Happy Hour #255: Lauren Eberspacher
Hey friends and welcome to the Happier Jamie podcasts. I'm your host. Jamie and I'm so glad you're here each week. On this show I invited girlfriend to join me and we chat about the big things in the little things in life and everything in between the today show is brought to you by nations photo lab refresh your wall decor with nations photo lab choose from Classic Photo Prints Museum Quality Canvas sprints breathtakingly vibrant metal prints rustic would prints wraps and so much more ordering online is easy so you can turn your instagram's into instant memories that will last a lifetime make every moment matter and tri-nations photo lab today head to nations photo lab dot com and use code happy hour for fifteen percent off your order. Hello friends at Happy Happy Hour Day. If you're listening to this on release day I'm actually on an airplane heading to the she speaks conference in Charlotte North Carolina to be a part of the pre-conference event and I am so excited if you're going to be there or you have a friend. That's going to be there. Tell them to come say hi. I love meeting. Listeners is truly one of my favorite thing so come say hi if you're there today my guests for this show is lauren ever speaker. You may have seen Lauren in her family on the today show because the today show came and visited there Nebraska farm and she shared how her family handles the demands and and the isolation of harvest time Lawrence family grows food that we eat she's a city girl turned into a farm wife she stays at home with her three small children and rights words to encourage other women in the thick of mothering little ones Lauren and I talked candidly about her struggles google soup postpartum depression friendships that made a huge difference in her healing from P._p._d.. And the fight for contentment and living where you are finding that work life balance and I must tell you we talk about Mary People Things Aka sex ex we do nothing we say is inappropriate by any means but if you have little ones nearby you might WanNa keep this episode for a time when you aren't dragging them around besides you and maybe you have your ear buds in and you're listening all alone to yourself listeners recently. I asked you guys nice to rate and review and subscribe to the podcast and you guys showed up. I I want to say thank you. Thank you for doing that. I feel so honored to be a part of your week through the happy hour and I mean every part of what I just said. It is a true honor to know Oh that every week you and I are hanging out and another guest that I bring along with me every week I love that you're sharing with all of itunes what you love and wireless ner. Thank you so much for all of you five thousand plus people who have raided and reviewed the show. I want to say thank you to l.. D. One eight for five stars and for sharing how much the happy hour has meant to you. This is what I said. She said I discover the Happy Hour Jamie Ivy. When I accepted a job that involved about an hour commute each day there were already multiple episodes social and I started listening so I was able to pendulism for a month or so and to work until I was caught up from there? Wednesdays became my favorite day of the week thanks to getting to listen to the newest episode. The Lord is used as podcast to grow closer to himself and to remind me that I am not alone. Whatever I'm I'm going through the episodes always come at the perfect time and speak right to my heart whether it's regarding racial reconciliation parenting infertility singleness or just fun topics as podcasts covers it all it is a good use of your time? I'm now stayed home mom to an eight month old son and no no longer had that hour-long commute by myself. I never thought I would miss that commute so much today. It looks more like listening while doing laundry sitting on the floor playing with my son or going for stroller walks out of sunny day. The Lord continues to use it in my life and I have shared it with everyone. I know thanks Jamie for carrying about us. Women I and allowing God to us you in this way. My dream is to come to the happy hour live one day. Oh my gosh thank you so much for those kind words and let me tell you we hear this type of story a lot. I listened to my car. I listened when I'm on walked with my kids and the Lord is used this show and I. I want to say so much that I am honored that got US choosing to use me in this way all of your lives. I don't take it lightly. I Love My job and I love that I get to bring phenomenal conversations to every single week that my hope all of our our hope here at the happy hour all of the team here we all hope that they bring you closer to Lord so thank you for that. If you haven't rated or reviewed go do that. We would love love to hear what you're loving about. The show all right France here is my conversation with Lauren Lauren. Welcome to the happy hour. Hey thanks for having me welcome to Austin from Nebraska yes. I think I've only been in Nebraska once. It's amazing. I've been twice. I spoke there once and you know what I didn't know about Nebraska which Wilpon we talked about this. We're obviously talking about this. I didn't realize how many like cornfields there were in Nebraska. They're beautiful aren't they. They were a beautiful they way that you when the wind the through what I thought about the most I'm I was driving to speak there and I'm GonNa Rental car and I'm driving and there's all these fields. There's probably other things was a lots of other things that it's corn grain things all I could think about was when I was in high school. I watched the movie children of the corn. Have you seen it. Yes and it's terrifying. It's it's terrifying Terry. Remember nothing about the movie. Thank you Jesus but I do when I see big fields like that. They just scare me and I don't know why but I'm scared of them. You are not the only person who feels that way. Do you know I don't okay. Would you walk through like grain or corner. Beg Your head and you would walk through it for sure Lorna. I'm almost peed my pants thinking about that. I would actually P my pants walking through that field. I've had friends who have come to visit and they won't go near the cornfields because they're ed afraid I would do your kids run through them. No they're not because we're afraid of them getting lost in them. Oh my gosh my anxieties went to another level. <hes> bean fields. Don't get that tall but our kids know that they're not to go in the fields. They're not to go on the corner at all because when you get in there you can't see and then they get lost and so we have pretty strict rules with how close are kids can get to the cornfields okay. I now have fear I never knew I needed and now this surrounding this on my list of fears which is quite long by the way. Have you seen them quiet place. No I haven't don't they go through. Oh my gosh okay. You should watch it. It's not a it's not a horror movie. It's a thriller right. Is that how you describe. It wanted a thriller. It is like you're nervous. You jump I one time my kids to and my kids and my husband were watching it and I was like I'm not watching this movie. I couldn't stop it is so good so there's my recommendation. Go Okay John Kaczynski Linski <hes> what's his name from the office. Jim Jim he wrote it directed it started and his wife Emily Blunt. Isn't it blunt torches so weird because that's not the type of movie that I would picture him in having gone from the office to a movie like Bat which I