Episode 111: Soaking Up Energy with Beth Newell
Hello and welcome to over thirty five podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer. I'm Doria free and we are not expert but we are two friends. He liked to talk about about serums. Welcome to the latest episode of our show. Are you deliberately talking like that kind of am? Okay I'm actually trying to calm myself down because I'm feeling a little bit hyper okay. So that's what I'm talking in this boy. Okay it's a little weird though right. It is an unsettling a little bit. You don't want to hear it for an hour I need and thank you Welcome if you have never been here. Thanks for thanks for common. Yeah thanks for joining us. We're GONNA be talking about all sorts of things but we do talk about products and we will be mentioning. Any we mentioned on our show is on our website for over thirty five PODCAST DOT com. We also have merchant our merchants gone through a little refresh. 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You can leave us a review on apple podcast. We love when you tell a friend we love when you mention US and social media we appreciate it all and you can follow us on social media an instrument for thirty five podcast and on twitter at forever thirty-five Hod. Sorry I'm so hyper. Today is quite all right. I had a cup of DECAF tea. Oh boy but I did have a lot of coffee this morning. Sagana exercised at seven little bit. Okay I've been up for hours already so like you know that you when you have that kind of like a week adrenaline. Yes do you. Tend to crash after that re o'clock or after we're done working today. I'm going to be kind of in the fetal position on the couch because yesterday I woke up at four thirty and by like one I was like I need to sleep and I couldn't. I ended up taking a nap at six thirty at night. Yes Oh no a late hour because I just I could not function matt myself to record our podcast and I was like I need to take a nap. How was it waking up from that nap because I find when you nap and then it gets dark and then you have to wake up and your body's like sleep is nearer? Yeah it's a real rate and I'll tell you Matt Did Not think that I would actually wake up. He was like I guess. We'll just record the podcast on Monday and I know wow. We're recording it. Look at your commitment to making a podcast so I mean it s me you are very committed. I am committed. Yeah ooh I'm sorry. Just the thought of sit like going down for a nap at six thirty at night. Yeah you do what you gotTa do. But it was definitely not ideal. You GotTa do what you gotTa do. Exactly how's it going? Well here's a question for you. Yes do you think my skin looks good right now. Yeah I do. Do you think looks like better than normal or the same not to put you on the spot judge my skin but do I have glow you but I think you always have a glow. I recently Tried a new product that we've mentioned listeners. Had written about and I like. Oh Yeah have to try that. I'll give it a go and then we'll try to things I did. I mask okay on Saturday night. Watching my new obsession love is blind same and that mask tightened and made me glow doesn't normally happen and I was like what was your mass. Okay hold on brought it here. It's five Yuna Divine. All seasons bio cellulose mass. Wow where did you purchase this? I didn't purchase it. My friend gave it to me so I didn't buy it okay and I was just like well. I'll give this a go. Sure why not and then it was like I looked in the mirror. It was also like nine o'clock at night and I was in pajamas watching. Tv On my phone. It seemed like a good mask like going out because my skin looked height Like just like in a good way. Yes but then Dorie I use this yesterday. This tart. Knockout tingling treat then which many listeners wrote into us about as a duke for P. Fifty. Oh yes and I was like mom it just gives us a go and then I woke up and my yesterday after I did it. My skin looked so rate and smooth that I was almost like am I. Am I playing mind games with myself and I used it again today. Which probably isn't the best idea. Because it's because it's chemical so oh whoops it's ten. It's ten percent acid complex a blend of salicylic and lactic acids. Oh Yeah and then I lathered my doctor al-Qaeda's oil on after so I'm just giving it like. I don't know when you use new skin care and you're like am I glowing or is this just my brain wanting my face to glory so wear. My Skin looks sneer. Scare does look really good of and I don't know if it's the stuff. Yeah I don't know anyway just. Fyi How often are you really supposed to use that? Well I normally only use like my Pixie Glow. Contact me as a chemical expedient once a week right right right the recommendation of Courtney Chissano yes facialists to the stars stars being us so I would imagine it's a once a week thing and I grabbed just because I was like taking around my little like been of skincare stuff. The other two products so a lot of people recommended this as a dupe for illogic. Reshare P fifteen. Which have you started using again? I have not. Are you over it. I'm not over okay. I just I feel like I've been giving my skin a little bit of a break from chemical experience. Not for any like real reason. I still occasionally use this. Totta Harper resurfacing serum But I do like that. Actually kind of reminds me of good genes. Oh interesting honest. But I haven't been using a ton of them and yeah I mean I. There was a time when I was using using the P fifty. Like almost every when we started this. Podcast you're an everyday P fifty user. Yeah and that. That quickly proved excessive. It was to exfoliating. Yes but I don't know maybe I'll go back to it I did. I did really swear by it. Yeah like you were a die. Hard advocate and. I did not find that it really did much. And then I purchase this other stuff by Yuna Which is another kind of exfoliating. It's vinegar smelling. I think actually does have vinegar in it but I didn't have. I didn't actually really see any results with that. And that's why after using this tar knockout tinkling treatment. Stuff and I said yeah after one use. It