Christian DelGrosso & Kristen McGowan Aren't Allowed to Golf Anymore
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Are you listening to this episode on himalayas if you are congratulations because you're already using the best new podcast app out there if you're not well you're loser and missing out so get it together. <hes> whether era podcast or a fan himalayas is designed with you in mind and has a ton of cool new features like curated share. We'll play list collections made just for you along with personalized allies recommendations to help with content discovery and the best part is it's super easy to use. It's definitely my favorite listening app and i'm sure it will be yours too so do yourself a favor and download himalayas today and be sure to follow my show worse i once you're there by the the camera is focused on christian wonderful gas. They are christian and which is great christian christon <music>. He's christian. She's kristen. You guys get it. Are we okay. Is everyone okay. This is worse. I which christian did already you told me your worst dating story but worse. I burst has expanded. It's just my dad watching this now. It's crazy in my dad. Subscribers say sell excited to have them watching this basically basically now on the show. We are doing any worse. I like. I worst job. I worst drug. You have all christian too. I i wanna hear so i i drug literally. There's been a there's a job. I worth over or doth. How do you go from that to that. I was expecting to say something house. My that's so fucked up these is i'm reading mental like us. It's insane insane okay so i'm so excited so i don't know which one of you wants to start first sharing your first were pursuant to us share to want to hear one of mine circuito i know i don't know if i've shared this before but i was. I was telling tom yesterday. Qatami did the podcast yesterday and i was telling him about the first time i had sex and it was the worst like i was so paranoid. I was eighteen and and i was so paranoid. This guy was like a rock star like druggy guy. You know whatever clearly my type hasn't changed. A married now by the way yeah so like he hit on me was so sweet. I don't know if i've shared this before anyway i i i ended up going back to his house like after hanging out a couple of times. He told me how beautiful was all the time he was amazing. He was actually so sweet. He was covered in tattoos so hot so go to his house right and it's like it's kind of like you know like a drug den but it's cool. It's like it looks like an opium dan but i'm like oh. Maybe that's his style at school so we're like hanging out <hes> we go to have sex and i'm like oh my god. I'm so scared i was eighteen. I was like can you put two condoms on your under watching it. Are you serious aunt dad to condoms extra safe over here. Can you put you condoms on. I'm just scared. Barrett hit like a big like it was just like scary for me okay because i'd never had sex or two condoms and condoms. Make sure that i'd extradite don't get pregnant right so to put two condoms on. We have sachs super uncomfortable for me. Obviously feels like i'm just sticking like a fucking rubber chicken vagina meals various christ they have the rubber chicken goes further overseas speak just rubber chicken rubber chicken my vagina alan. We're losing our sponsors. They're all about to call up literally pull out. Certainly we're having sex. It's so painful. I'm like okay. I'm like non joy myself. He's not enjoying himself because he's got to condoms actually did that now. This is what the why did do it so we're done having sex and then we go out to the living room or hanging out and he just started shooting heroin stolac literally like there. There's a reason why his plays like opium. Oh my god because he had he had all these tattoos all over him. Oh my god which is crazy because tommy does too and this wasn't tommy tommy. This is another guy and all these issues and you just started shooting up heroin and then i realize in the koi fish tattoos yet i conceal the track marks so it was a heroin addict so then i freak out and i'm like jesus christ doing heroin holy shit but he didn't look like a druggie like he looked like place rocker place was like his his place was like rock star like drapey like kind of like the movie. Would you midst lying in two weeks out. I freaked. I was like on the guy teaching me the hospital. I think i've aids my god so scared i was taking home immediately and then i went to the hospital now that you're on heroin drive me home oh dr driving b._m._w. Almost almost crashing drives me home. I go to the hospital. I'm like i'm pregnant and i think i have aids like literally both every time everything i've aids and i'm pregnant i and my it's going to be an aids baby. I was ready to call eunice. After it was awful it was i was so bad they were like. Oh ma'am you're fine. You're not pregnant and you don't have aids because they used to. It's was freaking out. What do i have. I know right mike that would scare me away forever. We're never waste oy ever have sex again for a really long time ruined. I feel sorry because he never seen anyone don't even would it was crazy and then he was like once on am all know only eighteen with a rubber chicken vaginas. It was really scary you guys so i freaked out it was out of there and yes and then i never heard from him again and i'm really not if i shared that story. I feel like i kind of share. It didn't really give all the details. That was my first time. Having sex that scarring it was so scarring lake the scar ring now for holidays yet but yeah go ahead. Tell me you guys. You're like one time. I was making out with this this girl and like