Critical Role and the Club of Misfits (Laura's One-Shot)


The critical role podcast brought to you by Ican sundry. Hello. And welcome to another exciting episode of critical role where a bunch of ninety s wake dot voice actors Jesus. Dune Jim gender. Oh, gosh. Okay. So this is my one shot, I'm nervous as all hell, but it's going to be great. If you may have noticed tonight's episode takes place at the please don't Suez school of Schmugge warts. But first before all of that. Let's get some announcements our sponsor for the night. Our model this Brian. Sponsored by DD art and our Konta from Random House publishing. Ten speed press gamers game a story. And salmon Michael Whitworth, how Newman and John Peterson have taken on this massive archaeological efforts greater must-have book for anyone has ever played or just loves d-. It's over seven hundred images of original art, unpublished material. Pristine product were imagery in the most extensive collection of imagery ever published. The special edition of this book comes with this beautiful miss right here. Ten classic many prints of dandy artwork for hanging pamphlet sized unplugged. Unpublished original version of Gary guy, gags tomb of horrors and this four hundred fifty page. Book of legendary DDR is available now so help support the show by grabbing your copy at creek role dot com. Wash. Art and arcana sorry to interrupt you. But there's are posters in this frigging book. It's not. Official think no. Pop thing, we don't really very and Brian. Let me seventy percent of the show. Not that it's a beautiful book. And if you ain't been a dean D fan for decades going through the book is like going time beautiful. There. It is. We're seeing the pool. History. Dragging your copy at cruel dot com slash art. And arcand. John traffic. But he's sweating his new class. We get to that. Latest episode of between the sheets, featuring our very own marisha Ray is now available on the critical role YouTube channel you can tune in at twitch dot TV slash critical role on Monday for a one on one chat with. Oh myth. Matthew, Mercer one next. The all new episode of all work. No play will debut on twitch TV slash critic critical role. That's our channel Jesus is hard on Fridays. Seven pm assistant Moro that's tomorrow. I think it's gonna be a spooky Yuki episodes. I think so. Yeah. Where are you guys pair up with makeup artist Alexander award, right three artists creature creature master or just? Some of the pictures from it, and it is freaking amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Giggling about it. I wish this picking announcement sheet was longer because now it means that we have to get to the game. So I guess. No further ado, let's. I don't know we roll credits or something it's up. Committed. Crisp autumn morning. Starting adventus. It's a crisp out of morning at mog warts. It's a holiday weekend and all of your students at the school are are off celebrating the local town of. Mugs, Mead celebrating their latest squid lunch win or lamenting their team's loss. They're sipping nutter beer the five rooms. You know suites the local goody shop. All of the students and faculty except that is for you five. No, no, no. You five are in detention. You've been asked to serve in the defense against the. Dark farts. And as you file in. Early in the morning. The first the first student to walk in is. Driven gore. Sam why don't you describe your character? I. Doing accents. British. Go for it. Hello. My name is class city. Bre from bore no drift in gore dripping goal student by student. I don't even know she's. Okay. My name's class. I come from a well to do family, and I am quite mind. All around the school. Underclassmen the EPA clasp in the fifties. The ninth years the twelve years, they love me. I haven't read Harry Potter. But I'm soups popular and. If you asked me to go to problem, I'll say, no. I'm also a super awesome wizard and cross me. Bucket shit, which whatever. Red hair. Yes, you do. I'm styling and. You walk in and you sit towards the front of the classroom. Like you normally do be your followed in immediately. After by a slight gentlemen, rather. Smaller frame, Brian. Why don't you tell us about your character? Hello. Komo name's Brian. And. I don't get out these days, but. When I do it's to get. Maybe some comics. I'm built like. You know, the twins. That's it. All right. And what how are you? Pigeon claw. Right. Brian you follow in behind Claire you think about sitting next to it? But. Yvo has been uncomfortable around girls. So you end up taking a seat in the row behind her off to the side. Following in behind. Brian is a s let it build guy. He he seems really cool. He's a he's a pin. My name's Andy everyone knows make to be fair. I'm Beata for the so the pins team. Very well this year might take it all the way to the try nationals going nice. I don't care who you people. Andy comes in and sits next to Claire you guys are pretty familiar with each other being both popular students. Smell. Wet snow victory. Wet took a shower. I also brought some Brussels sprouts with me and my bag. Why would you do? That's your mother pack and for you. Yeah. Your mother spends a lot of time at Schmugge Wirtz. No, she picked the before I left months ago. That's probably why they smell. All of you look to the back of the classroom as a commotion happens. A very tall student. Shoveled he'd be handsome, if he didn't look so scruffy. Maybe walk Sandy's knocked over a stack of books as he walks into take a seat Travis. Nerd. John Bunder give a shit about anything or anyone. Go. Also in house Smith opin Smith of pen. Been here every day, and I'll probably be here even longer this accent much. Just so, you know, and. You people in here with me not mean. You. Funder comes in stares, all of you down as he takes a seat a couple rows behind Claire, Andy. And all of you stare at each other in silence until. A young Horford poor walks into the classroom, gird, he's got scars phase her hair's. All shoveled. And it's because. Instead of walking behind you. She walks all the way in front of your desks around the classroom before filing in and taking a seat behind you. Brian tells about yourself my name is some and on I'm hopeful poll. Dots of not severe probably too much. On March shoving most special thing that you told me about that night. Special. All right. Any of you? Thank. Give a boyfriend. As you stare at each other suddenly the door at the top of the steps of your defense class, you know, belonging to professor Ferguson. Slams open. Whatever. She walks out upon the stoop. Well, well. Here. We are. I must congratulate you all being on time. And thank you for allowing me to spend my day here with you instead of. Celebrating a day off. Yes. I don't think I should be here. That's been some source of mistake. These are all fuck ups. And we does and I should not be part of this little selection of riffraff if you'd like my mother can call that. What do you get out of my personal space? The time is approximately seven. Oh, six that means you have exactly two and fifty four minutes left DiPoto Wia here to think about Bunder. Would you like another detention euphemism? But this classroom. A one another they go next today. Hit with me again. Let's get to it already is two three. All three days keep going. Give me a full month. Benda? Oh, you done. No, quiet. Brian. There will be no speaking, it will be no moving from your seats. Going to give you on sinement. I want you all and she begins walking around and passing out pieces of parchment. And and quills I want you to write me and say of at least two thousand words, telling me who you think you. And when I say essay, I mean, essay don't just write the same word over and over as she speaking. There's a small tap at the door. Sake. She walks to the black the classroom the back of the classroom. Opens the door you see her speaking to somebody in hushed tones. One moment do not get up and she steps out of the classroom. It shuts the door. Well, I don't know about you all, but we have some essays to right. So I'm going to get right down to. I always finish my. But. Possibly you. Haven't little from your seat, if they mind that's great kit. That's. Get right on that. That would be fine a much quit you go. I've got five Quaid which is just enough. Not to kick your ass. Five will do it. Right. All right. The door opens backup. Professor, what did I say for? Locks back in Durban. Well, it's back in. This bit of an emergency situation. I have to leave the cost from for a few hopefully minutes. You want not to leave this classroom. Finish your assignment do is. You'll toned I have ways of knowing what's going on in. Here. We understood the emergencies you find the cat that attacked him. That is done of your business, and you Brian. We'll be hit next today's well seven of the tension. If any of you leave this room. You'll be having with them as well, two months two months detention leaving this classroom. I'll we understood has my mother called yet. Because I'm pretty sure she wants me to come home. I have to prepare my room. A very important family gathering next weekend. And she would not be pleased know that I am. I don't sound anything like that. Quite. Behave yourselves. While young adults. And she leaves the classroom. I cast file no. Our is at the top of the stairs the doors at the back of the classroom have shelves along the walls with all of the books that you're used to fence against the dark arts class. Yes, it is there any lockers or Cubbies or things around this Cubbies you've been in this classroom for years though. You know, exactly what everything is is there anything shy of her office. Pox on the door locks on the door. Even try going to just use some prestigious station to see if the door lock or unlock from which one. This the classroom. Yes. All right. So I'm just going to see if there's a locking mechanism. I can. It seems like. It seems like the school is used to students trying to fuck around with things. And maybe it's not letting do it sport. Sport. Oh. Oh. Let's seems look legal activity for someone of your repute. She you're going to damage overawed. Now, just going to tell them you did it. But luckily for me, I don't plan on staying any of. How you gonna get out? I see nothing but up Sion's in front of us. We all these don't we don't we? Big. And then you'll see that. Detect. Detect limp noodle. Core of wuss. Apply. What