#74 MINDFULNESS Practicing our Communication Skills with Anne Muhlethaler


Let's do this. Let's talk about topic. Well hello and welcome to talk about talk on your communication coach dr andrea. Please call me andrea whether you're an ambitious exec looking to catapult your career by improving your communication skills or maybe you simply have a strong growth mindset. You're always looking to learn and improve your communication skills or perhaps both well. You're in the right place at talk about talk. We focus on communication skills. Topics like personal branding confidence and networking if you check out the talk about talk dot com website. You'll find online. Corporate training one on one coaching with me online courses. The free weekly communication skills newsletter. And of course the archive of this. Bi weekly podcast. You can choose whatever works for you. Welcome to talk about talk. Episode number seventy four. This is the third of three episodes where we're focusing on practicing our communication skills. And i have to tell you that this miniseries is exceeding my expectations. I can't wait for you to hear this episode but let me back up quickly for a second in number seventy two. I interviewed my friend dr nadine kelley host of the yogi. Md podcast. She's the ideal person to talk to about practicing. She's retired medical doctor. A yoga instructor a podcast and a drummer amongst other things. So nadine thinks a lot about practicing and she shares her wise insights with us about what it means to practice in the most recent episode number seventy three i interviewed robson boundary. The amazing tech entrepreneur. Who shared some of his incredible ideas. About how technology can be used to practice our communication skills and after that conversation i must admit i felt much more optimistic about our future in this final episode. On practicing you'll meet a new friend of mine named and mule taller. You'll learn the definition of mindfulness the benefits of mindfulness and importantly how to be mindful. Whether you're in a heated discussion or perhaps you're in a boring online meeting. And you know you need to re-engage you'll also hear ends unique. Take on how fashion mogul christian. Luebbe leverages mindfulness and intention to fuel his success. All right let's get into this. Let me introduce anti now. And then we'll get right into the interview and then i'll summarize at the end so you don't need to take notes because i did that for you. Just keep doing whatever you're doing driving or walking or housework or whatever all simplify and summarize everything for you at the end and you can always access the episode show notes on the talk about talk dot com website and mule. Taller is the epitome of a modern swiss renaissance woman. By the way these are my words not hers. She's a luxury brand consultant a meditation and mindfulness instructor. A podcast her and she's on a mission to make you better at living. Her practical approach to meditation and breath. Work is grounded in science and strengthened by her extensive knowledge of the pressures of corporate life and worked for christian. Lubaton i in the uk as general manager then in the us in france where she spearheaded global communications for over a decade overseeing all channels including public relations social media content creation real marketing and events as well as wholesale collaboration programs and partnerships nowadays and leads avium consulting a branding and communication consultancy that provides bespoke communication and business development strategies for fashion and luxury brands worldwide. But wait there's more and is also a qualified two hundred hours half of a yoga teacher and a certified mindfulness meditation teacher. Her accessible and practical tools are designed to improve participants capacity to work move. Think and thrive and and is also the founder of out of the clouds a podcast where she teaches explores and discusses the crossroads between business and mindfulness. And i have to say and also has a beautiful voice. As you're gonna hear a moment. Her voice is perfect for podcasting and for singing. Yes of course. She also does and is truly a renaissance woman. Thank you very much for joining us here today to talk about mindful communication so excited to be here. Let's get into this. What is mindfulness mind. Falesa is a term. That's very used. And i feel like a lot of people are confused about. So let's break it down. Mindfulness essentially means maintaining a form of awareness. Moment by moment of our thoughts our feelings are physical sensations and the surrounding environment but the difference that has with awareness for example is that mindfulness has quality of kindness or nurturing. Lens if you wish. One of the best finishes of mindfulness. Meditation was coined by john cabot. He is the founder of 'em bazaar which is called mindfulness based stress reduction program and he comes from a big family of scientists. He was mit before he got introduced to mindfulness and meditation so his definition always stands well against people. Who needs clarity on this like myself. Yeah but this is particularly to the meditation part. So he says and everywhere. It is important in this mindfulness. Meditation is the awareness that arises from paying attention on