embarrassed. I'm trying to think of anything that I've done in the last few days that I could be like. I'm sure Jason could tell you something embarrassing but here. It's here the compassion for that's what you nuts. Those are the true confessions. When you're not tell me about tell me about me. A He'd be like you don't care because you tell everyone everything anyways like I will talk about. Anything on this podcast. Anything goes like it's it's so I can't think of anything if I do. Allah I'll do a voice note. I'll send it to you. Not My pastor and and I'll add it to the podcast Boyce. Minnows are literally my favorite gets how I communicate with like all my friends. I just the right person get dangerous. I love them to like my love language. Okay we're GONNA play plead the fifth where. I'm going to ask you three questions and you can plead the fifth to only one. So here's questions you get to choose from okay. Who would you least likely run like to run into from the Bachelor Mansion and or your first question or you can answer what was going through your mind on that couch when Barbas saying you wouldn't make it with Peter. God I'm sweating. I'm okay I'll go with the second one because truthfully I genuinely did love everyone in the house. Obviously you're very different rabbi. I did love all the girls. What was going through my mind honestly. I think I was so shocked that I just was like what's happening. What's happening what you do? It was like one of those moments that you know like you you kind of this out of body experience that you're looking at the situation and you're like oh you're you're in trouble. What are you going to? You don't know what you're GonNa do so I mean honestly it was. It was so fast like those things are so fast five minutes long so I mean I didn't have a lot of time to like reprocess Peter knows like Peter because he didn't help you this. I was like you can tell them on the phone for the past week how much you love. This is your time to say it right now. No heathen didn't throw you any bones. There he was like look. This shook as I I mean we were both like. That's what I said I try and justify it for everyone. Everyone side because I'm like what do you do in that moment? You know you're on live TV your put on the spot. You WanNA react in a mature way to logically not emotionally like all these things. But you're like what do I do? So you freeze. That's just what you do and Chris Chris Chris Ayers and looked at me and he was like not that happening. Say Cocaine Yeah. I text Chris after I was like. What the hell just happened and he was like. I don't know but it's like I really don't know all of us all about nature. Okay here's your other to choose from if you watch the season back. Which scene was the hardest for you to watch? Or who from the franchise? Would you most likely go on a date with you is? They're both great questions. I agree thank you. I don't know okay. I'll go with number two. I don't know because I really huge on personality. So you know it depends on like our personalities vibe and again there's only so much you see on TV an. I've never met like any other than Peter. But Hand Brown had a pretty Pretty good cast pretty good selection. Yes she did. I Okay I would say it's one person it's one. I I can tell you if I mean pick five. I don't care I would say okay I would say. There's there's three from her season that I think are really cute in really sweet. I don't know that I would ever vibe with them. But okay. Let's see I would say conor tyler in Mike are probably the those are three really good ones? That are just like really attractive in really sweet. Just don't follow connor on Tick Tock Place. Have you seen his tectonics? No THEY'VE AD. Oh dear Lord. I don't know what it is changed my opinion. I think he seems like such a Sweetie Cutie. And so nice. But I'm like I watch. Sometimes his pick talks. Come up on like my. You know if I'm just swiping and I'm like waiting for something I'm a that was your talk you know. That's that's again that's like me hate on an eyelash is if that's the only thing I can really out about him that's bad. Hey but important. It has become my life during this quarantine so it carries a heavyweight there. You Go yeah. Just watching them. We'll see but tyler who good one and and Mike. You haven't talked to either one of them No. I haven't talked to any. I mean that hoping came out with the corner thing. When we hadn't even talked it was just him reaching out after finale by telling me that I did done such a good job and he was just like here if I ever need anything. It just really really sweet but we never like were talking back and forth so. I haven't really talked to. Any of them haven't met any of them But again just from what I've seen on. Tv they all are cute Threat they say. Well I know Tyler. And he's very sweet and the other two seem very nice. So those are good picks. Those are good pets. Okay either. Who is the most famous person who slid into your DM's or did you or did you not right? Genuine unreal on your own instagram posts. Got Okay well okay. I will actually answer that. No one will believe me and no one I will. I'll believe you. It doesn't matter these days if you tell the truth or not because people are going to have their opinions and they're going to believe what they want to believe but be true. True story is that I did not write that. My friends really did right. That's happened to me. That's why I believe you well. It's so hard because when you have different accounts if the notification pops up like I've had to run like a couple of businesses business accounts reports of notation. Pops up like you click on. It goes to the other accounts. What happens was when I was on the show? I had always photography accounts like these different accounts. Or whatever and my phone number address and things like that were on there and people were like leaking it and getting a hold of it in so my mom got one of her friends to Kinda like hack into my instagram to take that down and delete those pages and Into she had access to like all accounts and had kind of helped me taping down in and run things a little bit and in so she just was like accidentally on it in common but again literally I mean I honestly wish that it would have been me because I'm like honestly I think it's hilarious in I WanNa omit unlike I thought about buying one of Nick byles shirts and rubbing any like. Yeah this is this is. This is my life but it really. It really truly was like friends but But again don't no one believes it and that's fine too. That's funny 'cause