Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-20-20


Hey what's going on? Its Bill Burr. And it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcasts. And just checking in on you just seeing your weeks go and doing all Jesus. That's great I just got home and on the long fucking day work my fucking balls off work and work and work and so I'm not going to S- out Wednesday evening on my way up to fuck in Vancouver Vancouver British Columbia you know. My bruins are on a west coast trip right now. I I caught the third period of a great game against Edmonton Edmonton's. Oh let me tell you who they got a tough team but will let me tell you. They're tough team They played great despite the fact that Kassian is suspended and Connor mcdavid is hurt. So we were able to took us all the way into overtime to get two points. They got one point They're just fucking great. I really like that team. I liked that team. A lot and You know can you really say you beat the oilers? If both those players are out. I don't think you can you know what I mean? One of the best goal scorers in the league and I don't think anybody kicks somebody with the skate on better than Kassian so I mean I think we got off easy ever seen a guy kicking on the guy with the skate on. It's been a wild scene. It accidentally APP longtime ago. There was a Brunei just flanked on his fucking name. Fuck was his name. I WANNA see ended up finishing his career with San Jose. It was his freak play. He was in the front of the net and somebody cross-checked I wanNA see the Randy Burgess Steve Kasper in in the chest in hit him so hard that is his feet came up and he basically kicked. This guy can't believe I can't remember his name. Fuck was like thirty years ago. Kicked him right in the fucking mouth and the guy ended up getting a gash that when like right through his mouth was closed. So the scar was above his mouth through the lips. And then below is fucking. It was like a Freddy Kruger Slash. But it was with skates. The fuck was that guy's name. Dave read I think was the guy longtime ago longtime ago at the old Boston Garden. It's still bugging me that I had darn Gavin on and I found out at the end of the podcast that he was at the Celtics Games. You know from the very beginning. The late fifties when there was nobody there and it was. Bill Russell and Bob cousy and all that so. I'm definitely an accent. My go to Boston GonNa try to reach out to Don Gavin and get them back on and just talk fucking hoop and what it was like. He was like in the Boston Garden. I guess it was still already an old building but I think he was there when it was like when I went it was they had paint the inside like that. Bruins yellow kind of thing and then Back in the day. If you see the bobby your mother's Day goal that they had it was white the inside of it was white so I don't just all dumb shit like that. I WANNA ask him all about that that he sneak in because I was a big thing that people knew how to sneak into that venue and all of that shit anyway. Big Win for the Bruins. They've won ten of the last eleven They're just they're they're they're playing great tonight. You know like I said that was a hurt slash suspended Edmonton team but You know they pushed us around a little bit. We were pushing back. Which is good. We got to do more of that. Got To do more of that because it seems like they let that go during the During the playoffs and anyway I'm going to do some shows coming up and speaking of shows one of my favorite comics of all time and people. We did a special with him. All things comedy did Edwards. He's got some standup dates. You really gotta catch this Guy Man. He's one of the best out there and He's a he's gone the Rodeo what's he got coming up. He's Got Springfield Missouri February Twenty First Twenty Second Tampa Florida March twelfth and the Fifteenth in Calgary Alberta March Twenty Fifth and twenty eight and this is why you haven't heard of Ian Edwards because not only because he is a brilliant meeting but the man stinks at the business he sends me this fucking thing. It says upcoming dates Tampa Florida. There's like three fucking comedy clubs Ian With A fucking Jesus Christ. Let me look it up. I swear to God fucking great comics. I know who just stink at the Business Ian Edwards Live let's see what we get here. Very is Edwards comedian. All right. Let's see what happens when we click on. Let's see let's this is classic. The classic terrible at Fuck in this business in such a fucking brilliant comedian alright fucking even on his website Springfield Missouri Tampa. Let's see where is he in Tampa although it is side splitters? He's doing the Blue Room in Springfield Missouri February twenty first. He's at side splitters. Bobby Gills join if I remember correctly in Tampa Florida march twelfth through the fifteenth. He's at the laugh. Shop in Calgary Alberta March twenty-fifth th through the twenty eighth and then he's got the comics lounge in Melbourne Australia on April Sixteenth and on Monday April Twentieth Teams in Sydney Australia at the Sydney Comedy Festival. Just fucking amazing comedian. Who needs to learn how to promote himself? God Damn It anyways. I love that guy. So that's it was a big fucking presidential democratic debate tonight. I didn't watch it. I watched hockey instead. I did watch a couple of eclipse and I quickly saw. Why did want to watch it because it's just people yelling at each other? I don't know what you know. Politics is always been filthy but at least they they used to listen to each other talk little bit just fucking sitting there yelling at each other then. Bloomberg said that dumb thing that everybody says you know cobby doesn't didn't work it failed. It's just like it's not the type of government all governments fail because people run them and people are pieces of Shit. That's what the problem is not socialism. It's not capitalism communism. All Forms of government would work if everybody was honest in played by the rules. But nobody does. That's what happens. That's why with every fucking country every fucking former government any type of prosperity or any of that. There's a beginning a middle an end because eventually it fucking goes away. It starts off with a great idea. You know a every man for himself or hey. Let's all work together. Whatever the fuck it is it. Does well forbid it and then what happens. Is the people get power and then they keep getting more and more power when it gets more and more corrupt more and more corrupt than either fails people rebel against it but it is not. It is not the format because people were sitting there. You go sitting there. Going Communism failed. It's like capitalism failed capitalism. Failed if you fucking look at it honestly if you fuck and sit there and look at this country and you're going to honestly say that it's fucking working. I mean we're all sitting there and not looking at the fucking twenty trillion dollars Zillion fucking dollars in debt that we are elephant in the room. We're not looking at the fuck fact that there's a private corporation prints are money and there's nothing behind it but just we're all just fucking drive in ninety three million miles an hour the left lane trying to get to our fucking brass ring before we turned into a fucking Pumpkin. That's what the fuck is going on. I think and I don't know shit but I can see that coming from fucking mile away. Yeah it's it's I don't know I don't know we just keep fucking doubling down tripling down on it so as far as I. My My My I don't know what's he trying to say. Hip built the amount of time. That I've been alive okay. What has happened to like when I was a kid like I remember like the fucking Milkman. Could have a stay at home mom. I mean wife right to watch the fuck and kids. He made enough Fuckin- money in all of that. I don't know what it just all fucking went away. People had good jobs and there was like a middle class. And you could. Just you know you weren't broke. You weren't filthy rich but you could fuck and have a house and all of that shit ain't GonNa come in come on in because we have to talk about you becoming an art dealer here in all of that is kind of fucking gone away and I know that. There's I guess. Now the way to go from being in the middle class to getting to the upper classes you gotta become a Youtube Star or something. I don't know anyways way over my head. I'm talking about different forms of government and acting like I know what I'm talking about and what's great is. This is a one person debate. So there's nobody to shout me down here. Oh God is that the energy. We're going to bring here all right. We got one microphone speaking of Communism Socialism. We're going to sit here and share it as opposed to capitalism. You'd have fucking. They have as many microphones you could possibly. Yep and they'd all look like lollipops in the fat fucks would try to eat so NIA You're into art. I'm not into art. Yes you speak into the MIC. Come over here. That's right that's correct. So what does that mean like? What what exactly. So you invest in art so when you invest in art you take your money and you say hey you see that art over there i WanNa give you this for that and then you take that thing right and you stick it on your wall okay and then you wait for the person who painted it to die as far as I can tell and then you go. Hey you know that cow just died. He's never going to scribble devil on that piece of paper anymore and I have one that he fucking drew all over. You want to buy it. 'cause the guy's dead he's never gonNA drug in. That means. This thing's worth something no I don't. I don't think that that's what you do all the time. But you invest in it. Yes and artists. How do you invest? How do you know what is the scribbles? Well I mean ideally. You'd have someone who is familiar with that world that can help guide you and sort of curate your taste and find stuff that Senator Hill. How do you plan to build your art collector name? Who would you say the top five artists are right? Now that I don't know I'm not that I'm not that smart about art. So so how exactly? Are you going to invest in this? You seem to know less about art than I do about forms of government. But you know I have someone that that can help me do all that would that be a broker neo. No how do they make their money? Nia by telling you that that scribbled dibble's worth a bunch of fucking money. Yeah they take a commission off of like so you don't know anything about you can't even name the top people who are fucking who can take a bucket of paint throw it fucking bedsheet artists out there. I don't who is a million fucking teams out there? I mean there's a million fucking hockey players the NHL can fucking touch the top players. Well I'm still learning so I couldn't tell you that right now but I can tell you what I like and when I don't make and so what point do you say. Is this worth buying. Do you think this artists has you know. I don't know it's worth investing in whatever their other absolutely do you're like the third person who's walked into girly to over here trying to clown shit. You need to understand. There's there's a three Oh snap. There's a three pronged situation. One you get a piece of art to elevate your home one secondly to secondly it's your personal enjoyment of the P. Is a piece that speaks to you. Something that looks beautiful something that resonates with you personally heard doing bill hater doing Keith. More A and thirdly you know we're setting up our child to have something so if God forbid you know something happened. Zombie shows up. She throws the art at them or she sold it beforehand and so she can get Yes that's that's it right. You know what Nia I'm no I'm not gonNA question anymore. That sounds like a solid plan. He said sarcastically. Oh are you being sarcastic shits already in the work so you can be sarcastic all day. But it's happening. That's that's not how this relationship works. It's not did you talk about this morning. They talk about this morning now because for all that I'm getting a pizza fucking were going to get a piece. I WanNa let you by the stupid scribble devil. Yeah I think so. Are you going to follow now? I I've been working a lot. You'd definitely have been so freckles. Get confused confused. Oh he was so confused on what day today was what did you think it was. I thought it was. I thought today which is Wednesday when we're recording this. I thought it was Tuesday. You're right so I was like well. This is great on work my ass. I'M GONNA work my ass off today. Day Tuesday oh the old second day of the week if you start on Monday pick what what is the first day of the week Sunday. It is Sunday. I thought Sunday's Day arrest and as but it's I think it's supposed to be considered the start of the week. I don't think so because God work for six days and on the Seventh Day rusted. Yeah I mean if you're GonNa want that whole thing but I also heard that that whole thing that whole religion thing. It's supposed to be Sundays. I consider it Monday but apparently it's actually Sunday my boy Joel. Osteen's coming out here to Ontario Canada Ontario Canada on -Tario California. I'm tired near come on. I WanNa fuck and take an edible. Go to that thing with Bert Kreischer and I just want to sit there and listen this guy. Nothing but positive shit for an hour escorted. I'm not I'm not heckling. I know you won't be heckling. You'll be sitting there giggling like little schoolgirls and you're going to get asked to leave sir. Can you please wave your disturbing the others? Everyone would be all talk about when he walked on water. Man I won't I I actually. I'm on the road when he's out here so I can't go but anyway. The man fascinates me okay any performer. That can make enough money to buy their own fucking arena in their hometown and sell it out every weekend. I don't give a shit. What do you got to respect that? I write but you know I told you about how he turned away. Those people when the hurricane happened he wouldn't let them into the church. Eighty and what those fads rolling around his fucking electric blue carpeting. Spend that money on. GotTa stop it with the Fatchett. That's not nice. I don't need to stop. What do you mean that's not nice? What about my tax dollars? All these people eating bacon double cheeseburgers being called heroes and then all the money flies out of my wallet. I watched the debates. I know what's