83: COVID Couples Counseling Part Deux
Hi Shelley? Hi Mary Covid Man that we're talking about today's episode. The better of US thank. So I called this episode covid Couples Counseling Part Dea Dea because. We needed a little more couples counseling we. We sure did seem to just conduct ourselves. Help a therapist called social distance. At home kids. Just you know this is not all we're gonNA talk about you. Guys don't have to listen to our problems. For the entire time. We also have a foon pod. And he said what and a letter Oh. Yeah, we got all the stuff Yeah, she! We go for it. I think we should do it bareback. Hey everybody welcome to latter day lesbian the podcast about a next Mormon, gay girl, just trying to figure out. That GONNA. Get you have to introduce yourself. Your Mary ICM Shelley I'm just thinking from what happened yesterday. Still going on K.. Okay. We'll get into all that later, and yes, I am Mary and I am Shelly. Okay, so we got a lot to do. Get some stuff to cover. What do you WanNa? Do I Dive right into our need for Koga couples counseling. You don't WanNa way teas that and do that later. Sure teased consider consider as. A, he said what Ou should do that when I yeah because he's such a Douche total dose. Kate got ready three two one. He's. A A little atonal. It was her the music. Dogs are howling E. L. of the the. Bad. WELL ANYWAY WE'LL WE'RE GONNA go with the not we're. GonNa go on. It throw a dart at the note and. Try to usually you're. To hold it this time you did gray. Thank, but it was just an ugly note that I was holding They call it atonal. What does that mean? Doesn't actually exist in nature. I Dunno modern composers were doing crazy shit with chords. That sounded classy like that so I was like a modern. You're. You're like Stravinsky or some Shit Hell Yeah. uh-huh, actually more like liberace. Okay. I'm going out to all the music. nerds out there with the stravinsky reference. Yeah, know who you are now. A like Liberace, did you not flashy? Yeah, you're not that flashy. Are Peggie, OS, or whatever the fuck as beautiful. Okay, anyway should we go into the? He said Yeah. Let's do it. So this is amazing isn't It's amazing. The shitty had the gall right. How dare they this? He in the? He said what his name is David, Bonner, and he's the manager of gift. Planning Services Philanthropies Department of the Mormon Church Gift Services Gift Planning Services Planning Services. This is like those weird vending machines, or you can buy goats, and they have that, too is bullsh- okay. What are they planning to give I? Don't one of those plans that never come to fruition. Plan give it, but I don't know. It's never got around to it. okay, so this was sent out snail mail to lots and lots of people because I've seen it pop up everywhere now. from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints another landing. Okay dear so, and so and so and so it's been marked out. Oh, okay in the midst of these current unique circumstances. We hope that you and your family are healthy and happy on that same night I. Really feel his concerned. Yeah, yeah to strangers. Okay, we realized that for you. Supporting the causes you love is about much more than just getting a tax break. However, we also recognized for you. Thoughtful tax planning makes good sense accordingly. We want to make you aware that you may be able to use pretax dollars for gifts, but you were already making If you are at least seventy and a half years old, yeah, it's prey on the and a half seven and a half. Have a traditional individual retirement account IRA. You could see significant tax benefits by making an I. R. A. Qualified Charitable Distribution, and I are a QC d short for the word allows you to transfer up to one hundred thousand dollars per year from your traditional IRA directly to a qualified charitable organization. All my God, the amount of the qualified charitable distribution is not included in your taxable income and can be made to the church. For tithing fast offerings or church affiliated entities, you may already be supporting including donations to the following Church General Fund. Church History Fund. The humane like whitewashed history. Family Search Fund General Missionary Fund Humanitarian Aid Fund Tabernacle Choir Fund. When they need new robes or something. She It got lot one. Hundred thousand dollars are printing religious or novel. Then Byu Byu Idaho Byu Hawaii Blah. Blah okay, so let's back this up for a second the Mormon Church. which has at a minimum of one hundred and thirty billion dollars in cash and assets shit one, hundred, thirty billion is now knocking on the doors of the old folks. And saying hey, you know what that money lying around your IRA yeah. You don't WanNa pay taxes on it right, so you gave it to us because we made it. Yeah, give it to us for these bullshits doomed asked charities in quotations like the Tabernacle Choir Fall, and I wonder I wish we had someone who could weigh in on this are members of the Tabernacle Choir expected to shell out the money for their own robes and sheet music. I mean. What else would they need? Maybe travel money you know I don't road I do know is who the fuck cares. If this church has one hundred and thirty billion dollars by them a Goddamn. For sure and I was mistaken. I thought this. You know giving funding, or whatever was about the church giving money, so he was in charge of now. They don't give money. Silly me. It's for old people. People to give money. Yeah, this is their gifts that are planning to be given yet. WHO's at Church? Yeah, so they can get a tax break of I ever ever ever. Ember from here on out. Give one penny to the church. You have the permission to punch me square in the nose. Okay, say everyone more time though ever thank you. Yeah, so the church is telling old people. Old Mormons sure hey, you can get a tax break. One hundred thousand dollars a year a year. Give to us and we needed. Yeah, we need it. And the thing that I'm thinking is like what the fuck, but there are, and I have heard this from people who I know personally in old people's wills, the money is not given to the children, which is typical to give them to the children. The money's given to the church and they die. The bulk of their money goes to the church listen. that he pulling young, she's. Yeah needs your money gets. You're just broke better, we better. Out They, don't need your. Knee. And the fact that they're asking people here. My opinion, they're taking advantage of the elderly set who are probably nearing death in and again this is my opinion, seventy and a half look I mean you're about to go? But you're thinking about your standing in the kingdom, right? You're thinking of her your way into heaven. This is one extra push. This one more get some points. Yeah, and I think that. Yeah, it's like how they tithing fired dry. Burn in Hell. This is like well. I'm going to give to the Lord's Church and show just healthy and right. Yes, I am Oh. They're probably guilted further I, mean that this doesn't even cover. Yeah, sure sure. There's a lot of guilting i. want to read the first sentence last paragraph it says, of course as with any financial decision you. You should always consult your personal tax or financial adviser. I WANNA. See some seventy and a half year old. Go to a financial planner who was not Mormon right and tell them their plan of giving this money to the two hundred and thirty plus billion dollar church and watch them. Go with the fucking with you. Okay, so, what's the likelihood of them going to a Non Mormon? Prepare, they wouldn't never ever would for sure. Yeah, they would go mormon tax preparer