okay. There's the worst i've ever tell me. I don't know if we can help the heroine's story jesus wait so tell me kristen christian getting jealous christian get jealous of what does he get jealous. When you talk about other guys know well. The thing is you just see me. We've been dating for like the only guy really a- you've never been with anyone else kirsch. No that's amazing thank you. That's beautiful tape-recorded. This was the the grand canyon road. I wanna come through a roadblock. They really what was called. Worse i literally. I should get my bachelor anyway great. No it's great. It's it worked out because my husband's got a big weiner so so i if it's perfectly plugs it up you know oh my god this podcast i i it's by extends. It's not it's not meant to be dirty. Okay people knock it off. Keep it clean guys free. We're getting clean okay. Sorry go ahead okay so was i. What would you have towards. I guess tell me your first worst experience. It can be anything okay. She's all humanity for. I don't even know if i've ever told you. I think it's funny to all girls. This is like a girl or you. Are you ready. I might have told because it's just like stupid embarrassing okay. I don't know if it's inappropriate okay but the first the verse time i ever used a tampon. Oh my gosh yes. Those are horror stories. Tell me i know it was happening down here. Christian can't relate okay so i had to go talk to a swimming trip the next day so i had to use tampons. It was one of those things someone have to figure this out. I didn't have any help i didn't have to. I didn't talk to anybody about how to do this. You you didn't get the tampon. I this is added to the rick from behind red lobster. Thirty five cents gave her the ball oh down on drug tampa. Oh my news three times the way it was your mom. I got it from my mom right and they were cardboard. Ones uncomfortable. I didn't know anything about different types or anything so i'm like okay. This has tampons all just use that anyways. I don't know what happened but i feel like it was halfway there and then i started sweating everything circling black lacking a pass down hit my head on the wall and i was laying on the floor how horrible on halfway yes okay. I don't know what it happened so i'm sorry this is so weird david carey shit. We ought to do this really hit. The <music> god. I'm never doing that again. It was more humble. It was bad the summer camping walking. What have we got like fucking. She's about eighteen on hanging cooter bloodbath in there but why is houston. She's not dead. Just unconscious woken up yet still in there ah enough for the crimes into invest markers around her body. She doesn't wake all out in trying to flow <hes> so it was traumatizing but i didn't tell anybody years later. 'cause i was so embarrassed. Did you ever learn how to put them in without die. You still find her pass down. That's still happens to a person listen. That is a hilarious story are either for story like was it just me like i panicked. Start sweating blocked out hit the wall and then that what was that were you okay after that i think so. I don't even know how long i was. I was home alone so that's dangerous is the first time do not try alone. I used with like you. Just bring your door neighbor. Hey listen. I'm about to do this set doc. Please help neighbors like we know what though you could've sued the tampon company probably. Can we still do that. It's like pulling everything from back. In time. I put a champion ipad awardee artie p._s._a. Remember ladies tell me that. I made a pastor in the backs a fat. This is the same thing to train prevent my flow do you. That's an early story period. When i was like sixteen at at camp topic that christine k. i was using the tampa onto gordon camp right because they had ham their camp by the way which i got kicked out another story. I'll tell you guys. I ended up tying up my christian camp counselor and pushing him down a hill roy. I was so bad. I wouldn't shut the fuck up during class. Obviously it was just so much worse because it's a christian so he was like you know. We're just trying to get through this scripture. He's like is there anything. I can do to get you to not make any noise and i was like let me tie you up. I will be quiet the risks and he let us let us such a passover passover and make that joke right so the whole group ties him upright and then he's like yeah the the whole class like i got all of them to be evil. I was like the heathen i was like. Come on guys like the devil so i turned all the class and we tied the teacher upright and he's on one of these rolling chairs like we're in right now. Okay now that i'm tied it. Let's talk about scripture and i'm like oh. We're going down taken literally nice. They were literally on this giant hill in a cabin and he's like what are you guys doing. They pushed him out the door and he's like five permanent. Literally seven two years surly rolls down the hill and bumps his head. He's rolling in the chairs hairs mesler screaming. He's tied up. We can't put his kids so i kind of laughing and i'm like that's right. That's right devil's nose still trying to go along with realizing you're crazy. The man get in here. I want to go back to jesus so then i got kicked out obviously pussies. Oh my god season. They're not gonna handle going down to mountain literally this not i remember watching him. Bounce his body on a rolling in over and here. She is now out of pocket you no. He didn't believe but you know. He got hurt but it's okay i you know i don't wanna be there anyways. I got what i wanted. I got to go home so it's a great story. Are you yawning say now mm-hmm. That's rude when you talk too much that your body