Brittainy Taylor: Star of Very Cavallari on E! gets intimate about sharing her life on camera.

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Hey Guys Carolina Hobby here. Did you know that women shave ten times. The surface area of men but razors haven't been up for the job until now introducing billy delivering premium razors direct to you for half the price S. of what you find in the store go to my billy dot COM to get their starter kit including two razor cartridges a handle and their magic magnetic holder for the shower for only nine dollars. You can get four wreath. Oh blades for every one two or three months based on how often you shave and express little love Barr. Show go to mypillow dot com slash. Get Real for timbers enough your razor plus. Shipping is always free that spelled M. Y. B. I. L. L. E. DOT com slash. Get real the season. You know we're on this episode. Get Real podcast beautiful in brilliant Britain Taylor joining me. She is a star. Very Cavalieri Kristen Cavalry's hit reality TV TV show on e Britney and I talk about the highs and lows of having your whole world and life unfold on TV show and what it's like like to have people judge you people feel like they have the right to weigh in on your life decisions the pros and cons of putting yourself out there and that way she just turned thirty talk about her life lessons that she's learned in her twenties and her mindset that she's moving into in the thirties. She's wise beyond her years. She's also so freaking smart she does. It not for uncommon Jane's which uncommon James which is Kristen's store. That's blowing up so she coding and she enrolled numbers some at one point. She's she's explaining to you what she's doing and I'm like. Are you speaking English. I have no idea what you're talking about. She so smart she so fun she so wise and I just love this interview so you guys get excited. Here's Brittany Taylor Okay Song Brittany Taylor. We had quite a warning we did. I mean like hi welcome Carolina so so good to see you. I am so glad that we were able to do this. I didn't forget house. We've been taxi for a minute and I mean created. We haven't like Texas that many times. They're not have the right number. No I have I look. I also saw that dismissed. Three phone calls with you. I was like I'm outside your hi. I'm I'm here. Is that okay yeah behind the Kea because that's my car. Let me just preface this with that. I am recently broken up. I do not have a house to live in. I'm so I'm essentially homeless which you couldn't guess. Oh you're in great high. No I have really awesome friends. You can stay with me and so I've been staying in everyone's wins houses but like on conditions like have to water the plants here a lot of plastic lawn over there not really sure that people show up and so like like their schedules select their lawn mower or a guy for caitlyn showing up tomorrow but the pest control for here is today so like people run out of the House and I have absolutely no idea who they are what they're doing and so this beautiful walks in which by the way my sites at twenty one over one hundred. I don't have my glasses on and I opened the door and I mean my towel and there you are you're. Are you pretty tailor your Birdie. We've met hung out several times right. You look like you saw ghost and I did. I did like who who is this person in the living room. I thought someone had scheduled for this house. I thought like the owner scheduled. Whatever and I miss something because that's kind of my life right now home so I was like wait a minute. I couldn't have been for me and then I was like. WHOA WHOA pregnant blind caroline okay got it. We did schedule them. We did okay did I. I was late to my own thing in the House that I was already in when you came. Okay Hey L. I think keeping an exciting keeping real. Why not the new twenty thirty is the the new twenty? You're living your best life best. He and I feel life. You know hungover means three cups of coffee a forgotten podcast meeting and a dog that seems to be crying and hair that looks like this no makeup and filming in thirty minutes after we throughout this that's going on. I'm living life known saying definitely not definitely not dead. I think it's amazing God. I just I'm gonNA live vicariously through. This is going to be a lot of fun. It's GonNa be a Lotta Fun. I literally like my girlfriend was like what's your what's your goal now. They like things things you know. Things are changing in like but like I just WanNa have fun and then sure enough. This picture shows up from last night. Oh this looks share okay. Let's hear what what was. The pictures will explain. Selena lot is actually my right now. We are filming season Agree Cavalieri. That is my leg while you're on your back with your leg and the Aaron like splits position. Look at everybody being like what's happening. Is this filming on this this yeah. This is last night so your document. I can't wait to see this. Printing gone wild so season three a very cavalieri. A lot has happened in this show. Yeah a lot has happened in life and it's all been documented. Your Life has all been document the show yeah. How do you feel about it. How do you feel about having your life. Documentary Reality Show hasn't been fun. It's I mean fun is not the word what what is it like. It's surreal first off because I truly don't think that I'm anything special. You know like I like not that. I'm not like in life. I have people that love me and I love them but like when you think of like your normal everyday life and you're like wow I'm like taking a shower and being late to meetings having a nine to five you. Don't you just don't go what about me is totally interesting. I think people are GonNa like connect with and relate to and find either fun or cringe-worthy or whatever the difference is that they feel so leg that to me. I was like wow people more actually like pay attention yeah okay and then that's the scary part is what am I saying like. What's my voice now because like if people are watching then I have to say something with a backbone and did you know that wasn't happening when you first on the phone the first season or you're just like oh. It's not real okay so I remember telling ring my now ex. This is so weird that John Henry all been <hes> a little over a month. Now Okay so it's like hockey yeah but I feel like I've gone through the grieving process and I'm not like in the stage of being. Let's just like Party party. Fresh Yeah so saying that I I remember telling him. Hey there's this pilot and I. I don't know I don't know like I like. I had just gotten a phone call like hey would you consider doing a pilot or would you consider interviewing interviewing for it and so I did and I didn't. I didn't think I was going to cast