Amy Winehouse: Rehab, the Muse and a Rare Talent
Hey, it's that you're listening to disgrace land. You also knew that. So I know that you have discerning case in podcasts. And I want to recommend another one. It's a music documentary show from the great KCRW called loss notes in its second season music, journalist, Jessica hopper unearth. Some of the greatest music stories never told fans can learn about the pioneers, Suzanne shiong the woman behind David boies favorite rock band. Fanny and how powers two thousand six album league greatest may have saved one fans. Crazy fine loss notes. Wherever you listen to podcasts. Wanted to give you a quick heads up. The disgrace San live at Sinclair Cambridge mass on may tenth about sell out last. I checked there were less than fifty tickets lifts. So if you planning on attending, I sincerely hope you are head over to disgrace them pod dot com slash tour. Buyer tickets today disgrace him lives coming to Denver may twenty fifth to the gothic theatre. Tickets are moving in our vailable for purchase at disgrace land, pod dot com slash tour. Disgrace them will also be in San Francisco, June twenty-first, twenty thirty at comedy central's cluster fest appearing along with Amy Poehler, John Mullany roots my favorite murder, Courtney Burnett. Dan, band, girl, talk, Colin Jost, and many many others? This lineup is insane in the festival's can be a blast. So if you haven't already head over to disgrace land, pod dot com slash toward grab your tickets. And I'll see out there rock'n'roll. Scrapes land is a production of I heart radio, double Elvis media. Stories about Amy winus. She drinker wheat and alcohol. Brazenly hit on Prince Harry tied herself off to mainline more heroin than nineteen seventy six Keith Richards in tight herself to a boy named Blake who is the baddest of bad influences. Amy was also at times inspired most always musically speaking, at least inspiring in Amy wino- made great music that music. You heard at the top of the show that wasn't great music. That was a preset loop from my mellow. John called mellow Tango flash flash flash. Vk one I've played you that loop because I can't afford the license for sexy back by Justin Timberlake. And why would I play that specific slice of rapture inspired cheese? Could I afford it? Because that was the number one song in America on October twenty seven two thousand six and that was the day the Amy wino- us released back to. Black her smash second album and album that would skyrocket. Her superstardom. Make your an easy Merck for both the 'paparazzi and her demons a suffocating reality. That would kill the very thing inside of her the pushed to make music in the first place on this episode, a mellow ting electro cheese, a fleeting muse and Amy winus. I'm Jay Brennan. This screen. Eyes were open as she walked down the sidewalk, Jason Kim, Gordon square. But they were far away distant they may as well have been closed AB wine. I saw none of the chaos around her as she made her way down the London street from Holly arms, her local to her flat around the way, the cameras there flash the intrusive. Shouts for members of the 'paparazzi in their commands. Do this don't do that house reg when was last time he saw Blake. When are we getting new music to Amy it was white noise as disruptive as it was she could no longer. Register. She walked down the street and affect her thousand euros junkie stare. It wasn't difficult. She done her time the shooting gallery, even shoes off smack in even as she was drunk. She knew how to project the gays Amy would trigger self in thinking about something else music. Always she watch her voice as sound of it. Was a physical thing that could be tracked visually. Amy would a melody sometimes one of her own something she was working these days. It was usually a classic from the torch song from one of the jazz greats. She admired and studied Sarah von Tony Bennett. Amey would imagine that melody passing over her lips and rising up into the sky loading freely. Limitations cruel world, it would move with ease around the clouds from left to right linking and sliding imagine. Bars of some cosmic scale, a sonic manifestation of emotion. Welling up inside a heavily mascara vision board one of those transparent acetate sheets music school. Teachers place on old new foil projectors layered over the reality of the unwanted fame than complicated. Her world the same world, she tottered through alternately out of forage heels and bloody ballerina shoes. Simpler times school was out. Reality is in and it was a mind fuck of the highest order celebrity was a twenty four seven invasion. It scared away the muse before success. The muse was like desperate bar back last call just they're eager in easy. But after success, the muse became allusive every so often Amy would corner of amusing