china india laver. I'm boring christian story guy. Add tell us your worst something. What is it about that but what about which the golf course. Where did you first work. Was it awful. I can't imagine he's working anywhere. It's tilted backup <music>. You're gonna break it break. She's so used to it. She's like chris <music> deep. We'll talk about it later. Sorry about that all right and the popularity and you're all the way back this clock club that and we'll talk about later okay so craigslist grocery store nothing about this the worst of the worst situation okay. It's uh-huh anybody else but him and it really follows the whole yawning thinks oh. I'm not narcolepsy. She thinks i'm narcolepsy falsely asleep balat stay up late member christian when we used to hang out he would literally be we'd all be sitting there and he would just be on the couch and like we'd all be hanging out talking good time we'd look over and he'd be asleep thinks it's normal. He thinks a lot of people don't do that talking into the mike. Let me let people even older. I like you obviously have some kind of problems. We don't sleep so we compensate all night. Yes danes. I take a nap. Where can if someone's like story about jesus. Thank you can stories. It's always it's always like the slowest stores up like where i'm just like. Oh my god. I love the stories over here yawning anyway. Let's your your voice over yon- once they just like. We need to put more assuming uniform. Put this thing okay worst story. I want to hear it. You're delaying yeah one of the worst stories yes. I have many give give best one. I think the funniest one was. I worked at a golf course oh my god so many people i knocked out with golfing. I was okay so i wanted to work behind the counter. That's why applied just they had the most laid back job and they got paid like fifteen bucks an hour to stand behind the counter clock people when they came in. I used to change the garbage is in the bathrooms and i think it was like two or three times a week. You know the driving range of course drove the picker that would pick up the bugs inch. Oh my god we had a huge driving range so that would take like an hour and a half to do it. Sufficient amount trusted you with that they didn't they didn't know me back then but now they no yeah never let them in here again and i'd like to fall asleep. The motion boats anything he'll be like this is like one of my first jobs. It's not like do you say i addition this lovely but i probably would like so monotone about it a <music> this young guy to be your awful wedded. Why what is it what is anywhere awful. What is lawful lawful. I can't christian. He has already married anyway. It's awesome. Whoever so i'm working this golf course right and i was like i was doing anything to stay awake in that. I would like to be smoking cigarettes just trying to stay away. 'cause i couldn't the red bull cigarettes. I'd still be passing on my god. Imagine like this. There's the front where everyone's driving the balls and hitting exactly and every time i would pull out nothing ever kill the trying to hit me with the gumbo sir yeah. That's the thing you didn't know that everyone tries to hit the pick but it's because their cage so they wanna hit it one one time actually at abundant. It's snuck through the side. My friend who's driving into hit him in the ribs and he didn't see him. The cardiac killed his guy all my guy fucking some driving this car right. They teach me on easy. I'm driving it and imagine people driving the balls. Go that way you have to you. You have to come in and out like this towards the people and then away okay. Thanks for the visual yeah. I would be going towards him so one time like when i not often i fall asleep. I'm usually still like me a lot like if someone tells me make a left visit girl. Let sure i make it perfectly too so like i'm like nodding off and like i know i'm kinda tired. I'm still driving. I it's summer. It's hot summer sweating passing out in the cage in the spark engaged gates and i'm driving towards the people he's gonna stop bill know him. I don't know if he doesn't look like he's awake in the body and they're just passed out. Just come in full force at you trying to drive golf balls so like there's literally a little hill that comes up to where the people are driving and i was passed out by the time i got to that and i pulled up and was coming over his hill passed out and and i remember waking up to the scream of people so i woke up and i noticed that like i was all the driving age and people were running out of the way you and i was like i was like send the next stop the car and they're like the fuck you doing and i was sorry i am off. I had to come up to get the balls up here acquired in the same day in multiple days after the driving me just tell you like how far you're hitting with the sign. I cost that range so much money me because i used to run over the size sleep driving the car right. Let's give the narcolepsy. They do not operate when fucking dizzy tired right heavy machinery what does your the only rule that they have is if you're not gonna krishan never test driving straight for like five minutes time it must be like britney could do bernie could stay awake listening to like my head to sleep to he's. He's not listening to anyway sleeping part omega so yeah so the signs are used to destroy. I would wake up to me. Running over science teacher got going like commun- then all of a sudden just look back and it would be bent and upside down and the and the guy who would run the range. I'd turn around into this out the front door like what the book okay. This is where i got fired for. Almost killing people the trash can yeah