it by any means that I was like wow I I'm all over the map clearly in life and in my storytelling so there's no way they're gonNA find interest in this and then we did the pilot and I thought that's where they develop like the characters they decide like who secondary or who like who story they're we're going to follow and obviously everything revolves. Kristin Kristin Cavalieri from the hills from the OC no not from uh-huh G. OG of Reality Reality TV Laguna beach was like the first one ever still such an insane following. They brought the hills back. I I know isn't that crazy yeah so yeah so I you know like start off. Okay why work for her so obviously there's the relevant so you already were working for her not entirely so today. I knew her. I was working at Taco at the time so weird best talkers in Nashville they are. They're really good actually best Margaritas in Nashville so I was over there yesterday clearly really <hes> but I I was. I was doing catering. I was working in catering for Bartok at the time and block agency mark would come in with Krista than so. There's there's all these little conversations we'd have here and there and then and that's a casting town agency yes and so I worked for Marco. Mark is also one of her really good friends friends and he knew that they were building a business and so even though I was casting for the show also handed in my resume okay and had like an interview with Kristen about like what I could do okay okay so I like it went from like it's almost simultaneous how it happened together and then it just became like I developed a really amazing relationship with Kristen and a love for uncommon James and so the job really losses yeah in the stores and Matt Mays and we were rolling in Chicago now. We have a temporary location. La and so she's really taking off and it's really been great to like work under her and and work with her and <hes> you know friend mentorship and all of that but but as you manage the store right I did now I'm director of. It what does it ideas like everything you can imagine so like from like fixing printers to like adding software till like building code. Can you build code <hes>. Are you genius like that. I'm weird you can build code. Yeah Yeah Begin Binary. Don't ask me to do math though like I'm serious in one's only what does speaking binary even Zeros and ones and like when you go in the back of something and see how it works and operates like else I mean I can read it yeah. Did you go for them. Oh my gosh I originally went to school for video game design and everything like a total nerd but you're like so hot in this video grandma's boy Gamer. That's what I thought I was. GonNa be like. I was like okay. All the great like Producers Video Games are women like people really don't know that but ah I was like okay I can be like grandma's boy. I can speak it with all the little nerdy crew and like and be like a girl on top like this'll be cool and then that's not the way the world went grandma's is blaming. It's a movie of a woman that runs a video game company on my God no no. I'm having so much today Knowledge College today so you're director of. It okay so how has it been having your life on tv because you got casted. You didn't thank you would pile would happen then. Didn't I mean we. The pilot in didn't think first season what happened first season happened didn't think seconds happened and when and truthfully like not not not to scare you wanna make it sound treacherous but like no one is really safe because the job is contingent upon the show and vice versa so like you really have to work in the business is professional and the more that it's grown roane. It's become even more pertinent that we're on the same page and like I'm literally just got a phone call right before I was taking a shower getting ready to go home and then I have to go to work mark so like I you really can't just be on the show unless you're not really a part of the business because otherwise like growing so fast. There's no time for like back <hes> like. I don't know if that's like to park but for the shit like you just have to like you have to get your job done and the company. I mean like it grew. It's grown on like I mean exponentially in the last year even compared to the last two years that it's been around so it just it's been insane so saying that it's great that the show has done so well for the business right like it's a great platform and it's really quickly but anything that build really quickly has a lot of like hiccups along the way 'cause it's just blowing up so fast. Oh Yeah we couldn't find enough bodies to get in and be like okay. Can we need to ship things out like Oh. We went from like hundreds of thousands of dollars the day like a store like on weekends. You can't even walk through so you know we went from like one register to register to register and six IPODS. You know like it's it's it's that's incredible but the downfall of it being on TV is that everyone is gets to see all those which I guess makes it relatable and it's cool and but you like open yourself up to a lot of criticism that I think in the beginning I really was not emotionally equipped for so what came at you in the beginning <hes> <hes> well. I think everyone in the show I was trying to find their way except for Chris because she's been doing this forever right. So there is a lot of friendships that I thought aw I was building that maybe he got blindsided and then had to learn the hard way on trust and relationships and shows and you had like some feuds is to <hes> they're real feuds. Are they are are you. Do you have just gone your separate ways or I. I was actually on another podcast and if you had asked me a couple of months ago I probably would have a lot snark your remark than I do right now but right now. I feel like I'm at peace with it. I think that I've said my statement eight -ment and what I said then what I say now is that I I want. Everyone to eat does not at my table and I just figured that like I want the best for. Are you guys and everything's GonNa be great on your end and I pray for that but <hes> I've gotta work on me and so I I I think I've laid it to rest but what I've made. I think the thirties made me decide what I want. When I don't want in my life okay so what does that. I just want fun yeah I just want to. I want to have good people. All I WANNA laughs. I don't want to worry about stuff. That's like insignificant and I feel like in a Lotta ways. There's so many big things happening in the world and there's like again like the business is building but then and there's you know there's other things that you can do like like charities. Are you know are are working within the community or you know really building relationships or even like what