going on you talking about every time. A fatty eats a fucking Sunday. You and I have to work Monday to pay for his triple bypass I am an asshole in. You know what they're eating all the ice cream up Excuse me have you seen yourself when I when we buy ice cream in this house you hoes that shootdown hose it down. How's it what is it the white people say you housed it? What is it you you people say? I don't know about eating really fast or something like house it. I don't know that's something I've heard white guys say all right well. I'm not familiar with that one. Whenever there is ice cream in this house you eat the whole fucking thing in one sitting. But it's like a pint. It doesn't matter you showed no yes. Those people eat gallons look at me. I'm in shape. I'm in my fifties and I still have a flat fucking stomach act like you're not a glutton yourself just because you're skinny doesn't mean that you're not a fucking gluttonous. Hey I'm a fucking boo sound and I laid off it okay. Wasted start fucking pulling these fads over and give them a fucking ice cream breathalyzer and sammy cookies and cream. They hid trying to be on your soapbox as if you're some kind of like model of like health and moderation 'cause you're not so stop it get back to the story about this morning. Wait a minute how come. They don't have roadblocks. When you fucking a girl scout cookies the way you just go at those thin Mints Your Thin Mints you not. I've seen you eat practically an entire sleeve of them. Yeah I know because I keep waiting for it to get good at doesn't girl Scout Finnan. Suck at you. Want those coconut once. You want the coconut once. You want the tag along. The peanut butter wants with the chocolate on time. Who peanut butter belongs on Toast? Non fucking cookies. What you're crazy. Peanut butter belongs on Toast. People who know how to make peanut butter tastes go with chocolate. Other wonderful people over the wonderful EMINEM EMINEM's doesn't Oughta do it. You're the equivalent of peanut butter on toast. You're the Maas like fucking thing ever. You think you're so special like peanut butter on toast like big fucking deal. Oh I didn't say it was a gourmet. I just says where it belongs right anyway. Can you talk about this morning? I WanNa talk about fat people starting to like have the same terror that booze hounds have when they leave a bar and get behind the wheel car. How many fat people have heart attacks while driving trucks for Amazon every month? I don't know what you're talking I don't either but I'm saying it in a serious tone that will make people sit up and take notice. Yeah no you you are. You're nobody to talk about anybody who's lost control so I don't WanNa hear from you. We talking about every time I left the booze you go. Jesus Christ Avid Drake does. Because you're annoying and you're like wow that's awesome. Can you please just do something to relax? You're not bothering me. All right so you at least agree that I've been working my ass off this month right Borkum. I 's okay so I thought this morning was Tuesday morning so I'm like cool man like I'm going to work my ass off today. Get home hang out with my kid. My lovely wife right and then tomorrow. I'm just GonNa fucking chill man and then the car's going to pick me up and I'm going to get on a plane like five in the afternoon and then I woke up this morning at five thirty in the morning I was like. Hey wait a minute man. It's Wednesday and I have to go to Vancouver where the Fox my passport. I need the pack. I gotta go down to this fucking thing and Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. And all this shit so I know what to do so I 'cause my show starts is Thursday night so mealy going all right. I'll change my flight. I don't fucking do I don't know Blah Blah Blah so I started packing and then we tried to find my passport which of course we could not me up in the process so I wake up. I'm sleeping soundly. Also soundly to five thirty in the fucking morning and this one goes near me. I'm like what is Sydney. I'm sorry do you know where my passport is did you? I don't remember that point. I just remember you going. I screwed up and screwed up. Did you like flying Vancouver tonight and I was like okay. Bivary possible fucking thing. That could have happened happened. Couldn't find the fucking passport and then right to help you. Let me try to figure it out. We looked here. We look there. We looked everywhere you had to leave. I kept looking. You found it. I was at work. You mentioned that you mentioned messenger in my Messenger messengered it over and then I get it and then I get it up and then I get it I got it. And then they found out that the fuck and the passport is going to expire in the next couple of months. And unless you know unless it's you can't fuck it on a plane unless it's fucking six months out and it's like well then it fucking. It's already expired. You can't S- so I didn't know that boost funny everybody. Everybody was working today. They all fucking knew that you can't do that. And it goes since when they go since forever ago all right so I guess that's on me back and forth back and forth lump fucking story short. I'm I'm flying up there tomorrow. I'm landing and I'm running from the fucking airport. It all worked out all worked up because you were there for me. I'll always be dead and then and then you've messenger mess message. I can't say that word and everything was Cool and club Soda Kenny. You and club Soda. Can't fucking team bill burr. Making sure that you got what you needed when you needed it so that the train can keep on or did you just do what any wife back in the day would have done before you guys all became victims slash heroes. I mean you. Basically you will Wilma Flintstone for one fucking day. Well mom coming through the door. Where's my Bra Burger? You've finally had it fucking prepared and now to pay you back. I gotta go by of fucking something. That doesn't even look like a poodle but is a poodle. I The fuck of all. It has nothing to do you. Police say that again. I The fuck OFAN has nothing to do with any of that. I was being a good partner to you period point blank and has nothing to do with anything. It's is it period or point blank or is it period point blank university. Said I love. You always fucks up the expressions. What he goes. I'm trying to have a bunch of projects in the fire. Percy irons in the fire if you projects during the fire your projects are on fire which means there is steaming pile of Shit. He just laughed. He goes you know what the fuck I'm trying to say. I don't know I fuck up. He fucks up expressions and then I fuck up. Famous people like we were in a range of movies. He will never let me live this down. I said I we were at a range of game. I I I go George Stephanopoulos George. Stephanopoulos was he looked to open. It was Jeff Gordon Stock car driver but they look alike. But you do that on purpose to. You're always doing random people you'll be like oh my and blakely junior and I do that as a joke. I know that that's not him on the bicycle. Random person for you freaking out of. That's why it's so funny because like you know but George Step. I thought that was George stepping-up Madison Square Garden. I knew it was a famous guy. Okay show yield. I know you did something. I've seen you on something things you choose not to pay attention to and versus. The things you choose to remember is so funny to me because it's like who? Who will we talking to and he said to me after you had left this guy who was like wow. Your husband knows a lot about sports and I was like yeah. He's a he goes no but he's like dates. And you know different events at different times I was like. Oh yeah ask him where the fucking batteries are in our house under the bus. I know where the batteries are in the House on the fucking guy changes everything. What are you talking about? I take the fucking garbage out crush crush it. No if you fucking tell me that. Hey next Thursday. We're doing something. I'm not going to remember that. And when the thing happens you WanNa get mad at me? Even though I've told you like Christ me I don't remember my problem. I told you so. It's like but still I asked him. How have to bear the brunt of your like forgetfulness. And I'm Mike Remember. That thing is happening doll. And I'm like Jesus Christ. Will you have a drink? See ALL COMES FROM BILL CIRCLE TERRIBLE. Yeah. That's her daughter's new thing sweeter finish you gotta finish your vegetables because terrible are I need to. I need to read needs to read some advertising here all right so verdict. The am I a good person. Yes you are a good person. Okay all right so okay so you did something. Nice for me so now you have to buy this fucking piece of art that somehow we're gonNA make money off of in case you know. I say the wrong thing on twitter all my God. I can't believe you said that. Thank God we have this bucket of paint that was thrown at this fucking bed sheep and is now hanging on our wall we can. We can take a second loan on off of this and we can eat fucking Alpo this week the in the chance that you get canceled. I got A. I've got a backup plan. Yeah but if I get cancelled you're going to have to leave me because you'll be attached to me like just to let you know. This artwork is fucking enough the fact that they let eight hairy leg white chicks go around just canceling everybody out there. I think that's beyond the privilege that even I have that burning house at dumpster fire. All right legalzoom everybody legalzoom. It's still early in the year. But if you run a small business you know. Twenty twenty will fly by. That's why you should use legalzoom right now to make sure your setup for success over the past nineteen years legalzoom has helped more than two million. Americans start their businesses by incorporating former Korean forming an LLC and more but even after your business is set up legalzoom can still help you out with a lot more things like lease agreements change changing tax laws and reviewing contracts. All play a part in running your own business. These are precisely the kinds of costly hurdles. They can take time away from growing your business. Don't let that happen. 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First two thousand eighteen when wilder retained his title via split draw after theory miraculously rose from a twelfth round knockout to finish the fight. It's one of the most memorable moments in heavyweight history and has raised the historical stakes heading into the rematch. February twenty-second don't Miss Historic night. Live from Las Vegas Saturday nine PM Eastern Six Pacific. Buy It now on pay per view. Right Oh my God look look. What is near this? These are my favorite fucking people in the world. Butcher Bucks steak. That's the first line I crush. It is any culinary occasion. More delicious parentheses spoiler alert. The answer is no talk about your method for cooking a steak. Well you know what I actually give it to my wife. I Cook a hell of a stake. She does cook a hell of a steak too but she doesn't Cook that often. So I know in the state comes out. I'm like all right have at it. I don't appreciate that shade thrown in. That wasn't necessary near you like you like what's the thing. I don't fucking do this often but when I do. What DOES THAT AD CAMPAIGN? I don't I don't always drink Seki's but when I do. I HAVE DOLE. Seconds is that are goes I don't know what is coming. Don't always drink beer but when I do is just seconds. That's right that's right your most interesting woman in the world. I don't always cook but when I do cook the shit out of this steak. She stole it from me. The skillet go and you see it on both sides. You finish it in the oven. Then you have a nice fucking garlic butter Beth steal it from you. How I do my pork chops. I never watched you do pork chops should did you took a bite. You drop the fork and that was it all right. That's fine but I'm saying the way I learn how to do. Steak was from that. That dude with the glasses outs and Brown or whatever. Okay all right is that does that contractually fucking obligate that part you. I grill cast iron broiler. How do you like to do you like it cooked what I like to do? Yes what I'd like to do to get a nice fucking skillet. Nice and Heart Syrian on both sides. Then you finish in the you know you have it in the oven and then you take the fucking thing out and then you do a little fucking you know what not on a steak. I really don't do that. Mistakes are just tastes fine after that. Put the salt on and I end the oil on both sides of the steak and then you Sierra and you put an oven you flip it and put it back in the heaven. That's how you okay. Yeah and then I take it out right and I take a big bottle of ketchup. Just dump it all over night. Stick it back in the oven. It's turnips if tenderness is the mark of excellence. Steak one cut is king. And that's filet mignon very difficult to. That's that's a difficult one because it's so fucking thick you know what I mean. You don't want overcook. You don't want to cook. And if he heats too high on that fucker right. What's GonNa Happen? Is You're going to be well done on top and in the middle is still going to be fucking chilly. Willy Abon in rib eye. That's my fav- I gotTA agree with you. I like a bona rib eye to eye. Bonin rebinding Nice bottle or two of fucking wind. That's what I like with the right on. Buckling my fucking pants. Halfway through it you know saying something inappropriate to the waitress. That's my idea of a good steak dinner all right. If tenderness is the mark of an extra state one cut is king. And that's the filet Mignon. Sure it's less modeling than a RIB. But the texture is unbeatable. Still missing the fat. There's nothing that's nothing quick wrapped in Bacon won't fix and right now butcher box gives you two fillets in a pack of Bacon free and your first box is fucking copy. Every week man and makes me hungry. All Meat is free of antibiotics and added hormones humanely and humanely race before this lauded. Each box has nine eleven pounds of meat. Which is enough for twenty four individual meals or if you go to dairy queen all the time you tubby shed. You'd probably finish that into settings right. What are you talking about me? When are you saying that I binge eat and then what I puked behind the house? No but you Benji. No I don't what the what are you talking about. I eat fast. That's different. I don't know I feel you go in on staff and you Kinda like Overdo it in the. You're like. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done that. And then it's all part of being an American and it's a whole shame cycle and then you're like you know Vegan for like five months. It's called Getting Shit. You know not letting the fuck and meant it's dropped to the knees. I read all right fine. What perfectly healthy eating habits. You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself at all. You know what I thought. I was aware of every issue you had with me. I didn't realize that this was another one. Can I get back to fucking butchered? Twad here but your box. Each box I can customize my box or go with one of theirs. That's what people are going to say someday about when ordering robots sex doll. I can customize my box or go with one of their. You just got the standard Twad right off the box either way. I get exactly what I want. Options like one hundred percent grass-fed and finished beef. Free Range Organic chicken. I really feel like the red headed male sex doll it I will not be a big seller and they will discontinue it and then the price of them will go through the roof. And then that's when I'll finally start getting like to consider myself a rare collectible options like one hundred percent grass-fed and finished beef. Free Range Organic chicken. My favorite my favorite heritage pork. What happened to the breed heritage breed? Pork Man Sears. Roebuck George. Carlin Book Joke Right. Whatever Moreau Wildcard Alaskan salmon while the fish are going to do and Bacon. That's free of nitrates and added sugar those Alaskan Salmon. They come they come to town like fucking Marlon Brando in the motorcycle. You ever watched that movie the The wild ones of the outsiders or the Hey we came to town. Let me tell you something. Say It really doesn't age well. The way on the waterfront is great and the other one. I could have been polluted with the focus at called with Portugal box. You get the highest quality of meat for just around six dollars a meal and they even have free shipping. But he has two of them. He's got on the waterfront. What's the other one Stella? That's a different movie. Yeah there's two of them roof no. Ps Two fucking classics back to back. Somebody could have been a container. Which is what I am. Something like that thing of doing fucking pulp fiction. I love when fuck in Travolta Travolta Calls Bruce Willis because Qasim Paluku. I loved it swell as a blown them. Away with his own spoiler alert. That's right does Travolta Binge eight and he was taking a dump with with butcher box. You get the highest quality meat for just around six dollars a meal and they even have free shipping nationwide accent nationwide except Alaska and Hawaii. You'll take their fish but you won't hook them up. You can get to filet mignons and a pack of Bacon. Plus Twenty dollars off your first box when you sign up now. Butcher box dot com slash burr or use Promo Code Burr at checkout? That's two free filet. Mignons PACK BACON. Plus Twenty dollars off your first box. Just go to butcher box dot com slash bar or use the Promo Code Bor at checkout. I'm telling you right now. Man You get any of this. All of this meets fucking delicious. I've had all of it. He steamed sauteed spinach with it or some green beans. He get your protein. You get your vegetable. You wake up the negative for the next year Kepi stomachs nice and flat right the next thing. You know your wife's trashing in your own podcast. Not because you're a jerk not because you're not one of the greatest guys ever fucking America ever produced. It's because she's envious of you and she does not know how to communicate it. That's the podcast. Everybody you yes. You're jealous of my my my wallpaper Envy and jealous. Yes Jealous Jealousy is. You're afraid somebody's GonNa take something that you have envy. Is You want something that somebody has so when somebody looks at somebody else's car and they go. Oh my God. I'm so jealous of you new car. They're not they're envious. Yes there you explain it to me. Yeah now he's find smart. I sound smart. Smart face shown smart. Met Messenger all right. That's the podcast. I'm on my way up to Vancouver. I've ever been to Vancouver and you never will all right. I don't know why you always blow me off on the on the Pacific Northwest Kid. I can't just run around chasing you around the fucking world anymore. Maybe you know something near you look really beautiful right now. Yeah thank you all right. That's the podcast. I didn't WanNa have a fight after this fucking podcast you know. I thought it was funny. I JUST THOUGHT CERTAIN AREAS. You will a little bit too far. You know the exit interview. You have to be careful when you're talking about grizzly bears. What if people don't recognize that you're fucking around the entire time? Somebody has affected grizzly bears listening. All right listen to this. Music picked out by the Great Andrew Feminists and then we have a bonus half hour of material. A our podcast. I should say from a Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning. Podcasts from a number of years ago. And that's it. Did you watch of the Democratic International Pancake debate tonight? No I did not. I was doing stuff around the house so I will catch up on twitter. Who is running for Democrats name name okay? Let's Bloomberg Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. Joe Biden. I feel like it's Kinda not in the conversation anymore. Yeah I feel bad for Joe why I don't know it'll be okay. I just relate to house it just like old and you're talking and people are sort of nodding but they're not really paying attention to you which I will be experiencing four shows up in Canada. Oh Canada Stop sending your comics to for all right. Thank you so much. Have a great weekend. I'll see on Monday thrills. How Sam Little Too Don? Hey what's going on? It's Bill Burton. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday. February twentieth two thousand twelve. And you're not gonNA believe. Am I going to start off bitching about these fucking headphones again? I know what you guys are going to say you like well. Why don't you buy some new ones? Do you know what I'm going to say. I saw them once. I was at Newark Airport. What and I was like you know what I gotta do. My podcast Y-. This looks like a great place to buy headphones the airport. I'm sure they have the top of the line and they're not overpriced whatsoever. Considering I'm on the other side of security so I did I dropped like fuck and sixty seventy bucks on a pair of headphones all right. Because I'm not spending any more money. What am I fucking? Dj You know. My eminem adjusting the mixer levels here like I got something to fuck and say I'm not all right. I'm just a little mom and pop podcast and fucking store out here. Seventy dollars headphones with the tax in the FUCKING AIRPORT. Fuck over right the airport fisting. That's about right and I got him. I listened they sounded great on the airplane They had this little bullshit battery you put in. And then I CLICK. I flip a switch and then it's supposed to make everything around me a little quieter which it did which I don't get. How does that you know I got fucked up? Here's people from playing drums in that type of Shit and listening to ACDC too loud and all that crap. And I asked these people like the bose system about how to noise cancellation cancellations that award cancelling headphones and they said well. This is what we do we You know whatever frequency we send the exact opposite frequency and it cancels out both frequencies and Blah Blah Blah Blah. So they can't hear it so my thing is if I can't fuck in here it though but it's still doing the damage you know what I mean in the ear. I just I just don't notice it now because you've offset the sound so I can't hear the sound but my eardrum is still you know getting worn down by the airplane decibels. Can Anybody answer that question for me? Does that make any sense? I know you've done a little parlor trick here where now. I can't hear the noise that exists. It's not like fucking earplugs. You know what I mean. Like put earplugs in. It's actually blocking out the noise. These fucking things are like to to to to to to to the sending out the exact opposite frequency so then then I can't fuck in here but as my eardrum still going like fuck right. I prefer those spongy things that you roll up and you stick in your ears and then you don't have to clean them out for the next nine months that's always great right. Then you put them in your pocket and it gets all lint over. There's one four year ladies speaking of ladies. I want to thank everybody. For during the flowers from flow- flowers dot com and I also want to give a shout out to the people the pro flowers company because they had no problem with my read a few weeks ago. They actually just didn't like then. I said the wrong website so if you listen to two weeks ago when I did my filthy read of their copy. You'll now hear that I. I did a little insert right where it's just me talking. Yeah stick vase up your eyes of La La and just go to pro flowers dot cobb and just goes right back to me ranting again. Sow How cooler they you know. I don't know if they'll ever advertise on here again. But you know what those guys are. Cool I thought they were going to be like you know it'd be one thing. We sold drugs okay. We do we sell flowers with flowers of the exact opposite of violent. Why would you read it that way? Sorry anyways. That's what I'm letting you guys know they. If I ever meet someone who works at proflowers. I'm going to buy him a drink all right and don't even think he's just gonNA walk up to me with a little carnation your fucking lapel. And you're GonNa fool me all right. You're not gonNA have that fucking three hundred yard stare that those pro flowers people have mistake. -Able anyways dude. You should see what the fuck we bought for my dog. My dog has like separation anxiety and like when you leave the dog alone it like freaks the fuck out you know like. Oh my God. This place is too big. I don't know what I'm GONNA do. With tries to jump through the windows at closet the woodwork so You know you've heard these stories. We tried to buy cages or his trainers. Call them causes. Which is the Spanish word for home? And if you were to look at these things you know. They don't look like home. They look like a cage right so I've been put my dog them. It's a goddamn the lovely NIA everybody coming to the podcast. Let me hit pause. Here let me talk about cleal. Cleo's new two bedroom apartment. We just got her on a second. Hold on. Hold on. Hang on everybody through the magic of podcasting. She'll be on in a couple of seconds so anyways like I said the magic podcasting the lovely Nia. Everybody how are you? How are you great? I am doing well. What was that robotic? Hi How are You I am fine? I was just talking to them. About how we we clear separation anxiety. So we've gone through all these different cages. And she's a pit bull so she's broken out of all of them that she cuts upper fucking face. She chipped a couple of teeth. Drives me nuts so we finally just by one that you just can't escape from and it looks like a fuck and safe is the only way to describe it. I never I never liked it. It was evil looking. It looks like Shit like you know in those Vietnam movies when they stick the American. Gi's the little bamboo things. Yeah yes she just never really does look like a prison cell. Yeah I just didn't feel like she could stretch or anything like that. She could get up and turn around. Which is what they say is the requirements that they should be able to stand up and turn around which she could do. But it's still small. Yeah I didn't like. Yeah so we just had our trainer basically made essentially a fucking lion's cage for hurts. It's the biggest thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah and I'm thinking. Yeah there's enough room for her bed. A whole nother section like she has like It's like when you're in New York and you go from going from a studio to actually having a one bedroom apartment. She's got the bedroom in the back. And then she's got the carpeted area in the front. There's little dog dish and some some water right little foyer for to hang up her jacket right exactly and you know what she does. She tries to break out of it again. Yeah so it had nothing to do with the damage money. I've spent on these fucking things now. No get don't cause beyond paying for reminding me of how much you spent on it. I freak out every fucking up and so now. She says she only did it that one time. She's fine she's got. It's like when we got this thing. Is You just? GotTa be practicing. He's just gotTa be in it. I wanted I wanted to be big enough. So she could ever a nice big comfy bed in there and clear basically has three stretches for yoga people. She has down dog and up dog and she has on and then she has the woman she lays on her side in all four legs straight out all right then she has the one where she stands up and does the. I'm a mad cat compression arch. Cat is back. My favorite one is when she sits down and she just puts her head to the sky. Go ooh that's my favorite one. She couldn't do that one and this one now she can do it in there and you would think we just took her from coach and put her in. First Class and she still acted like an ass because she does. This doesn't like to be confined. She doesn't like to be separate. You know how Cleo is. She's very attached to us so it's hard for her to just be away. I don't I don't she's not independent. She's dependent dog at all. I feel like he's needy killing. I feel like that father that just keeps spoiling. His daughter just keeps buying new shit. Comp- sheep's breaking everything. And no she's not going to be happy you know she'll be all right in there. I just went before I came in here. I just made her lie down in her bed and she did her little exhale and it's driving me nuts so that's fine. I wanted to talk to you about who the sound serious nano. I'm not even get into that. Yeah let me just think before I do that. I got to thank everybody for coming out to my shows. I don't know if you noticed near because I know you're out here just baking cookies doing your female stuff. Wow I just completed if you wonder why I look so tired yet satisfied. I just a whirlwind tour of