We Solved Feminism!

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

This episode of hysteria is brought to buy com dot com guys. Guess what your calm? I know. I'm never I've never called com dot com has an app and on the app there are options for things like guided meditation, and there's also something called adult bedtime stories. They're not like sexual. They're just like soothing voices reading adult bedtime stories now in the weeks leading up to this people have been telling me that there's a Matthew mcconaughey one. And I've seen it in the list. But until last night, I had not listened to it. And folks is worth the hype. Really? Yeah. It's Matthew mcconnahey reading a story called wonder and Detroit, Leslie, I fell asleep within like two minutes. You don't even know if it was good. It was a -ffective. I guess that means it's good. Yeah. It's affective. I did not know that the cure to my insomnia. Was Matthew mcconaughey? Reading wonder how. Yeah. Just put on a Buick commercial call today. Lincoln lincoln. Yeah. Wow. Oh god. I mean, the branding hasn't suck with me. In addition to guided meditations on issues, like anxiety stress and focus there's a brand new meditation every day, even have soothing music. If you don't wanna listen to Matthew, mcconaughey, which I recommend if you had to calm dot com slash hysteria. Funniest URL in the game. You'll get twenty five percent off a comb premium subscription right now hysteria listeners get twenty five percent off a calm premium subscription. Adt com dot com slash hysteria. That C ALM dot com slash hysteria. Get unlimited access to all of calms content today at com dot com slash hysteria. Get calm and stop stressing. Hello and welcome to hysteria. I'm Aaron Ryan this week's special guest. Akilah Hughes joins the talk about our Kelly's Brett Kavanagh moment. Then Naomi Kerrigan Meghan gaily in tan TRAN joined to talk about women's history month and the problems with feminism think we're going to solve it guys. And finally as always the hills will die on. A little bit of housekeeping at the top first of all Nancy Pelosi shirts, just got restocked this week in we have Incisa small to double XL. So if you are hankering for an anti Pelosi shirt, and you can go to crooked dot com and get yours. Second on the agenda. America's soulmate semester. Go has a new book called? So here's the thing. It just came out this week by it. That's great. And we love Elissa. So listen, congratulations. Finally, if you want to submit a hill die on record, a thirty second voice memo on your phone and send it to hysteria at crooked dot com. That's hysteria at crooked dot com. Now, let's get to the show. Hey, how's it going? That's good. It's good. I'm so sorry about your face. This is not a sentence. I normally I would never normally say this to you. But I you okay. Yeah. No, I'm fine. It's just literally like this is so dumb in vain. But of like, I've never thought about my chin deeply and now my. Like, I can't leave my house until this goes down. I called like three doctors like is. It just is like you just have to wait. You know, just like going through the most of the becoming like Quasimodo in my home like dragged the curtains blacking out here. Like a delivery comes in you open the door and you hiss when the light hits. That's exactly what's going to happen. It's so it's like it's not even I mean, it's a little like source though. But it's mostly just swollen and unattractive, which you know, cool cool personal brand to have swollen and unattractive. You know, when I got my I didn't get my wisdom teeth out until I was thirty because I have a really weird I have a child's mouth. What? And anyway, when I got them out. It was like really hard on me because I was thirty when they took them out. And I got like I had a ton of bruising. And I remember when I was recovering from it being in that exact mindset thinking like I'm hideous. I can't I can't leave my. And it was like. Anyone new people have already met before that? It's like fun. Okay. They're going to be like, you don't usually look. But yeah, I don't know people walk around the world with faces that have quirks to them all the time. And they're just fine. And I remember thinking I remember thinking to myself like it is a total like rude awakening to be like. Oh, no. But then I was like, I guess if I had this for like if it were going to be forever. I would get used to it. It would take a couple of weeks. But I'd be like, I'm the girl with the purple cheeks now two AM, and I'm accepted. Yes. Exactly. It's like it would be a moment of personal growth. Well, akilah. Thank you so much for joining despite your your what your accident decide it's we can laugh at it. Because you're laughing at it. I normally wouldn't exactly I slipped. My face cats, as I do you have like an old fashioned toothache thing, you know, like in cartoons when they tie something around somebody's head underneath at least should do that. Just so like, I sympathize purchase I think it'd be I always thought it was real cute. You should do it. I think it's cute. So we've got a couple of news stories that I wanted to get to today we were originally going to talk about something else. I, but then I logged onto Twitter this morning. And I was like, oh, my God R Kelly did his first interview since he was arrested and charged with ten counts of aggravated sexual assaults. And a few of those people were underage at the time. He did his first interview and it aired this morning it he was interviewed by Gayle king on CBS this morning, and it was a spectacle akilah. Did you see clips of this interview? Did you see pictures and stuff? Yeah. It's absolutely stunning. There's a person like this who, you know, obviously have all of these horrible accusations in has for decades. Right. Not have some sort of PR person. Tell him not to get up and scream at gale. That navy? I that you say like never leave your chair and never yell. Yeah. Yeah. Whoever yells first loses in an interview in interview, the person who yells I is the loser for sure, but he he stood up and he got engaged king's face kind of. But it was almost like he wasn't even yelling at gale. He was yelling at the camera. It's like he was platforming for for the audience and Gail sat there, very stoically and calmly and professionally as as man was just sort of like looming over her and screaming and crying, and and responding by saying that he was being lied on. He was saying he was being assassinated. He said he was being buried alive, you know, as he was being given a national platform to defend himself. What did you think of Gaels composure during this whole thing, I think they'll definitely speaks to like the way black women have always had to perform in public situations. Right. Where you know, if she had been that emotional for any reason and. I can't imagine why she would have been, you know, I I do think that people are addressing our Kelly's performance, and