you're doing like. Being a mama like things are so much more important than worrying about someone saying by your back so if it doesn't serve you then you gotta go and that's where I'm at and that's the thing that would being on a cast last show like this so it's like it's Kinda hard to go when you're with these people all the time <hes>. How do you deal with working with people that you just don't vibe with <hes>. I'm really bad at it. I I wear my heart on sleeve. It's really hard if I don't get along with someone. It's it's very noticeable and not like I'm mean or I'm militias. I just shut down and I think it's because I like protect my energy. I've I've been getting. I've had this new core group of girls that are amazing using okay and I think I've seen you on the lake and stuff yeah. I have a girl tribe. Now which is so cool on. Is that amazing. One of the girls is in into a UH stones and crystals and things like that and I remember being run us one particular person and she was like I can just see your energy shift like you just like and she goes. You're protecting yourself. It's really good because every time this person talks to you. It just seems like you're sucking the life out of you just to have this conversation and so she handed this blackstone own apparently black stones and crystals are like to reserve the energy kind of thing so saying that I have a tendency to isolate and <hes> kind of remove myself. I seem very disconnected and disjointed but I'm professional. There's a business run in in everyone has a part to play in. It's it's not my business if they're there whether or not we have a job to get done so you're. Kinda got it just like blocking think so yeah. I hope so okay okay so after after the show became a big hit after season one in like it became a reality what happened in your brain like how did you transfer into this new mindset. Instead of people are watching me. My whole life is on TV like you're having feuds on TV. You're having your relationship with your then boyfriend now ex boyfriend like all all this is happening on TV so vast so. How do you process all that not well. I'm doing breathing techniques. Ivan Gordon a yoga. Do you have anxiety diety. Oh I mean if again like if you had asked me month ago my anxiety was through the roof and it's not for any other reason that I was like holding everything in and I have been really researching like emotional trauma okay and so I I think what happens is when you put yourself through a traumatic experience like not to be dramatic putting eating yourself honest age essentially and opening yourself up to criticism all across the board your whole personal life is now open for everyone my work my friend. Nothing was safe life and everyone gets the right to judge it right and then you had to learn to train yourself to not read. The comments are people mean not so much. I think the majority of people that follow follow actually like I get some really great inspirational ones like you know like I like. I've senior journey and I think you're doing a great job and you're like a really great <hes> beacon beacon for women in business and things like that but then there's all the little ones that are just like you're you should be fired. You don't belong in your physician or you can't you're an HR nightmare or for your boyfriend doesn't or he doesn't deserve that and here. You're going to be alone because the way you act so that that's a little tough to hear because because I am I honestly would rather body shaming really than than work ethic shaming or like my life shaming work. Ethic is everything to you. Oh God yeah I was like please please. You have no idea I work seventy hours a week like no way but then I then I try to like get quirky with it and I'm like H R me hot like and then you you actually can't you. You can't address it so you just have to ignore it. It's so hard in how do you can you just not look at it or is that just impossible. I've been getting better okay but it is tough because because you want to see you want to be accepted. I think that's the whole point of social media right like you're being social. You're talking to people you're having you're engaging and you're having a conversation for whatever it is for for likes or engagement or influencing and you want people to follow your journey because ultimately you are you are you're what you're becoming a brand similar to what you do but in that there are people that are entitled to their truth in their opinion of you and you just. It's been a ride to not take it personally yeah. I've been really reading those four agreements if lowering my phone like that. What are the foreground minutes. Let's go through everything in here so the impeccable with through word don't take anything personally that was that's it is don't make assumptions and always do your best that is so true but I have to like when those moments are happening. I have to really do it is the not taking personally without the hardest yeah. Because how do you not how do you not look across the table and someone says you should be fired and you go y. What do you mean I should be fired like. Why did I do and all you. WanNa do is prove to that person that you're right but in in the same fashion the people that are loving on you and not all because you have friends and all that but the people that are loving you on the suit on social media. They know you just as well as the people that are hating on you. So why are we feeding the energy towards the negative right you just across the board. It's great but it's also very superficial and if the show went away tomorrow I'd be nobody no you would donovan well. I mean in the sense of like I wouldn't be relevant to make you know to make those calls wouldn't be as engaged in your personal life may right so at the end of the the day it is truly relevant thing and it's not doesn't necessarily have to have them meet behind the bones kind of thing you know and I just have to. I had to really least down with myself and be like why is this triggering me you know why do I care so much and the truth is I wasn't proud of myself. What were you're not proud of. I'm I am very big on self deprecating even in this conversation I watch myself say I'm nothing special. I know you're so special but I mean I'm special to myself in my own right but then I'm I'm like I don't. I don't want to come off fine. You know like by what is that that makes you not want to own your worth and your specialness. 