think when you start what you have to take our generation. It takes us a minute to quit thinking of him as Jim yes so oh that's we're going to have to put that on our movie watch less. You really should put it on your movie. Watch lists it so good. <hes> Okay Lauren welcome to the happy. We are all this talk about cornfields because you are a farm wife a farmer. Are you a farmer. I I would probably identify more as a farm wife but my husband and I are farm together. Yes I love this so much so interesting. We've had another guest that's been on before Lenzi Kramer her and her husband don't farm they will they do farm but they is that farming. They grow animals instead of yet they do. They do livestock. They said Dr Centigrade Okay so you and your husband Eric have been married for almost ten in years. You've three kids and you work this farm. That's been in his family for five generations. That's right. Eric is a fifth generation grain farmer which I just think that's the coolest thing ever it is our life is kind of like a country song a little bit. It sounds like it could be yeah. He's a fifth generation farmer and we have our three little farm babies who were raising out in the country and we live where the green grass grows and the corn POPs up in rose around us so sometimes. I feel you like Tim O'Brien. I running that song which anytime I can sing on a podcast is always exciting. That's a joke so you when you married Eric. You knew that there were four generations of farmers. Did you think you guys we're going to become farmers. Summer's on the farm I did that actually came up on our very first date and I was a city girl a group in Kansas City my whole life I ward stilettos and miniskirts and I knew that if I was going to keep dating him and potentially marry him I would I would have to get used to this idea of moving to a farm and really just transforming a lot of my life and so that came up on our very first date and you're good with it. I guess here you are ten years later or did you have to kind of buy into the idea you know I kind of had to buy into the idea. When I first met Eric? I had never seen a tractor in real life. I love that I mean I grew up literally in the middle of Kansas City and surrounded just suburban suburban lifestyle you know and so when I I met him it was just this whole new idea but God really softened my heart to it because I loved Eric so much and I was so attracted to his character and we just hit it off so well that I was like if I'm GonNa Really Fall in love with this man. I'm going to have to fall in love with farm to that sounds so I mean you know ten when you're young and you meet someone that you love that can sometimes be like Oh. I'm sure I'll love it. It'll be fine. I can overlook it that was you removing yourself from where you were planning yourself in a whole nother lifestyle <hes>. How did you guys meet if he was not on the farm so we both went to Heston College in college yet <hes> and I was there for nursing school? Heston has a nursing nursing program and he was they're doing his Undergrad Heston's just a two year school and I saw him working out in the weight room was he was doing squats. Now is like who is that to get to know that guy no squat boy exactly exactly and so yeah so that was that was how we met just in school and we actually had connected over facebook over the summer just messaging one another and we knew pretty quickly when we got back to school in the fall I think that we went onto dates dates and in just a couple of weeks in he was like I think this might be it and I was like yeah I agree. Oh Wow I love that was done and then you all day for Hal. I'm Mary we dated for. We did long distance actually so the first year we dated in college and then we dated dated for another two years long distance and then got married. Wow was he back at the farm. He was a finishing up school at the University of Nebraska. Okay go cornhuskers yet. Go cornhuskers go big red and so he was finishing up there. I was working down at my dream job in Kansas City and so he moved down to Kansas City and we got married and we lived there for four years before moving back to the farm okay and did you have your babies on the farm. I had my first daughter down in Kansas City. Okay Eric knew that it was one of my really big desires nice to have one of our kids around my parents. My parents live in Kansas City and he just really honored that desire that I had I also was working my dream job at the time I was a he monk nurse before staying home with our kids and so I did oncology oncology and hematology and hospice for seven years before staying home with our children with adults with adults with adults man I loved it. Yet is so great okay so you guys work on the farm. I WanNa talk a lot about just you lauren. Not Eric Eric's here. We're not having to you but I wanNA talk about a couple of things because you told me something that I think is really interesting. Is You had your third child which we have our our name and comic is your baby. Boy's name is Deacon. Yes and I have a deacon who's thirteen and so I loved seeing that you have a little boy named Deacon and but you talked about something that I think is really important that I want to talk with you about you. Talk About Postpartum Depression and anxiety and that you didn't experience with your first two kids your your daughters but you did after your third pregnancy and so let's talk about that for a minute because I think that can be something that is hard for women to talk about some time I recently had a conversation with another happy our guest Elliott joy if you haven't heard that sugar listened to it we talk about this a little bit <hes> and I love that we have to show so close together because it is this misconception that we need to be silent about this and it's not we're talking about so tell us a little bit about your journey with postpartum depression anxiety. After you had sweep deacon yeah well well like you said I had to sweet little girls before our son and I did not have depression anxiety with either of them are postpartum anything like that and so. I had a really traumatic birth with my son. My doctor had worn me that I probably would have some P._T._S._d.. With his birth I had placenta previous and I started bleeding out at home and we had to have the forty five minute drive to the hospital. <hes> they really weren't sure if he was gonNA make it or if they were going to be able to stop my bleeding and so it was very traumatic. Dramatic was very fast and so I knew that I was going to have some probably just some struggles emotionally after his birth because it was so scary but I remember about eight weeks after having him I was sitting on the edge of my bed and something had been kind of off for a few weeks. I just didn't really feel that connection in you know like I said this was my third baby. I knew what I was supposed to be feeling. I knew that I was supposed to still be tired and you know my boobs were supposed to still be store because I was breastfeeding and exhausted costed but I really felt nothing for this little baby he was laying in the pack and play next to me and it took everything in me to get up off the bed and pick him up. I just didn't want to it was like I looked into into his crib and I was like. I don't know who's baby you are. You're not mine. I was really resentful towards my other girls which is something very out of character for me was very resentful at my husband not just because I had depression but I didn't. I feel like he