Amber Smith: Wife of Country Star Granger Smith shares her story of losing their 3 year old son River to a tragic downing accident.

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Payoff Caroline Hobby of get real podcast I want to talk to you about what southern living magazine has up their sleeve in the south. Talking about food is personal. It's a way of sharing a part of your history. Your family, your culture in yourself on the biscuits jam podcasts, southern living editor and chief sit evans talk celebrity musicians like. Little big town's Kimberly flatman Brett. eldredge Martina McBride in Gladys Knight to hear stories of how they grew up and how they've been shaped by southern culture. Listen to biscuits and jam on Apple podcasts Iheart wherever find your favorite podcast. Support for this podcast comes from red bubble. Everyone's got thing. Maybe it's dinosaurs or donuts or super, weird, true crime shows, and if you want to express what you love, you should come to red bubble. Thousands of artists who are into dinosaurs donuts anti-crime sell art on stickers, t shirts, masks, pillows, and more see. You can get the thing you love made by an artist who loves to wrap bubble. Dot Com find your thing. Pay An artist. Off. These. In you. Soldiers? One can. Relax! Sumo after many technical difficulties. How does the volume on my computer? I am so happy to have you here Amber Smith. Lane he knew? I actually meet. It is Alan. We were just saying we feel like we know each other. It's crazy how the happens through socials, but you feel like you've met somebody many many times in. We'd never officially met so. In Texas right we are. We're in Georgetown. I'm from Waco, so. Isn't that Georgetown was like Austin Right? I guess it's about twenty minutes twenty minutes twenty five minutes or so. Austin's my favorite city in Texas hands out I I've definitely spent much time at Georgetown, but we always drive through because my sister and brother-in-law live in Austin. Texas or were you grainger both from there? We are, we are both originally I've grown up in Texas my whole life. He's from Dallas I'm from Fort Worth, and then we can just picked a central spot we we thought Austin would be like a good location, but we didn't want to be in the heart Boston hit all the traffic's that we just moved a little bit Al lived in round rock for a few years in the now Georgetown for Gosh almost got on six six years here. I was asking you and Grainger have been together for a long time like in you, said ten years in jail met on the set of his music video, so talk to me about how y'all net. And how old were you y'all must've been like baby. Yeah I was twenty seven. I think when we met and he actually message me through facebook. They were looking for actresses for his first music video, and they did they ran. It Hag an atom list. They held onto it. They held auditions. And I think they actually picked a girl, but then whenever went home? He was like had just doesn't feel right, so he bound me on facebook through the people you may know like my picture popped up. He just randomly messaged me and said Hey I'm Ed. Henry Music artist, would you? Would you like to come addition to be a music video and I was doing acting like small things commercials and things like that, so it was like okay. Yeah, I'll go meet some random diet. Like not safe but. Took my girlfriend. We met in Kaleen. We shot the video on Kaleen and I. Knew that I felt something that day. You know we. We work together all day, we. We had our first that day. Business onset. So are very first meeting was all filmed. Oh, my Gosh! was that narcissists natural. Was it awkward had to go it wasn't it wasn't opera. He said the for we did it. Four Times. He said the first two times I was acting and the second the last two. It was real. At all the way kids want to. SAPAG y'all had to get down. Now just. No, it wasn't any French kissing. Mainly pets mainly Pex, but you'll pex. They got more sensual as the time went on. I guess that's one way to break the ice like you've already kissed. You've already kind cross that line. You already had a connection, so I mean. Why not try it. Yeah, digestion, we let that. I'm sorry. Did you all start dating after that? So. I messaged him. I made the first move. Go I message. he's like a week or so later, I was just like. I need to know if you felt something to like I just felt a connection with you need. To know if you felt that same connection with me and I actually had the dating somebody else for like three three or four weeks before, and he said you know being the gentleman that he is, he said regardless of whether you feel something for me. Obviously you need to. Stop seeing that other person. And he made me wait a month after I stopped as stop dating, and then he asked me out for coffee. Together. Now respectful. Is that not even drinks coffee? Coffee! We closed down a starbucks in Fort Worth close like midnight. So. Did you? Were you ready to go for this country? Music? Live this and then like earl doubles junior I like binge watch videos last night. That Url devils junior I can see why people are obsessed. It is a it's a real huge person character white. Grainger really has an alter ego. He has many many many eidos. Earl is the one that of took off A. It's been such a creative release for him. Because Earl doesn't care care. Earl says what he wants. He sings what he wanted to seize guns shooting in. You know he's just the country boy so that is you know Grainger's a little more buttoned up and so that is his time to just release everything onstage in it's. It's just a fun creed released for him. Rancher, grow up a country boy. He, he grew up in Dallas, though I mean he lives I guess. He lived in the city, but they always had their ranch kind of in the west of Waco area, so he always grew up hunting and fishing, and he's a country boy at heart, but he did live in the city, did he? When he created these offer egos like did they come to stage right away or did it like slow leaks? Haven't he can come a Texas? Big Artists in Texas I write. You can get the same, yeah. We're doing the Texas in the band trailer days for. When I first met him, he just Kinda started started touring advantage trailer in, so we did that for Gosh. Few years He didn't hit. He lived in Nashville for five years before he met me, but we didn't. He didn't sign his record deal until two thousand. Fifteen I, believe. In national. Were you in the Vana trailer? With. That was that was. We were just talking about that yesterday. Those were some of the most fun days. You know we just we would. We would fall asleep together on one bench of the. You know with all the guys in. It's super late driving. We're just gas station stops junk food. And just it was just really fun like staying having to stay in like the gross hotels, just trying to make it work and hitting the pavement, and that was that was really fun. Then I got to go with him before we before we had our babies so and they know I think is so crazy about all that Michael Assembly like van and trailer days for ever I mean they were in the war for years for they got a record deal and got onto tour bus. And like you think. Never going to get