is a little sticky going on out. Doesn't have all the ingredients on this. Probably just on the box live to give it a googles. Yeah I I was Kinda like well. Hello Hello you okay. So it has a lot of ages. Yes that's why like I should probably only be using it once a week. Especially CONSIDERING AMERICA. You are slathering on sunscreen right yes. I SLAPPED HER ON CENSORING EVERY ACT. Because when you say you've got two sons anyway so that so. I didn't mean to put you on the spot of like look at my face and judge it but I was genuinely curious if I'm just imagining things if something's happening. I think you're looking great. I post a question on our shared documents. Yes and what's funny? Is that you answered in the shared. Yes so here's the question I posed. How do you take care of your skin and hair after really sweaty workouts? I am like talking getting drenched. I tend to just white myself down with wipes and get on my way but that feels like not enough question. Mark like a mini up with justice. Yeah that's true. Why not so kate. Yes as I wrote in our in our document. This was my whole conundrum when I used to work out all the time because I felt like I couldn't just give myself a quick wipe down and beyond my merry way. I was like way too sweaty. My hair looked way too sweaty and greasy and it was just like no. I had to shower like I always had to shower after my workout now when I stopped washing my hair every day I did start not always washing my hair after I worked out but I also feel like I'm not working out as intensely as I used to. But would you give it a rinse at least not use? Shampoo Times. I would do that sometimes. I would just use dry shampoo. But what do you do for the rest of your body? Just wipe it down with wipes? Yeah you can like give yourself a quick rinse. Just wash cloths other some. Do you have access to a shower. I do it's more just honestly I have gotten into this really nice rhythm of not showering that much which I feel like more than anything saves me time totally so what I will often do. If I'm at the gym and I don't WanNa wash my hair as I bring a shower cap to the gym and I just like I rinse off my body and that takes two minutes interesting and then you just dry shampoo your hair. Yeah Right. That's an interesting aspect. I think the Rinsing Office most important. Because I don't mind myself being sweaty for the rest of the day. It was more like last week. I exercised very intensely. And then I think you and I were meeting or I was meeting with another person. Who's going to be in close proximity to my body and I was like they don't need to smell like my scent of my sweat cooling against skills. I think it's just nice to like like rinse off that activity. Uh-huh that's all also probably a better point now. Yeah so just a quick rinse. You're saying. Quick rents wonder over. Think it then. Yeah I mean I feel like this was actually more of an issue when I was doing like more like boutique fitness classes where they might not have showers at the location and I had to be somewhere like not. I wasn't able to go home which was always an issue in New York. Oh yeah like the only places that had showers were like the big. Jim's yeah I would do like a very sweaty yoga class and then just be like well. Yeah I'm to meet people for drinks exactly okay. I'm so yeah okay thanks for the I just. It's just a new world for me to like be drenched from workouts. Yes and I'm really enjoying that aspect of it but it's like Oh have to wash myself a lot more. Yeah and how do I balance like not wanting to over shampoo my hair shower cap shower cap okay? You actually gave me one awhile. I did I big fan of shower caps. Do you have do you. Do you like okay so I have. I have a quote fancy shower cap called the shower cap multiple multiple. H is it was. I feel like it was something that was like advertise on instagram. A lot like a year or two ago and they come in like all these like cool fancy patterns are pretty. They're very pretty. They're like forty dollars. Cash TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST. I actually like the like five dollar one. I got at many so better than my forty dollars shower cap. I don't like that the shower caps don't have elastic in the front. I couldn't handle that. Don't love it I don't like I don't love how it fits on my head but I'm like why spend so much freaking money on the shower cap. I guess I'm just GONNA use it. I've only ever just like when I've been in a hotel room taken the shower cap and brought it home with me and then just use that for years. I love having like a real shower. Can I will say I. I do think it's a better experience and using one of the little like thin plastic ones. Okay I can. I can get out the one that I gave you. I have it. I know exactly. You should use it right pink okay. I'm on it. Thank you for your advice. You are so welcome. I to have a little conundrum go on. I would like to pose to you on this story and Kate. Talk to each other. Yes episode. I as you know. I love wearing an eye mask to sleep. An eye mask me. Oh like the thing that goes over. Your Eyes Okay. Yes yes a mask for your eyes for some reason. I thought you meant like like a skin-care yes no but I do feel like it makes me break out along. My hairline at my temples like where the elastic kind of hits my head. And I'm ninety nine percent sure that this is what is causing these these breakouts because when I stopped using the I'm ask for a few days. They like stop appearing to have one right now. Do I pick them? Okay just looking at your face trying to see it. But I don't see any kind of buried like in my hair okay. But they're kind of uncomfortable and I don't love it and also as we've discussed when I have I wanNA pick them. I don't WanNa like go down that road so I'm wondering if this is just how it is. What kind of mask are you wearing and wearing one? The someone who met us at the South by South West. I know that one they gave it to a gave it to us. And it's it's really nice and I wash ed like it's not it's not dirty but and I don't think it's because I've used other imus in the