at the time had a desire to understand where I was out. I had tried to verbalize to him multiple times saying I just don't feel like there's something right and he thought I was kind of just being a brat. You know he thought I was just being ungrateful that you know this is what you want what you wanted more kids. You know you wanted this House that we have and now you're just kind of being ungrateful like you Kinda just need to pull your big girl panties up and you kind of just need to just know that this is a season and we can get through it but I just I remember feeling so ashamed because I was like I know what I'm supposed to feel and so what did I do. I didn't tell anybody about it but instead I would take cute will pictures of Deacon Post them on Instagram and facebook 'cause. I was terrified that people. People would be able to see through how much I was struggling and so you know there's a lot of women out there who I think our new moms and they're trying to hide behind their screens. They're posting pictures of their little kids saying how much they love their babies and I know for me. I was doing it because I was like. I want people to think I love this baby. I want people to think that I'm happy that I have this perfect little life when really I was crumbling behind that phone screen so you mentioned that you knew that something was off and my question because since I have never walked through this and you have probably talked more women about this. Is that a common thing to inside your head to know something's not right or can you also have these feelings and I think this must be normal because reasoning normal because you had to previous births daughters and you knew what your experience was different. What did they have been your first child? Are there some mothers who struggle with this and go. I guess this is how it is or is there something in you that goes news. I don't think this feels right. Does that question make sense. That totally makes sense. I think that a lot of first time MOMS would probably think will this is just how it is but for me it ultimately came down to the fact that my relationship with the Lord was off opening my Bible and praying going to church felt completely inauthentic to me. I didn't have a desire to do it at all and so for me because my because my desire to walk with Christ was not there. That was the biggest guest that was the biggest red flag for me. It wasn't just my relationship with this new little baby. It wasn't my relationship with my husband but the fact that I had no desire to dwell with the Lord during this time that that was and I've talked to so many women and they have said the exact same thing. It wasn't just like oh my gosh. I'm so tired I it's like I don't even want to and and you know how there's that that three-month fog after you have a baby you're like after you brought your kids home. Probably it was like Oh my goodness. I come just so tired trying to get used to our new schedule or a two year fog but you know what that's right but for me also there. Was this zero desire to do anything that I used to love to do. I mean I love going to target. I love sitting on my porch with my coffee. I love going for walks. I had no desire I just wanted to lay in bed and just pull the covers up over my head or getting my van and drive away because I just didn't want anything to do with the the life I had which I would imagine that would be a common symptom of depression not even post-partum just as an overall thing. Would you agree yeah totally free so a couple of questions that I have when I think about this is two things number one. How do women tell someone and then the second thing is? What do I say when someone says that to me like what is our reaction as girlfriends to our friends who are saying? I'm struggling. I delivered this baby three months ago. I don't even want to pick him up. I don't want it'd be with the Lord I don't WanNa do anything. How do I react when a friend comes to me with that? That would be the best for you <hes>. I think that's such a good question because I think that's exactly what women fear is. What someone will say is what some some will? I'll say or what somebody what is somebody going to think about me when they know that I don't love my baby <hes> 'cause as Mother's. That's what we're supposed to do. God created us with this desire to nurture and care and love for our children and I can't do that. I must not be worthy enough to be a mom and so it was hard for me. I think it was hardest for me. Actually tell my husband and not my friends. I felt like my friends actually understood understood me more than my husband did because my friends were mom's yeah and so they understood what that was like to go through just those first few months of that fog and exhaustion and the hormonal changes that you have after having a baby it wasn't that hard hard. My friends actually recognized that there was something wrong with me. They recognize that there was something different and so for me. The thing that helped the most that my friends did with me was that they just sat down and they listened to me. They just sat down with me on their couch or over coffee or in their van when we would go shopping and they'd say tell me how you're doing. How are you feeling right now and they the thing that I think really helped too was they would push a lot of people say oh don't push her? You know like she's a new mom and she's just trying to get hang things. My friends pushed me and I think that that came from already having really vulnerable relationships with them. Before my depression came in. I mean I would say that to anybody that there is no way that I could have gotten through this without the vulnerable community that I had in place before the fit hit the Shan in but I've never heard that before before that happens happens in my motherhood and I had this established group of friends and I did have a very authentic very vulnerable relationship with my husband as well but for sure my friends continuing to push me knowing what my normal was being knuble to recognize that there was something very wrong and then continuing me and my friends just showed up yeah. They showed up on my front door. They texted me. They would call me and speak scripture over me praying over me. My friends just continued to show up even though they it didn't have depression even though they didn't have anxiety even though they didn't understand they saw their friend in their broken as and they kept showing up for me. I think that's really good and I love you said something that I think is so important is that when these times hits that is not the time to get deep vulnerable friendships because as difficult to do that but when we invest in our friendships when we invest in being vulnerable and other times then when this happens you have this foundation to stand and on you know it's almost like I'm not relating France to Jesus by any means but how Jesus talks about build Your House on the rock so that win the storms hit you have a firm foundation and it's Kinda. The same with friendships is it when we build our friendships that are based on truth that are based on speaking truth and scripture to each other and not letting each other kind of off the hook like Oh you know she's just drinking too much because she's really struggling right now but when we have friendships that are built on truth and trust then the storm comes they're going to be so helpful and it's hard to build those friendships in the midst of storm exactly