How to Serve the World
Thanks to Buffy supporting donkey predate upper twenty dollars off your Buffy comforter. Visit Buffy dot CO and enter promo code dream job. Hey, guys. It's Cathy Heller. Welcome back to another episode of don't keep your day job. I hope you guys are having a great week. I just got this. Beautiful message, my friend. I'm only McDowell. And I just loved it so much. She texted me, a quote, it says life is so subtle sometimes that you barely notice yourself walking through the doors you once prayed would open, and she's right there so many times in our life where we get to the goal. We arrive at this beautiful precious place that we looked toward and work toward for so long, and instead of arriving and taking a deep breath and taking it in we move the goalpost, and we don't even notice and realize that we are walking on precious sacred ground that we have longed for this moment that it took tremendous courage to get to this place. And so for. All of you. I want you to once in a while pullover to the side of your life and look at where you are and take it in and don't let it be lost on you, the courage that it took for you to keep going view to be where you are free to put yourself out there for you to journey forward through everything you've been through and for myself. I recognize how I did two events back to back last week in the week before and they were fantastic, and I learned so much, and I met so many incredible souls and was already onto the next thing planning the next thing thinking about how I can serve what I can do and while that hunger, and that unrelenting need and thirst to serve has served me. Well, I also would be remiss if I didn't stop and take in what I'm Elise sent me and realize that I was once and still am in many ways. This fourteen year old lanky kid with braces and bangs who didn't feel comfortable in her own skin. And it's amazing truly to think about how I like pulled myself up like with like a chin bar, right? Like where you're using all your strength to just get your chin above that bar and for all of us. Let it not be lost on us what we have done, and where we have arrived, it's incredibly inspiring. And I know that because I've met so many of you at the event, and I get to hear from you over Email, and I just think your extraordinary, and I think we all could use that lesson. So thank you, Emily for that. So today, I wanna share with you a clip from one of the talks I gave in the last couple of weeks. I thought that this would really resonate with you. And I will continue over the next several weeks to be playing for you pieces of the dream Topi event. But here is a clip of a. Recent top. I gave check it out. So it's really easy to find a lot of excuses. There are so many things that have happened in this room. If I had each one of you, take this microphone and share your story. There would be so much. Good reason why there's a point in your story where you would get in bed. Pull the covers over your face. And no one would blame you is it true. But you're here. Good for you. So the thing is you guys that you're here because there's a part of you. There's a voice there's a whisper that's been telling you this pain. This story has to be told and it does because every one of you has a different story to tell your DNA is completely unique. So why do we need different DNA? There's no evolutionary need accept that. Everybody has a different imprint and it's needed. So when you say, I have something to say, and I'm going to compare it to fifteen other people. It's a mistake. So now, what do we do with that? Well. It takes a tremendous amount of belief in yourself. And the first thing that comes as not confidence is just courage. Confidence comes way later. The first thing is just so much courage. So when I look at my journey when I look at myself, and I look at other people who are successful. I don't see the most talented since ational. Although sometimes there's tremendous talent. But the thing that smacks me in the face is this courage to be so vulnerable so exposed and scared and doing things anyway. So I wanna give you guys so much credit because I know what it feels like to do all of these things to be working towards something you want so badly because as kids we usually make big packed with ourselves that goes something like this you try out for the play and you want it really bad, and you wait for call Bax and your names on the list. And then you go to call backs, and you want it so bad and two days later, you look at the cast list and your name is not on it. And it hurts so bad, and you prepared for six months, and you envision what would happen when you got up there, and you sang that role and the guy you had a crush on Cy you, do it, and you had a whole scenario in your head about how proud your parents were going to be and maybe they'd even get back together because they've come to the play and they'd see you. And then you'd all go to TJ. Friday's and you'd have you'd have mozzarella sticks and they decided to get back together. Because you were just so good in that play. And everyone's feeling so good except you don't get in the play, and you go home, and no one knows this. But while everyone else is barely surviving high school because everyone's got acne and a bad haircut. And it's too skinny and doesn't know what an how to put on the right clothes