same thing happened right so it's just having. I think it's just that contact. Yeah is for some reason causing me to break out and I'm I think it I think it might just be. This is the way my my skin works. No I'm ask is going to be is going to really work now regards. I'm wondering what people if other people have had this issue and they have found something that works for them. I would love to hear what it is now. Are you willing to sacrifice and live the no? I'm asking life or do you. Is it really crucial to your sleep to have totally crucial like last night? I slept without an IM ask. I mean I will sleep. I've been sleeping without an MS for the last few days. Because I don't want to break out anymore but I'll go on and off like all I won't sleep with it for a few days and then everything will serve subside and then I'll go back and where it again for days after a few days on notice that zits coming back. Wow that's so fascinating I don't wear I'm ask consistently although I do really want to buy a fancy one The loonier brand. It's very substantial. Yeah which I feel like would make me break out. Even I feel like you need something that just has the little string. But that's also what you're wearing the actual string I think is what's causing the issue. Here's a question. I don't know enough about masks literally only just started using them for sleeping last year. Do they make like Tinier ones? Well what I do think they make. They make ones without the band. But just sort of like mold to your face thinking of and this is going to beat me and also reference a horrible choice I made in my past. I'm thinking of tanning goggles. Yeah something that totally. Which if you didn't grow up going tanning beds in the late nineties. I will tell you used to get a little tiny para goggles that you put over your eyes and then you'd stand tanning bed and it was not a good choice that I am proud. It's on a choice. I'm proud of but I did occasionally do it. Story scrolling on her phone. I'm as far. They all look big. They all look quite big. There's a two hundred sixty five dollars Saatchi home. I'm the one for you. Two hundred sixty five dollars. That's so the only thing that I'm wondering is what if I did something where it's like the the the strap is almost thicker like. I wonder if that would help. Maybe it's the rubbing drug I think it's the rubbing of the strap and I wonder if because the strap is so small and narrow that it like rubs more and so I wonder if a thicker strap would actually be better because like the the the friction would be like more distributed. Yeah I'm wondering what's causing is at the is it the contact and the friction or is it just having your skin covered for nine or eight or seven or four hours a night but then when you think I would be breaking out all my face. Yeah so I'm not I'm not breaking out on my face where the actual mask is. I'm only breaking out at the point of contact. Seems like a real history. We need the skin care active. Imagine if we wrote a cozy mystery about solving what's causing your is it the I don't know the answer to that because it's so confusing to me what causes breakout again. Correlation might not be causation. Your favorite Mike to say to say I believe I have isolated the issue like I believe it is an eye mask shoot but maybe it isn't. Maybe it's something else that I'm not even thinking of that. Just coincidentally coincides with when I wear an eye mask had a good answer for you. Real mystery by a bunch you could buy. I like two or three two I did. I have a couple that I have rotated because I have the same thought Kate. That is exactly what a detective do for Detective. Dory and the mask escapade. I wonder I mean my advice. Also have you changed products recently? No you're still just squally bio-sensing up So it's not it's not I don't even I don't put moisturizer in my hair like I don't see a hairline. I think it's it's a hairline big and I think the only thing is my I ask. We'll say hairlines. It's are so fun to pick out. They are extra satisfy them. Yeah I know which I know is not what you want to be doing so if any listeners have any advice or thoughts I would love to hear them but I also want to hear about your nail jury. Oh okay so I am on a nail journey because as mentioned before I was really kind of addicted to powder to your immune support is part of the reason. Not only or my nails very short. They're very thin. Maper paper thin and so the thing I liked about powder. Dip AS OPPOSED TO GEL or regular manicures. They add like this hard layer on your nails for the first time in my life. My nails don't feeling bendy all that being said the removal and the wearing of them really kind of messed my nails and they were very fragile and dry and just cracking. How long were you leaving the powder dip on like every two or three weeks? I would get it change. And then finally I the One person doing my Medicare. Let's give yourself give you a break. And that was about two months ago and my nails have had a very hard time bouncing back like they haven't really been rowing. They've been really just breaking. And as I've mentioned on this podcast before I have had very low self esteem about my fingernails. Since I was a child this is like the ongoing quest to have. The details of my dreams has been since. I was seven. I'm also nail biter nail chewier like I remember doing Lee press nails like elementary school. Because I just wanted like long deal I mean hands are great but my nails grow long. Yeah it's hard just being like well. That's just what it is an notably acrylics over and over again but that also just destroys your nails so I've kind of trying to take the path of acceptance unlike learning to love how my hands and my nails look. Jay Really is so S- like not silly but it's such a small thing but we're all insecure over the smallest thing real big to us so what I have been doing so I was at Ulta with my child The same time I bought those press on nails which I did really like wearing and I bought myself They had very specific offers. And what are those things called? Filers mail files