do you also detect? University. Tension, and she's making crow desk and around the chairman some mushrooms up each of the tests type. Teacher comes back and catches doing that. She's going to give you detention again. I'm not going to tell you that. But if she asks I will have to answer, truthfully. Mushrooms up the frontal the perception check, all of you. Oh, wow. National ones. Oh, busy making fine. Thank you. Fifteen sixteen. Three eleven. Okay. Clarin Andy sitting closest to her office. Actually that makes sense. Both of you have very very faint. Almost sounds like a small child. Is it screaming maybe calling for help from the office? To you that. Do. I mean, it would be responsible to checking someone's in trouble. They're told to stay in this room, though. And that's what we should do if the room is on fire, we would have to leave, but it's not on fire and could be on someone's someone's yelling. Claire always miss perfect. No. I'm not perfect. I just like I see no reason to break the rules, and I'm going to until. I'm with you. Andy, Adele, you to go first. Okay. Go check on the door screaming child in that can go. It's probably related to you since you're such a fucking baby over there. Well, see language flip off. Go to the dole. It's not. Okay. I'll get up now that I see it's not locked how good up to get up at all. Probably not trout. Right. I mean, we're in school. How? I'll just hoping it's not. Oh nice. Funder? You're actually really familiar with this room having said, so many detentions a lot of them one on one with the professor. So this is the officer used to everything's where you're used to seeing it. Person counter. Bailey. All right. So this is where you are clear. An Andy Ryan. Ryan, alison. Yeah. Totally not sharpie. And here's you under your back here. You already unless this now, but I'll use of these figures over here like sounded. This is this is our San this is Andy this is this looks like Claire because you've got the behavior because this is this midday pin, this'll be Blinder. And then this one right here is. Your girl? We'll switch. All right bizarrely, visit Brian okay? All right. So you have walked up here. Bunder joined Andy joining the top of the door. You see? How? Down. View all the portraits on the wall of they're paying attention to me as I walk stairs. There's actually no portrait. But what it used to see in her room are three large tapestries covering the walls on the one on the back. You see giant tapestry like you're used to of a green dragon sleeping on top of a port of gold. And the way it's woven. You can almost see curls of smoke coming from his nose on the left wall is Phoenix rising from a big mound of ashes, and it looks like the fire is actually glowing in the in the we've on the right wall. Is he a tapestry featuring a heard the centers is what you call a group of them. I don't know galloping galloping over a hill with a tall blades of grass. Splitting in the breeze seems to move as you look at it. What you're not used to seeing however is in the corner a little almost like a bird cage filled with little sprites pixies. You're not sure. Andy Cohen all lanes attention to. I don't even know what she's doing. Forced out. Who who she? Professor fervent. She's obsessed. She still lives from our home in the forest bind the castle. We just want to get back to our families. What's going on? Marrow and it just it just talks watch. So how many of these little sprites are in the cage. It looks like about eight of them. And are you walking in to the to the room? Walking closer seek better. Now that instead of a normal fairy they almost look like they're they're to arms on top two arms on bottom in each of the ferries have have. Eight four legs. That's how it got four four times in four legs. But they have humanoid features. But closer it's almost like a like a tarantula like they've got a for covering their bodies. Pencil pretty small. You can't really see color. They're almost a black color. Wings, Dragonfly like wings wing. They are. Got the flying in there right now. They're sitting very, sadly. What needs say look at something. Come up there when I'm good and ready coming up right now coming up right now, I can't be the only one down. No, it's fine. Just careful clearance, all sorts of exciting things in here. I'm going to stay down here until. What you need aid. You've seen anything like this before. Do you know what these are? That's an eight-pack sprites right there. Laughing. Bus. What's what's the many you kidnapped? By who break this this? Which? Back here. The professor says she wants to learn about us. I don't know what that while they're pleading is there anything on the desk. Looks like it might be worth snagging. There's a neat stack of books on the desk. Everything else you very cooling, professor bird cages. No, the birdcage isn't a corner. It's a bigger. It's almost like a square something you intricate square, you know, big birdcage. I don't know. What's in it for us few? If we let you out and I'll start try and the the drawers of the desk just to see if they open. Any beverages? There's a nice Nick contests. Have they done anything to you? Here. Took one of our friends. I haven't seen her since. Do you know where she went? How long ago don't know? It's hard to tell time. I haven't been I miss my family so much, please, please. If if you let us out I can tell you how to open her desk. Sounds to me. Note. Try it is it looked the desk. Birdcage? Birdcage cage has a small lock on it. Yes. Anybody could was locks. Oh, I think I knew what the key ish. Where is that? It's in the drawer on the left hand side of desk. Listen. Okay. Okay. As you look at the desk. There's three drawers on the left hand side. And the middle is more intricate looking at looks like the middle drawer is the one that's locked that. She was talking about, but you can open the the left drive. He wants to start on the left of Tope. Okay. You open it. Sitting in there, you see a small keep it looks like. Breakage. Doing. Together, more than tonight ability. One two three as you. Fucking sprites. Go fucking crazy. Come out into the room. I want everybody to roll initiative. Science. Until dice because I don't have like actual sprites. But I have these little dice that I'm gonna use show. No. Oh, they're so so glad up one goes over. Here comes over the corner comes up on the desk to fly out the window out the door one flies over to who is this wrong. With allison. One flies over to Andy in one house it you wonder. Hold on. Let me roll initiative. I have no idea how this works twenty twenty twenty. Twenty. Okay. Twenty two fifteen. Oh, sure. How fifteen to ten. Eight. Ryan. We are. We are sharp, aren't we? And then. Let me look at this. You you. We were out operate combat multiple. People have gone. Out here. I have no idea. Why I mistake too. Five hundred people. There's okay these are little guys. I mean, just little guys you really wanna kill. Mark. Okay. Spells spells. All right. Allie europe. I what would you like to do ongoing too? Use a can trip and I'm going to make swan grow into full Assad staff and cast Shelley. Yes. Oh, that's a bonus action. Actually, I'm hosing it. Can I hold my action to attack this thing? If texts me, yes that's coming up next. Our? The fighting sprites the one next year. Gonna bite you. Okay. So I would attack. Everything's brand new. That is a very terrible role that six. That does not hit. Okay. Yeah. That definitely doesn't. And that's it. Right. You can do. Okay. They're going to bite you. So she's gonna roll. Oh my God. This is terrifying. Oh my God. I wrote him nineteen definitely have. Wow. One d eight. Okay. That's that's good. That's the three take three biting damage, and then you need concentration. Conservation faith or. Oh, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Whereas everything that is eighteen good. You say, okay. So you only take. You take five points poison damn. Okay, there next to this one's gonna just kind of dance around on the desk and take pissed this one is gonna attack and the with. Attacks. They're going to do a Dega attack on you. But they'd have. They have little daggers through fix tiny little to fix, but they are really fucking fast. If she's going to make three dagger attack. Okay. The first two are. Jeez. Twelve that's my armor class. Okay. The second one is eleven that doesn't hit the third one is a fourteen. So it does to tux. Okay. So. Where's my eight here? Oh, that's copped transfer this acorn hat on Laura's head. It's really great. Isn't it? Ten on the first dagger. Oh, dan. And it only two points on the second one. Mike. Okay. So that's that one. Okay. The third one is she's standing on the plant in the corner. That's visit. That's the fourth one. I don't know what she's doing the fifth. One is attacking you Bunder. She's gonna bite you. Hi, paul. Oh, I don't think it did with a natural one. Oh, it's a nothing. She goes to bite you, but she's just in all of your earring and bites that instead and licks it a little bit. The next one goes after the both flew out of the classroom. They just fly out and they're like flying around the classroom. They start crying over here and bunch of books off the bookshelf and ripping things apart. Next up. Is who? On the initiative after Alison Brian you're up next. Is this the these are the only two in the room here? Okay. So. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Sorry. So they're blending into the environment. Okay. How much? Go over here and attack this one. Taking over here. Site and grit flame, no fly by creek flame. It is. All right, or so what does that say? You know, flame radiance descends on a creature. You can see the ranch Hari must succeed dexterity saving through sixteen. Okay. Let's to definitely a success at sixteen plus six. Very tiny their heart. But as you get over there. This is the right. That's me as you get over there. The plant comes alive. It's violet fungus over in the corner. Oh my God. I can't believe you fell for that shit. And is going gonna make it a Jag against you down the Neo that definitely hit with the natural eighteen so it's gonna do one d four rotting touch. So that's just four no two points damage. All right. Up next is. Cool air. What is happening there? I I'm going to stand up at the desk and say to those two sprints down there. Those books for students only. Cast magic missile was ending to darts at one of them and one dart at the okay? Okay instantly. They do great and may cause two points. So one tastes four Davidge and the other takes to all right? Cell alive. And then I will I'll I'll move. Towards them. But. Bank in turn to the right of it. So I can like hide behind the stairs or something for. For. Next. Funda- what she wants to do. To this sprite ROY here next to me, and I'm gonna cost. Frost? A frigid beam blue streaks toward the creature then rains, make a range spell attack against the tar twenty knitting. That is a twelve doesn't hit back. All right up next. That's Andy under these my bonus action to summon might be the stick. Nice. All right flies into my hand. I'm going to spin around and try and live this. I'm going to try and hit the one that took a swing at me. And I'm going to strike with with the green flame attack. Well, actually. Yeah. With this one with the green climate. Two. Specialty. Twenty seven to hit. Yes. That definitely. So that's a, wow, that's a long. So this is going to. Wonderful and twenty eight. Thirteen points of damage that sprite is just a literate blood little teeny flex blood splatter on the wall. And I'm going to flip around on top of the guests and squish the one that's on the desk. Awesome. Okay. So and I'm gonna swing squish that okay? That's sixteen that hits. It's not quite as its seven points damage pointed damage, it's it's hanging on. But just barely. All right. We're back up to the top with Alli stay with the same strategy. And I'm going to sing Masha like a golf club and see if I can smell that one against the places to me. Okay. Not a not a terrible role that is seen. It doesn't hit swing away. Swing wide nine laughing at you. It just keeps starting out of the way. All right. That is the sprites turns. Okay. Oh, jesus. This is a lot. Okay. So the one next to you alley is gonna dagger. At you. Chu chu. The first to do not hit. But third one does. That is what did I say? You know, it's just a little thing. The daggers. It's a lot. Okay. Dupe? Energy. Right. Who? The only one hit hits never mind him in a role again only one hit. Okay. So that is four points of piercing damage. All right. Okay. The one on the desk is going to attack. It you Andy for coming at her. With a bite jock though. He'll be fine twelve. The rebel bitch jock. You're the nurse spec. Erie burn. That hits. Sixteen. That's. So that six points of. Oh god. No making constitution. Saving throw. Oh, yeah. Seventeen to nice. All right. That is. Five points of poison damage. Oh, have you saved? So to three points. Okay. Driven. You're in. Right. The one in the corner with you, Brian is gonna attack you with three daggers. Dagga dagga. Oh, natural twenty. The second one is I think I know right? Abs- catan. Is it a ten does that hit? That's request. The third one is is your lucky. Okay. So that's two daggers. That's eight points of here's a given. All right. You know what I'm pretty violent here. The next one down. I was just like hanging out in the corner. It's going to start taking its daggers destroying the tapestry of the Centaurs. The ones over by the books Claire you attacked them. Why did you do that? Because they were stealing property the property of this of schmuck. Warts one his his at you the other one flies at your face. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She's gonna try to bite your nose. Oh. Does it thirteen hate? Sure. Make a make constituted saving throw. Six everyone at this table, equip armor. Twelve. What are you tactic pants twelve? Eight points of poison damage. Are you all gonna die before we even get out of this room? I right. All right. Tons of healers. All right Allie. You're up already. It's already that was fast. Just kidding Brian. You're up. I will attack. This the bitch in the corner. Still, okay. With a folk I think I'll do psychic flame again. Nice. Nice. So you must do dexterity saving through. Okay. We must beat security. That doesn't. That did not succeed. Then you must take two. Radiant. Eight. Parts eight points. Did you already hit it in the corner? No, not yet failed. It's still hanging on just a little bit. Okay. Claire. I don't know. I want acid to fly on your cast Asin splash. Nice. It has to make thirty fourteen save, okay? That does not succeed. So it takes. Three four. Barely hanging on. But i'm. At you. And. Oh god. Can I just sort of shake my hair out it to confuse it? Of course, you can't it actually seems to enjoy it starts laughing. Bunder? Pissed off cast thunderclap this sprite over here. Can't constitution saving pro. Okay. What do I have to get I succeeded? I'm sorry. It takes. I gonna say for a section source reports about us. Oh, that's right. You're a source or I don't know. Shit works type of anybody got time for that. Andy. I'm going to take another swipe at the at that one. That's not dead yet on the table was just mealy at me. So I'm gonna hit it again with my Beata. Okay. And. That's pretty good. Twenty two twenty twenty hits. I'm not. So it's not too much damage. That's just realized I'd done mind damage slightly wrong plus to balance oh. Oh. Would have killed that first one. That's us. Twelve points of damage just obliterated. I'm just gonna. Splattered across her desk. Nice messy smear. I'm gonna run over to you. Smack the one that's right in front of you. That's fine. Don't be impressed or anything. Impress me. I'm gonna use green flying again. Okay. The hits twenty six. Monster. I wrote a nineteen dicey. Really good announced eight four eight. God. That's nuts. Six. Fourteen points damage, just again, you knock her down and splutter on Allison's shoes wants mother on flan green on green five tists flaming goop. And I'm going to. I want to use my second win and get some some points pack. All right. So that's nine two points back. I'm done backups. The top alley. He gets into an men in very frustrated with that went walk over towards the other slither pin pin. In. Point this lodge Salele down just to direction and cast thunder wave against the wall. Both of those over here near any. I was going to try to not hit the pin. So I will walk up next to. Bender Bunder Bunder. So I'm not going to hit him. I'm gonna wind of him. And that is you have to do something just shoots out. And it's a con save fifteen. Okay. I'm gonna roll for both of them. Neither one succeed blonde. Two. New concept new classes, fourteen they're both. Lamma begins. The tapestry is one in pails itself on the other ones dagger. They both start sliding on the wall. Onto my shoulder at the chalk. And just. Right. Now, it is the sprites. All right. The one in the corner with you, Brian. She's gonna try to bite you again. Komet fifteen plus. Yeah. That definitely hits. So make it constitution saving through. Twelve. Hit. That his. Six points of poison damage fun. Clerck almost said, okay. L coins tricks me sleeve. All right. The one next to you. Claire. Like grab onto your hair pulling it, but like try to deg your your ear. Because you'll rude. Peru copen note say all this issue is more as charisma. Tangled up in the hair misses the second one definitely hits in the third one. Again, she gets on your earrings, so luscious I brush it thirty five times every morning. So that's four points of piercing damage your ear hole. The one over at the bookcase continues to stay over at the bookcase and just start shredding books laughing the whole time. Oh, yeah. This is a little book as over here. That's just tearing up the books pieces of Bucko flying everywhere. Air. No, brian. What do you do? I'm going to attack it. With the fuck in. With smoking inflict wounds wall. All right. Bigger stuff. Okay. So. Needed. We're all for that one. Yes. You do rolled for spell attack. Boy. Five. Definitely hits cast it level one pitcher fucking Swede. Yes. Three. Earrings off putting. Oh, yeah. That that little ferry is just like smooshed amongst the plant. In addition. You also flattened the fungus that was attacking you in the corner detection. You're I'm going to do what I did before to magic missile gets off make off me. And one bolt is going to hit the one in front of me into the one on the book show. Oh. It was the. Water. Till alive. This is. Damage face. Did one missile at the one at your face into the one. So at devils. You did too. The one on my face. Okay. Four to the one over there. Okay. Nice. Are any of them? No. Oh, it's the only one everything in this room has been flattered so all that's left is out Claire screaming like run out. Down the stairs. The top of the stairs towns. You. I'll strike oppose and try Ray of frost again. User was. All right. It's instantaneous range. Natural twenty. Business. Okay. Here we go. For. Twelve points. Twelve points of coal damage that is just completely wiped out. I saw. Why haven't? Still listen if you want to come give me a kiss get onto it at down. I am not interested in you at all about here. And Scott story, Andy you're up there's one right left. But you can't see it. No. But I've definitely heard the commotion someone at least come running to the status. Sprite down there. Sprites awful. Yeah. You can't you can't even see fucking mayhem over here. See if I can have the position where I can see this Bryant come down like that. Come. See it. I'm gonna use. It's non gonna book is what is it? Knowing on ripping pages. Catapult spousal. Okay. I'm one of the books. Okay. And try to smash it. All right. Let's say deck. Save a fourteen inning. I got a real. Oh, natural one. Andy kick invite on these little rights. Oh, no check. What an athlete. He is. That's. Seventeen points. Ams price the buck smashes up against the wall. The sprite gory on the other side of it. Down in the aftermath. You realize you? You've kind of destroyed her office. In addition to the classroom. What did you do up there? I was just down here. Minding my business. And you sit these fucking things down to mess me up. I blame I blame you. Would you blame me? Rugged good looks on his to imagine. Oh, you you'll river. No, I don't love you case. I don't want to kiss. I have plenty of other options. Thank you very day detention. Didn't send them down to you come out they flee once we open the fucking ks. So you went where you what's supposed to? And you messed with something you went supposed to and I got fucking scratches all face. Lesson. Don't mess way. You're not supposed to I read the entire desk while arguing of course, you can. Which street did it start