GIVE ME MY DAMN CAR KEYS!
Senior Life Journeys Presents Carol Howls. Let's talk dementia. A podcast designed to help caregivers find knowledge power hope and smiles in their dementia caregiving journey. Welcome to let's talk dementia. Here's your host bestselling author Carol. Hi everybody welcome to. Let's talk dementia. I am Carol. How will your host? You're here today. We're GONNA talk about driving cars. Hell that can be a problem in like when loved ones have dementia. I was honored to receive a phone call from a lady that I had spoken with probably two months ago and then she heard me speak quite unexpectedly there. She was and I'm like Yay. I knew her and so she called me this past week very much in a state of trauma and those phone calls are sad and I was happy to be there for her and I'm happy to be there for you can email me carol at. Let's talk dementia. Tell me what's going on and give me your phone number and I'll call you back. Her situation was this dad. was very very very upset in dad has dementia and he's fairly far along. I would say a good mid stage progressive progressing mid stage in that every day. He is determined to get his car back. I mean angry reading to ready to fight. I won't my car back. They had taken Dad's keys because he's no longer safe driving and We know statistically when someone with dementia has an accident hurt themselves in someone else or else they killed himself in someone else and you know. That's just a risk we can't take on the peripheral vision of the human body changes as we age. That's the ability to see writing left while looking straight ahead or top to bottom while looking straight ahead and as we age normally that perfect vision get smaller and smaller but with Alzheimer's type dementia specifically it is drastically affected so that eventually that prevision vision gets down to just a very small little area and then our vision changes from binocular two mon- accuser vision meaning instead of seeing as. We're probably only seeing out a one that one has cataracts glaucoma and you can bet if they've got if your individual has gone through the stages of dementia. They're not seeing out of that. I because they're probably wearing the wrong prescription. We get to the point. We can't answer those questions at eye doctor about which is better one or two which looks clear. So we're probably wearing the wrong eyeglasses. So that makes Dr Driving very very dangerous. Plus our reflexes are off our ability to stop real quickly or go whoops. I forgot to do this. Whatever you know. Let me get over in the other lane because someone's coming towards me. That ability to respond quickly has left and It makes us dangerous as a senior citizen with dementia in so they realize this with that he was having some real driving issues and they took his keys away. Now as you might imagine. Dad did not set his two girls down and go thank you so much for loving me and caring for me enough that you looked out for me and you did the hard thing by taking my case away now. Wouldn't that have been wonderful now? He sat down and told them that they were all a piece of you. Fill in the blank and that he was disappointed them. He raise them better than they had in. He used EH precursor. He ever heard his whole life in words. They had not heard their daddy say in. It was awful. They were just petrified by this. They knew they could not leave. Data loan in for a week atop them on Friday. Yeah since Monday. They had tried staying with him overnight. He wasn't sleeping. They weren't sleeping. They were exhausted. He was exhausted. He had just recently come out of the hospital and Just it was a big mess in there like Carol. What do we do well? I'm sitting there thinking boy. I wish I had just a fantastically wonderful answer for them. But there's not a lot to answer for that I did have some suggestions in our go. Those with you but you've got to remember for our folks with dementia little by little by little. They are losing a piece of themselves and they know this don't think they're not aware of it. They are in for a man. You take away his keys and you have taken away a huge part of his identity now. May If you're willing to drive me around. I am willing to let you my sweet Mama. When she got lost in her car. One day going to the doctor came back the next day I said Mama how about if I just take you over where you need to go. She goes shoots suits may grow. Let's do it. I love it and that was it then. We sold a car done. Never know thought with men does happen but not as often as it will with the female because a man's identity is all wrapped up when he got his driver's license and got his first car and he can tell you what the car was what the engine was. And how much you pay or how much you get. How many miles a gallon it got blah blah blah blah blah. All that stuff I could care less about but a man cares about that. It is different. Their identity is wrapped around the ability to get out. Go and drive that car and being control and all of a sudden you have reached in snatch their keys and they can't get their to their car or get their car to cranks got no keys. I know a family that with their mom now. She was determined to drive and They went outside in DIS abled. Her car they thought that'll solve it in. She'll go out in liberty briquets car was gonNA crank and they thought problem solved even very advanced midstate dementia. She thought whom I have got AAA and she called triple a. and they came and fixed her car. There seriously backfired so they called me they said. Now what is what you need to cut your plane cancel AAA so that if she calls they won't come out but what she did instead is She got her neighbor to take her somewhere. He not people get creative. Is what I'm telling you. But even if you're getting there getting their neighbor take them somewhere is safer than them out driving what you have to think about someone who is just very intent on driving and you take their key away. They have just become a wonder risk. They may never have been wondrous before using daddy is not getting off his rear go. Waltham data just sits in his chair and drives his car yet but you take his key away now he may become a wondrous. 