files. Four like very thin now so interesting. Often I get file. And it's just like it's like sandpaper nail just like flies away. Yeah you need a very fine nail fund. So I bought them. I've been using those to shape and buff my nails and I even have like ridges and dips on in my nail bed and all the stuff and my nails have felt from the buffing. Really good And I've been shaping them in a way that feels kind of Nice and then I have gone back to taking collagen powder every day. Just no longer choice for you as a vegetarian. Correct but it is a choice for me as a non vegetarian and I have really found that that is the only thing that makes my nails start to feel hard and strong and I can. I can notice it instantly. Wow Yeah so. I've been trying to be really consistent about that. I take vital proteins. Collagen powder that I got in a big Tub at my favorite store. You know the one Cosco and that does seem to help and like numerous people have given me mixed thoughts on Collagen. Yeah I think I haven't listened to it but I think Jane. Marie has an episode on it. Oh and the news of the training season of the dream. Yeah I mean it might be total BS. I don't know but I have actually really noticed. A correlation now the person who was zapping. My Bikini line was like don't do Collagen because it makes everything grow so it'll make your nail stronger but like also it's GonNa make your pubis stronger. Maybe I want strong pup- stream I don't judge. Yeah but but you know what I also would like to pronounce to be like strong. So they aren't always get caught like a thread and they rip. Yeah that's really frustrating. So that's been my journey so far and I think I have to have to fully walk away from the lake hard gels. Yeah all that stuff because it ultimately even though it looks so gorgeous in the moment and I can get all these fun extensions ultimately just kind of wrecks what's underneath which is my true nail so you need to love my true nail as much as I love fake nails vignal so much but you know I think you can save them for special occasions. I think you're right and tell them just doing them a couple times. A year is going to be fine. Definitely GonNA powder when I go on a family vacation and may vary but then maybe I'll take a step back so that's been my journey. Anyway thank you for listening and hearing me out of course any nail experts out there. We've been called out on our lack of nail expertise to visually so if anyone wants to weigh in Holler at me. Love to know your thoughts. But I've done like everything to strengthen my nails nail teats. Oh yes my mom and I like all through high school. I've done like horse. The stuff that like put goes I kind of feel like like things that promised to thicken your hair. The stuff is like for the most part. It's kind of like the hand you're dealt genetics. Genetic like there's not going to be a ton you can do just like there's not a ton I can do to have like a long mane of beautiful thick hair like it's just not going to happen. Do like how this is. All vaguely horse related. No worries along main. I mean yes you're right and I do think you know like the mini episode that we recently did talking about gray hair. Part of there is. There is a lot of self acceptance involved. Hopefully that is can be very hard anyway. Should we take a short break okay? Okay let's do our guest today. Is Beth Newell Beth? Welcome to old forever. Thirty five thank you. Thanks for having me. Were thrilled to have you a we start every interview with the bio. So we're going to read this and if we leave anything out let us know. Bethnal is the CO founder and editor of the Satirical Women's magazine reduc dress. She Co authored the new book. There's no manual. An honest inquiry wisdom about having a baby with Jackie Rees and the book how to win at Feminism and her work has been featured in the onion mic Sweeney's and the New Yorker. She hosts the PODCAST. We knows parenting along with her husband. Peter mcnerney and Beth was named by rolling stone as one of the fifty funniest people right now and one Time Magazine's twenty three people who are changing. What's funny right now? And perhaps funny. She gave birth to her daughter in the back. Seat of a Honda fit not a large car. A lot of room to really spread out all your birthing angles. Oh no but my. My pillow is in the car with me and she had me on my facing out the back of the car if that makes sense and it worked out pretty well so was she on the other side to catch the baby. She was in the back seat with me while Peter was driving the car. So I Didn't pull over. He did hello but Basically what happened was I. I must have been fully dilated without realizing it when we got in the car. Walking out to the car must have shimmied. My daughters had much lower and so when we were driving I told the Dula that wanted to push and she was. She was Austrian woman who is like do not push and then without trying to push. I had a contraction that just shot my daughter's head out of my body so yes I was like the head is out and then everyone just had to deal with it in the moment and she made it. And you're and you made it and Honda hooked you up with a new car my right. I remember this from twitter years ago. Yes a dealership in Brooklyn one hundred dealership gave us a free three year lease on a car which was great. Basically if you're going to give birth safely and can do it in a car Honda who had a Honda we. We're Honda driver. Crv will the SIERRAS. What the car we got and it was the car I had been telling my husband we needed to get for months and Right yeah I think I manifested it because our car. We brought it our car in for inspection that week and they said it was undrivable and not safe to drive so basically. We lost our car the week I gave birth and then I gave birth in my sister's Honda fit. Oh my God. Yeah Wow oh my God. That's so intense. Well we're really really happy to have you here. Obviously you're the right person to CO author a book that includes honest and gory wisdom about having a baby which we will talk about but could we kick things off by having you share a self care practice. Whatever that means to you does not need to be anything fancy or it could be but how do you find ways to take care of yourself especially as a person who is writing books running an internet company parenting being who'll yeah My biggest self-care thing I think is taking salt bats. I really Like to just get in the bathroom. Soak everything out of my body And I see it as kind of like a spiritual practice. 