to tear it this to our one course centers. This was the best one do really nice to have street the role really well hung. They look for it gets move. Yes. So. Swing away so als and you come over. Here you go rifling through the desk. You see what you find? Nothing really of use. But you do find a lot of drawings of Centaurs. Oh, I'd like to be. Of a spider creature, which is interestingly enough, nobody noticed. It's similar to a little the spider that sitting next to her desk under a little bell jar glass bell jar moving. Yes. It seems like it not moving a lot. But it's there. She's also drawn pictures of of the horses with wings on them skeletal wings. That's all you find in those doors. What about the good, drew? Can anyone get it? Open was the rough one I suppose you'll pretty rough. Can you get? I mean, we doing this. Then playing it on the favourties. Check underneath the I'm gonna check the drawers can open if I can find a key. If she's maybe done the thing. I the key investigation. Fifteen fifteen he feel around the back seems like somebody stuck a piece of gum under one of the jars rose you keep searching. Oh, that's so growth anything. You can't feel really like a little bit of a. A lump. Something sticking out just a bit on on the second drawer. Press you press it and the door opens up in the middle. On the inside you find just one sheet of paper. And it's a it's a letter from headmistress big, log -lica-. Glock, la? Letting letting professor fervor know that. She cannot accept her request to become the the professor for care of magical creatures. I don't know what I can say. And what I can't. Tries k j Dowling would be. Saying that they have a really wonderful care instructor already. But should the position ever become available that she will definitely let her know. You see little splashes of water on it. Like she made been crying over this. Feel buying. She really wants to be cared a magical screeches teacher. Explains a bit. Still no way to open the main role though that was the main that was she was protecting that poor sad. Little letter. She we dispose of these sports every little press the digitization to get rid of the goat on the loan. Clean up the whole bloody place. Now after us all lots Grech. You so awkward in my life. I would like to also in this remote night to search behind the streets evening hidden going investigation. Look for any way out of the room. There's any way out of the classroom door. There's is there any there's no secret. I mean, you can look you already. Why waste five feet of taps. I will use press detention to clean up some of the gore on me. Nice and fix up my face a little bit. You make up looks really good now. And also, I'll clean up some of the the nasty bits because they don't want the teacher to see nice. Yes. So what's the story? They like broke out and go free and flit. Got ninety. Find the lock on the on the on the cage. I'll take one of the tiny digress. From the little tiny sprites down there. I like it more. We we got attacked. We hit a rockets. We came upstairs. She must be coming back. Actually, I'm going to run to the classroom dole and just put my air to the door to make sure that no one's. I can't have anything perception check. Lever from meat head. I don't like getting ten you push your ear against the door. And you can hear that sound. Maybe like. Whispers on the other side. What what? He wants us to smell of fought. People dole. What do they say, what are these very subtle? You can't you can't tell you can try opening the door to find out. Little one. Let's check for liquor in the teachers the teachers. The teachers. Last nine you do not find anything give head downstairs classroom. Look, you can try the door. Cricket. I'm not. E c pretty dark hallway the school is kinda shut down for the weekend. But you see your your view normally when you exit the classroom, which is. Down one hallway. So your classes at a diagonal and corner to the right is a hallway that leads up until the further west wings to the left is a hallway that leads to the main stairwell will take you down to the main entrance. The great hall. Sneak out of here. What happens when they get back? We'll say we would chase after the sprites after they broke out. And we were trying to get them back for the teach. Do you want? Stay wait for them to get angry. I mean, I brought some ammo with me, but I'll still go. Some meals ready to eat. I know why he knows that. Why do you know that he's been following me? She she. I've been following. You just sit next to him a lot of my classes because I'm very smart. And he's very smart. I see him popping open these things over time. It's really gross. It's like astronaut food. They're like little freeze dried pieces of shit, and he just eats them. All the time. It's why he stinks to high heaven. It's disgusting. I know it's a fish int- or whatever. But it's it's not right. And I don't like it. Sit next to him all the time and cause yes, some chic chic sheets all the time. Do not cheat. Sheen's chime. Making sure that you don't cheat. You. I have had the finest tutoring and the finest education forty to me unite in the back of classes. Seen it. I I've never seen you in a class with me. Probably pay attention too much. What do you care what we think up at sunk don't when I finish here. I will get a job at the finest. Wisit? Witch when Spang there is and I will be just fine. You have a hand will be Rausing in some witch gutter somewhere. Blink dots. Perhaps been and it's very pretty bring a flower as making silly lion. Appears around. Off of me. I don't want to stay in this costume any longer. Footing open the dole make my way. Wait, wait, I wave my wand uncast pass that trace on. Nice guy selfie that. How I don't ever. See you in class. Everybody stopped checking ten yet. Twenty two. Twenty one. Twenty seven. The role twenty she's a little weeds. This is just a self check close to ten seventeen. Oh, what everybody else wrote really want? Okay. Which way do you guys head towards select or the the whispers? You heard the whispers over to the right to the right? And then to the left is towards to the left is the big stairwell. You know it. Well, it's the stairs mood. They'll take you to every level. But also to the main home we could eat left where we could see these list about. Go to cook. As you buy you see with the whispers are. And they're the paintings on the wall. You see a painting of of a jolly looking man sitting. He he's been looking very frightened actually frazzled students students. Do you know what's happening? No jelly van. Sprite's that attacked us in the room. Is that what you're trying to? It's coming from from down below. Did you hear it? The professor came out running the painting next to him chimes in its she seemed very frazzled. She seem very very very scared. Indeed. That she go. She ran below down that way. What's happening? We don't know shit talking to somebody. But can do it was remember classrooms? We know you saw you. Find out what's going on. It's very dreary up here. Back and remember to tell you. Tell me a story won't you? Yes. Yes. Yes. The men chives next door cutters story. Stay put every turn around and head downstairs or towards the already feeling. All right. By the way. We did just get attacked by spies. I'm not feeling so good. What's wrong with couldn't talk sports? Little pale Pelonomi could use a little. Yep. Does it help hurt? Depend. I'm not really concerned about people that sort of. Are you doing? Seeing as how this sprite attack was all of your fault. I think that you all should be responsible for making me whole again doesn't lecture sound like the one percent. Yes. I am the one percent. And I got there. In your parents. Yes. I am Harrison some of their work. Show. You were in the house. Did you get a small loan of war? I'll do how bad shape for you. I I have never felt worse. I could take care of you. You should for one month. You have to tell everyone that we're best friends. And you mustn't, wink or give it away. You must with that plastic face of yours. Convince people with best friends for one month. I will tell people that we're best friends for one month. But no one will believe that. They know you know, how weird you are. And how attractive I am. Because the cat up totally back that up. That's great. I had done the hallway. Thank you. You're not gonna heal. I would tell people. Not let convincing way. Fine. I will be convincing. Please Brian please face away from her. And I. Let's see where like how easy to hit. Oh god. Really? What's Hudek, Sarah? The nobody's of. Eleven deaths series eleven. You're ten very under. We're going to need this. We're going to do this. Nine points of healing leading Hugh, Brian see classy young man who's been taught. Well. Not interested. I have plenty of boyfriends. Thank you. All right beat magazine boyfriends as you head down the hallway you see on your right hand side. There's a door that leads to your level one spells class that you took years ago first year at school, you will know it. Well, and then straight ahead is the moving stick. Thing from schmear ish- mater. Yes. Classroom is closed. No. It's actually opened. Creek dot classroom. You can hear a little shuffling inside of an inch. Hello. Did you like me to make some? Ken, let do I've been doing that since I was fifteen. Last year. Room lights out and in the corner. You see? A little. How south? Because very sorry. Didn't mean to be out here for you to see her. Place appear. How south? What is going on? There's a bit of a commotion the lower levels Beatles. Very sorry for it. People hopes. It didn't disturb you commotion. Beetle start hitting her head against the wall. Who is your master? Shimao goatee, my master or you belong to the school. She's wearing clothes. She's wearing a very nice little clue. Gorz logo on it actually of well, we are students of Schwartz. So we pay the tuition affords your finery is. So in a sense you. You work for us. So we would request kindly that you tell us what's going on. Perfect for right jeeze. Are student makes a very good point. Wants to tell you don't meet. Help help to tell us. No beater needs. Help them below that sounded really dirty. The great holidays. Next to the great hall and she advocates out of the room, which is. Level when? No potions, and there's nothing there's just an empty desks and board of the front of the classroom listing spells if you