purpose in the present moment and non judgmental. And i think that what most people do not understand is the unpurposeful part. You can be self aware and not be self aware on purpose true. of course. we're you're being self aware in the moment in the piece. I think took me a lot longer to learn. Is the non judgmental and these four key parts really altogether sum up. What mindfulness meditation is now just to make it clear for everybody who is listening to us. They are to sort of basic pillars of mindfulness. If you wish in terms of practices are the non-formal practices and they are the formal practices so formal practice is seated standing walking or lying down. Meditation occurred all four types are equally as valid as the other so for example i teach groups and i can see. Someone's very fidgety. I encourage them not to be doing the meditation seated but stand and then the informal. Mindfulness practices is to cultivate the state of moment by moment awareness but doing everyday tasks my favorite teacher for. This is tichenor hon. Who's a really famous. But it's virtual thinker and activist and he teaches you to pay attention to eating so mindful eating mindful walking and he has really delightful examples of practicing mindfulness. When you washing the dishes. Listen to the sound of the water. Smell the smells and the kitchen really tap into all of your senses feel the water on your hands and really this is one of the ways that you can feel yourself pro sent rather than just necessarily being in in your mind in your thoughts two thoughts about that. So what is it. It sounds idyllic right. It's almost like pay you feel. Yeah i guess. Yeah feeling the water. It just sounds like essential. And i don't mean sexual. I mean like through the senses. You really really aware of your sense of touch and the temperature and the flow of the water for example as it comes out of the tap in over your hands. The other thing is you were listening some of those contexts for me. Was i hear people talking about being aware of those contexts. When they're diagnosed with a mortal illness right like when they realize they've got a month to live and then suddenly they want to and then they do feel the rain on their face when they go inside. Yes yes absolutely. We are. Oh i would say in our natural state reactive as human beings as animals right with our old limit brain and so. Mindfulness invites us not to live in the limbic brain not to solely be in our minds in our thoughts and yes. You're right one of the keys for me. The one thing that i keep on pulling at is that connection through the body in the senses misunderstood in most types of meditations that are not transcendental per se. So i know that for me for my personal experience in the forty or so years. I've spent on this planet a large part of my life. I wasn't particularly connected to my body and our bodies. While first and foremost they are the gateway to experience seeing this life. I love that. That's a great quote but but they are is through our senses and is largely through our bodies that we experience the world around us not solely but it is the major source of this experience. My teacher tire brought colds. Is the body suit. The space suit that we used to get around cool very cool so the body piece for me is very important and you're right. That is an element of we can really anchor ourselves. In our census to feel present it is one of the easiest ways into the present moment. Okay so before we get into being mindful with our communication. Can you share with us. What the benefits are of mindfulness. There's the obvious stuff. So i also come from a family with a lot of scientists and doctors and i love the studies that have been published in the past twenty or thirty years. There's a lot of them around Less stress so stressed decrease better sleep lowering zaidi levels and more serious diseases obviously chronic back pain. Chronic pain in general is something that can be really very much decreased through the mb. Our program amongst others. I heard that psoriasis. Ibs so in terms of the overall health benefits they are numerous. They are incredibly well researched. And i think it still feels to me like it's early days in terms of the research because each type of practice offers i guess a different types of benefits so i mentioned the broader definitions of mindfulness. What i should say that the pillars in terms of the formal practices of meditation. So the four pillars are mindfulness of breath. Mindfulness of body mind flood of thoughts and emotions. And then what's called. Mindfulness of the constructs of the mind and so these the types of meditations dot. I teach in various classes. Formats that all feed into each other so that we become more intimate and more aware with the sensations in and around our body with the breath. The breath is key and it took me years to figure that out and then the content of our thoughts and emotions and the stories that are constructed in our minds around those okay so the fourth pillar that you mentioned there the contracts of the mind. that's really stories. Yes okay now. Speaking my language but back to the first pillar i keep hearing over and over and over again in all sorts of context of course in terms of our health and medical benefits but just in terms of