that's exactly right. It was a performance for the camera. You know, they're addressing how over the top. It was. But I also think that you know, Gail really showed the kind of stoicism that I in in these times and these trying times where like it's bad news every day. It's Alan ously refreshing to see an interviewer asked tough questions and not end up devolve in the conversation in to, you know, yelling back at this person who clearly isn't ready to have this conversation. I mean in talking about these times a lot of people were reminded of another recent performance by a man who was crying while accused of sexual assault. When I was watching this performance. I thought a lot about the Brad Kavanagh hearings that happened back in September of last year about how he he started his testimony by that I'm innocent of this charge. He c- he called the hearing partisan frenzy bent on destroying his nomination, his family and his good name. He called the confirmation process a national disgrace. This isn't a supreme court Justice. We're talking not about our Kelly. We're talking about a supreme court Justice. He also said, you know, that that the the national review ran a piece calling the the hearing a character assassination as to the weekly standard to conservative outlets. You know, the the idea that that a man being accused of sexual assault is the same thing as being murdered is something that is really interesting here. Did you see parallels between Cavanaugh and R Kelly, and where do you see those two narratives diverging, I think the similarities are pretty glaring. There's the immediate victimization of the shelves, where it's you know, I deserve this thing. I should be revered. I've had a thirty year career these accusations. You know, no matter how substantiate is and how poorly I can refute them are damaging to me. What what I may? Or may not have done is besides the point. It's just so unfair that I even have to answer a question, and it's interesting because the critique of women in power and women in polish. Ix is always that women are to emotional. And you know, I I don't think that it's because they both like are in be that these two men had the same sort of performance. I think it's more of a culture of never blaming boys. And when they do get blamed for something they absolutely cannot face any sort of consequence. How dare you? When the surviving R Kelly documentary was released it turned it on Twitter for days. It wasn't the sort of situation where we were sort of hearing about things, but not seeing the people who are affected. And so I do think that specifically with the art Kelly case since we have been hearing about allegations against him for truly decades. Like, it can't be overstated that this is something that has been in the site guys. And we've just sort of collectively as a society, we knew that this was a problem. I personally don't listen to remix anymore, and that, you know, the difference here is that we weren't so super unaware of the problem with our Kelly. It's just that now that this documentary exists and we're hearing. Emceeing the voices and faces of the victims that you know, it's all very real. And it's all kind of hard to ignore. Because there was just so much information about our Kelly's, you know, alleged transgressions. I think we we were it's easier to sort of turn to not feel like we're gonna get anything new with Brad Kavanagh. He basically just said he was innocent. And then he had a hearing where he dislike yelled and screamed and cried. And it was like an absolute just travesty for democracy the way that he conducted himself. But also, I think when we talk about these times, right? It's not surprising. Then that someone like this gets appointed to the supreme court in the case of our Kelly. You know, the court of public opinion has already made a decision. He it's not like the president can just appoint him to something. Well, I mean, don't give them any ideas. Because I mean, like just Donald Trump's type except for the fact that that he's black. Donald Trump doesn't seem to like black. Very much, exactly. Like, maybe stealing R Kelly make a absolute fool of himself on TV can be a nail in a coffin versus Brett Kavanagh than getting promoted after acting like a buffoon. Yeah, that's true. And like, oh, wow. Is the new normal a man gets accused of sexual assault. And he fights it by throwing a fit, and then he wins and everything just goes. That's that's how it happens is this going to be a series of mail fits that happened forever. And I have to sit there and worry about the feelings of somebody who stands credibly accused of sexually assaulting people. Like, why is this? What I what why is this? We're forced to look at. But I do think that one silver lining in this. The art Kellyanne review was Gayle king like we talked about in her composure and so in honor of women's history month, I would like to make Gayle king. The inaugural entry on the hysteria women's history month vision board. For her composure her professionalism and her tough questions women were in situations where they're encountering emotional men can look too because she really showcased her her chops as an interviewer, and I I was really impressed by her today. Absolutely. Absolutely stunning. Work from Gail. Congratulations Gail getting the wall. Yes. Never number. One entry on hysteria is women's history month vision board, and I will be I will be invoking the spirit of Gail whenever I feel myself getting stressed out this month. Same. Well, akilah. Thank you so much for joining us. I hope your face gets better. You don't mind if I say, I hope your face gets better into a microphone, right? Honestly. I I like it. I think that we should always cheer for my face. Thank you so much for calling in today. Let's do this again, akilah Hughes talk to you view by the by. We have to take a break. But when we come back, they'll be more hysteria. This week's episode of hysteria is brought to you by parachute spring is right around the corner is is it. I think. The calendar says it is the ground talk. See, I don't know. God. I don't remember the groundhog. I agree. It was in. February what month is it even? So it's gotta be coming rain becoming. Well, it also means geese flying north fresh flowers popping up in hibernation season is officially over not true. I feel like hibernating today. Parachute. Doesn't think you need a seasonal excuse to stay in and get cozy. Good us either. So it's raining outside guys. Again, it's been raining a lot. How do you keep cozy in the rain? They imbed. Oh, stay in bed. All day. Set your alarm, wet set your alarm for like six. No. So you're looking for like never set my alarm for ten minutes after I actually have to get up. Oh, that's good. The magical thinking of being like this time. It'll take me less time ever taken who was late today me that's true. Well, I have these parachute linen sheets that I love. I never