all know like tonight, something fishy here teacher runs out the portrait's scared. And now one of the house tells us to meet her downstairs. Yes, something is afoot. Here. We should write a strongly worded letter to the practice of this finding kademi, and we should get a partial refund on our tuition and possibly accommodates. Let's go. All right. You make your way out into the very tall pillar where you see bunch of staircases moving. You know that one of them will take you down. And as you start to get on it it starts shifting slowly over like it's going to another entrance to you run downstairs. All right. All of you run and make. Acrobatics. Check. Six. Oh, eighteen nice one eighteen nice. So the three of you run you make a flying leap in your you. Make it across easy peasy note. No, sweat you. What would you roll? Ooh. Yeah. Bunder? Ooh. An Andy very surprising is such an athlete as you run forward. Both of you leap at the same time and actually run into each other. And as you leap barely catch the edge of the archway. He was sterile. Allison. Polo, andy. Right. All five of you safely across he start making your way down to the great hall. Right. You enter. Very dark as you're walking down the stairs. You can see a raggedy looking cat crossing your path. She's looking around with seems red is she crosses your path. Everybody make a stealth check. We have here. Natural twenty four twenty six means what? Nineteen. Twenty two twenty eight. All right as you walk him. I'm going to critically. Thank Brian for helping earlier designate you as my ward. My entitled to as you ward, absolutely nothing. No. No. Wow. Is again, very. I see well walked down you spot. Mr. Boris who you know is the cat belonging to MRs splint. Yeah. The caretaker of the school. They will definitely report you if you're seeing out of the classroom. So it's very good. The old very high down and very quiet s Mr. Boris pads out of the room and across the way and enters the great hall. Very quietly. Make your way down the giant staircase into the entryway. And look around. Beetle? Sure. Thank you for meeting me. And he. Great hall. Into broom closet. Integrate all of you file in. A very tight little room has removed. This room was good. Joining me where wife from taking us him. I need. Down below the kitsch to cook. Is that what you could may be outlining the problem that you're dealing with dungeons and beetle. Parites out of the road. So if you go into the kitchens now. Kitchens all the kitchens and dim blue place. Go below. Then we go to school. Swimming. I every persuade perception it's been two three two. Your hair's in your faith. How do you see anything also making? Yes. All of you can look around as Bruins wasn't. Oh well. No need nineteen Claire sees all. As you all cram into this broom causing start feeling around Clair's gets way, you realize there's actually a very small doorway at the back of the broom closet. I must have been what she was talking about winter. I could probably fit through that crowd Scown. If you crawl you probably could fit dog go, I are you. Sure glade dangerous. You could be scary. I know that's why I'm going fish. So I can spare you from pissing in your pants Ryan's to get behind. This is not this is not. Keep it up get behind when in me over ward. Let's go. All right. I'll go through the doorway. I right. All right. All right marching order. What the armor? No, you're not okay. Word. And then I'll be third. All right. She guys make your way down the little winding stair will we're gonna take a break. Like all back. I four tonight. I four. Right. Hello. I'm Dr Willingham. And you're listening to the critical role podcast. You're back. All right. The the club. Oh misfits heading down the spiral staircase to. Beatles. Lower levels. I right. Yeah. Jack, Danny not. Okay. That's bang because as you come down the stairs. Nothing happens you walk out. It's you walk into our. A giant kitchen. It is a giant kitchen in the same shape as the great hall. It is humongous. There's level legs of tables all like your house tables all the way down to the front. But instead of seeing, you know, your your stage where your professors normally stand you see just lots of stove Top's and cook prep. You have her son either side three each where they're cooking different types of stews and everything like that. You see a lot of house around. There's a ton of them. Busy working getting ready for when all the students come back from sh. Excuse very low. We're looking for that. Screen. They will scatter. They go running except for one beetle pops up. About the Nessin here. Most students don't see this. Okay. Well, I want you to new beetle wants you to know that you professor professors ccupied, I told her there's there's an emergency situation, and she was needed over in the east wing. So I sent her that direction. Okay. Is there an emergency in the east wing? Beatles starts hitting her head against. It wasn't. Knew that beetle had lied. She would be. And stop her from hitting herself with. Thank you, very tall dark handsome student. I'm sure didn't. Professor FU been has has asked beetle to help her in. Professor for been had Beato gather up sprites from the dark forest behind the castle. Are you would want to capture the sprites? Office. Very interested in magical creatures. She loves them. I guess. Beetle did gather up a spider as she asked. Yes. Perhaps Hugh students saw this spider. Do you know why she had you got up his fight? She liked them. People didn't tell her wish she gathered from. Oh. Contest. This. Maybe maybe I can. Show you. Did you gather it from the dark force? Loud to go. Into the dock four. We're here to the forest can show you. Follow us. Follow follow them Schmeichel. Down the length of the kitchen follower. This. Okay. In the in the middle of the frigging kitchens. You see a giant hole in the floor. Oh. This normal spiders went happy that people still a child be Tillis sorry spiders, wanted it back. Like a big spider. Spiders, coming out of whole, MRs forbidden would be very angry headmistress would be very angry. If she knew plug this hole. The head students can just. Despite is be the spite us talking about bake bigger than Pete. Bigger than students. I've I've I've. Plugged the hole before. You do. Happens to us whole at some point. Many years ago. Remember they have on fest. Excellent. Now that yes, I will go first into the whole down the hall. Okay. There's a giant hole in the ground. And you can see what looks like a ramp. It looks like maybe a killers fallen and lead to a nice ramp down the whole. So you don't have to drop your cast light cast light. Excellent work. All right because Lloyd down there that little hole. Roy in has you lied up the whole, you can see it. It's a very deep hole. It goes down for probably about sixty seventy feet. Okay. Smart guy can just jump down the experience plug in home problem, and I will jump on that pillar in. Make an acrobatic strangle. You start. Sliding your feet start to catch on the stone. As you go and you actually stumble forward into a run, but you do land on your feet into bottom of it. Just like to the rest of you follow. Hsun totally find on those. Do you travel carefully or do you try to fly jackass? I don't judge. I'm deanne. I saw a note written by. I'll go carefully because I'm not gonna I'm not gonna succeed any acrobat, right? All right. As all of you travel down this pillar carefully. You you lend in this very large cavern. There's as Beatles said there, spider webs around. You don't see any spiders, though, what you do see is behind you. It looks like there's been a cave-in. Maybe there was a doorway behind you in the bottom of the cavern before. And across the way, you do see a small a small doorway opening, but. The main thing that you see. This show. How that? Not all over again here here, you are you landed all down here loop. I don't know what happened to the last one of you. You're apparently just scream. All right. Hold on your back. What were? Art Hannah guys. Let's forget hundreds. Why don't you hold this up and give that a spin so hefty because it's Lucious content washes artwork color pages. Most extensive much imagery ever assembled. Landed. Board of wizards. It seems like it's a it's seen better days. They're battling Tamil to some of the ponds are missing arms. There's night. That's missing ahead across the way, the king has been impaled through. But it's standing there, and you all standing on the Google crazy sh-, Mark wars. What have a load of the rings? Of the Shang. Just like show how hideous mcgregori Liz. Any? Well. I mean, there's no other player. Right. We we don't. We don't. Hello. No, there's nothing. Land on the board. May I cast something real fast? Yes. You certainly. Okay. I'm going to do something called you beacon of hope. Okay. And do you know what that does do? Okay. And then. Beacon of hope passed in conjunction with prayer of healing in conjunction when you pass. Yes. Yeah. So that way I can give everybody some extra some regained some. From HP. I'm yeah. Jomon their fissile. You know, it's a concentrations fell beacon coat. Okay. So I need to do because they see ten right? Yes. Scott sakes. I'm just going to smack you in the back of the head and cast major armor. Casting. So you're. Yeah. Twenty three. Fifteen twenty three three HP is what is six creatures. So everybody anybody's down HP can do up to twenty three. And self. Oh, so everybody's maxed Pasha. Your your AC has changed. Our new is thirteen plus your dexterity modifier owed. Thirteen. Let's dang Clair's. Also going to cast major. On herself. Okay. Tell us hit me one more time thirteen plus here decks modifier, that's. And the pope gives everyone advantage on wisdom saves rent death, save thank you. I was going to get to that writer. Of these four kids will be not it seems perfectly safe on him -mongst. These giant spider webs? Anything behind the chest pieces or on the other side of the boat across from where we are making investigators from check our perception check, rather. Does seventeen you can see there there seems like. He saw something pulled back when you landed. On the other side of the board. Hiding behind the pillar over there over where. They're standing, right. This one is the only one that's fallen. Think we have to play to get across the bull. Probably not no one playing here. I'll I'll take a step forward. Except here. All right. Oh