Wearing Capes For Personal Reasons
Friendship is proud to be part of the Chicago podcast cooperative. This episode is sponsored by cards against humanity. They asked us not to read an ad enjoy the show, I'm Jen. And I'm Tren this friendship ING and the theme. This week is being good at saying those words word to saying things. Good best words, Jim tweedy events has many businesses that sometimes they raise drama, and you wanna calling quiz. Don't right. Visa or dates? The. True. And I did the unthinkable this weekend. What I did karaoke. No, we wait. Hold on. Yes. What kind of carry? Yes. This is a very important. Thank you for that. Perfect. Follow up questions. She's beautiful and she's smart people. Oh, okay. So it was Korean karaoke. So that's the room. Yes. Exactly. Which is why it is so much better because you shut in a room, and you get really hunt Saudi which is what happened to all of us and with your friends, and you don't have to sing in front of strangers or perform you can just sit there and dance or you can get up and sing one song with the help of like three other people I love and to me that song was everywhere by Michelle branch. That's wonderful. You're everywhere to me. So we're they everywhere to you. That is fantastic. I just feel like the one person standing up and putting on a show version of karaoke only really works for people who can really sing in theater kids. Yeah. Exactly theater kids need that shit. Yeah. I did it out of your system. That's an appropriate place to get it out of your system yet like the Korean version where you're sitting and there's like four microphones being passed around. And somebody got. Arena and somebody's got harmonica. Did you have like a Coon from all we did not? But I did a slap my knees. It was like I my own little instrument, your the it's got Jen ban on percussion. Gen vein. Eating fries in the corner. Jen, I m. I am sleepy beast. I took Zad coil which is equal in American. But my partner's Canadian, and they say Zad quill, I still don't fully understand this. Etienne language things these equals, Ed. Yeah. And so okay Zaza top, you know, what I was going to talk about like being tired. But honestly, let's talk about this weird shit. I so zebras zen zebra says, Bruce, they're probably not. But let's say they are said birth like he says AD said, oh my God. I know like an absurd words right now there is there's this plant called z plant, and I was trying to describe it to him. And he's like, oh, I want to Google. It is easy plans. Like, how do you spell it like Z? I like, no, no. It's just as easy. And he goes so Z E so Zad e e no just Z z. Gosh, how do you guys? Get anything done in said that I never okay. So the word buzz. Yes. Besides it was it. That's how it works. That's the king's English. The word Ditz dessert. The it's kinda like I hate this. And I'm looking up scrabble. Oh my God. There are a lot of Z words in here. I use. How does he say the word I soon this comes up a lot? Beastie L E V C allies. I just assume this to wear the or best bastardized bastardize. So vast dudes said this this this this is not working unless let's just go into the question. Okay. Let's do it. Okay. So we got some questions about small talk. Here's. Just put together we have questions about small talk and talking to another and we're very bad at it. We just we just bailed out of it. We were just like, you know, what this isn't working pack. It up move on. You wish you could do that. That was yesterday guys, my friend who babysits often recently told me that she babysat this like sitting this like six year old and they were like sitting at the table having conversation while he was like eating cereal. And then she asked him a question. He goes where we don't have to keep talking. I'm done talking now. And she was like, oh my God. That's so good. Why can't lead you though? Oh my God. So okay. Just to recap Jen, and I had failed banter. But now we're going to answer your questions, and we might fail at that. Too about talking. Okay. Hi friendship. I understand that you should ask lightweight questions and not tell your whole life story to someone when you first meet them. So what are appropriate questions for someone you just met? How's the weather seems boring? And I'm worried that anything else, I think will be too much. I don't want to be too much. I want to be exactly enough, please. So okay. There are many situations in which small talk is perfectly appropriate. Even. If it feels boring small talk is necessary. It's a necessary evil. So people can feel out if they are comfortable or if they need to Cape. Yeah. And small talk isn't appropriate in every situation. Sometimes the appropriate thing to do is to not talk to the person at all. Yeah. Man. That is always like the disclaimer of our entire existence trend, right and meet when trindon I do panels, and like, what is friendship ING. Why did you do this? We usually say like this will help you meet friends, we hope, but here's our here's the thing. You don't have to have friends. You don't have to meet people at this convention, you do not refund. Anyone who's rude to you? And in this case same applies. You do not have to make small talk with everyone. You really don't. And I think that one of the reasons why people hate small talk so much is because it happens when they don't want it. So small talk in happen. Like, if you're trapped in an elevator with somebody small talk can happen when you are doing an interaction with a waiter or waitress sometimes it is best to be perfectly professional such as like, a you. When you're talking