had slept on linen before. Until I got these. And they're my absolute favorite thing. They're they're so great, visit parachute, home dot com slash hysteria. It for free shipping and returns on parachutes premium quality, very comfortable. Home essentials. They offer a ninety day trial. So if you don't love your new stuff to send it back. That's parachute, home dot com slash hysteria. For free shipping and returns parachute. Home dot com slash hysteria. Hysteria is brought to you by Robin Hood, Robin Hood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks ETF's options and cryptos all commission free. While other brokerages charge up to ten bucks for every trade. Robinhood doesn't charge any commission fees. So you can trade stocks and keep all of your profits. Plus, there's no account minimum deposit needed to get started. So you can start investing at any level. The simple intuitive design of robinhood makes investing easy for newcomers and experts alike view, easy to understand charts and market data and place a trade in just four taps on your smartphone. You can also view stock collections such as one hundred most popular with Robin Hood, you can learn to invest in the market as you build your portfolio. Discover new stocks traded your favorite companies and custom notifications for price movements. So you never miss the right moment to invest Robin Hood is giving listeners of hysteria of free stock like apple Ford or sprint to help you build your portfolio. Sign up at hysteria dot, Robin, Hood dot com. Welcome back to hysteria. I'm Aaron Ryan this week on personal political. I have three members of the squad with me can't wait to get into what we're going to get into I Naomi of paragon actor writer and host of the podcast couples therapy. Hello. Hello. Welcome back. Thank you for having me. Good to be home. Good to be home. We have this new art in the studio, which is hysteria specific art, which I feel very welcomed today. Worry edges. Yeah. It's great. And then we also have comedian writer and driver's license test passer, Meghan gaily. I did it. She did it and use hard. You did it. I didn't even need all thirty six questions. I passed on thirty four. Okay. Megan, you know, when I took my driver's test. It was I was disturbingly easy. I was when I was taking the written test. I was like this is what they're giving. People licenses for one of the questions was I'm not I I've said this on the podcast over one of the questions was when you were backing up, and there are kids at the end of the driveway. What do you do? Do and what are the? Right. And what what is an answer. The answer was honk your horn. So the kids know that cars moving like, it's not a bad start. Yeah. Start. But sure there's questions about like tractor trailers. And how many how much they weigh? What those are tricky. I think how much they way not way. Oh. Oh, I'm exaggerating. I was there wouldn't be numbers on that. And finally, welcome back to TM TRAN actor writer and survivor of bangs. Hello. It's been a part of my identity since I was a child. This is a big step for me to see my own forehead there. Don't get things. I'm just gonna not you. But anybody just generally speaking, I'm doing doing the day after my wedding. I'm gonna get a blunt bang. I don't wanna be. I don't wanna be on my deathbed and say never got a bang. Okay. It's it's it's an eighteen month commitment, I once had a bad bang haircut. And my sister told me later on that everything I said sounded dumb. Just be careful for that. Yeah. I'll have an excuse. Well, let's get into the the bigger topic this week. We'll March is women's history month. Congratulations guys. This is the month to have a dream. Yes. We're going to do what we actually we actually just started the hysteria women's history month vision board today. So if there's a woman who inspires you. And you wanna pause and be like I want to add this woman to the hysteria women's history month vision board. I don't care let it be a free for all Adler. My God forever you want? Gayle king is number one on the women's history month vision board, but because it's women's history month, I've been thinking a lot about the whole idea of like women as a United front, which is it something that doesn't really make sense anyway. But then I've been thinking about women I tend to agree with as United front, which doesn't actually exist either. And by that, I mean feminism I think most people listening to this podcast are feminists, call themselves, feminists or agree with feminists on a lot of things or you're listening to this because we make you very very angry. And if that's the case congratulations for making it this far without having your heart explode in your chest. But feminism is something that seems to be a word that means whatever anybody wants it to me. So it kind of it kind of means nothing. And and a lot of a lot of criticism of feminism recently has been that it is exclusive or that it leaves people out or that elevates some at the expense of others. So I want to get into it. I think we can solve it today. Yeah. Yeah. Thirty two minutes McCaw. Yeah. This is like the best escape room. We can't leave until we solve it. It's iran. Chef in the ingredient is women. You'll be the first time you, and I talked you brought this up as something that kind of is on your mind. The lot like the divisions within feminism race sexual identity, sexuality, gender expression are all things that have alienated people within the feminist movement. And how how have you seen that happening? They only well, I guess I really when we first talked what I was very interested in. But it was like oh my God. If I got a white woman alone. I'm getting answer. Picking your brain. What it feels to me like the the branding of feminism, the commodification of feminism is so centered on SIS white women. It's so interesting to me when I felt like my knowledge like all the academic language around. Feminism was like that didn't come to a much later in life. Like, I'm a black woman who grew up with a single mom who worked in raised me. So I was like, yeah. Women can do stuff. And also, they don't have a choice. It didn't feel like it was like I am putting on the men to live womanhood to feed my child. It was like this is what has to be done. Because that's so that's what I always saw. And that was my idea like that's baseline. And it wasn't until later in life was like, you know, like, I didn't even get the some women didn't have to think that you know, we're like didn't think that it. It was like to me it was a no-brainer. And then to feel like he's like not only is it not a no brainer. It is very divisive them. People are not having it. But it always seems like whenever it is presented in a way that people like it is like a white woman. I am standing strong. It is. And that's the part that can be very. Very frustrating to me because then because then that kind of determines who who's issues we