'cause as dumb as it sounds identify as an an path. I feel like I soak up a lot of energy throughout the day and so I get in the salt bath and I feel like it kind of takes that back out of me so we take us on the sturdy. You isn't there you're using EPSOM salt. I do a mixture of salt and sea salt and that is what my psychic recommended to me. I like sea salt. Lake the kind you just by the grocery store. It can't be that I've started ordering it in bulk on line so it's the kind of get. I think now like Dead Sea salt but the sea salt you get into grocery stores. Also fine new do a mix. Can we get the exact measurement? Just doing a complex one two one. S COPS. Yeah it's kind of one to one but I it's. It's like a cup each but sometimes I go overboard because I find that like the more salty. It is the better in terms of soaking soaking the bad energy. Out of me of path question again doing this every night. No it's only like once a week but I think if I'm going through a really stressful phase of my life. Sometimes I'll do it. I'll feel like I need to do it like every day and I really do. It's one of few things that helps outside of like exercise or getting a massage or something like that. I have a question about the logistics of very salty baths. Do you then feel like you have to like rinse with freshwater afterwards like do you feel like of a thin film of salt on you like you would when you go into the ocean. Yeah I usually rinse off in the shower right afterwards because it's very salty. That's hadn't I've been doing more salt baths myself but more for sore muscles than like energetic purposes. But I should rinse off after. I didn't even dawn on me that you're right like I'm just sitting in saltwater and thought about that but for our audience who might not be familiar with the term impact. Can you talk to us a little bit about what that means? And how you experience it. Yeah so Being an impact the idea is that you are more sensitive to the energy of people around you than other people. So you pick up on people's emotions on you pick up on the energy in a room and If you're not careful with it you are soaking up that energy in taking on if I was a more evolved 'em path with better boundaries. I might not have to take as many salt baths. I think there's a lot of protection techniques you can do like you can imagine a bubble around yourself when you go out into a crowded public. Plays on you. Can you know do chocolate? Cleansing meditations in different things But for me. I find that things like the bath or tactile thing like massage exercises more helpful. Because it's just I. It's sometimes hard to get into the head space of like really believing that the meditation or whatever you're doing is helping. Yeah and it's just I. It's funny because I think the term impact gets thrown around a lot in these spiritual circles by people who I don't think they always fully understand what it means because it sounds like it's just like it. Sounds like a mind reader in a fun way when in actuality I feel like I sometimes pick on people's energy without realizing I'm picking up on it so I'll be around someone in a bad mood and then suddenly I'm in a bad mood and it feels like the mood is about what I'm experiencing but I am not realizing that I just picked up somebody else's bad vibes so it's not as fun as it does. It sounds exhausting. I mean the bathing sounds fun but the other part sounds challenging. Yeah it's hard and I think Hopefully I will get better at it and not take on so much and like ideally. I would be kind of like witnessing other people's emotions and like being detached from them but it's it's very hard not to get sucked in so let me ask you and this is kind of a twofold question because you mentioned a psychic. I have. I don't know if I've talked about it too much on this podcast but I visited a couple of psychics in my day and I would love to talk about like how one goes about doing. What are the reasons behind it? What has the experience like? And then how does that factor into your life when you are a person whose job it is to also poke fun at these things like? How do you kind of find that balance between engaging in these practices and also finding the the humor in them if that makes sense? Yeah it's hard. I I found my psychic back in two thousand ten. I think her name's Jemma Deller and she operates in Brooklyn and I just right off. The Bat had very inspirational experience with her where she was channeling brother and it felt like she. I mean she is just such a funny person like she's a very like tough-talking no-nonsense Brooklyn biracial lesbian so I wasn't getting like sort of like fake empowerment by from her. It felt like she was channeling. My brother in a sarcastic way. That felt very much like the way he would communicate with me and I just felt like she really validated things. And at that time I was feeling very lost in my career. I had been taking Improv. I had a major in illustration and she told me that I was a writer and over the years. She said various things to me. That really resonate in that way where I was you know. Has this really feels right on to me and I understand the flip side of the. Obviously I'm I consider myself very skeptical person but I do think we all kind of tune into our own gut on what feels right for us where we're supposed to be in our lives and what we're supposed to do. That's beautiful. I I mean I. I also saw psychic to communicate with my dad. Mom and I have many people in my life. Who are like just someone to scamming you. But I also which I don't believe but psychics are very divisive topic of conversation. I have found. Yeah and for me. It feels evidential. I