communication breathing. Really is king. If you're not leveraging breathing for example you're getting up on stage just thinking first about your breath you know. It has such a huge impact on how you feel and then also in how you're perceived well i'd reverse that actually it's almost like if you check what your breath is like will tell you about your state so i would like to encourage everyone in reminding myself of that too that the breath is the language of the nervous system. If you can't inhale if you have trouble exhaling if you feel that your breath pattern is not normal. It's a sign of disruption and one of the great reasons to adopt. Mindfulness practices is essentially. While this. i'm going to tell you the story from from my teacher andy carpenter. Who's an amazing yoga teacher. She's an avid bird watcher. Like she's obsessed with buds kerr and there's some. There's a very similar practice in birdwatching in watching our breath. She was saying that she was taught by this very Let's say seasoned birdman own. We call them who said What you wanna do is you wanna find a spot and you wanna come at the same time every day. It doesn't matter whether you watch five minutes or twenty minutes or an hour. The idea is you want to establish an understanding of the baseline. What is the normal state and in coming back over and over again. You'll then pickup. If something has happened you know if a bird of prey has arrived or any of disruption in the natural environment. And i think that one of the reasons why it is so helpful ensue fascinating even if you only manage for five minutes a day his when you get a sense of the baseline you're going to get a better sense of when you're not feeling okay. And then the next step is the inquiry about what's not okay about the situation. That's the beauty and the real juicy part about mindfulness is we. Don't i love this quote. We don't meditate to become good at breathing or good at meditating. we meditate to get better at life. Oh that's beautiful i love. Isn't it good. I mean we're the first like oh yeah. Of course we knew that but that is just eloquent is perfect. I don't know who said that may have butchered the quote but yeah you get you get the benefit of it. I definitely get the benefit of it. Okay so in your out of the clouds podcast. You say that your topic is at the crossroads between mindfulness and business. So my question is how can listeners. Adopt this mindfulness in their business or at work. So i was reflecting the other day because i was graduating from this two year course. Our teacher invited us at the end to say if you had only one last opportunity to teach if were to teach only one more time what would you talk about why. I know it was not ready for that. And i think that's what i would say. It's the same about business or about life i. I would cultivate loving kindness or self kindness. Which is one of the compassion practices that you get taught alongside mindfulness of the body. Because i we need to be kind to ourselves. It's not just enough to be aware of the content of our thoughts. It's also important for us to be kind to ourselves. A lot of us. Most of us have difficult. Inner dialogue particularly around work around performance and so and this is amplified in an environment. Where hard work and business is celebrated right one hundred percent so the first piece i would say is incredibly important for everyone is to first to look after your inner dialogue self kindness and self compassion. It's almost like this principle of our oxygen mask on first right you cannot look after others. Well if you're not looking after yourself first and so for me. I think it's the most essential now more specifically when we are at work. The biggest thing is to learn to pause so when we establish a baseline and noticed some things going wrong. We need to pause. We need to stop. One of the difficulties is that the more stressed we are the more reactive we become and so essentially the biggest gift we can give ourselves is when we find ourselves to be reactive when we find ourselves not being our best selves or showing up in our best light is to take a break. Good to the lou. Sorry good to the anything that you can do to just remove yourself and just take a breath right right. I think that one of the biggest things that we can learn to do is to step away when you find yourself in reactive mode when you see that there's a big trigger that's happened. Give yourself from five minutes to twenty four hours until you choose to respond so you need to be able to brush it off before you can engage. Yeah absolutely these stress triggers. That's what you want to call. Them are not just affecting her mind. They're affecting our whole body. Yes at men that impacts what we up communicating and sending back out in the world and don't want to be on autopilot when that happens absolutely so i would say the third piece of advice. I would have to say for business or work. It's remembering our intention Sometimes we can be petty or we do something we don't even know why maybe it's actually because we're hungry or thirsty or tired and it has nothing to do with the person in front of us. Yeah so i would encourage everyone to actually write this like right intention on a poster and stick that in the center of your computer screen