and I think that that was the biggest thing for me was that and it wasn't just depression for me. Anxiety was just a whole who was a whole weather can of worms still is but when I would start to believe the lies that mine mine were telling me my husband and my friends would come up to me and say no Lorne you are not your depression. You are not these anxious thoughts. This is who you are in Christ and you are who you are because of what he's already done for you on the cross he has already gone and redeem your mind and so to have those words spoken over me when I couldn't speak them myself that changed everything for me. I love it. I love the the representation that you're doing of these really healthy. Friendships and I think that you know so many women desire those and I think what you and I would say is that those friendships take work. You know they take trust. They take vulnerable. I always think about the deepest friendships that I have they. They have come at both of us putting in the work of being willing to kind of go I both of us willing to bring our crap to the table as kind of like you kind of like bring it to the table and you kind of like think what are they going to say and then when they show up with love and Truth and grace race then you go oh I can bring that to the table next time as well because there's this record of people loving you in spite of your your problems your your anxiety or whatever that they still show up and so <hes> I think for women who are listening and you're like if only I have friends like Lauren Jamie talking about I do WanNa just encourage women that you do have to go fight for those friendships. You have to develop those friendships. They don't just happen overnight absolutely and I think that on another no as much as we were designed aimed for community God created us for friendship and relationship. We also have to remember that if we don't have our group of friends. We don't have our tried. I guess that's a really trying to say it. Nowadays we were created with a desire to belong God I and in these seasons where we're seeking out these friendships and we're trying to put ourselves out there and we keep coming up empty-handed. God is the greatest companion right now we spent so much time waiting for him to to show up and bring us friends the we forget that he's been right here with us all along and so in these seasons of loneliness and isolation may be as another word I think a lot of women feel isolated when they don't have friendships it's not not just this rejection by the father but it's this opportunity to lean into him and be known and loved fully and perfectly known and loved by him and when we have that it totally gives us the freedom to authentically then be ourselves elves and then make those vulnerable friendships that craving so badly I love it. That's so good. It's such a reminder that you're already truly known in loved for who you are before any friend ever does it to you. Yes so good okay. I WanNa talk about something else with you. You told me that your your word for the farm. This year is contentment into your pick a word every year. That's kind of this overarching thing for your family for your business for everything for our business and just for me personally okay the word for from blacktop took Rhode. This year is contentment and we are just focusing on seeking contentment in Christ in light of our circumstances. That is the one thing that women continue. I mean I get thousands of emails from women just like you do every single year saying this is my situation and the these are the emotions I'm feeling we can strive for contentment and Christ no matter what our situation is and I think that the desire to have contentment be the word for twenty nineteen has has come from the struggle with depression anxiety and finding contentment in my fears in my darkness where there have been times where I found myself face down on the ground not knowing if I can get back up I have still open able to cling to my mustard seed faith and find that contentment that I was created to have no matter what my circumstance was that I think is one of probably one of the biggest battles I think women are facing right now is contentment like you said in light of their circumstances and I think that there is this false idea that if we're not thriving you know we're not surviving and I think there's this weird thing with the word thriving. I'm kind of investigating ESA getting this in my own life so I'm a verbal processor so here we go like I think we had this idea of thriving equals this. Everything's awesome. I'm killing it at everything. I'm climbing the ladder. My kids are amazing. My marriage is awesome and I think sometimes those things can be hard and we can still be thriving in our life because like Paul says and Philippians that we can do this because of God's strengthen us and so I'm investigating this thriving contentment thing just like you are of what does that seen to be thriving in life when life is really hard you know and I think that's where a lot of women sit is because something will go off and then they'll realize I'm not happy or how do I live in this world. You said years was Kinda brought on by this depression anxiety the season that you spent in and you probably maybe still am still exactly so how do you fight for contentment like contaminate your word and you want it. How do you fight for it and I love that you brought up the word fight for it because that's really what you have to do? I think that when we think of contentment we think of this peaceful tranquil feeling but for me contentment is it is long and it is drawn out and I do have to sometimes physically a fight for the contentment of Christ in my life one of the the thing that I tell women over and over again and we do this every single week on Tuesday mornings at coffee at the farmhouse is we dive into scripture and what does God's word have to say specifically about <music> out the emotion and the situation that I am struggling with because I think more often than not we don't believe that God's word is applicable to our lives in the here and now but I'll tell you what Jamie God's Word Speaks Truth and it speaks perfect perfect promises over every single situation that I'm feeling and because of that I can rest. I can rest in his sovereignty over my life and I can rest in contentment knowing that his will and has plans for my life are perfect. I just have to be able to trust yeah so do you think contentment starts with trust. I think that contentment starts with surrender okay. I think that it starts to surrender. Surrendering of my perfect plans yeah. I think that's what ultimately comes down to. Who is we have these unrealistic expectations of perfection of our own saw made perfection or maybe even perfection that somebody else's projected onto us and we feel like that is if I can just reach this next level if if I can just lose ten pounds or get a haircut or get a new house or have a baby in my arms then I'm going to finally find the contentment but all of those things are rooted in what things that I can do things that I'm in charge of things that I want but when I looked to Christ iced and I look to what he's done on the Cross for me in spite of what I deserve in light of my sin in light of my messy nece Pan? That's where I can fight contentment might my issues I guess maybe even more with discontentment <hes> the hardest this and really just be able to find contentment at the foot of the cross knowing that it just covers it