care about. Yeah. Like who gets credit for what advancements and who gets to actually experienced them, and who is celebrated for things that that other women don't get to pick. Like, I think I think another another way that manifests is women who choose to stay home with their kids because their husbands make enough money that they can choose to stay and a lot of times. It's white people who have the money that one can be like I'm going to opt to take care of and good for you. If that's your choice, but I think that that's also like a kind of a false celebration. And I also think one thing you brought it was really interesting Naomi was about. No. That was that was that was a treasure trove of interesting points. It reminded me of something ten and I have talked about about marketing, and the image that people are presented of what feminism looks like. And you mentioned that you think that marketing kind of kind of mix feminism into something that's like soft and fun and happy. Yeah. I think it gives a false sense of achievement. And that like things are moving forward in a way that we can all get behind. Now. Don't get me wrong. When I saw that Nike women's history commercial. I cried I straight up cried. And I was like this beautiful. I love sports, and we can win gold, medals and. And, but like, you know, something as as like a Nike a company that puts out these like positive progressive messages as a company as a whole, we all know is awful and has like terrible, practices and exploits people. So like that's where I think the like hypocrisy of commodifying and advertising feminism is like it's just a feel good. It just feels like a feel good Pat on your back kind of exercise for these companies. Now, don't get me wrong. I think it's like representation is very important, and I think marketing and advertising shape so much of like how we see the world. And so I think it is on some level important to have those images out. But I just wish they were doing more than just like a surface band-aid for women's is for women's history month, you know, right? Well, remember when dove made us all never hit our bodies. Again. The only soap I it is the only. Body wash manage. I mean, if it works it works, but I do remember them those had. Had him out in there. Like, everyone is beautiful. Everyone is you know, whatever. And it's the same company that makes ex buddies pretty well. Right. But then also don't you think to especially now a big those ads could not start now because then people would be like, you're excluding different types of bodies. You know, what I mean like there's attic that was of a time or even now when that came out what ten years ago? However, we would like I am empower. She is thick like me. And you know, now, I feel like we'd be in a time. That's still not representing all women, and that that brings up a really interesting point. I've been seeing on Twitter, and there's a piece in the New York Times a couple of weeks ago about feminism in the UK, and how it's a sort of riddled with like trans exclusion, and how that is like a huge divisive issue over there, which to me felt very alien because here that's not really something that's acceptable within mainstream like women's lib, if you will to use a phrase from the nineteen seventy but but anyway, I think. I think that like, you know, there's different parts of the world have different kind of Lyon battle drawn. And it's it's really it was interesting to read about how fucked up it seems over there. And then I was like, oh, wait it's also over here like with the women's March, the whole, I think focusing so much on like anatomy and the pussy hats in and of itself is already exclusionary because you know, a lot of fem identified bodies. Don't have like, you know, aren't vagina hammered. Plus he put in and those are pussy hats. You know? So like, I think what you're seeing in England is like happening. Happening is here. As I went through our outline for today. I was like gosh, I didn't even know about a lot of these like, I guess, quote, unquote infighting that's happening under the giant umbrella that is feminism. But I think that's because of your point of like, I m who feminism is like a I'm the poster child now, it's like an acceptable, white gal who curls her hair and puts on a lip. And and tells my dad when he's wrong, even though he paid for my college. I am in the poster child, and so I don't have to know because I'm like, well, I have my pussy hats. And all of my gal pals or coming over to watch the premiere of New York tonight what we're doing. But it's like, oh, we are the ones that have to really educate ourselves. So we can start to hopefully, build a bridge. I mean because we get away with the most bullshit. Yeah. I mean, the the women's March. I think was a really good example of kind of how things are sort of coming apart. At the seems like it started. I believe it was a Jewish woman who started it. And then she enlisted the help of a few other women who sort of eventually wrested control of it from her. And then one of those women said some things about somebody who says real bad things. Right. And nobody would disavow anybody and becomes this weird like World War One friends Ferdinand type link complicated allegiances is like, wait. Now who's at war with who what's going on? And like, I think on a one thing that I've that I've kind of taken from this is that on a even though we presented this like unified front where it's like. Okay. We all agree. Fuck this guy. Fuck the president. Fuck this guy. We can we can all agree on that. But beyond that, I think that there are simmering problems misunderstanding, there's hurt feelings. There's ignorance there's all these things that maybe hadn't really been brought to the surface before. I was just wondering TNN. I just was wondering if like, you know, as a member of the community is there a specific way that you feel like feminism has excluded. You or is there a specific encounter that you have over and over again with SIS white women that makes you feel crazy. I. Okay. Wow. We're start. I the biggest thing that bothers me is how hetero normative everything is and how hetero normative like conversations start to become where it's like I'll be sitting with a group of women, and it'll be like. It'll it'll devolve into like men are like this. When like men women are like this men are like this. And I feel like it forgets like a group of people that are queer not that you need to be, you know, always talking about that. But like for me the biggest thing when it comes to straight women. Is is one of the questions. I get asked a lot it used to a lot more as like which one of you is the man. Oh. That was a question. I used to get often the other thing that bothers me is a question like it must be so much easier. God is to be it. It should be so much easier to be a lesbian, and it's not it's like people are complicated being in a relationship is