to a customer service person. That is not the right time to ask. How's the weather? How you doing and being in an elevator? This is a transient experience. You're not gonna see this person. Again, small talk is for when you are starting off a not even necessarily relationship at starting off an interaction when you're starting maybe leading into a deeper conversation, small talk is not really for people that you are paying or can escape. Yeah. So like, it you can say, hey, how are you to barista? But you can't say, hey, how are you? Where'd you go to school like they there's probably a line behind you like they need like you can't take up someone space and time if they don't have a reasonable polite way to dismiss you. Right. That reminds me of another great best unit of small talk, which is the conversation that you have with your hairdresser. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. So that's another. That's a situation where small talk is perfectly appropriate. You sit there you have to sit there. It's one on one. You can even say something like, oh, you know, what? I'm really tired today. Is it? Okay. If I just don't out. I mean that that happens too. But that's one of those professionals spaces where small talk is appropriate. Even though it's not what we just described. My hairdresser always asks me if I have any trips planned for the year, which I think is a good question. And I'll tell my answer. And then I'll reciprocate the question. He's always got the most amazing trips plan. He's going to Greece. He's going to Prague he's been to London for eighteen days. So that is a really good example of a good small talk question. Yeah. Like it it worked it worked like a good small. Todd question can be a question that you have a very good answer to because it gives the person you're talking to an opportunity to they have an easy question asked, which is what you just ask them, and you already have your answer lined up. Here's an example of one that did not work with. My hairdresser loves going to be here done like the Friday before Christmas. So like, the the mood was festive people people were leaving work to take like twelve days offer something so people were like getting ready for the holiday parties and stuff like that. So he asked me to go into any parties tonight. There was no, no, no. I'm not actually. And then his answer was I've gone. I've been invited to five tonight. Why we also told me one of them started at midnight. And I was like I don't know hundred respond to this without insulting this person. Right, such as are you kidding me? Or why would you do that? Who the hell does that? Or why did you get invited the five parties are these celebrities? Are you lying? Does the other thing is that? So there are plenty of times with small talk where people make shit up. I remember one time I was on the on a plane to New York with my mother, I was fifteen years old and a gentleman was sitting next to us in the aisle seat. My mom is in the middle. And I was in the window, my mom, and I had so much drama mean, we could barely keep our eyes open and she had to field questions from this guy the entire high in right? Oh, that is one of the escape that you know, what I was gonna gonna like Blake make this into like a tail like what had an ending with like a moral conclusion. But I am so distressed thinking about. And having to deal with small talk when you are drugged. I don't do it. So your question going back to it was what are some appropriate questions for someone you just met? Okay. So I like that used the word appropriate because there are definitely some that are not appropriate. Let's set the scene so the traditional Smalls conversation through traditional appropriate small conversation happens in a place where you've got two people who are equally free to leave and who are equally interested in potentially speaking. So this could be your in a big group of people, and you're at a conference, we've got a tweet to PECS east bunch of games and industry conferences coming up. I'm sure that there are industries that have conferences in this season as well. This is the travel season. Maybe you are in a bar where there are people who want to milk up. I don't know. Like, what do young people do? I don't know. Well, there are there. What I'm saying is that there will be appropriate situations where you will talk to people. Okay. So first off introduce yourself. Yeah. When in doubt, introduce yourself and say her name. Hi, I'm Benji. Hi. I'm toby. Toby diaper men. Toby t diaper, man. Yeah. I mean, there's always the moment. Where like does not always the moment. But often in situations. You're like, I kinda know that person I've seen that person before they probably don't know my name. But I know there's just introduce yourself just assume no one knows it can also say like, oh, you look for millier. I think as we haven't met before I'm trend. Yeah. Oh, man. Plus, you are helping people around you if you say your name because other people will you know, that really relaxes people when they when they are reminded of your name without having to ask if I have met someone once before or zero times before I will always start off with saying my name, and you didn't even give a little bit of detail. So if you're at a conference, and like say, it's a mix or at a conference. Hi, I'm Trent. I'm here with Kickstarter. Yeah. That's good. Give some context. Yeah. So who are you here with for? I'd never say what do you mean? I'm here. I'm not. Part of cards against you know, right? That's like oh 'cause. Who? But I you could say a few things are like, hi, I'm trend. I'm new here. I haven't been to Boston that often in from Chicago. Are you from room? I like that. Yeah. That's good. Give people some information before you ask for there's I think that that's a good way to start off. And they just decline. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So let's let's talk. So introduce yourself. You know, what we should've talked about before introducing yourself. What the setting and body lingo? Yeah. Yes. So I wrote down two things to consider when you are making small talk one is the setting that is literally where you are. What is your place if you are volunteering at a food pantry, and it is extremely crowded, and there's a long line that is probably not appropriate for small talk. And the other thing is body language if you were at this food Bank and someone is carrying a hot fat of gravy. That is probably not when you stick out your hand and ask how are you? That is when you ask can I help how can I help can? I can I can I help carry. That's when you stick your hand out and put it right in the gravy. Can I put my hand in this gravy? Then you lick if you for asking, yes, you may. You like your hand they hit lick the gravy from your hand looking directly, and there is very intensely. That's perfect. I mean that covers setting in body language. I think turn just gave some perfect advice. So other body language to look out for somebody who's just milling about like, you know, eating something or drinking a drink. Someone mingling mingling adults to have parties where people stand around and hold drink. Hey, standing parties I like sitting part? Yeah. But I guess there are you will be in so many standing parties in your life, even a wedding a wedding starts off with standing with Stanton than sitting. And then standing in the sitting and dancing in the sitting exactly church a smile. They may smile your way. Yeah. They might hold I contact. And then just say Hello. Yeah. You need the whole tech to the swiftly look away. You don't other thing to consider is if people are looking at their phone, or if they seem board that is not an invitation to interrupt. I agree. Okay. I have a theory. You know, how men loved to tell women to smile. Yes. And that has not gone away. But there's like this new fun trend were men till women to get off their phones artist me twice twice. And it's it's in the same tone of voice that one might say, why don't you smile more? It is don't you ever get off your phone who is saying this you strangers strangers? What? Yeah. Yeah. By passing by like one time, I was waiting for. A cab and I was waiting for camp. But I was like at a bus stop. And a guy said that to me, you know, bus stop not seeking of setting not a great place to meet on. Anyway, don't assume people what your small talk on my God. Can we talk about this phone thing? What do you? So let's talk about. I think it's because I'm young looking and I'm a short person it will. So here's the thing though. I want to think of a good response to get off of your phone. That's not go. Fuck yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Don't tell me. What to do? Yeah. I mean, the last time a hoping to smile, I said don't tell me to smile, and it didn't do anything. Like he kept making conversations, it sucks. And then I walked away. I think maybe the thing you said was stupid or just no, yeah. Not now. I keep thinking about like really shitty. Small talk interactions. I've had like one time. I was putting on some makeup before a vagina monologues performance in college. And this guy with his daughter. His young daughter was like four something was he says to me is like you don't need all that mango. Oh. And I said something I didn't hear business. I said something like don't have your business. But I wish I was just like. It's my face. Yeah. Look what he's need makeup. Nobody needs makeup choosing to put it on. And that's not up to you. We'll your choices aren't to be respected trim. Oh god. Sometimes a hey random men. Oh, random men. I like the question. How do you know the host if you're at if you're at a party or setting or something like where there is a host? I think that's a good question to ask. Yeah. If you're at like a work conference. I mean, we're do you work seems like a little presumptuous? But like what brings you here? I was just about to say what brings you here is a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I tried not to assume anything about another person's job or livelihood or anything because it can get you can just be so wrong, and you can reveal your your biases, which I hate. Instead of like, what did you major in? You should ask like did you go to school? Plenty of smart people have not gone to school in there in weightless debt than I am. I like what do you like to do? Yes. In how they like to spend your time. Right. Instead of what do you do because in increasingly, you know, younger professionals the line between what you do. And like what you do for a job. And like what your hobbies are can be blurred. But that's a good way to broach that topic. I feel like yeah. Because they can kind of pick and choose they can pick the answer. They like the most somebody very insecure say like, oh now, they're all boring stuff. I don't I just watch TV. Nobody really means that though. Yeah. Yeah. Turn out insult yourself. When you're making small talk like do you have hobbies passions is like, oh, I don't do anything. Like, oh, do you have a dog or cat or a kid? You you have something you do you do have something that you're that you like talking