covers every insecurity and every source of discontentment in my situations that I have so good and I mean as you're talking. I remember our pastor faster previous. Past Sunday was Easter when we're recording this and he talked about Jesus going to the Cross and <hes> the garden of guests when Jesus you know he's there and he's he's praying and this is apples or fallen asleep when he praised three times times Ascott like if this can go away and you know and then he finally says three times not my will but yours be done and when he preached about that sermon he talked about how it is like that with us to is that there are so many times that we have when and you said the word surrender. It made me think about that we have to go. This is not what I it's not what I would kind of. Want you know this is not what I would desire but got. I want everything you want for me. I WANNA follow that takes that surrender and then another set of trusting that is good and then contentment and I love that I've never thought of surrender as I am so thank you for that today yeah and I think you know God's will for our life include suffering. Sometimes you know John Sixteen thirty three Jesus says in this world you. Will have suffering broken is a guarantee in our lives. Jesus warned us about it and so for me to find contentment in my suffering for me personally in my depression an M._i._S. anxiety it is my joy way to be obedient. Just like Jesus was obedient in his death on the Cross and so it's my my life's greatest calling is to be obedient in my suffering to follow Jesus in that way that's good one. One of my favorite versus says that suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope amen which cannot be put to shame and I think about that when you said that and I think that's a really hard kind of theological truth people grass their head around is that this idea of God would make us suffer or he would put us through suffering or we would have to do this and I think we live in a very broken world and there is suffering but when I think about what you just said that it's so true is suffering produces something in us that cannot be produced without it and I want to produce those things you know now as a Mama. Oh Gosh I'm like. Can we not God. Can this not apply to my children. Can they not have to suffer in this world like we would take everything from them if they didn't have to suffer but it's also got builds character in our kids exactly I think so often to we want to protect our kids from any type of fire or suffering or broken nece and my kids that are very different stage than yours are. I'm still in the parenting of really teeny tiny little gifts mhm but also with this depression with his anxiety. There are a lot of times that my kids see my broken nece. I don't want them. I don't want them to see that. <hes> there's a lot of times where my kids have seen me all my closet floor having panic attack and daddy's not there to take them to the other room and sit with them until my medication can start to work or until I can <hes> pray through all of these thoughts and try and slow my breathing down but there is no greater responsibility that we have as parents then to model surrender in our broken is to our children because we're not gonNA model that for them then who's going to for not going to model forgiveness and repentance in some of those situations with them because there have been times in my anxiety where it's been my sinful anxiety not not my clinical anxiety but my sinful anxiety and my worry that has taken over and I have projected that onto my kids and I've had to get down on my knees and ask them for their forgiveness but in that broken nece in that suffering we have this opportunity to model Jesus and redemption to our kids and of we're not GonNa do that for them. WHO ELSE IS GONNA show it to them? So what you're saying is God can use our broken appoint our kids to Jesus absolutely our friends. I know you're loving my conversation with Lauren but Lemme think two of our sponsors that make today's show possible. The first sponsor I wanNA think is Flamingo. Flamingo was founded by collective of women who work at Harry's they saw an opportunity to create a better hair removal solutions for women and that is where Flamingo comes in. It's bodycare starting with hair. y'All I love this razor. It's been a little over two months that I've been using flamingos shave set in razor and when I started to feel that it might be time for new Blade I remembered that my shave set came with an extra blade. Yes I am so happy that Flamingo tape set came with an extra bladet. My legs were happy with the closeness of a shave and then gentleness of their foaming Shave Gel. 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If everyone bought one used item instead of a new one for a year ear we would say five point seven billion pounds of carbon dioxide emissions that is one of the reasons I love threat. Threat Up is the world's largest online consignment thrift store there automation to get people to think secondhand I with the ninety eighty percent off on trend brands like reformation Kate Spade Nike and Free People. It's easy to say stylish and sustainable on a budget plus threat up is offering our listeners special offer for an extra thirty percent off your first order when you go to thread up dot com slash Jamie. That's thirty percent you guys off. They're already discounted prices so you can get that free. People Dress that you've been I n over on threat up shopping with red up is always fun because there is new merchandise available always always if you're following me over on instagram. You know that I've been living in that green and floral dress that I got late spring. I warned in Italy just a couple of weeks ago. Also I love how reasonably priced items are you can get fabulous prices at up to ninety percent off regular retail for a limited time. They're offering our listeners an extra thirty percent off your first order. When you go to threat up dot com slash Jamie? That's threat up dot com slash Jamie T. H. R. E. D. U._p.. Dot Com Slash Jamie for an extra thirty percent off today. Jake terms apply okay. I'm GONNA I'm going to switch gears here for a minute and talk about something a little spicy k. k.. You told me about this so you said that one thing you love talking to women about is how they can have redemption in the bedroom. Yes they can girl. Let's go here because it's the happy hour and that's the things that my girlfriends and I talk about a happy hour out. Chick allow there. You go okay so what's happening in your life that you've seen this kind of need or have you and your husband Eric had some difficulties in the bedroom that alleged to talk about this so what's redemption in the bedroom. Look like Lauren so redemption in the bedroom is goes all the way back to genesis okay because we were created as husbands and wives to have this beautiful union this beautiful sexual relationship with one another and then what happens in entered the picture and sex became broken sex became shameful full. We were ashamed in our nakedness. It goes all the way back to genesis where that starts but for me and Eric personally a lot of it started after having kids for us. You know there's a lot of parts of me that are here now that didn't used to be there before my body has inflated deflated and shifted and Change and so I really struggled with being naked and I know my husband. There were a number of months after having our second child Andy. I just remember shutting