Gary Gulman Returns

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

You Walk You made it weird with the homes. Look what's happening Weirdos exciting news right up top. I've finally announced my two thousand nine hundred ninety. Two Thousand Twenty stand up tour kicking off this weekend in Denver which I'm so happy to say is sold out. I'm excited to see you guys this this weekend. we have a bunch more date. Some of them just got announced. I'm going to be in Washington. DC At the end of October and in November number. I'll be in Connecticut and Boston there's GonNa be more Boston chose added. I'm doing the comics come home show which is going to be amazing and and then there's also going to be a solo show which we haven't announced yet but those will all be on Pete Holmes Dot Com. I'm also happy to say that New York going to be a New York where where's that. It's going to be on the website go to Pete Holmes Dot Com New York. DC Connecticut Boston and as we add the dates they'll all be nice and easy on Pete Holmes Dot Com hope to see you out there. I'm very excited about this new our and we will see you on the road super stoked for that speaking of Super Super Super Soaked. This is Gary Goldman one of my dear friends he's done the podcast before he has a new special actual which premiers October fifth on Hbo it's called the Great Depression it's Standup intercut with these wonderful vignettes of Gary exploring his I guess you could say battle. Battle with depression is a good way to put it. He struggled with depression his whole life and he's opening up about it in a very very beautiful poignant and important way in the special but most importantly it's super super hilarious. He's as I tweeted the other day. He's one of the greatest comedians ends alive. I think he's an incredible writer and we had such a fun time in this podcast just talking. It's basically it's one of the least formal I guess we've ever done. It was suggest like we were hanging out and that is obviously a goal for this show to have this natural so I'm super excited about it and hope to see you on the road but be sure to watch wjr Gary special one of my hiccuping and the Andro sound like my dad burping during a meal. That's a millennial anyway. here are the Pete's pick says you guys know I support this show by doing ads just for any old product I do Pete's picks which are actually products that absolutely us and love and have changed my life for the better so I can give you an earnest endorsement of these things and if you like him you can try them and that is a wonderful way to show your support of the show. The first original Pete's pick. I'm holding right here there. It is Charlotte's web hemp oil it is. CBD Oil I know CD sort of everywhere but Charlotte's web. What is the most reputable company the most ethical company that I found that grows hamp for human consumption cause I always say it's not just mass boss combat anonymous they grow it for medical purposes for humans to ingest in oil form it CBD which means they you you science to remove the THC is obviously the part of the plan to get? You stoned gets you intoxicated takes you out of the game unless you're game is eating jacks and watching three's company. TACB is a product that I was hoping for the first time I used him in any form I was like I wish there was something like this that would elevate mood lower my anxiety but wouldn't take out of life. I want to still be able to read a book. I still want to be able to work. I want to be able to focus yes. I want to be able to communicate. CD exactly that for me speaking anecdotally it is wonderful when I travel. It is wonderful when I'm working. It's anytime that I'm under a a great deal of stress. I'm just feeling a little bit of a rigidity a little bit of a calcification in my brain and my spirit I take to lighten my mood makes me smile. Easier makes me laugh quicker. like I said mood elevating anxiety reducing it is a wonderful wonderful plant ally and I love it and and the best way to to know about it. Try It the kind that I use the original formula. It's a little bit more expensive but you can literally just take a couple of drops. I get the mint chocolate flavor tastes like a thin mint makes you feel better than thin meant and they even make bombs you can get hemp on you topically for soothing the skin and and just wonderful overall goods. CD Feeling Show your support of this show and try something new. I hope it works in the way that does for me go to. CW HEMP DOT COM com slash weird and use Promo Code keep it crispy nineteen and you'll get ten percent off your purchase the other one I just record a podcast and I hadn't eaten all day is Catava. I literally had thirty seconds to make a meal and I didn't want to be hungry as you know. This is a long podcast so I took a shaker bottle. I filled luth water through in Kochava and I I'm still full. We just did a two and a half hour podcasts. I still feel full still clear. I don't have the jitters Ernie any hunger pains and all I had was catava. It's a superfood drink mix made with the most exotic nutrient rich superfoods that they they've been been revived revived revered by tribal cultures for centuries. The catava people literally went into the Amazon to find these foods and made a a superfood. It's just a bag of everything that you need. It's like a meal in a pill. It keeps you full for hours. A lot of people use it for weight management. I like it because it's hard to find healthy food when I'm traveling but for people that don't know how to start eating plants. They're curious about eating more plans to curious about getting more nutrition attrition through superfoods could chop is a wonderful place to start because it actually tastes amazing make chocolate they make vanilla. They put it in powdered coconut milk in there so title mixes with the water makes it creamy they put in cash cow. Obviously in the chocolate gets a chocolate wonderful. You can make with almond milk to which is even greater in my opinion thrown some frozen strawberries and some on milk tastes like strawberry chocolate ice cream but the best part is it's good for you. It's not just some nonsense or drinking. It's one hundred percent plant based. It's got eight super fruits. It's got Chia and flax which is going to give you a mega. Three fatty acids got seventeen Greens liens and veggies seventeen gluten free soy free. There's no artificial sweeteners or preservatives tomatoes coconut nectar. Which is why it's a little bit sweet but it's just a little amount and it's a low glycemic sweetener so it's not going to spike your blood sugar? It's Got Digest Digestive Support Twenty four grams of plant based protein and nine grams of fiber fiber and it actually tastes amazing. This is what I have often sometimes for dinner often for breakfast and yeah if you're nasty haven't for lunch to it's a wonderful way to eat healthy especially if you don't know where to start if you want to see how your body responds to some of these plant based is that people talk about could Chavez a wonderful way and and you can get twenty percents off go to Catava. Could you ever K. A. C. H. A. V. A. dot com slash weird. You'll get twenty percents off and show your support of this podcast all right be sure to watch Gary Coleman one of my favorite people in the world October feth on HBO and Ed Please go to Pete Holmes Dot Com and come see me doing stand up Washington. DC Fairfield Connecticut Boston mass and The New York Comedy Festival Tickets Guitar Available Now at Pete Holmes Dot Com in the meantime enjoy my dear friend Gary Coleman Gary Goldman get into it and I wanted to do a series of arch nemeses hugging cool things. It's funny that Kehinde late I- garold I was GONNA fuck sake get all this record. I wanted people to hear what it sounds like. When you're starting a podcast donut the grit Alva Sabi I was in here laying right where you are now? I sometimes just hanging out in here and I was like I'm going to take some of this shit down. I don't like the self serving doing like I did. I realized that you have to the guests. Look at a Wall Street Journal thing about the trade baby take that down. They get that out of here. I'm going to take it down. 'cause I realized I don't like when I go to other people's People's houses and they have their awards and accolades. It's not that I don't like it. I just I don't need it. Wow I hadn't thought about how I I feel about that. I do know that I do have a live concert poster and I've hidden it in the bedroom behind behind the bookcase so that nobody would see it except me when I go to put laundry in the half. I feel like that's different in our we call it the kosher kitchen. I don't want people walking into my apartment and seeing me me me me me me. That's what I'm cooking the same meal yeah. We're eating it differently but I have a show poster in the house. I don't find that to God isn't the deep house cool someone made it. Oh Wow that's cool image and if you look closely it's a poster for a show of mine for some reason. I'm okay with that just straight out. I don't know there's there's just like I kind of have an anti hoarding. Just let it go. The the new GIG learned late night move on ny like that. It's under a member but doesn't need to be on the wall. I think so oh Gerald you love me too good. Yeah I yeah you're just York. FM Times that doesn't do anything for you like let let me I mean this is a champagne issue but I wanted to okay so champagne issue so I have a good Gary. Goldman your special right. I they have a billboard up paths. You went to his voice. His voice is that Pesto like uh-huh shot Joe derosa by the way who he's the one who pointed out billy's to do shows joe and Joe would do him before and it would kill Jazz. Joe's bill is one of the best things ever. Have you ever seen tyler fishers bill Burr I haven't. I don't think I've Seen Tyler Fisher on my gosh. He does bilberry Boston teaching a master class us. He's a New York. I know from New York and it's on the money really. Is that a series of videos where you were in Oh oh yeah that was jail who does Louis Ck School of comedy where he tells children's jokes and he goes seven afraid of eight because fucking eight nine seven eight nine. I fucked it up but he would do all the classic jokes is Louie that that video was fucking perfect perfect jail jail Calvin C C a n look it up and then Tyler Fisher. I feel like we're overdue. Oh for a masterclass skewering I mean it seemed like there was an interesting opportunity to poke fun at Louis. You know what I mean rife life. I've been watching Gary Goeman clothes all day so like really you're such a delight. just start with the good shit. You're so good as I said when I saw you at at Largo but you have such a like a natural it's not forced you have a love of language I saw in your special and then you did on Conan a bit. That's on your special and there's it doesn't work as well on Conan because it was just like a cold crowd. You were fantastic a great clip. This is not you that passive aggressive community. It's a great clip. The audience isn't great and you said it was fraught and then they didn't really laugh and then you wait Laflin offline it is a Laflin. I think it is that they didn't laugh and your special they laugh because they know you and Gary. It's what I call a Gary Being Gary Laugh. It's a personality yes. Oh my God that's really insightful and it goes to have Chattan Pete being look. I need more. No that's not true you can't have enough off but that goes to that old myth that that Seinfeld crammed down our throats many years ago that only gives you five minutes famous Ramos Really. I said that everybody WHO's at your show their favorite thing is you yeah and that's okay. It's okay to ride that. Don't tell me you're only getting five minutes. It's I quoted that yesterday saying Oh. When Rainn Wilson did this yesterday was like aren't they just excited that you're there and I was like well first of all? I'm not on a huge network. Show like you said it's a smaller number. That's true right secondly. I quoted as thirty seconds but you're right. It's fine. I thought he quoted a lower number. Maybe I don't know maybe he gave himself so I loved watching your special just because you have watched it I well there was a little snafu. See carry on Conan you went it was fraught and they don't laugh and went fraught with what you added a line because I saw just the flames and you're not not anger flames mischievous. I'm driving the car. You guys just missed a road sign that I pointed out a billboard a billboard but I'm GONNA say it again to show you that. I haven't lost any ground here. It's a great moment fraught with what you double down. All your analysis. ooh Go and get me started on analysis. But what were we saying. I was saying that you want to the special and when you're doing it you're not ought you're not playing with scared money. I love watching you. There isn't that I don't know prickly. I don't mean to do bills voice here. We were just doing bill. Bill is absolutely one of my favorites for sure so I'm not putting down bill but sometimes I'll watch bill. It'll make me nervous because I'm like Oh. I got I got a fucking claw. Their throats like you got to claw their throats and then I watch you and I go it is another Seinfeld is another. There's so many any guys that remind Alexandro Yep that stand up Ken be more of a easy. It doesn't have to be like hey the buckeyes drinking who's drinking. WHO's drinking? There's something called the drink Lincoln I could say who's drinking is this you know what I mean in which is have fun and well. Don't you feel like that was a Boston thing you really had to grab the audience audience by the throat but also there was Roman. I think Steven Wright took advantage of this to the fullest where there was room to really stand out by being a little bit different. I'm from which is why he's a great or a lot different to use a BOT. You put Stevie right. I it's a in Boston. You know what I mean. He's a pinch hitter absolutely and Nat I used to look at the pinch hitters and I was like I'm not a pinch hitter. I'm a host that's. That's why the newly gig learned late night. You know what I mean hosting. I'm I send this face. I I have right come on. We got a great night. Good Stephen. It is great. I used to be a narrator for bad had mine one of the greatest sentences Jovi people when they're real voice saying it out loud. That's how I am with Menu Joke. Oh it's perfect. They are usually say caesarian section on this is Aaron section. You can't tell but every Winston Wilde when I leave the House I go out the window so brilliant isn't that great yes and because he's from Boston and because you and I are from Boston and and I want you to speak to this. I think we know what if I can hard town. It can be very exactly steven right so the fact that he's like the beloved son of Boston. I wonder how he feels about that. He did it against their will now. We all claim Stephen like we loved him right away going hang on after pretty much the blueprint of embassies which was Lenny Clark Yeah Yes yes just charisma in a flat top Lenny Clark. I'm not saying lending is not talented. Laughing off route risen and turning the crowd into an army that's exactly and then in Steven Reich goes on when I was growing up. I didn't think I was funny because I saw what made my father laugh and it was guys like Lenny Clarke. I think England great by the way that this is not anti now I just