How to Attract Your Ideal Lover - Katherine Woodward Thomas
Sitting by the fire on a Saturday night reading David Wide. By the flicker in light. I look up and you're smiling. It's only been here since the night that we wed when we danced till dawn then lay flowers in our bed as the sun started rising emissions Kiani founder of Mine Valley the School for Human Transformation. You're listening to the Minor League podcast. We'll be bringing you. The greatest teachers and thought leaders on the planet is the world's most powerful ideas and personal growth for mind body spirit and welcome back to the mind podcast. Today's guest is Katrin Woodward Thomas Katrin popularize to remarkable books that so many people meet have been reading lately. The first is calling in the one which is about how to attract your ideal lever and the second book is conscious uncoupling which is popularized by Gwyneth paltrow. She separated from her then lover so bought. These books have become highly popular and have changed the way people view relationships people view the soul mate people view breaking up and the way people divorce and so. I'm a big fan of her work. Now what captains going to share with you in this episode of the Minor League. Podcast is ideas from her. First Book calling in the one she's GonNa talk about how to attract your ideal lover. What you're about to hear is a recording from Caltrans. Talk at Mine University. Croatia Katrin set past. Doesn't define what's possible for you. What actually defines you. Is your future be bold be break take action in that direction and let the magic happen? And she's going to teach you a step by step method that ends in four steps to manifesting a miracle so that the right person who's meant to be in your life is more likely to be drawn to you let's get started with Katrin Woodward Thomas ambitionless Kiani. And this is the Mind Valley podcasts. So about twenty. Five years ago I was a graduate student. I was getting my master's degree in clinical psychology. And I was incredibly shy shy in the way where it made it hard to people directly in the eyes and at the time I was kind of a starving student I was living hand to mouth. I had had a modestly successful career as a singer and I think the world successful. I'm using it. And the most generous term of the word I had founded or CO FOUNDED NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION. That was doing work with homeless but I was still struggling. I'm still trying to find myself really. And in the midst of this I started to feel intuitively that somewhere in the future that I was going to be speaking to thousands of people now. This didn't make any sense to me at all. The gap was so severe. It was actually confused by that kind of premonition so I called my mom and I said mom I think I'm going to be speaking to thousands of people and this is what I learned the lesson that if life is giving you the seeds of vision and their emerging in the depths of your being you probably don't WanNa call your family and tell them about it because my mom said to me. Well what the hell are you going to be talking about? 'cause WE'RE FROM. New York and I didn't know how to answer that question. I certainly had no level of mastery over any area of my life. I was still kind of struggling and trying to figure it out and I certainly never dreamed that I'd be speaking about love because that part of my life was just a disaster and yet I kept having this feeling. I was going to be a teacher and I would elevate educate and inspire people. The one thing that I didn't know about this. Is that if this was a future. That was possible for me that I should probably become a person who actually had something valuable to say and that it should probably focus on becoming a person who is trustworthy with that kind of power the power to influence people and that it should certainly become the kind of person who could actually look people in the is when I spoke to them and so this kind of became my north star. This possible future that I had no particulars about what that might even look like and I began to hold myself accountable for being who I might need to be in order to fulfil the future. And so I- up leveled my game and I started to really take my spiritual path much more seriously and I started to take my psychological development much more seriously started to hold myself accountable and measure all of my actions and my choices against this possible future. I forgave people. I chose the high road. I made amends wherever I could. I began to keep my word. I began to study more diligently and all inside of becoming the person I might need to be two one day stand in front of thousands of people and have the opportunity to speak and I even worked with my physicality. So it'd be walking down the street in the morning and I think to myself. Well how would a world leader of love and light walked down the street and I'd stand a little taller and I'd walk a little. You know more straight up and and then. I'd walk into the local starbucks and I'd ask myself well. How would a world leader order her morning? Coffee and I looked baristas straighten. Ai and I'd say I'll take a tall Americano please in this very noble way and it was that future that actually began to give who I was being in the present and I just wanted to tell you that because I'm having a moment right now because between us right here and all of our friends on the livestream I am indeed experiencing fulfilment of that possible future that I've been working for for so many years and I am indeed. Thank you and I am indeed here to talk to you about love so whether you are in a place where you yourself. WanNa call in the one or I saw a lot of. Raise your