and is trying to say the right things. And it's always a frayed. They're going to be caught because they're out there. Cool table in the lunchroom and their freight at any second people are going to realize you're not the cool one. And you've got all that to deal with on top of the fact that you go home, and your mom suicidal, and you can barely breathe in that house because the tension is so heavy and your dad walked out for years ago. And you're going to school every day, you're putting on your Z cavalry. She's and really you're like I'm there. Early holding on. And so that play is going to be your salvation. And then you don't get in the play and you say to yourself. This hurt so bad. So I know what I'm gonna do. I won't want this. Because it's gonna hurt. So I'll tell myself, I don't want this. And I don't want anything. This is what happens to people, and then they're forty four years old and they're sitting at some desk and some computer lab. And they go home, and they're like, I think I'm having a midlife crisis and this happens to like most of the population because they stopped dreaming because they didn't want to hurt. But you guys are dreaming. Give yourself out of laws for that. You guys are continuing to jury. Even though, you know, the odds and you say so what right. So what do we do with it? Well, then we have to start to think. How am I going to turn this into a business? What are the things that? I'm going to have to do that are actually going to help me stand out. And the good news is you're not feeding something into a machine. You get to work with humans. And you know, what humans name this? What's the number one human need? Do you think connection belonging purpose to feel important? Yeah. We live in a time. We have an empathy deficit. And in societies and cultures and groups and tribes and families where people aspire to make the other person feel seen. Things just work. So well when you can speak from the heart. And speak to someone else. Not speak out someone in pitcher resume and try to prove yourself. None of that's impressive, right? But when you can stand in front of another human being, and you have that way of connecting to them everything opens up from there. So I think that the people who get to where they want to be. I think it's a combination of empathy and endurance, and those are two things that everybody has in spades. We have that we can, cultivate that right? You've been preparing for this moment all of your life. So I want you to congratulate yourself for being here I want. You to congratulate yourself for all of the moments when you really felt like you couldn't keep believing in the stream or wanting this thing or going forward, and he did it anyway because that takes so much courage. Because when we want for things that is the most vulnerable state. Do you know that? And here's what's interesting. They've done FM arise on people's brains. When they put them in different situations, and they have found that the thing that lights up the brain more than anything else. It's not love or compassion. It's enthusiasm. They know where we wanna be. We wanna be enthusiastic. That's the state. We want to be in that gets our heart pumping. You know, that feeling when you like a watching movie or you're talking to somebody or you read a book, and you're like that that thing, and then you're talking to someone else and you're like so excited about this thing in your life. Have you been to this restaurant? And you're like, why am I going right? It's because you're busy asterik. That's the state of mind and feeling that you're nervous system is craving every day. But that takes owner ability. You know, why? Because the second thing that's gonna come right after that. Accountability. And everyone walks straight out the door. So what people do is they get. It's like when you're in the rainstorm, and it's pitch black. And then there's a lightning bolt, and you can see five feet ahead of you. And then it's black again. So people keep waiting for the next lightning bolt. But then it comes. They don't do anything. Now. What do you think is the number one reason why people don't go into that thing that they're that's calling to them? Whether it's dance or pottery making or writing or songwriting fear. What were you gonna say fear of failure? You get it. Who's teaching this accession? Let's go what it is. Is this feeling of inadequacy but what we do to ourselves as we say to ourselves if I'm going to get called out to shoot, and I'm gonna I'm gonna miss the basket that's going to be so awful. So what I'm gonna do is sit on the bench forever. Because then how many times will? I miss never. And you missed the whole game. So when I asked you before what did you come here to here? I think that we are all looking to arrive home all the time. I wanna feel home wanna feel like we arrived where we're supposed to be. Yeah. I think when I asked you before what do you think is the number one human need, you all kind of said it, and this it's a different way of saying the same thing. But what I say is I think the number one thing everyone wants is to feel seen. But here's something I only learned recently. I was doing this meditation. And I heard the teacher say the thing everyone wants. Is to be known to themselves. The thing you're looking for. He said is you? So I think the reason we want other