somehow made excuses for it so they didn't take it seriously. The reason was i was a week doing so so like we said this one this one golf cart that was really fast that only we could drive the people that work there so like like like like forty fifty kilometers whereas now which is fast for governor out it's literally and like our golf courses like in the middle of the field so i used to take you off road. Sometimes when i go to clean the bathrooms out in the middle of the field oh i would go off road and i didn't realize it at the time but they they had cameras around the course that like always keep an eye on each hole right right so i took it off road and i found like these moguls and i literally went full speed like overalls moguls and then hit this jump that put me back onto like whole like twelve so came also it was like having a blast ahead god they're off aw pull back into like the the gulf the the the pro shop and my manager comes literally like the second i pull and he walks out and he's just like i speak do inside for your second in christian boy and i go inside and he calls me upstairs and he's taking your head. Oh my god this is from the time. I was killed. People wheel this machine all the time from off roading with golf cart. He goes like this. He brings me in his office and has a bunch of screens on the wall and he takes a remote and he goes like this. He said it's going through and stops cold. Whatever it was twelve and then he reminds it and pushes play and he's sitting there with me and you're just see this in ars stops it and he's like is this kind of behavior you think is fit for for work ethic the golf course and i was like i know what to say through through the outskirts of the golf course aw i got caught going down the i five couldn't get my foot off the gas zinc the shittiest. Excuse all i didn't know what to say. It's just like my it won't happen again. He's like you're right. It won't happen again because you're packing you stuff and you're leaving the fire. Where does like what did you do. Oh look at you now. An actor musician weinstocks vine star your wife if is a and beautiful. You're killing body. Oh boy man. Will you guys all know about me. Everyone's like am. She had plastic surgery. I never had plastic surgery just f._y._i. I i've gotten injections. I've gotten fillers lawyers and botox and all kinds of stuff. It's changed my face which i love so grateful for my face used to be shaped like a jalapeno and now it's more normal looking so <hes> whatever makes makes me feel better. My self esteem is better so <hes> you know what judge me if you want to but it's all good <hes> people like getting stuff done as far as i know and people are scared and always have questions and girls are like how do i know <hes> what person to go doing. How do i know what procedure i want. You know i'm scared to get botox like what happens. What does it feel like all these questions and you know you can you can join in online forums and astra girlfriends or whatever but it's nice to have professionals to talk to you so there's this new company called spotlight s. p. o. t. l. y. T. spotlight dot com where basically it's like all of the beauty skincare whatever situations nations that you have questions about answered they are these people that work for the website that specialize in all of these things from you know fillers facials cels and everything in between cosmetic injectables all kinds of things fat freezing and they are there to answer your questions help you provide help w find a provider in your area and you know get going so i if you wanna do it or if you don't want to obviously there's no requirement that you have to get the procedure done but you can easily chat with these aesthetics specialists so if you ever have any questions about an ascetic treatment or you're looking for one in your area you know spotlight dot com s. p. o. t. l. y. T. e. dot com. You just go there. Slash worst from the podcast spotlight dot com slash worst and you can chat with all these aesthetic specialists. 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Dot com slash worst you get fifty percent off of your daughter and and it comes in a refillable pot and it smells is really good and you're a small really good and it's good for your body and you're not gonna hurt the environment okay. It's a win win. I'm outta here. Do you like going on picnics. No no one likes going on picnics next. I mean maybe you do. Maybe you're listening to this in wyoming on a picnic right. Now i don't know anyway. It's really hard to take a cold beverage and have it remained. Cold the place that you're going. It's difficult. You know you have to put ice in it or you got a freeze it before you go somewhere i mean i get i get a bottle of water out of my fridge and it's a plastic bottle and by the time am i get to where i'm going. The bottles usually warm and that's disappointing and so i was looking for alternatives you know not only to lessen my carbon footprint on this earth but to <hes> you know try try to find something that would keep my drink. More keen drink warm. Keep my drink cold and i found this company called broom actually saw them. I advertised on facebook. They have these he's like really cool. Different colors and styles like there are these there these tumblers and mugs and <hes> you know they come in all different shapes and sizes czyz pint-size for for coding beer. I mean you could put water soda. Whatever you want in it. They have these amazing retractable top so they're spill proof their shatterproof and they're insulated so that they keep your drink nice and fricken cold exactly how you want it like your heart <hes> so so i discover them