'cause I struggle with that. I've always struggled with like owning being. My word never thought that about you. Oh that's been my biggest trouble my whole life. Yes just not feeling worthy. Tell me how <hes> I just always feel like the runt of the litter really because I feel like you shine whenever you walk in overcompensate. I think I shine hard. WanNa shine see. It makes me teary because it's true true. I and I'm getting so much better at it. Like you know. The more you learn this about yourself. You have more you like embrace all of your <hes> once you accept accept these things that are lies but I just always felt like someone was better. Someone could do it better. Someone I always didn't I just didn't feel worthy or food or like if I get in a situation where you know I could have like a great thing happened. I always feel like I don't deserve it. Yeah I feel the same way. I don't know why I feel. Oh that way because I know I do and I know work hard and I know that like I bring everything to the table that I need to but it's also like yeah I just. I don't have that like Uber Confidence. We're like this is what I deserve. I hear I have arrive. Thank you world for giving me my stage. I never had that to your point though L. Like something I've always thought too is like there's always someone prettier smarter worthy more and and the truth is there is always somebody better but nobody's you and I think that's where I like. I have had to sink in. Can you tell them. This is the truth. You know I know but I never had that feeling though that <hes> deprecating trading I've always been a comeback kid into like I've always dealt what I think is always been the hard road and so but I think do it to myself. I don't think like I like when things are starting learning to come easy like this. Show right like I I got it. I'm like there's no way I'm getting acid. I was like there's no way I'm getting this job the job there's no and keeping this job and here here. I am like I've gotten. I've gotten four raises three title changes since I've been here. Mike why at what point am I going to be like man. I worked my ass off and I deserve to be here so you're not there yet not one hundred percent. Sometimes I sit back and I'm like I got this and there other days where I'm like. I don't I think I think what it really comes down to is. I don't don't ever want to take it for granted and I think at that instead of like just saying God. I am so thankful. Thank you so much my intention today to do better than I did yesterday today and I will get there. I go oh my God. What if I lost it right like what am I if I do something wrong like what if I'm not wearing the red offered or what if I'm not saying the right words like what if I don't connect with this person like what's going to happen and I just I lived I lived I will say as of today I feel like I'm a lot better at it but I I was living in fear that being a change at all and that comes to with that my entire life was opening up on a screen and the the hardest part about it all is not necessarily the fans or the the social media or whatever it is it. The hardest part is when you go to work doc or whatever conversation we have. You Go home and tell your lover your friends like man. Mackerel Britney like you know whatever you truly feel about me and I will never have to. I know about it right. The difference here is six weeks later. I watch it on screen. I watch what the conversation was between us to. I watched my reaction. I watch your reaction and rehashes rehashes it all over again and I'm like and then the world gets involved and then the world gets involved and it just doesn't become personal or intimate and I think that that to segue until I my relationship and why that has ended is dot kind of gotten to it was taken over and we lost a lot of what made ourselves special and I don't think it's it's not the show's does fault. It's the fact that we didn't foundationally have it together when we started and it really does dig deep but you just I mean you have to really be solved in who you are what you're doing. The other wise is GonNa fall apart because dot the point of what they're doing the story that they're telling they WANNA know every little like nook and cranny of insecurity you have <hes> and they they wanna see you build out on it but they wanna dig it. I and so you start like opening wounds. You've never thought you had before to give great stories right. Heo Caroline Hobby here. 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Listen and subscribe at Apple podcasts or on the iheartradio radio APP or wherever you listen to podcasts. Is it prompted or is it like how do you protect yourself then. How would you suggest not that everyone in the world is going to be on a reality show. That's a hit like how do you maybe everybody. How do you protect yourself. I think that the I think it's the same thing in any media like even whatever the realm you're in if you're a boss in your in your work if you're an amazing podcast journalists like if you're on a reality show you have to literally sit with yourself self when you enter into a new realm say what part of my energy am. I going to give like am I going to allow them in in in the sense you know I I don't want a lot of it has to be public and I have to talk about a lot but there are things that I have told myself in my relationships that I will not talk about like my girlfriend's friends and they call on camera there. They know that there are things within our friendship or stories that we have that like we're like no no these are sacred things <hes> but you have to talk with those people and you have to talk with yourself herself. I have no problems and this is something that happened. Last night where I was like. No I'm not talking about that. Are No. I'm not doing is that new for you. Guys knew when did that start happening <hes> last year because I watched it start to crumble was crumbling just in lake life life only because like again again even though the show revolves around uncommon james like I saw it a job to do and I was getting so worn down thin. I was working like sixty seventy hours a week at work and then topple on thirty hours of filming and then trying to make everything else work in between life and maintain your relationship right and not feel guilty like not feel guilty that something else in my life was taking turn right <hes> and so like a really honestly why turn thirty like my thirtieth birthday. This is my golden year so thirty on thirty yes girl and I I like wrote these intentions for myself. I'M A G write down a lot. I was really impressed with mice okay. Let's hear him. I love intentions. I think that's so smart to do that. I get these because I think you have to set goals for yourself or else you. You don't know where you're going. Yeah and I think that like what I learned to like. The difference between the goals and my intentions was like I I I these are things that I feel for myself. You know like I can like a goal like to me was like okay. I WanNa make millions of