people to see us because we want to see us. I think the question we're trying to answer for ourselves all day every day is who am I? What am I supposed to do? I think we know the answer. I think that all of that fear and feelings of inadequacy keep us from that answer. And I think that there's you ever heard these brushing like in the flow, go with the flow. I think in the flow means when you listen to what it is that you feeling call to do and you step into that flow. The current is literally like created for you. I think before your souls even putting the universe, and you can then go with the flow. And so people ask me all the time. How can I be authentic and make money from it? I wonder why those things are mutually exclusive because to me if you're authentic the money's coming right to you. Because money is energy. We made money up. Money's a story. We just wanted to have something that represented. Value. That's all it is. It's a story that represents value. So when value comes in it's an exchange for value. Do you get it? Now did that change your life? So if you make something, and it's got value in it. You get paid the extent to how much value that thing delivers it. And the trick of it all is letting go of all of that self critical all of the forcing right at the same time. We talked so much this morning about empathy, right? So I just interviewed last week this week. Amanda Palmer, how many of you know, who Manta Palmer is. Yes. Yes. Amanda Palmer has the most successful. Patriotic, do you know the story? She was signed to a label Dresden dolls is her band. You heard of it, you know, her. Anyway, she got dropped from a label. She did her own thing. She created a community. That's like a drive of like worriers with pitchfork. They love her so much. She created a big community like that. And then she decided to ask her people. Like, hey, do you want to help me fund my record cut to she's making lots and lots of money and lots and lots of music. So why am I bring her up because we just had a conversation, and I can't think of someone who's as authentic as her that. I personally know like she said to me, you know, what makes my music something. I'm so proud of. I said what is it tell me? And she said after every show I sit. And go to the merge table myself. And I said, oh my God. You are amazing. That is amazing because that's exhausting. And nobody really does that. She does that she goes. And then every person who comes up to me tells me the story of their life and tells me how this song got them out of bed when they were going through suicidal thoughts and this song saved their life when their mother had cancer. And this is the reason that they quit they're stupid day job. And this is this and she says, and then you know, what I do. I take all of those stories with me when I sit at the piano, and I write a song, and I have chills right now. So I said to her that's really really a great way to share. What an artist does. And she said I bring all of those people with me. And then I said later in the conversation. So tell us Amanda, how do we have a successful Kickstarter? How do we have a successful patriot? And she said, let's go back to listening to the people. And then let's think about how everything we're going to make and build an offer is going to be do recklessly an answer to their needs and their pain. That is it. Do you hear me? So for me, I have to tell you. I thought once my music started getting license. I was like unfor- sure gonna get a record deal again because these songs are so much better. Because I went in with a purpose. I went in with a story to tell. We have so many multi-dimensional to us. I don't know about you. But in the course of a week, you know, in the course of a day, I'll feel like eighteen things. I'll be like I'm on top of the world right now. Oh my God. I hate this person right now. Oh my God. I'm moving out of LA. Wait, I'm moving to a different house in LA. Wait a minute. How do I have three kids? I'm not capable of any like I'm my husband can attest. Right. I'm all of these things. And we all are we have thought every one to one and a half seconds to know that we've sixty to seventy thousand today. So I find it fascinating that as artists there is this there's myth that if you're writing art, it should only be about one thing. Which is this time you broke up with someone. Because there's so much more going on. And when I had Angela Duckworth on my podcast. She wrote a book called grit, and she's very she has a very famous Ted talk. She said nothing that's genius in this world was ever discovered. Nothing. Not a single thing. It was always a development it's developed so things are developed. And so what happens is like Ed Sheeran said his first like fifty songs, he would never let anyone even look. Right. You have to push through this sludgy, Kurt like tough weird stuff. Get it out. And then all the other stuff flows out. Do you know what I'm talking about? But here's what people do because we're so awesome. We write that I song and that's second and third and fourteen song. And we just started fourteen songs go, and then Clive Davis does not call and we go I'm done, screw it and we walk away. And then for years we say to. People that business is screwed up. Or we say this to people. It's just ridiculous. It was never in the cards for me or oh there was a time. It