shit aboard moves. I remember here. The pond an accurate real shitty starting place. We have to figure out what pieces we all. You guys wouldn't be. Took me just kidding back in the live. You have to pay chess just step on the claim somewhere. All right. No. That's that's you. No. I would be. All concerned. I'll reply. The fos-. I'd go right. No, right. God help. Yeah. Might be the broccoli. Yeah. Make me the Berkeley. Please. I know it's cool. Right. Y'all von over aplly. Mandy Capella group. Castle which one causal on the end, right? Right. Boy. We will. Full. Okay. Did. But I thought you only move forward one. Step forward. Okay. Dungeon mask remove now allow it. Dodgers bash. The fall. I will cast. Has it splash on that bitch? I right. As you do. It fades into nothing. Take the spot all right carefully out here by myself. Don't worry you'll definitely live puns always to. Now. The night moves forward shifts out of the way this night light. But when it takes. Is very intimidating this night. Morse's? Upon. Very bad starting. It's your turn. Okay. Who was who's good at chess? I will t spaces Ford and once the right to move our other pieces that are upon. Oh, okay. Right. We just have the ability to actually kill the other pieces if we vice versa. Two faces. That's move. Oh, you there in front of me pond. Why don't you? Move ahead. One space. As this happens. Suddenly, three spiders. Out the dark. Three. Now, I think. Thirty dazzled spiders pillar over here. Treasure drops down from above over here. Funky, but love in home. It's your turn. Our we have initiative. Role for no one to say why we're playing chess and we're putting. All right. Hey, awesome. Okay. Yeah. This is just all right. Twenty twenty. Nobody gets twenty sixty. Okay. Fifteen ten thirteen thirteen. Okay. Player and end. All right. And what did you guys? What crow? Me. Man clerics. They always go. It's like a rule your school men. The world now. Whose turn was it? Or it was your trip. Okay. Replaying take an hour. On moves forward at the same time that this. And starts walking towards Allison. Idea. Second ahead twine to second pun had to spaces that one that one. They can't move that far in the first minute. Berg nearing now. But the spider. We're gonna get into combat with the spider the pine just moves back. There's already somebody occupying that space. You know, what the one space that you can do that. Right. And it's it's I'm at the top the initiative, right? Yeah. Sixteen okay. Okay. Fuck it. I mean, I mean, whatever you want trust title. Over the moves. Hundred twenty thirty foot long, Ted feet wives. Very take HSP's with. More. If he succeeds just bring out the dust off. Sturdy saving throw of fifteen. Okay. Oh, no. I did not. Lider does not succeed against the title wave. You're not just spider though, so two good role. Twenty three. Five or six. Exactly but tidal wave hits twenty three points and knocks prone anything that hits. And it's thirty feet long ten feet wide ten feet wide and Ted few toll. So let's say it this way see took out the rook and the pond. Yes. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Let me roll for them. If they can survive twenty three points of demos. It's total Twenty-three neither of them. Save on their decks either. Okay. Comp- road. Yeah. Yeah. Corrode? Croquet know. Twenty-three each of those through to through. Right. No three three twenty three. The lights work. Did you say? Spell. Explain all of leaves. Okay. To move anybody on your on your side of the board removed to the right? Those are that's right. They haven't moved yet. No. They did. No, sir. God. Okay. Okay. Role for every single chest piece to Laura did not because these two knocked over are out of the fight. Get back up. All right. We've got oh, this spiders turns. Right. So this fighter is gonna come up here and attack and the. Right. That. You're going to make a fight attack against you form. That is fifteen. Okay. So that's to the eight damage. Whoa. Seven plus five plus three that's ten fifteen points of piercing damage against you. Now, you need to make a constitution saving throw. Oh, that's Twenty-three. All right. You save against that. So no worries. Okay. Now the other spider uses. Backup. Anything get. Tabet there. No, let's say he can't get yet. All right. He's very waterlogged. He's uncomfortable. Most complicated fight of ever sequel player. Here up to move as a chest person. Or Tanta Pearson tag is version. Erzen? Bro. Tonight. I will. Sam doesn't put lipstick on in the breakfast fashion. Okay. I will wait trying to fight the chess pieces or the spiders. Target target. A little of both is double way amendment. Beetle did send you down here to kill the spiders specifically or shore? But we also want to women chess. Okay. I think I'm going to. I'm going to pick up my one. Feeling a little cold day. So feeling like there should be a bit of a snowstorm. I will test still locks snowballs swarm, okay, centered here everything around this this. Range like naturally Lynn. These here for the three d six coal damage on a failed. Save of fourteen. Okay. Oh, so all of them need to roll. Okay. Okay. Going to say, which one is this one's for the spider. That one definitely saves when this is for the night and upon they both fail. Okay. So they each take twelve points of damage. Okay. And as the snowballs hits the spider takes six points a day. Okay. Minus twelve and Mike's twelve on the night of the alive. Yeah. They're selling. They're still standing. Company. Okay. Next up is Andy. I've got one of these coming at me. So I'm going to we move in our chefs bashes. Well, I'm going to do both. But okay, I'm gonna Tak. So I'm going to stay with my club. Which is the fire club. I and that's some serious damage. Wow. That's eighteen points damage to this line. Okay. And I'm going to hit him again. That's ten points damage. Okay. How's the spy despise looking live? Walk. He's going to take a swing at me as me. I think we should probably move more of ponds forward. Shore maybe clearer path for the clean know that our other rook could make a shot at the at the spider, let's do roof roof upon rook. Here. Attacker will just. Is chest. The rook will move up and he'll attack. The giant spider. So he's going to the rogue is going to it's kind of shaped like a giant castle. So it's kind of weird to see pieces of brick come out and start fleeing themselves at the giant spider. But it's going to happen. He makes an attack role. And he hit. He does a lot of damage. Gosh, I don't even think I have this many. To me. What am I talking about? I don't have this many suck. I know I've got a whole bag, but I didn't wanna pull it all out because she's. Forever. How are you doing fine? Ready to fuck shit up. Britain could fall. Twenty eight points of damage. Shing him off the. Eta? All right now that that rook has moved side is gonna take a turn. And it's moving it's night up here and Kuehnle Ming your roof this night just smashes the roof to the ground. On. All right next up. Is alley. So in typical ally, Sheedy fashioned. I'm going to my fingernails and point my one out at arranged range one hundred twenty feet cost erupting under the king and Queen a fountain of churned earth and stone or ups and a twenty foot cube centered on that point each creature in that area must make it deck. Save. So that's like all of this. It's it's twenty foot cube. So so like that. Okay. The king and Queen right? Which which? They're making. All the both sixteen. So they take half damage. That's correct. That's. And twelve. Two twenty six thirteen total. And then now twenty feet in the air on a pilot rubble. That's twenty three said, no, it was it was thirteen each cleaning twenty six total down to k. Risen above fees. I wish I had something like that. I'm just going to put this here. Sure. We're work here. Role. Learn. Yeah. We have I will use my bonus action to take on the my animal foam because I am an Anna Magnus. And oversized, Banja cools. Over there. I'm gonna disease. Four. I wanna make you making thing. There you go. Badger hunter beds. Don't kick. Right. Whose turn that? This is exciting. That's right. J just window. I'm going to not provide attack barbecues income. I right. We don't wanna do. Yes. All right. Brian. Is it possible for me to move digital dough Baggins here? Maybe well, this is technically dildo bag and tease at night. Hobbit pollen like world here, and this may love, and then can I saw it in behind in there and then teach SP while I after move him or me. Okay. Is this sixty feet. Two to ten feet per square proximate. Okay. Also, we already moved to just peace match. I mean this round you, right? Yeah. This is going to. Into a tack right now move on to yourself is that within sixty feet. Of you made to the spider. Ten twenty thirty forty fifty s it is okay. I'd love to take out my spiritual weapons, which is which is a giant Texas Instruments calculates. All right Rover attack, okay. Gods? Eighteen plus eight. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Okay. And then it's going to end up being one eight plus five. Tim ten points damage. All right. Still standing. Do I have a bonus thing I'll use this little because the spiritual. Over here. The spiritual weapons of bonus action. So then or can is about us. Actual might turn move the weapon up to twenty feet of repeat the attack against going this action. It's casting it. Oh, I see. Can you can do a melee attack? That's no, you actually get you can do a male bonus actual can't trip as an actual. Okay. Well, I'm super far away for can't trip. So let me probably just end up doing another. Oh, you know, what guys sacred flame sixty feet? I'll do sacred flame can't trip. Dexterity sixteen. It fails. To the eight. That's my ward. Nine nine more. What did you do the first time? Ten. Okay. It's still standing. Okay. Okay. All right. And then I'll stay where I am movement wise. They're shooting at this go I. The spider. Yeah. The pond. No, no, no, no, sixty feet of the sprayers. Let me let me Mark that off. Yes. So nineteen points of damage to the spider. Okay. Still he's still up. All right. Now, it is back to that spiders, turn actually that just hit this writer is going to rule. Will actually turn around and attack. This no. Najer that just came out from behind. Right. Shift. God this gave us. To find the pace. There's so crazy. Thank you. Ashley for helping me with my clear. Ooh. Yeah. That definitely hits natural seventeen. All right. So the son of error gorge. Is gonna. He's he's gonna bite you. He's going to bite you. He's getting oh when he hits the natural nineteen to hit. Okay. Oh, okay. So badger mak- constitution saving through. Change in the shape of a flapper list. Garrone doing a what a list spiders, flee before all of these jokes share? Okay. Since for new what you guys you're talking. You will take half damages soon as I can okay. Just very Lee's. I'm doing. Have so eight points piercing damage to your dodger Batra form, your badger form. And then as. Bonus actual known the son of era gorge is going to go by. This spider billions the ends. So he calls forth three swarms of just regular old spiders, but they come from bag. Year. They come from over here. And then another wear action. All this Colleen decoration. It is under stern. I will. Or get on. As a Chesapeake are tournament. And the. Technically, I think how how it is technically until we move. They don't move. So don't move. Move over here. Take this. As you have to fight. He takes him out. That's a genuine chess was chess moves as you trust moves just work. Holocaust Nasr ours. Scorcher thirty feet down this five fifteen twenty thirty hitting those. That's genuine chess moves so it automatically works. Good dexterity civic candy. Okay. Glittery one is for the pine. Oh ponds exceeds Knight fail. Fourteen fourteen points damage for the night seven for the already been hit by snowballs so points damage. But one of them succeeds still alive damage. Yeah. Very much the pond the pond just took. So yeah. The pot. Hoping. Be. All right now. It's the chessboards moods. The jazz Bill is gonna try to attack you Alice's all. Attack. You okay. There's so many pieces the paper here. I now feel about I remember that Joan very lowers oh natural one on. For the pond feels broken into steps right back here and the boards to try to make a different move. So the Bishop here is going to move forward shirt. Shit is going to attack. Four. Sixteen. All right. The Bishop is going to attack you with two d ten. I mean, it doesn't matter. Whatever. Oh, double ones. Eight points of damage. Lodge? I mean, oh my God. That's so wrong work moves back, and it's going to turn to take another move. What I don't know how this work not taking the pieces. So it's trying to do is. So move this forward. All just kidding. Okay. All right now, it is the spiders turn this spider is gonna handy. Some jock shit. Oh my gosh. The spider doesn't sixty two. Plus now that doesn't them. All right now. It is clear star clear. Oh god. I will I will attack. What we wish we share number. So it doesn't go. I think I'm gonna keep wailing on that spider. Hopefully, it'll it'll go down at some point. Let's take shootout. I'll just start with attack on those finer. This would be my flame attack. Sixteen plus seven that it's hit kill. No. It's crazy. And then the pin? That's. Thirteen points of damage teen boys damage with that this miters crush. And once again succeeds. Claire will use acids splash on that spider? That's menacing are badger friend Allie. He knew that far away at sixty feet. Awesome. All right. We're team decks save I write and that in that. You would also hit the the pond in front of you, wouldn't you? Well, it doesn't matter to your teammate bucket. Oh, that's eighteen days. Big no damage. Probably can't. No it just saves. There's nothing. Do I get my allowed to move in chess? It's humid. I can't move, but I can move one of the other players. I guess I can move one space out. But that seems like a waste you could move that pond there to attack the spider. Which one that dildo Baggins right there came forward and the next one the next. Well. Let's move moves. One of the next attack will be attack. Let's see here. Let's move our our Bishop dildo Baggins over there out one space. Get ready for some. Listen, it's business time. Trigger moment. The short of it. Seeks out same design. This. This is difficult. Once again to take your. Is that he. It looks like ET from that since regal. That's a natural to win. Upon is going down. Right. It's gonna do. Okay. That's to ten plus sick. Or? Do did you do? Points of damage. Excellent. Excellent. I write got some sweet battle. Doubles. I was a credit. Wasn't it? Shit. Thirty six twenty beverage. It's twenty. To twenty four. Thirty points. Our conscious. No Bunder STAN near Niro. This is you out of the way following body funders here. First off the board near the spider. Not just sitting there. No I didn't rule initiative for those those. No, okay. Have some sort of water wizard. Larry. It's at least. Right. So the badger is just going to lay into the spider win cata, a multi attack bite and close of best will do the bite. As an eighteen to hit that definitely hits for the teeth sinking two four points of damage badgered. That is a six with the close hit. Oh god. Okay. So just. That is a tough tough forever. Okay. Brian tier? So you need to get to Travis. I mean, let's face. Glendower if if it's touched on need to be there to touch. I can only move thirty feet and also from only moved Elroy. No. He's a horsey. Okay. You can start getting over there. Try to make my way make my way over to talk to. How far thirty move. Yeah. That's my move. And then. You know, what's still? Okay. So the only thing I can do is actually I can do spider. I can do prayer of healing again. It's thirty feet now that I'm on. Thank feeling that's duration ten minutes. Oh fuck. Mike. The casting time is ten million. Sorry, I'm new to cleric. Okay. Then I moved or real. I can't really can. I let me let me since. I don't waste my turn. Let me try and attack. Can I shoot something at that spider? Totally. I'm going to shoot it with a big FEC chunk of just I'll do separate flame again. Okay. Dhec sixteen. It gets sixteen to say. But you do have your spirit weapons still sitting there. Do a bonus action, my spiritual weapon Malay just mail it. Okay. So do I need to do you. Add your spell modifier. Okay. Oh, please. The next. It was. Your calculator glitches just rights boob. All right. Son of Aaron guard. The sun is going to attack alley once more with I guess, it's very close. So it's going to do what bite attack again. Oh that does not succeed, but they are going to use their phone as action to move their swarms in than this warmest fetters going to go. More spider. And this was going to go. And this one is going to go and come toward the LA. All right. So those war. Those warms. They don't do you know a ton. But they're going to do. That's a five against. Nope. It doesn't hit. That doesn't hit. And then the last one this is against alley. That is twelve. All right. So they're going to they're going to cover you and try to bite you in your badger form. Right. So that's the food food who. Seven points of of damage. That's the title. Okay. So Allie stands in Howard raggedy normal phone. I say seven seven great. Where did they put you Ellie? Either. And she. Thanks. All right. It is. Wonders. Seven. Under it is the spiders are dead. Their turn is gone. It's Claire stern. She's. Spiders. Not really having anything else to do. I'm going to send magic missile. That'll these my last first level spell slot. I'll use acids slash to attack that same spider have higher levels bell. Sure pretty saving for this it. But this is a pretty big battle. Just bored. Store. One shot. Joe do all do magic missile against the spider. Menacing? Are allison? Roselle cast mending. All dart. Oh, that's good points of damage. Okay. All right. That's total. Okay. Okay. I'll do it happens by doing that second level. Extra four points. Level six day. Oh nine is forty right. Forty five points down. Good job. All right. We're andy. Do we move knows? Why chess had what has not moved? Taking your turn yet. I'm gonna move Brian to right there of all right? Yes. I right. All right. It's Andy stern. I'm kind of stuck aren't I I'm going to try something weird. I'm going to. I'm going to cash Greece on the king and Queen grease. It's the word. They're the ones that I wanted the ones that. Yes. Chills pie. All right. So I'm in Greece on on those to care they have deck. Same fourteen pay. The kings exceeds the Queen fail from oh. The Queen not pro he's wiped off the board. All right. Also, this is up for a minute and a creature that enters the area ends. It's turned there must also seed on an extra savings. Frommer fall. Tries to move. He has to try again. All right. All right. Very nice, very nice. All right. It is the boards. Turn to move. So did you move a piece we move new? Remove me up to you. Right. This piece is going to. Move. But it's taking this. All right. All right now, it is. Elis starts to twist her woman. They're big circle of gigantic, cloud appears over the entire Chesterfield and all of us and lightning. Town on the king. Level three say that as a deck. Save knighton. Knighton? Nineteen actual nineteen. King. That's wrong died. That's ten sides nine. Ten. Threes. Nineteen twenty two eleven points of lightning damage. Right. Right. King. Looks a little hurt. Storm keeps going above us. All. Brian. Okay. I am going to. Cast care wounds. It was hard. Let's see that's one eight. Ten. Solid shots. I'll take it. Ten points. The adrenalin Fey. All right. Do you want to do anything else? I also would like to. Let's see where should we go? I don't wanna I don't want me to have to be the movement for the whole round two. We moved. We moved me last time. So I don't wanna move again. I think maybe bonus action. That's gonna spiritual weapons can use other spell, slot spiritual weapons stays up. I would stay every section. You can. Oh, yeah. Then all attack who should I hit guys the spider? I'll hit the spider. Yeah. All right. Real for a tech. I believe in you hit things. Brian. You can't. Okay, your calculator. It's really cool. Looking like you. All right. This is going to attack alley once more. Alley. All right. Oh, that's a a nine v. No fifteen. Right. We'd for a month for healing. You must get me. We for use smoke. Occasionally I like to smoke in listen to. Stephen. Brits to listen to such states. Outta coming home. All right. Of all the scientists. That would not be the one that I would end. Make the constitution saving through real soon. Sixteen o exceed. Okay. All right. I write Bunder Bonder newly revived up. Fucking chess. A more of a chuckers guy at outcast fireball. Right. Right. Finish. Do