the tri-state area Wednesday night. Two shows at Vinnie Brench Stress Factory in New Brunswick New Jersey. Charming then brand pretty break and your vinny Brennan Prussian many brands. You had the right sound but you couldn't come up with anything better. Like let me hear your Frank Sinatra. Hi I'm Frank Sinatra Luck. Be Lady Two nights ago as that led her out of my sites. Stick with me. Baby I'm the Fella you came in with lock lady tonight. You know what that songs about. Yes Bell what is it about? It's about a check and a dude and he wants to be want to have some recognition and am treating you good being stopped being a little. That's the metal hustle a metaphor for throwing dice dice. The most clearest isis the nickname for the dice. The ladies the ladies okay. I didn't know that I thought it was actually. I thought it was a metaphor for a woman. Toll thing is it's fucking both all right. Come on all right so it has to be has to be come on and blow on some other guys dice. Fucking love of clever they were by the time we got to my generation. Axl Rose like second bucket Shinhan unease and all those rappers fuck and they just really They just fucking. They went right down the pipe with it. Yeah that's what the gangster rap and guns and roses music that was like just like Nolan Ryan pitcher no action on the ball. Here comes the heat or see if you can hit right. Yeah you watch sports so anyways want to thank everybody who came out and I think I deserve a pat on the back that no point that I make fun of New Jersey for The amount of Bon Jovi tickets that they still continue to purchase hometown hero hometown here by giant stadium. Still that's unbelievable. What about Bruce? He does he's Jersey too. But he's worldwide that National International. The isn't John Jovi Jon Bon Jovi. I got confused Bon Jovi. He's not international. I mean I don't know I mean they love him like some somewhere. There's always the what's great about this business is they'll always be country that loves you. Yeah there always will be no matter. How big how small you want it to be huge in pry wanted to be America. All right if you're an American I guess but you know what's his face Hasselhoff huge in Germany. All Right Jerry. Lewis got his recognition in France. Much like the jazz players of your ilk right and by Ilk. I mean African American. You know what happens to me every every year during black history month? I'll ask this. This is what happens. There's always somebody some white person. It's just me and another Whitey right. And they always have to be like dude. What why why do they have like a month you know? Do we get a month. God Trona we don't get a month real even eleven mother fucker. That's right that's right. Tom Brokaw a month. Yes Oh yes. We definitely need like a month dedicated to the struggles of white people. Yeah yeah well you know what I WANNA eat on that white folks. You know what I want to organize and some shit. Maybe it'll happen for you Where the great white leaders campaigning. For All right there in the clan well tell me about some white struggles knee. I can't think of any of course you kid. Does that mean? There isn't any would want all those Irish Nice. All those Irish guys came off the boat. Let me explain to me you know. I want to talk about potato. I'll talk about the potato hearing about the suits in highschool to black people in my high school class in Atlanta Georgia. I'm GONNA kick you. Why did you move to the Whitey? Land land private because you went to a private school like walking to park and then he comes out. Yo I'm hard and shit look at my tattoos. He didn't go to private school. You went to an art school please. It's different guy. Had A two in the eighth grade and privileged did take ballet classes. He freely admits that look gets shot and can still give the camera the finger. I don't give a fuck about your background. Point about you. Know Slavery and all of those inevitably inevitably. There were some kid in class with regurgitating their grandparents and their parents. You know feeling like they're not getting enough you know. I don't know praise for White. People went through would about the potato famine a potato Sham Washington. Not the same as people being. I wasn't talking about that in the middle passage. It's not the same and I'll also point out. Sorry everybody thought this was gonNA ever said anything say well you know? I don't know if that's a completely equal Harrison also. It's not a who suffered more contests read them done. I was talking about the Irish came over around the civil war and they went to that. Little Ellis island out there. They they needed guys to fight in the Union Army. So the second they landed they say listen. You can sit here and get some venereal diseases smallpox or you can go fight for the Union army and half of them fucking signed up landed on Ellis Island signed up and then immediately was shot in the forehead by a fucking cannon down South Carolina. All right. I'm just saying everybody's got this ship. This fucked up is I was actually going to defend you and you so fucking said his sticking in the face of Whitey. Now now you've got me with my fucking backup. All right I just I just. I'm just saying it's funny because there's always somebody somebody was saying to me. This weekend I find is what can you just give them their month. I know get twenty nine days this could you just give them the fucking month you know would if they had a white entertainment television people wouldn't like that like white people really give a shit about bt. Jesus near what are you talking about? I don't know what we're trying to have fun here. Nobody nobody said that. What you're doing now is abby. Said why people are a okay in my book. You guys are great. I actually love. I get annoyed when when people get this. Two conversations white people bring up during the year that bugged me. One is wiser a black history month. Right which is the obvious. Question is if we didn't bring it up. You wouldn't necessarily out of out of being an asshole. It's just not what you focus on right. You know you're in your world. Yeah they you wouldn't think of it exactly so and then the other one is whenever the N. word subject comes up. We you guys say to each other all the time how how come so. Then we'll have. Why can't I say it and then I always go? Well why would you wanNA say was an wait? And then one time they did a documentary on that and then somebody in the documentary goes. I think white people are just mad because this is something that they can't do and that was the one where I almost took my flat screen at fucking jammed. It in the toilet flushed that whole shit. Okay as much as we don't understand black history month that whole fucking thing that oh I'm white therefore the government gives me a USA. Today in a bag of cash every morning. Yeah that ain't happening all right. That's one of those deals. I think a perfect example of white. There's a lot of white people out there eastbound and down. It's like even Eminem who is so seeped in hip hop culture and like completely accepted in hip hop culture. Because he's a great lyricist and rapper. He doesn't use the word so if Eminem is not using the word. What makes you think that like Joe? Baloney Sandwich can use that word who Joe Bologna. Jesus so anyways at once a year I have that conversation wants to fucking year. Who was somebody racist or not racist? You fucking listen then racist. They're doing what you're doing. Which is what looking out their own heads. That's what people do like. The world is from their couch all right and when it doesn't make sense to them they don't stop and go. Oh Hey wait a minute let me try and turn this around and look back at my couch. They don't fuck and do it and you know what neither do you with your little fucking rant about potatoes. I wasn't even talking about that was talking about these. You didn't know that you imagine that you fucking you're trying to flee their out of vegetables. Somebody said the funny shit about the potato famine. Hi everybody starved. Its you live on an island. Why don't you go fishing? You fucking Moron are you. What are we going to eat? I don't know have another drink. That's one of the things I never even thought of that but the thing is though it is. I mean as much as it's a fucking island I mean it's not the size of lake killings island. It's bigger than that so I guess you'd have to get on your little fucking bike. Because that's all they don't even have cars in Europe except for like the international bankers you know and then get the police escort. We going down the street. That's all you ever talked about when we go over there. You're like I want to hear that siren and it wasn't until I got to Sweden. They haven't yeah. It's so disappointing when you're in other countries and they just have the we like the regular one. Yeah my voice is a little shot from screaming. Usually do a better. Simon does that. What would you like me to do that? Come into the bedroom Shirley so anyways speaking of other things black this week Whitney Houston just out of curiosity is gonNA come out on. Dvd at any point on on like the greatest fucking funeral. The funeral is better than the grammys. It was it was pretty amazing. You really felt like you were won't because next show up and do something really weird screaming old white man. Thank God what was that about trying to out lady Gaga Lady Gaga people. Doing Weird Shit just for Weird Shit Sake. And it's not even art anymore. You Way Way Way too. They both fall off and then they have to do that. That the Duet Nikki Manashian Lady Gaga. Like when Jagger and David Bowie got together to sing dancing in the street and they were like Rhode Island Worcester South America. They started rubbing their asses together. I don't mean this in a homophobic way at all the gay thing ever I think we can all admit even gay people can admit that was extra extra fruity that that was the winning using funeral. It was it was like a real funeral. It wasn't like you know. The Michael Jackson Memorial obviously was sad and they had performers but it was more like star. Studded it was like the Kardashians all posing together holding programs and Shit. This one was like her. Dashes went to the winning the memorial. The wedding the funeral the Michael Jackson. Yeah it was. It was all kinds of celebrities. They're the highest taken in town. And then this one really felt like because they make like Michael Jackson like Laker Jersey. Like a one off Mitchell and ness was it like that. I don't know did he. Go out like Elvis winning just like completely exploited right into the fucking ground pretty much. Yeah yeah I need a cuckoo clock out of him yet Elvis Presley now when most wrongly criticized artists of all time. We'll get into that later. Any this is odds of white people stealing from black people we weren't we weren't really being right. I know Elvis was great but I feel like Oh star accepted history that he had the bullshit that he stole all that Shit from them. It's such a Crock shitting this while say it's a Crock Shit. Because he was black what he would be considered was he's he's carrying on the tradition but somebody white is into that music than what it is. Is You're stealing all right now. I'm not saying that the label didn't give those guys. You know the label. They probably didn't even pay Elvis. Forget about the fuck and artists who originally black artist. Who Originally wrote that Song? But I've been around long enough. Anini that I know that. Half those fucking people who saying that Elvis stole from them. They stole this shit from somebody else. You've listened to that fucking Music Blues Music. How many the turnarounds? Half the fuck lyrics like. Because if she won't I know her sister will. That lyric is in like fifty different song. How many of them were back door. Men I'm telling no I'm telling you and the end of the standup arena when I did that fucking circuit. There's there is some originality there but there's a lot of thievery going on so I would I would. I'm just saying Elvis is the original behind the music. He basically like he lived every fucking cliche before it was a cliche that thought he was bigger than life. And the guy's belly was full of fucking advil before they even had died on a fucking toilet. You know like for the younger than me. All right people still parade through his fucking house and have dumb conversations near his grave. There's a souvenir shop across the street. They've turned him from everything to a coup clock to a fucking SPATULA. That's personnel Yeah his fucking manager stole from him and everybody just says he's a piece of Shit. He's a fucking thief. I mean I thought he had respect for the music and he just did his thing. He liked the music. Do people think he was a piece of Shit? Other people. Michael Orlando people who bet your bottom. We'll say he's a piece of Shit like they sat down and listen to my awesome colored people down the street. They're doing this stuff I'm going to. I'm going to take any money right. You're talking about a guy who just flew around eight peanut butter and banana fucking sandwiches. Okay and came out with those stupid Batman bedazzled Gay Capes you know. Do you think he really had. It's fucking some broke kid from miss. He like he had the foresight to do all of that. Come on he got fucking raped. Declined his record behind. Yeah Yeah and then he takes the fall. He takes the fall. I'm just look I'm not saying that they didn't take that music and I'm not saying that those people didn't get fucked everybody gets fucked in the music business okay and they got stepped in. Was there. Racism Abso fucking Luke but to sit there and just literally look at Elvis like there was no talent. There is Horse. Shit all right. I always fucking people. They're black framed glasses and they'd go t's once a year trashing him and get sick always bill. Russell look-alikes have had it salt-and-pepper Afros leave the king alone. Pick up somebody else. What else. What do we got here? What did I want to talk about our job as black people to keep you down to Earth to make sure what happened all those years. It's not enough to keep reminding her of how evil you are to keep you in your place I I am. I'm an evil white man I I do. A lot of the white men share an angry white man but as a black people. No I know you're angry. It just kind of fell out of the sky. You