it because i was i attracted by the way they look. They're super sleepwalking. I mean i personally ordered to in the carreira marble style. They look like they're made out of marble because you know guys. I've got to keep a fancy over here <hes> and also assoc getting tired of you know throwing so much plastic. I mean these these companies with these water. Bottles are spending four ninety nine for twenty four cases of water. God knows how many times a month depending on how bigger families and it's kind of a waste so <hes> this roommate company is offering you guys fifteen percent off of your order. Should you decide you know what i'm going to just just use filtered water. Put some ice cubes in the thing and <hes> you know help the planet out because god knows we need it. I mean come on global. Warming is a real thing and it's happening so if you wanna to carry around a stylish looking drink cup and help the environment win win situation head over to brew mate dot com. That's b. r. u. M. a._t. Dot com and enter the promo code worst w. o. r. s. t. for fifteen per cent off for you and your our family i mean they make everything they have even like rainbow sparkly flasks with like glitter tops and then they have like sleek matte black designs for the guys who are or just to cool. I mean they have everything for everyone in your family so there's really no excuse and if you think about all the money that you're going to be spending on what cases of water bottles year after year you might as well by something that's reusable. You can wash it in your dishwasher. It keeps your drinks extra cool and it's spill proof shatterproof even better than a plastic water bottle come on and it looks way cooler not to mention that because we're all about looking cool so if this seems like something for you head over to roommate dot com b. r. u. M. a. t. dot com and enter through the promo. Code worst w. o. R. s. t. at checkout to have the cool streak of your life. Don't you hate the starship. Though can we talk about it yeah. I don't i don't hate it. I mean it's kind of like x. Anything mickey mouse club like that's what i look at it and he's like mickey mouse for like derelict's guys you. The history like this is history like i think they're going to write about it one day. Maybe really yeah what about talk already starting to find you have to understand how big and how much of a footprint it left on social media. There's nothing like yeah like even youtube at the time like more people were talking more about binding. It's it's like stars like what i'm going to get out of like being that's cool grades here last one of the xbox stars yeah yeah you guys all used to you know it's so funny. When timing i got married it was like tommy lee mary's mary's bein star. I'm like i did stand off for years movies t._v. Nope okay then. I see how many marriage binstock it has the biggest footprint. I guess that's the way i look. I never i never booked like the huge shit so that's why that's why you're in movies. You did <hes> we are your friends right so cool. Your cares about that other dogs mouth in my mouth lincoln next to daniel day-lewis jobs out. I was in a lot of stuff pride. Prejudice movies philadelphia with tom hanks good no big deal. Just forget about concert now. It's all good. It's fine. I'm totally fine with it like i'm cool with. How do you feel. It's kind of crazy because it's like it's weird now like i didn't you kind of notice that like if we don't post oh stuff that's funny. People don't like it. Do you get that or now. You have to live in <hes> constantly be funny which or or or people are like. What is is this like. I can't take like people were having posts like a pretty photo or something. You know like like funny yeah they're like. What is this shit like. We don't wanna see you you wearing outfits and we want to see memes or like videos. You know like it's replacing him for a long time. I noticed that you kind of weaned off. The means a little bit. I've you're posting means like pretty pretty problem with having fun making them and then. I was just kind of like you know but i'm like i'm always changing. You know what i mean. All i wanna do like this was fashion or like. You know what i'm talking about things desiigner. I'm talking about like you know comedy videos. I'm doing this. Do not like you can only do you want to hear about the rest of open like audience because that's one thing i noticed i noticed that like and this is just about connection anyway. It's just like the i noticed the more that i had like real like real conversations about real things that was going on with me. Yeah people would start to be like oh. I didn't realize that you had this stuff going on. I didn't realize that you enjoy doing stuff like then. When you come out of the blue people were like what the fuck are you doing. You should change it but if you kinda i did like i would talk about you know and make a lot of jokes about my anxiety because obviously like i you. Are you guys now. I've like really bad and like we yeah we have like around. We make jokes because we you suffer so doc plays toes. It's like our little escape but yeah. I've talked about it. A lot and i think a lot of people you know i i know a lot of people resonated with jesse. The american meam course i loved it in there and like stuff like that and so people were like all like i relate to it and i get it and that was really nice but then like after that came out a lot of the people also were like you know. You're secretly depressed like you're not really finding. It was like a weird like people people were like two sided ended about some people were like oh. I think it's really great that you like