know no one else can really like believer appreciate that. But the summer that I found Gemma I had a couple of different instances where I would be alone and like something would fall on my head from above like a chrome or like like some physical thing would fall on me in a moment where it felt like. I was getting these messages. That this doesn't there's no other explanation for these things. You know what I mean. Yes I think. My mom communicates to me. Have you ever had a dead person talk to you know do you believe? Do you believe that that kind of communication can exist? I believe that people believe in it. Skeptical Fred no like. It's the kind of thing where I'm like if this works for you. And you you get fulfillment or calm or whatever out of it and it's not harming anyone then fine. Yeah I think if it's harming people or or if it's harming you like the story in the New York Times about the man. Yes like gouged out six hundred thousand. Yes then that I have a problem with and I do. I guess my issue with some psychics in particular is that some of them tend to prey on very vulnerable people. And so that is a problem for me. Yeah I do believe that. There are a lot of fakes out there and a lot of unethical psychics and I. I've been really avid listener of the psychic teachers. Podcast for years and they always have a very strict set of ethical rules. Like you. Don't just go up to someone in start giving them a reading. You don't give someone reading that they don't want you'd end and when I first saw Jemma she told me right off the bat like you should not come back here for six months to a year because people get addicted to the sort of validation and at the end of the day we all have free will we all have to make her own choices. Like no one can tell you exactly what to do. They're just get a conduit for some validation. That's the psychic I saw said as well and I I that resonated with me because after I had experiences like a psychic medium talking to my dad mom I want until I go every day and see what my mom was up to and that was very emotionally challenging was it was a weird experience. It ultimately was helpful but it was. It was a lot. Yeah I could see how someone who doesn't have as strong of a sense of self as I think Beth. You Do Kate. You do could be taken in by someone who is perhaps not as scrupulous the people youtube both seem to have found. Beth and I found good psychics. And then Beth you that was kind of a a moment where you realize you wanted to be a writer. Yeah I think it kind of you know. She says these things to me that feel very true. But it's kind of speaking to inklings of things I felt in the past so is like I as you know I had done Improv for awhile and I never really fit in as the performer actor type and I just we should clarify for our audience that you and I have known each other for many years because you and I are both performers from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater which is Improv comedy that you reference. Yeah and yeah I always felt like I never really found my place there. At the time you see didn't have sketched teams. The way they do now there was sketch classes but it just never. I had never had that connection of like. Oh I wanna be a comedy writer and I didn't. I didn't find that avenue so when she said that to me it's sort of felt like all kind of click together like everything I had been trying to do. Yeah and let's talk about reductions because it is one of the smartest and funniest things on the Internet period education point for anyone who's not familiar with reductions. Can you give us just a little bit of Info about what the site is? And what you skewer on the site and what your experience has been there sure. selectors started as a satirical women's magazine sort of poking fun at the tone of Women's media. That was always trying to Empower women while actually trying to sell us things that make us WanNa fix our flaws and all that But it's kind of grown into parodying not just women's media but the female experience more broadly and we've had lots of writers over the years You know pitching ideas about women's media about their experiences with man S- planning and all the little fun intricacies of being a woman. I'm looking right on the homepage right now. This plant care tips. You'll immediately abandoned. After anything at all happens how start drinking more water by sticking your whole self worth on ed which is wow really what. I feel like I do every attack. I mean I DRINK. Water obsessively the the headlines and pieces I I think the most amazing thing about the site is how unfailingly like there's never a dip in the brilliance of the content. It's so sharp and so funny consistently which is kind of amazing to me and also speaks like I also feel very seen all the time like for example. I hate the city says woman who only goes to three places. What's the process like there? It's a little bit based on my experiences when I used to intern at the onion. So we have most of our writers work remotely and they pitch US ten headlines at a time and then we go through all of those on a weekly basis and I would say we probably take one or two pitches. Outta ten Which is how we keep the quality high end than we have in house writers who are pitching in helping us right of those articles. How do you think this is kind of something during I talk about a little bit like? How do you reconcile participating in the things that you're also making fun of like we? You know we talk in a very critical way about a lot of practices but we also participate in skincare and makeup. And enjoy it like Wha- what have you have? You had to kind of find that own balance in your life. Is that ever been something? You've thought of yeah. It's it's difficult. I mean what's hard about reductions is that you know. We're this tiny company founded by two people who never had any funding and because there's this double standard for women. Sometimes we get criticized as though we are a large media conglomerate that is taking advantage of women if that makes sense and it's hard because we're