say something actually. Somebody said something to me this weekend and I was like. I really wish Neil was here. She could hurt it and said like bill. There's been a change in. You know you seem like you let some stuff go you. I don't know you were laughing. You were talking to people after the shows and Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah and. I was like you know I can I? Can you please say that again with that? Same Level of conviction. Can I record this and then send this to the lovely NIA? She can quit breaking my balls over here. We got to the biggest fuck and fight this weekend. How could you do it? Bring it up? I didn't say that I wasn't going to bring it up. Yeah I've been making fun of Kobe's wife on the you guys will see it's my it's my clothes and I'm on the stage there. My clothes and bit the signature piece. I like to save my next special. What do you do you call me up and you mind fuck me like I'm being to me. I wasn't mind fucking you I was talking to you about. We've been talk like I said we've been talking about this subject for months. Ever since he's doing it on stage you know I'm GonNa you know spar and debate with you about it because on one hand. I feel we're right before I do a special diabolical I'M NOT SAYING DIABOLICAL THERE. I said I'm angry fucking psycho. Can you take one hit? Can you take one? Shot the liver. You have this way of like. Yeah you know that really funny part in your act. What's up with that? Well I don't mean to. I'm not trying to mind like you or mess with your career or Blah. Your you know your jokes people fucking love and what makes you so great but you now. I just talked about. I get it. Yeah he was. She was trying to suggest that well. Kobe was out there. Scoring six thousand points. A game and raping bitches got acquitted got acquitted raping bitches up in like five. Different guys semen in that girl. I really wasn't good luck. It really wasn't a good look inner panties what's not even Inter Inter even fucking hoes yourself down. She didn't even wash it's disgusting wasn't a good luck. Yeah right yeah so. She was sitting there trying to suggest that that his wife is lay was at home holding down the Fort. Raising the children. Yeah her on her hands and knees. Scrubbing the kitchen floor with a tooth was added. Give me a fucking said. They're big move every day was which mall am I going to? That was her job is to take care of the kids and all that stuff. Her job was to watch a guarantee you. Her job was to watch the nanny. Watch the KIDS IT SMELLS VICKY. Take care of it. She's totally in shape me. I know yeah she was like. That's not a month supermodel. That's not a month. Okay your mom and you have multiple kids okay. I see that joke my my mom. She she never did drugs in her. Life doesn't remember her thirties. That's a month right. Yeah it's just a fucking blur you mean. It's not being like not having like a six pack after three kids on vacation girlfriends knowing. What the hottest shoes out there are doing? Is that not possible but I? I can't. I can't do that now. Ma What do you mean no? I'm not having some stranger. Raise our hypothetical kids. Don't WanNA strange raising them. Either but I fully intend on Mike looking like the hop. I was when you met me. Oh absolutely oh you will stay in shape how. I'll fucking build a bedroom out in the garage. Free TO SLEEP IN. That is that is for you buddy. And that's exactly what you should say. It is completely fucking unacceptable to be like while I'm married to him now or I'm married her on either side. And then just let yourself go and have that big Pelican neck and then he guesses sit there in order to lead the lady's got the guys with the big beer guts and you try to keep your thirty two inch waist. Keep pushing your fucking James Down. You know you got that giant like your shirts pushed out so far. You're starting to see the skin in your belly right when your belly button is facing the floor like a Bombardier looking for targets and Dresden. When you know you'RE GONNA fucking lose some Goddamn wait so anyways what I was trying to tell you. I wish you came out. We did one of the stops on the whirlwind tour of the East Coast was We did the theater at Westbury In Long Island and it was in the round and I thought before the eye open for Dane at Madison Square Garden around sitting. Here the places going fucking nuts and I was going like and you know Danes just fucking you know sitting there you know. Eat celery sticks like not even nervous. I'm like dude. He's what's manigault. What the fuck and he just laughs and he goes eager just go. He was brilliant. He goes it's four theaters. He just broke it up because you facing this way. That's a theater you face that way. It's a theory just combined and But obviously you're not like turning in circles the whole time. How do you know when to turn around into? I can't explain it. It takes about six minutes to figure it out I guy and then when she then you start to you know there's a way you can cheat all the way to the side of one stage and have you back turned to them and then you're seeing three quarters of the crowd and then you just try to keep like a mental thought in your head you know. I haven't looked this way in a minute. Hey let's give let's give them one over here. It was fun. I was fucking around going. You know what's great about? This is if I start bombing over here. I can just fucked you guys. I wish I could've seen that known. It was awesome and it was. It was like built in the nineteen fifties so everyone from Frank Sinatra. Sammy Davis Junior. The doors yeah home when they still had keith. Moon I'll stand on stage fucking Keith. Moon was on the stage. Jim Morrison was on this date and when I was up there half way through it realized Howie Mandel on. I'm not one hundred percent positive of this. Did this stand up special. When I was a kid. That really stuck with me. His like his interaction with the crowd and his bits and how funny he was and he was silly but he was really good at using the F. Word he was really good at cursing and like he had a couple of classic ones. Like you know. He's really manic name name. What's your name asked you three times through shit like that. And he had the one where the down that special was the one where he was wearing the suspenders and he bent over doing some bit. In on the back they came off at Lily went up in the air and landed on top of his curly hair and the whole crowd laugh and he stopped. He says wait a minute he goes. What the fuck just happened. And the place went crazy and like he was fucking destroying and I don't just years later all of a sudden you. There was one of the coolest nights I mean. That's right up there with with. GimMe Carnegie was Carnegie with that one. Was I love that Shit? Just like onto an old Sports Stadium you know what I mean. That's where the red sox choked you know. All the old stadium was with a red sock showcase all the new ones better except for last year with their fucking chicken and beer. Goddamn you could've played for the red sox. Last year in September he'll get hammered eating chicken wings and Shit not being racist analysis black history month. I didn't really mean it that way. Well anytime you bring up chicken around a black person like it gets so fucking weird like we'd all don't eat it. I don't get that. We went to frank pep as pizza. Was Frank Pepe fucking insane so it really is. Because you've got going on and on about this place supposed to be the best best. What I earn America America and they really lived up to the hype. Okay it was insane in one of the ones that we got was just one that had clammed Clermont. Yeah which I would have thought was disgusting. When the signature wants it was fucking delicious. Next time I go there I would definitely get their classic playing like they don't have a sauce. They fly in like an organic Tomatoes from Italy and they just crush it on the top of it and put it near. It's insane it's the thinnest goddamn crust. Then there's another place down the street. And that's the one that allegedly Sinatra used to order from so. I don't know so it was sick. It was like this little strip in new haven called Frank. Pep AS P P APOSTROPHE S. If you're ever driving down in New York or just live anywhere near there you gotta check it out. I would definitely suggest go in there like we did on a Wednesday afternoon or Thursday afternoon. Because there's nobody there because on the weekends it looks like Bon. Jovi's playing there in Jersey. Speaking of which. I gotta get to some sort of advertising here I was called you CLEO. Wow all right. Let's start with a game dot com. Everybody do you play video games? Sure we all do. Game flies the video rental system. That delivers video games to your door will deliver those sons of bitches right to your door. Who likes that better than Gamers? Right you sit with your legs Fallen Asleep in finishing your game right you order it up like Howard Hughes they bring it to you and now to your PC games right to your PC right. I don't know how much easier this has to be gave. Fly has over eight thousand titles to choose from and works with every system out there and Monday morning. Podcast get a fifteen day free trial. Ooh That's right fifteen gate fifteen days of free games hell said fifteen gays fifteen days of free games leagues by going to. Www DOT game fly dot com slash. Burpee you are. Give it a try. Save your money no late fees no late fees. I The hell was that work. Keep it as long as you are. Just whatever you about giving it back mails directly house again. You get a free fifteen day trial you go to game fly dot com slash Burr and Start playing video chain guys? Do me a favor if you if you if you play when that you really like you know. I fly a lot and I. I did that one time when I flew to Australia. I played Tetris for eight hours straight and I was just having time of my life because I hadn't seen this is one like those old school games first started coming back and I was like it. Just took me back to the arcade when you go down there and your parents didn't want you to hang down at the arcade because that's where the riffraff at least in my little white town. That's where they were at and Yeah bullying kids records. Yes so if you guys you know if you stumble onto one just know that. The last one that I played was grand theft auto part. Three and I don't what are you looking at nothing? But why are you turn on my phone over there and just because I was? You were talking. We were talking about games and I wanted to download a free game obsessed with right now that you will love. How did you get a pass on your iphone? I need to just put it in there. Okay I mean. I didn't even watching at a buddy's house. I was watching the Knicks game yesterday. And he's like you should have your phone locked in case you lose it than someone can't call it and I was like all right but now it's like a pain in the ass because I sat down for two seconds because I haven't on immediately immediately so when we get off the air I gotta give you my Pasco car because I just realized what if I do a face plant and you don't have your cell phone you launch. Honey can you hear me? What is your pass code numbers also? We have a new advertising for this week and I cannot say enough about this product for hockey players out there. You know what? It's really fucking rude that you're playing with my phone is. I'm trying to whore myself out. Here it's really fucking distracting. Doing your thing I just do it quietly over okay. All right go hunting exam phone. You love this product so please yes As as you know I took a plane hockey in the wonderful month of August in two thousand ten. I got all this stuff out there. Right fall down. I feel like I'm landing on. I got all the equipment so when I fall down the ice it feels like I'm landed on a mattress phenomenal. When I first started playing head was the helmet and the gloves and you know you remember that like three days later I would wake up and I looked like somebody beat me with a bamboo read. Okay I think those those bruises. Somebody hit me with stickers. Yes yes but but the only thing that sucks since then is the only thing that hurts nothing. Worse than taking a puck off. Your Skate fucking kills. I can't even did indescribable pain. It's like stubbing your toe. Times nine thousand right and they actually said if you take a slapshot and one hundred miles an hour to Ford. It's like getting shot in the foot with a twenty two caliber. Yeah so it's always like why isn't there any sort of protection down there well? Somebody's finally done skate. Fender DOT COM. They actually sent me a pair of these things. They're these little plastic arts. They're clear plastic. You put them on one thousand nine hundred thirty. Nhl Teams already have players wearing them and actually tried him the other day. Because I was concerned like I'm already slow enough. I don't need to be adding weight to my feet. You can't even tell their on. They they way as much as socks she can't even tell And if you get hit with the with the Puck I swear to God it feels like get hit the Shin. I mean it's like you know you got hip it you barely feel it and you can keep playing and So anyways all the NHL guys are starting to wear them. I'm telling you this company's going to blow up if I can invest in it I would 'cause I this is one of the ones either Nike or Reebok is going to buy it out because it's brilliant like I was saying eleven percent of all injuries in hockey or foot related. So you're taking that off the table. I mean think about that. Like for most of us are. Nhl Dream is over and you get a real job. I don't know about you guys but I don't need to take one to the foot and the next night go limp and out on stage with one loafer and a clown shoe on you know what I mean. It makes no sense. Put Him on. Go Be the first guy to have them out there and you watch because everyone's GonNa be like what are you a right. And then they're gonNA take one of the foot and they're gonNA be crawling off the ice and you're gonNA take one. You're going to keep going all right. And then eventually they're all going to be wearing. I mean you'd be like dude. I called it. What did I say so this is what you do you go to skate. Fender DOT COM. They got two different. They got the they got one sixty nine one thousand nine and they got one seventy nine nine thousand nine definitely