you have to make a deck? Save of sixteen. Oh big fail fail. Six. Two. Twenty eight. King. Yes. Laws to it side. All the pieces on the chessboard kneel down. All about you, the spiders to know. All right. There's no there's no I'll just go here. Like it user one. I like that. All right Claire. Okay. I'll move up and around towards the spiders this the list spider to relate to two little baby is a biggie. I didn't concentration check was that. What the con was four or something else constitution into concentration. It was thirteen points of damage. Yeah. What is it? It's ten. It'll be ten right? You're lightning. Start me up. Hold up. Natural one. It's good. Up towards the the spider, which one this one the big one. What you were here. Ten twenty. You can get up there. Oh that one gives them intact spiders attacks. You is from it. But that's a little warm snow big deal. Driven gore. That's tend to hit. Okay. And I will cast. Shit hit something else won't. Oh, well, I'll hit. Cast dragons breath. Holy shit. With lightning damage will say fifteen foot cone they have to say with a decks fourteen. Sticks. Natural sixteen. Oh, but I think I think still just have to. Role. Good ole fifteen point so have seven points of damage. All right, both spiders and probably the spiritual weapon and probably one of our aunts. That's fine. Okay. It doesn't matter so seven points. He said seven points to those spider who saved what about the other spider. So that would be forceful phantom mak- safe. Over. Okay. Let's fifteen points damage to. Three lightning on you. Greece light than I right on the year. I'm going to run up to that big spider. Okay. I'm gonna smack him. The lion attacking with your club. The first one is ten that doesn't. Hey. Swing again. Twenty-one heads, right? So that lose my big. That's okay. Bicket? Twelve points damage. Damage. All right. Okay. And I'm just going to burn two more time going to burn an extra actions. Another actually more attacks believe. I'm gonna take two more times. All right. That's a miss and. Sixteen sixty. One more hit. That's nine points damage. All right. So Waylon on them. All right. He's you know, he's hurting a bit. Bunder? It is now your turn. Just kidding. I was looking at Pfizer never mind. At least the storm still roiling, and I'm still swiveling wall and stone on the big spider. Okay. That is another site to Mike. Khan was it. It's decks fifteen. Oh, it's a fail. It's been true. Sixteen points damage gosh. Twice nastier. All right. Is it looking pretty rough? Re-re? All right. The retina. Breath too. Hey, guys. How's it going? I'd like to move right up to that spider. Just to be sure this goes, well, I would like to do inflict wounds that third level. May lay spell attack attack it plus fellow. Eighteen plus eight. Okay. Then in that case miss dungeon mistress. Let's go ahead. Dived ten five. Five of them me. Eleven. Forty seven eight nine twenty nine. Yeah. These spiders. That's guts everywhere. Spluttering up onto these pawns in this. Nope. That thank you. All right. We're back up to son of Eric. Bad from. Dr hole been around. Andy's so much damage to him. All right. Oh, yeah. That's a natural nineteen. All right. So that's a bite attack. That. Fell do. Sixteen points of piercing damage. I need you to make a constitution saving through. Eleven. Ooh. That is what you need to hit for. That means. I hit. Yeah. With poison damage. No, no, ten points of poisoned out. I write for action. He's moving. This is the less warm of spiders. Come over to Claire and try to attack her again. You're going to bite you. I don't like this natural y. Don't spiders beneath me, they can smell the amount of perfume that you're wearing and learn about my character. I learned by looking at the poster. I think she's opening. I don't know anything about. Oh, that's that's crazy. I will cast agonize. Scorcher the big at the big Spartan der- spirited here. Next. Save fifteen. Succeed at half of. This is thirteen fifteen. Seven seven ports of. He is looking really really really rough here. Bona's wake it clear. Going section. And what's your action? Claire. Couldn't get through. But one just one. Look, I'm gouging. My eyes out. Clear still have. Whatever my spell was dragons Brett up, right? It lasts. All right. So are going to. Again, right on the fame or your mouth away. Snus go back to play. Lightning round. Has to make a fourteen x fourteen save, Molly, ringwald belting. Does say with fifteen. Probably won't matter. Read points of damage damage is enough. How do you wanna do? Wants to angle the blast. So that one of the spider explodes and splatters it splatters towards our little Allie over here and get salt chunky in her hair. Just just covered in red and purple and black gut. Sally, it kind of goes with your motif though, it looks kind of good with your outset. All right. Turn into a better spiders behind me. Three. Andy. Tempted to just wait. Yeah. I'm just going to over to this fighter. Just the one. Just the one. Swarm, I'm not even gonna break contact. I'm just gonna swat at it without breaking contact. Right. Real at disadvantage. Nineteen. Dick yele. Seventeen points. Man sorting Matt got it. Right. You you. I don't know trying to stand there. Taking in more just let's get through the rest of actually alley uses an opponent's action to turn back into a badger and grapples Claire to the ground. Roll the fund all over. Girl. Close your voice and funk. Oh, it's better tackle on creatures. That's an eight super-low. Oh, no, okay. The way. Now, you just run up, and you stand up and you put your paws on her shoulders and you look at each other face to face Claire to badger is. Sixteen camp. Doing. I I'm sorry that I split it spider guts, all the view. That was wrong of me. Me. Do something or not so different. Can I cast command on her and make her grovel? Certainly try. Now. What is it? What is it sixteen? Nine plus your vibe advance wisdom say. Using feed. You start to cast command on her. And then you think better of it you start to realize that you guys you succeeded in something pretty major together from all different walks of life. You don't have to commend me, I'll grow. Anyway. I know I was a bit of a bitch to you guys before. And it's only because I really just want to fit in. Also side note, I'm a virgin I read on compete more. Literary. Unhappy home life care about things. Mighty heritz force me. What about you jock? All just really messed. Badger. Peeing? I told you we were so different. Has the all of us and talk to each other beetle pups back in. Here quickly make it up to your classroom. I will try to distract the professor before she gets back. A port be or do we have? You cannot within the school. Double dash. All aspects in the classroom. I'll be going to Buehler. That's right guys. Come flying up. The stairs. Literally, come flying up. The stairs. I cast ply. Like it or stairs. You pass by the cat again. And misses blitz. The groundskeeper they stare you. As you fly you've fly up across the moving staircases. You all are running of the one moment where they skit across the floor around the corner. Yeah. Definitely. You've read up staircases Megan egg robotics check as all of you try to jump to the next level except for you. Claire. Thirteen fourteen. Eight all of you run and jump Brian starts to fall as any of your safe him. I have a feature where if he's in danger because he's my ward I can switch places with him. Yeah. I think he has to be close to me. But I don't really know what whatever I will switch places with him. Oh, which will put him in the air. Put him safely across sure flying. Okay. So you're where he was. All right. So you fly up, and you guys are heading up. The stairs the hallway quickly quickly you pass by your level. One spells class. You can hear down the other hallway the footsteps of professor verb and coming up. Do you try to make it across the hallway and into the Gaza? You. Aziz? You traits. Silence. Oh, everybody rolls delve with advantage because of that. Vantage. Yes. Thank God thirty one twenty three twenty two so bad fifteen. Yeah. Three twenty five K everybody else. Really? Well, so he goes slide into the classroom run forward and take your seats the desk in just enough time to hear the door turning. Professor. Ferguson works in. She stares at all of you. Glad to see you haven't moved from your seats. Like I asked and she walks up the stairway goes into office giving you just enough time. Right. And leave it on your desk before all of you leave. Don't read now years supposed to read it Ryan Jesus Christ fucking breakfast club. Professor firm on accept the fact that we had to soccer Feis a day. Folks, we accept the fact we had to sacrifice a day and smokes made to be in detention. I mean, what we did was pretty shady. But we think you'll crazy to us. Write an essay telling you who we think we are you see us as you want to see us in the simplest of. The most. Finishes. But what we've discovered? I'm sorry. I made him read it Zaari. Sorry. Is that one of us is a brain awfully Honey badger. A criminal. Also, we're pre ticks at killing spiders does that it's your question. Sincerely, yours that club of misfits. And we're out. John. Spiders it had. Oh. This makes me wanna go read. Yeah. Mary. Mapra Mary schnatter and watch the Michigan. How was your first one? Hair? See I think how long did it take you to prep days hours dad's days of prep? And then all of it goes in the moment. Hi to sleep beforehand. Everything that's going to happen. The master Matthew Mercer dead. I gave him a phone call, and he helped me out some, and I also used my Devi on a lot of Munster steps and every week that all these paver. Was your son road just so much? He was the king. That was on our side was on our side. Yeah. Sure. I never. You guys are great. Agrees really isn't excuse to we could address up in these out for you. If you're in England, we'll start Haro. Saturday sunday. So yeah, we'll see you Saturday. Sorry for the accident has been revoked. The weekend Heathrow. But. Australia. Acted in New York. Whatever I want everyone to feel included. I guess I guess tune in next week. See what happens with the mighty nine? And until then Levy, and is it Thursday. Adrift? Thanks for listening to the critical role podcast. You can catch us live on Thursdays at seven PM Pacific standard time at twitch dot TV slash key consent. Is it Thursday yet?

Coming up next