out of that phase, you know it's like you think it's never going to get. You're never GONNA get to the next level, or you're going to be an advantage trailer forever and then one day you're looking back and you're like Dang though those days were actually really really sweet. You know even that hard in the struggle so hard. There's something so beautiful about it. Absolutely it makes you appreciate. It makes you appreciate where you are now so much more by having to fight in grinds in work super hard to get there. So it wasn't wasn't wasn't like an overnight thing. He's been seeing since I think. He picked up a guitar fourteen and he's forty now, so he's been doing it a long time. So what about your acting career? Tell me about that like. How did you get into acting because I just interviewed Dennis Quaid like acted with him, did relative. Don't mean that awesome. What? How did you get? That! I went to school for broadcasting and I, always thought I wanted to be like an entertainment reporter on e. or something. And then I just I did a like a few open casting. Calls of commercials in imprint shoots, and things I I really just loved it so two thousand eight. I found agency in Dallas and I just started doing commercials. And small roles in in one of the first ones I did was beneath the darkness with Dennis Quaid and I've played his his deceased why I played a ghost, but he was just one of the nicest people you know you know you. You spoke with him and he's just just a great guy. But yeah. I did I was doing commercials and small roles I. Did a couple of. Couple of. Things I'm proud of I was on a small Dallas in a small role in American crime and I'm just enjoy it. I. Don't know I just I love it. I love those the set in all the waiting around. Like that too much, but I enjoy it. Yeah, is it hard to get into the mindset of someone else like I feel like I would feel so awkward trying to like trying to play a role of someone else. I feel like I would be so awkward about. Do you just naturally love that, are you? Can you switch it? I don't. I'm not saying I'm a good actor I. Just love it like I am not one of those people who can meticulously Erlich change into morph into somebody I. Don't have that gift, but I just love it. I love doing it so. I look up to two actors. You can do that and it is hard for me. It's not it doesn't come naturally or easy. I have to kind of work at it. So I just love it. I guess an actor to? He, yeah, he would say he's better than I am. He can change. He keeps me laughing. He can change into character just like that get. He's very good at impersonations to. He can impersonate anybody. He meets changes. As you know he just, he could step to all kinds of different characters. Does he have lots of voices in the house like when you're at home? Is there lots of alter-egos flying around? He'll he'll he will. Title Talk like his friends and his family of make the kids laugh so yeah. So I. Live like Rib Shirt. You have been the just bravest Beautiful Most Beautiful Soul in mom out there. You've gone through something that no mother whatever? Should ever go through like I. Mean you know it's just targeting Harper meet. Even talk about with you because I feel so much in my heart for you and your family that you've been so vocal about the loss of your list river and I feel a year intentionally speaking about that. I am WanNa talk about what happened or Whatever you're comfortable with. A guy so. I guess for people who may not know. We, lost our youngest son river. WHO's three and we lost into a drowning in our backyard? We thought we had. We thought we had done everything right when we moved to Georgetown. We we moved to a house with a pool, but it didn't have a gate that was the one of the first things we did was installed in iron. Forfeit fence with the lock. We always talk to kids about not going near the water. We hadn't had swim lessons, you know. It just as something that happened so quickly. Grain outside with with all the kids I I was in the shower and I heard my daughter scream. And when I went out there grain already doing CPR on rib. And he he hit. It just goes to show how quick and silent it is. I mean there was no splash. There is no no sound of the gate. Nobody saw river going the gate. Nobody heard the gate close and graduates twenty feet from the pool, just doing gymnastics with London and turned around and. Using the pool, so we're. It's something that we will never understand how it happened how it was so silent. HOW FAST! How quickly? It happened, but we made the decision that we could either. Hideaway, not talk about it and not honor his life, or we could do everything that we could to hold our family together and to share our story and try to help this. Try to prevent this from happening to anybody else, so I've kind of made that mission. To Ana River in that way, too. I was Ivan I love falling. You but I've been like reading all your your posts today and yesterday especially. And you talked about ambushes in God winks and how? They both happen. And like you got hit with an ambush I guess you're saying they're gonNA. Fire Department fire stations, and he built a couple miles from your old house where it wasn't there when. The incident happened. Yeah so we've learned a lot about Johnny. How fast you need to get the heartbeat back. Before, brain damage occurs, and we were on the phone was with nine one one for ten minutes before they got there, so there was obviously not a fire station close enough to get to within five minutes, so I was driving home the other day in. Our new house is relatively close old wounds two miles. And I saw that they're building a new fire station right? There is just like broke my heart because I thought you know what they could have got their five minute sooner. COULD ANYTHING OF CHANGED? I, don't know I can't. I can't do that to myself, so I just try to say. Will now they are now there now. If it happens to somebody else, they'll get there in time. And hopefully they can save also China. See the positive, but it still hurts when you hit with that because it's like. Why couldn't they have been there? During our accidents. As, you, said living in the what ifs like you can't live in the wettest, and I'm sure that is just so hard. Sometimes you probably have to spiral down into the what IFS Do. Yeah, often despising sometimes, and then you have to just tell yourself like do give yourself a moment to just go all the way like I. One post you said you just raged like you had to rage and scream and like. Let it out, and then you had to tell yourself okay like how do you? How does that process go for you I think what the victims about grieving. Is it so so persona so different for everybody in? The time that you talked about raging, we're we're moving right now. So this is Kinda bareback here behind me bit. This was filled with pictures in memories that brave and I just I just lost it. One day I was screaming like I. Don't want a memorial wall. If my son I want my son. I just I do allow myself to let it out I. Scream I. Yell at God. I pray. I hit my knees. I cry because it's healthy to mourn and grieve and I think if I hold that in which is what happened that week? I held it in all