Cleo my manager and one of my best friends she has access to my account and that's actually happened with us before where she went to write on one of my pictures it was just. I wasn't as relevant as you at the time so it didn't get picked up picks up literally will I I remember. She called me and she was panicked panic. She was getting black. She was getting so much hate because people are people and she like DMZ account that picked it up immediately and they responded they relied. Ll It happens like that's so funny like no worries but they didn't take down literally every account picks it up it literally on every magazine and I was like yes. That's great. I mean honestly I should start something Janina genuine. And I'm like it's it's yeah you need to like brand that. It's so funny because I'm like that's such an innocent thing. Google my name during my time and see what pops up. You'll feel a lot better about everything with all. Its like everybody like leeches onto something and everyone has opinions about everything so totally the world we live in. I get it okay. Last one describe Peter's basketball skills in one word or who do you think was the least compatible with Peter out of all? The girls heaters basketball skill. Oh my gosh I would say first of all after that after that hometown date like when it aired those tweets about his basketball skills. Were probably my favorite's entire season they were iconic. He's skills in one word. All man honestly. The first thing that comes to my mind is tragic. I mean is tragic and and it's like I'm trying to obviously be like the girl girlfriend or whatever I was at the time around like you're doing great to be here and I'm like these little middle schoolers train on a regular basis or better do better but hey I mean it wasn't his thing and he'll be the first to admit and so no no hate. No shame but it was hilarious. You're nuts that's really funny. All right so being home so much especially during a crisis like this can be a breeding ground for anxiety without the stability of our normal daily routine. The mind can fill with the worst case scenarios. What ifs and worries you may feel lonely but you are not alone for mental health awareness. Month Talk Space Online. Therapy is more committed than ever to expanding access to support for anyone who is struggling. I love this with talks base. You get the support of a licensed therapist from the safety of your home and can reach out from your device. Whenever something is on your mind you can send your therapist text audio picture or video messages from your phone or computer. Twenty four seven as much as you need to. Everything happens within. Toc spaces secure platform all on your schedule. Talks race matches you with a licensed therapist. Based on your needs and preferences they have thousands of licensed therapist. Trained in over forty specialties including anxiety. Depression and relationship issues. Once you're matched you can begin therapy the very same day. I have to say signing up and getting matched therapist was very quick very easy which is amazing since I wanted to get started as APP. I've absolutely loved using talk space so far. There are so many options from text video or your phone or your computer so it's really convenient no matter where you are or what's going on. I personally like using text for my phone since it's always on me but it's nice to know I can switch it up. You guys know. Think therapy is always extremely helpful but now more than ever having talks base is just so amazing the bottom line you deserve support and you don't have to struggle on your own. Your talks based therapists can be your dedicated support system there to help you feel healthier and more empowered even in uncertain circumstances as a listener to this podcast. You can get one hundred dollars off your first month on talk space to match with your perfect therapist. Go to talks based DOT COM or download. The APP make sure to use the code vine to get one hundred dollars off your first month and show your support for the show that's vine at talks base dot Com. Okay well okay I have. How much time do you have five minutes? Yeah I'm in quarantine live all night. That's the thing people don't have excuses anymore. If I'm like do you have five minutes? You say no Liar Liar. You are going to put on sweats. Lay in bed and watch Netflix. That's what do you watch it on. Netflix okay I I really have A. We are family has been more into movies lately. We really haven't gotten into show their my family's been into a cry for Executives caught. It's like all American or something. Yeah I saw that on Netflix. Yeah so a little bit of that. And then We watch the voice when the voice comes on. Listen to your heart just started. I mean isn't a few different shows but none that I've really got into efficacy to friends off which was like ever the twenty four seven. If you'd like I could reenact every season every episode. I look at the titles and I'm like I could tell you literally full on description on exactly what happens in every single episode that actually that would be a good game to be like okay this episode and you'd have to tell me what season and like we can. We play that we need to date. We'll do when we can actually do podcast in person. We'll do like a whole friends trivia game. Okay okay so this one. I just want to know 'cause it's relationship dealbreakers. Okay so just. Yes or no deal breaker. Not Today I one I. He's been engaged before then engaged before. No that's not a deal breaker for me. I mean I'd want I'd ask questions for sure. I'd want to know why he's I've been engaged before and I'm like what you want to know all your you don't get along with his family. Yeah that's that's that's kind of a deal breaker. It's totally deal breaker for me. He expects you to cook dinner every night. I mean I would. I would try to negotiate. Batum really good negotiator. I like that but I enjoy like I like eating in but I'm not probably going to be the typical housewife. That's just not me so yeah so like I mean. If that's like a a must in life may have to have that typical housewife than like. That's not me like it's not gonNa work out totally. He has a bunch of inappropriate. Instagram accounts that he follows. I guess it depends on like what it is like naked girls. Yeah that's probably there's probably some underlying issues there Dealbreaker would be for me to Let's pick a couple good ones okay. He's a fan of you from bachelor. Well is it like an admirable typing or is it like I'm obsessed with you type thing That's you're finding a loophole