hands that you're in a relationship so whether you want to elevate the connection that you have with the one or whether you're just with someone and you don't really know if it's the one or if you something else entirely on your mind today you're standing for miracle in your health. You're standing for a breakthrough in finances. You're standing for causing something beauty in the world. And there's a gap right now between your experience of life and where you feel called to go. I just went. Invite you to put that at stake in this conversation and to bring it here and to apply what I'm saying to your circumstance so my own miracle in love began twenty years ago really twenty years in six months ago to be exact it started with where all miracle start which is that. I had no chance in hell of this ever happening and I was forty one at the time and I had never been married and this was a source of great disappointment to me because I had longed for a partner I longed for family. I wanted to have a child and so I was kind of adjusting myself and trying to make the best of it but I felt very disappointed and I was fortunate enough at the time to be a part of the circle of people who were setting intentions and holding those intentions with and for each other. Now because this is twenty years ago we actually didn't know the research on it because the research came later but I want to tell you that Princeton University has come out with a study that wouldn't bonded. Groups of people are holding an intention together that it six times more likely to happen than if you're just holding it on your own so. I just validated. You taking all this time to come and be with your friends at mind bowel and sharing your visions and your intentions with each other. So this is what we were doing in this group and mostly people were focused on wanted to double their income or they wanted to buy a house and they were manifesting these things but I wanted to call in love so I called a friend from this group and I was kind of fueled because I was coming off yet. Another failed love affair. I had had wasn't like no one was showing up in my life. I had relationship after relationship after relationship and unfortunately they were always impossible relationships. I had a pattern of attracting and unavailable. People Select Married. Men Engaged men commitment. Phobic men alcoholic men workaholic. Gay Men who wanted to explore had a thing for me so it had just yet another disappointing love affair and I called up my friend day on me and I said Naomi. I'm going to set an outrageous intention. I'm going to be engaged by my forty second birthday. That was eight months. Outta had no possibility for a partner in my life and she said something that really changed my life. She said Catherine I'm going to hold that intention with you and for you. If you give me permission to hold you accountable to being the woman that you would need to be to have that happen in that moment. My whole world futures shifted. Because rather than you know running out frantically to try and find love to meet that deadline. I turned my whole attention towards myself to identify and release any hidden internal barriers. That I had not been aware of until that point I took full responsibility for myself as the source of my experience and once I shifted my attention toward seeing myself a source. All sorts of things began to be revealed. Every morning. I would sit. Earn my meditation cushion and I would imagine that future as though it were already happening now and I put it into my body. What does it feel like to have that person's hand on the small of my back? What is it sound like when he's singing in the shower or talking on the phone in the next room? What does it smell like when he brings roses to me or when he's cooking dinner for me and I would just imagine it because I wanted to have a baby? I imagined like what might feel like to have a bowling ball in your belly and your waddling through the kitchen so I began to imagine this and then I would ask myself three critical questions I would ask myself Catherine. What would you need to let go of in order to make room for this vision to come to you? What would you need to release from Your Life? A relationship an old habit a belief toxic dynamics what would I have to let go of the second question? How do you need to grow yourself and develop yourself in order to be ready when this relationship comes to you? How will I need to communicate how to handle my own big emotions so that I stopped being so hot tempered? How do I pace relationship so that I can build trust rather than just assume trust and then get myself? I'll disappointed and then the third question is what's next step so I'd go immediately into action? And you know I find that when we ask the university's questions a lot of clarity merges you have to ask the question first but if you ask life. What's my next step to get to that future which looks impossible from this perspective? You will start to intuitively know what that next step is. So I wasn't having burning Bush experiences. I would get up from my meditation cushion and suddenly notice for the very first time that in my apartment there were only pictures at single women. Nobly staring off into space so I took the girls down and I put them in the closet. Put Up new pictures that represented community and love and relationship and togetherness one day. I just got inspired to clean out my closet so that he would have a place to put his things. I noticed that I had my bed. Which was a double bed but I had. It pushed up against the wall so that you could only get into it from one side so thanks. Wade. The bedroom. I turned bed cat or corner to night tables