and they'd be like you know what I only need. This much to live for the next ten years, or however long can I get tax break by doing this? Let me look. Yeah, yes, sure, of course, yes! I mean just projecting that, but yeah. I mean I could see if The church was Super Great Ding out caregiving for those same people should do you know how much of that one hundred thousand dollars is going to actually to help? People for Shock Point Zero Zero. Sheet music for the ever Nick Wire. Enemy wrong the Tabernacle Choir Sang. The, get you in the field. Do they get with you, but they shouldn't need old people to buy them row. That row better be bedazzled. Shit they wear ugly. Ugly Robes. Why what's that Guy's name again? David Bonner David Bonner. That's for you, my friend. It's Ju-. It's like it I. Don't know how else to put. This church sucks I'm going to try to bring it down to a very small monetary level. Okay, here we go. I purchased fish food from time to time to give to the fish live in this creek. From us, I do wouldn't fed them yesterday. There's a whole story to that. And I. Make Plenty of money to feed those fish. If you're putting in comparison is like a dollar ratio. And if I threw out a freaking, go fund me for buying fish. Saying you know what you guys can send me money to. Shoot is expensive. Food is expensive. But you guys are like you. You have plenty of money the fish, but no I want your money sure, but actually I'm gonNA. Take your money and I'm gonNA use a teeny, teeny, teeny, teeny, tiny percentage of the fish, and the rams going to put my back. Yeah, just put that in your pocket. That could have been a weird comparison, but. Same idea, but just like on the multibillion dollar levels church. What do you think of that Mary? don't do it I. Won't support you in this. And I think that church can suck it. Suck it. That's what I think. Suck it. Suck it sound. Church suck it. You notice should be should be that air whistle the sliding whistle. Is that a second? It's just a fun sound, okay. Well Dan and if you can find a sliding, whistle like a slide whistle. Here! How about just like a? No I don't actually sucking. That's gross, but aside whistle like we know we're talking about sucking, but we're not actually hearing the sound. K., what shelly wants shell gets. I, guess basically money to feed the fish fish food money. Is that like some sort of swim the? Reverend Dez totaling K. David Bonner. That's what you're gonNA. Do go did I say that that sounds like a threat David. She doesn't actually mean that. No, just go former. Fish brother Bonner Bonner so now that I'm thinking of feeding the fish. Yesterday we walked down to this creek because it had just rained shit time, and so it was really full, and we've gone there before, and there's this little bridge, and you can see the little minnows down there just swimming happily and I. Get fish food when I can afford it. It's expensive. And I sprinkle it in the water. You're like I. Don't know what six feet above the water standing on the bridge may me. Five anyway. It doesn't matter okay, and then we watched the wild fish company fish. It's really fun. It's entertaining. went to do that yesterday, but only ruining the ecosystem back saying. Commercial Fish Fish think they die when it dries up anyway so I just have them happy life while they're sure like Jesus would. That under WWE J. D.. Fish actually! They would to people sure though. Maybe you're not like. Jesus I got that one wrong. I. He's GonNa be the fish. Fatten him up and then serve them with the Lobes to the masses and capable of. Meeting the fish. Tale, so as I was feeding the fish yesterday, the current was pretty strong I mean it was like going. You couldn't really see the fish because. At the time, yeah I kept trying to feed him, and then I dropped. The LID should do the fish food down in the water. And it was like tap your. Good thing now I'm trying to be. You're listening plastic and there's not. There's not a good way to go down to the creek like it's true, so it had just rained. The rocks were super slippery, wearing flip flops muddy bank. The whole thing was really nerve wracking. Yeah, but I couldn't onlookers meaning me and the dogs. Dogs by the lesion. They're like what are you doing? In Your Life. I had to go down to the water to try to get the. Lid In wet flops on weapon then every time you did like the CAN, the current would take it further down, and then you'd come back around and we whip back up to the same Roxie. Were just at it was it was a whole thing the whole it was a whole. Big We're. Maybe that was the beginning of the end of our decent day because it all went downhill from there. By the way I did get the orange live out of the current so fish welcome. I didn't pollute. Yeah, you did that. Part was happy ending. Yeah, and then the rest of it went to Shit. Should we do a foam bud before we get into assume pod. Let's do it came. Oh, you're quizzing me, aren't you? Yeah, can I say music if you must. Cheese to Muzak. Okay Shelley what's Today's Foon pod. Today's fucked up Mormon phrasing. The day is brought to us by Alice Alice Alice. Good for analysis that is our good friend. And Alice is one of the moderators of our letter, Lesbian Discussion Group and one of our first patrons. Yes, and we future on an episode few episodes back. We did and we went on a cruise with her. On channels, Yup. L. is involved. Alice is really a nickname involved. Engulfed Alison, she, it's A. full-service she sure. On that as you will us all right here, we go the fuck that woman phrase of the day today is the three new fights go the three neophytes. Weren't those the wise men that visited Jesus in the manger. Those were wiseman. Buys Man. But. It wouldn't be too far fetched for Joseph Smith to be like those are. Fights! Guess. It's wrong, but it took you like that. Guess. Yeah I. Knew that they were somehow featured in the book of Mormon. Because you know, everything is generally his knee fighter, Laima night related. The layman nights were kind of the bag is right. What? What did you think when I I, said the word late night in the fight lame. Book is this in? Were you like what are you? Book Abraham and the whole thing is Gobbledegook well? You know it's funny is when you're Mormon. Sometimes you forget what's Bible, and what's Book of Mormon, and so you're talking to someone who is not a Mormon and you're like. Yeah, the flow Blah and they look at you like you're crazy. 'cause you're crazy well. He's just getting creative. So like you know Jesus talked about the Pharisees and the sad. Jesse's I want to say I mean those seem like up words, too, so it kind of doesn't matter neophytes laminates. Opposing tribes. Yeah see notes stupid, but are you going to try to answer the question? It a shot out every. Fights I think they came with some sort of a proclamation and morning for the people about their behavior, and maybe there was a golden calf or something physical cavernous story. I think that's viable. Crossover I don't know everything's plagiarize. FUCKING NO! Fight. I get a buzzer. Yeah, buzz the shit out of her. Much better. Okay, you ready. I'm so ready for this. Okay, so we all know that after Jesus died, he was resurrected and right. any went to the new world. Oh America. Yeah, we know this right. He went there to spread the Zuri right. No! This was to spread the Gospel to the indigenous peoples. So so this was in Utah. Now we're. All made up my hope you like New Zealand. WHO THE FUCK! Mormons believe that Jesus came to the new world to gather the other sheep of his fold right and while Jesus was in the new world. He selected three men from