was awful. I tried. And then it just wasn't going to work. I don't even know what they're talking about. Because there's no data. I have no data for whether it works or doesn't work when I interviewed, Jennifer. She said that she moved out here from Saint Louis, and she said to herself I'm gonna give myself six months, and if it doesn't happen going to move back, but it's going to happen in six months. And six months later, she was still temping and had gone through any savings that she had and she was like shoot. What will I do now? And she said, I think I'm going to give up the story of the six months, and she decided she was just going to do something different which was do it until it happened. And that's when everything changed. And. That's the story that we get to right. So now, here's the thing as you're on this journey. She said this is fascinating. Her husband Lee came out here with the same dream to be an actor. And after many years it wasn't happening. Just wasn't happening. So he did something different. He pulled the Cathy Heller card, which was somebody keeps asking me to write an indie movie, and I keep saying no because I'm an actor. So he decided to say, yes. The next time. Someone asks them to write people kept saying you're just such a good writer. He's such a natural suit writers write a movie to try to move into. So he wrote a movie it worked out. He got a lot of feedback that he was good at that. So he did another one another one who became a famous indie movie director filmmaker very happy person. She became a successful. Actress member we talked about it. Everyone has a different frequency. I'm really talked about how everyone was put here to do something that only you can do. Sometimes we need the universe to show us that. And if we let go of what we think it has to look like, and you hold onto the thing that you really are chasing, which is meaning purpose importance and being in alignment with yourself. It doesn't matter than what the package of it is right. It matters. You're doing the thing that you do that. When you do it, it affects people, and you then feel that satisfaction that you only get from that kind of contribution. Right. So this is a journey and some of you are gonna come through this program or these two days, and you're gonna leave and you're going to be like, I'm more inspired to put in the work on my songwriting. And I know that that's what I wanna do. And some of you are going to go through periods of your life and time, and you're gonna go, you know, what I really wanna produce. Who knows? Maybe it'll come here. You'll just meet your spouse, you meet someone who you're meant to be meeting. You don't know. But for whatever reason you're here, and I don't just hope, but I know that when you leave here the thing, you will be sure of is that permission. To keep doing the thing. You feel called to do. And you're gonna put it on yourself. No excuses. It is so liberating not to have that story. I can't do it. Because my dad never loved me. I can't do it because I didn't have the connections. I can't do it. Because I didn't have the time. I want to remind you that what you have inside of you what you have in spades. The resource you need more than any of that garbage is your Eunice your compassion. Your empathy your enthusiasm, and if you can turn the dial up on that every single day, and you can proactively figure out what's going to push your buttons that you feel that way every single day. You're gonna fricken crash it you're gonna be so successful. I don't know. Even what the story will look like, I didn't know I'd have a podcast. I don't know. What's happening with me? What is happening? So I wanna know what's happening. But I know every day I say to myself at the end of the day. I was me. Your story. Your color your frequency your message. It's needed. That's what I'm welcoming you to. It really is so true that the most important question to ask ourself. Every everyday is how can I serve and when we think of things from that perspective where no longer nervous because we put the emphasis on thinking about how we can show up for someone else how we can contribute. How it can make something beautiful how we can make the world more hole with our work with our voice, and truly truly what we all do seek is. Meaning and purpose happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes. But meaning meaning is what we all truly seek. We want to feel seen and we want to help other people feel seen, and you guys have all of the most incredible resources inside of you so much is just sitting there, and I cannot wait to see what you will uncover an unearth as you continue to walk forward. I also wanted to share with you something that happened this week. I went to Starbucks and then. When I came back to my studio and recorded an interview with the one and only Howard Schultz Howard Schultz for those of you who don't know Howard created the Starbucks that we all know in love is an incredible person. And before the interview, I was just struck with terror. You know, who am I to do this? He's so brilliant. He's a billionaire. He started from nothing. He has so, much empathy. He's running for president of the United States, and I sat and let myself cry because I felt like I was in a scene in the movie rocky where he's now playing against the next level competitor. And I