when she did she'd rapper tattooed fingers around his throat push his chin up in a way that gave her access to the part of the neck below the crux of the job just under the ear. She'd press her lips to his tight skin, and like vampire litter hot breath, penetrate, the moment, she could feel the muse giving into her sliding one hand to the small of her back palm her head with the other pressing the tips of his fingers to massage your scalp, gently while she moved her lips and tongue about his neck when the sweat started. She knew he was hers her heart would swell. She could feel ourselves smile. Aisling laughing swooning inside feeling that old feeling inspired. Celebrate Tori in need of a drink. She turned to the bar for quick pull on her pipe and then back to the muse he'd be gone. In his place. The lead of thousand Suns flashing popping interface lining, pushing your blood devotional ratcheting up or Zayed's backing into a corner leaving little room to think to create feel to love. So citing your songs across the sky was tactic defense mechanism away to block out the paparazzi in a way to stay rooted in creativity. Sometimes it worked most times it didn't today was working. So Amy was happy arise smile turning up. The ends of her lips as she walked on by. And the Camden summer air cooled or skin and the bustle of early evening was kicking in time for Amy that had home from the pub nighttime was not the right time. Not for Amy too much temptation to slippery slope wasn't always this way. Though. Amy wine was used to own Camden, nightlife and her own couldn't care less kind of way. Candid, nightlife itself was a different thing. Then as well. It was the epicenter of cool. The north west London neighborhood with its markets record stores and bookshops was home to a bar called the and the hosted a party on Monday nights called trash Earl Alkan visionary DJ host to lodge trash revolutionize the UK nightclub scene with John defying music, he spun and the performers he booked trash propelled, British club culture beyond tired Britpop. And it's where those two star crossed lovers electric. Tar in the big beat the slutty electron electric big finally said fuck it jumped in the sack together club's demise is too close in the rear view. But in years to come music nerds who write about this sort of thing? We'll come to recognize the trash was influential as not as it CBGB's velvet rope line studio fifty four in the early two thousands electric music was no longer lane. More precisely its offshoot electro clash was the height of cool. If you're one of those people who drum machines pre. Programmed retrigger drums, had quote, unquote, no soul. You're either old out of touch. If you were lucky enough to make it past the fashion police door to trash on the Monday night. What you found riding on the dance floor to the angular guitars and filthy beats the raptures house of jealous lovers LCD sound systems, losing my hedge was a sound of the new millennium in urging sexier rock and roll the embodiment soul. A gym dance course stone sauced sweaty sexy. Twentysomethings some of were about to write future pot. Trash was basically over hersal space liberties scruffy, London. Indie band that find rock and roll for large swath of British acts like the strokes kings of Leon white stripes, peaches and star making DJ on the make Mark Ronson all hung out at trash all artists whose influence is felt widely. Today's pop music as I write this the morning after the sixty first annual Grammy awards, Mark Ronson and Anthony Ross Mondo the touring Ivars to replace thirty liberties are busy sleeping off the high winning the Grammy award for best song for lady Gaga shallow. How's that for influence? Also in the crowded trash on the regular, Amy wine house. She could be seeing crushed up against the stage of early libertine performances at trash and trashes promiscuous air genre. Bending music programming can be heard on her Mark Ronson co-produce second album. And of course, trash is where she met Blake Blake fielder. There. Love was instant hot impassioned. And like most of what would come to define their future relationship illicit, Amy and Blake we're both seeing the people, but significant others could not significantly tamp down lust for one another. It was all consuming and for Amy inspiring. Blake was amused. The love he brought to the party was compelling the drugs brought to the party where another story entirely coke speed pills heroin and crack were all in play and they played against Amy's inspiration. Her demons always just touch below the surface where easily called into. Action to speed her descent into the grimy addictive underground that a new boyfriend traffic Blake fielder mover shaker drama, maker, roving gambler with the rambling tongue in the faraway is thief junkie the future, Mr. Amy line