the knee fights, so they came with him women. Three so the neophytes were already here in the new world to Ha-. The nearby Ancient People in the Americas descended from a Jewish prophet knee Fi. Yeah according to Mormons like we're Jewish because the gentiles are the people who are not why you're so blonde and you like Manny's the fuck. Okay, not all Mormons are blonde. Oh, they elect Nannies I just my little joke. Oh, sorry, Jello, whatever he picks Joel made with mayonnaise Scottish. Anyway, so, Jesus of these people that he just you know stumbled into in the new world. People went to Save A. He picks three neophytes income his disciples. Okay, this sounds totally plausible by the way. Yeah, well is so most of the neophytes were killed and they were destroyed because they turned wicked. There's the ones they wicked, and they'd be had into having dark skin. Oh, right, the curse! Did they become lemonades at that point? Tuna for instance drive I'm not sure if they started calling us also not forget the Anti Lehigh Fees Oh. God. I completely forgot about it. Are you. Starting to? Okay exude renew fights that Jesus picked. They decided that they wanted immortality select. Before Jesus left Earth again, they were like we want to live forever. We WanNA bring the souls of men unto, Jesus, while the world shall stand in other words, according to the second coming and according to the book of Mormon, which we all know is a bunch of puck. They were caught up into heaven. These three fights in Christ gave them immortality well now. Understood to be translated beings Tran with that is. Thinking speak multiple languages. It's better we'll save that one for next. Okay, there's more it gets better morning to mormonism the three neophytes. He special three boys obviously their voice obviously. Ministered unto all the people uniting his many churches would believe in their preaching baptizing them, and as many were baptized, did receive the Holy Ghost okay, the neophytes purpose was to minister to all the nations on the American continents wow they were busy. Here's the best part. The three fights are still operating in the world today, what they can appear and disappear at will perform miracles and increase the ranks of the Mormon Faithful Oh. My goodness ran. The Gym yesterday. You seen one of these three. They're all wearing covid masks, so it's impossible to. You know what's so whack-a-mole is I grew up hearing like the three neophyte fairytales? People saying that they saw them. They saw them or they. They were hanging they. were, you're right. It's it's big. It's fucking glor- they have names. NFL living fights means. Mormon, the Prophet Mormon who abridged the Book of Mormon, got it okay, okay, who supposedly lived about four hundred years after the three were blessed by Jesus wrote I. Have Seen Them, and they have ministered unto me. Mormon intended to write the names of the three fights, but God forbid him to do so. I just wanted to write. The names got. You shall not right there. Slide whistle. And So the three fights slash bigfoot wandering around the world s monster. On and Santa, they're wandering the world converting people to Mormonism Mormonism, because yeah, that's so interesting so Missouri really didn't play into Jesus at all. That's for the second. He's coming back there right, but that but with his Jesus was never there in MS Avenue. Yes I can't keep this folklore straight. Get it together. You write this down. I mean it makes a good story. It makes you wonder what the fuck he was smoking. Those Joe Shit Yeah because this is crazy. Crap listeners if you heard any folklore stories about the three fights sentimen you like random sightings of the post officers, usually your GRANDPA. Remember back in my day. Three Nissan's names, I don't know it would have been better story if God not only. Him To write the names of the three neophytes, but he struck him dead when his pen had the paper. That would've been a better story. Yeah, but how would he have written that story just been like trailed off and. Then we just make up. What happened Kinda like Joe Smith details? Well. Or. Maybe something else happened in like he was stricken dumbs. We couldn't talk anymore or something that gets. Of the younger. Oh. My God if I didn't say it before I'm trying to think it's all fake there you go. This shit so stupid. How did you believe I? There was nothing else to believe is so dumb, I know. I know there's nothing else to believe in there. Wasn't this just my entire education. People? Wake the fuck up the. One hundred thousand dollars a year. And a half don't the church That's awful. It is awful with seven and a half got to do with it I. Don't I don't know. Really Slimy to me yet shitty now like you know what they should have done is sent out that letter and then shown how much of that hundred thousand would go to these things in comparison like how much they actually need it real numbers, but the church never really shows yeah real numbers. They're not about that because it makes them look like assets which they are. And how does this David Bonner Guy Sleep at night. He's asking people to give to A. A foundation that already has a shit ton of money. Maybe he doesn't know how much it has. Maybe he thinks that they're trying to stockpile for the second coming. He's either a total devious. Shaq Wad or he truly believes this shit. That like this is what God wants them to do, he must. He's got to be brainwashed to be able to do that, too old people and stockpile for the second coming. That is still a crazy concept to Mr. Brok, Jesus. He needs a new pair of sandals, everybody. Answer! Sheet Museum road. Robes he needs a new robe. and He needs to pay for a haircut and a beard trim. Want even let him in the Church right? Yeah, exactly he's gonNA need a soup. Oh, for sure he's going to need a suit and Garments Oh. Jesus needs garments to remind himself of himself Jesus Needs Jeez. Jeez. Jesus a checkout. Jesus genes yeah, go new bumper sticker. Hurt well. I think I'm that note. We should just take a little break. I WANNA I WANNA teaser teaser. Yeah, tease away last night I. Got Pissed at Mary for trying to purchase two bottles of Water Yup that happened. Sure, you guys! Could Story. That we're talking about. is off the road. Arose in stages over. Waiting Married. We're GONNA get into all that crap when we get back, hang with us. We are back SRI WANNA relive. What happened? Through last night. We are super stressed. There were crazy storms here in the region. Yeah, and we came home, and The power was out and it's humid. Oh, hell! The ninety so bad. It's so hot! Yeah, power was out and we were getting on the power company's website to find out usually they can give you an update of when it's going to be fixed, and we couldn't get any power was out. Everywhere was bad. It wasn't like just are street. They'RE GONNA fix. It turned out down like down the street and. And around the corner there was a big fire from a downed power line and their big fire Yup Yup are we missed all that, but our power was out until think it came back on like twelve thirty, so it's like six PM. We decided to go feed the fish we did. We will be the dish. That's the story we already told. took the dogs Yep Yep and we were GONNA come back and in my mind I. was like you know what I'm. GonNa light candles of got a couple of steaks and making yourself sound so lovely. This was all going through my head when I was like I'm GonNa. Come back and start the generator and turn all the power on. That was in my head, okay? Okay noted their heads Yep you. Were GonNA fix the Power Shit I was GonNa make a nice romantic