there but really what started to happen was actually deeper. I started to see all of the inconsistencies within I started to inquire into a what are the parts of me. That don't actually want a relationship while I actually really discovered that I love my freedom and I didn't really want to be dominated by someone else's agenda or their needs. I also saw that. I had a belief in this either or kind of universe where either I got to have a mission oriented career. I got to be a creative person. A force of nature in this universe or I got to be in a relationship but when I made a conscious then I could say to myself okay. Well that's option A. AND OPTION B. What ABOUT OPTION C? Like what would it look like to actually have a relationship where you can become more than you are because you're so loved and you're so supported and you have someone in your corner always rooting for you? It was like a new concept but also began to see all the ways that my past was in my present and preventing me from actually manifesting that future. I saw the ways that I was still holding onto resentment where I was still victimized by like past boyfriends. I mentioned that I had a nonprofit. I had a big resentment at this time towards my co partner which we had dissolved the organization and I had a lot of anger towards him about how that happened because originally it was my idea and my vision. It was quite a beautiful vision. What were doing we were actually bringing songwriters down to skid row to co write music about people's transformation and then we're supporting them to rejoin the community by giving them the sense of belonging. It was really quite lovely and it became a thing and the music community. We had like a thousand musicians. Participated lasted for five years. It was a big deal. It was beautiful. We'd star artists recording the songs. And when I left you know he was kind of my half in half out boyfriend so we had a lot of turmoil and when we ended our relationship my worst fear happened and he kept the organization and then he did nothing with it so it died so I was seething about this now. I knew I didn't want to bring this into my next relationship but inside of giving up victimization inside of this commitment I actually asked myself for the really the first time Catherine. What was your part in that and again when you ask all the answers come and I suddenly saw that really when I was given that vision in the beginning I didn't actually believe in myself and so I didn't know him very well at the time we went out to dinner. I told him about the vision. I really wanted to just suss out whether he thought it was a viable thing to do. He loved the vision and I just made him a full-on partner fifty percent right off the bat. I didn't keep the fifty one percent. I just gave it away because I didn't believe in myself and that was a turning point in my life because for years I've been giving things away in devaluing myself and not believing in my own creativity and when I finally took responsibility I saw. It was actually all me. I given away my power to him constantly and I discovered in that moment that we only resent people to the extent that we give our power away to them and I forgave myself by making vowed to never ever devalue my contribution again and that changed my life for the better today. He's a very good friend of mine. The other thing I looked at is old agreements. That were anchoring me. In the past year old agreements or the kind of unspoken almost unconscious agreements that. We make like my sister's pretty one. I'll just be the smart one or I don't WanNa be happier in love than my mother was because my mother you know deserves to have company in her misery. The agreement that I saw was to an old boyfriend who I had broken up with over twenty years before that his my high school boyfriend frank and we were very in love all through high school and we even had names picked out for our kids. We were in for the long haul but when I graduated. High School just became clear. We had two different paths to go. I wanted to go to college. He didn't want to go into the business of his family. So we part ways and this very dramatic way and it was terribly Shakespearean in my heart and I couldn't bear the thought of never being with him again so I made a pledge to him. I said I'll tell you what we'll go our separate ways now but when we're in our sixty s we'll come back together again and then we'll get married which made sense to me when I was eighteen but it obviously didn't register for him because he went out and just got married the next year and then had three children a very successful life. But you know I dreamt about him for twenty years and I realized. Wow there's a pardon me still hoping still holding out that maybe one day and I'm keeping myself single because I'm thinking maybe one day it will happen. I also noticed toxic relational dynamics that had been habitual which very often happens in family relationships so all of these things that needed to get up leveled and cleared up and I needed to start telling the truth and I needed to start setting boundaries. I basically needed to start showing up consistently in a way that was consistent with the future that I was committed to creating and have my loyalty there but the biggest block to love. Was that my own sense of self was incongruent with that future fulfilled. You see when I was a child. I was born to a teenage mother. My parents got married because they had to is back in the fifties but they didn't like each other very much so they fought a lot and they fought so much. They ended up having this very antagonistic hostile separation and so my father left. Eventually I lost connection with him entirely