week. It's not healthy. It takes a toll on your body, and so that's one thing I do allow myself I still cry every day I allow myself a small portion time to cry day. Pick myself up, but I say okay. I trust. You got and we're GONNA. We're GONNA fight in. We're just GONNA. Keep taking steps forward. And I'll I'll do that for the rest of my life, you know. How have you in Grainger? Gone! Closer, during this. That's one thing I'm so grateful for. Is We have? We're closer than we've ever been. You know obviously going through something like this. It's it could either put a wedge in between you. Enforce you apart, or it can bring you closer in thankfully for us, you know. The day we left the hospital. We look each other in. Re said we're still a family. We're GONNA go home. We're not going to let anything tariff family apart. We have to go home and tell our two children. The brother has gone and. We're GONNA. Do everything we can to stay together by through this. Trust Guide so we. We did go to therapy. We went to a site in Tennessee, which was awesome. It's amazing in deep intense hard work in it. It really helped us both, and then our children have been counseling. For seven seven months since the accident and yet, we just we pray together we. We talk about our feelings in. That's kind of another thing through grief is. He grieves differently than I do and you have to. You have to accept that about your partner like you can't. I can't get upset with him if he's one day or or I'm super sad like you have to respect the way they feel. It's so personal like for him. He can't look at pictures and videos of rib like it it. It hurts him. It breaks him, but for me that helps me. It makes you feel like I'm still close to him so. Just respecting your partner in knowing when your partner is sad in knowing when to step back in a moment in also knowing when to grab them in hugged him in helped him through it. How do we definitely be closer, do you? Is it hard to Aligarh happy? That's when we talk about. All the time is finding still finding joy and. I talk radio the other day I. Don't know that will ever be happy again, but I have joy i. am so grateful for everything. I still have in my life. My family. You know our community that has come together. Feeling got close to me like find joy in those moments but yeah, if if I'm ever having a good time laughing with the kids or or laughing with my friends, you do Kinda. Stop in for a second you're like. You shouldn't be laughing. But why are you having right now? Like your son is. Your son has gone. That's hard to fight through. But you're left, would want you to keep gall into. Be Happy, but it is a struggle. Mean you feel guilty, but I'm trying to fight through that. Yeah. So Lincoln had a dream of really. Vivid dream. Did. That Oh. Know what's most lake. Give you so much happiness and Happiness like true having is that must give you so much joy when you. Have something like that happened, so tell me about that dream, because like when you type out and I was like. Wow, that's a vivid dream of river. I know he remembered it. He came right in when morning and he said Mommy I wanNA. Tell you something but I don't want you to be sad i. Said Okay. He said I dreamed about river and told me exactly what he was wearing. He said he was wearing some crab floaty. He had on red goggles. Folding. He told me a week later. He said he was holding this big leaf. This big Hawaii Leaf. And just a vivid dream in saying. He told him that God was fun. Got US fine a matt. He, he said. Did you see me by the pool? Setting. Did you see Mommy and Daddy CPR? In the Dream Lincoln? Said yes, in that. I will go up. Matt gave me so much. Hope like you know we were doing CPR in many woke up in heaven talks about how fun got is. I looked up the meaning of showed Lincoln some photos of different leaves as well. What was good, he was holding, and it was the palm leaf, which is simple as eternal life, and I'm just grateful that he was able to to have his brother visit him. Kids are so close to heaven there so innocent in the Vale of Heaven and Earth so much thinner than we think in there so close so. Grateful that he got that, he got that dream to be with his brother. How League in London men with all of this? Lincoln London. Has You know she's older? She's eight now. When it happened, she was seven. She had some really hard moments in the beginning because they were there and they saw everything. They kept saying why. Why was Bobby Purple? Why why do they have purple cheeks? And so she? She was a little scared for a little while. But now we've allowed them to. Talk about their brother and remember brother, look, pictures, and videos and laughing, and thankfully they haven't had any. Terrible breakdowns any I'm so grateful that they are in such a good place in. Heaven in such a beautiful way that they're scared. They still WANNA. Swim, which is crazy to me, wow! They're doing so good. They're doing great in school. I think counseling is really helped them. But yeah, they they're doing the best. That I could ever hope for for having to go through such a traumatic thing, such a young age. Oh Yeah. Lincoln. Sorry no go ahead and Lincoln did Jokes passed 'em where river we call it. His Angel spot where he's buried. We pass that the other day in. That's the first time that Lincoln cried really cried sent in a year. He never he, he holds at Haled's it things in I think in. He actually released a lot of stuff that day so I'm glad London will cry and let it out, but even even still. She's only done that about three times this year, so. I'm grateful that they're not extremely sad all the time you know, they remember river in a in a happy happy fund lights. And another thing you posted was. Like not allowing yourself to go down the spiral guilt, because you in grainger are amazing parents like I see myself in you guys like we're all just trying the very best weekend. Do provide the best life for our kids to keep them safe, but like. No one is safe from anything like this this Kevin to anyone at any time, and you're doing the very best you can, and you said you have to dislike. Not Blame yourself in I. Totally agree with you because it's so easy. Probably want to blame herself, but even said like what I would have given. If I hadn't taken that shower, I would love to give that shower back, but it's like you just need five minutes. Mean you're with three kids all day every day like you gotta find five minutes for yourself somewhere. That's that's been really hard because it was one of those Nice I. Put on my instagram. It was one of those smart. You know you know as a mom you're. You're exhausted, Not all over you in your, you know your your comment, however you all day, and you don't have two seconds to go to the restroom or anything. So that that night. I was frustrated and I. Just said they were outside, ingrained said. Can you take the boys inside? And I just five minutes. I just need to go. Take a shower in between the time I took. The shower is when it happened, and it's like. How can you not? Feel, guilty about how can you not think if I wouldn't have taken that shower? Just put him to bed, but I'm trying to. As a Christian you, you believe that