dollars you know but my intention was to love myself. You know they're both attainable. Well I mean one more than the other but right. I feel like the difference too yeah. I said different standard like your career goals okay. That's one thing but your personal no self goals. Yeah like my my Soglesby Soglesby. I love that your soul goes okay. What are your goals so I intend to forgive myself and move forward and that was is for personally the stuff that I had loud on TV and and the fact that I felt like I lost myself and I was getting at at this point I had been getting mad at everyone was really angry and truly. I was just mad at the little girl inside who just couldn't speak up for herself so I said I intend to forgive myself and move forward. I intend to not allow myself all victims of circumstances of my past or the thoughts of others that are beyond my control. I intend to be a leader under my own strength and growth guide others in that direction. I intend to not take things personally and reflect before react in the moments that I do smart. I intend and eat healthy more kind of works a little bit and keep my body. I keep the castle. That is my body strong. In abundant. I intend to keep my mind in a positive thoughtful growing in ever-evolving evolving state I intend to love with my whole soul and sharing my heart thoughts with those I care for I intend to love myself unconditionally and not be be afraid of the heart interpersonal communication but always remember the hug the little girl within for she is so loved <hes> and then I talked about intend to be writing again and don't don't for the most part. I think I'm really living truth. You know that's so powerful. Yeah I think a one of those things that all of the all of those had uncommon was I needed to be okay with being on my own and not not just physically but emotionally be nuts out and I think for a long time I had been very codependent on how others felt about me giving me the energy that I can only get myself. How do you break that. 'cause that's hard like the people pleasing. You have to purge like I did. I A and not not not necessarily people which I did but I had to purge. All these thoughts like I literally would say something and be like okay. Why did I do that. Like why did I sit the the other day. When I was just like I can't do that. That's way too hard and I remember going. Why is it hard is a way to hard because I don't want to do it or as a way eight to hard because I can't do and what do I mean by can't like can I research it can figure it out to do. I just need to ask for help and just being really truthful with myself like okay. Maybe I physically basically can't fit like pick up a four hundred pound barbell because there's just like doesn't work but if I needed to move it. Could I figure out how to do it so when when you said I can't do. It's too hard. What was the actual answer when you thought about it. I just needed to ask for help and were you able to do it yeah. The other thing. Too is like I this stage in in my life. I realized how frequent stubborn I am. You are yeah. It's an ego pride thing to be like. I've done this. I did it you know but it's much more. I someone told me in in transition in my life that strength is not determined by what you do on your own. It's determined by how you get through it and the strength of knowing like your limits like knowing that I physically can't do something on my own so I have to lean on someone or lean in and that's been really eye-opening experience for me to be able to like lean in in two other people and onto the wise that hard for you I think because for a long time I thought that it might have been a weakness like if you can't can't do it. She's a lost cause yeah yeah and my mom going back to my family like my mom and went through a few marriages and <hes> you know. I watched her be very like codependent and I think also like I was raised like love. Don't pay no rent and kind of thing like be independent female. Get your sheepskin like and for a while. I was like I'm the superfeminist women s like. I'm GONNA do everything but like being like a gals gal or a feminist or a strong woman or an independent woman does not mean that you don't ask for help so so true. What have you learned from asking help what has actually what did you thought that would be weakness. But what has it actually been. It's made me be able to trust people really yeah because before are you couldn't trust. Oh God no because I thought everybody had a motive or intention. Why did you think that because I think that's just how I felt. I'm like if I like I feel like with everything that happened with the show like things were just kept secret in the beginning and there was no discussion about it and no talks because truthfully. I would take it when they you were like hey. We don't want you to talk to caroline until we get there because we want to talk on camera right but when I first about I was like a wish you going to say to me well. You said they're gonNA catch you like yeah. Yeah get you on the track. It was like a fear but in reality they just wanted to catch an authentic conversation. Totally that wasn't already had right so that same thing with acting asking for help. I think for a very long time I thought if I ask for help they're gonNA they're gonNA walk away and they're gonNA say wow Britney is really weak or Brittany's. It's really emotional or she's not good enough of an just comes from like self-doubt like that. If I ask for help people are gonNA think a Moocher or they're gonNA think I'm like week week. <hes> and reality down to. I thought I was weak but in reality no like it's been greatly this core group of girlfriends. I was like man I you know. I'm going through this break up. I don't so if I can say we we live together and like stay at my house and my short absolutely like doors open and I realized that people don't offer health that they don't want to give that makes them feel oh good and that was a great thing so I could lean on them and then I can show appreciation and then that develops a relationship and I have this forever friend that like I don't know I I don't own them. Anything like I don't have to pay for my stay but I need love right. Just love sharing love and being there for your friend because that is isn't that what life is really but it's allowing yourself to be vulnerable yeah. Has that been hard for you to be vulnerable. I think so but you're doing it I think so. What are you learning about vulnerability. Oh Gosh that it's scary why why is it so scary because I feel like that's one of the hardest things for people to lean into being vulnerable because you're exposing the fact that you're showing your Kryptonite yeah but we all have it and we all need each other so will