even though he was kind of the love of my life and my mother was young and in college and it was back before people knew any better so she would leave me home in an empty apartment at night when she went out partying with her friends because they thought it was okay to that back then and then I was a Latchkey kid which basically meant it for years. I came home after school and I was alone in the house. So I had formed this deep sense of myself as fundamentally alone in this world that no one would ever really be there for me that I would never really get my needs. Met By anybody and inside of now I think a lot of us know these kind of core wounds and the meaning that we make and then the Michigan that it kind of creates in our lives but what was different about this time because I'm owning myself as the source I asked myself how am I the source of this story alive. How is it that I have managed to stay on my own for all of these years so in other words I wouldn't even be victimized by my own consciousness. I wanted to know how it was actually happening through me and not just to me and inside of that inquiry started to see very clearly well number one that I would get involved with people. Who would predictably not be able to be there for me because were committed elsewhere number two that. I had lowered my expectation so much that I didn't even bring my deeper feelings needs to the relationship. I would just be the one who gave all the time in a way that sign of a safer position because it was the power position. I'd never really have to experience the disappointment of people not being there for me. I perfected the art of self sufficiency. I rarely asked for support. I didn't let people into my inner world and so when I saw that clearly. I asked myself sweetheart. What's actually true about this story that you're all alone in no one will ever be there for you and everyone will always leave and I realized it wasn't even true. It was a myth that I had made up as a child and was living into that story and perpetuating that story and how I was showing up over and over and over again and so I woke myself up out of this story and I asked myself what is more true than that story and what I came to is that I came here to love and be loved and I have the power to learn how to have rich deep connections with others grow over time and then I asked myself. And how will I be showing up to create that and I started to take the risk to show up in ways that fell completely? Outside of WHO I've known myself to be vulnerable. I would be transparent. I started to actively take on breaking up that structures. I started to take on projects that were bigger than me that I would have to work with other people and have to become reliant upon people's interdependent with people and I started living into that future at the level of identity and that was the biggest shift because the moment I started to do that. Guess what people actually started to be there for me. At a whole different level people started telling me I am so relieved that you're finally opening up to us that we finally get to be there for you and that just rocked my world. Because it wasn't how I knew it to be so every insight that I had went into action immediately. How can I put this to good use? How can I show up differently? What can I do to generate life from the future backwards in several weeks into this process? I called a friend from my group and I said I'm really getting impatient because it's the end of March my birthdays August. He's not here yet she said. Why don't you go online Catherine now? That's a normal thing now. Twenty years ago. That was not a normal thing. Twenty years ago people didn't even have their pictures up online. If you can even imagine such time twenty years ago still like one step above the personal ads in the newspaper. You know like a lonely hearts club kind of feeling but I did it. I did because I was coach. -Able I went online. There was only really one dating site but it had a quarter of a million people. It doesn't even exist anymore. Had A quarter of a million people and I start reading through the profiles and I ended up responding to only one person completely anonymously back then. They had handles like no names or identifying characteristics. No pictures but to hurt. Speeding is one like the handle. So I responded awkward a little email and then that was it for me. That was as much as I could tolerate and the next day. When I woke up this gentleman had written me back and it went straight into my email box and his name was in parentheses and it was the man I had dated six years earlier. Who FOR YEARS? I had thought of as the one that got away and we went out on a coffee date with a matter of hours. I knew he was the one I was calling in. We got married the next year. I gave birth to our daughter and at that point I thought OK. This can't just be a personal miracle so I went back and I started to try and decipher what I had done. And I saw that. I started with a really big bold intention and that followed it with taking complete responsibility for myself as the source of my experience and the third thing that I did is I aligned my identity with my future self and began living from that sense of self and the fourth thing is that I saw myself as a co creator of this process. I wasn't just passively praying for love or hoping for love or waiting for it to happen. I started to show up in a way that was aligned with my intuitive knowing that was breaking up the old patterns and that was giving me optimal opportunity to manifest that miracle so I wrote a book about it and that became calling in the one I had no platform at the time. I was kind of a Newbie. Psychotherapist I