house. Who Tang clan? Shangri LA is salt and pepper. Donny Hathaway all ended up on the mix. The mix playing on repeat and Amy wine houses head these artists and more singed, Amy wine house, their musical influence on her was both obvious and subtle depending on who you were talking about. But the one trade they all shared the Amy picked up on. And never put down was their command voice say what you will about Wu Tang, the Shangri LA salt and pepper and Donny Hathaway who when they were doing their thing each ascended to the head of their respective packs, and it was because of the command their music specifically over their voices. Everyone was a top notch vocalist shirt a jazz singer as her hero. Tony Bennett said of her she saying the right way. He was right hearing that quote, it's easy to think that he's talking about her technique when we talk about vocal technique physicality God giving gifts figure heavy into the equation. But the other component emotion is just as important, but perhaps more crucial singer chooses to do with that Russian like an actor singers, make choices in no pop singer in modern history shows more wisely than Amy why? Now, she transported herself in order to connect the lyric. She say whether they were standards sung previously by jazz. Motown giants or whether they were written by her if they were written by her you can bet they were drawn from a place of deep experience, usually pay. She would thoroughly searched for an emotion before committing voice to song. And the result was a stunning command of our. Our instrument her voice as strong as Jimi. Hendrix commanders guitar Keith moon's over his kit or pick your conic analogy. Anyone else could matching but to make a great record takes more than just that command power technique. It takes something even more special. It takes a song. A hit song with lyrics that is hard wired for the singers heart where the singer is such a reliable narrator in the lyric despite its simplicity is compelling because of its authenticity. When lyric has that combination, simplicity authenticity, emotion point of view? It has the power to stop the world from spinning and make listeners say to themselves. And then sprint to the internet or record stores. Wherever people get their music to listen to it over and over and over again. And that's what Amy wine houses breakout. Single did with lyric. They try to make me go to rehab, and I said, no, no, no. Of course, you did look at you big Ronnie spector beehive black mascara for days tattoos skinny like a coke spoon teeth fucked up, and that's sexy English way. And no kidding. You said, no, no, no, you hearts to break bars diplo's charts to top and more and more songs to write for us about that son of a bitch who mess you up. What's his name that dude with the role of Fred Perry? Sleaze constantly looks either hung over wasted your muse. You say Blake. Amy wino- hit and her new husband Blake fielder was very much along for the ride though. The ride began over on road in the beginning Amien Blake had significant others. And when they seem to have finally committed to each other Blake Bill and went back to his girlfriend, Amy was heartbroken. But she was also inspired. She opened in a motion vein and porter heart out to Lear and undertake I wonder Blake inspired batch of songs is finally released Amy's first single rehab shot up the charts and both the UK and the states launching your second album. The Mark Ronson co produced back to black up charts. Amy took America by storm. I with the star turning performance on the late show at the Letterman where she in her. Excellent far backing band Brooklyn's dab kings announced her arrival Hari from their radio, or what was left of time two thousand seven along with the internet got fully behind the scene. And with Amy's arresting punk rock, by way of girl group. Good looks and quick wit the press and the tabloids were immediately treat, suddenly, Amy wine. House was everywhere before was all said and done back to black win five Grammy awards and become the second biggest selling album of all time of the UK and go on to sell a combined twelve million copies worldwide. But was success comes stress superstar stress. Amy wine house now responsibilities? An all she wanted to do is get back to life in Camden, lake drink get high which was Blake until was now preferred way of passing time right me songs, but she faced extensive touring performing Sahib. She'd already got tired of performing the reluctant popstar was thrust into the music industry getting sheen tasked wing audience through TV, appearances, interviews and photo shoots. Worst of all what came with all that was increase of interest from the tabloid press in the burgeoning ages social media, she was under more scrutiny than ever and stressed the fuck out about it. Amy was