doing our best and we are listening to feedback and trying to do the best buy are writers and With the amount of time we have which is very limited. Because we're a small staff and I think at the end of the day. Sometimes I think you have to really reconcile like what am I putting into the world versus? What am I wear my failings because I think you could easily choose the past the path of least resistance which is just to say nothing in not have a company and you know not. Try to help people. But I don't think the end result would be better for not having tried you know And so I don't know it's a very hard position I find to be in the to be trying to help. Lift up other people's voices because you're always going to be failing everyone in some way And you kind of have to learn how to deal with that. I think that's great. That makes a lot of sense. Let's talk about your new book because you you wrote a book. A book that many people who've gone through pregnancy or childbirth have wished existed Because it's very honest upfront. You talk about things that a lot of literature does not talk about. How did that come to be and what? What are you hoping readers take away from it? That's exactly the reason we decided to write. The book is I knew Jackie before I got pregnant. I met her during her podcast. And when I got pregnant I realized she was one of the only people I knew who is pregnant so I reached out to her to try to get some insight on what the hell was happening to my body and I think we learned slowly over the course of time that we both had been taking notes on this idea for a book because we wanted to spare people what we were experiencing which felt like we were just so in the dark as to what this experiences was gonna be like you know. There's all this information out there on all everything that could medically go wrong in your pregnancy. But there's not a lot of encouragement for everything you're doing and a lot of empathy for all the disgusting things that are happening to your body and all that so we just wanted women to feel seen and feel encouraged to understand that there is no right way to do. This and Jackie did all the illustrations in the book. And I'm like sitting here laughing at one of them because you have a diagram a woman who has given birth and it says circle where it hurts a postpartum activity sheet and save space to complain and like that is. That is something that I can really really to. Walking hurts hair's falling out in clumps creaky painful joints c section scar burning just so many things that like nobody towels you still right. Yeah and then. You finally start to get that validation from people but it's like piecemeal like did this happen you and let it. It's all things would have been nice to hear before they happened. What was the what was the biggest surprise for you about pregnancy? Like what was the thing that you were like? God why did no one tell me this I think I just didn't. I don't think I really appreciated how much everyone would want me to like. Take care of their emotions about my pregnancy. If that makes sense like if a leg I like with Planning the birth and making decisions about the baby. It just felt like everyone wanted to weigh in in a way that was not necessarily helpful And you know we have a section of the book that's like don't let them visit or I forget. Exactly what the title is but you know everyone wants to come see the baby. Everyone wants to tell you what you should be doing for the baby but not a lot of that takes the form of actually helping you take care of the baby or helping you recover from birth. Just takes the form of like them wanting your attention for some reason. Yeah I did not I. I luckily did not experience that with my family but I have heard many a story of people who did and that sounds really fricken. Hard Beth we get a lot of requests for parenting podcasts. And you have one that you do with your husband. Which are there times where you want to gently push each like what are what are the challenges of discussing something as hard as parenting with the person that you're doing it with? It's really hard. We've we've gotten a lot better at it over time But we are. Podcast has frequently taken the form of like couples therapy that we are living out loud for strangers and I think ultimately. It's been really helpful because we have this crazy schedule where we're kind of usually passing the kids back and forth to each other. Although that slowly getting a little less chaotic and so this had become the only time during the week where we would actually compare notes on what was happening. And so yeah. There's been a lot of arguing at a lot of me trying to explain the female perspective on these things but I think it's really helped us work through a lot of stuff and I think our listeners seemed to enjoy hearing that and I think sometimes they feel seen by hearing that process. I also have a podcast with my husband and I have had the same experience like I've said many times. If we didn't have a podcast together like we would never just be sitting down for an hour to an hour and a half every week just sort of going over what's been going in our lives and it has served as a kind of couples therapy with. I guess our therapist being our listening audience kind of forces you to speak somewhat respectfully to one another and I think that's where it becomes actually productive. That's so interesting. I will say that like the episodes where we kind of got in. Fights have been kind of our most popular episodes because people the response from listeners has been like. Wow you guys really got real. That's like kind of I don't know I always feel weird when we fight on the air. Yeah we've had that response from listeners. To but then we also occasionally. We'll have a response from a listener. Where they're like Beth was to mean or like I feel like someone's like projecting their own like internalized sexism. That me in a way that I'm like exhausting but it's mostly a good. Yeah Beth can I ask a question? I'm just circling back to us. We get a lot of questions from people