dinner by candlelight. Okay with two stakes. We had fresh veggies from the garden. We have gas off. Yeah, sounds like you know what I can either grill. The stakes 'cause that's propane or I can cook them on the stove top and I can Saute the veggies. Yeah bottle of Wine Yep there. You go didn't go that way. I was out in the garage, trying to figure out this damn generator. We thought it was a house Jenna. Like a whole. How as when we rented the place I was under the assumption. Maybe I just misheard landlord that this generator would actually run the A in some lights. If we ever lost power, also we start at least. Right now as I'm looking at it, as like this really weird plug that fits like probably the back of frigid, says weird shoots, three prong. Big Ones, not the little. What did that even plug into? I'm guessing a fridge I. Don't know, but I'm not about to like. pull the fridge away from the wall and that you'd have to bring the generator up to where the fridge is because the cable is, that would be two audis anyway. I don't even think that would work. I'm not sure what you plug that thing and yeah. I I. There needs to be an outlet in the garage. There wasn't washing machine. It looked everywhere. nothing nothing nothing that you know we couldn't figure it. I know so finally I am dripping sweat. Going down, so I have a little bit, but it's. It's hot like heart disease. Is I was frustrated. Yeah, I'm. And I was tired and I'm inside. Got The veggies chopping I got the stakes out ready to go That's what I was doing on the inside of that. Yes, she was on the inside candles and flashlights is all about it? Meanwhile I'm frustrated shit. I'm so hot I can't even handle it, I. Give get Ahold Landlords, and it turns out the way that you use generator is, you can plug an extension cord in and then plug something in the House I'm like. Yes, you have to run the extension cord like this long. Ask Extension Cord from the garage into the house to plug something a fan. Going to help, you can't even have a see. No AC won't worked. Lights come on can't watch TV. You could plug in like one light or the TV plug in a lamp. Yeah, LAMP! Yeah, no overhead lights, so it'd be like a lamp. Okay? I don't even know how many things you can plug in right and so then I'm like I. Don't know if I trust this thing. Because in the landlord was also be careful when you start it. We haven't used it in a while, so at this point. I'm sitting there. Does he give gas in? The man you on, it was like of course in the manual shows you like the twelve ways you can die using inappropriately really. At this point I was not feeling the generator, yeah, hot and exhausted like I mentioned how hot, and I was so go inside. It's getting dark and I still flop down in the chair and I'm like what do we do I'm not staying here tonight. Right and Mary was all about going to hotel were cool. But I wanted to go now. 'cause I just wanted to get out? My anxiety was like nine out of ten because I was sweating, and I, just when I. When my anxiety hits really hard I just WanNa get out of the situation I know I was being testy, so then the argument was ahead well, then I was like well I've got the food starting to make it. Why don't we eat and then Pekka bag and then go to a hotel right? Yeah, but I wasn't having that in my mind, because Mary was GONNA. Make steaks and to me stakes special food, not when you're hot and sweaty and. Yes stakes are not for hot and sweaty and aggravated, and we love to watch. TV while we just this thing that we do we i. don't know we kind of bond over it. We look forward to our dinner watching TV. We'll. Certainly it's definitely your thing for sure that with me I. Do it with you for sure. I don't have to do it right right. Okay and I was like you know what I can use. My hotspot on my phone I can probably fire up. Apple TV on my computer. I'm trying to figure out ways. All. My. Anxiety mind meant that we were going to be sitting in this heat for like another way too long. And so Mary's like what the vegetables and I'm going. Okay, but I want to enjoy your stake. I don't want to sweat into my steak and eat stink. And then she's like why don't want to put it back in the fridge I? Don't WANNA freeze it. I don't put in the fridge. Anyway. Went Back. We went around and around the money wasn't yelling, but it was very were both frustrating so frustrating, and then we'll get the point where I'm like look. I can't make now. I just can't. Meanwhile it's getting later and later and I'm getting frustrated because I want to get out of here. Yeah I wasn't even that. Hungary was like I. Don't want I'm hot and sweaty. I'm not even the hungry I don't want to eat. Eat a heavy steak and then leave. Yeah, we were very very testy. It wasn't great. It took a long time to kind of finally. Resolve it where we were gonNA I was GONNA put all the meat in the freezer. 'cause we didn't know when the power was gonNA come back on I. Put all the veggies on a plastic bag and we did end up packing a bag and getting out and You booked a hotel. She can she patel and We went and got food. We've found a place that was open. At this point. We get near the hotel. Line. Yes, but I forgot. Ask going round and round I just wanted to get takeout and go to the hotel You're like I. have perfectly good stakes right here. Why do you want to spend money on takeout and I'm like I? Just WanNa. Get Out. Yes, so that was also yes, and we didn't know exactly where the power was gonna be on. Who is going to be open? It was almost nine o'clock at this point, so so we end up at a hookah bar. But we didn't smoke hookah. We didn't. We get food. It was like it was open. They had like what Kebabs or something, yeah, so we ordered KEBABS and veggies and rice, or whatever and actually tastes really good what you just jumped over so much. So. You don't and this is going to lead to our Kobe counseling ex day. I'm still hot in exhausted. still having a touch of Vertigo I'm realizing it's like nine thirty. We haven't eaten yet, and we're not checked into the hotel. Right I get out of the car and Mary. It's out of the car. She's driving in. She's got like go locker door and get her keys out of the backpack. In my mind, these are like things that are taking hours to do in my anxiety door. Get keys in Lanka. Don't you like sifting through your bag where am? I Ki-. Where am I keys wearing my keys? What my mom does by like this is such an exaggeration. Exactly my case. Is All transaction probably fifteen. Yeah, I'm standing drenched in sweat wearing a mask by the way which makes it worse anyway. We get inside and we go up there and first of all Mary's asking questions about the menu in my anxiety. Mine I'm like Oh my God just pick something because that was. My anxiety was on ten at that point like nothing was okay at that point Chatting with the guy behind the register. and. He's pointing at pictures on the wall of the foods. You did okay sure. I'm just letting you talk honey thanksgiving. And, so we ordered the food. My God I pointed picture while you're like chatting out what's in this? And I was tired. And my anxiety was on full by the way after this. We're GONNA come up with t Marian Team Shelly shirt. That's conversation. It's not fair. Looking like a right. Keep telling your door. We had damn. I'm keeping all these thoughts on the inside just yet. No, I didn't have any idea that all this was very frustrating. Yeah, yeah, so we get the food ordered I pay for the food and right after I pay for the food. Go ahead, Mary. Oh, yeah I was like. Do you have water because we have a well here? And when the power goes out, we have no way of getting