God knows your time and we're trying to trust. We don't understand or trying to trust it. For some reason. This was this was rivers time on earth. That was his time to go home and we can't beat ourselves up about it. We just have to try to continue trusting living for living for river living for the Lord. Just keeping going until it's our time. And forgiving ourselves for something that. We don't have that much control over. Exactly! Forgiving yourself for honestly doing nothing wrong. Honestly, I mean you know it's just? It's the what if game in I can't. Even I can play the loaded game with stuff. That doesn't matter all day long and so when you're in a real. Situation like this. Actually it probably gives you so much clarity about what actually really matters in life I bet you don't give. Two cents about that used to at all anymore. We waste so much time focusing on absolutely does not matter. And, then you get hit with something like this like they're all this. Nothing matters really except for. Family God in trying. What has that brought to your awareness about what matters you? You said it exactly it out, hate that it took. Losing my son to open my eyes to the world into what is important and This little dumped trivial things that that you're right. They just don't matter the only thing that matters in life. Is Your family in God and helping people in loving people and. Trying to bring people to the Kingdom of Heaven, that seriously the only thing that matters and people get so worked up over little tiny things, and it's not their fault. It's just until something gets you like this. You don't know you know you don't realize. It bigger things in life in the more the most important things in your life. Right in front of you. And people get so upset about people get upset. With their families with other people over stupid stuff that led draws rifts in their families draws rifts in Brin, chips or people take some personal. That was just like misinterpreted, and it's like let's just cut all that out in Disl- see through the Lens of love. The athlete's life is short and. It's real short in like you said. Sometimes, you, you look back on these pictures and you're like you don't even know that you're taking these pictures in that. You'll look back and be so thankful. You have I don't know exactly said because you don't know their last. You never know when it's your last moment. With something with someone, or when an error is over, not even just like a deck like when a season is over even like talking about the van days. Liquid Grainger on the road lights US thinking about that with Michael the other day like. I remember on the road. With him as a Gosh I just like I'm so ready for us to be able to be in a bus in like you know, it'd be so great deal actually came to the show. Seventeen you look back and you're like. Wow, like those are moments that. Were Fun like we were young with. No cares you did that on your ten year challenge. No cares at all like. The biggest care I had was like. Where am I am my drink, or am I gonNA be able to hang out and party all night. And I'm so glad I had used in that innocence in that. The just like no, no real responsibility like I felt grateful. Pat Season in my life like that. And then it's over and over one day in. No will never ever be back again, so it's like you have to enjoy these moments because. Sometimes. There's a big into things and you never see it coming. Now, it's like you're intercepting. He said the other day. There's there'll be a time when you will run outside and play with your friend for the last time, or you'll lay your baby down in their crib for their last time. You'll give them that one more kiss. It will be the last time you just don't know when that last time is going to be, and that's why. Especially now we're just you know he. He always says it on his podcast were planning for the future, but relieving for today. That's all we have. And like I said it's hard motherhood when you're tired and you're exhausted and you just want a little bit of a break that just trying to live for today for the next breath. The next step in just be in the moment as much as you can. Because you just don't know when. Your last moments going to be. Was it hard for you to get back out into public. Get back into. Your life has been a transition. we did we. We kinda shy away from because we just started the smiths two months before he us up on. Our Youtube Channel in we. We spent time we stayed with our family for about two weeks. We kinda went dark in way decided. That's we made the choice like. Let's let's open up. Let's be vulnerable. Let's talk to people about story about what happened about our faith about God's grace and. So it, obviously you know is social media there. There's a ton of negative stuff that comes with that so I. Think the hardest part stepping back out is of negative. The negative comments negative backlash just got to focus on all the good, because ninety eight percent of it is wonderful in great. That two percent you know, sometimes, it's hard especially when you're going through a really traumatic traumatic thing, you're trying to be vulnerable and share your story to not focus on the negative negative comments, and in that thing, right negative comments. ownersh. We got it. It was horrible Basically saying. You should just watch your kid or you know you. You killed your child or We should be in jail. You know there are lots of comments saying these they're just rich and famous. day there was any normal person they would be in jail and I'm thinking. You know it's like people think we weren't investigated like we're normal family. Place came. Police interviewed us. We have child protective services. Come out in interview us at our family multiple times like. When you're going through something that terrible to have to hear those things about you and your family. When you know in your heart leg, you try your best to be a good parent and just tragic accidents happen. So that was hard, but were coming out of that were coming into. Hopefulness and gratitude and an kindness. Many kind people in our national communities rallied around us. The music community, our friends and our family and. That's what we have to focus on its for Abrahams says if you're not in the arena with me, you don't have the you'll get the right to comment in hurt my heart so. Little Group together and trust your family. Trust your friends and. Those people who truly love you and Shirley matter and don't focus on negative energy in your life. Heo, Cowan Hobby, here women don't often talk about thinning hair, but nearly half of all women experience it as early as age forty. If you're one of them, you know, it can feel scary stressful, which only adds to the problem control isn't given. It's taken, so take charge of your hair growth. 