or put it on the mirror in your bathroom and a few times a day. Remember your actual intention before you send an email before you have a conversation. Because i think most of the time again because we are used to being in a place of reactivity we forget what is the underlying intention of what it is that we're doing to be honest with you. I have to practice this every day several times. A day to make it feel like it's taking a dent in my reactivity and i'm pretty chilled compared to most people. Wow so the brains. Exploding right now. You're wealth of tak- polls. I haven't used the term intention. But i have been talking about this and dare i say preaching this in a variety of communication contexts. So for example. Small talk maybe you're at a networking conference in your meeting. People for the first time in your feeling awkward. One of the tactics that i encourage people to do is to take a step back. Think strategically about what your purposes in other words as you would say. What's your intention here andrea. You're encouraging them to be mindful exact taking a step back as a metaphor for posing right right and more recently. I've been coaching people on how to prepare to be more productive in meetings where you're leading or participating in meeting whether it's in real life around a boardroom table or whether it's online and one of the things that i encourage people to do is at the top of your meeting agenda write down what your personal objective is for the meeting in other words. Put your intention for participating in this meeting. Right absolutely That's exactly what it is. So we've got kindness. We've got pausing and we've got focusing attention Do you have any other free. Works or other ways that we can just remind ourselves to be more mindful. Yeah of course so. These are again considered more informal size of mindfulness. So intention would be first but the second one. There's a great acronym that really spells it out when you find yourself to be not placed. Something's wrong the acronym stop so s is for stop and put things down for a minute whether you take a break. Leave the room. Go to your balkany. If that's where. I can do my home or you go around the block. Just put things down and step away occur in t. Stands for take a few deep breaths as i was saying before the breath is the language the nervous system so taking what is often called square breath four counts in a four counts out. There was a great way to calm yourself if you can take a few deep cycles of breath for people who aren't particularly anxious like really you're triggered by something. Bigger even recommend the goal is to make out breath slower. Let's say that you breathe in for two or three or four. You breathe out for six. Seven eight occur appeared of time the show for observe. This is the inquiry moment observe. What are the thoughts the ordering three mind. What are the emotions. And what is going on through your body. So it's internal observation exactly okay and then hoping that by then you have found some levels of steadiness piece dams precede so you get back to the person in front of you. This is not a tactic to deal with trauma. This is more of a day to day framework. There's another one which is even more simple and you can try to put this in your calendars you can practice it every day. It's called two feet one breath and essentially. It does the same job of anchoring us into the present moment so if you wanna close your eyes and try it with me. Sure so. I'm going to ask you first to feed into your left foot and stop pressing into the floor present to the floor and maybe wiggle your toes and fill your foot around whatever covering it and now i'm going to ask you to feel into the right. Maybe we'll around and then you push down and get a sense of the steadiness under the surface and release it then take a deep breath in and a deep breath out grounding practice to just make us feel more in the present moment. How did that feel. I feel so chill now. I really great right. I'm wearing really comfy socks. So that was a nice experience for me to go put on some more comfy sox after this. Wow yeah so wow so. Let's talk about mindfulness in other communication contexts. So for example. If you're in a meeting something that may be relevant to a lot of listeners. Say you're in a really boring zoom meeting and you know you gotta pay attention. Do you have any ideas or recommendations for how people can successfully become more mindful or to reap the benefits of becoming more mindful in this boring online meeting. Context schorr essentially. I would recommend to try and give your whole attention to the person who's speaking and what i mean by that is try to cultivate this state of presence without judging without commentary and without engaging in what possible response you're going to bring really try to simply take in what the other person is saying. So as you were describing. That i was thinking of the word absorbing. So you're really absorbing the verbal communication in the non verbal communication and really. That's listening right. Oh absolutely harder than we give it credit for. I mean listening. Is i call it a superpower. It is probably the super power of communication before we to something else. I just wanted to go back to this word non-judgmental you