water. You can't even run the faucet or so. She asked the guy and in my mind I'm just. Just like Oh my God. She's talking to the cashier again. One more thing Maria's gotTa do right so like audio have water and he points to the thing where they have bottled waters. We should get some bottled water and shelley's like we can get it at the hotel. They have watery hotel. They have watered the hotel. Okay, so unlike fine fine. Okay, so we were sitting down waiting for said no, no, no, get the water. It took me like twenty seconds to realize I was being Dick. But before we did I was like. Oh my God, I don't I don't even know what to do, so we sit down on the table and I hadn't ordered water and it dawned on me. We have to wait probably another fifteen minutes for our food to come out. I'm going to go pay for water. And what's the big deal I? Want a bottle of water. So I looked at you apologize. You did okay, but I looked at you and I'm like no, I'm just getting a lot of pushback from you to. Very, negative! So I'm just GONNA go get these bottles of water and I got one for both of us, and we still had ten more minutes before the food came out. It was fine, but we realize it's more. We talking through the whole with there's more there's more okay. Get the hotel. We'll sure. We weren't at the hotel yet, so we'll get to the. The hotel to the hotel and it's like. Where do we park where I at this time I couldn't make a choice whatever and I'm sure that was frustrating for you. That I kept not contributing to decision, because like I just well. It's one of sometimes you get like you don't want to make a decision. You get first refusal of any of mine. Is really how that goes. Don't WanNa make a decision, but I also don't like any of your. Anxiety. Badge! Guy Yeah, but we did get into the hotel and we did sit and eat our food and did start. It was brought a bottle of scribe white wine. How Ya and we've got ice machines right across the hall, so we had a glass of wine, and we spread our whatever kebab feast on the bed on top look towel, and we enjoyed it and turn on the TV. TV On. Yes, TV. TV came on I was on air conditioning. Blasting lights were on always well. Yes, we only eight at like what ten thirty eleven o'clock something? Yeah, we'll just kind of weird, but It all ended up fine and then this morning. We were kind of talking through like what was happening what we were. We were driving back home and your navigation told you different direction that we normally ways. And so she always wants me to go this way and I just snapped. I was like no stay on maple. Right and I don't know why that bothered me. As we kind of went back and forth about that and I was like I don't know I don't I don't know why it doesn't matter I. Don't know. Why was what you're irritated at that. Because you thought it was going to take longer. Yeah, but we didn't have a chance to talk. Then we come home and that was when Koga counseling began. So? She explained that her father always took a long time to do anything and made everybody. Wait an inconvenience to everybody. Yes, so if you were about to do something and you're in a car and it's a hot car instead of leaving the air conditioning, running or whatever he'll go back in and do something that takes like another five ten minutes. Yes, not caring about WHO's suffering. WHO's timetable? So it triggered that for you which kind of hearkens back to last week? I'm kind of surprised. You didn't pick takes too long as your answer. That's flowing very loving insurance. Because I know that bothers you. Yeah, my goal is to inconvenience. Join I know and my goal is never to get snippy about it, but when my anxiety is high, it's so hard, you know. I don't want it to be like you need to do with my anxiety, but in a sense like yeah, you know it's not something I can control. I can try do get you know in my anxiety that a ten shit just gets to me and not mean we talked about this. We're not mean to each other. We don't call names. We don't. We do get snippy, but we were able to this morning down and talk about why. And for us, that's a huge key element in our relationship is that we talk about why in Brittany I used to fight all the time, and we never got the why why do this? Because, you blah, blah! No, you but are talking about. Why was why do I get upset at that it really in the long run? It really doesn't matter that you took a different route to get home i. personally think ways is a great APP, and generally I think they're trying to find you the fastest route. That's the her point, but it wasn't about that for me. It was about well backstory. My Dad, who, when he goes to pick me up at the airport, I mean this has forever go, but he never wants. Take fifteen years wants to take. benadryl would back when he would do this. Banger to redwood was like ten times slower. Than I fifteen, but he liked it because he was proud of it. Because it led out to the weather, newhouse was okay, but the has like a stop light every block and he drives so slow that he hits every light red and so for some reason directional things like when you were saying in work. This is a better way. I was like just stay on the. The just go straight just straight because it triggered that memory for you. Yeah I didn't even realize it until we start well. I'm not your family members. Your mom looking for keys I'm not actually you're dead and gone the wheel on. Not Any of these people and I'm me. and I can try to hurry if that's GONNA. Make you feel better about life this is. is how I look at life. You guys you're born, and then you die, and you're filling the time in between If you're route, takes you thirty seconds longer to get home. So what right and I get that I was anxious coming home as well. We can happen I was anxious because when I left the dog here all night and we slept in way too late and And so I was thinking. Oh my God. We gotta hurry and get home because I. Don't WanNa. Clean Up, dog messes. If they made a mess that there was already that anxiety you know anytime. You're thinking of these things you can actually voice exactly what you're thinking. What's causing the anxiety? I didn't know you're worried about the dogs. Another problem things is it makes me shut down. So it kind of challenge things itself like I get anxious and then I just shut down because the anxiety is shutting me down, and sometimes I'll hemmings idea i. don't even know why it's happening, and so if you ask wrong, I don't know Yes, so being able to talk about the why and is helpful in you realized also that when I little little little piles of things around like stack of papers, or whatever reminds me on my mother's clutter in her hoarding. Right Yeah Right which I'm. I'm not clutter or a hoarder. Yeah, but it triggers that end. You also don't take hours to get out the door. You know it's an extra five minutes that I get testy with sometimes You're not my dad, but there's still this little bit that reminds me of that when I leave cluttering reminds you and you don't even think about it It's just this reaction. That's right. We have these triggers right from our childhood. Yeah, yeah, so I guess the point of this code counseling session is. When you fight with your partner, get down to the Y.. Why do I feel it's way not. Why do you feel this way Mary? That's why do I. Feel this way That's not accusatory. That's looking inward and saying. What can I do to make this better? We can't do shit until you know why you're doing it sure you know. Yeah, so, what do we do the next time? Something like this might happen. We're doing. Doing, our own thing I'm making dinner. You're exhausted from having battled with