adding the lights off. Every time we went to have sex I was. I was mortified for him to see me naked because I just have this idea again this idea of perfectionism. What does our culture fetus? It's supposed to be that you're just supposed to turn to this beautiful sex unicorn corn all of a sudden after taking care of kids all day and you're supposed to make it happen. It's supposed to be hot and steamy and you're supposed to feel all the fields well that wasn't happening for me and so one of the things that has really transformed our sex life is praying over over our sex life in bed together. I remember the very first time that Eric did it when I came out to him and I said I am ashamed. I'm so embarrassed free to see me naked and I don't want to have sex and because of that I'm not having orgasms. I'm not into it. I I know you're feeling that sexual tension as well and so he there we are laying naked in bed together and he wrapped his arms around me and he just spoke God's truth over me and he prayed that are sex life would be redeemed and restored. He prayed paid for great sex. I mean you can do that. Who praised for great sex but I'm telling you what it changed everything for us? One of the other struggles that we've had is that my antidepressants have really changed our sex live so I before being on antidepressants I could have an orgasm and it felt wonderful. I could do it fairly easily but then when I was on my antidepressants like I still am May and Mile Obidos gone way down and so we've had to talk through that we've had to try different positions. Try Different things but here's the thing we can't ever redeem our sex life if we don't have vulnerability with our husbands to say this doesn't feel good or does Hatfield good for you if we're not honest in our conversations in and outside of the bedroom. We're not going to have the sex life that God longs for us to have because here's the thing we are fearfully and wonderfully made that includes all of our sex parts and God if God designed us to give have an enjoy sex we should be able to work on it and I think that it's important to him so here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking people are listening right now and they're going. I feel the way Lawrence ascribing low libido. Don't WanNa be naked overnight has banned. Don't really let my body right now does even matter like we're just gonNA like. I don't even care her. I think that is where it's so easy to go because you've got all these kids and I've said this before on the show is Mama's with little kids sex's difficult because you're tired. You've got kids around you all day. I've said before parenting teenagers. It's even more difficult because they're always awake and they you're tired from other things. I don't think there's ever time where you're like. This has gotten easier until I imagine they're all gone but my question for you is that's. Why is it worth fighting for because I thought like that's where I can see women? Getting stuck is just realizing. Does this even really matter. Do you know what I'm saying. Some forty it could be very easy get into a Rut of it not mattering and I fight for our sex life because it's difficult with four teenagers and crazy lives and parents traveling all those kind of things I guess my question is just like how do we you and I how do we encourage women that it's worth fighting for uh-huh. I think that we have an authentic desire to love our husbands right with the love of Jesus we can extend that love to them and a lot of different ways by serving serving them by loving them by affirming them by being the wives that were called to be to them but that also includes who God created us to be sexually to them. I think that it's one thing for us to say. Okay okay honey not tonight. I'm tired like I get that there are nights. Where Eric will we always joke because he'll leave his lamp night his <hes> nightstand lamp that means that means I want it like a light system and he'll leave it on and we'll just be laying there in bed and that's kind of my cue and there's nights where I'm like honey? I'm sorry you're going to have to shut the light off tonight like it's just been a day and there and there is something to that are husband should be able to know and respect <hes> when we can't do it that night and so our desire to meet our husbands needs and have our own needs mets because we it's not just their needs that need to be met. It's our needs you and I think sometimes as women were almost ashamed to say why want better sex live or I want it to be this way. We should be willing to fight for it not just because God created it but because there is an actual need for both of us to experience yeah. I think it's good that you said for both of us too because I know plenty of people who they're the wives are sex more than the husband's you know and so there's this that's where I think as a mutual vulnerable discussion between a husband and wife and I I agree because there have been seasons in our life where life is hard. Life is busy. You're traveling and sex just can't happen as often because of circumstances are out of our control and that's when I feel as though and I can get a little bit kind of nitpicky with each other her or things that are nothing can become larger than they should and then we have sex and it's like oh I feel so much more unified with you I could not before I could not agree with that more. I mean if it's been a few days as for us. Eric and I kinda start to just get that like what you said that nitpicky just that that discontent that Oh like no. I'm I'm not going to serve you. I'm not going to have it good attitude towards you but yeah then you go and do it and there you go the ball game there you go so I think it's I love that. You're having this conversation because I would say that. Probably the majority of women would struggle with feeling what you have described <hes> that you felt before <hes> so y'all if your mayor if you're married caps actually your this week go do it. <hes> okay one of the things that I know that you're struggling with right now is finding this work life balance and I think that is a common thing for women across the board married with kids. Nothing like like that work life balance. I loved watching your family and action on the video that the today show did have you guys first of all you could not have been cuter making dinner for your husband and then taking out to him on the tractor. I was like this is the cutest thing I've ever seen is real life every day. You do that every day every day. You don't make a pie every day. I make a few buys a week or so impressed I so you take for dinner your husband on his tractor and you look so cute doing it. You make pies. You want to have sex with your man. You got three kids your blogging and writing your released a bug. I'm impressed with this pie. Making I love pies like there is nothing there's all I shouldn't say nothing. There is almost nothing. The slice of Pie in a cup of coffee will not he'll do you make your own crust so I do make my own cross a lot of the time but one of the things that will. Maybe talk about later is I love hills. Berry premade one of the things you're loving yes okay. You're so good and you love that. I think that we can take that as a thumbs up. Oh yeah totally and they're great because you can use them not just for the crest but you can then cut the pre made crusts and use them to lattice of your high is where you can do cut outs and decorate for Easter or cracker for Fourth of July