spoke out about your problems and then other people were like oh so all your funniness is just a front and blah blah blah blah blah. It's weird yeah. No it doesn't have to mean that you live in a comedy life like it doesn't mean the refund all the time i think would the miscommunication was as you were saying how we use humor as a way to cope with the stuff but <hes> us creating stuff. That's comedic doesn't mean that that's what we're using the humor humor. The humor is more so like with an us yes yes. That's still missing me here. Because you can talk about stuff. You can make it more clear yeah exactly yeah. No i try to i try to like i tried to talk about it and also like i love you know seeing people and just like catching up and in getting to like being happy. This is what makes me happy like hang out with my friends and laugh yeah like that's the best medicine that's like better than anything even more so connecting with people because i noticed like some people you'll sit down with and it's like yeah you have a good laugh but then you notice that they're nowhere near connecting with you. I feel like we could always have a real aside. Aside from us always messing around with allow yeah yeah. I'm really talking about stuff because we do have a really dark side. We really excited yeah yeah. I think it's great because he's put stuff out there being honest about his anxiety. You put stuff out. There and i think i listened to it more. When it's coming from somebody nobody where it's kind of shocking because expected out of you guys and even when you meet you know people meet christian and then they're like. I didn't know he was like so serious yeah. My grandma was like like she wants. She didn't know him as well. It was like watching shows about this coming back. Got awesome drugs for work. I'm working. He was so polite and calm. All it's really asshole. Yes as you were living off those videos. I guess like recognize me in public. They kinda <hes> <hes>. What's it called they take a double. Take sometimes because com the it's me you put you on aww that's so crazy you don't do you suffer from that stuff too or not really as much. I don't <hes> she doesn't know why you're so lucky. Well a healthy family like your parents and stuff. I would say i was the youngest and dealt with everybody else. So then i was just like be fine. Help everybody that kind of thing okay so my mom sometimes calls me when i tell her you know what's going on. She's like but are you okay. I'm like mom. I'm always find like i've never gone up down in good hands. I noticed this with a lot of people like me and you can probably relate more because we've gone through like really dark dark times j._r. Torch shifts your perspective about and that's why we have anxieties because perspective is pretty clear like she's been taking taking care of like also like with me. I make sure that i take care of and a lot of people don't have from a lot like like you and you've probably been to the exact same thing is like being screwed over auburn than caring about people and then realizing that they are shady out to get you ask like our guards. Are everything yeah. You have to be so careful. That's why i literally like i mean i moved albus obviously and so. I don't see people out but i kinda just like an scared and like hold up you like it. I mean tommy and i spent like literally literally ninety percent of our time just in the house with each other yeah which is fun yeah. It's great you know but then i was like oh i should hang out with friends like sometimes you know. Then gets gets really small part yeah because i came out here and he was telling me all like the scary stories of like you don't trust these people this thought so then for me coming here hearing all that i feel like i've just never ever let anybody close to me kind of thing. It's and it's worked out fine for the difference between us as we didn't have that. We didn't have that going into business. We didn't have taleh touring a little bit. It's the worst thing is i've had people that have been so nice to my face and then i've gone into meetings and have them have people like in meetings for jobs be like oh that a person was in here in like said they they don't like you or they don't understand why you're popular and that kind of thing and i'm like whoa i would never do that. In person she saw i hate the people think that you're in competition with somebody else because everybody like offers their own kind of thing. Can you can't beat somebody else. You guys offer different things so to someone for someone to shut you down leah. We're all desperate crazy. It's kind of crazy but people are so competitive. I know this business like they are. I don't wanna be in either. I don't like and then like people try to get my head logo. You don't get as many likes as so and so or you like to work on this or that and i'm like i don't care. I don't pose the likes post because it's fine. Thank you know whatever it's kind of crazy but i think we're moving further and further away from <hes> and i wrote about this too. I think we're moving away from art meaning. You're an artist and then when i look at you i know you're not. It's like with everything that you're going to do because you're going to still be very successful and i know that but like we have tax but the door has become less and less about that because it's all now social media just become like a popularity clarity chase. It's serious about creating things that like or connection and i stopped posting like pictures and stuff like that on my page when people come to my page i want them to like get to be able to laugh not ever watched something. That's going to mess with their mind or make something holy crap locale. Popular is our look what he has look. I want them to be oh this relate to me. 