hard. All people drive all. Yeah. We're we're all traffic or like all hard. Hard question, though. Are you like do you find that when you are interacting with people who don't know, you do they just assume that you are straight? Yes. That's another thing that happens to because I don't necessarily present. As like, what your idea of lesbian looks like because my hair is long. But yeah, I will I will get that a lot as well. But isn't that? This would be very interesting to me in that. Because I also knows myself. I'm like, oh, I I don't think about anyone sexuality because I'm like repressive with light to think we're all like Ken doll down there. But it is interesting. I'll meet somebody into a suit where you're like, I assume you like the opposite sex even in twenty nineteen like, no there's like a spectrum. And there are like, you know, the range of letters. And it's really, I don't know. It was like how does that still happen? I should be better. I was I was I think I was talking to you too about it. And one of my biggest pet peeves is when grownups couple young children, but it's always like opposite sex children. I want open it up. You know, open it up to all kids like two little girls is Bill McGowan, but a lesbian couple. Let them live. I had such a hard time when I first moved to New York because every man I met I was like, well, he's gay every single man. I meant I thought was gay. And then I was like, oh, I came from the midwest where if you like showed empathy in any way, you were gay. And now, I'm just living in a different like culture that men feel perhaps and sometimes not more in touch with like sensitivity. Like, they dress differently, and like just because someone percents a certain way and isn't trying to fuck me. Doesn't mean they're there. Right. That's that was actually I went through that journey when he went to New York to I was like, wow. This is a hairy where all the street. Yeah. Exactly right behind. Everywhere. They're they're tweeting about beyond say just like you knew same question that I asked ten like what's an encounter the you've had over and over again that you're like, this drives me nuts. And this is the problem. Well, one of the things I have to deal with or have to learn to I had a very early on learn how other people saw me, I think that that ideas. I think that is also distinctly to me like. Other situation. Like when you have to think about how people see you as opposed to just what you think of yourself, and for me like people assume, I am always angry when I can tell you eight times on a ten I'm tired. There's implication that like as a black woman, especially like, I'm not I'm not small woman either. So there's no like wallflower delicate to me like that's not high present I will be auditioning to be your stern teacher every day this week. But like, but that feeling of like constantly re recognizing their like any negative emotion. I have I have to either. Deny it or put some spin on it. I think it's definitely one of the reasons why I got into comedy. It was the only way I could say stuff and half people listened without anyone getting angry and just it can just be so tough to you know, they had to be like. Hi, hey. So I haven't question high you really coming in hot like upper register statements as a question, you don't want anyone to get to upset because it's so often for me, it'd be like relaxed you don't need to worry about in. Like, I don't know about y'all. But nothing makes me angrier than being told to relax always just like registered. Like if I was if I wasn't mad before I am now. But it's like a thing where and I realized that a lot of that is, you know, the trope of the angry black woman like the all of that kind of stuff feeds into like someone sees me. And if my eyes look a little to the left, I've now escalated a situation that you know, wasn't supposed to be anything in the first place. You know what I mean? Like even yesterday, I was getting I was ordering food and it was like there too. Two young white guys in front of me. I'm standing back and kind of like made a little bit because the restaurant was like busy. So I'm kind of I've moved back to make a path the servers to do their thing. And this other young white dot com and just gets in front of me. So I go, oh, it was like, hey, I'm behind him. And he's like, yeah. Okay. I get it. Oh. Okay. Well, that was that situation like real real fucking minor. Like, then it wasn't even like I was mad as much as I've made a path. And perhaps he doesn't realize you know, what? I mean. I'm sure I'm trying to let him know. But it's so it was he was already like ours. Already like bothering him. Yeah. He was prepared. He was prepared for you to be angry. Like, he had already read anger into a situation where there wasn't anger. You were pointing something out. Does that happen to you a lot? Yeah. All the time. Yeah. So I just take so much time with winning it. All the time every day, you feel like people are almost like confused or like, that's a that's a new take on an old classic that you you are with a white, man. It's I think I think it can. I think I think some people can I think it's more like, you know, haven't taking my white lover nine years ago. People still don't think we're a couple. Yeah. So many times, you know, that we are out and together and that that assumption or there will be times where I'll have him go interact with somebody in a service or even like on the phone where like well, you do this. Because like, I know they'll listen to you. And he's not even he's not even an imposing figure. He's not like a at over. Yes. Simply that like, you know, the Caucasus of hope was that can afford even even now it's still crazy. Yeah. I mean, I was also thinking as you were talking about the different ways. People treat you differently depending on how they expect you to be, but there's also sort of people that just don't even there's a there's a class of people that I think the mainstream just ignores just pretends doesn't exist. So there's people that are visible like your visible in line in there. Like, she's mad at me. And then there are people who are right in front of our faces. All the time every day women mostly women of color, mostly poor women of color who just become invisible who nobody thinks about. And I think that that's something that we saw with the R Kelly case, for example, which we talked about a news today. The women that he was victimizing. We're young black women who nobody really gave a shit about until this surviving R Kelly Documenta. Came out. There is also a a huge prostitution bust in Florida where Asian women and women from eastern Europe, but mostly women from China and Thailand were being trafficked into massage parlors and forced to perform sexual servitude for mostly wealthy men. Like, the owner of the New England Patriots of you know, and there's three hundred men I believe who've been arrested already and in this New