awesome. What else can we say? Okay Flowers Mother's Day go on with that but my kids love making pie too and so it really is a fun thing that we enjoy doing together. It's a fun way because there's a lot of times where during planning and harvests like we're right in the middle or written the very beginning of planting actually right now and it's a fun way to teach the kids what serving looks like because there's a lot of times where women are like. I don't want to be the one to make the food and bring it out to them and clean it all up but that is my main job during the season of my life right now and I have the joy of serving my husband and I have a really important responsibility of modeling to my kids not that they have to do the exact same way but maybe more with the heart of Jesus have how to just just to love other people by serving them and so I get to do that with food I love that so much my daughter the other day said to me mom. Can we have a day were you and I spend the whole day in the kitchen baking game and I looked at her and I said if I had a list of everything I hated in life that would be at the very top and my whole family died laughing oh bless and so her Erin will do that. They will have the kitchen and cook. I can think of nothing more I would rather or not do with my life so everyone has their gifting and is so low on my list of gifting and enjoying. I don't enjoy cooking art anything. It stresses me out anxiety but they have their deaths so he'll do that with her but it was kinda funny sounds like being a mean mom when I say that to her but everyone laughed because they know mom is not the one you want to spend a day in the kitchen with but that's the beauty of motherhood and being a wife is that everybody's family looks different and so my thing that I'm good at or enjoy might not be your thing but man man you might have this whole other handful of things that you are amazing at that. I just plain lame at doing and so there's no right way to do it. You just do your thing but I seriously very impressed with your pie making and so I'm Gonna I'm going. I'll let you know how impressing but you talk about this work home balanced because you are one of your main jobs right now is taking care of your babies in this season of life with the planting is taking care of your husband in more ways than maybe a normal year but you're also blogging. You spend every Tuesday Tuesday doing this phenomenal group on facebook and you're just released a book. How are you balancing all of those things because the answer is? There's no such thing as balanced but tell me how you're doing it. I like to call balance the B word out real. It's not it's not real and I have just come. I'm a recovering perfectionist. I'm a three on the ground okay good to know and so I like things to be a certain way. I'm definitely an achiever and so for me. I had to come to realize that I cannot do all of the things well all the time and they're they're has have been seasons in my life where I have tried to do everything and do it really well and everything was just really mediocre her or does not good at all and the people who suffered where the people who are closest to me it was my husband and my kids and my own self that suffered and so for me during seasons like planting like we're in now and harvest. They are just some things that I have to say no so I just I find myself at least twice a year in a season of no I don't sign up for anything extra that I don't have to I sometime say no to some things that are good so that I can say yes to things that are better and that has been something that has been an evolving practice for me and I've just really had to rely on the Lord's discernment for that and just spend a lot of time in prayer and saying. Do I say yes to this or do. I you say no and this isn't just with big things. This is in little things like am. I GonNa wash the sheets today. We'll actually no. I don't have time to do all that laundry today so it's GonNa get put off a few days and learning again to be content with things not being my way all the time and so this is just something that the Lord my whole life has been working and chipping away these hard pieces of my heart but it's learning that I just have to say no to some things now also I can say the thing yes to things that are better down the road. I was listening to her pike cash yesterday by Laura Casey and it was once she did on how to plant a garden you know how Lower Casey as she always takes how to make a garden and then she makes it about your life and Jesus and she was talking about the first time she ever built a garden. Pardon or planet a garden she went and bought every plant she could possibly think of and just put them all together and cram them all in there just got everything because they all look beautiful and they all looked wonderful and then it didn't work because it was too many and she made the analogy if we do that with our lives is we you just say yes to everything and then everything suffers and I think that when you can get to a point in your life where you can realize I have certain things that are always going to be yes and then there are certain seasons where I'm going to have very few yeses that comes with maturity and so that comes with learning the hard way too especially recovering perfectionist like yourself is that you have to learn like you said that people are going to get hurt around you and so I think that one of the things that we can remember as women like you just said so beautifully. Is that with every yes. There's no to something thing you know and so with every no there's a yes some that we have to figure out what matters I did. A couple years ago I read Lisa Turks Book <hes> the best yes but it kind of pushed me into making a category of these things are going to be a yes if it doesn't fall under that it's a no and that's a hard thing to do. It is because I think for some reason we just feel this guilt when we say no. I'm letting someone down or I'm not being the best version of myself but ultimately psych in light of eternity to this really deep matter at the end of the day no it it really doesn't and the hearts of my kids and the heart's on my husband and my own peace within my own soul that should be that should be the thing that has always at the top of my us as much as my ministry as important as much as writing. These books are important and doing all these other things. It's like man if my family is suffering because of it. It's just not worth it so true. I am the same way girl <hes> okay speaking of books you release a book called midnight lullabies moments a piece for MOMS as a thirty one day devotional which the cover is beautiful in it pretty tell me where this was birthed out of midnight. Lullabies was birthed out of of my walk with my depression anxiety. There really wasn't anything tangible from faith perspective that caused me to take a step back and work through the emotions of my own heart through the Orlands of the Gospel and so there was just this huge desire for me to have that for myself but then how can I get that into the hands of other women and help them have their motherhood be redeemed through London Jesus well it is beautiful and I know that <hes> I'm a fan of it already because you're talking about real things through the Lens of the Gospel and I think there are a lot of people who are talking about real things but there's no gospel and so we both know that with no gospel nothing changes exact so check out the book sobe. You already told