about yet. And if it's watch TV all the time are you a survivor fan. Yeah. Then I have something to say to you, which is too. So let's talk about some things that you don't want to say turn I've covered this topic couple times throughout the. Years which is don't don't do the third date conversation. Yes. Don't go to deep small talk means not big stuff. And I think people will hear that. And be like, yeah. Of course, not. But let's talk about what that really means. Like, a good one is what are your tattoos me? That can be very personal. Yeah. Yeah. I like that the asker did acknowledge that you you don't tell your whole life story. But also don't ask questions that require that person to give away details. I may be very personal. Yeah. So like the tattoos question your tattoos mean? Oh, man. I remember one time I went through a TSA line. And I had my sleeves rolled up. And this guy was like, oh, you know, what I'm gonna ask you. Oh, chris. And I had no idea. Yeah. And it was like why what do you mean? He's like, you know. And I was like I legitimately. Don't know what you want to ask me. Can I get into Canada? And he's like what are your tattoos like what about like an wave else? Oh, their personal they've personal meeting or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Which is a really good way to off that conversation, usually people. Stop ask polite about it. It. Yeah. Yeah. That's a really nice answer. But yeah, like, I get why you want to ask where the mysterious scar came from where did the mysterious? It's shaping lightning bolt on your four hundred. I get you want to say like what got you into wearing capes actually Cape question. Totally. That might be a good one. Ask actually. Yeah. Yeah. That's what this is tricky. And they might say it's personal. They might say I wear capes for personal reasons, and you respect that. And you can also like tie that into a compliment like, I love your style. Yes. Think that's awesome. Not. I dig your ass. That is very different. Yeah. Yeah. When in doubt, if you're going to well when in doubt, don't do the Cullman on someone's appearance, but if you are practice, and you you've done this before and you feel confident you can couple someone's appearance by combining choice. They've made. I really liked your sweater. Where'd you get it that's much different than that's what our hugs your every curve things. Like, you know, what you just seem friendly or something like that? Like you. You seem so friendly. That's so sweet. Yeah. I've mentioned the airport. Many times already in this conversation airport is worth things. Go down though, it is I spend a lot of time in airports, and occasionally somebody will come up to me asking me for help. Because I think it's because I looked kind of looked like a teacher like I'll be wearing like a cartoon again, or whatever. And also like I'm a white lady. So like everybody finds me very nonthreatening. And somebody said you seem like you could help and that is such a lovely way to like full. In a compliment into talking to somebody. I love that. So like, you seem friendly. I heard you laughing across the room, and you seem to be having such a nice time. I thought I'd come over enjoying you guys. Do you? Oh, that's so good. Yes. A really good one groups of people are easier to talk to you than totally agree. Especially at like, we we bring up like, work, conventions, and conferences and stuff. That's usually when I find myself. I don't know anyone in the room or I just know one person. And that is when I take a swig of red wine, and I just go join a group and say, hey, I'm going to crash this for a little bit. Yeah. Can I can I join your crew for a little while? I know nobody. Yeah. Yeah. And say it with a smile on your face because you know, you could be a little self deprecating without diminishing yourself. If it turns out, they're not exactly your vibe, just go to the bathroom, and then go to the other side of the room. Yeah. There's something to be said for I'm going to go. Get some more water. Yes. Yeah. Make the make the casual escape. Yes. Absolutely. And then hopefully, you'll be adopted. Yeah. Adopted will you guys a duffed me into your friend group? Get kind of your temporary stepsister. Let's talk a little bit more about stuff that maybe should steer away from more at least try to little carefully. I would say try not to swear. Oh that is such a good one. And I'm bad at that. Yeah. Very common. Like, it's. Yeah. Yeah. That's very good. You don't know anyone's boundaries or their beliefs or anything. So why make them uncomfortable? Accidentally right? I think people listen to the podcast. Probably no I curse quite a bit. It's just like I pep are my my language with it. But in small talk that can make people feel uncomfortable. But it also can be a wink in. And what I mean is you know that moment where you're talking to somebody from work, and they dropped the f bomb for the first time. And you're like, oh, you're a person to. Yeah. Yeah. Who'll so when that does happen, it feels like another like mini step here, man. I know what you mean. Like, there's a moment where someone says something, and you go I could be your friend that happened to me the other day when I was picking up Matvey from Matvey my dog from doggy daycare. We take our a couple times a week. She has so much energy that she just can't stay home. When the why she will terrorize. Sunny, west picking her up and Matvey was wearing a red bandanna. And this woman that was like giving Matvey over two meals. Like, I just love that Matvey worst different bandannas every