being vulnerable. <unk> is so beautiful but it is such a hard thing to do yeah but it is beautiful WANNA. Do It 'cause like you realize I think the the only thing I can describe it is like like literally like there's a picture of this. I think this boy and he's like handing. It's like a cartoon UNAMENDED. This boy like haning is hard to this girl and it's like not to break it right and I think that that's what it is. It's like I'm literally showing you all of my cards and I'm asking you not to fold yeah so so. I don't know if I'd even said that right but I don't know anything about. I get what you're saying and I like it. Don't take don't take it all but <hes> and then like you know you share a piece of yourself and I think that that part of like loving with my whole heart like part of loving with your whole heart is like giving someone those those the same things that you were afraid of because they can't love just the best sides of you know you know they have to they have to love and the same thing about you know when you when you do shows or when you do go a little too so far maybe. I've been talking about this break up way too much like I want. My girlfriend's be like all right girl time's up figure this out. Let's get a drink. Do you WANNA massage. It'd be like we go out for an I like because that's what that's where that comes from because you can't sit in your own shit all the time to cry at a high don't have anywhere to live or whatever I'm doing if I'm not helping myself or asking others for help and that all that has a timeframe of being like okay. I'm I'm going allow myself this time to grieve and this time to fix it and this time to move von and then I have another story to tell and that's kind of where I think it's most important vulnerable because otherwise I feel like you then you start just dwelling uh-huh and then it all build and then not emotional trauma I had been talking about I read this or a watch this article about like equivalent emotionally emotional trauma physical trauma and it was like physical trauma. You stepped on a nail and what do you do you address it like you figure out whether you need help or you take it out and you move on and you let your body heal and you don't think twice about it and but emotional trauma is like stepping on a nail and putting lighter. Canaan your foot for ten years and the living it gangrene your entire like has gangrene. That's the equivalent of what you're doing so like if you take all that emotional trauma and you you you hold it in you know. I've I've held it in for a long time. I think that's why my tiny is pie. You mom which the hurricane is coming. You're you're you're tied. Name is high. You Mom Pie you ma which means the hurricane is coming so it's just been building. God from your whole life my maybe baby but my grand my grandmother used to say to. I watched you. You just my grandmother's tie by the way that's where you have beautiful. You Look Beautiful. Thank all right now. I'm seeing this yeah. I smell like Tequila and your own breathe on me. I would love some Tequila. Are you kidding me. I'm ready for of Margaret Regret here. We go Noah Gert Never Gertz Villiger. Okay the hurricanes been coming. The hurricanes been coming in here it is and so I thank God it's here and you're just thirty so you can just go ahead and move through it. I know I can create whether island now you can create island. You don't have your free. You're you have no kids. You know man. You have really just responsibility of soul searching for yourself and making sure you're happy so it's really the perfect time for the person to hit yeah. It is and you have a backbone of life now because you've lived through a lot of things without being cynical because I don't think that there is very much in my my life that I haven't forgiven myself or others and I like saying that though I can create the boundary that I will not say yes. I'm not a yes man anymore. Isn't that wonderful. I remember I remember I did that too. Because there is a season in my life I had broken up with my boyfriend. Who's now my husband. I was living in Austin. Dan and I was like I'm just going to say yes to everything because I didn't know what I wanted it so like I just like. Let's just try everything yeah which is great to you have to but then you get to the point where you know your nose and that is actually so inspiring when you find out what your nose are now to me. It's not even knows it's like it's not a hell yes or no you know it's even farther now but you have to go through all of that whole transition of like yes try it all learn your nose and then like really word you want to spend your time yeah. So how did you learn your nose. You're saying yes and finally you're tired of idea. When I moved to an island my biggest break up and I did a lot of the and you really moved moved to Nyland's Saint Thomas when I graduated college broken with a boyfriend then it's very similar rate was like I moved away. I did whatever I was like living like living the island lifelike roster foreign in having the best time of this it was the best I I do miss it a little but saying that like I that's where my ambition came from because there's only so much you can do in Iraq. Okay okay okay. I'm twenty three in this is boring today and I have to. I have to like I I got. I got something moving and then I went to Miami and I lived the life Miami. It was great but I did everything I went to every night club I could I hung out with the WHO's who in the whereas where during the what's what and then I was like God I need. I literally was like I need some God in my life lifelike. Miami's just like this is crazy and the national showed up had national show literally just like on a quote unquote about because I wanted I thought it was gonNA move to L. A. And there are some quote about. La The national and I was like natural and my girlfriend was moving here and he's like hey. Do you WANNA go check it out. I was like yeah you know what I do so we I visited in October. I I found a place in November and then I decided I was. I'm pretty impressive myself. twenty-five. I decided I was going to spend Christmas by myself. So I moved here on Christmas. Eve and Christmas and spent Christmas by myself like went to Toronto midnight mass.. I myself went to Chinese restaurant like went to the movie and spent Christmas all alone. How was that it was it was liberating. You weren't sad I mean I miss my family but I think that was the point point was like you know I was getting to a place of being numb of being like what makes me happy. And what do I miss and what what what are where am I where am I where am I values I use <hes> and so when you spend such a like family oriented life giving event my Christmas on your own you really uh