sometimes insecure about her looks her weight and even her talent. And when she felt insecure she got struck after fleeing a photo shoot in tears because she didn't she said feel pretty she managed to find some courage after a fortifying bottler three of champagne drinking through a workdays was the way she coped eating was something. Other people did her body suffered. She no longer filled out her form-fitting pinup girl dresses and sometimes joke that she used every eating disorder Ville with her as a means of maintaining or figure as your body gets smaller, and eventually frailer her hair got bigger her makeup more dramatic, she hoped that artifice would create some distance telegraph to her fans and detractors alike that what really mattered was the music success for Amy wine was not what she expected was problematic. Amy blamed many of your problems on her daddy issues. Mitch White House had not only left. Her mother, Janice when he was nine he also brought around to the house the woman he'd been having an affair with for most of ABC life beginning when she was just two years old. In fact, shoving his love life and rejection of them in their faces Amy craved her father's attention. She still looked up to him wanted his approval, but underlying that sense of abandonment and rejection were behavioral problems that she'd shown since she was a toddler she suffered from depression, and may have been bi-polar, and she was put on a mood stabilizing drug in temp to controller symptoms. Most often though, she took her anger out on herself. She began cutting age nine just little lines and cross adjutant marks so tiny could barely see them. They were there. They gave her a kind of release gave her a sense of control, however, fleeting as an adult. She still cut herself. It was something she in Blake had done. Separately as children now, the did it together romantic cut, cut cut, the little blood a little more blood. Then the shame and the scars she cut herself to punish yourself to punish Blake at the same time. She began to depend more and more on blink a man who could barely take care of himself to support her emotionally his care of her. Blake was her man, her amuse, her mess, a hardcore drug user, he brought heroin and crack into the relationship, but Amy wasn't some passive victim. She embraced his world of drugs wholeheartedly. When she was using drugs drinking, Amy lack self control. Then again, why should she control ourselves? She was aiming wino- you'd never knew which Amy we're going to get. She could be funny and flamboyant or fucked up and fidgety at the q awards in two thousand six where you to received yet another award of some kind Amy was there sitting in the audience. She got he has Bano droned on. He literally would not shut up Amy wanted a drink. She wanted to smoke and her feet hurt her hair ist, she wanted to leave Jesus Bano will you ever fucking shut up. She shouted it came out loud in her. Heaviest cockney accent heads turned people shushed von glared. She gives shit about pissing off Bajo, and she didn't mind making seen either. She wanted out award shows Werner thing for Amy a girl from Camden festivals were mortar taste at the wireless festival. She was in her element. She hit the VIP bar. She. Feeling right and short yellow halter. Dress peop- toast, the Littles mile high beehive in signature red lipstick. She looked around backstage to see who was worthy of her tension as cheesy began is set. Amy notice the A-List who are surrounding her the magnificent beyond say that smug little snob. Gwyneth Paltrow and the has been twins. Kate moss. Madonna, but Amy was an interest in any of them cheaters sights set on an unsuspecting inefficiently single, Royal Prince, Harry or prince hot ginge is he was dubbed the tabloids. He was captivating. All this rogue Laurie AB washed vibe to h two is he raised his hands to the anthem as did is doesn't or so bodyguards. Suddenly they're on high alert because Camden tattooed rose is rolling up on the prince, the crack addled songstress the Greek, Amy wine. I was herself was barreling. Right. Atom 'paparazzi swarmed around her she moved toward or how he sat at the side of the stage. She called he'd never met her any wasn't exactly planning on doing that. Now either. What was she doing? God. She was coming closer. Our it's me, Amy this point security rain down on her promptly apprehended. You're Prince Harry remained embarrassed play as she was dragged off by her handlers. And then by security. Sometimes Amy had things under control other times. She did not that was the case in the night. Amy been invited by a friend to production of Cinderella. The friend was starring prince charming by the time Amy arrive, she was feeling the fight rise up. She wanted to embarrass from just a little she wanted attention. She wanted to be funny