would sit with him. Yes and I've said there's a million on the PODCASTS. My parents are actually coming in today. If I feel like there's a vampire chasing. I feel like a little off. It's because there's an Indiana Jones Boulder landing at lax now it's deep claiming it's crushing. It's on its way to me. That's a great image GonNa Squash me as soon as it gets applying to ram one of the things I always felt felt that I missed about Indiana Jones and the raiders of the lost Ark is the big boulder. Yes No backstory hilarious. I'm realizing thing in Jeff. I think they do a gag where he runs and it follows him impossible place. Oh my gosh that's hilarious. It was F- Great Movie Ooh every rebirth that's what people think it is now because they have no concept of those channels from the TV thirty eight fifty six fifty fifty six with Paul Wagner with a Standup no-ball Wagner. Yes I knew him. Yes I can't starstruck. If I'm Paul Wagner. WWL Kids Club Yeah. He was a really sweet guy and then but the kids club and then Dale Dorman used to do some voice overs when I was a kid. These are comics that did local Boston they. They used to have these these great contests where where you would oh my gosh. I don't know what you would win but you would try to they. They were like word scrambles but the answer was like Marcia Brady. I send them in. I never one it's it's my favorite that was how that was one of the early ways to be funny and to do show Biz is I would write letters to the editor of like a video game magazine and try to get a gag. I've said this I've said everything on the podcast before in the game mortal Kombat Shout Xiaopeng I think is his name. He narrates it. He's the voice that goes excellent. Remember and you fight him at the end and he's the last guy you have to beat Goro the forearm guy. You're picturing him right claim h yeah oh my gosh so have you beat Goro very difficult you fight shout song or whatever show Zouk something and I wrote in what if Xiaosong narrated the fight you the fight with him and then I just put in quotes finish me. I thought that was so brilliant Gary only buddy. We have this in common. I wait around Boston seeing my dad laughing at letting Clark's me going finish me yeah and we both came out of that. I don't think it's a I don't think it's an accident like now. That sort of environment actually grows other types of comedy absolutely can't do that. How do you follow that I I I to this day? You'll see if you come to lunch with us. You're invited. I'm just kidding. You don't want to the only way I can make laugh doing an impression of him. That's Boston. If if I WANNA be easily over here what is ragged cork out in my high no way at at our stand up my my my Shaw Day your Hsieh all right yeah I just I wanted her to come see you. Oh is she coming. I hope so I don't know though are you gonNa lock the screen. I have anxiety now. I'm not gonNA lock screen screen. It's like putting a baby carriage on top of a car and driver. I know except you could order grown on Amazon all right. You're right you don't have to. I love that you made a choice. Do you want to know what my screensavers yeah. Let's see ever tried and failed no matter try again. Fail again fail better. I don't get ever tried ever failed whenever whenever you try you fail. I know that's a whole drainage. Try again. It's pitcher. You know it's funny. I love it. Yeah poetry gets away with a lot. Oh Oh my God. What are you saying you said or yeah or over? What were the it's it's in the Star spangled banner or or the or the ram parts? Yeah and most people think it's or org but we know that it's shortened over its apostrophe yard. It'll never take these are Gary Oldman at that Pesky v out of appear slowing down that Pesky v Outta here. I won't comment to you. If I were Jeffrey Ross I would bump your mic right now. Now do steal a Dick's. That's exactly what it is. He's stealing steal and steal it as yeah but that is the when we were at Largo. We're all like Gary. Coleman is the fucking greatest one of the greatest of all time and we were all me Tom Papa who's also a guy that makes me feel that way and he felt that way about you because we were just like what is going on here. You're shit is so tight you enjoy language anguish and you enjoy like I love your tweets. Your writing tweets thank you. It's just such a delight to see somebody that like can stay warm warm and human but still love to write up perfect joke well yet the depression anxiety humbles. You get it yeah. I I have to just growing up with with that. You never get too big for your Britches. When you know you could be cut down every any moment and internally two yeah yeah so that that that keeps you in check but that's it? That's it you said in the special that like the anxiety and depression made you work hard because you thought if I could could be excellent it's upright. I would feel better about myself yeah. That's what I thought the you don't feel that way formula wants to know and Bruce Springsteen cured me of that tells his autobiography in which this guy who worked harder than anybody including James Brown and achieved as much as anyone there's maybe there are people as big but there's nobody bigger than Bruce springsteen and he couldn't get out of bed at one point yes in his in his autobiography which I listened to two and he read from bed. I wonder if he ever did but he just it's as good as anything he's ever written. I mean hit us. Yes his recollection of his childhood is astounding yeah and and he puts together beautiful sentence and it was it just riveting but he said that he took anti depressants and he felt like himself again and wow which you and I ask. My Dad still thinks my dad. There are two things when I drank. My Dad thought I didn't drink Oh same way my dad just go the cigarette Grete in my mouth nonsmoke- that's fucking hilarious. Yes my dad. I could've finished a drink in the meal and my dad these leading questions it just you know drink and it wouldn't matter what you said so you might as well just be like. No Dad I smell of a Manhattan. I blow on a match and lights. I'd just you also thinks therapy is a weakness. He still thinks it's I really identified and fight with you and your mother's relationship I was close to my mom like you were coming up. I was like one of their girlfriends. Oh do yeah yeah. I was one of the golden girls. I don't know what's going on a stakeout of my mother's. What do you call a male mistress? If you're a woman and you have a guy that you're seeing being Schneider. It's based on Deuce bigalow. You go I ever Schneider okay. It's always been though pre it predates the movie. I'LL BE WANNA so I never saw this bigalow. Is it good okay melgen. I actually when I saw it. Gary Gary loves that. Do you think what came first. You're so funny right Gigolo. We need all times with Gigolo. Hello I ever care Deuce bigalow what he does doc someone writes pharmacy crossed out to bigelow bigelow bigelow hardener Gartner deuce bigalow male gardener. I haven't been tempted to make a t-shirt on this show for a while and yes. I'm putting down every other episode. Wow that's a great riff right so anyhow my mom's friend Inga Inga was she. She felt she was being cheated on by her equivalent her Schneider and so my mother but she waits Ingo is married great and English married and having an affair. Yes isn't that the right of the Schneider of course isn't that like by design you meet a Snyder and he's like yeah. We'll have some sneaky with you yeah and then you think man I know I know when a pillar of the community yeah the only mean thing when my wife cheated on me the only thing I said was it's actually a little on woke. I called the guy a thief life but that was me thinking was my possession. I was twenty eight. I was perfectly honest but I couldn't think of an insult so I was like what I was trying to say was how you know. He's not GonNa Cheat on you very old school yeah. I'm sure everyone I grew up in Boston was like happy. You let avid utilize that because that's like some fucking doc in red lodge. Why do you think Oh doing sandler? He don't that's all I had. She's not gotten the night and got some day and I snuck out in the night and got some D. It's perfect. I don't like it. I like it. Keep going well. The thing about men now is the worst thing you can be called as a as a cock which is short for for Cocu. Here's the interesting thing these guys were for for the most part not well read are are using this expression from its right out of your act right this thing. Is this bully. Having what isn't an acuity eh he had such a facility with with Shakespeare yeah but the cuckold is a is an obscure word yeah yeah and so they're reaching way back into. Maybe the well. I'm worried it's like Chapelle used to have a bit about the most most dangerous person in a group. I forget what it was. It doesn't matter I'm worried about the genius whose racist you mean. Bill Burr had a great bit about who writes these racist jokes. What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe canoes tip and he would tell that joke? I'm not saying that's a funny joke. I'm just saying but bill solid though that's what at at this point he goes. It's a great joke. The punchline rhymes like who is this racist who's hilarious also who were these raises in these homophobes ofo and all these different things that are like I. I believe that they exist. They're going deep. They find the word cuckold right. They spread it out to the foot to the funnies. They shorten it to cook yeah but I think what percentage of the men using cock to dismiss me. Are you specifically are they well. I got called that because of my political leanings and it's a it's a huge leap to go from being commonsense gun control advocate advocate to your wife cheating on you and you're okay with right. That's a really big leap and this Guy Wants Mental Jack Right Chris Kelly. She's got a Schneider Yeah your wife Scottish. Ida Company said you shouldn't have an assault rifle deer which brings me back to my mother taking me on this stakeout of Schneider with Anga. When I was like eight years old you did yes? I sat in the back seat of her nineteen. Seventy seven Chevy Bel Layer. Oh yeah it might have been early comedians in cars and he picks you up in the seventy seven belair and he's like I love the podcast I doc. We could go on thank out. Have you done Offi. Have you just take him out of the car. Stakeout is over uh-huh why the stakes are to have a successful stake in go down back steak. I know I've never done A. You're GONNA do it because this special. I don't know about all signed. Are I do but I know that Seinfeld Goes Bang but he doesn't like medians open wind up putting up one of the things I really want Seinfeld to do this podcast. I'm trying hard. I love him. I know you and I both love God and one of the things that he said on Comedians in cars that I disagreed with not that I'm like trying to corner corner him. Obviously right is that he said no one cares. If a bit is true or not and I was like yes we do and any references Richard Pryor talking to a crack pipe and it's about addiction and he's like it's funny because he's talking to a pipe. He says that I'm like if that's not true right. It's sucks. It's like it's just a different. I think he would just lay true that of course if it's not true. Why are you doing that material right? It's it's up funny because the pipe is talking. It's funny because this is a man bearing is I think he would have to agree. Yes I think he would just go. You know there's go- pros everywhere. We gotTA fill seven minutes. I'm talking to bury we gotta give on. I don't I so anyway. Cut that out. I'm just kidding. Oh it was joke. No don't Kinda no. I'm not gonNA kind of Oh. That was a joke yeah either so you went on and I didn't think you said anything that you should be no. I know the joke was is I'm going to say cut it out but we're not going to be titillating for the list right St Louis literally maybe he should build up how much all right all right. Let's go back yeah right there. They left the bit remained. Yes so you went on a stakeout out to see if you could find their Schneider Yeah and we saw leaving the woman's apartment and and in the movie I'm picturing either there buttoning up his shirt or putting on his belt now he was he was he was put together as walking jauntily out there he was an older man into was older than Inga but when you're eight years old who knows how old anybody that's so right if you forty one ancient yeah yeah yeah it's hilarious been an old man but yeah he was he was juggling quite a few middle aged women this Guy Yeah I wanNA movie about this guy and Inga lovely and what did she do. She confront them not that night. Not that night he spared you yeah but she had the goods on them and I think she confronted him and then we got you that are instantly developed see devices but they still advance the film right of course and they have the X. Focus Marks. Yes yes it but they just for a second of John of John. Gotti getting into a Cadillac. I know that my version of that was my mother would just be told I was her her friend. I was gentleman helper helper. She Complain About my dad. She'd tell me she's GonNa Kill my dad. I'm like should we telling me right even as a child. I was like this weird right. I mean but she you know she needed a friend also inappropriate. I WANNA I wanNA wear both shoes one shoe. She needed a friend and she loved me so well right to what was I supposed to do. I don't WanNa hear I couldn't put up a boundary build a boundary out of legos. I wasn't even dupleix really wow. Let me get my huge Legos and build a boundary mom like us. You could just feel that those were off brand. Those yeah like a fruit loop cereal like a fake lughnasa. I Dunno if you grew up with bristle brush bristle blocks Bristle blocks. Is that like a shredded wheat. No bristle box were block game but they they worked on. It's hard to explain you just gave me a memory and I bet that's GonNa give you a memory in. I think it was like third. Grade grows nameless Jenny. We were supposed to write our favorites. This is a heartbreaker okay but I bet it's going going to remind you of junior high because your bed about the water fountain and all this stuff it's wonderful and we were supposed to write are now that I have a daughter. I hate the story even more because this is somebody's sweet daughter named Jenny and we're supposed to write our favorite cereals on the board and she writes fruit loops. Now fruit loops spelled F. R. O. T. Yeah L. O. But of course we just learned how to properly spell fruit. She writes fruit. I didn't eat fruit loops. Were all laughing. We weren't bullies but we just like you. No you have nothing right. You're not right about anything yeah so we were just like. It's not just poor fucking this story but that's how us isn't it Kellogg's is very irresponsible. This is where kids are learning yeah. You're getting their fresh bright brains early in the morning is expel fruit and she was just being accurate. Where did she fall in class? As far as her grades and heard it was a very small class and I think she was kind kind of there was the top tier of the popular girls and maybe she was in the second tier. Do you think she knew how to spell fruit. Yes I do okay then. She was just it was just so accurate. It was and she paid a price for it. It's like it's not captain crunch. It's it's cap APP to you know. He's a great captain. You know that I had a I had a hand joke about