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DOT COM Promo Code get real for hair. Strong as you are payoffs Caroline Hobby here from getting real podcast. Talk to you about Southern Living Magazine are celebrating the essence of life in the south, covering the best in food home travel in style, and this June southern living is excited to be launching a brand new podcast called biscuits and jam in the south. Talking about food is personal. It's a way of sharing your history. Your family, your culture and yourself each week sit Evans editor in chief of southern. Living magazine will sit down with celebrity musicians. Musicians to hear stories of how they grew up what inspired them and how they've been shaped by the southern Culture John, said and his all star guests, including Jayco and Willie Nelson Kimberly Chapman Martina McBride, Gladys Knight Brent, eldredge and more as they talk about cherished memories and traditions, the family meals they still think about and their favorite places to eat on the road tuna. Now the episode one sit talks to country musician Jaco about macaroni, croquettes, growing up in Florida and the story behind his hit song homemade listen to biscuits in jam on Iheart podcast or wherever you find your favorite podcast. So you said one time you're praying. You actually heard an audible voice from. God and it said something like I've got rid I. Don't know exactly what you said I've got rid in. Everyone is grieving something and it was like a big moment for you big. Eye Opening Moment for you, yeah! I really been trying to cultivate a relationship with God and I feel like I hear him speak to the occasionally. That might sound crazy people, but I had. Yeah I had been having a really. Rough rough time and I I have been allowing myself to grieve that. Normally it's for a short amount of time agreed for an hour or something. This was days like I was just wallowing. I was feeling self-pity, Gill in anger and sadness than. I finally just heard like enough. Stop it like not the only one hurting. Everybody is hurting in this world. You're not be more special than anybody else. Hit yourself up I've got rid of got you and you can do this and I immediately just like watch my eyes and I was like okay. Let's go you know and not to say. I, you can't grieve and you can't. Warren gives you should in. That's healthy, but don't allow yourself to be stuck there. Don't allow yourself to never get out of bed. You gotta get up. You gotTA. Keep fighting. Everybody in this world is hurting whether they're grieving a death or the loss of a job or all the stuff going on right now with with with covid. You know everybody is hurting. And we have to just try to live our lives compassionately and hopefully. And just take step. Has. It been hard at times to. Say ingratitude with God or to stay. Has it has been hard not to be super angry at God at times? That's one thing I don't I. Don't feel like I've ever been angry at God. I've been angry. I've been mad. You know like this is not fair. I don't want this, but I've never been. ANGRY AT HIM IN A. I don't know that's hard to explain. I've just never been angry at God. It's like I've always just trusted. Him I don't understand it, and I am in. I am angry at times that I'm trying to like, I said not let myself stay in anger. And, I think I think part of it's helped me. His I felt so comforted by God. Since the very first marketed. It's happened. I just felt him me the whole the whole time in the hospital in the whole time after that and. Anytime I really grieving or very much desperate calling out to him, he has just shown up for me. And so it's really hard to be mad at. God shows up for you. When you need now is he could be. Bad, things that you're in your life, but. So does he auburn different ways like feeling audible. You get signs. Like how does how has he shown up? You have yet I think. I think starting within the hospital is it was a strange feeling of you're going through one of the worst things you could ever go through, but it was feeling of peace like. Was Helping Guide my decisions. I wasn't in my right eye, and I was in shock, and he was helping guide our decisions as to what we were going to do next. You know we made the decision to donate. Rivers were. Never thought of that in my right. My right mind, but I felt with me and I felt I felt like it was home, and he was guiding absent. Since then you know there was a river of. A A Rainbow River servants. I asked for I asked for like a physical sign of a Blue Butterfly one. Night and I got that the next day and I was crying out the other day, and I immediately looked up, and there was a cardinal defense, and I'm just a firm believer in little signs like that. And I know some people think those winces, but I just as a Christian you don't. You don't believe in coincidences. And I just feel i. just feel him with me. All the time and I'm I'm just grateful for that. Yeah! Oh man amber. Yeah, so what is life was like for you today? The day currently we are moving out of this house. We knew we moved from the House Ray. Accident happened a month later. We couldn't be there moved into my brother-in-law's house. He was selling, so we knew this was kind of a safe spot for us to regroup and think about what we wanted to do next. So we're GONNA be out of this house ten days, and we found a little a little piece of land, and we're going to hopefully live RV for a little bit and we're. GonNa build a small farmhouse and. Just try to continue our mission. In saving trying to prevent this from happening to other people. talk about water safety and we created the river. Kelly Fund to help give to other people. Trying to speak out in join forces with other MOMS, who have lost a child to drowning and all of us coming together can hopefully save other lives so. Grainger should hopefully get back to touring the next couple months. Matt opens up again just trying to. Move forward carrying. Carrying his loss with us in living for red. Waiting for our kids in our family. So what would you say? The mission is that you're trying to speak up about Mike. How are you? What are you wanting people to know about water safety? Just, want parents and caregivers babysitters to know that this can happen to anybody. You can think that you're taking all the precautions, but it's not one thing that's gonNA prevent it. It's not just supervision. It's not just a gate. It's not just swim lessons. You need multiple layers of protection. That's what we've been talking about. One thing I didn't know like when I was went to the pediatrician. You know your pediatrician asks you. How should be eating? Are they pooping? Is this no one ever said? Do you have a pool? Do you know it's the number? One Hiller children one to four I can never knew that do do you know it takes less than thirty seconds? Do you know that they can have brain damage after before four minutes. Just in trying to educate people about that, because you don't know you see in reason, it's like. Oh, you're scoop muck, native CPR, and everything's fine. That's just not the case it takes. You go into the restroom in your child to wander off in fifteen seconds twenty seconds, and that's how fast your life can get turned upside down. So I think just speaking out about that and telling people about. Swim survival we I only ever knew swim lessons, but now they have a new thing called swim. Survival teaches babies to float. On. You can start that as early as eight months. Where if your baby falls in, they can learn to roll over in flow. Yet just trying to educate people about all the steps needed