to be loved. She wanted to disrupt to hurt. She wanted the glass slipper totter around into break to cut to wanna cheated the prince she needed to be syndrome. She was syndrome cinders, she screamed marry me prince charming. Little kids in the audience. Confused parents shocked that theater manager beside himself. Amy get up out of receives walking up and down the aisles trying to charge with minimal barris this manager approached a low voice ear said, please come with me miss. She pulled away we have a private VIP seating area. You'd be more comfortable, he continued politely. The fuck of coming with you a couple of security guards of to escort quarter out of the building. She said she needed to use the bathroom. I but that was just a ploy to hit the bar again. She wobbled toward the bathroom and then made a break to a small service bar in the hallway to the tuxedo, a bartender. She said I wanna vodka miss Winas wouldn't a glass of water be then that's what she hit him. The bartender in open headed smack right in his face, then a closed fist wallow then Amy attacks for real flailing arms and legs scratching kicking the bartender about twice her size. Tried. Restraining Amy nothing batons connected straight with his balls the full security team managed to get any under control her bodyguard promise. She'd reporter so police in the morning no-one had called the cops. But someone tipped off the press, and as she left theater the paparazzi was in full effect flash. Flash flash. An endless barrage of intrusive cameras in questions. Amy what happened when's the next record coming out? Is it ever coming out? Amy. Why are you so skinny what did you smoke tonight, Amy, whereas Blake is cheating on you? When are you going to rehab, Amy Amy Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy, she looked up for tangle hair on done, a mess? One shoe in her hand one lost her bare feet stepping unsteadily through the cold winter night. She had just one question for the theater manager the cops her husband, her father, her fans, the tabloid sleazy followed her one question, just who the fuck you. You think you are? We'll be right back after this word word word. Do you sell stuff online? Then you know, what a pain shipping can be. It's time consuming. It's expensive. It's a hassle until now. Introducing ship station, the fastest easiest and most affordable way to get your products to your customers, whether you sell stuff on Amazon Oetzi shop or your own website, which ship station, you can quickly ship all orders from one easy to use dashboard. Saving you a ton of time. There's even an easy to use mobile app. So you always have access plus you'll save money with ship stations deeply discounted rates from all the top carriers like USPS, UPS, FedEx and more. 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Lake fielder decided on one more drink right after he decided on one last line cope. And after that he decided that maybe another line was in order. And of course, then another drink then a line in that I drink and then in the more drink, then a lick of his index finger swipe across the top of the bathroom sink for what was left the blow then shot to dull the realization that he had no more cope. He exited the bathroom in Bob his head manically to the song from pulp lasting club speakers at ear-shattering volume. Name was Deborah, then he sucked his gums pulled out his empty Bill from sticky gene pocket right there in the dance floor impressed it into his nostrils inhaling hard but getting nothing back to the bar another shop and then a failed attempt to calling guy to nowhere and Jarvis cocker really needed a tone of the fuck down it never suited. You Blake was annoyed and coke and no cope the MacBeth. Was bumping the bars survived two world wars and even Typos but Blake is drinking, buddy. We're about to give the place run for its money in the open very unsavory chapter in their own lives. There were jacked up shouting at no one in particular and banging on the table. Most everyone tried knowing the crowd of the upmarket establishment was getting tired of their cocaine fueled who in bullshit stoned out of their minds and pissed that there was no more coke Blake and his friend were by all accounts, ready to blow their tops livewires hot mic spilled out bound the blow. They're scaring the customers that lasts the bar on affable impeccably dressed stepped up the cable inform them that it was time to pay up. Home when he escort a Blake and his boy to the door. The pair grabbed the bartender dragged him outside his suit jacket lakes, boy them to the ground. He and Blake then viciously kicked the man in the head is curled into a bloody fetal position one kick to the face the sound of cracking bone. The bartenders cheekbone busted a kick to his I this is socket shattered. A brutal kick