of captive. I had a joke about that. That didn't make the special will about these these serial people manipulating us by convincing us that this guy was laid-back kind of kind of admiral and he's a cat. He's the captain but you know what he's so cool. We just call him. Captain is is in on that but again. Nobody knows how to spell captain because of fruit loop free loop and cabinet loops. This is where we alert. It's where I was supposed to learn. The fifty state tied the place map all right the freak states in their own little windows. That's a simpsons Simpson's line. Yes the forty eight and then to freak states not in Hawaii Alaska extent yes but they got their own little window. Now I swear your voice is so clear and fun that watch it just makes me WANNA go like they get their own little window Alaska peaking in their. You don't look below me. What does that candidate no? I don't know I'm with you. Guys word like Alaska is like the one baggy sock could barely on the foot of America wow that is I feel really WanNa joke. That is exactly what that is exactly what that's funny. Uh we both comedian laughed at that Oh my Gosh you could open with that on a Sunday night at the comedy connection in Faneuil Hall and you would own the audience for the rest of the time in their joey. Where's Joey Man? He booked the comedy connection and I've told the story many times. My Dad told me be aggressive. We grew up similar and it was just like you know be assertive. Tell them what I would call that club yeah three three times a day. Finally Joey answered the phone and was like this isn't how it works. I really do and then when I called Rick Jenkins at the comedy studio he he was the opposite one was like well. I'm so glad you called. What's Nice to meet? He's still back yeah he was he was stand up. Yeah and Joey was shot as he shot shot that she was going to the door. I shot a how are you is. How so great? Maybe I don't know. I don't know this doesn't Gary come to this house. I've only ever lived in one house. Oh then then yes. It looks different on the outside that live with eight yes to the gate yes. How's it going? Do you want to sit in. We don't have a chair. Do you want to get into the Sauna. You can get in the Saana. That's amazing. I didn't even notice the Sauna you did notice a lot of good things. Yeah you noticed noticed the photo of me and bill and then what else did you notice you notice something not great painting look at the painting he made of the Joker Hugging Batman. That's right. That's what we were talking so you know I'm in the new joker. Are you really yes. Who Do you play? I play Gary Coleman. He goes and sees comedy. Yes and really yes andriessen the trailer. It is yeah what do you do. You tell jokes yeah. I'm afraid to give too much away because of the NDA but but basically basically yeah right. I don't know I feel like you're you're safe. You didn't say anything no not really nothing that you couldn't get from the trailer in the trailer. I haven't seen the movie now. Oh my gosh. I can't wait for it. Though October fourth yeah I'm going to be in Denver and that's great because bell doesn't want to see it unless you alone awesome yeah steph right there all right yeah that is great road stuff going to the movies alone. Own is such great road stuff. Yeah yes to feel weird about Chad eight. You want anything. It's just interesting. Could she's right there and I know that you're with Bert Kreischer and the other day yeah but that's different it is. I'm going for the Pulitzer okay. I'm going for an MTV movie award Jay okay. We were talking about our parents. We were talking about coming out of Boston. Yes and how it what a rough place it is and then I guess we could get into the depression staff Steph if you feel like it. Did you see the opening of the did you see the opening of the Great Depression. I did okay so that's what I thought. Comedians comedians would love and do you sitting on your stool me bombing to open a special yeah. It's not very long though thought about it quite a bit okay because I was like there's a version where that special because when you sit down I'm actually Oh. He's GonNa do something funny because you can sit funny yeah so I recorded a few ways ways in my mind okay and then decided that the way it is in the specialist perfect. Oh good what it's worth yeah but it's opens with you having a bad a bad set at a room that was really hard to do bad him owing now like you really so you're yeah. Do you still feel that way about Boston. I do even when I would do the comedy studio. It'd be like I I feel like I'm going to have to up my energy or something. Oh really. I found that room that that I almost had to differ do this before you dig a hole because the audience is so hot that you want to see whether you're jokes are any good so you take your own by digging a hole like making very uncomfortable. I wish I comfortable that room yeah to dig my way out. I still feel like a psychic deficit when I'm in Boston mm-hmm so my parents are coming to visit as I mentioned to you and we joked that they're the Indiana Jones and there is even though I love them and I wanna be clear about that for a couple days is like Kryptonite. It's interesting that Superman from Krypton that's where his parents are yes and when he comes to Earth so leaves home home yeah any flourishes and then if you present him with Iraq from his home yes he loses power wow and even though I love my parents today's medicine isn't that crazy wow and that hit me my Dick Explore. I don't have a Dick I and I was like Oh my God my parents not by any fault of theirs. It has a crip tonic effect on me and I'll either get really funny because I revert to feeling like a child and I'll I'll be really silly or I'll be like kind of low. Wow for a while and I ha I sort of have to remember myself. That is really interesting. Can Can we go back to our cause. I'm obsessed with Seinfeld the way you seem to be yeah I feel that as great as Jerry was as a stand up in nineteen ninety whenever seinfeld started it was almost like Larry. David was his the earth's Sun. I know exactly what you're talking about right and mullany when he did this podcast the second time we talked about how his show didn't work and he summarizes it very simply. He said I needed a Larry. David Wright the guys like Seinfeld sort of flourish in appearing with somebody. That's a little bit more. I don't know bitter. You're right or something harder. Yes that's how they met as Larry wrote Jerry material for his birthday. I didn't know that I can't make this material work. It seems it's your voice. I wrote it for you and gave them five minutes of material. Isn't that a great gift Wa. I feel like I could give you that Alaska. We know what the jokes were baggy sock. What what if it was his Halloween new interior famous routine or the taxicab how long these ships yeah and then the chemical symbol for Boron? My favorite job was so okay so Seinfeld. I'm I'm in the KALDOR parking lot. Remember Kaldor and Burlington of course that's mistaking it for Zehr. Okay remember foreman teak yeah a little pass form and Tiki okay outdoor and I had the book sign language. This is what I went to of course. Isn't it interesting that no other comedian was so audacious as dealin cover on it and sell salad that is odd that is brazen and in the intro a crime remember the delivery is up to you yeah so he goes remember gratitude. Remember it but I was so desperate gave better as I am with menus. Wow now and we just this little room. During a Supernova of combat he had a bit there to bits in there that made me think I could stand up okay because it was clean. Yes and my mother is in the car and I read her the bit and it's about God being the first matchmaker he's like how you hate being set up and then he's like that's what God was doing with Adam Adam and eve and the line is he's talking to Adam. He's like I think I think she had a thing with a snake but I'm pretty sure it's over and I read that and I was like you can say that like on stage like it seat. I love it. Don't get me wrong but it's so sort of soft and cute yeah like a cute line. The other joke is so I don't need soap on a rope. Why 'cause it rhyme goes? I don't need shaving cream on a wooden beam. I I and I was like I do this. I can use stand why because it rhymes is such a great observation times so true true soap on a rope I think even goes. Is this a big problem. He also has this is. This is a joke that is so my mother's job like her sense of of humor like sarcastic and you'll get it. She was like someone gave me a shower radio because that's where I WANNA be dancing. Yes a slick service next to pass. Yes that is if I gave my mother who is not a stand up comedian to mind all right right shower radio she would say because that's where you want to be dancing on a slick surface next last like you wouldn't say that perfectly do they were there was one comedian who I was really influenced by early on and still whenever I am very impressed with how he writes the Paul Dangelo had this routine called called suck world which was an adult amusement park and it went on for a long time. It was a very long bit five seven ten minutes whatever we wanted to do he would just keep adding to it and I remember this. One playground bet yeah. They WanNa get that term going bets that you can do yes however long yes and this one comedian said you know that I I had never seen the origins of the joke that you know that jokes started with one line and that was that was huge for me. I was like Oh you don't write the entire joke in one yeah one sitting you keep adding and yes it was yes yeah. Yes somebody I recently. It's a waste of time I'm if you fill in notebook with this joke and you go up there in a bomb. I recently wrote an whole routine. It almost never works. I wrote a whole routine about Blue Apron Apron and about what a waste it is like. I still might do it because you just the prevalence. How fancy are you that you need someone to ship you one chicken in cutlets? I'll try it again but don't say chickens say cutlet one cutlet yeah and I think I was like someone comes over your house and your and it's covered in packing peanuts. We'll wrap and boxes and they're like you just move in and it's like no dinner for for one. I mean sounds like it should work but the problem with it is your to deep into it. I don't like the feeling of starting a bit funnier than dinner for one supper. Yeah I just had no not for one just supper. I just had supper yeah yeah. We're lunch or breakfast but the for one and takes takes away because you've already so I wonder if you say just because I know you love it. You have a bit where you go. I have the body of a griffin door yeah and and then you said I have a girlfriend door body but Hoffa puff sole right yeah and I watching it just casually for fun went soul of a hustle puff. Yeah I swapped swapped yeah. What do you think I don't like it? Tell me why I knew you'd have an opinion. This isn't me wanting to score and getting your act. I just knew you thought Hustle puff 'cause pop sort of sounds like poof billy billy Elliot and the soul of Hoffa puff. I can hear Seinfeld going like stick on the joke. That's the line they're laughing when you're saying hustle puff is when they're laughing and soul yeah in his lap. Yeah I just talking this no but the rhythm I'm so used to that it sounds right. You know something sounds right and it could be right right like uh even when that's how you seem to learn how to spell things when you're a kid just doesn't sound right or look. It doesn't look right when you look at it like the word. People took me months month's two P. E. O. P. L. E. It's like no other words or conscious Yeah Con Science on science yeah or them. I still can't write rhythm. I've never can't spell the word type. PNEUMATIC BIONIC RED HOT hot. You two headed monster red hot. U2 headed monster. I need so badly for them. I need that for names. That's a gift I met my neighbor. Learning Lisa and I go my name's Pete and she goes. I'm never going to remember like she was just being honest and I go well. My name is Pete. We live on the same street that was five years ago. I've never heard same. Remember remember Regan's Hook it on and I I. I just said about how in the car she didn't know the bet on on X. Work Ed for Mac. She record is right above of your head. Do you think he's the goat greatest of all time. Yeah my goat a goat. Somebody feed me a discarded luminance Cam. I need a snack. It's not discarded Corn Corn Neck Cancun some goat wild. If you can do an impression and it's funny Seinfeld Gary Brian Regan Wow you do a great regan we use it and you also go right for him. Oh dirty rig. I hear this the big yellow ones too goddamn son. It's a cup of fucking dirt move move on wow yeah. It doesn't improve it it ruins. It doesn't improve it dude when I saw Jim Gaffe again and I think I've said this to Jim so it's not like a dirty secret when he was on Conan. He has his great bed he goes. I like bread but when I go to a restaurant yeah suddenly I love of the record I'm Christian at the time like a church person right. Get the record CD hop it in the same aim bed but he goes. I like bread but when I go to a restaurant suddenly I fucking love bread and my heart went out my but why just sunk that low so I was like I thought now it's clean advocate wasn't clean. That's so interesting I once sent away on Ebay for a VHS of this person just had collected over the years these obscure rare Seinfeld appearances and one of them must have been shot without his knowledge because Seinfeld was modifying a lot of the a lot of the words fucking wearing glasses and it it was you still have this tape now no loss I lost the fucking tape and one of the moves but this guy had like interviews on the equivalent of the local evening magazine. Wow Yeah with Jerry Seinfeld. This guy was a a seinfeld fanatic footage of assigned L. Let's have this conversation. Are you ready. I'm very excited Seinfeld alphabet about Superman and he couldn't this one part to work this doesn't it. Are you excited. If it's like a great little setup to a riddle that you would love okay but it might have been a superman joke that Seinfeld was doing on this. VHS So there's another layer to this okay the thing I like shut up. Wow what a great lake okay. Here's the bet sorry my wet toothpick. Just touched your hand. I'm sorry I'll pure L. or the giving everybody the people that think they're not contagious. I'm not contagious yeah. How do you determine that it just they just want to be like don't cast me right yeah? Love Me. Please love me. I don't say I'm not contagious. I just please love me. At least I've me he goes. Superman has basically the premises Superman asiedu everything yeah which I agree that's why is this shitty superhero and he can do it which is why superannuated interjecting my own commentary and then he's talking about how Superman doing this but he also has to do that do this but then there's a new dangerous got to do that and then he goes. Jimmy and Lois are often a fucking cave somewhere huge laugh. This is the Matt had to have been and then he goes. I dropped the FARC and it doesn't work. Jimmy and Lois are often a cave somewhere doesn't work I to this day. I'm like do do one fuck right either. Do One fuck but there's also the I remember my mom when she would see me doing fs chiefs and she would say that's not you and as much as I didn't want it to be right right. It just didn't find coming