realize what you miss and I needed it so it just kinda like opened up cracked open. Your soul yeah I needed to believe in Santa again really happened. You needed to know Dan Dan and everything yeah. I mean ain't my own cookies but that's fine so that's amazing. Did you find out in that then that experience dance I found out that I was okay with being alone but that that's a choice you know and I found out that I missed my family and so I've really made efforts in the last five years because I was. I've been a big kid and I turned eighteen. I couldn't wait to get out of the House and I couldn't wait to go out and do adventures like I didn't. I don't have a family where like they're. They're gonNA kill me. If I don't come for a family event. They'll be sad but I really made the advance of like to call my mom every day. If not every other day I never did that. I never did that. <hes> my grandparents you know like when I go home I used to stay like at a hotel or with a friend and then like visit my grandparents now and I go I go and stay with my grandparents and visit elsewhere because those are my core people and I love them and I miss them and I don't Wanna a miss a moment you know knowing that that time is now getting so limited and it's really made me intentional on who I spend my time with because I was like where where am I missing like. Where's my heart for the most <hes> so it was it was good and great yeah? That's so true because I think it's so important at some point in your life to do exactly what you did move to an island moved to Miami. Obviously you don't have to really move these places but live this kind of life. You know where you are in the scene. You are living it up. You are like like on the town in the live doing everything because that's fun important. I think to know what that feels. It's like Oh yeah and experience. Other people like that was the thing is like the people in Miami are not people in Saint Thomas and they are not the people in Philadelphia and they are not the people in New York and they are certainly none of them are like the people in Nashville all yeah. Why don't you live in New York. I was like a summer data's. I and they're not the same people in. La like just just being able to like experience like or like via tourists in a city like just live life and like live with everybody and the greatest about traveling and like being in different places and really spending intentional time in those places that you lose any. I- I'd prejudice is the wrong word but like any stigma of how you view people because you just like. I just wanted to see people interact like I wanted to see. I wanted to go to a full moon party and Saint Thomas like I wanted to spend Christmas my own hold hands with the strange woman in Nashville like I wanted to have like the best pizza in New York City after like going to all the nightclubs like I I wanted to go and sit at a you know a game at the Miami Heat and watched the fans like during like I wanted to see at the total element of what makes the city a city and just like okay cool and then take from those people all these earning lessons of like what I won't do you know like I won't spend the my entire life without any ambition just like let a coconut fall from a tree because I think there's so much more like that. You like you're meant to be on this to give so. You can't just like isolate completely but sometimes you need it. <hes> <hes> you know and same thing with Miami like I you know it's great to have fun but sometimes you need substance <hes> <music> so it's been a really great learning experience. I think overall I've done the human life pretty well. What have you learned about people. In general I think people are at their very core really good and they just WanNa be accepted and I think everyone along the way get a little lost on what that means and how to define it and life gets in the way <hes> but I think in their very core. Everyone is just really good. You know I just I see love and everyone I mean even even the the people were ended up not being friendly with I know at the very end of the day someone loves them and they deserve it and that they just want love. Betas want love yeah mazing. You've done so much in your thirty years. You know what's going to happen. The next thirty years. It's going to be beautiful because you have such a solid foundation and I love flying instagram because you do a lot of quotes and a lot of service to measure no like self positive self talk and I actually talked a lot of people out self talk because I had really bad self talk for a long time and I've really worked on changing myself. Chocolate Kinda went hand in hand with like self worth and all that what is your self talk like. Ooh Mayan is I've I've had I have to learn to be a little gentler with myself because mine is a little sarcastic and now yeah mine's like what the fuck are you doing. Why are you doing what's wrong with you and then I had to take away. I was like stop saying what's wrong with nothing wrong with me like I remember sitting in the mirror like why am I talking talking this way but it's more the little crazy myself talk is not. I think all of our self talk is nuts but do you think it has anything to do with being a woman like I wonder like as little like when we grew up as is girls girls in middle school. I tend to like just be mean to each other. Sometimes I was that kid. I got made fun of a lot and you did oh. I think it sticks with you. I think if you are I think whatever happens an imprint child does stick with you in make in kind of triggers yourself talk yeah and I think that that for me definitely had like an impact and so having to like remove all the wiring agree wire <hes> and just like again myself talk is I might be a little sarcastic but then I turn around and go why did I just I do that. Like why am I saying that. Why do I feel this way. Why am I so reactive. What's going on with you. Did you have too much coffee today. So you'll get down to it. You'll catcher it yourself and do it with everything I do too and I think that's the good and the bad of me. Is that even like for for example. Somebody in my life had a rumor that was being spread about them and I was like well. You got to go to the source. I'll call her. Just get after it. Gallo girl high. You don't say something you know what I mean or they. You don't want someone to call you on but that can also be misconstrued as aggressive but for me. It's just like shut up instead of just letting it circulating late and spin and create a whole life. Just knock it out on the same way like if there's something that needs to be addressed letters address it right one especially if you know your intentions are good like I know personally. I'm I'm not trying to mess