me one of the things are loving pillsbury crust. Yes which you can also make all kinds of things for Easter bodies and mother's Day as firecrackers. Oh crackers. What else could you make you can make a Pumpkin? You could make ours for the fourth of July Stars Okay so you're loving that tell me that other things you're loving so I am loving my Hobo purse then my habit what he needed what visit Hobo Oh hopefully the brand and it's leather and it's beautiful. I have a few of them in different colors and they clean so well like for with little kids. It's great because I can take it out and I can clean it. It doesn't have too many pockets on the inside and it's great because I can bring it out for a nice date night or I could substance use it as a diaper bag but I love that brand you can also fit a computer in there. I'm not saying that heater in their carry my computer my personal lot uh-huh okay so cool and I'm assuming they have lots of different colors lots and different sizes and they're awesome Hobo I love what else do you loving. I am loving. It's a ten miracle lieven hair product not just for me but for my kids so if you've ever seen my farm babies you know that my girls have really long blond hair and just like mine and it gets really Changli out in the middle of nowhere we have a ton of wind and so whenever we get out of the shower we just spray that stuff on our hair and it smells so good and it takes all the tangles and all the Frizz Away I love it. It's like my very favorite hair product and I don't go away without putting it in my hair. Wow can you put it in your hair dry. Yes you can put your hair dry yeah. It's awesome. How how many days can you go without washing your hair? Not Very many. I'm aggressor. I am to get real greasy. I can I can usually go to sometimes three but I haven't really founded dry shampoo that I love love of either at the struggles real yeah it is it is I'm with you girl. I have some friends I have one friend who she's super curly hair and I think that matters the texture of your hair yes and she can go longer than a week. I wish she could do that. It's like a hair Unicorn exactly she's not sex Unicorn. She's a hair Unicorn. She could go longer than a week. What are you reading these days? I am reading the divine mentor by Wayne Cordeiro. I've read it twice in the last four four months. That is so good. You must love it. I can understand. I'm not a twice reader book but in four months tell me why you love it so something that I've just really been praying about in craving for the last year is to have a new mentor in my life. That's one thing that I talk talk about midnight. Lullabies is how important had is have mentors in our lives and to be a mentor and so just looking for somebody to disciple me I just kept coming up empty-handed and really defeated wanting somebody new in my life and the Divine Mentor reminded me that I have the greatest mentor in the God of the Bible and in the characters of the Bible and M. I.. Willing in my need for and my desire for a mentor here on on Earth that I forget that I have all of the teaching that I need in garden his word and so the dementia was a really easy read for me. It was very practical gave a lot of really good tools just for me to sit at the feet of Jesus every day and be mentored by him and just be filled with his spirit and be reminded that in my waiting as got as preparing somebody for me to be that mentor or to disciple me that I can just resting God in who he is isn't that he still is going to teach me while I'm waiting and so it's just been a great reminder for me. I love it <hes> okay. I have a question for you. Yes that I didn't prepare you for Eloy winded midnight lullabies release April Ninth April ninth wrote in April released. Are you in writing anything else. I am in the middle of writing the story of from blacktop dirt road. Hey Yes so our trade book <hes> Okay and then also a follow up to midnight lullabies with follow up GonNa be. It's going to be a devotional devotional but from the Lens of marriage instead of motherhood okay so midnight lullabies moments a piece for marriage or something like I mean I'm not saying that but it's going to be yeah they entertain marriage carriage based. That's awesome yeah. Congratulations thank you which is super for exciting yeah right in the middle of writing. It can be a hard time so I wish you all the best with that Lauren. I have love chatting with you today and I'm going to put all the links for people to go find your book. Read your blog. See your video on today's show and also can you tell us about what you do on Tuesdays because I have seen it before but I want people to know about it. Yes so on facebook on my facebook page from top to dirt road every Tuesday at ten A._M.. Central Standard Time we we do coffee at the farmhouse and we basically just talk about motherhood through the Lens of the Bible and what does God have to say about the situations were walking through specifically this year we had mentioned that we're talking about contentment. So how do we truly find contentment in Christ giving women the biblical knowledge and the biblical tools to really do their motherhood well and to just walk in all of the promises and all the truth that got has for them so that's what we do on Tuesday mornings. It's they become a really great community of women and even some men who are starting to join in and so it's just been really neat to see how God has been working through that the past couple of years. I love it so I'll put the Lincoln the show notes for you guys. I'm Lauren. Thank you for coming on the happy hour. Thanks for having me. Thank you threat out for making the show possible. Threat Up is the world's largest online consignment thrift store they make it easy to stay on Trent and on budget with up to ninety percent off top brands like reformation mation Nike Free People and more all from the comfort of your own home. I think that's one of my favorite things you guys. I love shopping online but here when you shop with red up you're never GONNA pay full price again and you're going to shop guilt free with right up. Get an extra thirty percent of your first order at threat dot com slash Jamie. That's threat up T. H.. R. E. D. U._p.. Dot Com Slash Jamie for an extra thirty percent off today terms apply. I loved meeting Lauren when she came down to Austin and sat at my tiny house and we did this interview view. I loved learning more about her story. You guys might enjoy her Tuesdays at ten A._M.. Coffee at the farmhouse that she does on facebook find her over there enjoying her on that also be sure you check out Lawrence blog from blacktop to dirt road where she writes all about faith farm an old fashioned homemaking her new book midnight lullabies moments. A piece for MOMS is available now. We're books are sold. Today's show is edited by Chris with pod Shaper and the music was developed for the show by Matt Graham show notes as always written by a piece lockers and this whole thing is always organized by Lindsey Sweeney next week. My guess is my friend. Kim Lewis Kevin I met through mutual friend here in Austin and I have loved getting to know her. We talked about loss forgiveness and how God killed her through or painful divorce and the beauty. She's found interesting all along the way you're going to adore her and you're going to be so encouraged by her story. You guys enjoy your week. Share this show with the girlfriend and have a happy hour the friend I was you guys back here next week with my friend Kim Lewis.