allowed myself to feel those feelings and prayed to God and thought and sat for a moment in all of it. And I realized that we all have this. Enter battle inside of us between our soul and our ego. Our soul knows our capacity is enormous and our egos. Second guesses and makes us think or smaller than we are. We were born for greatness, each one of us with our own unique way to contribute to the world. No one path better than the next. And it was incredible. I got to my studio and spoke to Howard it was surreal. Awesome. Terrifying. So inspiring he is such a kind gentle soul. So wise, we talked about humility marriage, purpose, and empathy and truly we were just two people. Talking about life's biggest questions I cannot wait to share this episode with you it comes out on Monday. So if you're not ready to subscribe, you should be subscribed. And stay tuned. I just really can't believe it you guys. I started this podcast two years ago sitting in my closet on the floor who would have thought where it has led. Not just all these brilliant guests, but to all of you and. And if you only knew the beginning of the story before two years ago when I started this show, but in second grade when I was in speech therapy because I could barely speak. And my teacher said, I don't understand her reading comprehension tests are great. But when she reads aloud we can't understand her, and they realized that I could read okay, but I couldn't talk, and we can get into more of the details of maybe why that was the case. But if you knew where I came from and for all of us, if we understand that the greatest gift, we give another person is our presence is to see them and the only way to do that is to see ourself and know that we're enough and know that we have the most precious thing that this world needs the most sacred thing, which is our ability to make space and room for others, and to speak our truth and express what we know is a gift, which is our perspective and to share it in the ways. That we can by having the courage to start off making mediocre things. Just sharing our work just getting it out. And what unfolds from there is absolute magic. And I hope that my story. Just like everyone else we've had on this show is yet another inspire you that you have so much that the world needs. And I implore you to get busy sharing it. So before we keep going. Let's give a shout out to one of our sponsors Buffy makes comforters that are better for you. And the earth using skin friendly eucalyptus fabric and fluffy film made from one hundred percent recycled water bottles. How cool is that? I've been using my Buffy comforter, let me just tell you. This is definitely the best company. I've ever had. It's lightweight. It's incredibly soft, and it's super breathable. So no matter what the weather is I can sleep at just the right temperature buff. He's mission is to make the best soft goods using sustainable materials and innovative design without animal. Cruelty or harmful waste their comforters are made from plant based fabric, and they're ultra breathable to keep you at a comfortable temperature all year round. And the outside shell is a hundred percent eucalyptus, fiber, which is softer than cotton. And naturally soothe your skin and the inside is made from one hundred percent recycled BPA, free water bottles that are transformed and given a second life as a soft, fluffy fiber. And if you just want to try it out they offer a complimentary trials, you can try a comforter in your own home for thirty days. If you don't love it return it for free for twenty dollars off your comforter, visit Buffy dot CO and enter promo code dream job. That's Buffy dot CO and co dream job for twenty dollars off. Okay. Now, let's celebrate your wins. So Emma posted this in our Facebook group, don't keep your day job found me before the new year, and I've been listening ever since I most inspired by the folks who take it. Slowly, the biggest takeaways have been getting messy and putting out my gift, my mom, and I text each other with our winds during the week. And this is the first time I'm sharing with the group. Amanda Palmer's interview got it into my brain to start where my community is. So on Friday, I released a song had been sitting on for four years to my students and their families with the song finally. Outta my being could live its own life. I got to share my love and gift with one hundred people and that was a new step for me. I'm writing here because I want you to have the song too because you take steps everyday to be your best self and that needs to be celebrated Emma. I'm so proud of you for taking action and putting your song out in the world, we need it. And I love that you and your mom or texting and sharing your wins with each other every week because it's so important to take that moment to pause stop racing and acknowledge what we've already achieved so guys go take a listen to her song at music with miss, Emma dot live slash good. Dash night, keep going, Emma. I can't wait to hear what other beautiful music is going to come out of you. Okay. Another win Abby wrote in our Facebook group and said this week, I took the leap and photographed a wedding. I was terrified. But I loved every second. Once I got going. I still have my day job. But I'm having a lot of fun expanding. My skill set and getting out of my comfort zone, Abby. That's