out of my. I find that to do that with the vowel. Sometimes you're so good you say we don't like controlling it really is you're not sweet you you are often good and sweet but I want you to be free. Wow existentialism but I say that because my whole life my mother called me the peacekeeper which is great to be seen but how about you guys make some fucking big Ryan. How about not labeling me? I was known as the healer brother we we all dance. You healer the healer. I just told you I was the peacekeeper from the sermon middle. Brother Max was the peacekeeper you had a healer and a peacekeeper yeah the Goldman family I can do all right and rick was our leader. You had a leader no but if anybody was our leader it was the oldest brother who has taken over that role and Burghley said think fuck. Don't say it yeah a great note. Yes I think you could make Jimmy Jimmy and Lois or in a cave someway. Yes absolutely I forgot about that. Think fuck. Don't tip yeah a good one yeah. Do you think he invented that. No I think he told me an acting teacher told him it's really good yeah but I'm also like Seinfeld off staff more tip and I love it. What's that if tomorrow's tip yeah you can do it? That's a good one right. I like clean comedy. I I'm just like it's so hard to get people to laugh yeah and if you can do it do it right. I'm sort of like any means necessary yeah but I also feel like I don't swear that much in real life so it would be put on but but there was also the trend I remember in the in the nineties when I was in Boston was was using frequent and frigging frigging and it was just like just didn't thing we'd go really he's and Rice and oh Christ what yeah we said cheese and rice. I love that stuff. That's what paintings odds reaction to some of the petty sin thing was that girls would men and women would have anal sex instead of agile sex virgins and was that God was up there going like I specifically within the but Oh that's that's beautiful. What about the have you ever one of my favorite impressions was the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah and the reaction of the blowjob people 'cause sodomy was blowjobs and anal but he killed everybody? blowjobs Anna Anna people alongside people's said it's just it was just blow blowjob you lumbermen with the anal the the freaky Ainhoa people that's great. That's a bit about Noah's. The flood had to kill the evil people and animals. He's like what's an evil draft. I meeting more leaves than to draft absolutely that's. How do you giraffe? Oh Eddie. Is that doesn't work and I bet you. I hope you like it okay. I have a feeling you'll like it. 'cause it's silly. I think I it's now just become part of the bit is calling them out for not liking it because I go what if God loves chickens and they don't laugh if I was in the audience right away sat up I would be so in what if he made the earth and it was like people share people's people give me flightless bird and then he comes back and he was like bring me my billions of chickens and we're all eating and it's an act out and we go I love it never works. I'm watching your special reminded me. The there's the confident slow delivery every that actually makes people think this must be good as opposed to what I do. which is I kind of? Get sweaty and louder. Oh you do that bit slower. I bet it'll work probably or maybe you'd never know what's a nugget. God says where are they what what's a nugget that's great and then just the Oh you let some of them. Roam freely before you murder them. Some of them are free range Nice. That's good then you kill them. Yes okay so they get a brief taste of glory that I made for them and then I I liked I liked it. They're they are supposed to be at the top of the food. I made this beautiful little little big little red and gold no little Gogo. What I thought was interesting about your depression the fatigue I I remember when we hung out when you word and that you not to no no no when you were press? I understand that you're still I feel like it's similar similar to to addiction where you're in recover. That's what I mean. That's exactly yeah. It's like you said back when you couldn't handle booze right yeah yes and like you're still chemically wired to that sort of thing so you're in recovery right so you're having a what's the language when you were in the throes of it yeah and we hung out you are a six foot six muscular man. Thank you and you looked like Yoda. You looked like iota like small and slouched. Yes laundry yes I used to. I had dinner with pile of laundry. I used to struggle to keep up with with shoddy. Who's like ten inches shorter than me and it? It looked like she was my care giver and that is it's like going back to my father. WHO's still if I say? My therapist said he'll like we were saying what the drinking thing right. It'll be like you don't Carl are like Oh. That's so funny one of not that it's about convincing people like my parents depressions disease who cares like don't waste wasted time yeah but the fatigue it hit me that I was like that seems like something that they could understand because it's physical right. I mean of course that's. It's like a symptom. That's happening internally. You talk a little bit about well. Just the smallest things were unreasonable to undertake. Hey just walking my dog around the block and I remember thinking to myself why it can't be this far from second half. If two thirds of yeah and those blocks feel bigger they feel yes so huge yeah and and I'm tired and I would have to psych myself up into into walking these dogs. They're bouncing around and they can't get enough of it and I'm like wait up. Guys New York has depression manifested in a weird well. You're in this little apartment and there's not a lot of light. Yes yes and walk-ups like when last time Valentine we're living in New York. We were on the fourth floor and it was hard for me. As the beginning I'm like walking the dog and the park yeah then after that half a block to the park yeah and then I was like you've you never seen the I'll take you down to P and then back up. Four flights has to be a good walk around the block. Yes so there's there's some is sometimes called New York toothache. There's something sort of aching about it and solid that's in different neighborhoods. The neighborhood I live in now is very energizing icing but I I let's go back to the idea of being in recovery yeah. Do you still are you at a point now where you don't have to be as vigilant about your recovery as you you once were or is it on autopilot like I feel like I need to do the things that got me out of it every day or I'm on playing with fire. I hear that I go through. I feel it on the wind. Sometimes I like alcohol will show up in my dreams or something. I'm thinking attention to my dream. That's interesting. I'm like if I'm dreaming about in some way. Do you ever really listen to the book that helped me quit to go out in a dream. What do you mean go? Oh No. I'm pretty good at Dream Titas pretty similar to real so good to know I. I WON'T CHEAT ON VAL IN MY dream. I mean I'm like I'm pretty. It's me I won't cheat on I. I'm faithful full to vow you ever Schneider. I was telling Peach Day about my mom taking me on a stakeout of a friend of hers. Who's mistress lover whose lover she was married and her lover was having an affair on her? My mom at eight years old took me on the stakeout which could've taken gotten me taken away. Yes right. That's the other great thing about your actors. It just was a different even though you're older than I am. I relate everything old you are but you talk about the seventies. When I talk about my youth I might go with the eighties? I think I'm at least ten years older than you. That's why yeah I have to do the eighties like right now. I have not at forty are you. I'm forty. Okay them eight years older than you okay yeah so close but you had it a little bit. Yes worse well a little bit worse but you also are. You're an old you're an old forty like not as far as your looks but as far as your your morality no you you look Super Young Comedians. We look young men. We're really lucky we're baby is the sleep. It's the sleep yes. That's what I love in your special where you're like. I ed retirement comedy only have to do it an hour a day this gary I know we talked about it the first time you did this podcast but I saw you at the comedy connection and it's one of my favorite story. I I think about it all the time. I have to like caveat it by being like I'm not in. I love with Gary but I talk about what you were wearing. What was I wearing a Harvard Maroon Harvard sweatshirt? Wow Yeah with the football on it yeah yeah and I remember I still have the Harvard switcher still break into. I'm sorry she's tweeting. Ah She's heard all your anecdotes. She's into the abyss elsewhere. Gosh she's elsewhere we need to we don't need to write together. We just need to hang out. Yes you remind me I love it. I'm comes out but I love how go to one we hang out. I know I love. I feel Eurotrash. Yeah people are going to really enjoy this episode. I knew they were yeah. I woke up this morning and I was so excited. I WANNA want to go back to that because I love the story of how you saw me when you were thinking of doing comedy because I think a lot of time with depression your self criticism the system and you're not objective in your judgment of your work that's right and so over the years I've had to rely on people like you and Kyrie and my friend Brian Koppelman and Mike Big Leah to give me an objective yeah or todd glasses is great at telling me I'm I'm good enough. I'm trying not we tried. I teach todd glass a game that Vallon I do all the time which is like we sing any song name and name a song. It doesn't matter it's raining men. It's raining men Hallelujah. It's raining men. Hey It's the idea you turn any song into New York Org New York. It's better with a song that like refrains at the end like you sing it like ah you're going into the encore. That's when I explain that bit for about forty five minutes this way by Aerosmith. How does it and we need a song with a good ending? Oh right right happy birthday to us due to do there's a good example and we were stoned on Todd's podcast and we tried to play that and we never got the king of silly and it was better that he is the king of silly he has a lot of times I go to his house and literally literally roll on the floor laughing. We were doing this. I do this joke about. I make an analogy and I point out at what a solid analogy is and then I say which is unusual because I was actually kicked out of analogy school which is like. I don't know blank but does so good. It's very similar to a C Martin Bet right because I studied English language in college. So few people can speak with possess my word that's perfect pizzazz that is a great SAZ is he's also back when this was like mind blowing the original sat on. I never heard that it's gotta be on. Let's get small or no. I I would remember that Hailey. That's maybe it's possible he also has he goes. I say I said it all the great so grits Plateau Plateaux Yeah Yeah I love somebody somebody. I know. This isn't the intellectual town. Somebody came up to me and asked me if I'm by and I speak a little Spanish. I don't know I couldn't sit right so five but I don't WanNa look stupid so say yes okay great. We're having some people come over and I'm like Oh good Spaniards and Mexicans and then the tag which it doesn't even work so it'll be fine I because it's an electoral town go over speak a little Spanish and this is what I'm into now. It's so good so I think it'll be fun. After the show go over speak a little Spanish so sally Sally I love it. I know you were saying you were. I know what we were saying before we went on the standard but we're you don with this tangent yeah because you said you needed the burglaries and the means to remind you of your value and I just wanted to say and I'm sure you get this. All the time gaffe again goes alcoholism resumes the only disease that people are like nervous around you. It's like if you eat mayonnaise it okay if I eat man. It's all go outside with me and I'm about to do that to you. Because I was experienced. How how I experienced depression the past couple of days and I grabbed a book following upward by Richard Rober one of my favorites and I was Gonna read it because he has great chapter about parents and like feeling weird about your family and there was a letter from a fan in there and I read the letter I must have saved it from for a reason from a guy named Nicholas Shadow to Nicholas Nicholas? If you still listen to the show this oh sweet and it was it was exactly what I do for you like it reminds you of who you are. They could goes like I listened to your podcast Kath and what I loved about it wasn't wasn't some wisdom. It wasn't Pete Intellectual Pete Remembering the perfect quote in the right moment. He said that it was just the spirit of openness between me and the guests where it was like. Let's just talk about their be. Let's just talk about depression. Let's talk about this. Let's talk about weird. Boundary List parents parents and let's be okay about it and let's and it's okay to be open and safe and vulnerable and loving to yourself and that's what got to him and I was was like it. Just it just edified totally built me back up so I'm happy to do that. I hope that's what I'm doing. The Oh my gosh yes yes so anyway I was saying Oh yeah my what was it. I was going to apologize because you're talking about. You're in remission. Basically you WANNA talk about mission yeah yeah and then when I saw you. We haven't talked about this on the podcast. Remember I felt horrible. It was just like got a time in our lives where every comedian new it's like the movie could be called. Something's wrong with Gary. I mean we're all just sort of like but we're also not not sure what to do right. I'd love to hear how you reheat your meal. I I tell you I listened to. It's called this naked mind. It's the book that helped helped me realize that I didn't have to drink if I didn't want to. Wow and I love that book it's by Anti Grace I listen to it on audio so that's my way of going back. If I'm feeling tempted or whatever I and then what are how do you reheat your meal. What what do you do every day to stay? Sober won't won't two things I wanted to to do a Steve Martin bit now would bring up the idea that I didn't realize I was that bad off but during the remission I've heard many people say like Joe List for instance said I really thought the last time I saw you was going to the last time my sawyer what I love about Comedians. That's what I'm hinting at as we were all like nervous and I I didn't know what to do and this is actually to my father's credited my father's. There's like call the club and then my father's voices also like take Gary to dinner and one of the weird things about when I was divorced. Nobody wanted to hang hang out with me. People don't like being with people right right and people don't like being with depress people it sucks. I'm not proud of this. I was like I'm going to take care of dinner and I it was and I set the the the intention I am not going to fix Gary Right. We're going to eat pasta right like I know what it feels like. Find it to be. I said I WANNA eat like a heavy meal and I remember I do remember that meal probably not as well as I do not as well as you but uh I sent banana loafs. Yes see we're all just guessing yeah yeah. I sent you