York Times article about this prostitution sting. They were talking to some lawyers. Who were like, yeah. All these men are calling me in their panicked like again, they're so they're so concerned about themselves. Not about the fact that they were utilizing the services of sex Riley, right? There were more concerned about their feelings. And I think a lot about the way that feminism writ large has abandoned invisible. Women, and I just was wondering, you know, what your experiences have been like is there any way to responsibly consumer go about society. Like, I mean, seriously like women who are undocumented are working is domestic workers. Who are being paid entirely in cash have no protection women who are you know, had their passports seized when they came to work in a nail salon. You know, women who work in massage parlours, like how has has the knowledge that these people exist, and that they're being exploited has that changed your behavior at all. I mean, there was a famous New York Times article few years ago that talked about how poorly women who worked in nail salons where paying and then it did seem, you know, I was living in New York at the time where places had to start posting like we pay workers this wage, and and like I I made a conscious effort to try and go to the to go to the places that were like, hey, we're not paying them as like slaves, basically. And it's interesting because I think women have the ability to do that to try and do that. Whereas men who are getting a hand job are going to be less inclined to be like, well, I wanna make sure that this woman is being paid fairly for this handwriting. Like, I it's. I don't know how they're going to like fix this catastrophic problem that there is I mean, I've been to the past two Super Bowls, and when you land in those cities, you are bump bartered with him. You like all the flight attendants, everyone working at every airport is being trained to identify sex workers and people that are there against their will. And that is like all you're seeing you're seeing like a football here and there and then like how to help women who are clearly being trafficked, and it's so heartbreaking. But unfortunately, the people that are utilizing those services, I don't think have any desire to like think beyond the surface that they're kidding. Well, because that's what I'm saying. That's the treaty teams. Like how I mean when you ask how are we living differently? I mean, I would hope that I have not been paying for a woman to be abused or mistreated. The twice a year. I get my nails did 'cause I'm like not in. But at the same time. But look when you say something like a domestic worker, then again, I've never I I don't know the ins and outs. I've never had like a mater lived in a house that had one. I don't know what that is. But I would imagine that if you can afford that person you can afford if that person is undocumented, right. You know, and they've come to you. And you know that you can afford to help them meet a lawyer can afford to help them file some paperwork if you have enough money to pay for full-time help or somebody to come in. You got you got the money to make an hour legal appointment for that person. Right. I would I would hope I would think. But again, I don't you know, know, the ins and outs. But it's you know, the extent to which. So American culture American culture kind of thrives on getting as much as you can for as little as possible. I think it would be so hard for anybody to then, you know, do what would need to be done meaning spend more do more to help the next person. Yeah. Yeah. Connected to that. It's I always find it very upsetting. The argument when it comes to like immigration and undocumented folks that like even thoughtful who I think are thoughtful liberal people will say things like, well, they'll be doing the jobs that you don't want to do. And I'm like that's not good enough. These are like people who should be treated as like well as we want to be treated here in the states. So I've always I've always hated that argument of like, he will the why are you upset? They'll do the things we hate. Well, it's also what we things we also we hate them because no one is paying them a living wage again them because there are plenty of people in this country. You know, who don't have education who don't have access or even just young people like when you were fifteen and had to have like a job. You know what I mean? Like, you you got to do some dishes to would even at that age. You're like, oh, no that's not enough money to make to do that. I was a a nanny in New York City in a very affluent area and every other nanny was a woman of color, and so I would take the baby to like the playground. And they were like so you don't work, and I was like, oh, no, I'm a nanny. And they truly were like like two of them were like, oh, cool. You're like us. And then the rest were like fuck you. Why are you taking this like where's your dad? Like, they were like are you in school? And I'm like, no, they're like, you an actress, and I'm like, no. Well, I'm a comedian. I made some bad choice, and it was like baffling to them. And I and it was almost like I was taking that shitty. Job from from somebody. Yeah. I think that's really interesting point too is like the idea of like who's taking care of kids. And there's like a, you know, it's people who provide child care also often have their own children. Yeah. And so what one thing that enables wealthy women to go out. And have it all is the paid service of a woman in a lower economic? Yeah. And that's like, that's I think Naomi were sort of getting it like visible celebrated row, you go girl feminists. A lot of times have help that are like women of color who are at they're paying. Yeah. I remember like being very young like 'cause I I started private school in Manhattan talk about affluent early. And I remember coming home and age of ten and asking my mother, I was like I don't understand racism because if black people are so bad. Why do why people let them raise their children that was something that like from the age at ten just like popped out to me was like how could we be less than you? And you let us take care of your kids. It didn't it didn't work, and then people will come back from there like they're like island trip. And I'm like, they have brains like me now than why am I really do all these different layers to which you're willing to kind of take? Yeah. Avail yourself of people and on offer. But then at the same time, those people are somehow less than you. Yeah. Very confusing. You see a lot of like what like mainstream culture take tropes from people of color, and then repackage it, you know, the Elvis affiliation of everything Ariana GRANDE dang. Yeah. Right. They repackage it. And there's when people of color are doing it. It's ignored or it's it's looked past. Or it's even sometimes looked at as lesser and the white people do