'cause that's me when i create comedy. You create comedy. That's us. We're a piece of us coming out into social media and people can laugh and that's why they laugh because they can relate a two and why can they relate to it because it's us to make people laugh as much as possible because i just feel like there's nothing better than laughing. There's literally nothing better. That's why i say okay for nine years. I've been with him like i'm always like he keeps you laugh so funny like it's always fun and like the fact that i literally woke up one morning. I was like we literally laugh every day. They like that makes me happy. So how blessed we are yeah. You have a partner who like you can hang out with and like make a career out like you guys made a career out of what you do oh and like laugh and have fun together and that's your job like how cool is that. It's so grateful that i wake up show blast literally very sweating now lydia a._m. To count like your was. It sounds like meetings to try to describe yourself something to look at psychiatrists said. If i'm having a panic attack she said look at something in the room and describe it to yourself so i would just like a psycho everywhere. I went when i wasn't on medicine. Ah blanket on the world has moved on it and there she stitched looks like your mind. Can you remember this being the piece. I think she's rehearsing talk that he looks nervous sweating. Have you talking to myself think he's like in your head to talk out loud as i was like i was trying trying to get rid of the panic. Would it didn't work yeah. I think there's something wrong with my <hes>. I was just telling tommy this the other day. I wanna get off. I've taken antidepressants eventually want to get off. It'd been on it since i was like sixteen but every time i've tried to get off of it i have like a mental breakdown which is awful. I basically just start having so many panic attacks so they can't get out of bed like and people think panic attack attack is just someone being like nervous where i literally like came on one breed. I think i'm having a heart attack. I feel my heart like squeezing wheezing. Get pain in my chest. I start sweating like it's literally agenda of licko withdrawal thing to also like well. Here's the thing i actually weaned myself off of like under a physician's care. I weaned myself down and then at the end of you know i'm honest. Drug called effects are the were struck on the planet. Well not guinness sponsorship. I the <hes> so basically the drug they say is more addictive than heroin. She's like really bad. Add like one of my girlfriends is actually gonna going to get antidepressant because she's been struggling and they were like we will never put that anyone on that drug. Get it was years ago so it was like the best thing they the hat at the time and i tried everything else i tried wellbutrin and zoloft and paxil a sarah quill lex the pills forever tried every single one every single one and then finally they were like we're going to try affects her for frio and they put me on a really high dose of it and it basically like maybe your body gets addicted to it like right away. So you forget a dose for a day. You like start. Your brain like starts like it feels like your brains constricting and you can't see cedar got operated vision and like you know it's it's it's horrible. There's literally if you google that affects her withdraw. Look similar tears literally like post like a blog dedicated to how evil the strongest like in your body so addicted to it which is scary crazy because i feel like many point now where i don't need it but it's done so much chemical interference to my brain that i when i don't have it it just automatically. The panic attacks coming. You know i was when i finally did get off it. I was taking benadryl like i would take benadryl like ten benadryl a day so i wouldn't have panic attack. Why would benadryl isn't that this calming obvious to me. Whatever keep me from having heart like wow you know it was it was really bad and i like and then i just was like you know what i couldn't go to auditions. I couldn't go to meeting yeah. That's debilitating to call you about it. We yeah <hes> patient in my apartment. I hope you're doing what did you do did you. How did you get through it because could you seem like good right now. I'm still seward's. Battle have not a panic attack in probably two years. That's like full. It looks like i'll get them here and they're talking about full blown panic attack i had i was at both steakhouse and and i got carried out on a stretcher from bos- they custody the heart attack right everything. I thought having everything i shutdown seizure. You wonder if it's like a seizure asia type. It should to degree similar. Shake my heart. It was racing is exciting tunnel vision. I was like i can't see things. Look over my brother and mike please call nine one right now because i'm dying like trying to call nine one one vast by member like being outside and they put me on the stretcher and went back when they say it's just a panic attack. You're like you can't be right. The scary thing is they didn't tell me that until i got to the hospital so like they checked on my vitals whatever they were trying to take my check my blood pressure but i was shaking so much that they couldn't get like a proper blood pressure reading so they got to the hospital. I got rushed in and they made me do a series of like brain. Tumor cancer type tests immediately went into testing so like i was i i was like panic attack having other panic attack within