took seven years to get licensed and I had just gotten my license and I wrote a book and within four months. It became a national bestseller. So here I have the great husband. I have the baby. I have the national bestselling book. We bought our dream house. Thousands of people started coming to me to teach them how to manifest love. I was kind of living happily ever after to help. I had it down and then of course a decade in we decided to get unmarried so I had a little PR problem on my hands. And I didn't know if I was going to be able to come back from it but I wasn't willing to stay married for PR reasons. I needed to live in authentic life and so I- trusted the process and mark and I decided to get unmarried. Not because anything was so horrible in our marriage but because we'd really grown apart and we felt that what was really strong as between us was co-parenting or daughter. Now I'll tell you when we first decided this I was terrified. It was going to be like pass breakups. 'cause I have had some very bad breakup. We had Franco who I dreamt about for twenty years. I'd another break up in there while I started smoking again. I didn't eat or sleep for a year. Half the hair on my head fell out. It was very very traumatic so as afraid of that happening but the biggest fear I had was that my daughter was going to be damaged because we all know that divorce damages children and certainly my parents divorced at a lot of crazy stuff to me and I saw mark also had had parental alienation. His parents got divorced. We were very sensitive to this and the other thing I noticed at this time is that I did feel. I mean socially embarrassed double so because of calling in the one but I also felt ashamed that I knew a lot of other people. Feel at the end of a break-up and so one day I was just sitting with this sense of shame. And what I know about shame as guilt is when we violate our own internal rules but shame is when we violate the rules of our culture. We're not being who were supposed to be in this life and so I thought about it and I wondered who standard Semi Holding Myself Accountable to and that's when I realized that we're all kind of inside of the happily ever after myth so I got curious about that and I went to research that like who made the story up anyway because we have it like God made the mountains God made the signing God made happily ever after and what I discovered is that it's a four hundred year old myth that started not far from here in Venice Italy when the life conditions were exceptionally different than they are today. First of all the lifespan was less than forty years of age. It was certainly no mobility where people were moving around. There is very little choice. Half the children were struggling with illness. To the point where only half of them would become sixteen. The rest would die in that world. Okay probably start to keep the parents together and you also notice in happily ever after that. There is this expectation of upward mobility because all of happily ever after you know is about up popper a commoner marrying a noble person. Well did you know in Venice? Four hundred years ago that there was actually a law on the books that would prevent such marriage. So that if you were born in poverty you were most certainly going to die in poverty so we have to realize that these cultural contracts come out of the life conditions of the day and when I thought about it like that I realized well the life conditions of our time serial monogamy. I'm not promoting serial monogamy but most of us are slated to have two or three very significant relationships in our lifetime. Those are the statistics so I thought well we're up leveling our exercise programs and our diets and our educational practices. Shouldn't we may be considered up leveling our separation practices. You know even though I'm pro marriage. I'm not pro misery and I'm certainly not pro hostile divorce because I know what that does to children so mark and I got together and we decided that we were going to align upon the possibility that our daughter could have a happy childhood and that we could actually create a happy even after family and a post divorce. Family that was cohesive and kind and contained where she wouldn't have to choose sides she wouldn't have to deal with the festering resentments now. There was some inner work that we had to do in order to do that. And the inner work was that we had to manage our emotions. You know because there is almost a biological component. When we'RE BREAKING UP WITH PEOPLE PSYCHOLOGISTS call it a rupture of attachment. It can be very traumatic thing and most of us know that we can behave uncharacteristically bad at the end of love and do things that we later regret terribly or we see that other people have done that to us. The Japanese have a saying that. Says you don't know your wife until you divorce her so I created these steps. That allowed us to do this well. That would allow us to live in alignment with our ethics as opposed to our overwhelming emotions. So that we could show up in integrity with who we actually are an even a positive future happening not just for ourselves but for everyone involved so finding emotional freedom learning how to manage those emotions and actually take the negative energy and transport them into good or reclaiming our power and our live which is really about noticing the deep dark resentments that we hold onto and let me just tell you something if you are a person who's struggling with resentment it's probably because somebody behave badly see. We have to validate the hurt. That we've experienced relational it happened. It was a violation so we don't want to skip over that but we don't want to be dominated