to one side of his jaw and then to the other side of his face. And the bartender was barely conscious. When all was said and done after multiple surgeries, the bartender had have his face fitted with metal plates to make it look like a face again, his destroyed Izhak it was reconstructed with titanium mesh was used to hold his I in place his jaw once it was reattached to his skull was held together with a metal bolt not ten men down like Roger Moore, just one man. The two coked up idiots kick the shit out of for no good reason. And there's a name for that kind of beating an English criminal odds called an assault of grievous bodily harm with intent or GBH for short at snares Crown Court lake fielder was brought before the honorable judge David rat fourth who told Blake that is behavior was quote for to reduce cowardly, and I should not a disgrace. I'm quote, Blake incredibly said, but judge our right pissed at the time. The judge thought fielder was that explain shook his head in disbelief. Lake began to worry about the prospect of serious jail time. Within a few months. Blake was falling down and pulling Amy along with them every chance he got together hand in hand, they were spiraling worse. They were constantly in the news and tabloids they were busted for cannabis in Norway and Amy's embarrassing gig at the MTV European music awards did nothing for public image. Then as if all of it wasn't bad enough a video of Amy smoking crack surfaced on the internet as she was devastated and top that Blake tried to avoid jail for the beating by offering. The victim two hundred thousand pounds clam up like have been found out and been made for the bribe. The jig was up. There was no way around it was heading to jail for twenty seven months so before shipping off to prison. He decided it was time to lay low. He and Amy holed up in their place in Camden, where they drank smoked in snorted themselves into daily stupor, the Dell base of Tang in the streets bouncing constantly in the background cocaine ketamine ecstasy, Amy washed it all down with Stella red wine and vodka. She in Blake shut the world out because the world was dangerous people were fucking parasites. They alone would save each other. They had a stay together. They were all they had. The knocked of the door came out of nowhere. Amiably were sleep the knock San graduated full-on bang shouting, Amy and Blake stirred in the bed. Bang bang bang. Silence. Police opened up more sons more banging then one two three and finally one big bang the door miraculously held its own. And then the crowbars came a crack in the sound of iron rubbing up against concrete. Amy shot out of bed is from a nightmare. Blake. Her mouth was parched in her throat was sore. The police opened up Faulk Blake bleary-eyed, but instantly propelled by journal. Amy's husbands sprang up from the bed stumbled over empty bottles and overflowing ashtrays appeared to the curtains down in the street were dozens of police fleet of panda cars and a couple of paddy wagons, the cost of the door with their crowbars. Preceded a dig in tug at the sides of the door frame, Amy leap to the window panicking. Hyperventilating Blake graduate by the wrist. We gotta go now he shoved himself into his crumpled jeans, grab his hat phone and smokes nabbed. An extra t shirt that he would later on his next ease the sting from the long scratch marks angrily scored his flesh for cheeks chest Amy pulled on a skirt from the floor stepped into her filthy, ballet, slivers in tears. She pushed up her battered be have toppled over and pulled on her scalp. The hair extensions had torn away the hair temples or the Renou. Too large raw looking bald spots. Much of her hair was bro. And the towering hive now covered what it wants been healthy lustrous locks. Her arms legs were scratched bruised her eyeliner red down faces if she'd been left out for a week in the rain. Determined to penetrate, the apartment the police tossed side, the crowbars favor of a battering ram. There was one thing to do. Dirty crusty battled hungover and still hot the to manage to launch themselves down. The back stairs tweaked up. Bonnie and CLYDE the hauled off to a row behind the house. Inhale the cap. The heavy door finally cracked away off its frame and fell backward in the house boots. Trampled into the regal three story residents. The rooms would have been beautiful. If you've noted that the botched party scene, the empties, the trash the smell of it, even the season cops had to admit that it was pretty bleak. While the raid was really about the warrant for Blake's arrest for the bride. Police reasonably expected to find drugs, but Amy and Blake kit finish them off. And they poked around to the bottles boxes and ashtrays, the piles of clothes pumps of hair. The floor was sticky in the table tops were covered with variety