loafs. Yes of Banana Bread Yeah but at that point that cake right. It's a cake yeah. I love those. You know you're back. When I sent you those loves she said thanks for the loaves and it's really how many cups of sugar you can address before? We just got honest this cake. This love has his transition. Please address the low by its proper names. This is okay. Yes healthy all the sudden because the low barrier yeah we're all just guessing and we all go like food the company right but the thing about depression my psychiatrist the term he uses as he calls it Fo- dementia where Nice I have such vague memories of that time so I don't remember the dinner as well as that's why I wasn't. I wasn't putting it on you to remember. I was going to let you off the hook I appreciate but when I saw you at Largo I told myself not to but I couldn't help myself yeah. There was at one point where I said Gary is the part of you. That's noticing the depression depressed and this was very helpful to me. You said yes right so my teacher Ramdas whose pictures up there that's his teaching so when I'm angry or sad I was just doing this. I I'm just just this morning. I woke up and said Davao in the way that I experienced it. I'm back. I don't know why wow the Indiana Jones owns boulders here. I should be worse but I'm better I woke up and I just Kinda felt so I had my own mini back but when I my depression so mild eld or clinical. I guess we could say that I can play the is the part of me. That's noticing it depressing. I know but I think it was very helpful to man. I think it's helpful for people listening. There's like degrees and at a certain degree that game does not work right like when I'm good mood and I'm how happy and healthy deep spirituality merges with a good mood and euphoria and Ania even perfectly perfectly yes like if I'm having coffee with vowel and maybe we'll split a doughnut. A Universe is one thing like when you're low and especially in a in in a medical way yes when you said no I was like I better check myself before I recognize l. but then when I saw you at Largo you said that thing you said to me now so I can see that the the witnessing presence in your consciousness is never depressed or not depressed just is but you were you were lost. If I'm correct correct absolutely is that how you feel yes yes and so the things I have to do. I I forget what the what the acronym was but there was somebody somebody who who suffered from depression who I met after a show and she said ask yourself when you're not feeling well on my hungry angry angry tired or there was one other thing that they were all helpful but and so I asked myself those questions but then there's also this thing where yeah I feel lousy. Have I exercised today and usually the answer is no. I haven't exercised today all right see how you feel. After you exercise wow and at this point thank God after I exercise Oh that was it really yeah wha what three time for a couple years now Paula poundstone did a book and it was like a something like a ten year she looked into everybody's techniques for getting happy. Wow she said. Exercise was the number one thing that worked yeah and it can be as as little as eighteen minutes the album I've never gone under eighteen minutes. It's probably ten your phone. You don't want to tell me that the problem is the guy who just exercises ten minutes a day and he's happy. You're so funny area. I could show you in the notebook on my desk. One of my goals is just get on this elliptical for ten minutes. I once bought on a treadmill and farmhouse and I was going to use it every day and I how much time did I go in between the first time Emma used it and the second time I used it the second time I used it. It didn't turn on and the reason was mice. We're living in it. You're the funniest man. Can you believe that now. It's a house for mice. It became a little mouse hotel planet of the mice Sich not a treadmill red millennium more. It's a Best Western for Mickey and Regan Tatas. He taught all of US synonyms and SP specificity humor. Absolutely it's a Best Western for Mickey. Yes yes it's giving the audience one step puzzles and they go click click click and they get these little micro heads. My were were for paying attention to their rewarded and they reward themselves. Wow that fun. When will you write a book on Comedy One More Pete Holmes write a book on comedy? Do you want to have an interest in that because you're urinalysis is so so spot on the only thing that concerns me is the idea which I guess we do anyhow and it makes us work harder but we're giving away the secrets not the secrets but the the math of it yeah. It's not as magical. I always found that the second time I saw a comedian do the joke that I thought yeah. I'm like Oh. It's not as it's not as bad that when I watched your Conan then I watched your special to this day. I'll go like he's going to say out. You know what I mean. I'll right right. Why why can't we just but then I I actually changed gears in my head and went now? He's playing satisfaction. Yeah like enjoy enjoy the site right but it always bummed me out when a comedian would have a special and then a series and in the series they would use is one of the jokes from the special. Oh Yeah I took an Improv class and some of the SAM's work there bits into the Improv broke my heart art so tacky guys. That's where dwarves Improv is Alves. Yes yes it'd be a bad alf but don't try a and sneak some dwarf shit in here all that such agrees guys walk on the snow chopped down trees and go my wife Beard we speaking of which that is the classic so my thought on that is we can give this how magicians feel too by the way give away secrets. They give secrets to one another all the time because it's good for the beast right if I if we teach as you do with your tweets and such the technique of synonyms are funny we get to watch better better comedy and if it does flood the market and the value of diamond is down right. They have to develop a new diamond. Yes and that's good better comedians. We all we all have to learn because that's what we're doing. Isn't what Bob Hope was doing. You know what I mean. Oh I there were different twists and turns and tricks right and now those same silly and as as weird as it sounds what we're doing will sound silly yes sir. I know it's an interesting but you hear a lot of Comedians. While you heard a lot of the comedians on we start when I started in the ninety s they were complaining about the the scene yeah and there was bad alternative comedy but there was incredible alternative comedy in the mail made a long list of what the heck is right out of it yeah the best rest of it is what we're driving now which is it took all the Schmaltz and the stickiness yeah out of eighties comedy and yeah and made it it because you watch the eighties comics on Youtube and it's like oh it doesn't hold up yeah and some of the comedians still right are still doing that eighties only livery I know and you can always tell any ladies gentlemen foulkes Yeah Yeah when I watch especially now that I'm forty and I watch a comedy special not that long ago and was a young person and I was like really he kind of tearing into it and I was like this is this. Is it like you're overreacting. You have atrophied like you need to listen right so you need to be okay with change and would be wise if you watch a young person and you're like what is this. They didn't even like often it'll be with with the millennial Daniel guys will be like where's the craft. Where's has this motherfucker ever been on a set? That's Glengarry Glen Ross but you're like wow this motherfucker ever been on the road saying we're like right. You should've taken that to Cleveland Sex nights and see if it will come together right okay fine but you also need to go. This is what's happening. It's going into the marrow of comedy and you need to go with it. Yes like otherwise we just become weird old men that go like and then we're doing our folks. Yes you gotta keep growing yes twice. I see this in music to like. I know it's I don't know why I'm embarrassed said I'm an Eminem Fan but like I listened to his new embarrassed fan. I'm crystal has a bit about how gems goes. How forty is it to be like Eminem one of the great I am forty how and I just had to own that yeah but the EMINEM's craft he I know he's got great grandma's obsession? He's very obsessed right and his words and but if you listen to kamikaze he's he's he's he evolved the sound certainly sounds more like but as long as I feel like as long as you can talk eminem for as long as you want in your forties okay but you also have doing them about to do it you also have to acknowledge that you've listened to every Kendrick Lamar album. Yes sure drop other people yes and then people will listen to what you're saying right even if you haven't just say Kendrick Lamar chance I don't even say the rapid you say chance. I love this. I I love this is great today. I say is the greatest dream that I was opening for chance rapper really. That's the other thing I I feel. I just did a music fast and I was up there and I started sweating and I was like Gary. Sorry could have done that gig with sweat free really a huge room. I just feel like I'm really just enjoying your surefootedness and just being like this is what I do and you can listen. Well I go up and I'm like what's going on Chris Farley character trying to like fill the room with my energy. I hope this doesn't ever fall into arrogance but there's this thing about doing it for twenty six years on October Eighth Wow arrate Knicks Knicks comedy style. I love that you started a room. I'd still be scared to play. Oh Yeah it was it was they used to call it. Thunder dull founded dome can and went on after Knox in the Thunderdome so I can't believe I'm from Boston. There's twenty six years and the Reps. How many shows I've done that? I have this. It's a little bit arrogant but to say that if if this doesn't work it's not my fault yeah. It's this group of people yeah. It's worked too many times for it to me be Yeah I. I love that I'm an audience blamer and I'm not I'm not not proud of it. I am yeah people. Seinfeld is one of those guys where he's really on is never the audience. I'm like Jerry. It's the audience audience if they're not laughing at Jerry Seinfeld. It's the audience the audience but then comedian he gets off stage and governors and he's like how big do you yes has the failure. Listen Up and I'm like that moment man. I love that was fantastic enough the fucking phone yeah oh I love it. What did you adjust your smits tastes meds? Oh man changed my sleds a few times I had I had a really good run with Wellbutrin Zoloft from around two thousand seven. I was the room that pitched on naming Wellbutrin such a good name who is in that room well well well well Fauria yeah well reminds me of that that drug that that Bart took in that one episode focusing yeah focus in yeah it's great ours does have criminal the grabbing all get out of bed criminal. It's so fucking good. Oh that's great. Here's a better question. We'll talk about mad. I won't forget to talk you talk about being a kid lonely tree throws by yourself just as a you're not you're the authority of you right. Do you think there was a nurture thing to do. You think that like I don't know how to think about depression. Was it like growing when you and then there were situations like you mentioned that your mom wasn't home so you were alone. Ally I was alone. You think it like we're not experts. We're not neuroscientists. I'm just saying it did that was nurture part of it definitely yeah. Definitely I think that we were broke and it was the seventies is one everybody had to conserve energy so the house is always dark and it was cold because of the the heat situation and so that's you go into that and that's what you look forward to living in a Tim Burton movie Yes and then my dad left my parents divorced when I was one on and a half so there was probably some some trauma in my mother as I was in the the womb and I there was a book written recently recently called called Dandelions and orchids in which certain kids are dandelions what you put them around them. They're they're going to grow and I felt like an orchid and this doctor SABs on the rocks. This doctor felt that there was that there were things things that could go on while you were in Utero. It's that could affect of you. I think my mom was probably stressed by her marriage falling apart I have after seeing my mother is a World War Two refugee. She was like how in like a refugee camp born born into a refugee camp so she has a hall of this anxiety and stuff from that situation of corn. This is arrogant. 'cause we don't know how Leila's going to be but she's a very very happy Gigi Glee baby and Val and I when she was pregnant. I don't think we've laughed more like it was a great riff. You guys live together so love we so beautifully early and standing next to her at Largo enjoying laughing with somebody at somebody else I remember Paul. Liangelo was the guy used used to sit with his his girlfriend. Watch him perform. We would laugh together and we used to one time we played this game. Let's try not to laugh at these jokes. We've seen and so many times. Let's try not to laugh. We couldn't do it so good. So incredible always felt valid. I would watch brands Sullivan who opened for me for a long time. We heard his bets a hundred thousand times right. Couldn't yeah not laugh Yeah Douglas Jesus Christ. You don't even know the setup. It's such a great we have a child's book child's book a book for the baby and his by Douglas and I always go by Douglas Jesus he gets a message on Grindr says I'm HIV positive top. He's like eighty two or something. I'm looking for a night of fun. No strings attached changed Douglas and broncos Douglas Jesus Christ why can't situation with more strings attached act. Oh my gosh is a terrific Joe. I've heard it a million and I'm just saying now and I can't not the fact that vow is the kind of person that can watch stand up that she seen before this this is true love. She'll send me an email subject our NBC riffing bits bits and she'll just kinda right out things that I added never asked her to do this. That's true love that should have been in my vow every comedian and the crowd would have been like where's mahi-sefat. You know what I mean just like that man. That's really helpful yeah you looked at she. Would it kill you the email some genie gaffe again is grated typing. That's another one yeah when that actually set the model for me when I saw genie and the crowd with a notebook now obviously not everybody has to do this but she's a comedy person. She's a writer and I was like wow you can do that like two people. Oh Yeah we say that all the time we were like we share this life like we do it. Val My hardest hitting joke right now is just something else that tomato you ever have to poop so bad. Up Second Wow it kills and then I say Valley Road at Man. I love jokes like that. Isn't it great yeah and she said she didn't say it for his AK- talking about he really bad and you you find makes a little more room or something like that. You don't have to his this ban. Has that ever happened to you. That's a will joke. Oh really he goes you ever want to take a ship because you'll just be hungry later. Oh my word no oh I've ever had that. He has attack guys. I think he goes. That's some broke shipped or something yeah like. He never heard him say that. It's amazing