it, especially like white women. It's like, yeah. Yes. Queen. That I said that in the way to sway level. Yeah. Yes. Yes. He's affirmative royalty. But that's just I don't know. I think it's just a the the whole question of like, what is feminism is something that more than anything. Feminism is not about everyone feeling good about themselves. All the time. Like, I'm a white girl. And I have spent a lot of my feeling pretty good about myself like I can afford. I can afford to be made to think most people who are in positions of privilege, whether that's economic privilege or visibility. Whatever. Most of them have have the extra energy to think a little bit about what they're doing and how they're living their lives. I think and when it comes to feminism, it's it's going to be feels like it needs to be ongoing conversation where people get uncomfortable and people feel confronted sometimes, and that sucks, it sucks to feel like someone who is like, you know, what I hate it. When people like you say shit like you just said to me. That's that's uncomfortable. But that's the only you get better. Like if you had food in your teeth when you want someone to tell you. That's true. That's true. When you get to the mirror, and you find your food you like I can't trust at but. He walked these streets like this friend to tell me, I don't want to strangers. How does how I have? I've I'm thankful for strangers who tell me things that are like food is on my face. I do it to people. I I don't know. Because what if they truly if they like walked away, and they were like, oh my God. I just talked to her for fifteen minutes. And she like, I spin John my nose. We'll spit in John. You're no. Worst case scenario spinach on your nose. Well, I think guys I think we solved it. I think we solved feminism. No. I think that this is a conversation. That's we're going to bring it up again. And there's going to be issues that come up again because this is a conversation that ever since I've been aware feminism existing has been happening over and over again. And I think the only way we make progress is to just kind of lean in, you know, like. We like like number one feminists of all time Sheryl Sandberg once said. All right. We have to seek a break. But when we come back the hills we will die on. Hysteria is brought to you by Oatley, the vegan plant based vote milk originally from Sweden. That's now available in the US. So about thirty years ago in a small town in Sweden, the scientists invented owed milk, and everyone thought he was totally crazy. But remember back then vegans were weirdos on the fringes of society. Unlike today when vegans are everywhere and includes some of the most famous weirdos non weirdos on earth. So is eating a plant based diet starting to fail. Mainstream apparently, more and more people in the US and around the world are starting to understand the benefits of eating and drinking plants. So their bodies feel good. And so the planet can better cope with the impact we humans place on it. Everybody's doing it. Aaron if use peer pressure for good cause it's still peer pressure. Exactly. I'm actually getting to kind of deep question. So thirty years ago. People thought oat milk was a ridiculous idea. Imagine how much different people's beliefs about food could be thirty years from now are we going to be looking back on Herber Barrick meeting and cancers of the early two thousands. So folks, I tried to I tried to go vegetarian for a while. And it was an interesting experiment. But I found myself feeling like I was losing physical strength. However, cutting dairy has been really helpful for me like Oatley is a pretty good substitute, especially for like, oatmeal taste, really delicious. And it's good to like to add to coffee or anything like that. So I think you know, any place that you can substitute non animal products in your diet and not have it take a physical toll on. He was something the might as well do. I don't know. What are your thoughts? I mean, oat milk law tastes under really cozy. They're delicious. Very good. They are very very good. I wasn't sold at first. But I had one recently, and it's good and Oatley is kind of the gold standard for milk that they use in the lotteries where also in Los Angeles where I do feel like it's easier. Yes. To eat a plant based diet this morning. I had an avocado that I just cut in half an eight with a spoon breakfast. Okay. I didn't do that raspberry. That's plant based. Yeah. That's play bass. Now, we can go to the fridge and the crooked media break room and have some Oatley because I know that it was there last week. And if it's going to be pissed because I'm want some now. We should mention that one easy way to go. More plant-based is to just switch from cow's milk to milk, which tastes really good on your cereal or in your coffee and to find out more than you'd ever want to know about oatmeal co two Oatley dot com. That's Boeing T L Y dot com or look for Oatley on Instagram at AT L Y. All right. We're back with the hills will die on let's start with the listener hill this week as I haven't held a diner the chill girl gets too much credit. She's usually seen as dislike relaxed Kluger like guys girl, but she's not always getting stuff done. I am not sure I never have never will be my shit done to side. He needs anxious. Little maniacs. Like knee, Raymond has. Nobody's t's. Okay. So I just want to give a shout out to the non showgirls and say, it's in that, you're not chill and society. It's you and keep on doing you a stroke. Yeah. The degree the agree hard agree. I think that film is a lot of times just boring. It's just being it's like it's like externally boring to cool for like. Yeah. Opinions or feelings. But I think it's also a blanket for intense anxiety. A person is really feeling like a numbness. Yes. Like a numbness built up built up over decades. Or pot? Oh, yeah. I don't know. But I knew I like sport girls girls who grew up playing sports and stuff. They're like cool there chilled girls. You know, they're just like that. Yeah. Sometimes it's a poker face. So I've been accused of being chill before which is not it is it is constantly like six tornados going on here. But I just hold it all in with a course set of anxiety. That's that's my children. All right. Well, let's get to the hills. We'll die on all start this week the show the bachelor is reaching its conclusion. Now, I'm a former fan of the bachelor I used to watch every season, my friend, Emily, and I back in New York used to get together and watch it like it was a sporting event. And I realized before the season even started I had to tap out. Because I finally came to terms of the fact that the bachelor is never good. It's never good. The first couple episodes are interesting because they all they have that kind of like, you know, parade of lunacy that the that the producers obviously fed these poor women who are like I'm gonna go to David's bridal and go