by it so I like to say even if someone was ninety seven percent wrong. You WanNa look at your three percent. Because that's what you can get your life from because you look at that three percent you say okay. Even though that person was a narcissist and they were malignant and they did all this stuff to me. The truth is is that I was giving my power away to that person. I was pretending to be less than who I am. I was ignoring my own deeper knowing I was dismissing my feelings in needs and service to taking care of the perceived failings needs of someone else. See once you start to look at your three percent. That's a very consuming place to be putting your attention. We have a lot of work to do on ourselves on that three percent. So you know forgiveness is an organic process when you really wake up to yourself as the CO creator of Dynamic and you make an immense to yourself you promise yourself that from this moment forward I will always live in integrity with the truth of who I am. I will always honor my deeper knowing and take responsibility for myself. I will always negotiate for my needs. I will always take responsibility for presences myself right. So you get your life out of that moment and know that your whole life is going to change. Not just in intimate love but everywhere. Because you've been doing it everywhere. There's also the insult to identity that a break up is we're once you were the most wanted person in the world and now suddenly if you're rejected you're deeply unwanted and we tend to default to what I call your source fracture story which is the original wounding in your heart so breakup have broken opened. Have a complete transformation at the level of identity and to begin to see how we have been duplicating old wounds in that relationship and if you can really take responsibility for yourself as the search you could even start to see how you almost set somebody up to fail you in the same ways see. This is really the truth. This is the truth and the truth is what does set us free because we can finally go back to that original story that consciousness that we landed upon about who we are in relationship and we can begin to challenge that part of us and recognize the deeper truth of ourselves as worthy as powerful as already deeply loved and we can begin to mentor that younger self in our bodies so that he or she is no longer running this show and we can start to show up in our power in our integrity in an authenticity relationships. So this is the first three steps that are internal the fourth and fifth is about how to create peace how to generate cohesion had a create healing how to dissolve the resentments between you had to set up structures where everyone gets to win moving forward how to align your community on the new farm relationship so I wrote all this down to when I wrote all of this down when it's powder heard about it and she it into the lexicon and the whole world suddenly knew about this new alternative to antagonistic hostile divorce and it started a global conversation that didn't exist before I wrote it down and created conscious uncoupling so how would a world leader of love and light order her morning coffee about a year ago. I decided that it was time for me to call in the next one and I felt a little insecure about it. Because you know I'm a little older and now I'm well known and I have you know a big life and who in the world could match me and I'm such a specialty item. We all have all these reasons about why. It's for other people and not for us if I went through the room. I'd I'd hear your reason about why is for other people and not for you so I decided though to put one foot in front of the other and my version of a vision board was to resurrect my singing career and to create an album called lucky in love and I had the good fortune of working with the corn brothers and there are these two Australian Angel people who get up underneath singers and begin to collaborate with them and kind of create musical magic. And so I shared with them that I had this vision of wanting to do this album as a form of weaving a new future into existence. And so they partnered with knee and I managed to write the breakup song the forgiveness song getting into the consciousness of song the early stage of dating song. I even managed to write the. Oh I might be falling for you song but what. I couldn't write the having of love so so I called up. Isaac one of the Brothers. I said I'm really stopped and we're stopped and said I'm in a place of non possibility I'm feeling a little emotionally centered in resignation. Here you know even the Queen of calling in the one needs support from her friends. We all need each other to hold the high watch for each other so he talked to me for maybe about an hour and at the end of the hour it opened the door opened because he listened to all my story and the past and all the reasons why and he got it he witnessed it and then we went right into possibility together so when. I got off the bone I was able to write this beautiful song of the having of love and he just wanted to sing the I i. I'm hoping that can sing right now. Sitting by the fire on a Saturday night reading David White by the flickering light. I look up and you're smiling. It's only been here since the night that we were when we danced till dawn then lay flowers in our bed as the sun started rising. And then the lyric continues. Thank you thank you. Could we grow roots like a tree go as deep as the sea together? Could we expand like the sky and sale right on by bad weather for once in my life? I can hear the music to my song. Everything's right as I listen to. You Sing along harmonize on and on. I love you. And so we went into the