anyone's life up. If someone has the wrong intention of me it probably is not for sure is not my intention so let's talk about it right. Give me just talk about it and if we still don't like me then that's fine and half the time by the time it gets that person. It's already like sixteen times over the story. That was already the original one so you have to go out of the person that said it. I and I've learned to be gentle. Even about that like what's up you know and if you did say it I wanNA know why and is it something that we resolve or. Is it something that we've got to go. Go to coffee over or maybe we can't go to coffee because we'll throw out the coffee on each other but like figure out why you know and I don't need you to like me or accept me but I do need you to respect asked me. I love that that's good. That's good yeah 'cause my people. pleaser wants everyone to like and accept me. I mean it's hard. I there are days where I'm like. Please love me. I know but you're right if you can just respect you that's really the goal yeah because everyone deserves on yeah. You know just being human can be a good human. So what are your goals this year thirty years old. You're you're just starting filming season three very cavalieri. You're single. You got a girl tribe. You're living like your best life. What what's on the horizon for you and then I'm GonNa. Let you go because you've got to go film. What time is it you gotTA timing coming. We're getting a great yeah. <hes> what is life. GonNa look like in the thirties. I I want to travel a little bit more. <hes> and I think I'm really going WANNA start looking at only because I know that this time is limited. You know with like this show and all of that stuff like I my job I wanna I wanNA do really great with my job and and I want to do some really cool projects. We launched a software called net sweet and I was like my biggest project net sweet jazz. Aarp model. It's like if you're speaking. I know but it was great for me. It was like one of those are why your sweet so. It's like okay so it would be the equivalent of you starting this podcast like the gratification of like that launching okay so it's just like this big big deal for it was a big deal so now. I want to do one more big deal but I I wanna you know I really want to figure out my trajectory with uncommon James and how that's GonNa look <hes> but you know with the show and knowing that that is limited to like whatever it could get cancelled tomorrow well <hes> I want to figure out what my passion is and then turn that into something as well I think but right now just living in the moment I want to really love on my girl tribe and I just I really just want to have fun. I just WanNa like be so excited about things like I want to live live like a little child. It'd be like you know. People people have been doing such nice things for me and I I like I feel like my eyes brighten and has been the best feeling in the world is like I'm no longer numb <hes>. I'm just so excited or if I'm sad. I'm sad but I'm like I'll. I'm allowing myself to be sad. You know you're not fighting. No why in those feelings aren't bad. It's okay to feel sad. Actually you should go and feel it all the way and get through it and out of it yeah yeah because on the other side of that is a rainbow it is. I think you have to field field all the way to the bottom. Once you get to the bottom then you're like okay. I actually lived through. This actually didn't die and it opens you up in a different way. <hes> speaking of bottom are you. Are you dropping. She's do by the time this podcast Ariza. She'll be born sure excited yes. I know I mean I'm going. It'd be a mom. I don't know if I'm qualified but it's happening. Hey I only get anybody's qualified for anything. You just get blessed. You blessed just roll with it yeah. Maybe an amazing Mama I just know it I hope so I hope we're like kate and Goldie Hawn Kate Hudson and Goldie Hawn. That's my dream now one. Yes I want her to love me. See I'm already like please. He's just love me my best. That's what it is. It's like there's an unconditional between a mama and our kids so there's no. There's no worry there but I want her to like want to let me I don't want her to force love up and want her to like just loving you know like the coolest. Do you ever see the woman's a little cookie and she's like I like you. I love you mommy but sometimes I don't like you. I can handle Mike. It's like I love you but sometimes you're. You're not fun right. Okay fine. I WanNa hear you when you're typing. Yeah I guess you gotTa have about. It's going to be great. It's going to be a big adventure big relationship the big the biggest <hes> Okay Sarah. Every podcast with leave your light okay so obviously so you're super inspiring. You've learned a lot. You have a lot of knowledge wisdom all sorts of things. What are you gonNA share it. People like what is just something that you want people to know that. Maybe you wish you knew a piece of advice. Just some words of wisdom that you want to embark embark enlight- enlightened I don't try say okay. I have been living this this <hes> native American story and has been something that has really sat with me and I even want to get a tattoo of it. I love it so much but this is something that I really live by so a grandfather is telling his grandson that there are two wolves that live inside of me mhm one of them is love and acceptance and empathy and the other is hate and jealousy and anger and the grandson says which one wins to which he replies whichever one you feed. I love that <hes> feed the right wolf top tonight. You're amazing pay. I like dealing with me today. Nearly like wait to your key comes over. I'm just telling you it's going to be in this moment. You're going to meet with it. I just showed up and like you're in a towel and you're like who the hell are. You not supposed to be here today and you're like Britney Taylor like it's me caroline line hobby and I was like all my time. Is this the right. This is where it's like dude. Where's My car. We've been texting right like no. We just drag back. No we have not been texting like how did I get here. Wait a minute caroline like God. I love it. It's great. Thanks for giving me grace how you did that today. You're the best thing to this podcast. Go Great. They finally thank you. My Name is Danny Shapiro and I'm the host of family secrets. A podcast asked about the secrets kept from US secrets. We keep from others and the secrets we keep from ourselves. Family secrets is a show where you can hear powerful stories of heart right great healing and hope wasn't a season to a family secrets apple podcasts the iheartradio APP or ever you get your podcasts <music>.

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