that panic attack from all the testing i it just that was one of the most traumatized and triggered the anxiety heidi right thinking once that happens scares large-calibre focused. I'm starting to realize like dog. You start to realize your triggers to you traveling abroad anytime tommy and i go anywhere far away i automatically can. I get sick before we go. Wow like i my body is the reaction like if we have to go to another country or go on vacation. It should be fun right. Shia look forward to note. My body's just like you're going to feel awful like it. Just shuts down because it's like my biggest fear is i'm going to be somewhere where i can't get saved like. I'm going to be somehow record to like. There's no hospital nearby like faulk like always sit. Sit and kristen can attest always have to sit like if brought a restaurant or anywhere up to sit back facing everything they need to know like where am i saw aw back turned. It's scary you guys. It's really scary notes. Did you take anything for an hour now. If you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to know. I don't take anything for for now but do you ask like what i've been doing. I think it's just about like balance in your life and say how much i admire you for not succumbing to taking any any kind of drugs. He never been go another scary point for me. That's another anxious point for me was taking a drug that i literally couldn't live my life like oh really to. I went to view anxiety about drugs do right. That's part of the anxiety getting taking taking it too. That's why i take like i'm on antidepressants antidepressant. I weaned myself down to the very lowest dose of it but i do get scared. 'cause my my doctor's like you have a valium prescription. You need to use it valium. We'll get like old old like it'll get expired because i'm so scared to take it because it's also an addictive drug but i'll be skydiving a panic attack like freaking out seizing up and he'll uh i'll call him and you know i need help and go. You're having a panic attack. You need to take the valium. That's what it's for like. It's kinda crazy. It's good that you've of managed to do it without. I'm very like admire that i noticed like you have to come down to the root of the problem too ultimately because for me that was it was always looking at like what's that's. Why am i feeling this way and had to break everything down because i wasn't willing to accept that the people that i was around. Were like not the best people that i should be around the pressures around about being around those people style lifestyle all these things i was just like i need to get out of this because it's only gonna lead to really negative things because of the situation that i noticed is that the more pulled away from things did away from well. I think the thing too is also like acting and auditioning. It's a lot of anxiety and that was like the the peak of it. You're going out like two times a day sometimes do it was hectic adopt addition. You're just trying to be more selective now. Disputes like because it takes takes a lot out of you know and it's it's almost like i think a lot of us creators do that because like it's like i get showings -iety rhythm before auditions like the whole night before i'm fucked over them like i can't sleep mike tossing and turning thing about my lines like what what's going to happen whatever panic attack excuse me in the audition like you i do. I do that thing too but once they get the job okay like once a month. Mike okay tickets. Auditioning was really like self tapes and i'm like i don't know how you you guys. Do this like. This is not something i would want to do but i all priests you guys for doing doing obviously. It's more fun once. You're working. I see what you have to go through to get to that point. So it's a lot of work. It is and you know tommy all helped me with lines and it'd be like ten pages and who like to memorize all this this. He's like what if you don't get it then. I don't get it and he's like what we used to time. I would never do this. Shit this shit this shit shitting. You might not get it. What a what a waste of time. I love him. He's so funny anyway. I wanna heino. Where can we follow. You guys. Tell saul at christian the h._r. I s. t. I a. n. Just like christian gallon is going at christian mcgowan yeah and you'll see on his page bill it out because butch christian mcgowan f. t. seven. It's so funny like a whole relationship by the <music>. Okay we're trying to rise subscribe to worse i. I'm amanda cerny and i'm summer rae and we want you to listen to our new ooh podcast. Oh honey this is where our lovesick listeners right in their diary entries and we give our best advice. Oh hunting covers anything from catching your crushes attention to live in your best single. I and we have some very special guests that you don't wanna miss so make sure you download url honey podcasts on <music> apple podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Oh honey oh honey. Oh honey honey toil on what celebrities are doing. This is what you wanna hear something that represents glam everything was too much pressure is too high and that's kind of where the song came out how artists maintain relationships while on the relatives friends cannot come with you and they come in after a weekend i yeah i don't know how you do this ayla celebrity how'd you stay mentally healthy focused on just like trying and to take some time off in the future. What goes on in the real lives of celebrities. This is the real behind the scenes. Look at the fans aren't komo celebrities whatsoever behind the thing paulie wire. Holly wire is bringing kneel behind taking the face to face.