nuts. And then I'm going to take them all the California, and I'm gonna pretend to fall in love with a wannabe actor. That's whatever. But after those episodes wants the last crazy one has gone home. It's just boring. It's like watching the most. Basic people that you went to high school with like following love have you ever been out at a restaurant, and you're sitting next to people who are just very boring looking they're not locking and you wonder what do they talk about? What do they do? That's what the bachelor is. It just shows you the most boring people in the world and talk about and do which is talk about themselves and talk about the relationship, and it is not good. And it's never good bachelor in paradise. However is great. I don't watch. Because I think it's good though, I watch because I think it's bad. Okay. But that's the I two hours or three hours, but you got to record a festival this last. I mean, I don't watch any of the dates. I don't care I watch people fighting, and then I watched growing I mean. I mean, a guy did jump over a fence this year, which was a highlight on day a guy jumped over fence. And it was it was a big deal. But my question is it is it worth nineteen hours. You spend watching the state's not I know ill say the thing that I don't like about it. Now is that these people are not rich when it first started the bachelor was rich. And then he like he was like a Firestone which didn't end well, but he had like money. And now, I'm just watching people that are poor fall in love, and I don't care about now. And it's also like women who are twenty five. We're like this. Like bitch. You've got ten years of a lot of crazy shit happening to you. If you only lean into it and embrace it seriously. You can have the ten years between twenty five and thirty five best. Yeah. Yeah. I want them to branch off and do like a thirty five and above because those people like to find wealth. That's really I want to watch that show. And then the twenty five year olds it's like, I don't care about you or your religious mom. I just not. No, no, that's my that's my least favorite straight people embarrassing themselves on TV show on the mine too. Mine is ninety day say if I'm gonna watch straight people be crazy. Gosh, I'll go next. Yes. I do have a TV recommendation do it. Now, I'm gonna say this, and you're gonna you're gonna go. No, you need to hear me out. Because I am not going to lead. You astray American idol is back, and it is so good. Like, here's the difference. You're thinking FOX, you're thinking American idol on FOX American idol on ABC, very very different FOX. She banks trying to embarrass people ABC is like trying to make you cry. I saw bd so intensely on Sunday night like truly like a family member had died at the last five minutes of it. It's feel good. This next episode. Oblige woman is singing Lionel, Richie is crying. It's really incredible. You have to watch it. Hi, I'm not. I'm not suggesting watching it not high. But like find a love one also you can fast forward, but it really is good. There are phenomenal singers on it. The stories are incredible. And I just think ABC has produced it in a way that will touch your heart in a time when you might need it. Okay. I'll give it a shot. You're you're really selling it. Although I don't really like find a need to cry anymore than I already. It's not like I'm sitting there. Like my face feels plugged up. Like what's going to express my tear ducts, but I'll I'll give it a try Meghan. It's good. All right on the hill that I'm gonna die on is can can we stop with the bachelorette activities where we have to do a workout class to guy. As like, why did you why are we waking up early and doing aerial yoga? I had to do that once and I was like this is I'm not strong enough. I can't do it. I'm hurting myself in giving myself like fabric burns because I'm not doing it properly. And no one's having. I don't know. Why why why are we celebrating your marriage by getting our heart rate up as a group at you to go to Seoul cycle because you're going to be drinking that night go to sack people do yourself? Don't like people. Yes. Those people are doing. Yes. Paul dancing classes together, which really fucking hard because it's a lot of upper body strength, which is like when I don't excel. But they're doing that's like a group thing. Then no leg. Don't just like I want to work out because I'm getting married arm, so look tone. You gotta go and do that on your part of the weekend. Like don't print me out of matching tee shirt. I also hate that. Sorry, I have to. Don't make me work out. Sorry. All right. I think that's a fair hill to die on. I'm gonna just avoid making anybody man by never getting married. All right. So me, Laura Angeles is not habitable land. Okay. And I need us to stop pretending. This is some beautiful magical place. It is rained nonstop for about three months. Now, I'm from the east coast. I'm not week. I'm not saying that like it's like, I may rain is hard. What I'm telling you is this Los Angeles. Can I handle rain? I'm gonna tell you it is I came pooping my toilet at home. That's where I'm at right now because I have on the ground floor due to this constant rain in Los Angeles, having a lack of drainage, okay? Every street's a puddle y'all everything is flooded. It is not made. Okay. And it's producer Carolina pointed out, Los Angeles has been around a few years. Okay. So they should have gotten to the bottom of this. Okay. They needed to drain some shit into the ocean. You got to do something. So I can poop toilet poop is in the streets. It's not in the streets. It's just not going all out what I'm saying. Like not going all the way out and thinking, and it's you know, this is not every single day. But if this rain goes when if it's a hard rain for like two days in a row just expect rising sea levels in my back. It's also not why we moved here. Sunshine and sushi, it's literally LS only selling point, son. Yeah. And so you take that son away. And you realize you got nothing in Detroit this place. This place sucks when it's not sunny. I'm my parents were in town this weekend, they came from Minneapolis. And there are both like oh my stars. Like Robinson Crusoe like stumbling onto the sun, and it just rained. And so we made an executive decision to go to Palm Springs because they needed to like. Sues that the sun existed? But, you know, without when the sun's not out, you're like, this place sucks. This sucks. But when it doesn't rain it doesn't wash away all the bad stench. Their stench like LA, smells does anyone not do? We all think LA Smith for. You're staying. Smells bad. Well, that's all the time. We have today Meghan, ten Naomi. Thank you for joining us, the Quila Hughes. Thank you for calling in with the news, and there will be more hysteria this necessarily. Jay Bennett, Email. I want to have any get your gun. Shut down.

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