amazing. I'm so proud of you for dancing with the fear and going outside of your comfort. Tone and letting yourself experience that thrill of doing what you love. I have no doubt that this is just the beginning. So keep going keep putting yourself out there. And so many doors are going to open for you Abby posted some of the beautiful photo, she took from the wedding shoot. So you can definitely check that out. If you come to the don't keep your database Facebook group, and you can see them for yourself. Okay. Last win is from Claire she wrote him starting my week with my positive pantheon, regardless of the storm that awaits I had a weekend of I don't have a whole day or even half a day. But what can I do in a full committed? Our it seems I can discover the name of my podcast is I know logo and contact old friend who arranged the artwork when chaos surrounds you in the storm whips at your feet trying to destroy you. Take a moment to stop breathe and remember your roots? Run deep in life's chaos amidst anxiety panic attacks and all the wonders that mental health struggles bring I stop I pray. I meditate and remind myself, I have the strength to weather. The storm to anyone who's reading feeling overwhelmed feeling uncertain. Feeling their creative path has passed you by you are wrong. Just take a moment. Just be still ask yourself. What steps could you take to get started? Despite everything what could you do differently to get the ball rolling? So she posted a quote from Anne, Frank. That says how wonderful is it that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world Claire every single word of what you said is so vulnerable so needed so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. And it's so true. You have everything you need right now, you have the strength within you to crawl through all of that darkness that goes on. And you have the ability to do so much more than you, even realize Claire was actually in my podcast course. So I've talked with her depth before. And I know she's been dealing with so many difficult things, but she is an incredible survivor and incredible fighter. She always keeps her head up. No matter what the situation and clear, I wish more people could have your attitude and your resilience, it is so inspiring. I encourage you to keep piling up. Those bill. Adding blocks for your podcast, even if you only do have an hour or even a few minutes because I know the world needs your voice Claire. If you guys have a win you'd like to share on these Thursday episodes, you can DM me on Instagram at Kathy dot Heller or post it in the don't keep your day job Facebook group, please make sure that you subscribe to our show wherever you listen on Upul podcasts or anywhere else. And don't forget to leave us a review Monday's episode is going to be epic. So definitely make sure that you come back and stay tuned. It does mean the world if you share the show with a friend and leave us a review, maybe there's someone in your life. Who is looking for that next level who has so much inside of them that they are just needing some reassurance. And some tools, please share the show with them. Also, I wanted to let you know, I'm doing something. I've never done before. And I'm so excited I closed my eyes the last few days after this event and said, Cathy, what do you want to do? What's fun? What would be incredible? What would be something? You would look forward to creating. I'd like to start off just doing this for women. I think it would be really special to have just twelve incredible powerful off. Some women at my home for two full days. How do you like the sound of that? So there's going to be an application process. There's details in terms of the time the date the cost if this is something that you would like to apply for go to the show notes. There's a link you guys can find the info. But since there's only space for twelve people, and I've already gotten a ton of interest because I just posted on Instagram. Hey is anyone interested in this and already within like four minutes? People said me me me me me. So this is something that you wanna do. I would definitely encourage you to go ahead because we're only gonna give about a week and a half for you to apply, and I know that all the spaces will be taken up ASAP. So if it's something that you love to do to spend two days with me in my home leveling up doing some deep transformational work with me, helping you get to the root of what you have to share and really, overcoming whatever. Limiting beliefs are in the way, this is going to be a beautiful two days. And I cannot wait to shower you with love. Surround you with incredible energy and help you break through. I'm so excited. If you want more details go to the show notes, and you can find a link to more formation about that. Or you can DM me on Instagram or you can post on our Facebook group, and we will be happy one way or another to get you the application and to give you the details. I'm gonna leave you with a song of mine. I cannot wait to talk to you on Monday. Howard Schultz will be here you will hear how he built Starbucks from growing up in a tiny little apartment in Brooklyn to becoming a billionaire. I cannot wait to share that story with you. I will talk to on Monday happened amazing weekend. Some. My cage. Came fighting. Nothing. Nobody lives forever. Every. This is. This.