hair. I because it matters. It's like okay. I really loved how you handled yourself like. I'm trying to like okay now. I'm so I'm going to go with the route that he's like obsessed and that's the only so Y- yeah this creepy. Okay and then He. He has no manners. Ou know. That's dealbreaker yeah me too. I need I need to manners. What about if? He's a bad tipper tipper look at a restaurant I mean. I feel like that that something. That's not that big as I feel there's conversations that you can have you know what I mean I'd be like. Why are you so Frugal? Like why aren't you like but I feel like that's something you could talk through whereas Kinda that's true. You can train them. Yeah Yeah you can train them. Okay well to end this off. Why don't you tell us what you learned the most about yourself through all of this and where everybody can find you? Okay the Mo what I learned the most about my time on the show I would say honestly. It's just like something that I've kind of lived on my entire life but it's definitely something that came out even more when I was on. The show is like no. You are always stand up for what you believe in and Yeah I don't don't be ashamed of that. You know in in just because there's this pressure were. There's these expectations of you have high standards. Know what you want and don't settle for anything less than that Don't let other people define you? Don't let other people tell you what you should or shouldn't do Nobody you are no what you deserve in. Never settle for anything less than that. Yes I love it snaps for you. And before people know where they can find him they already do but is there anything that we missed that you'd WANNA touch on that? We didn't anything you want to say to everybody that that you just didn't get a chance to no no. I mean I think we. We did a good job of covering everything I really. I really am appreciative. Of all of those who have been so supportive in so encouraging during this time you know this is this is something that was really hard to walk through and Mike. You said it's hard being in a position where a lot of people don't get to see all of you they see what's on the TV screen in a little bit that there is on there and like you said like some of its edited version. So it's you know they don't get to see the fullness of who you are and now is really difficult and so I just I want to thank everyone honestly who have just been Amazing it kind of rallied around me during this hard time. I'm really hard on myself. And so it's really encouraging. I think here affirmations from other people into no alike. Oh I actually encourage someone and I actually was able to help someone in help you know like one of my favorite things was actually remember. After I shared fantasy date with Peter. I remember getting on twitter and I had all these girls tweeting at me saying Thank you were just like being unashamed of who you are your standards like it's completely challenge me. And also one that that tweeted at me and said that she had had a bunch of guys or a few guys snapchat her and say. I'm sorry for the way that I treated. You be treated better. And because like I see you know there's value in treating women respected women who have high standards like you know. I I apologize for not doing that. So that was like really really touching encouraging gin Just to know that you go through something hard to know that you're able to somehow like encourage someone that is is really encouraging so I would saving you to those who who have come alongside me but other than that you know I mean I e like you know I feel like we did a good job on touching on a lot of things. We did a really good job. And I can't believe I didn't bring up the whole time that you're going out with Selena Gomez that's great. She is amazing. I love her. She's great new amazing either. I think she's such a cool room role model and like a good a good person. That's out there in that world. So that's cool that you have someone like Nazi was like she really came along side of me. You hung out. I spent time with her right. After the break-up so she was really awesome person just to lean on just had so much wisdom so much advice and just such a good job of loving on me during that time. So we're yes. She's she's amazing justice literally the most incredible human in just as what you would imagine her to be. She is time to end so I have heard that I have heard that through many people who have met her know her that that she is the real deal and very sweet and she seems that way. So that's and she's been through her fair share of the you know media and relationships so good person lots of advice I'm sure and then where Where can everybody find you what you have coming up next So as soon as this quarantines over my plans are to move out to La and To kind of start this new chapter. I'm young I'm single. Unlike Lysa was just you know I don't know like I. I WANNA be adventurous in. Try New things in just Canada's myself out there I've lived in Alabama whole life. Some like was do something new. Let's try something new and so I'm going to go out there. I don't know if I'll love. It might heated. Might end up moving but my love. It might say forever. So never know you'll find out and take talked. Tell me all the good stuff. Instagram atty Peru talk at Mattie Peru. You can find me catch. Catch me on top that I'm sitting pretty much all of my time during warranty and when I'm bored out of my mind I am swirling through ticks off and trying to remake these dances or seven so it has been my favorite thing honestly during so it's it's addicting it is addicting. I'm like someone who's takes way for me. Yeah I know it's literally it's literally all I do and then Jason will bust me like trying to lick dance. It's so funny. They we need to do an account like someone needs to do the behind the scenes of like failing every talk but is it. Well thank you so so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your side of the story and I know from personal experience. That things can be really difficult and challenging but I mean so much light and so much beauty can come from this as well and I'm sure you learned a lot along the way so And then maybe just you know when this comes out at a link and swipe up for your Mascara I wanNA know. Give the people what they want. Thank you so much. And I'm Kaitlyn Bristowe. I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. To off the vine with Kaitlyn bristowe get new episodes. Every Tuesday -clusive Lee on podcast one dot com the podcast one APP and prescribe on Apple podcasts TV.