spend the extra ten bucks. It's totally worth it. I know you're like Oh that's kind of a lot of money. Can you put a price on your foot you know? Do you want to be that old person? Hobbling down the street with that little metal cage that those people walk with supply hockey can up by property. You WanNa do if you still want to be able to cross. Check somebody with your Goddamn Cain when you're in your nineties. I recommend these things. And that's all you do you skate. Fender DOT COM and click on. This is that you want and when you get to the page where it says apply coupon you just type in my name Bill. Burr no spaces all lower case. B I L L B U R R and. That's IT IN ORDER THEM UP. And that's it you know. I guarantee anybody's ever taken a puck to the foot is GONNA is GonNa wear them unless a macho moron in take one more hit and they'll be all right. You know what I think. I'm GonNa wear those all right. Let's get back to the comedy what I WanNa talk about. Oh here's something to bought any. Acdc fans out there. This is gonNA sound like a back to back commercial. But this isn't Mark Evans the original Bass player for AC DC. I've been listening to people you were about two years old and I always wondered like what happened. The first guy that's always been like the first bass player and that's always been like my question. Whenever I watched behind the music you see some huge band and it'll just be like you know look terrorist had a baby and decided to quit the band you know. And that's when Jimmy page joint and I always used to think what the fuck ever happened that other guy and actually wrote a movie script about it and I couldn't make it funny enough and then years later that dude with the part down. The middle did a movie that was essentially what. I was trying to write. I you still with me on the PODCAST. You reading the books anyway. Mark Evans what Mark Evans the original Bass player for for. Acdc wrote a book called dirty. Deeds it's already in paperback. I know it's been out probably since the beginning of last year tearing through this book it's a whole new perspective on the band and it's also like as he's really honest and he kinda shows like there's a couple. I don't WanNa ruin the book with a couple of things. He writes he goes. Yeah no no two people who are in bands. I'll just say one thing that he said if you have a bad show and you're having the band meeting right after this show a good thing. Don't be the first guy in the band to leave because the finger pointing going to start. And if you're out there to defend yourself it's GonNa it's GonNa come onto you but like he has a couple chapters in their NIA. If I can just get you to look at me at this point that Bon Scott bronchoscope room. Yeah what I love about that. That's the exact same. Sorta dirtbag Shit that you do on facebook in my space. But it didn't exist back then so you actually had to sit down and write a letter. He's like send me a photo. One of those polaroid cameras polaroid friend. They can't wait for the mckean pay per preferably less. Wait for the three three minute kiss. Then how about a three hour fuck right? They have. That doesn't sell the book it's called. It's called dirty deeds. And if somebody knows Mark Evans if I ever go a Melbourne and wherever the hell he's living at I gotta I GOTTA. I got some free tickets for him without a doubt. I was put that out there. I put put it out there for Rick Flair. I'm one of these times. One of these legends is going to show up. But I'm all the way up to the chapter where he's about ready to get fired and I actually read a little bit of it and it's absolutely like you just like these guys are like really describes like the power of ACDC when he talks about like they used to start their set with that song livewire in how like he would just be playing the baseline and then Malcolm would start playing the guitar. And then when Phil and Angus kicked in like they would just blow the roof place in front of like like twenty people and when you really into a band like that's the big thing like Oh my God. I wish I saw them. Before they hit and he describes that period in the book like from a guy being like as far as I know Angus Malcolm none of them have ever read a book written a book so to finally hear a guy talk about. What is it? Like when you're when you're in that band and it just fucking lifts off like that? He said like their record label guy when he first saw when they went to London when when Angus and Phil Rudd kicked in during that song like his fucking jaw was on the ground. Like Oh my God this is going to be. These guys are GonNa be fucking huge and I remember talking to somebody who worked for Aerosmith and when. Acdc opened up from like Joe. Perry was going nuts watching him and he was hitting Stephen. Go Watch because actually the second or third and he's GonNa do you call it the frying the Bacon thing we saw. He said he lays on the ground. With what kills. He doesn't miss a note. And like I guess Joe Perry was like freaking out and was just saying these guys are GonNa be fucking huge and they got that new. Dvd out that. I've been talking about that. Jim Breuer was telling me about going and I was like yeah. I'M GONNA WATCH JIM goes. No you have to come over my fucking house surround sound and you have to sit there in the dark and you have to watch. This shit's so great. Yeah he's a he's got a new he's got a new ninety minutes. Set does not curse once in other hills as hard as he's ever killed. Yeah like I can't even describe key when we were on the Antisocial Network tour together lash last year it was really. It was really inspiring. I mean I'm always gonNA stick to my filthy guns. It's just who I am but I have unbelievable amount of respect for the fact that he that he's doing that 'cause I'm like that guy is he's going to have that. This second wave of Jim brewers the shit on top of the original waves. And He. He's GonNa he's GonNa go to a whole `nother You can go to Buffalo Sabres game. And they're going to be. Also you know high hyping. The upcoming Jim Breuer show. That's my prediction. All right and with that. Let's get to the letters for this week last week. I was bitching about Valentine's Day. You know I always tease you about how we go out to celebrate our relationship except I pay by the way. How how. How much was it going out? On the twelfth. It was great it was nice quiet. Yup Romantic there was none of the hype. We went a really nice place. Goliath wasn't actually cheap. But I I can't imagine what that would have thought we would have been standing outside glitter dress looking at the other girls and their glitter dresses going to you like glitter drives her. I should have got mine in. Poofy shoo shoo colors so anyways. So I've been bitching about the ladies on this thing right. Like what are you guys do? And they're talking about this stake in a blowjob day. Yes yes yes all right now I. I'll tell you when you're in heaven when not only can they can't say when when they're when they're proficient in both of those categories because there's a lot of people out there they're going to say all right stake in a blowjob day and one of them is going to be up to snuff and there is. There is a prevailing attitude amongst women that they are just automatically good in bed because they're there and there's the prevailing attitude that men don't know what's going on we don't know what's going where anything is just happy to be. It's a privilege which is why this lady says the Valentine's Day this is from a lady she said. Hey Bill I heard what you were saying about Women Valentine's Day and I we don't buy our men gifts and we expect a whole day to be about us. Well here's what I did for my husband by the way honestly not trying to sell you. Anything he goes she goes. I bought him the Liberator Wedge Ramp Combo set. What's that you might ask about this from the Anthonys show they refer to it as a bedroom as bedroom adventure gear? It's a set of cushions designed to help you achieve more positions sex as well as deeper penetration so no we didn't go out to dinner. No stupid cards were exchanged. We simply stayed home and fucked all night saying shock on that you do. I love you bill. Go Fuck yourself this Cara. Yeah but you know what's funny about that s? She's patting himself on the back. She bought something for herself. It's for both of the No. It isn't what do you mean it isn't it isn't going to do with it without him. I don't need deeper penetration. That's for you that is wealthy again. That's that's the difference. What is the difference? She know the. I'm not saying that that guys don't satisfy their women properly. That Dick isn't big enough. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about how she's Pat yourself on the back like she went out and bought this guy the NFL package for next season like she actually went out and bought something for him. She didn't at the very least she bought something for them. But the real thing about that. That's for the woman so he can headed at that angle that you liked so he can hit you spot so he can get in there. Deeper got guys. You don't appreciate that. I'm not saying I don't appreciate it and I'm not saying it's not a great invention but what I'm saying is she's acting as though like this was some sort of a sacrifice that she basically bought him something that would get her better. Dick and she's patting herself on the back for fucking ridiculous. I think it's clever. It is clever because she's acting as though she did something but she didn't see this is this is the thing about that. Is the genius of women. Is You guys act? Like sex. Doesn't feel good for you to you. Act like guys allowing us to have sex with you like you don't want it and like this. It's like you like waxing a floor and it's just a big fucking pain in the ass you know. She got something that that is like celebratory of their relationship as opposed to like the typical dinner. It's like it's about our intimacy. It's about our connection. So why don't we get something that will enhance that? Yeah but this is the thing I gotta go out and buy. You'd like some necklace. How do I get to wear it? I gotTa take you out to dinner celebrate and I pay for the whole fucking thing. It's all about the guy going out spending money on you getting you shit that you want. And that's the pressures for the guy to show his love. Also get to. You Know White Guy who can dunk a basketball all right. Let's stop talking about the exceptions. I'm talking about the fucking rule here right okay. You know what I'm saying. Yes I do okay all right all right fine there we go the tap and out can tap it out. Why why? Why Do Women Act like sex? Doesn't feel good. Why what did you guys talk into the MIC farm? Not like that so I don't know I couldn't tell you you don't have any insight. I can't keep this going all right. Let's keep going. I don't really know women that are like Oh God it's such a chore like maybe in the next year and I was making. It'll be complaining about that. I don't know but when I was making fun of Valentine's Day this weekend some girl in the crowd was going like you know what I said. What did you do for it? And she goes she. He got to hit this in points. Turn that's ridiculous. Yeah what can I show up and be like? Hey you get two sub this lady never this this is you never you never get to do that right. I don't know what it is playing out. This is what it is if guys could ever stop being such fucking sluts and giving it a well. That's why women women don't respect Dick is because it's so easy for them to get it if you'd stop giving it away if every guy would just start the day in fucking rub one out right. World would be a lot more peaceful at least until two in the afternoon by. Then you balls fill up again. Start getting competitive cubicle. Bigger than mine. I mean what I'm saying. It's just it's it's just one of those things that balances it out right. I can choke slam you on the floor and you could cut off the sex and that balances up but it's illegal for me to hit you but for some reason it's not illegal to cut off the sex and that right there is what's known as the tipping point. That's how you lose your beautiful Jake's slap non relationship advice okay bill. I need your help. I've been making. How do you say that looks like Satan to Chinese American dish? Say Ten. Thanks to you know say that looks like Bonjour Bonne? Jor say ton I thought they say ten Vegan dishes from scratch for sometime now. It's called for Soy Flower. But I think that I might have an allergy to soy. I've been substituting chick PEA flour for awhile but the consistency is a little off. Any help would be great. Yeah why don't you just go with regular white flour that your body can't process nothing? Takes better than fucking real sugar white flour you know. Don't drink diet soda. Just drink less. Wait a minute first of all. This is more like a like a as a chef. Person could help them out with this. That's what's funny about this near you. Just totally I'm not a chef. I should probably tell them what to do with it. And I was on my way to say mood. Sorolla sticks here and you're like wait a minute but you don't know anything about this. Sorry help would be greatly appreciated. Lazy Gentlemen once again once again a female showing their comedy instincts. All Fuck Yo. I know it's a big tragedy too big tragedy. Hope people view women in comedy. And it's all guys fault. It has nothing to do with the thousands of horrific sets. Leave it alone come on near look? It doesn't look at empathy. Sometimes empathy helps sometimes. It doesn't help. I'm just talking about stand up and I think there's a bunch of hilarious people out there. Chelsea Peretti is one of my favorites. H Chelsea hilarious Chelsea Peretti one of my favorite bits last five years when she said she was she was a fat Guy Comedian. I asked her about about the other day. Said they edited out of her special which sucks. Because that's what editors do like. What makes this awesome remove it? I'm just saying if somebody said white guys can't dance. Am I really going to get mad at that time? I really not going to honestly look at myself and admit that I'm part of the problem then. I'm not one of those people you know if I ever wanted to become a better dancer. Just let that roll around your head without laughing right ever wanted to be a better dancer. Near what would what would make me