day. And I was like, I know she's so fashionable and she was like I just bought a banana for my dog too. And it's a pride bandanna, which is so funny because they don't even know. And I was like, oh, we could totally be friends. Wanna pride bandanna for your dog? Hello like, that's so me. So like, there's a moment when you reveal something about yourself, and it just clicks man that reminds me so I had this old friend that I hadn't seen for fifteen years backstory as habitat for humanity as a teen and he went with and he was like the older kids who kinda like knew what was going on. So I was like fourteen he was like nineteen or whatever. And he was a very like big brother kind of dude. But in seen him since I was like fourteen or whatever was in a store, and he was working there. We had known each other through the context of doing habitat for humanity through our Catholic church, and he had a pride watch strap on. He's like, oh, do you. Remember me like, very, let's talk about how we're so gay. And it was great awesome. You can find your people, you know, what the little moral. This story is is when somebody is like wearing something. I think that that's a choice that you can bring up. Agreed. Yeah. Like, you're megadeath shirt. Bring it up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think could be a conversation piece or like, I like your checks. Do you like Jimmy world? That's not that big of a leap, actually, really you probably do. So I guess like all in all it seems so hard to think of lightweight questions. But really the the boundary is just don't dig too deep. You want to massage the surface. You don't want to shovel into the core. I think that's exactly nice visual to also don't massage anyone. Yeah. Don't touchy at and you know that no touchy. So question to let's do it and Trent I'm so excited. And I'm so scared me to I'm going to my very first fan convention, very soon. And I can't wait. My favorite comics, creator of all time who shall remain unnamed protect the innocent in all caps. We'll be there doing a signing. And he's literally the whole reason I decided to go. So I'm meeting my hero. And I don't know what to say to him. I want to tell him how important has work has been to my life. But like, he doesn't know me. He has no reason to care, right? Should. Should I tell him stuff like personal stuff? I don't wanna be that fan. But I also don't want to miss an opportunity to think and appreciate a person who has been important to me in times of wo-. Do you have any tips? Oh, do we ever. We super do a solar wheelhouse. Okay. So it is not an appropriate to tell this person that their work has been lot to. I think that's totally. Okay. I think that's lovely craters love that. If I know anything about creators, it's that they believe like one in every ten compliment. Yeah. So like, you could be the compliment that they actually believe and take the heart of went. And isn't that worth taking the chance guiding might be fewer than that? Yeah. And plus you said it's a fan convention. So that is an important note. Here the creator is opting in to interface with fans, and you mentioned assigning. So that's even more like something they signed up for something that they put time in their scheduled to talk to people. Yeah. There is stuff to keep in mind, though. Like keep it quick, especially if there is a line. Oh, yeah. And if there isn't a line actually, keeping a quick I think is good for like any interactions. You have with human being like the more. You can kind of condense things really the the better because you are respecting their time in their presence when you do that. Yes. So don't don't do the thing where you linger don't linger near their table oath barnacle booth by don't barnacle there yourself onto them. I think that's Pat bears. Yeah. That's what he calls it. So like, a so you mentioned that they're doing assigning, which genyk completely agree with you like they blocked off a time four interacting with fans that is what that is for any would not be appropriate. It for you to bring something to sign. The difference would be if this was say like because you know, she said comics creator, and oftentimes comics creators will have like a table in an artist alley or the booth and that is where they'll be putting business at the same time. It's talking to fans, and so you kind of have to be very aware of everything that's happening. You can't get in the way of business transaction because this is how they earn a living. And if you want them to keep making comics you need to allow them to sell things so a booth barn. Call is somebody who sticks around that table for just like way too long? And sometimes they will do that after receiving some soft nose or or you know, being kinda shuffled off. And it's just another way that you want to be aware of how much space and time you're taking up because they are there to work. Yes. Yes. There to peddle their wares. And you are not. And also you mentioned the uneven power dynamics of you being fan in them being creator. But also acknowledged the unfair power. Of they are in a business. And if they look bad to you or if they react negatively, you might stop being a patron of them. That's true. And they're they could be there on someone else's dime. Yes. Or not they could be paying their way there too. Which means they probably really want to take advantage of every minute. They have right. Right. Right. So you said that their work has gotten new through times of well. I don't know how much detail you're gonna wanna go into specifically times of well because people