send for you. It's one of the hardest things in as you're describing now for me. I'm realizing that's got to be one of the most challenging parts of being mindful. Do you have any advice on how we can be less judgmental. Yeah ben starting to have a practice of mindfulness of thought and emotions you. I need to become a little bit more intimate with the content of urine thoughts while others. Don't wanna do it because it's a bit scary him there sometimes and i think it's important to be aware because you'll end up being able to group sorts together you'll be like. Oh yeah that's planning mind or ooh that's judgment mind and you'll see that there are some areas in off thoughts. Come back right. I think it's important to be aware of your internal critic your inner critic in order to be able to not nece- silence it but i think the best advice i've heard the important thing about the inner critic is to recognize that generally it's there to point out something so maybe it's a that you're gonna fail or it's the voice of different things that could be in your life on your past and i think that one of the ways to stop being judgmental as to stay saito self. Thank you i hear you. I don't feel this is an issue helpful right now but thank you for pointing this out to me so one way to think about it is that you don't want to judge the judger exactly more to the point. You don't want to resist because we've all heard it. What resist persists. And so the more you yell at the less likely it is to go away. It could also just be assault. I don't know if you've ever heard this but not all of our thoughts are worthwhile and some of them are fake news. Some of them are just thoughts. So you wanna be aware of the content and decide for yourself whether it's just a passing thought or whether it's got energy to it and then going towards that negative energy instead of resisting it looking at it in acknowledging it almost as if it was a part of your brain like scared or anxious. An- is rearing her head because she wants to protect me from failure so in order to do that she's going to try and keep me from doing certain things because they're scary or they're exposing or they're vulnerable and so in a lot of the things that we do. That are not the norm where we extend ourselves when we want to change things are in a critic is going to be very vocal because essentially back a few millennia or before that change meant potential death. So i think it's a. It's an ancient mechanism to keep us safe and keeping us safe often keeps us small. So that's one of the reasons. Why examining the content of our thoughts and becoming friendly with our inner critic is such an important and worthwhile experiment. I am so glad that i asked you. Not question helps immensely. So i'd love to shift gears just for a minute before. We get to the five rapid fire questions. And i just wanted to point out to the listeners. In case it's not obvious to them just from listening to you that you are a modern renaissance woman and i. I mentioned this to you when we were offline. But you've got your meditation in your mindfulness practice your yoga singing your digital marketing and you also have a career in luxury branding. Which to me is just so fascinating and i'm wondering. Is there a link between luxury brands in mindfulness. I think there is the brand. I worked out for. Seventeen years is christian. Lubaton the red sold King king of shoes. Yeah i think that his was always for me an example of intentional at least towards what he wanted for his company his teams. He's interactions with people. He's interactions with his fans the consistency with which he talked about everything that touched his work. There was always an incredibly clear intention around everything. He always wanted women's legs to look amazing. So if you ever come to him and complained that you're not comfortable in his shoes. I think he'll sleep well at night saying yes but i may. I made excellent great so there was a great sense of integrity about his purpose. I would say there's a more recognizable sense of purpose and integrity with a number of the luxury brands that i worked closely with. I discovered not the luxury brands that unicef we know or see in a big mole but i worked with a lot of beautiful amazing small businesses. That really work at the top of luxury but darnest not mislead very well known and these also have a very strong sense of what they stand for. And i think that i see this as a form of mindfulness. If you can remember to treat your clients and your vendors and you staff the same way. I didn't think that this is where this this question was going to go. But i have to say. I'm thrilled because lately. I've been obsessing on the topic of personal branding when you're describing lieutenant his vision for his firm as he said not the brand but his firm and the consistency and clarity through which heat communicated the integrity of his intentions right with all stakeholders so that. It was recognizable. This is branding right. This is personal branding. And then these tokens i. E the shoes that he's creating in manufacturing become part of other people's personal brand and they signal the integrity and the quality absent he was obsessing on. Wow that is so cool. What an incredible experience. It sounds like you had