a better dancer to go out and fuck and learn how to do it and do the work or for them to lower the fucking standards. Yeah yeah lower the standards of whole yourself up by your fucking bootstraps Reagan. Bring it on. No I'm not saying that they don't get fucked and that there's not it's not unfair but like whole straight across the board thing where people think that they're ready to be on shit that they're not ready to like really. You'RE THE NEXT ONE IN LINE. You know all right. Whatever from Argentina now. The one from Argentina Argentine is a great is a great country men. What this is. What happens when people right in a second language? But I can't get shit here. You will find the reason why the crowd was so incredible facing a link. The reason is that Argentinians in general are soccer fans but insanely fan not funny. I don't know I can't even read this register redesign an accent soccer fan. Sex Desire or performance is directly proportionate to their correspondent team performance league. Also if your team loses you don't even WanNa fuck or do you hate. Fuck your woman and blame the loss on her. It's crazy but it's true. In the video you will see the entrance of the team to the field. Each Sunday majority the majority of the Argentinian teams. Have an entrance like that because people are fucked up in an. I can't even read this podcast. You mentioned where you find a good steak steak spelt like I WANNA kill Fuckin- vampire here in Argentina. We have the best meat in the world. It's insane the quality. I've had the possibility to travel to many countries and I've never taste better. Meet than here is like the cheese for the French or the tacos for the Mexicans. I guess that you imagine art Argentina like if we live in the sand hunting for food like National Geographic. No I don't you can't now. I don't see that works both ways. They always say Americans are ignorant. You know what I mean you guys are your whole fucking idea of us is ignorant is ignorant of us like first of all like you guys are fucking brilliant like I'm going to go down to Argentina and everybody's going to be looking through a telescope and is going to be proficient in like calculus. Give me a fucking break. You just like me all right. You're trying to get a sandwich trying to get laid. You want the fuck. I'm doing all right. I'm done reading this. I get it you guys are fucking awesome fans and I would like to go down there. I would like to learn your language and I would like to have you fucking Kobe beef. Okay they do those those Argentinian restaurants other ones over they keep bringing racks and racks and racks of meat. Yeah I don't like Shut Char. I don't know what the word I first of all I ever feel worthy of eating like that like I just conquered some cash like you're a king. Yeah Yeah I don't like that's one of those things they bring around all the meat and it's just like you know. Bobbie used to go up to that one right up the street. Yeah and they absolutely loved it. I've never been any of those restaurants. Yeah I was never into that That style why I don't know I would just rather just have like the one steak. Yeah I eat too much when I go there. The guy comes up. It's like the three musketeers. And they come up roast beef ham and fucking something else. I will have all of that. Bring on the winches. All right blasted a girl in the face and self defense need advice all right. Well let's see if this was self defense G. O. J. J. J. We go. Hey Bill I need your help. Punch my best punch people. Can you proof? Read Your Shit. Hey Bill I need your help punch. Best Friend's girl. I have passed six months. Is this another guy from Argentina? This better be a second fucking language. People are you. I've actually found someone dumber than I am. I have passed six months for the past six months. I've lived with my three best friends until one of them decided to move move their girlfriend who was used to. Mommy and Daddy. Who's used to Mommy Daddy? Buying her ship in with us. All right Syria an attitude towards earth. That isn't good at first. I was okay with it because it was less money. Okay so basically. He's living in this flat and one of the guys brought the girl in the first. He didn't mind because it was. It was cheaper but after two weeks. She showed a true color. She acted like a bitch that traded periods with blue whale. This is definitely a second language from Borat. She complains that the food we bought was too cheap or the Living Room. Furniture was too cheap and tacky looking That was not the worst her and her best friend argued nonstop from morning tonight or would have allowed drunk makeup sex. That's her in the boyfriend The most horrible thing she would do was if one of her roommates would tell her about herself. She would tell or best friend in that hotel or something about what? The fuck is with these emails this week anyways. So this girl's annoying him he puts up with until the Super Bowl night. My condolences by the way. Thank you go. Fuck yourself if you not serious every everyone had left the place because there was a campus party and I did not want to go This is the problem happened about a half. `Bout at halftime show. The girlfriend walks in Shit House with above four for France. This is an American rightness. I stand corrected. We are stupid. They sit in the den with me being loud as shit. Then they all start singing along to Madonna during the halftime show. I just WANNA take a bottle jammed in my years. Just before the second half is start I inform them that I want that if they want to stay the after. Shut the fuck up. The girl makes a racial comment Towards you I'm assuming I call her a whoring count next thing I know she is on punching me. I push her off but she sinks her Mr Ed Teeth in my fucking arm and won't let go so I had no choice but to blaster in the face. Her friends pick her up and carry two or to a room and she's knocked out cold guy really you got you got all of that did you. Did you push your way with the forearm that she had the teeth in and then bring her immediately back to your body as you drew your fist back. And why is that how it went down because that's Ticor does if she's biting you I'm anyways. Well I rush to the ER to get eight stitches in my arms. Jesus Christ that's amazing to be able to do that with human teeth. See this yeah. This is brutal flash forward two weeks. Nobody in the House will talk to me then when I get off work. Everybody's sitting Living Room with college counseling intervention style. They tell me. My girlfriend is scared for her life. And I need to go to anger management or I have to move. I look at my friends who know me all my life that I would never hit anybody even a woman unless I had to disbelief so bill should I go to anger management to appease them or just ignore her. Because I'm sure as hell moving out of the house. Thanks just move out to just move up. It's it's it's not. It's not worth it and chances. Are Everybody all the other roommates. Now this girl's a psycho too. But she's such a psycho that they're afraid to say look what somebody's biting you to the point that you have to get stitches. I mean what are you supposed to do now? They'd hearts? We stopped talking through. Women's should not Hitman. Because it's not it's not a fair to them if they hit you back to get upset. You shouldn't you shouldn't be doing that. This is by the way this is all everything he said was true. Did say something racial. Yeah so if everything you're saying is true I would just I would just move out. Yeah just just get away. It's a it's a bad situation. Walkaway be glad that she didn't fucking call the COPS. You always got to get the last. It could have been worse. Just just move out. Move out quietly. Don't have any contact with that guy and his girlfriend anymore. Don't hang out with them if they're going to be if everyone's hanging out and they're going to be there. Don't go just don't whether you annoy me with this. You know to know this is if it went down the way this guy said it went down. This girl got what she deserved. And someone like this. The last thing they can never handle in life is when they get something that deserve Sir Right now. So what she has to do is she has to get another the final blow. You know. I'm GonNa get you in trouble. I'm GonNa tell on you. I'm GonNa Anger Management and you don't have to go through the pain in the ass of having to move and then she's going to sit there all county as he moves out like doing that shit and it's making me. WanNa hit her because it could have been worse because if she had gotten you arrested that the whole thing is a good one should've kicked my neighbors ass. Yes generally speaking Oregon. Hey Bill that's East Coast Oak? That's why people bitch with podcast. I need some advice on what to do about the guy. This guy lives in a few houses down from me. I'm a third year college student and I live at home. My parents moved to go live in the state above mine. You mean north and I currently reside alone while they are trying to sell the house a few months ago I was driving home coming back from Jim and while I was driving in my neighborhood I saw this guy step in the middle of the road about twenty yards from my car. He was yelling at me but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I slowed down. Stopped my car right in front of him and he came to my window and told me to get out. I was totally confused and thought I'd run over. I ran over his cat or something. Also I think just moved in because I never seen the dude in my life so I roll down the window or Nasr. What did you say he goes? I'm going to kick your fucking ask it out of the car guys probably in his forties and has to be around five ten. That is this me. Fifty pounds us not me. I'm twenty one. Six three two hundred I do cross fit and I wrestle occasionally at another gym I go to so I get out of the car and I'm standing there trying to figure out what the Hell is going on. The Guy starts moving towards me so I take the initiative and take a step towards him. We ended up being an inch from each other. And he's trying to do some Alpha male ship by just staring at me but I have the height advantage so I'm looking down at him. At least ten seconds go by before the guy goes. How fast do you? You were going back there. I Say I duNno probably around thirty the speed limit. My neighborhood is twenty and I know I wasn't going that much over. Then he goes. I'M NOT GONNA have my children playing in the yard if I know assholes like you are driving like that in the neighborhood after. He said that I saw his wife and son were a little off to the side of the road. Once the word asshole left his mouth. I was fucking pissed. I wanted to just tackle the Dick and put him to sleep in front of his and kid to teach them a lesson what I proceed out and just apologize to him and said that I was really sully. Sorry and it wouldn't happen again. The guy then gives me a fucking little SMIRK and turns around and says while walking away with his back turned it better. Not or you know what will happen. yeah yeah. He definitely should've kicked his ass kicked his ass. Yeah what do you realize? What a good do you realize what this kid did. He such a fucking gentleman. He could've kicked a fucking shit on this guy. He saw his wife and Kid. There would have been emasculating. Dad Is Superman. He sits there. It's that little smark. Yeah that fucking smart. I bet that constables from work. Yeah Betty sorry. That's the first time I had to walk away. You fucking count. Yeah he should've kicked that guy's ass but it's a good. I know that you didn't do it. But because this is the person as they say but he definitely has a common rights that Shit I wanted to explode I mean the guy totally disrespect me so I get in my car and drive off and the story wrong. I couldn't get this fucking guy out of my head. I I can't get out of my head. I'm GonNa Actually fantasize that I was there and he did that what I would WANNA do. I've already fucking do. I wait till he was alone. Don't do this shit. Don't do this but I know what you just WanNa get. Get The guy alone and be like. Hey what are you gonNA do? Now what are you GonNa do now? Just get right in his fuck and grill an avid backed down. Or I almost to say guy. Say listen man just call them over to the car and just say listen. I just wanted you to know the other day that I wanted to. I could have fucking stuffed you in my trunk tied you up like a fucking pressel and ass rate you in front of your fucking wife but I chose not to okay. Because I didn't want your son to know what a little fucking against say it. Let's see he has for. That wouldn't have been homophobic either. I wouldn't be me talking about gay people at such a fucking pussy move. Yeah and if for some reason but but I'm putting no then that's what you say. Maybe do like Columbo to say listen. I gotta ask you something. 