are not all equipped to deal with that kind of information about somebody. They don't know. Yes. Most especially in a crowded convention center. Right. But anywhere to out on the sidewalk if you see them, or if you spot them on a coffee shop, you don't I don't think you should go into detail. What your is? You also don't know what their triggers are. So even though they are powerful important, and they are creators, they still are people. And if you're talking about I don't even wanna mention anything, I don't want to trigger any of our of our audience, but mentioning something that is significant. Emotionally, traumatic to you can be significantly emotionally traumatic to somebody else. So I hate to say this. But I think that you should gloss over with the details and put your emotions into your adjectives. Instead, Jen, do you wanna do this? Oh, I would love to can you be the creator. Yes. I would've I created all a mess. I'm great maleness. Oh, I know what you're I want you to be a rockstar like I want you to be like, you know, in Scott pilgrim. He's got the axe. Who was like a singer vaguely? It's been awhile since I've seen that. She basically it's pre Larsen and she essentially plays the lead singer of metro sure. So you're very cool. Oh, cool. Like, you're all pretend really cool, and you wrote a song a deeply emotional song that most people assume is about an abusive relationship that you had in the past and getting through it and being like really strong in. I obviously that spoke to me because of my shared experiences. So we have. I've I have an understanding of your background. And I know a lot about you. But you don't know anything about me right scene. Is this good or bad? It's going to go. Well, so here's the thing. I can't see a situation in which the creator is going to be mean to you. Yeah. Except if they are having a really bad day or a dick. Yeah. They could just be a could just be a dick. But they are people, and they are they're at work. So they might be impolite to you. We can get to that for now. Let's just assume neutral to positive okay because and just for the asker like it will almost definitely be neutral positive. It might be a tiny bit awkward. Yeah. But it, but that's fine. It is inherently awkward you're asking like you're talking to someone you haven't met. But anyway, let's hi, hi, it's Hello. I'm trinh. Oh, hi. Thank to meet you. I I know your name, obviously, your gender Andras. But I brought this record few assign. If you could please, oh, I'd be happy to let me get out. My sharpie. Thank you. So much. I just wanted to say since I've got this little opportunity how much music has truly meant to me. And I know that people probably tell this to all the time. I just wanna put my name on that list of people who've told you how amazing you are. Thank you. We have some shared experiences from what I understand about. You know that banger that you put out lady is so awesome. You know, ladies, so awesome. Yeah. I'm familiar with that song. Oh, yeah. You've wrote it. I did right. Yeah. Top forty hit lady so often. But I just want to encourage you to continue letting your personal experience Cheyne because it really spoke to me and got me through some hard times. Wow. Thank you so much for taking the time to say that thank you so much for coming to Chicago. I can't believe you came to see too easy to. Yeah. I love I love Chicago. Yeah. Okay. Almost you record back. It was really nice meeting. You and thank you for saying. So many nice things. Yeah. Cool. See that went. Well. Right. You got you got your point across. I got my point of the nice things were said, I loud myself to be a little overwhelmed and awkward a little she. And till Lutely. That's what they're there for, you know, and it's okay. Like, they again, they have this is almost certainly not the comic creators for signing. No. No. No. No. And yeah, I think that's a good point like they might be overwhelmed too. But I think that is the perfect time to say something nice just do this again with you. Are Jen dangerous. The. The world renowned fiction writer, and it's really long line. Okay. And I'm near the end of the line. Okay. Okay. And if we don't hurry the people behind you might not get a chance. Yes. Some being ushered away gas got it. But also, this means that I've had a lot of time to think about what I want to say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, hi, Jen dangerous. My name is Trent. I would love it. If you would sign this book for me place. Oh, sure. Yeah. It'd be happy to while you take the time to sign I just wanted to tell you. You're work is incredible. And I know you hear it a lot. And I'm sure that these exact words, we owe mimicry someone behind me. But thank you again in can I shake your hand, shake hands. I'm gonna don't be offended, but I'm going to put some pure L on afterwards. It's not you. It's just the convention. Oh one hundred percent. In fact, let me take a little squeeze that. Oh my gosh. We shared pure L. With Jen dangerous. This is the best. Never wash that hand. Oh, you just did get one. I'm sorry to rush you the I wanna make sure everyone gets a chance. But thank you so much for taking the time to say something, so nice. Absolutely. And your line is long because you are great. Oh my God. See like if that also went well that's supposed to go badly. It was supposed to be mean. No because like tied a little rush. Again. Like, I just the the context of a person knowing they're getting into this like, I think if any ask her if you take anything away from this like, the comics creators, not going