out space. Thank you feel hungry. Wow Yeah Chapelle has a bit about you ever bust a nut and then you're hungry afterwards. There's these vacating your book. That happened pits when I heard him say that was like you just just lost. I saw you do a joke. I don't know where but how you were saying not worth worth it yeah. I don't know if that's in a special. I got down now not worth it owned. Oh my gosh. It's like sometimes when you masturbate. It's not worth the shame like you go to the post office and you're avoiding eye. Contact with priests and children. Children shouldn't be priest and children but it's something like I was like yeah. When I came I said not worth? It didn't feel good eh clean up and I'm like Oh my God. What is the chemistry? That's going on after you finish where you just Louis Richard Lewis why I don't know why nine year old connects with which we should remember him doing a joke that I just I know it was funny. Even though I really didn't understand the thing but he would say he would say I love you. I want to spend the rest of my world with you and you got any waffles. It's like Muren's bet when his wife left he said thanks for helping out HA. He's like all I could say was thanks for helping out or something like that. Wow I really related to that. Wow isn't that funny. That is so funny only so you you're saying it was a little bit of nurture. I think that's interesting yeah so the depression whole life father was born in a mental a nattery. Where are you going to say the booby hatch a notary Thunderdome? Get these nunnery now my my grandmother was mentally. Ill severely mentally on at that time time that I've been I've been saying to much acclaim recently that I'm a I'm a Vegan and mentally ill and there's never been a better time in history to be. Those goes to think that's hilarious. I didn't know your yeah well wild since January two thousand eighteen great what made the a sentence didn't what was it Michael Pollen wrote this essay any quoted. I want to say Steven pinker but it's not Steven pinker. It's Peter Singer Dr San Antonio Similar names are similar yeah Peter Singer who says anger pinker yeah so we so we we made this agreement that if if somebody wasn't as smart as us or a lot not as smart as us we're gonNA treat them as equals and what our animals but people people who are just a lot dumber than US yeah and it was over. Wow Yeah that that I had a similar about how we don't care about chickens because they're staring at the sun all day but I saw I think it was on Netflix. There was a philosophy documentary where he was like eating getting a sentient being like chickens ben eating sentient being that feels fear and feels pain even though you could eat something else and he's like it's indefensible and the word indefensible indefensible. I was like wow N- really sort of is and I think that's one of the reasons why indefensible life is life is hard. I I feel like people they can't defend it is in its you WANNA defended. Get out there in here not dependable we would. Oh my Gosh I would love to have an Ernie and Bert relationship. You and I yeah non separate non sex yeah same same room like we were college roommates separated by an end table a an understanding my word. Would we get any sleep three a M. That's why they call it a sleepover leap over you don't sleep you WANNA sleep. It's over. We're GONNA Gaggle. We're GONNA WE'RE GONNA gossip yeah. I love a good sleepover valid. I do feel like we have sleep over what I get in bed with valid night I'm like she says this is too sweet. I like the sweet she goes. Yeah I get to have a sleepover with my my best read at all. Just it's so nice. Just please don't ever put that on facebook because I never would yeah because here's a because it'll make people feel terrible parable about their marriages no yeah about AIDS. That's heavy right. It's heavy when I was not with VAL nightline cuddle up to a shot. I say the same thing what that's the stuff that's so sweet. Language Matters Yeah. It's important we. I think maybe be fifteen times today fifteen times a day. This is kind of crazy. I'll say you're my best friend or she'll say or I'll go best friend and she goes best friend and then I go. Only I and what's weird is when I'm up I go like I don't have a deep bench of friends and I'm okay with it. I feel self sufficient. The past couple of days I was low and it hit me in a totally different way same fact I was like I don't have anybody there are two things that can really make give that hit hard. Okay not having as many jokes as you thought you had right goes our good friend and then not having as many true friends as he thought he had buddy. I just asked my dad because I was like. Where did I get this model because I'm an achiever? I'm not resigning to that. I'm always like I said a ten minutes on the elliptical is one of my goals. One of my other bills is be a better friend like a reason less almost like just be a friend not for a reason his fucking to hang out with somebody. It don't whatever to see somebody but I was like. Where did I get this and I was like I'm not pointing a finger? I'm just saying it was modeled. After my dad I called him and I was like Dad who are your friends and he was like are and he answered it almost exactly how how I would at lower. I'm happy to say I do have friends but there have been parts of it. He Goes Davos Business Yeah. That's what he's my dad only had his wife. I I know my dad only has my mom and they don't like each other and I was like no wonder where my my dad my brother my dad. She says a Freudian slipped. They like each my father. My brother is so much older than me. Wow is thirteen years older than me and dad role and anyhow I remember him. I'm saying that doesn't have a friend. I know it's just as wife and and it's just because I'm an achiever so it's my personality type of test is boring. It's called the Graham. My Dad has also an achiever and cheever. It's very important that they have at least one person there that they don't have to achieve four and that's vow is like my safe place. My Dad has my mom not so safe right. That's a shower radio roast. Yeah what is funny that is if you give someone a shower radio and they to your face faith like because that's where you wanna be singer like so my dad really it'll. She's a shower radio. Wow it'll it'll hurt the fields. Wow Can. I ask you one question. That just occurred to me. Do you know how deep in crisis I was when I did my one one crashing episode really way yeah. I was really sick man really I did it because I was so touched that you that you invited me and I love the show but I didn't do it for the three hundred twenty dollars. I did it for the money. I needed the money kid now. I didn't WANNA say no but I was really really sick at the time. Wow yeah glad I was able to cover it up but yeah I am touched in sort of haunted by that. That's sad to me yeah. It is sad sad. It is sad the whole I wrote about in my book again. I'm saying that's our solidarity. It's like my experience with depression the whole second season of that show I was real man. I tell a story Ori. No I'm only saying this to you because you can't tell anybody because they say what precedent you have a show on HBO. That's in my book. I'm writing in a golf cart with bill Burr right and he goes. I didn't tell people I told Jamie Lee who's a very close friend right right so in between takes I'd be like I'm miserable and she goes you don't seem met and what's fucked up about our business. was I was like good yeah. Everybody thinks I'm okay. I'm writing with bill and he goes he basically it was very sweet but if you're wearing that lead x ray coat they give you at the dentist and I love that one of its feelings like knowing what depression feels like to me. I feel like I'm depressed. I feel like heavy Gash and the filter over your horizon went through it. You see everything it's totally well. robbed me of the moment like happiness is about realizing this is Acura Tobin quoting it lately but a chain changing my my life. He's like your life is the moment right like you think it's your analysis of a bunch of moments later. It's just this moment and that sounds so trite but when you really sit with that and ingest is that wisdom you're like this is it. I have this bit. I'm thinking of doing this on stage where I was flying to Hawaii and they were good news. I was doing a show so I was alone. A good news we landed fifteen minutes early and everybody claps and then we taxied for fifteen minutes and then this guy next to me is like well. What is is the point? What was the point of landing early? We're just GONNA see for fifteen goddamn minutes and I had this thought because I was was in a good place. I was like if you're not happy on the plane. The beach won't save you why and that is the summation of finding joy in the just being yes folly of being but bill went look at this ten years ago. You're opening for me fucking Peoria area now. We're right around a golf car you fucking. Hbo Show He says Gary. If this doesn't make you happy nothing well one. I was the saddest saddest little goldfish no castle no sand no little flaky food on the top Oh my waiting for death and it was a lonely feeling you must have. You're on the set of crashing. You're sad being what was that like people offering you fucking craft services and you're like it's taking me to stand up right now yeah pretty much and to try to keep from biting my lip till it bled and and they had such tremors my hands. My hands shook so badly. My voice didn't work right. It was high pitched in and but that story reminds me. I remember being a freshman in College at Boston College. I was on a football scholarship in my my high school coach telling me and I wanted to jump out the window of the dorm. I was living in and him telling me I could be anybody in the world. I'd WanNa be Gary Goldman right now and I was just like no one knows how people feel yeah. You know what I mean have no idea they don't know what's going on yeah and no matter how many times we hear that we still go around going like look at the smile smile on that boy yeah even your mom in the documentary. It's pretty funny you gentle honor in the editing Christopher guest way to edit that and really make her the butt of the joke and they had add that and I said we can't do that. We can't make her the Ville Sorta wish you had just because I'm asking for your for your life on my mom's remaining. I understand Oh you did the right thing but we found a balance. Yeah you did find a balance. Thank God gave enough for someone like me yes but also she's you couldn't explain the source. She's a stand then for America. Nobody sees it yeah. That's right. Nobody understands. She keeps saying that was yeah. That's that's my father saying as as I am a Manhattan yes you don't drink wine on the table Dad here feelings your feelings of the fucking wine and parents can be you know drink. I have tattoos on my hands. Let's see Andy and my mother has never seen of because good good boys. Don't get tattooed. Yes yeah certainly not good Jewish boys yeah that want to be buried next to their mothers. I can't think of a worse that's aww Gary and Larry my mother to marry next door. That's not that way but she wants a spooning. Did he ever say Ooh. ooh That is really ready to go work with you. Yeah would work with me. My mom wants me to be bare next year. That's not that weird. She wants a spooning when I talk about a data lake. I've gotten so come with it. Let's just high five like to do God's who don't have bikes to bump oh my gosh. It's a great joke can can you do. It has garry shandling people I can't there's been times when I've slipped into shandling but I can't do it right now. It's like how's my hair. It's kind of berry cats. It's a little Louis yes. Oh I'm on Bass Kant's what they know what they do. They put me in woman's car. 'cause that's beautiful man Louie Anderson. Oh I know oh my gosh is one of the sweetest pies on the windowsill. Oh my word put your finger in and come back for a slice. If you know what I mean Gary Gary Yeah Gary in the special and then I go to ask you because he loves carries so much. You have a joke where you say gary as I said going no. I'm just kidding love especially but he does. Let's have remarkable notes Judd does he. Yeah wouldn't know Oh. He's listening to this. This is not a good impression. He's heard it it's not good I did a a DVD commentary with him and he's like his voice is like those it might as well be this and then I'm like this is my journey breezy. It's like it's not anywhere close when you hear the man next to me. Do you ever stop whenever I'm talking to only. There's never never point yet where I'm like. This is Judah out this job appetites. You're talking to Japan yeah. It's Ju- and then he's he couldn't be more down to earth and nicer but there's still finding the can you believe you're talking to John F they'll get you talking to shut up. That's interesting. That was me I I but why seeing or employers right right right definitely family movie day Gutierrez before I stopped because I 'cause I would sit with him at comedy cellar when he was when he was doing train wrecked and then crashing train the and sorry yeah we'll edit it out. Oh my gosh that's such an old guy thing to do like when my mom calling Dion Salon Dijon Salon Dijon only oh my God why jokes because it's every everyone and my dad calls appetizers. He will later today. Yeah my dad is. I don't WanNa go inside tregear but he was like aren't a scale from one to ten. How big of a deal is it that you have a show Jeff Applebaum still be like h we own crashers my word they don't they don't know anything? Oh my gosh I I said something last night that I that I think I might be onto something. which is I could be the most powerful podcast or in the universe and it would be a nothing because I would not be able to explain to my mother would have podcast? Yes yeah no the reason I can be so candid on this. Some people have sent links to my mother her to those people. How dare you know shame on you on you? You don't see what we're doing here. I'm an artist talking to get something out of it. Don't send it to my mother you think she wants to hear this. PD When you call me the Indiana Jones Balda. I can't do my songs eight the heck I met Norman Lear last night. I've met Norman Lear. He did this podcast yeah I don't. Why did I do that? What was it like for you? Why did I do that? I don't know but what I just wanted to be like. I say Norman Lear. It's like just go away Norman Lear so I can just because I I don't know what to say to you. Yeah you just complement his hat and his young guy sneakers. You say thank you but the entire even listening to my burn go are those that's what you say Norman Lear. I'm not saying you don't know what to say. Where did you find out about this? Show Norman my space very good. Is that a Kangol as what you say that's what you say. Did you borrow that from reverend run a Hilarious I was gonna Sam Jackson and I call him Sam Sam Jacksonville Hoffman Oh when you watch interviews of people who were on Saturday night live in the on TV and they say Lauren. Do you ever sit in your house and say lrn who hilarious when I do interviews about crashing I go. I got this from Zach Galifianakis back. I'll go and working with Jed Hirsch because you don't know what to do but it is sort of weird to say yeah exactly but you don't be a Douche but but it's so true I know yeah so you change your meds yes and