recording studio by the way for those of you who David White is. He's a beautiful prolific poet so we went into the recording studio and we recorded it. We called the Song I love you which never felt quite right but it was the only it was like okay. Well I can't think of another name so we'll call it. I love you and a few weeks later. I met my car through another crazy. Security shouldn't really happen. This way wasn't expecting it didn't see it coming to try and make it happen just showed up and we fell deeply in love three weeks into our courtship without knowing about this song. Michael sent me a David White Poem and Sarah. Now we're building our beautiful lives together and of course you know. I've grown myself richer and deeper and wiser because I'm always leaning into who I would need to become and so what's possible in the relationship is a different kind of depth that I've ever experienced before so the four things about had a manifesto miracle. Okay thank for things number one. Stop Boring God with your little tiny visions go for something? That's completely impossible. Go for something that is bigger than you are and that you have no way of knowing how that could ever possibly happen because I think we inspire the angels when we do you unleash all sorts of synchronicity and magic when you do that so start with a big. Big Big Vision. Put it out there and if you WANNA have a lot of urgency in your life put it in time they shall be so. I'M GONNA make my first million dollars within one year is like go. You're on you see because when you put a big vision into the future it almost begins to pull you into who you need to be what you need to do. It begins to give you your actions and it informs you about the ways you need to grow and develop immediately with an urgency number two as you want to be living your life as though you are the source of it now. It's not like we're not victimized. Were victimized by a lot. It's a choice to live in a way where you see yourself as the source of everything how am I the source of it? Don't get caught up in the negativity of victimization because she'll get stuck there. You want to always ask. How did I give my power way? What was my part in? This how might I reclaim my power? Sometimes not being victimized is just who am. I going to be in the face of this because there really wasn't anything that you did to create it but it's the most powerful creative way to live life. Creativity begins where victimization ends. There is no creativity and victimization. There is only reaction. There is not creation. The third thing the most important thing. You must align your vision with the self of your future fulfilled. We cannot receive into our lives that which is inconsistent with her identity to have we absolutely can't and if you look at your life you're going to see that there are things that are easy for you to manifest and if you look at the identity you have in there. You're GonNa see that you you kind of expect these things to come to you. Expect that you can make money. You're make friends with your health is going to be good at. You're always going to have another job. You'll land on your feet. Some of you expect love and you get it. Maybe everyone in your family always had that. Maybe you were always told you are good at that particular thing things that we struggle with in life those things that are outside of our identity to have and when I talk about identity what I'm really talking about is the self that you formed in response to the traumas that you went through and it might be generational you might inherit an identity from your mother's trauma or your grandmother's tremor your grandfather's trauma. It works that way. So we don't have to resolve all the trauma in our allies before we can have what we desire. What we need to do is stop identifying and being defined by that trauma and to awaken to who we actually are because the fulfillment of your vision is outside of that Old Story. And you want to start to define your life. According to the future that you're committed to creating and not what you've endured in your past and then the fourth thing is to awaken to yourself as a CO creator of that future fulfilled to give up praying for hoping for wishing for waiting for someone to invite you waiting to be noticed you WanNa begin to generate that future inside of the actions. You're taking the choices that you're making. You want to start to hold yourself accountable for being who you'd need to be in order to fulfil upon that future and begin acting on it and don't fall into the trap of thinking that psychological insight has anything to do with action. Psychological insight is Great. But it's only the beginning of the journey. We have to make an effort to evolve ourselves. Be On that story so really my message here today is just to tell you that the past doesn't define what's possible for you at all it informs who you are today but it doesn't define you what actually defines you is the future that you're standing for creating so be bold. Be Brave take action in that direction and let the magic begin. Thank you very much. If you enjoyed that episode you might WanNa Check Mine Valley all access you can learn more at mine valley dot com forward slash access. Acc E. S. S. This is where you get access to all of mine. Valley's most amazing programs. It allows you to create that redirection in your life from where you are today to where you should be. An all access is the collection of the world's top personal growth programs all available to you on Mine Valley for less than two dollars a day. So check it out mind dot com forward slash access. And I'll see you on our next episode Kiani and this is the Mind Valley podcast.