of crack pipes at wads of crumple tin foil. But no actual trucks. Amy in Blake could made it to north London to the apartment of a friend and they're on the run and they had a hide. Meanwhile, they're paranoia was at full tilt had their friends sold them out to the paparazzi or worse. Call the cops was the flat bugged at cops already planted evidence. Amy and a bad feeling maybe they should move on get out away from their friends apartment, and she really a friend anyway, or was she just like the rest of the out to get her Blake fucker, the cash she looked at us when we ride like we're common criminals or not or Amy and Blake and who the fucker you. And who are you on the phone with just the who you calling and then the doors of the apartment broke in with? No warning, the police were enemies, friends, flat and seconds before Amy can react, they grabbed Blake and handcuffed him. Amy was beside herself crying violently and hanging onto Blake baby. I love you. Now, be fine. That's sort of. Thing was she wouldn't be fine. Not at all after Blake's arrest. Amy's publicist made a statement saying that Amy was recovering from exhaustion and asked that the public and the media respect her privacy like that was ever going to happen recovering from exhaustion also known as going to rehab with something that Amy badly needed her family, friends and record label urged her to enter facility in Essex to come off the drugs and booze alcohol was Amy's true, demon and seesawing on and off it increase the chance that she could die during detox Reitox the booze rather than what she smoked or snorted wrought the worst havoc on her tiny body. However her heavy cigarette smoking led to a diagnosis of emphysema in two thousand eight she was only twenty four years old alone. Rehab. Amy was desperate to see Blake while visits were prohibited. He managed to get to her one time he brought her a tiny package and later during one of her daily screenings, doc. Actors found heroin in her system did Blake bringer the drugs out of love or something else. He himself was a drug to her her protector her Souder her muse so much. So that when Blake was incarcerated Amy moved to a different rehab center, just to be close to but in two thousand eight at the insistence of both sets of their parents, Amy and Blake divorced lake sign the papers while he was still in jail and Amy headed out Saint Lucia quit heroin quick Blake once for all. Cross looking empathy in his is there is none of the normal condescension just seriousness and concern Amy's family listened intently while Amy's dot the strain of her latest overdose in the adjacent room. The doctor's words were no surprise she'll die if she has another overdose. You understand me Amy will die with the amount of cocaine crack heroin in alcoholics system, it's a miracle. She's not Nkhoma you get lucky this time. She's a petite girl. The message was clear Amy wine houses family needed to make their rockstar daughter. Go to rehab, an actually rehabilitate or she would be dead before twenty eighth birthday. No, no, no would not be an acceptable answer. So Amy chapters of in the priory clinic in London and made a go of it. It was made two thousand eleven and she needed to get ready for European shows happening that summer, but when she checked back, oh, she found herself. Uninspired and semi sobriety. Living clean was boring. There is no inspiration for new music playing. Her hits was also boring and utter drac no excitement, but the bills needed to be paid rehabbing cheap. So dates were booked, including her big comeback show. Bill grade. Amy reluctantly agreed. The money was too good. But she dreaded the thought of playing the shows now sober without Blake. She couldn't see her so up there prowling on about rehab and torched love without alcohol without her muse. The first show was a disaster with their anxiety through the roof beforehand. Amy took to a bottle of wine to commoners, she drank it fast, the entire bottle, and then another and by the time, she appeared on stage and front of two hundred thousand people she was legless so drunk that she was completely unable to perform the crowd booed, Amy stage. It's difficult to watch the video of this performance to see such a. A commanding artists completely out of control unable to do anything. Really? She can barely stand. Never mind saying she flirts with the backup singers who somehow maintain an air of professionalism in politely chase her away from their Mike's hoping to driver to her own to grab it with her spidery fingers unleash tortured voice into it. The voice that almost a quarter million people had turned up to see. But instead she just sits down on the drum riser and watches the show as if she's not even a part of it totally defeated spent when news hit of the show or lack thereof the rest of the tour was