generator in your heart, and you're like giving up. You're wanting to leave right and I'm ready to make dinner. We're kind of not seeing eye to eye. Yeah, I sense that I was anxious in the moment I don't know if it was anxious or if it was just more like tired and frustrated. But. It's hard to know when you are feeling anxiety. Yeah, would it have made a difference if I had said he marry? My anxiety is like at and a half right now. Yeah, I think it might have okay. I need to do that. I instead of shutting down. Why do you want to shut down? Do you think because my I know that my brain isn't working right? I can't make a decision. All I can do is say this is what I want. It's hard to compromise It's hard to come up with a plan, but at the same time in that anxiety. If I'm like this is what I WanNa do and you say okay, we'll do your way then. My anxiety goes up another notch because now I feel like Oh shit doing what I want. She's going to be resentful. It's a tough scituate is having anxiety sucks in being a partner with someone who has anxiety also sucks than suck all the time, but when this hits, it's hard for me and it's really hard for you. It's not just. Just, my thing, you got you deal with them right I. Think what would have been helpful would have been for me to say hey. Mary, I'm so anxious right now. I just I can't do anything right now. Yeah, and I know. If you've come and sat next to me and said wow, you must be really anxious right now. Let's take a breath and make a plan because there was a moment where the anxiety lifted for a second. And I was like. Hey, you know what? Yeah, let's see. Let's see. Stay in then go, but then I think you thought I would just like fine. Let's the steak and so your reaction was. No. No, we'll. We'll do it your way your way so excited boom up again. At that point, we were just thinking. The other person was going to be resentful of whatever decision we wanted to make you know. What are you doing as? A SWELL! Kimberly Anderson no sure, but you go to hookah bar and you don't get those waters. Wow I. don't know if last night we could have actually come to a solution because it had gone out of Control Yeah but I think the fact that we talked about it so deeply the next day that when this happens again with a little bit better prepared. Yeah, maybe so I think so I. Really Hope that it doesn't happen where we lose. `electricity in a sweltering night. That was some bullshit yeah. That suck. Yeah, everybody. Yeah, at least if it was in the middle of winter, and it was an ice storm or something, we could keep each other warm. Oh, the would have been fun. LEGIT snuggle although it had been pitch black. Oh okay. Well. That was fun. Yeah, yeah, who knows helpful for people who are listening or at least entertaining. You know there's a lot of relationships. They are trae. Gay reggae While bottom line though I love this girl and even slow as molasses evident lower at times. Okay, all right well, that's subjective. Call right there about someone's pace in life and I'm just taking it easy here. Kids get it in a hurry baby now. It's not that I'm in a hurry. I just let. I think relieving trump standing by the door number leave, and then suddenly you're looking for two things in packing a laptop or whatever I think this all goes back to your dad making everybody away. Yeah I really do. It's interesting sometimes doesn't bother me, but other times when my anxieties kind of swirling, it's hard. Maybe that's why you're always early for things, not just on time, yeah! early early early, and when early person? Yeah, that is I think we've learned something here today. I'm not sure what but there you go. All right well, that is all. There is to say about that at the moment more to come maybe I don't know we'll see. Down this relationship road well, why don't we move onto a letter letter and you have one do of got one right here. Do you want to do the news sort of intro thing? It's time for an LDL. Insisted we do. Read. Okay, this is from coal coal rights. Mary Shelley Hi. My name is Cole and I. Am a Trans Man. I come from a family of Mormons on my mother's side as far back as Wilfred. Woodroffe, who's that Wilford Woodruff? He was a prophet of the Lord was. Sure it was, my mother had six sisters. Her mother had fourteen siblings. Wow, my mother and her sisters all had between three and nine children. I was born female with two sisters. I think the fact that I had no brothers shielded me to an extent from the negative effects of Patriarchy up. Until about age sixteen, I was tedium, and I had no idea. I was Trans until my thirties, but looking back I, see now. I unconsciously expected people to treat me as a boy. Boy and I was constantly surprised and confused when they didn't. Did you go through this at all? you wanted to be? A tomboy wanted to hang out with boy I'm not saying you identified as Male, but you to be treated differently. You wanted to like hang out with boys. Yes, I would much rather been treated like a boy right and not as in I. Actually was a boy that I was accepted as a boy, and as the way more than the boys. Yeah. You know I just can't stand the heavy gender influence that the Mormon Church has and the way that they separate men and women. Girls and boys into doing girl things we were talking about this. In regards to track how they make the girls pull the wagon. What do they call that? The girls Burleson poll that while the men sit on the boys, sit on the side, right and making on a really steep hill where it's pretty much impossible. Yeah, you know for twelve year old girls to push it up the hill, and so then finally the boys come on in like help them, so they can execute it up the hill road. That's just shitty. Yeah and so it's like. How do we prove quickly that boys are better than girls? Oh feats of strength. Yeah, that's easy. We'll does do feats of strength Anyway I. Get sidetracked really easily. Sorry, we should make boys have to like Bertha Baby. Birth that for you. Yeah talk about feats of strength. Let's get back to Kohl's letter. Shall we call, says I remember my mother teaching me about the SACRAMENT, being blessed and passed and I said. When do I get to do that? And she said Oh you don't only boys do. Want slide whistle. I was very confused by this. I was very much a tomboy. When we had family reunions. I would be outside finding Scorpions, spiders, and lizards with boy cousins while the girl cousins looked at the JC penney catalog inside. Fun, doesn't it because I only had sisters, my dad did things with me. Otherwise may not have like teaching me how to tie a high change. A tire work on cars and build shed. Let's My childhood was great by the time I was a teenager, I began playing sick to get out of church. How yeah I didn't feel like if in there I suffered from depression as a teenager, I was put on one antidepressant after another, and was suicidal Oud by the time I was nineteen. I stopped all the prescription. Drugs Cold Turkey because the side effects were too much by this time I had very much become the black sheep both my sisters still went. Went to church knew what they wanted to do in life and went right onto college admissions, I went to cosmetology school I had my first sexual experience at eighteen with a man and one with a woman within the same year the day after my first gay experience I thought I would feel guilty I. tried to feel guilty i. don't ever remember anyone actually saying it was bad to be gay. It was just never talked about it all. I thought about how wrong it must be. But after thinking about it for a few minutes, and not feeling bad I decided, there must not be anything wrong