in all of the multiple layers of protection that you can have to protect your babies. So. Your heart never be the same now you may never know. You can be truly happy again, so what? What does happiness look like free now? I'm. Just finding joy throughout the day I, think I'm being grateful. Having gratitude, me to be. It's hard to be angry. It's hard to be bitter when you're grateful so I think just looking around you in instill being grateful for things that we do have in our life. I think that that brings happiness seeing kids happy. Scene Grainger working on a song he's he's creative again. which that's taken him a little while to get there. That makes me happy seeing him happy again. Hearing other stories of people sharing their stories, saying we put our baby swim lessons or we. We installed a gate because of you. We open up our Bible again. Because of your son, you know that brings me happiness. Is, life has meaning in. We're bringing. People have been you know. That makes me happy. Yeah Amber You You are so strong like I literally. Look at your instagram all the time dislike. You are such. If we're talking about how life is just bleak in the ultimate goal is get to heaven because we're all on our way to heaven on this earth. None of us are getting out of here. Alive and some taken way too soon. And some of us live a long life. You never know when our time to go is going to happen. But. When something does happen? That's out of what we think. Is. Prepared for or tragic. I just the way you are handling it in the way you are. Stepping up in might bringing God into all of your post in like talking about your honest feelings and being vulnerable, the fact that you are willing to share like you do. You are so inspiring and I know that's not what you want to be. Because I. Know More than you want to have ever back, but the fact that you are. Using your situation that you've been dealt in the way that you are i. Just You're using your life for God in such huge way, and that is so incredible you. Because you are. You are absolutely changing other people's lives. By the way you're showing up in your life. And I know that's so hard and I just wanted to tell you. Everybody knows you and sees you in in your family. Sees that about you guys. What a light you are, and how you are using the situation to still find light, and that's almost near impossible, but y'all are doing it. Harm people. Say you're so strong in? All can say I'm not I'm weak I'm weak, but I got a strong God. So. That's what I'm holding onto you and I. Thank you for saying that. River was such a lie in our lives and I can only hope to still continue to shine it. Just let people know of it. You can do things you can get through hard things. Not Alone. Allow videos you posted of him. I loved the one where he was like. Eating is like some sort of. Wally poverty something in Lincoln and London were asking if they can have some unusually course. Sui? Yeah, he is the sweetest, and then when he came up to you and your laying on the bed. I mean I dislike. I stare at your videos all the time and he. Like in your ear. I gotTA. Tell you a secret have cookie. God He's. The brightest light. It's such a little bitty age. was He always bringing humor. All the time always laughing, always dancing I always felt like he. Always said when I looked into his eyes. It was you could. He could like see inside your soul. He just had this. This lied about him. In all of you know all of our children do, but. There was just something. It's like Keanu something that we didn't I don't know he just. He knew Jesus said aged to like he said Jesus, his friend I never told him that you know. I never told him that we talk about. Go, but I never told him that Jesus was his friend. He just I don't know it like he always wanted to go fast. Nothing was ever fast enough. I feel like he was trying to get all he could. In those three years like he knew you, he didn't have much time or something. Here's a special special void, so he wasn't adventure. Oh, my gosh, every I. mean there's so many videos like you're gonNA. I'M GONNA end up in the ER with you. You're going to keep me on my toes and. So many times. He could've really been hurt, but he was spared in. It's like I don't know. We always had the sense. That something was GonNa Happen in your in a strange way. There's a lot of talk to about that that have lost a child that. They said that was the one that they felt. Something was may happen to their child. That's strange to say, but not scared of danger at all now now he would always tell me if he was going faster if he was climbing on something I would always try to get him down and you'll go It's okay. It's okay. Momma, it's OK. Tell me not to worry, but yeah. He was in adventure. He loved it. And A. Video are watched honestly this morning probably seven times when you were fake crying in him up in your face. You instead don't cry. Mama don't. That's I. Hold onto hearing that little voice and I actually heard that I was crying Wednesday at. His Angels Spot Tears, my guess of Crying Angel spot in a heard that little voice say to me, don't Prime Alva. You know like I'm not here. Don't don't cry meaning. He's not in his earthly body. He's having his spirit, is there? It's too beautiful, but sad. Sad thought react to that little voice like telling me don't cry. Don't cry. I'm okay. Yeah so. You You have a something in motherhood that a lot of us don't have yet, which is dealing with the loss of a child, but what has motherhood shown you like all the layers of motherhood, the good and the bad. Like what are you? What Does Motherhood taught you? That it's. The. Most amazing. Thing ever with it is also one of the hardest. It's unpredictable. It can break your heart, but still leave you with joy in a strange way. Questioning just always wanted to be a mom. That's all I've ever wanted to be in. Just to trust the process trust guide in love your kids love your kids today. Be With them. Forgive Yourself. Give yourself grace. We're all just trying to do the best we can. And you're a good mom, you know. Don't ever be hard on yourself. Your kids just want you and love you. And Yeah just love them as much as you can today. What have you learned about marriage in these ten years, even married. That you, can you, you can go through. Some of the hardest things in your lives, but it can it can. Make you grow stronger together. Make you grow in your face together. Not just learned so much about. My husband in about our relationship and how? No matter what you go through, you can make it if you try new trust the Lord in you. You join together, stand together. Were different and you're gonNA you're gonNA handle things differently in just to respect each other and communicate with each other and let each other what you need. You can make it. Yeah. How how has music been a part of grinders every? For Wild! Eric wasn't wasn't feeling very creative. As you can imagine in about a month ago, he hit. He hit a really creative. He just hit the ground running and he's been nonstop ever since. It's been really helping him to ride in create again and being a studio again. So that's I know. That's brought. Some joy and the guys have been