to be mean. Yeah. I just don't see how not in this not when the setting is designed for this. Yeah. Another thing about the setting that it just occurred to me pay attention to the rules of the signing because they may not have been set up by the creator, some conventions are like you can't bring anything to sign that wasn't bought here. But they'll those rules will be made very clear, and I'm sure you'll be aware of them. They're not necessarily rule secreta even likes, but you should respect them. So I actually 'cause played as rose red from fables at sea to a really long time ago. See Tutu's, just a comics convention here in Chicago and the one of the decree. Fables was at the con. And I actually got in line. I was the last person in the line because I didn't know it was happening. I just you know, and I didn't have anything for him to sign and he was like I have to sign something for you. You look amazing. That's so cool. And I had a sword because she is a sword. And so he signed my sword. You know, that's also and he actually remembered signing my sword. Like I saw on Twitter. I think that if you want to have a positive like unique interaction something like that. Yeah. Absolutely. The signing will go. Well, I really think it will be fine. If you see your favorite crater after show hours or even during convention hours. They happen to be with like their children or they're having a one on one conversation. That's like the people are are close talking to someone don't do the thing where you haunt nearby like ghosts. And like wait for their time. I know it's tempting, but what could happen is a line could form and that could be really bad. It really really awkward supporters needed dash off. I will never forget seeing we'll Wheaton at my first time at gen con. I remember that in haunts. Me how disturbing it was. There was a literal line of people following him. It was like it's like he was a Caterpillar. There was a line of people snaked around the convention just following him. Where everyone the will Wheaton parade fucked up, man. It was very very shamed. Yeah. I mean, we feel so weird even see it. So I mean, I guess the moral of that story is that you are only entitled to the time that you are given in the line. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, honestly, it may be more that you need to write a really good fan letter rather than you want to get this interaction out in a sign. That's true. That's a good. If you have a lot to say, and again, we we still think maybe don't go to personal, but we still lean on the side of being more cautious in withholdings personal details because you don't know what could be triggering to them angry. But yes, a letter an Email might be more procreate. Yeah. And then, you know, and then I I in a big part of that is getting that out of your system. Even now, I'm not saying that it's bad to want to share how somebody has helped your life. I reiterate that time is at a premium energy as is at a premium. And if they wrote something that helped you in times of whoa, then it's probably something sad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or uplifting, but dark grey. Yeah. And remember that even though you feel an incredible kinship with this person. You don't know this person that will right? And that does not mean that does not diminish their work or your connection to it. Maybe even makes it stronger knowing that you have something in common with this person. But remember that they are a person who gets hungry, and moody, and smelly and might be a little bit sick. Everyone gets sick at conventions. So all this to keep in mind. Your hero is still a human. Oh my gosh. That reminds me one time I was in line for Jeff Jack's, I think it's how you say his last name who makes questionable content. Nice and he was rubbing his wrists. Being like oh, gosh. You know? I I want any shows to I want to draw something for everyone. My hands just hurt anyone's like it. And I remember somebody like four people behind me shot I have been gay. And and he's like are you hitting still light full and like he gave him some Ben gate? And like, we all cheered. It was like outstanding. It's awesome. What else I've got some good like cute fan stories like that. I met Michael Phelps a couple of times what a couple of times more than one. So I I was a young teen in the two thousand four Olympics. And I just became obsessed with it. I just loved I loved watching Olympics that year, especially swimming. That was like his first year where he was super super good. So I went to swim meet in the couple of sweets in the years after the Olympics. He was so nice. Like, I remember the story of teen gen being really into Michael Phelps? I don't. So you met him two-time. Yeah. So I met him at a swim me like he's doing his thing. And this one meat when you like did amazing. He lives like he like he he went up to like or his fans are sitting and goes Albie back, you points. I'll be right back. So you'd like go down and whatever. And then he came back, and he did he was signing stuff. And then the second thing that happened was at a difference will meet I was like already met him. It's all good other people should meet him. But I went out to lunch and he just walked in the restaurant. And I was like I can't be here. So I was actually with my dad. It was very cute something my dad, and I bonded over was him. Take my dad would drive me to swim. It's because I couldn't even drive at this point. So I was like oh my God, dad. That's Michael Phelps sitting right there. And my dad was like, no, it's not house. Like