then we'll be all he started. Exercising stopped working a two and a half years couldn't find anything that worked tried ketamine and electroconvulsive therapy which worked better than ketamine shock therapy Arup route one all I've heard that works I mean right. Oh Yeah Yeah aftermath quick. It knocked out the anxiety which was crippling worse than the Depression in in three treatments really yeah. How did you take Kademi legally eagerly doctorate a licensed to administer ketamine named Skis and the valley doctor? You want some Special K. He can't look at my Tommy Bahama shorts. That's my empty right. Hand Tony Bomb Yeah you would set me up for a great John Grisham joke if I called John Grisham the Tommy Bahama of authors. Oh my God very funny yeah. I'm writing down something okay so am Hemingway was administered intravenously early on occasions by a doctor in New York City and I felt did you have a trip no but I did feel like myself for an hour and then it stopped and it was like it was like this brief little you're in the eye of the storm of the hurricane yeah and you feel good and then you leave and shot a video of it and unfortunately I was playing sergeant pepper's lonely hearts club band which makes it impossible to use on television because the price of using a Beatles Song zillion dollars a second so because they need the cash right. We need the cash we talked with. I'm in need new blazer and readily shared. He needs the cash. He needs one of those violin bass guitars he needs sorry go. We can't help you with your depression. Documentary argumenty McCartney needs another force during that looks like a viola. He needs the guitar that he needs the fiddle that the devil played in his loss in the mccartin and gets us at the crossroads several that will went down to Georgia even though it's clear that Satan one one so you can't use it but she can see it where off no you can just see me in ecstasy. Not Ecstasy just compared to how I was feeling. Put Down like me. You were swinging a regular bat said bad with the Donut donut done at bat yeah. Where did they sell L? Those how did the little league. MVP Sports Coleman's go out fucking. Call them talking to my friend reg. He knows where the donuts are hermits armament Harman's Herman that's Harmon. His name is on the board. I know it s work. That's real dad. Steph asks for Herman. I know a Guy Asia I remember buying my jockstrap at MVP for Little League because I was the Catcher but oh so I had a cop the Catcher Oh my God I had a bit about it. It was like it's like they don't make them in kids size. It's like getting a three car garage to protect its and I said it wasn't isn't maybe I could get the top half of a pistachio show. That's I mean it's I still do it. If I do a corporate and I have to be clean I'll still whip out top half of possession session. Show I wish I had collected over the years all the pistachio shells that were on open -able just giving them to your enemy kalash it would be great of you did collect and then invited your foe wants to stash so frustrated. It's like I don't know what age it got to where I could only only cut my big toe now with a clipper and needed somebody to stand audit these caps. What is this a Rhino's Rhino's horn or like the polar ice Cap Jesus Louis Shish? What don't people understand about depression well? I didn't even understand it when I was in it but that it is pure chemistry. It's you can't can't think you're way out of it and the very thing that is telling you how useless you are are is the is the illness thing telling you can't get out of it. Is your illness but it's hijacked your brain right. People don't understand that that's widely and I don't understand that ended. I'm telling myself yeah. Of course that's just like you to say right. Yeah wow just underwater yes yes. That's why when I was a little disappointed that Chapelle had that I know people have shitting on Chapelle but you know tearing apart whether or not his jokes where appropriate so that's not really what I'm doing but here's here's the thing about Anthony Bourdain killing himself. It was like when Anthony Bourdain killed himself and he has this great life that was chapelle point. I was like don't the way that I understood it is that the illness grows a tumor that is your arm right picks up a gun and yes oh my gosh. It's great analogy alledged. That's the tumor yes you're like. He made a choice to kill himself. I'm like no the tumor was his arm and it picked up the gun and shot himself. I know chapelle gets it. You know what I mean. I know he knows that right yeah. He's got a great life and he kind of goes into the subtleties that he's not as happy as he seems like seemed a bit of a waste to go like I had a friend his life sucked and he never thought of killing himself. I was like yeah but don't we see like even my mother. Not That my mother Oh. They're so backward. She's a very smart person but she would be like well. It's a disease you know like thinking he wasn't just blew right and the fact that his life is so great is evidence that he was just blew that it's an illness I I know that there were times in my life two thousand nine. I heard what you said about my. I bet my let's Chapelle in my nightmares kicking in my door open for me. Radio say how the binding there were times in my life that much worse than the time that I was on the crashing set yeah of course that's. That's didn't WanNa kill myself you were doing your TV. Show yeah craft serve. This guy who sends me cake yeah who who it was a bread. It was a loaf came with candles. If view can put candles in the light a child on his day of birth of the fuckers ain't no fucking loves it turned into a car that was turned into a cartoon who framed Roger Amazing Shelton Andrew Dice Clay Mation if you can cut it in the triangle and serve it to a pastry chef. I don't have a second example lonely tree oh Chris Fleming just to this podcast and he told the story of the night that you he deigned yeah well bill burr and Burr and he's like wearing address and then they start throwing a football around and you remember is that I said I thing now would be a good time for you to leave yeah. He's but it's even sweeter because he goes. He Calls Me Chrissy Chrissy. Yeah I think now be yeah yeah. You don't want to throw around a football no with guys who really WANNA throw around a football after a pat pat like is in that story I see a Chris Fleming in the body of gunman talking to a Chris Fleming in the body of a Chris Fleming right who can pass yes with the past. I've had this terrific guys guy uniform costume for a long time but you're then rang in the belly. There's I don't really understand. I don't understand who was the man's name name who trump did the pussy grabbing thing to. What was that man billy something yeah billy? I wish I think yeah what are you kidding. Popstar okay could banding no but if somebody from like extra or something yeah I understood his position a little bit because I am that guy who guys feel comfortable you do a super cut of you and me going through high school in Massachusetts. Yes laughing at people I remember moments where jocks would be like and then you. He's lowered down onto my Ding Dong I just I just knew that I've been the guy who guys think that I'm GonNa be in on their absurd. I'm still the Guy Drivers think I'm okay being racist and club owners and you're used to indulge them announced just like Oh yeah you have missed mistaken for somebody who talks like that and I don't I love it. I don't talk like that. I'm sorry this is evolution. I absolutely have to go like I remember I. I I took my my visit to Boston College recruiting visit and for some reason these guys thought it would be a good show if they took the recruit to a party where a bunch of guys watching porn and I just remember being horrified wanting to withdraw my commitment the next day I was like if if this is all there is in for a long four years I had this is supposed to be the best four years of your life and we're watching footage of Dick's yeah the Chinese from before I'd never seen we didn't have access to it. I didn't have the playboy channel or anything like that. Never seen in search. I I remember my friend Tyler showing me point under the guise that it was funny. Remember that excuse he literally said they start doing it in the bud. She makes the funniest down. Dan and I remember it and it wasn't funny. No this is what it feels like. You helped me get into that place of the trauma that we sort of came through right right. I just that moment boogie nights where he shows up at the Party and they're playing Mama told me not to come yeah the way to have have fun son. That ain't the way to have fun. No no that's what they were saying. Did my mom right. That's right Irena tone. ooh I had an being hip pocketed by agency that I did not sign with and this is not a small reason. Oh is that an abusive relationship relationship of the HIP pocket. Oh my Gosh Kim. It's my favorite line and Jason Bourne meets another Jason Bourne and how we feel about comedians and he goes yeah look at what they make casse. Give right that's right. We all had to do weird things like that so I had an agent and it was my birthday and he was just calling me because he booked the GIG or whatever and he was like the college ten years ago. More is doing a codge. You'RE GONNA get laid tonight and I was like standing there. I remember where I was. It's like Kinda made my stomach drop and Khakis and like this even know who to and then I go and it's my it's it's my birthday and he goes oh you're definitely getting laid and I was like moving on the last time we all those there. There were bars and there are places if you can't get laid there. What do you mean if you're kidding me when I'm never getting late and I need these places yeah but that's why you and I you know I went on spring break to Cancun in nineteen eighty nine and didn't have a kiss so I'm not stop it? There are a lot of people that got laid and didn't get a kiss. I feel like they just trailing still form at a college or a Frat or something I still feel terrible. I'm so wretched hive of scum and Villainy Yeah. I don't want to perform for pirates now. Why is it always the left leg? Can we peg the right people always sliced into the left and the parent. I used to have all all this material. I was like how Seinfeld is us. I go I was watching this brandon's and it was like what happened. Organized crime the Mafia what we had really that's all scripted. Well we had really was pirates right now. I've got to laugh and I was like you gotTa handed the pirates they manage to steal all your stuff. Kill all your people and four miles out on a boat they would announce that they're coming with a flag. Wow Wow as up to say hide your valuables. We'll be there six hours. It's my word that is terrific. I love it now. That is terrific but did you ever didn't work no. I didn't say that good but did ever what I just improved it. Did you ever do it with the skill you have. Oh right that's right. That's what I'm saying that still the confidence yeah yeah. The timing. That's Unicorn is Unicorn Unicorn Unicorn one Horn how horn writing that Oh yeah and I wrote that joke fifteen years ago and then I might too specials ago and it was one of my favorite jobs yeah. It's spring pirates back yeah. Why not I mean right? I frequently go through old notebooks and say oh I can do this hour because I also have my own audience yeah now. They know who you group of like minded people. Oh yeah people who think Gomez Alas yeah read it. That's your read it. Why did you bite your lip? I don't I don't know why why did I bite my lip. That is a great question but it would bleed it was it was a manifestation of the anxiety within me. You don't do that and also this was the this was the look that I was giving giving everybody a friend. Yeah it was just I was and doctors would ask me now. Why are you making that making that face and I would say that's that was just manifestation? I was in such pain wow and then I would also like this all morning when I okay so what is the advice. There's lots of people struggling dealing with this is going to do good things. I think to get people yes. I already said this on the last episode but I asked somebody in the audience. If they could fuck any animal what would they fucked and they wouldn't talk about it. I just was like we need to live in a world where we can talk about on depression is certainly a better thing that everybody should feel comfortable talking talking about right if someone's listening and they're wearing the doctor's coat the dentist lead coat and they're waking up and making involuntary groans and they're frowning or they're biting and they have that voice that saying you think it's just the voices just the disease. That's such a youth thing to thank you right it. Grab Yeah what we do. What is the advice? You'd give yourself when you were in the in the throes well. I didn't often take it but I I do know that one of the things that was helpful when I moved back to my mom's which was I got out of the hospital. Lease was up moved back to the House I grew up in and I had a friend who who still lived in the neighborhood but he and his daughter lived with his mother in a not the same situation it was he wasn't sick or anything like that. He just went through a divorce and needed to move back into this house and he bought it. Anyhow I would go over there almost every night and sometimes we wouldn't say two words to each other we would just watch baseball or basketball or young Frankenstein for the sixty thousand time and but I was out of the house and I wasn't alone I was with somebody and it was very least Mr Distraction some nights. It was a delight and exhilarating to be amongst laughing at things that had thirty five year long setups just just bringing up a name. This person looks like somebody we went to fourth grade with or a horrible nickname. He gave to somebody thirty five thirty years ago right. Those are the jokes that really can I interject yes last night. Where at this thing we made a guy I say to the guy? I don't know this guy I go this is val and he goes Alan got. Her name was Alan word. We go to the Party so to four and a half hours later we pull into the driveway values remember when he taught me name was she sat on it for four hours and she did it on purpose. That's that's how you do that joke like don't talk about it right away right. Turn the engine off. That's how you get a laugh. I like to use the expression Jack of the lantern around Halloween that's great but not point out that amusing Jack of the lantern and I've noticed people that are so polite they will not and say anything but then I pictured them at home later on that night six hours later saying he say Jack of the Lantern Yeah and you just let them say it. You didn't call them on it. It was like he was daring to say something things about that one. I'm a fan of saying cupcakes cakes also no one calls you WANNA call it. No one calls you to my my dad says upper state New York I once the State New York. We're GONNA cooperstown. Baseball frame and upper was dating York. My Dad is such an Alpha in our family who des Alpha upper state New York then I'm on stage in Chicago when I first started are doing stand up and I go I remember my family and I were in upstate New York and everyone laughed yeah and then I was like afterwards I'm like why are we know one says state New York right. Yeah I tell this to my brother