cancelled Amy headed home back to camp. Amy's feet hurt. If it wasn't the arches from the tight heels, and it was the souls from her near Solis ballerina shoes, she weaved away for the paparazzi glare their flashes. The annoyance of they're shouting. She tried hard to keep the song in her site. But the muse was gone. And so was the song her heart sunk she felt that Polaner chest in her mouth water slightly. She knew there was vodka the house. She drink tonight. The bell the pain tomorrow hit back on the wagon. But tonight tonight, she get fucked up for around some music, try to get something out to tape or at least on the paper. She while the stairs to replace leaving the soul sucking paparazzi behind the sidewalk vultures. She headed to the kitchen grad the vodka pop the top began pulling straight from the bottle, then she hit her bedroom. She wanted to play drums, get her blood and creative juices flowing. With the alcohol coursing veins and feeling hot. And restless hitting the sticks on the stretch. Skins would be a release. There were things she needed to do for heartbeat like the wings of bird cage trapped and there were calls tax. She needed to return her foam was somewhere. When living bodyguard complained about the noise, she traded, the sticks jazz brushes. She drank more vodka their the muse. It was back sorta she could sense it pulling on her heart. There was something she needed to write down or Qatar was somewhere she moved onto some wine she'd stashed away there is a song flowing through her. She could feel it. Now. The rhythm slower jazzy softer the beat was intoxicating. She could feel yourself slowing down. She could feel her exile. Drifting the pulse of our heart slowing to match the fading rhythm insider. She led to take down she stopped playing still here the slowing beat or maybe she could just feel it. Finally, she could feel something she was alive or so she thought the beat slowed down even more she put her hands to her heart calmer now slow so slow so slow. She slipped down to the floor off the drum stool to her knees. Leaning over to her bed to pull the down comforter off of it in onto or frail and now freezing body in once slow MO fell swoop. The beat sounded like it was under water now, she could see the notes floating around the room along with the feathers from the Russell comforter. They drifted slow slow slow through the lamp lay in time with drowning beat ever. So softly, she let herself fall further and further away from the muse until eventually she was gone. thousands of mourners with flowers candles, teddybears, bottles, southern comfort impacts of smokes somewhere. Pinup dresses some in sharp suits, most in tears stood in front of thirty. Camden place to pay their respects alone addicted and perhaps most damning uninspired there. Amy had left them. She also left them voice. Her incredible voice altogether to sue. Amy wine was dead. At twenty seven years old wish is a disgrace. I'm Jay Brennan. This disgraceful. This episode of disgrace its musical score deemed song written by me. Jake, Brennan scrapes land is mixed and engineered by Sean Kaelin. Who also helps score this additional music and score elements by Ryan spreaker this episode was co written by Alan T-Bone edited. By Pat Healy disgrace sign is produced by myself for double Elvis media in partnership with iheartradio. Sources for this episode available on my website as are the sources for all sorts. That's WWW dot disgrace, San pot dot com. That's you can find all info on disgrace, including all of our new merchandise t shirts on the Elvis pins posters. More get over to the website bang on that merger, bud. And if you'd like to win a free AVI specific designed season three poster head over to apple podcasts. Leave a review for disgracing or jump on social media review disgrace sign with the hashtag subscribe to screw slant. I'll now's the winters on the next up. So she's coming your way on me twenty eighth and his aunt John. Cash last week's winners are that one lady e Danielle new hosts guys who'd be up the website to claim your free posters everyone else. Thanks for listening for spreading the word talk me on Instagram and Twitter at Graceland pod. And find us at Facebook dot com slash disgrace land, pod rock Arolla. He's a man. You're listening to Graceland. You also knew that. So I know that you have discerning case in podcast, and I want to recommend another one. It's a music documentary show from the great KCRW called loss notes in its second season music, journalist, Jessica hopper unearth. Some of the greatest music stories never told music fans can learn about the sense pioneer. Suzanne Xiang the woman behind David boies favor rock band. Fanny and how cat power's two thousand six album greatest may have saved one fans crazy fine loss notes. Wherever you listen to podcasts.