with it. My next thought was now. My dating pool just doubled. The way to look at it, right? I was outed by my older sister. When I was around twenty, she founded dating profile of Mine Online and drove to the House I was renting a room at to confront me about it, Jesus. When she told me what she found I came out to her. And she cried and cried. Oh Yeah. Poor poor that sister to have a gay system I. Know the Shame Yeah Wow. She said she felt she needed to tell mom and dad. I told her she could. I was not going to force her to keep my secret, but I was not ready to talk. She went back to my parents house to tell them I was paralyzed with fear. I knew my parents loved me, but they loved who they thought. I was and this could change everything. Hey, people not okay to tell someone else's coming out story right? Okay, right now it's not. Cole says I called a friend. We went out to dinner and then rented gay coming out movies at the video store. Yes, and I spent the night at her house. That's actually sounds like a really funny and yeah, after avoiding for my parents for three days. I finally agreed to talk to them when I got to my parents house. My mother said I don't understand and just seemed legitimately confused. I started explaining to her how I had felt different. For as long as I can remember. My father sat listening with an UN- approving look randomly quoting scripture. Sounds really helpful. Thanks, Dad! Was it like so the three neophytes? I'm sure it was. And bigfoot uh-huh finally, he said no matter what you think. The scriptures are clear that it's wrong, so it's actually addressed in the book of Mormon. No. It's nine Oh. Oh, okay, Because the Bible, yeah, not, knowing. I said well I don't believe the scriptures are true, so that's irrelevant to which he replied will. It doesn't matter what you believe. Because the truth is, the truth will Wow can't argue with that. No. You're right, sorry. My bad. We went back and forth a few times, and when my father realized I was not going back down, he stood up and said well I guess we will just wait for you to crash and burn come crawling back. Really Supportive Yeah. I love those supportive parents moments. Of good parenting redline an good job, Kohl's Dad. Yeah, I replied with I need to go do laundry and I walked out the door. That's like the best way to end it. said that last night you know what I need to go on. The hotel here doing laundry. Eating steak. Nice Cole says for most of my twenties. I didn't talk to my family very much, and when I did it was awkward and short I'd series of unhealthy relationships. which my therapist later helped me realize where mostly because my example of loving someone was being a doormat, you can relate to the one hundred percent. Yeah, this is not an attack on my mom. This is more a reflection of how women are supposed to act in the. The church I didn't understand how to have and keep boundaries for sure. Raise your hand. Wow to go through this everyone. Yeah, you're not allowed to have an opinion. Isn't that right as a woman in the Mormon Church? Slowly my relationship with my family improved. We mostly avoided talking about my gain, as and my dad wouldn't acknowledge my relationships by age twenty, four, I had officially taken refuge, which is an initiation to become a Buddhist interesting. I had not attended church since I was a teenager, but the missionaries found me every time I moved. You GotTa Take Your name off the records. I'm Mormon missionary seriously one day I had had enough. I was visiting my parents and I. brought it up I said. How do you think they keep getting my address? And my dad said well I gave it to them. I'M GONNA go do laundry. I said look I know where the church is. If I want to return, but it is not okay for the missionaries to keep following me right well. Those are some good boundaries. Has It's great. My family said I had to talk to the Bishop and I refused. Why would call have to talk the bishop evidently because coal needed to get back on the straight and narrow right, the ship was GonNa fix the whole situation they do. Yeah, they do yeah anyway. Cole says this was the first time in my life. I actively looked at anti. Mormon propaganda. Get It I. FOUND QUIP MORMON DOT COM and sent in my letter. One website led to another I began reading books about the true history of the church, and I was furious here I thought I was out of the church, but all these emotions came up and I realized that I was saddled with guilt for things. I didn't actually believe in every time I walked into my parents house I bad that I was not who they wanted me to be. I thought it was a unique free thinker, but it hit me that I had been brainwashed. It's hard when that realization finally hits. Oh right now. We're GONNA. Do Yeah, I'm watch fuck. Do I do about it. It's crazy sending in. That letter was one the best things I've ever done for myself. Because once I moved through the anger felt free. That's awesome. Nice my relationship with my family improved because I let go of the guilt I realized that it's their problem if they're upset with. With Me Yeah. I was less resentful towards them. Because I realized they were brainwashed to, and they were just trying to do the best with what they know. Yeah. I was able to stand up to my mother when she said to me one day that it was my fault, she had to start seeing a therapist again because my coming out ruined thanksgiving. I say where that is a badge of honor. Thanksgiving I ruined moms Thanksgiving now she's in therapy. If! That's not a t shirt. I don't know what is I, said. It's not my fault. I'm happy with WHO I am and my choices. If you have a problem with it, that's your problem to deal with WOW, go coal! The next big change in my life came when the person I'd been dating on and off for about ten years came out as transgender we had been a lesbian couple and finding the lesbian community had been A. A wonderfully positive part of my life and identified as a proud butch feminist lesbian about a year into his transition. We broke up I thought it was because I couldn't be with a man, but I later realized it was because once he transitioned, he started expecting me to be more feminine and I couldn't do it. Interesting I tried and more than once had a panic attack while wearing address feeling like I was going to literally suffocate if I. I didn't take it off I. Feel that yeah! Once we split up, I slowly started to realize that I might be trans. It was a somewhat long and difficult process. After all I was a feminist. I knew that a woman could be anything. She wanted Shirley I was just a butch lesbian? However, talking to my lesbian friends realize that even my most masculine lesbian friends still loved being a woman and loved their body. I didn't I felt odd place. Place decided to sit down with anyone I knew who is trans and ask them. Their story I very quickly realized that this was also my story. At thirty, two, I was single and started taking DASTA thrown nine months after starting, I was lucky enough to have chest reconstruction surgery. This was the best decision I've ever made. I went from feeling so depressed that I didn't leave my room except to go to work to feeling free, confident and happy. That's great I love that that is an option people Cole says when it came time for me to come out again to my family, I sent them along. Email is seemed a little easier than the first time it took a while, but within two years my mother and sisters were using the right Pronoun- most of the time. My father was a different story. For years, he made no effort. I finally sent him an email letting them know that I needed to