that are like I have this idea but I don't know how to get off the ground or don't have the confidence to do it. I don't even know where to begin or it's already been done. Is there a bit of advice that you have for people who have a vision of something they want to execute creatively professional or just a like a passion project in actually doing it? Because you did it like you started something. And it's now been this amazing thing with longevity and reach. What's like the little bit of advice that you give people I think you should sort of. I don't want to say we started small but I think you need to start with like a manageable goal and let it snowball over time because if if it if it's resonating with people it'll pick up momentum and you'll find what's fun about it but I don't think you can force it too much because it takes so much sustained effort over time. I'm sure you guys know doing a podcast like it's so much work to put something out week after week after week and so if you don't enjoy doing it it's very obviously gonNA fizzle out Especially when you're not really making money off the bat me up. Yeah totally agree. Yeah well this has been. It's been great to get to talk to you in a professional manner. Where careless earns find you? And where can they buy? There's no manual. And where can they hear? You give us the rundown you can find me on twitter at Beth. New You can find Funny Videos of my kids on Instagram at Bethnal. you can find. There's no manual any bookstore and you can listen to me on. We knows parenting podcast. You are everywhere. Thank you so much about your best. Truly pleasure yeah. It was great to talk to you. Thank you so much for doing it. Thanks for having me so hates. You're just tick talking away this week. I had to like take a freaking hawes from talk because I'm a. I'm a ticketed. I see what you did there fun Pun and I respect it but I don't know that I endorse all I want is your respect. Yeah I had to like pull back on my tick talking because it was starting to be like just too much yes. Did you learn a dance because that was your that? Was Your intention from last week. I learned to dance and then I did it. I did it in the mirror and it was so not cool like I did not look. Didn't it just didn't look cool. It didn't look cool like the teens of Tick Tock but I will say I did start the forever. Thirty-five about four people follow it. But if you're on tick targeting me. Yup Come Watch me. I did a dance while washing my face. Yeah you did. It was very cute so I'm going to. I'm thinking like how can I? How can we make more like skin and self care related talks? Ooh right. I'M NOT GONNA be dancing like Addison Ray. Okay but could we possibly do something on there? I think so. I look forward to all of your ideas. Yes so so. What are you doing this okay so this week? My intention is to nail moisturizers every night. I am really enjoying using handcream which is a new thing for me well go. I really feels good to be here. Forty years to figure out the joy of hand cream I keep. Avena skin relief intense moisture handcream by my bedside table. You can see. I'm almost done with the spot. Yeah so I do that. And then I use ten over ten rose oil cuticle oil a rub that Oliver my nails and my nail bed which we should say that forever. Thirty five FACEBOOK GROUP. Admin Queen Heather. Oh Kanka Heather. You're the best. This is changed my life. It's amazing it's really great. It's so easy just to keep your bed. It's really tiny and also the way you apply it. It's like cute little roller yeah roller you do you love to learn more. I do look to speak my truth. What can you say you love roller so I use that and I also wondering if that's making my nails feel better feel good is. I'm just enjoying like these. Little NAIL SELF CARE PRACTICES. That are not about having like the longest dreaming snails but just kind of making them feel good and this for you. How about you you? We're going to get your office in a state where you could do working and guess what you did it. I did it and when I was putting my stuff in for this week in our in our shared doc. I was typing it from my desk. Good for the off as it. Feel like a space of calm and productivity. It's getting there it's getting there. I mean certainly more than it was. You have a space that you can actually put your computer down and do workout. Yes and I have my desk chair. And it's like okay. I can see where this is going. Good then you know what I mean like. It's all kind of getting setup. You've gotta lamp have a lamp. Well it's getting there so that's good and then this one of you. Thank you matt and I are going away together alone for the first time since Henry was born so my attention this week is just kind of relax. Just try to enjoy myself. Reconnect reconnect recharge charge. That's exciting are you having big feelings about it or you fill in okay like are you worried or nervous leaving him or you just like peace out. I am a little. I'm a little sad about leaving him. I feel like I don't know I kind of like we're going. We're leaving Thursday coming back Sunday. Kinda WANNA come back. But I don't so I have to figure out. Well I can tell you he will be okay. I know he'll be fine My parents are coming and it'll be great. It'll be great and you will. Maybe you're going to do anything like are you gonNA get a massage massage and we have a dinner reservation on Thursday night to be nice. Then we're going to see my husband's favorite band. The Dave Matthews band talk about Self Care live in concert. I've seen them with him once before I'm and was very intense and be a great show. Does a great show very talented? Their fans are intense But Yeah I'm I'm looking forward to. It's going to be a pretty a relatively small venues. I think that will be fun. That's great yeah. Well if you have a great time thank you so much. You want to say this or do you love to do it. Dory forever thirty five is hosted and produced. I meet or. He's a freer and Kate Spencer and produced and edited by. Sammy who neo and SAM. Reid is our project manager and we will talk to you all next week.