yet is I can't believe it's him. So of course, as like Michael Phelps and his crew of hot women and men because they're all swimmers were sitting down we were like getting up to leave. And my dad passed by the tables. I just want you to know my daughter's a huge fan. And he and it was like, nah, he shouldn't interrupt someone at lunch. But it's my dad so like that's gets does mom's gonna pass to embarrass her children and in passing being motor loves you. Yeah. It was on the way out. And he was like, oh my gosh. Thank you so much. It was very cute. That is really sweet I have another. So one time I went to go see cursive at like, it was a college show some college. I didn't go nowhere. And I was getting lunch before the show with all my friends and at the table next to us was Tim casher and cursive, and like their girlfriends or whatever and my partner at the time had a cursive tattoo, they had ugly organ tattooed on themselves. And and we were all like freaking out really quietly. Like, what do we do? They do and this is before cell phones. So we couldn't like sneak picture. Yeah. Yeah. So so my access like putting lure arm by the bet like scratching trying to checks at least. So so so funny, but what we ended up doing because we like we all decided it was like eight of us. And we decided we are not inter you're not going to bother them not gonna bother them. We're going to see them play show in like an hour. But when cursive left the restaurant, we all wave, and we're like, we love you, guess you at the show a bit. And then and then they all like laugh my Chrissy later guys. That's really cute. It's really really cute. The cutest India. Reactions with celebrities happen when you remember that they are people and not just the person who created offering. Right the purse. Yeah. And the best ones also happened quickly. Yes. So I know I just want to back up little bit. I know and we can wrap up here. You know, when I said don't interrupt creators through with family having a private conversation on the other hand. How cool could you make that person look to their friends? Okay. This woman work for a free Larson. But if you ever see me in Chicago, and you don't come up and say, I recognize you I and I'm with a group of friends, you gotta fuck and do it. Remember that one time someone in Chicago diner, recognized you like that is oh my fucking God this up the opportunity to make me look cool in from my friends this sweetest person in the whole world this waitress. I was having just like lunch with a friend. And she's like, I recognized your voice from friendship Ingmar huge fan of the show. Here's a cookie just. I mean, we're talking about that. Yeah. Sad is amazing. And it was such a like a sidebar to. Yes. Like, it was because she was our waitress, and she said it in the beginning would have been like a little weird like it would have been fine. But I think it was better because she's like I realized it as we were talking. Here's a guy. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. Okay. So this is going to do I'm going to tell a story that I have heard, and I believe to be true. I don't have enough time to Google it. And we're gonna leave it in either way even stories so good. So Rodney Dangerfield and Frank Sinatra were like kind of buds Lebanon, like tight podcast. They they were having a show together and Rodney, I think it was opening up Frank Sinatra and Rodney Dangerfield really wanted to impress this girl. So he's like Frankford creek if you can help me out here, I'm gonna go talk to the the blonde lady over there. And when I do was like, you know, just come over and like him say, hi, oh, I don't want her to know. I know you I think it will impress her. And he's like, oh, yeah. No anything for you, buddy. Nobody deal. So Rodney Dangerfield talking to this lady and like Chattanooga, Albert ever and fixed and comes by. And he's like, oh, oh, hey, Rodney. And like, unlike oh, who's your friend and Rodney Dangerfield goes not now Frank I'm having a conversation. Oh my God. And Frank Sinatra just like like like kinda like walks away, and like laughs it off or whatever. But like, isn't that the best thing you've ever heard could? I hope that story stories true. Oh, man. I will Google it after the episode really it. So Jen go to a meeting and also this was episodes over now. We're just talking about celebs though. We're having fun celeb- time. Here's the morals, raise, you probably won't mess this up. Yeah. You'll be good through your best talk to them like a person. And everybody who listens to friendship is very emotionally capable anyway. Whatever your perfect, this has been Frenchman with Jen and trend if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can do friendship. If you want to send us a question. Please. Do we are actually I think we need question. Do we could use some more new ones? Yeah. Yeah. It's the old ones. We have if you send a question, and we haven't answered it. And now we're asking for questions don't be too offended because there are many reasons why we haven't gotten to it one. In might not be something we can do and to just be too fucking long, or it might hurt us, or my what the questions are this happens to close to our lives. Oh, yeah. If there too. Close to our lives. We're just like good luck guys because we don't know either. Fuck if we know. I you to parliament for editing to Lorne Gallagher for designing to Alex Cox for making the studio work to Monica Verma, four being our agent and to Molly Lewis for singing and to all y'all out there for listening. You're welcome for talking.