recording some some shows and They're wanting to do some live shows on facebook and I think battle be helpful for them to get together and play and have that commodity again. Together so yeah. House quarantine life in for you is. It Texas has been a lot different, obviously than than other places in the world like we were, we teamed officially like stay at home for at least two weeks or three weeks whatever they us, and then we started being able to go out with masks and. The kids miss their friends. They're like dying. Plates and school was a little tricky steep. Get home. There's fighting years. Didn't their last day was yesterday. So we have now we have a third grader a first grader now, so we did. It was renamed a teacher. Get I learned. Was That my children? Your children obviously learning act differently with you than they do their teachers, so they didn't want to do work with me. There's like no I'm just GONNA. Go Watch Youtube now. You have to sit down into your work. Lincoln WanNa do London's where they would wanNA. Fight over computers than just. Every person I talked to said it was just so stressful, but it was. It was nice for me to be able to see what teachers have to go through, you know. How to handle different how different children learn in and I just always respected teachers have always loved teachers. I'm sure it's given a lot of parents a new respect for for their teachers. All the videos going around like instagram and Tiktok facebook of like parents teaching their kids. The parents were like. Strong out in innovation called the Martini and they're like t-shirts shirts. You gotta come back. You gotTA taste. I'm like I can't imagine so bad at school myself. When I was in school I, mean I. Kinda I hate saying it's sort of like skated. My way through I didn't really ever learn much in school. I just tried to get through it. I got. I wouldn't have no idea how to teach. My kids how to learn anything especially like math. Or Science. S was one thing I was grateful for is that might shows are still a little younger? Some of my friends were teaching older like Algebra. Like now. Just. Go like we're just doing. Short addition and subtraction handle that yeah can't imagine teaching like fifth grade, geometry or something I. I haven't done that in years I know like. Why are we learn that? Because none of us know how to do it. Right. And need to be had to write checks and clean the house and like. Actual stuff that we're GONNA. Use Live scab. A here's how you balance money. Here's bank account. It have some savings. Learn learn about set up for your future. You don't really need to know calculus unless you're GONNA be. Some sort of math wizard I know I got in way. But also. taught me is how much can be done online like I? Never knew like. I never even knew I could do interviews like this online until I was I to do everything in person. I think what we're realizing as A. Whole, culture is like we can do a lot of stuff online in. It's made us get creative with that. Absolutely. I've also noticed. I feel like it's made. People care more like about people's birthdays or or anything, and there's been so many parades drive-by things in zoom girls, nights and May I think it's actually made people come closer together in a strange way, even though we're supposed to be separated or part. You just made people crave that. Feeling of being close to somebody or taking care of somebody or doing a birthday party or anything I feel like it's brought. US brought us closer together in that way, and also on Church and. Worship services like so many more people are now joining online service if they didn't want to ever walk into church, so I think that's been a plus since well, and I am so glad that you said virtual girls nights because I have so many friends I want to keep up with the honestly, and when you are running, your household got your kids running around. It's like you don't. It's hard to get out in like. Leave the house. Do Steph, but you wanNA have a wine that girlfriend now realize. Why don't we do have an hour and a half? Yeah, I can't talk and everyone just stays. Dominic goes right to bet. It's safe to drive the. You'll just be. Totally. Like when grainger like when the red carpets are happening, and there's all the the award season the dressing up. Do you like all the all that like the Glam the red carpet, and have you missed all that with Ronan? Everything being shutdown. Now. Funny you say that so before the accident. I've labs getting dressed like as a mom. You don't ever get to get just get you. Make your hair down I. Love that stuff grainger. That's worked for him. He has to go do interviews in like he doesn't care about fashion. He's just like I want to watch my my peers sing. I love that I loved the red carpet. I left the gallons. I love seeing what everybody else was wearing. And then. You know it's kind of one of those things you said about what really matters. After the accident. I just. It's still such an integral part of music in love I love the awards I left. People getting recognized for their hard work in that is so important, but I think thinking back to. I don't know it's like Dr Really Care about getting dressed up in like that's not really important. It's important for me to go to support my husband. Our peers and music, but the whole glitz glamour of it doesn't mean the same thing to me anymore after going through something hard if that makes sense. It's still such amazing award shows are so bad in amazing to recognize people for their work, just kind of changed in that way so i. don't really Miss Getting dressed up. Yeah I. I think honestly like I've been like Sonny's eight months old right now on I still so in the trenches with it all the time in a good way like I'm so grateful for every day I get to be with her, but it's like Oh. My God like I'm so getting at the end of the day I. The last thing I want to do is a league her and then be go address upset. I feel the same way kind of like enjoyed the chronic break a little bit. Eight. What's happening in the world? But on the flip side like just being able to be home, and not you have anything that you have to do or the responsibilities going anywhere act like that's been. The blessing of it in in my eyes. I don't know. That and The longest August that we've never had grainger home. In ten years. A blessing for the kids to be home with them in them to get to spend time with them, so that's been I know. It's hard for him because he loves like I'm sure like Michael They love the road. They love the stage. They love to perform, but it's been nice to slow down. Spend time together and get to actually just be a family. A normal family. What is family time light? Free off the house. Like what are what are y'all? What is your home life like? When now Grainger's been here? Have you had to create a new normal? Because like that's the thing with all of us road wives. It's like when our husbands are home for a long time. Part of me is like shouldn't even getting back on the road. I. I know. It's been good. We without them in IT, yeah! Yeah, yeah, that's been a change. We do like Grainger. We've been going to the ranch or go to the farm and says they've been grainger