almost immediately to this day. My brother is still says I say New York close the power of a dad but the power the the power of the comedy is the revenge were taking on our family. That's right yeah. I remember when you did my podcast the first time I've thought about it literally a thousand thousand times. Do you remember this. No I say you talked a little bit about how your family is. It wasn't very supportive of you being a comedian no and then he will you drain and come in and I said do they are you friendly with them now or do they share in the success now and you said quote they. They didn't help make the cake they don't get a slice and I think of you saying that it was this weird was actually a loaf Mama Matola jokes. Oh get it came out a Song uh-huh I wondered because you and I- friendly sweeties have this like little ember of rage. Oh yeah you know what I mean. Yes and as I get older I get better glimpses at it. Yes somebody told me a story that you're on stage in the and we can edit this out at this is weird I i. It's not that weird. I don't think so don't think I'm about to say something terrible but somebody heckled you in the belly room I think and it was almost almost as if you weren't even thinking of at some woman heckled you yeah and you see the person that told me the story is watching you and said that you picked up the mic stand hand like a mace base up and they said I don't think he knew he was doing it like you. I was so angry that your body just picked up the MIC stand and yielded it. I can honestly say I had ever thought of using own. Nobody thought you were going to do that. Weapon your hang her. Your anger sublimated well the interesting thing about the microphone stand. If you watch chit relationship we should make a cartoon where the microphone stand is an actual entity but I always notice Zayed's you're putting into the mic stand right now you should put it into your act of Oh you mean when people are fiddling fiddling and using it does a gearshift and all this and that's leaning on it and everything like that you're giving so much acting energy to this mic stand when you could be putting it into the into the room I think it's so valuable and you're letting it sublimate into the mic stand yeah and or at the seller I do this thing sometimes the league pushing up on the ceiling I do and I and I'll I'll reprimand myself Gary. Stop Putting your anxiety into the ceiling and the people laugh put it into these people people who are making you uncomfortable. I love that the my favorite band the national they had three or four records before they broke on. They said it's in the movie mistaken for Strangers Great. He said the album that broke them which is called boxer he said we took all the angst of not making it wound. How put it in the record and that's when people related to because everybody feels like a rock band that didn't make it how do people like patting Ause Walt and Maria Bamford who I worked with breath last night who have every right to rest on their laurels? Keep getting better at stand up and are funnier than ever when some people that we've seen over the years had or grew up with had one good special and then said you know what I'm famous. Now it's over. I said that developed the other night. I came home and I said when. When will I be able to stop proving that I'm funny hopefully never right well? I was GonNa say I bet Maria and patent both have a lot of here's the thing that people don't necessarily understand right. People want to be great comedians or they want to write a great script or whatever when I have this sounds sounds like I'm really tooting my own farts right now but when I have a great barefoot this whole time wow that is comfort our move yeah I think you might I wanna get out of here. Do you love Chris Fleming as much as I do. I love him off him. My word when I have a really good the idea it wakes me up. That's yeah that's what's happening. I Bet with patent or Maria Ryan said it's uncomfortable. Yes had not do the bit I have to do the bet right and that so when people want to stand up because it pays well or I like being famous. I'm like your finish your finished. It's a problem and then we we ride the problem like a steed while in who cannot that so that's why I bet those guys and the guys that you're talking about the sort of level off off yeah. I don't know if they had the illness has bad right yeah. Let's get Outta here very disciplined of me not to mention that Comedians have let me down over the years by putting out more than a couple of good specials not saying their names yeah. I still feel yeah. I know what you mean but it's our own sickness. This is one of the reasons why I'll watch a younger person special and be like there's there's no craft. It's because we're all coke yoked anymore. You see that's what I don't want to sound like but we're all coking which is not true. I know I agree but we're all co-conspirator that stand up matters. You know what I mean right so when people don't treat it with respect your like you realize if you don't respect it the whole thing falls apart. It's like the one brick and the pyramid that if you push it falls apart it's booby-trapped just occurred to me. What's that chefs feel the same way about shopping? Yeah we do about standup yeah and until seven seconds ago the idea would sound crazy to me. Ah I often picture myself if I were chef and somebody this is how I see a heckler and I'm I'm not talking about the heckler you suck the type of heckler that adds onto your punch line. You know what I mean or tries to guess your punch line that to me is a chef who peeks through the swinging doors and they're salting somebody you much seasoning the I studied Paprika in France six months but you knew how much salted tough wow and you saw before you even even dates taste that that that y you made me think of a million things chef chef. I think if I had something but then it got real excited that we had the same analogy that there are others but there are other art forms not even art forms arms. They're probably people who like there's a philosophy to slicing Sushi. Yes a philosophy to washing cars ars. That's right that's why we love Glengarry gun rights and the euro dream dreams of Sushi. We'd like people to take something. That's not that serious seriously because we're meeting making machines and that's fun to believe in something thanks and have what the Japanese called key guy a reason to get up in the morning. Here's what I thought I was in Montreal and he'd sit see the any dumps it down for most the but he's a very sharp guy. What's Pete Holmes Boston Guy? You don't realize how esoteric like this kid can go by Guy Pete Holmes as wicked shop. He say's model things change some fucking weird as Mani thing and then he goes into this Geeky guy thing. I got from ROB L. icky Guy Ki Ki Guy then I saw a book called the guy and I was like man I already know what that means means picked up the book and shredded it in the Barnes and noble kid home it. You didn't have to solve the earth I ah I made a cake feeder. Ruin Albright made it a separate cake for you to one of my favorite jokes. He's started eating the letters off the birthday cake and you its own right made its second cake for you to the ones that asked him when he went home. It was teaching Class Lisa Homer Dad. Are you going to use the socratic attic method or you're gonNA lecture and homeless. That's right Lisa. Daddy's a teacher at Val has called me out on making Simpson's jokes all the time which is just I'm never wrong. You're never I'll just go like well as they say as you know as Plato said to live and learn and she's like that was a soccer days and I go plato what a guy just never average show weakness or error and then when we started watching the simpsons together issues like you just got this from this show and that's what I told my Greg what I've met him. I was like you taught us all out of be funny. I was in Montreal. I think you're GonNa like this story and there there was this girl I think I don't think she was from New York City or in Montreal at the festival yeah and I'm about to go out. This is a six seven years ago. I still think about it. There's very few times is what I use. My big boy voice but she was talking is from my talk show. You're welcome to a Mug. If you want love good monk they're good mugs and she goes those heckling is part of the show nope. She goes. I go I sit in the front and I- heckle and if they can't handle it they're not comedians. I it makes the show better she it goes on this whole pro heckling thing and I'm sitting there just getting livid. I late and I just very calmly as I'm leaving. I stand up. I put my money on the table and I go never go to a comedy show. You are banned never go to a comedy show and that also happened when I was in southern Florida doing a show Oh and it was terrible and I said there was a pouch of fans that we're enjoying the show and then three hundred other people that were like drunk idiots Vietnam and I said split his in Tampa that sounds like that I don't know where it was but I said thank you to this group and I pointed to them and I said the rest of you never go to a comedy show again in your life good for you and then my walk off music was can't tell me nothing and it blasted and Val gave me a rigorous humping that night. I didn't even want she was into it anyway. Let's get out of here. It's hot. Do you feel hot yeah but I love this. I love this too yeah and we got to say rigorous humping best best therapy and we're on a couch where lounging it's good tall guy couch so really really solid joke about this. A deep seated appreciation for this couch because there's a deep seeded cons. It's fantastic but if you tell it again and again and again again Alaska is like the one baggy sock barely on the foot of America Harlem it limit only you so much better than all the Florida's a penis jokes. It's the smart man's penis joke. Yeah you're right. It's a great joke your good friend well. It's easy to be good friend to a good friend. Oh my God it's just love now. Welcome to the love love cast. What is the hardest time? You've laughed in your life. I always think about this. He was such a happy boy Qatar. You being like this. This book is called dead. Puppy is the first time somebody played from the in college. Thanks Sophomore year a bootleg because they were all bootlegs of the Jerky Boys Yeah Yeah Jerky. I had never never laughed harder than yeah. I'd never laughed harder and it was the things that maybe weren't the woken big laugh lines. That really got me. Should I bring all my glasses and all my shoes funny so I have them funnier should they bring all the like the nerd guy shape bring all my glasses yeah yeah yeah yeah so. I have them Mr Rosenberg. You need to make an appointment sure I do and I remember my brother playing me thirty five seventy eighth st okay no Rosenberg. It's thirty East Sixtieth Street the the key was that that that guy was so thoughtful and kind because he was probably dealing with geriatrics all the time yes and he was patient but good friends perfect straight man good for pranks and I'm not a guy who likes pranks. I always found them mean-spirited but that one that one character I feel bad I was going to do crank yankers and then I was like I don't think I can do I can't and I just I feel too bad. Yeah I'd do it if at the end I can go just getting it was a joke yeah. You want the puppet but maybe there's maybe there's a way you that you can norm MacDonald it when I say no one McDonald's and I mean the Bob sagged roast were norm MacDonald just his hat on on his mind as his hat yeah their way you can do in Nice. Maybe Crank Yankers or a Pete Holmes Crank Yankers. Does that make sense. That's a great way aided us. Does that make sense when it clearly makes sense not make sense out of it just used to do prank calls when I was a kid I'd call newbury comics really and I'd play the demo on my keyboard so go ban and Barron intent that Hannah this is the real sound and I'd go you have been called by W. B. L. or whatever it was yeah that's from the simpsons but I'd say some fake station to be our big prize winner this whole spiel and go was the wizard of Oz in black and white or color and the answer of course is that it's in both and one time the woman most people just hung up but the clerk stayed on and she said it was in both and I was like you're correct and then we were just on the line and she was like honestly this is one of the best crank phone calls I've ever gotten and I just broke character and it was like thank you so much you know like I wrote it like a sweet moment. I really love your story coming all the time. She's like Oh. He's fantastic. Have you ever read the wizard of Oz no all right right so that's something you can look forward to Leila's reading the wizard of Oz but in the wizard of Oz the emerald city is not emerald. It's not green everyone who lives there is forced to wear sunglasses with green tent so that it looks emerald but it's just a regular city yeah. It's just regular city. Wow Yeah and that's what the Great Depression is. When you take the glasses off yeah and you go bad well no? I don't think so because that's kind of that's the opposite. I think it's cynical cynical. I think depression is a filter but it's reversed you. Take them off. When you're feeling well and you see the vividness of Life Yeah Yeah Yeah? Oh that's beautiful yeah. I'm glad you called me on that because that was wrong. If you aren't depressed you would or there are some people who say well life. Albert Brooks said that life is depressing and the only sane response to it is depression and I. I just don't think that's the I don't. I think that's accurate. I wholeheartedly disagree with that as well yeah and it goes back to what I was saying about accurate but he is smarter than US yeah but it's a had in the heart you know what I'm saying. It's like the heart beats the moment and realizes that the moment it's your life right and nothing is wrong right now. Ahead head takes all the statistics of Your Life and tells you a story like we're fifteen minutes early. Shouldn't I be on the beach right now and it is a liar ended. A thief steals from you and the heart says everything's right here yeah wow. Are you a dandelions orchid. It's a great question I think I've I don't know I'm a Danda orchid a wild orchid while my mom and my father both gave me good love especially my mom yeah and I had a lot of support art yeah so I I say that my mother installed the iron man. Thank you very resilient and also very versatile at. I think it's sexier zero to be an orchid some sort of like I want to do it but I'm also very sensitive deductive. Ask If dandelions weren't so ubiquitous. It'd be considered gorgeous interesting. You can do some very good for your liver yeah. It's not a weed yeah. That's great to now drinking up well. Jerky boys is a great answer. Clearly we love each other's. Is Your Love Fest. Yeah it really was the Great Depression this'll be out on Wednesday so McKay premieres Saturday night at ten from ten eleven this Saturday no. I'm sorry this is October fifth so we'll be this Saturday yeah so when you're listening to this it's out this Saturday. Yes Gary Goeman. Hbo Go Hbo go now hbo then the John Panetta Hbo Hbo go now Congress to soul rest in peace John Pinette. I love you pete. Thank you for having me on again yeah man thanks for doing it all right

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