see him. Make an effort to acknowledge the fact that I am legally male, and that until I get a response will no longer visit my parents house. That's. Brave that's awesome. It took two weeks, but he did respond and from that point forward. He made some very slow changes I'm amazed and happy that I did get closer with my father before he died a few weeks before he passed away, he sent me a very loving email. In Twenty fifteen I was working at a hair masters, and a young person walked. Walked in for haircut I couldn't tell if they were a young lesbian teenage boy or Trans Man. When they walked up to the counter I, asked their name, and they said Cole I said me, too. This was the first time I had ever met someone else. Named Cole I had to enter a gender in the computer before I could start the service. How dumb is that I? Know is it because they charge different prices for haircuts yet, which is weird, because women don't always have longer hair than men highs there, it should be the length of the hair. Not The not what's between your legs couldn't agree more with that so weird I had to enter gender and the computer before I could start the service and I didn't want to embarrass them if I was wrong, so I turned to the computer screen toward them and pointed to where. where it said male and female, he pointed to mail, and I cut his hair I felt a very strong and confusing connection to call a few days later I found out, we had a mutual friend and asked the friend bring him to a party. My friends were having. We hit it off and talked all night I found out. He was a trans man, and he found out I was one as well. What are the chances that two trans men with the same name randomly meet? That's awesome. We've fell head over heels for each other, and started officially dating after about a month. Coal and I have been together for almost five years now. We got married in August wrong. So, that's amazing. After my father passed. My mother was alone in her house in May Colon I bought a new house with my mother I. Feel like it went from being the black sheep of the family to the strong foundation that holds our family together. Wow, yeah, my sisters and mother are still T. B. M.'s. We family night every Sunday night I love them, but I don't love that. Most of the conversations on Sunday are about Church mads sports, GONNA be. That's their life. One thing that makes me sad is that both of my sisters have hardly dated and are in their late thirties and forties I. Really think that the Mormon culture has not prepared them for meeting and interacting with people in a way that could create a relationship right so true. They passed the Mormon. Marrying age is bullshit by now. That's not a thing, no in real life right, and now they are both married to their job, which could be fine if that's what they wanted, but I think they both want kids and a husband. Most of my extended family are still T.. B. M. But I've had some amazing support from cousins, aunts and uncles that attended our wedding and love call. Some of my cousins escaped the church. Good for them I've almost completed a psychology degree online, and I am fascinated by cults and brainwashing. I'm still a Buddhist, but I'm also an atheist. I can love my Mormon family, but I'm definitely triggered by Mormonism and refuse to have any part in it, however small. Even when my father passed I told my family that I would attend the burial, but I would not attend the service at Church. I hope that more of my family will eventually see the church for what it is I. Listen to your podcast on the way to and from work. Shelley stories over childhood feel very familiar to me. Thank you so much for the work. You both do I hope I can meet you both someday someday you will call there you go, and Cole Coal and I WanNa, see picture. Colin not cool and there's coal. I know and maybe they have similar haircuts. Who knows you know 'cause? Co. Cut Cole's hair. So, who cuts Cole's hair? Now hopefully, hold us. Even, when? We could go on and on with his people, but we're not going to. Yeah. We're going to save you. Thank you Cole so much for writing. Yeah, awesome, thank you! Yeah as a reminder. If you would like to write us a letter, please visit latter day, lesbian dot org slash contact. Okay, thank you. We're GONNA. Take a quick break when we come back. We're going to get into some drones in channel member here number paper. Be Right back. We're back. As a reminder, it's still the month of July and the podcast award. Submission is still open. Vote for us. Vote for us, please. That would be so fantastic. Just visit our website, our homepage, latter-day lesbian dot org girl down just a Scottish and There's instructions on how to enter us in two categories, lgbtq and the People's choice. We are the People's choice. We are the People's choice. These people live appreciate you. Speaking of appreciating people. Patron I'm thinking. We should do alcohol last name so really. Yeah. I think I'm onto that Oh. We needed a lot of alcohol last night through our even. Say That and sometimes you're like man I just WanNa drink, and then you just like have one beer I didn't really drink. Hired yeah I mean I think I had a glass half, so it wasn't like we're binging. We weren't like got bender going. Let's finish it tonight. Oh okay we can do that. All right pay trends number one heather s SMIRNOFF. Oh, good one saucy! GET ALL SAUCY! I thought we were doing like brands. You're not doing brands. We can heather SMIRNOFF. Okay next is Aaron a R. I N Aaron. H Aaron H stands four. Hor Nita's son. Key Liberties. I think it might pay think you write if I'm wrong. Okay! All right next is Keri, are the ours stands for red bull nuts, not A. Only when you mix it with? Dr Stans sure Ri- ri- what. Right whiskey ours for Rye whiskey. Thank. You Carry Rye whiskey. Thank you so much next. We have three channels members number one Natalie B B. B. Barrel Bourbon, barrel Stout Natalie Bourbon Barrels. Doubt Name you next Maria. M stands for Moon John. You're welcome Maria, the best America has to offer. Because Marie is not American. Story? Didn't appreciate that sure. Merka and finally Kaley t for Tito's there. You Go, Titas or Tequila. We could just go a whole category palliative. duckie to. Snack Foods John Hoods. Get it up. Junk foods like almonds. can okay. does that. Wrap it all up it does. It sounds like it's raining. Outside mining lose power. Have to go to a hotel. My Gosh, we will not repeat last night's hotel. They got better when we got to the hotel through, but I was just GonNa say if you'd like to join us on patriotic, please visit, patient, Dot com slash latter day, lesbian and Marco Polo Channels Oh. We do have a little announcement about that. Why are now offering ad free podcasts to our channels members? What ad! Free Bud guys, yeah, yeah, and that is also one of our tears on Patriot, but it didn't occur to us. Me Specifically I, guess that we could also offer it on Marco Polo channels. Yeah, we. It's kind of a different uploading process and sorry Blah Blah technical. Stuff is where you start snoring, but I was able to do it. Iraq dea got that figured out so to platforms to support us on to get more ldl in your life. Yeah ends in freebies so there you go. We really appreciate your support anyway when like to join us either of those places we really really appreciate it. As would Dan from extension audience, thanking him. Right now, thank you, Dan Dan. Leave it in sometimes, take it out. We really appreciate. You can't think that's going to wrap it up to just gotta say steered clear, those damn called, since they are no food jill. Okay talked y'all later by.