Manley Janet been playing a lot of video games together. They play Zelda. We have movie nights. Chicken. So it's like we spend a lotta time outside with the chickens and a lot of it is just been filming content or miss being together filming that because that's. Our only source of income right now. He's not touring out. Yeah. Just just plan being together and you started arise with amber. Somewhat what? What made you want to start that on your youtube? Pages of his amazing. So. I think just because I guess my instagram post. Things had so many people. Saying you should do like an online Bible study around the lab to hear more about your faith or your money, and so I thought about it for a long time I thought I'll just try it I mean it's really intimidating to try to upshur note to come up with content in put good stuff out there for people, so that's been a little tricky, but I thought after the accident I'm going to say yes. To whatever God is calling me to do, step out faith and I just said Okay God. Use Me We did before whatever people need to hear. Please let them come through me and that's all I can hope for inside. Just share my faith. Answer questions until stories. that's more more faith-based than our youtube stuff so I just do that. Every Sunday Sunday morning at eight. Just. Pray to God, gives me stuff to talk about. It's amazing and I just WANNA. Say Like I. I don't know how to talk about this with you like this. It's hard for me like I. Don't want to say anything wrong to you and anyone listening I'm sorry if I said anything wrong it so hard to have these conversations because i. feel you on the mother's level in I. Just WanNa, make sure I. Set it all right, indebted. Alright, but. You're moving when you're talking about stuff like it's hard. It's hard to talk about this Start talking. It's so amazing that you're sharing your story. You're starting a youtube pay as you to moment where you're just having faith because. This is a messy conversation it's it's conversation nobody wants to have. You're willing to have it and share it and I think it's amazing that you're just letting godly June, saying yes to that. How do you know when God is prompting you? I I. DO devotional every morning, so I'll wake up in just pay. If there's something that something that I made to talk about this week. Please show it to me and so I'll feel certain things. Tug At me and I'll just all write down my thoughts and my ideas, and then all planet throughout the week, and then just hopefully. Where it was supposed to go. Gaff to just little edges or things stories heard from my friends or things that I've seen the news or Whatever's on my heart that week? Take that little nudge. Forward. What's been one of the biggest blessings of Youtube page? Having having all of the footage of our family and we could never known that we would lose ribs, but we have so much video of him during those last few months in on just so grateful that we had back his while I'm a mom and I take photos and videos all the time. We wouldn't have had all of that and I. I'm just grateful that we're documenting lives in. We'll be able to watch that forever, and they'll be able to watch that forever. So I think I. Think having the time with the family in the footage, Evatt. In just outpouring of love from from our friends in our fans in our family is just debase letting. So I'M GOING TO WRAP UP I. Absolutely, love and Adore your spirit. I think you are one of the brightest lights on this earth and Yoon Grainger are together. You are an incredible couple. You are a shining light guiding force of how to handle tragedy together, and how to walk on and faith, and I think the world needs that more than anything. I hate that you are that you have to be that, but you are that in you are shining such bright light and I just want you know I love and respect you and look up to Meyer you so much and I. Know everyone follows. You does the same. I in every interview with Lear Light. And what do you want people to know? Thank you for saying that I appreciate that so much in October the same way about you. The. Biggest thing I want people to know is that. God loves you and he is with you is with you through everything through the joy through the pain, and you can do hard things. And just to live like. Try to find joy in every day go out barefoot. Run around. Enjoy your family find joy in the small things and just love the people around you fiercely today. In everything joining me. Thank. You that was that was fun. Thank you, you didn't you didn't say anything wrong? There's no right or wrong way to talk about this Grateful that you're allowing me to share, so thank you well I wanted. Have you my podcast that I did not wanNA come on I. Didn't if you WanNa talk about it I don't like you sent. Everyone grieves differently I. Don't know like sharing your story is something that is a healing process. Re I figured it was because you're. Beautiful with sharing. But it is just like it's. It's just such A. Just. You're amazing. You're amazing woman, and thank you for sharing your heart with me in my listeners and. For keeping ribs. Spirit in memory so bright and alive, and anybody can go with the foundation. How do you get to the Ribs Foundation? So at River Kelly Fund Dot, Org and we. We set it up as a fine so that we can help in many areas in the community, so we changed that all the time one time it could be a children's hospitals. One time it could be veterans. One time it could be preventive drowning alive anything, so want to check that out. It's Real Kelly run ductwork. You're amazing amber. Thank you so much money in the reporting bit driving upset. Hey young world, the world is. It is I o seed, the producer of the bachelor show podcast featuring other than myself and. With your favorite Ethiopian. The follow show pockets. PIPPI keeping you in the note with the latest. You'll fair, but celebrities, current events and providing free games ISMI pledge on the top of the town because it's going down the Broiler Marshall Podcast, don't you? Only cover the latest in entertainment, but we're bringing you the entertainment directly from the source. That's right now. Celebrity guests host exclusive interviews those down on the alert show podcast we are number one source for the culture, so like DJ callous says don't ever play is to join the conversation that date head on over to the show and join me for our time me. and. It's offered you from the OCC on the. Show podcast available iheartradio on Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Hi I'm Tom! Colosio Chef Restaurant, her food advocate and the host of the new podcast called citizens chef on iheartradio. People my turn on the news and see the stories about their. Immigration policy our healthcare. Icy. Stories about food. On this podcast will toward the car political climb. Looking for inroads the food wherever we could find them. From the supply chain and we hear the Tyson might be closing another plot Monday in Tennessee Labor Mattis. An executive order on immigration we want American, Septa jobs who on American, said the healthcare. We WanNa take care of our citizens Merson disaster. 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