working for him. But i have to say i bet you not. Everybody who was in your shoes would have been self aware enough to understand into perceive that his personal brand was per meeting your values. I mean that's that's a pretty heavy layer of self awareness. I think well that's very very good point. You're making so. Here's the thing. I was exposed to him a lot but also i was his pr from years. That means i was with him in interviews and sometimes it was a week of interviews in dubai or in tokyo and hong kong than shanghai so But i want to just add one more story that i think is a huge linked to mindfulness for me years ago. I had this theory. That christian had a stronger in a voice than other people. I said this out loud to people and as it turns out. I realize it's not that he had a stronger. Inner voice. he just listened to it. More and i think this is something that we can all benefit from being mindful of your own bodies reactions. When you're not sure about a choice you want to make reading the signals when our minds are clouded. Oftentimes our bodies can give us a clue as to whether to make left or right or say. Yes or no yeah. They say the body doesn't lie. Yes absolutely true okay. Let's move on to the five rapid fire questions. Are you ready. Yes first question. What are your pet peeves. i like miss. I like a really clean harmonious balanced environment. And it's really funny. Because if when i was younger i figured that if i would ever get attached to it would be the word harmeet at the time. It's because i was a singer and i love harmonies vocal harmonies turns out actually just like harmony as a as a whole and i hate a messy environment. That may answer the second question. Which is what type of learner. Are you visual auditory. Kinesthetic or some other kind of murder. I a mix. Because i want to say that i mean really big auditory learner. I feel like i retain information so well through sound. But i need my environment to be clean as much as clean as possible to be neat or it's not a frequent obsessive thing at all. It's more that it's like a disturbance at the back of my nervous system and i won't retain as much if i don't feel like the environment is relatively balanced that make sense with you on that for three introvert or extrovert a hap- enthusiastic introvert confuses a lot of people. Okay question number. Four communication preference for personal conversations. I text which when you're in europe means what's up mostly what's up and instagram messaging. One of the things i discovered. I really like about texting particularly around the trickier relationships with people that you don't know what to say to or they offer this opportunity to pause naturally true. It's a mechanism that really works for me. Last question is there a podcast blogger email newsletter thing you find yourself recommending most lately lately. I've been talking quiet. Not about deep work. The podcast by counterpart had a book for deep work. Another one i really really like is the being well. Podcast by rick and forest hansen. So rick hansen is actually a phd in neuro physiology from correct and. He was one of the teachers who guest teachers in my course than he came to talk to us about neural plasticity. And i'm a geek. I loved it last one is it's always good but she's also just like the best of you're ever it's debbie millman design mata's by debbie millman. She's schussed that. I think she's amazing. Okay well i will put links to all of those in shouts. Thank you so much for your time in all of your insights and i can tell you. I'm really inspired to be more mindful and approach so many aspects of my life including communication. But beyond that with intention thank you so much thank you. It was such a pleasure to talk to you as always. Wow what a great conversation. Thanks so much to an mule taller. I loved how at the end after sharing such keen insight about mindfulness and also shared her experiences from what she worked at. Christie's lieutenant she highlighted. How christian has uncommon intention and a stronger inner voice than most people and that his success may be attributed to not only that but also the fact that he listens to his strong inner voice. Incredible i to say that with those last comments and truly revealed her status as a modern renaissance woman. Right there now as promised. I'm going to briefly summarize episode. We covered a lot. Didn't we. But i think i can categories most of the learnings as the definition of mindfulness the benefits of mindfulness. And then how we can be mindful. Okay i the definition of mindfulness and started by saying that. Mindfulness means maintaining a form of awareness. Moment by moment of our thoughts our feelings are physical sensations and the surrounding environment and the difference between mindfulness and say awareness is. Mindfulness has equality of kindness or as an says a nurturing lens. Mindfulness meditation is the awareness that arrives from paying attention on purpose in the present moment and non-judgmental and all of these elements are required here paying attention on purpose in the present and non-judgmental so mindfulness practices can be non-formal like when we're in a boring meeting and we suddenly need to make an effort to re engage but mindfulness practices can also be formal which