'cause Dad gone he's going to get out and go and if he gave drive. Just take off from walk so you have to be aware of that is helping this family realize so. I told him some things they could do is to use diversion therapy. I won't my case back. Give me my keys back right now. Right now with a whole lot of four letter words that a good Christian votes don't use and I should say to Him Dad. That's a great idea. We're GONNA get your keys. I've got to go to my house and get them. You don't have them right there for sure. You can't just magically make them up here no you gotTa have a delay in that but first let's get dressed and let's go get some launch because I'm starving and I know you are two or dad. Let's go do something something to divert his attention away from getting those blessed keys in his hand to going doing something else for some people that will work some people. It will not work for some people. They are so stuck so fixated on that one thing. They're not gonNA come off of it. I recently did a show about being fixated on numbers. That's where uncle. Ernie is my brother-in-law. He is so fixated on numbers. A still fixated on numbers cannot get off of numbers. Knock Cherie ever will so. With some people you can divert their attention and get them to talking about thinking about something else even for just a little while some folks no. They're going to be stuck on it. I also told them that Got To investigating a lot of questions digging deeper about what was going on with tach physically. I wondered if he had a UTI and come to find out does not still little. Not so sure. I believe that 'cause the doctor did the quick test where they can just real quickly with the urinalysis tail but not culture and I feel like he needs a culture because many times a culture will show you two. Ya with the little quick test in the doctor's office will say no so. I'm still kind of wondering about that. But Dad's not been sleeping. No of course neither have these daughters. They haven't slept in over a week. It's been constant three or four hours here three or four hours. They are in dad just being very angry. The rest of the time and uncooperative. But as it is affecting them not having good solid sleep. And they're healthy females in the problem of their life. It's certainly affecting dad and that lack of sleep. You guys know what it does do when you don't sleep well your brain can't function well in. I remind you that when you sleep in when you drink your vacuum comes on in your brain in it clears out all the toxins out of your brain. So that when you awaken your brain will work on higher levels function better nephew. Don't get in that deep sleep in you don't dream. Your vacuum does not come. On what the heads vacuums not been on for many many many days because he's not sleeping. We talked about Melatonin. Should he try MELATONIN and She said he tried Benadryl. One time and that made things really bad for him to make a note of that. Benadryl did not work good for her dad. Presa which you need to do is call the pharmacists or the doctor and say this is what's going on. Dad's not sleeping. Here's his list of medications. What can he take to maybe help him? Sleep also recommended that they get in touch with a neuro a chariot neuro psychiatrist psychologist and Begin to discuss. If there's something he take to help. Just take the edge off of his anger and his anxiety. 'cause he's very jacked up. Oh my gosh. We can't have that in. We're not about keeping people drug. That's not a good way to live. But living like he's living now where he cannot be helped by any intervention that is not on medical nature. That's not a good way for him to live or his family is going to destroy them all so hopefully pointed them in that direction they have over the weekend. Chosen a wonderful wonderful wonderful memory care community that Dad's going to be moving to and I'm praying that he is going to be receptive of that so I don't feel like it's going to be easy for the to make that transition but they've got to 'cause they can't stay with daddy twenty four seven and daddy can't be by sale. I hope they're story has helped you. Ensure has resonated with some folks who either are dealing with his driving issue or you remember it from the past I do want to tell you that. I had a client that when his mom moved into assisted living in they decorated her apartment beautifully. Now I've told the story before but it it stands to be repeated They were so proud of it. They walked her in and showed it to her and she said wow this is gorgeous and look. There's Janis pitcher. There's Jammies pitcher and they said well. Mom this is your new apartment. Your retirement community. She sat him down. She said Y'all sit down. Shed five children and four of them here in. She said I will not stay here. And I hope every one of you burn inhale and I was standing there going holy cow. Did that just happen? But you know what she com. Damn it didn't happen quickly. Took about a week. She calmed down. She lived there. I think three years quite happy and So you know the situations that we're facing in the in the immediate in the right now will change and with dementia. You can just never guess which way they're gonNA go. Well do write me if you have any questions caroline let's talk dementia and I'll be glad to be here for you. You know. I've been working towards hoping this Podcast slash video series will be available in one hundred countries in. Yesterday I looked up. Eighty six yes. They were on our way. Talk to you next time. Blessings and smiles guys bye. Let's talk. Dementia would like to thank our sponsors National Association of Veterans and families. You can reach them at eight hundred three five to to nine one nine on the Internet at. Www dot n. a. v. f. Dot. Org They speak veterans. So you don't have to and you tell them Carol. Saint you when you call to inquire about benefits for the veteran the spouse of the bedroom or both editor bed you can find Ms Beth crosby at editor Beth Dot Com. She is amazing. Looking at what you've written and making sure it represents you will find her at. Www dot editor Beth dot com and HD imports located on Flint Street extension in Rock Hill South Carolina. That's your county halo. Three nine eight five zero nine eight five. They are there for the hunt the repair and maintenance of your Honda Hyundai Toyota Kia. Tell Them Carol CINCI. Thanks for joining us today. For Barrel House. Let's talk dementia to learn more about dementia. We recommend Carols bestselling book also titled. Let's talk dementia. It's available on Amazon. 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