can be seated standing walking or lying down. The four main pillars of. Mindfulness are mindfulness of breath. Mindfulness of body. Mindfulness thoughts and emotions and mindfulness of the constructs of the mind. Do you got that breath. Body thoughts emotions and constructs of the mind when it comes to that first element. Mindfulness of breath. You can think of breath as the language of the nervous system. I love that. And for mindfulness of body i also loved what an said she said. Our body is first and foremost our gateway to experiencing this life and if it helps we can think of our body as a suit a body suit like a spacesuit that we use to get around okay moving on to the benefits of mindfulness. The most important point to keep in mind here is that we don't meditate to become good at breathing or good at meditating. we meditate to get better at life. Got that so. What are the benefits of mindfulness then. Well let's start with stress management. That's a big one. There's also improved sleep lower anxiety levels and decreased onset of disease beyond the mental and biological benefits of mindfulness. there's also improved communication. Oh yeah that's why we're here right well. So for example. Mindfulness can help us become less reactive. Mindfulness teaches us to pause. And when we pause we are better communicators. That reminds me of ann's point about the benefit of using texting for communication. We can pause when we text right. That's true i hadn't thought of that. Okay moving on to the last category how to be mindful and was very prescriptive here about the significance of our inner dialogue paying attention to our self talk. So show up with kindness and compassion. Be aware of your inner critic to silence it necessarily but recognize it. What's it pointing out to you. It might be completely unnecessary or it might even be categorically false like fake news but it also might be your subconscious trying to identify something so. Try not to be judgmental. Just say to yourself. Thank you i hear you and i'm moving on. So we can be mindful by being kind to ourselves by acknowledging our inner critic and moving on. But there's also pausing as i just mentioned being less reactive and then there's also focusing on intention and i've spoken about this in many other episodes in terms of asking ourselves. What is my purpose here. What is goal. These are important questions to be asking ourselves if we want to communicate with purpose. Alright and shared three frameworks for we can be more mindful in various contexts. And i just want to briefly. Summarize those for you now. The first is if you're in a meeting and your mind's wandering you know what i'm talking about when you catch yourself daydreaming and suggest giving your whole attention to the person who's speaking cultivate a sense of presence physically and mentally without judging and without commentary the second tactic the two feet one breath framework can help you with this a lot. I tried it as you heard and it really works. So you've lost focus. Think i two feet one breath so sit or stand straight on cross your arms and feet and your feet are planted firmly on the ground then focus on one singular foot and then shift your focus to your other foot and then to your breath particularly elongating. You're out breath and when you get through that you'll feel grounded last and suggests that when we feel out of control think the acronym stop s is for stop and put things down for a minute just pause t stands for take a deep breasts and goal again is to make the out breath slower the oh stands for observe. This is the inquiry moment observe. What are your thoughts. And what's going through your mind and then p. stands for proceed. So you've stopped. You've taken some deep breaths and you've observed you're ready to proceed so you can get back to the person in front of you now. I'm gonna leave you with this one last thought from an she said quote in a lot of things that we do. That are not the norm where we extend ourselves when we want to change things are inner critic is going to be very vocal. Because essentially back a few millennia. Change meant potential death sore. Inner critic kept us safe and keeping us safe often keeps us small. So that's one of the reasons. Why examining the content of our thoughts and becoming friendly with our inner critic is such an important and worthwhile experiment. Here's the thing we don't wanna live small. Thanks again to an for such an amazing conversation. You can learn more from an if you check out her out of the clouds. Podcast all right. That's it. I hope you enjoyed these. Three back to back episodes focused on practicing our communication skills. You can find links to these episodes as well as the show notes with the summaries and transcripts all on the talk about talk dot com website. While you're there. I really hope you'll sign up for the talk about talk newsletter. If you're not already this is your chance to get free communication skills. Coaching from me. Every week in a simple to digest. Email i promise. No spam and no more than one per week. Just go to talk about talk dot com to sign up or email me directly. It'll add you to the list. You can email me anytime that andrea at talk about talk dot com. Thanks for listening and talk soon.

Coming up next