'cause I'm six foot three I cross fit I wrestle. Okay and just looking at you. I know I could tie into a pretzel. I know it could do it if I wanted to. Put the confidence you had. I just want to know what is your background. You know because you know. I'm a real competitive guy you know. If you've got some sort of martial arts training you know I would love to. Have you come down to the gym sometime when you wife and kid aren't there so I don't have to feel guilty when I you up close both your is this one and his friend over here say I read it? I know because what's happening now. This is what happens when you do the right thing in life. Okay when you know. He eats away. You HAVE TO MAKE PEACE. You have to make peace and you and you gotTa tell yourself the live at someday. This guy's GonNa get his and you know what he doesn't guys like this don't get. There's that's mark. This kicked kid really painted a fucking picture. I can just driving me nuts. He Goes. I couldn't get this guy in my head a week went by and I was still thinking about that astle too. I would think about this twenty years from now two weeks later I was driving home from school and I see the guy rolling his garbage can out to the curb. I slow down to fucking under twenty and I know this because I looked at my top speedometer. I pretend to stare the guy down so I look at him and he looks at me and Yell slowed out. Wow now when he said that I am fucking raging. I wanted to stop my car and do some ground and pound on his face. Yeah this kid knows what he's doing. This isn't wrestling with kids doing shit but did I know I just drove off the next day. I talked to my friend about it about what had happened. And he said that this guy said the same shit to him if he said he would put him on his ass I know. Do you know what I would have done. He told me that if he says he's GonNa kick your ass than that's a threat so you can defend yourself. Don't listen to you dumb friend. He saying you get arrested so a few months pass and I'm still thinking about this asshole. Every time I drive by his house fast forward to yesterday and I'm I'm biking in my neighborhood. Let's do an Ihop and I hear a honk from behind me so I pull my bike over to the side of the road and it's none other than the same dude in his Ford. F One fifty driving along a looks at me and gives me the middle fucking finger. Wow now granted. I was in the middle of the road and didn't hear the guy coming because I was listening to music but still the middle finger so I bike home. Take a shower and try to convince myself to walk over to house and confront him but after a couple minutes of pacing. I just decided to wait it out until the ASTLE does one more thing. I mean I don't WanNa get arrested so my question is what the hell should I do? I mean every time I drive by this guy's house now I want fucking veer off the road and ran my current to middle of his living room. Any advice would be good. All of my friends think I should go over there but I want a second opinion you can't do anything to this guy unless he puts his hands on unless he puts his hands on ulysses. Just one of these things but you can do to him. What he's doing to you. This guy has an insane temper so You know I'm not advocating legally so you don't do this but like I don't know what next time you know if you see him out in the yard or something. This is what you do. I have a great idea. Do you have any friends who are really good mechanically Why don't you take credit card out? Go down to the fucking auto store or go online and buy like one of those fucking train horns and have it installed in your car and next time you drive down the street just be sort of zigzagging down the street just to get this guy to be fucking you know getting all like fucking the second you start screaming you lay on. That fucking Horn is loud as humanly possible in your blow out his eardrums. That's what would but then again then known Douche like this he would say that I have permanent hearing damage. You know what I think he should do. Maybe because I'm a female and I'm all about cycle revenge warfare. Which should you what should you do? I think when the husband is not home. I don't know how if he knows the schedule. Whatever he needs to go over there when the wife is at home and be like listen. You know I'm so sorry about the time I was speeding. I really you know but your your husband seems really upset. I'm really not trying to be like that. I would never do anything like that and women I oh no no no because she knows her husband is a psycho she could turn it around and be like yeah. You should do that either but I have a feeling. She's not like that and he can just go over and just make nice and be like the sweet kid. That's helping out at the French. And then but then I feel like maybe that would fuck with the husband. And he's like sitting there sipping tea with the wife and Oh look who came ought just wanted to apologize in person you know. I don't know who is the wife. They no no no he should fuck. You should fuck play with his kid in the backyard like the toss a football around him be more than happy to just start giving them the finger. Listen this is all you gotta do is just give him the finger give them the finger right back because this guy thinks you're a bitch right now so all you gotta do is just yell back to say you know. Just give them the finger yell back at him when he's in the driveway. I would like swerve at him. And then swerved back just fuck with the guy. He's just do that once because the next time. You might have like a video camera but I I just don't want any I don't get any you know. What if I was in that situation? You know what I would do. Yeah name morning quarterback look. I was in that situation with that. Other guy right at the last place we lived and I didn't fuck with him because he was an old guy. I just didn't fuck with them and find out he has dementia and Shit so I'm site. I never yelled at the guy you know what you do now would really diffuses angry guys like that are makes them. Even more angry is just laugh at them. Just keep laughing at them. Laugh Adam give them the finger and just keep calling them tough guy right tough guy anything anything you just keep calling them anything that is remotely all right there. Chuck Norris anyone say to this guy that will bait him into hitting you? This is a really fucked. This is a great question and I don't want to get in trouble if some shit coast so. You shouldn't do anything sir. Wink Wink Wink. This guy's such a Dick I I know I always say you know fucking with. Somebody's car is like a pussy. Move with this guy's such a Dick and he has such a own. My God dude. How many times? You've thought about throats just choke slamming. That guy ran into the hood of your car. Repeatedly his wife and son on Benji like apprentice on asks rape here. Nobody if you just said it really calmly you said a comedy was sort of a smile on your face. You come off like fucking maniac. Yeah that's true. If you scream at somebody you just sound like you're quoting Cogan or something right. Let me tell you something brother come into Saturday. I'm going to ask you All right overrated underrated underrated female friends. I just broke up with my with my lady my girlfriend. She was a great woman but she didn't live in my city and there was some other issues and it was not the right fit even though I was completely honest and open this girl once I knew it was over. I broke up with her the nicest way I could. Nevertheless it's hard to walk away from an otherwise great girlfriend. I totally felt guilty about it. When I mentioned this. Some of my guy friends they were like. Oh Cy abro bomber. Let's go get drinks. Which was Nice in? Its own way but women with in my life immediately looked in on me and showered me with the degree of validation support and encouragement without ever questioning my decision. Yeah I would think at one of them would at least give you a handy. I was their friend so whatever I did was right and I was automatically an awesome person. It was a little orientation because I felt like they were. They weren't really looking at any of the circumstances of the logic behind my decision but it felt really good while that guy just generally likes the company females. I thought it was GONNA come around. And then they felt bad for me and one of them blew me. You need female friends man all right overrated female friends. I I don't know what it is about females that that they are programmed to behave in a way that that grants their friends blanket validations without question or hesitation scarlet loyalty. But come on you guys. You guys have loyalty in certain areas. Come on but why. Well I know a lot of women who say. I don't have any female friends. I can't hang out with women that you petty and Blah Blah Blah but. I don't know any guys who go. I don't have any guy friends. I find them to petty the childish. Yada Yada Yada. I know guys that are like that. They don't they prefer hanging out with girls because they WANNA fuck him no because they like talking about stuff and whatever and like doing activities just WanNa you know I. I've I've heard this from straight man. Who Do you know like that? I know a straight guy like that like all. His friends are chicks and they kind of do that whole blanket. Oh everything you do is awesome. I can't believe that person broke up with you so sad. Let me take care of you. Oh He's a Momma's boy. I talked about a guy guys. Say He's a guy's guy. Oh we isn't no. I would say that he is guys guys. Don't just hang out with women. They maybe he's on a guy's guy he's definitely like a masculine guy. You wouldn't take him for. I'm not saying he's gay. I'm just saying he's like a mama's boy grew up around. Women may be probably doesn't like wouldn't probably doesn't like ball breaking probably finds that childish. Yes actually exactly okay. He's not good at it always loses and then he gets he gets mad and his ears turn red and everybody makes fun of them on the playground. Let me go hang out with you. Know all these women who replaced my mommy. Let me guess does he? Liked to cook too But if this is what I know this guy all right but if this is what their support network looks like. I'm getting back to this thing it. All of a sudden made a lot more sense to me that this is how girls rationalized and perpetuate horrific decisions that make no rational sense. Find a nickel for every time. I was a victim of chick logic. I would have a huge goddamn pile of Nichols on the other hand. I would make a lot more terrible decisions to if every time I made one of my group of if every time I made one everyone in my group of friends validated me. Thank you to my guy friends for calling me out on my bullshit. So let's say as a guy sees He sees both sides lead with sympathy rather than well. What what was your part in this whole thing? We've definitely don't you end with with Shit? Talk Talk when they leave the room. Hey I realize I have a couple more reads. I have to Amazon. Dot Com has been a great thing. I don't know if you heard about this if you're GonNa go to you do it too if you're going to go to Amazon DOT COM. That's saying you have to near. There's no pressure this is the low pressure sale. But if you're if you'RE GONNA go there and buy some stuff a- just go to bill. Burr DOT COM. Click on the podcast page and you click on the Little Amazon link. I've already done it you've already done. I have and it's easy and you can do it to you. Click on it and then you go down if you want to buy something you buy right. And I'll get credit. They give me a little kickback. And ten percent of it I send the wounded warriors project. How great is that great organizaion by the way where I'm actually? I'm doing my special in DC coming up. And my publicist were trying to Hook some of the troops out there. Yeah warriors it's a great idea but I'm GONNA try to make it over to Walter Reed and some of those places now. Dvd's bring a little Christmas and much. I am Yes please. It's a it's a great cause it really. It really is a great cause and something that you know. It's just one of those things. It's like rescue dogs he kissed. You can't mess with that like why don't you go down there and help on it? You know compare human beings to rescue dogs on the worst. I'm just saying it's just something that you can't you can't you can't fuck with the people that are that are going over there for whatever your feelings are about that whole war on terror. Don't oversell it. I'm just saying what do men and women over there. It's it's hard over there. Who among us would do what they do exactly that me? I'm here and Pajama Bottoms. It's almost eleven in the morning and I am the furthest thing from a hero if you look up anti hero in the dictionary is a picture of me with my Pajama Bottoms. On all right STAMPS DOT com. Everybody this site is blowing up a DA. Going to the post office. Sure we all do even going down to buy stamps. Even using their automated machine. You'll always end up behind some guy who's got to figure out how to weigh his package and I don't know what I'm doing. You know Freddie twelve fingers trying to figure out how to do it well. This is the deal. Stamps DOT COM. Sign up with these guys. They send you a they. Give you all this paper. You can print out stamps at home. If you're sitting there. I got a mail something. Ooh I need stamps. It's a mere click away at stamps. Dot Com I printed out all these stamps I've mailed DVD's way in my stuff all right. It's awesome I wear a little mister mcfeely speedy delivery hat now. I love it. I'm a grumpy old man who does not like progress. This used to be a ham store. I love stamps. He's had stores that just sold Ham. Sorry I just thought of a big thing. Ham Ham store your window. Ham Roast beef anyways. What's Damn spot dot com as I said you can buy imprint official? Us postage using your own computer and printer. You can print stamps and shipping labels for any letter a package because they give you that scale the instant you need it then. The mailman comes to house and they pick it up. You'll never have to go to the post office again phenomenal whatever. I'm a busy guy. I don't like going down the media. I'm on the road all the time. Last thing I WANNA do is getting a car and going another damn journey. I want to sit here. And my boxer briefs pay the man and go right back to TV and play a couple of games that I got a game fly dot com and then fender escape predictors on and go down. That's right so right. I'm going to be like the Stock Car Guy. They start putting the hats on. Yeah but listen to this special offer right now if you go to stamps dot com. This is a special offer for my listeners. Only use the last name Berbie. You are for a no risk trial. Plus you get one hundred ten dollars. Bonus awful offer that includes a digital scale and fifty five dollars free postage fifty five bucks. That's yeah that's like three months of posted for the regular person. All right won't cost you a damn dime so go to the stamps dot com before you do anything else. Click on the radio. Microphone at the top of the homepage. And you type in burpee. You are to get your fifty five dollars in free. Postage is plus one hundred ten dollar bonus on that is included so giving up fifty five dollars worth of stuff in a free scale or whatever the hell it is. I don't know it's a damn good deal a damn good deal and you know what this was a good deal. Another podcast hour and twenty five minutes and epic podcasts. I hope you guys. That's it. Is that it for February. No this week I will be at the comedy works in Denver and it's coming down to come down to it in the I got this special down and I think it's GonNa be special. Do you have a name for it yet? Somebody in a good friend of mine for a long time. Who if I if I name the special? I think I'm going to name it this. I'm not GonNa say what it is yet. I'm not sold on it and I really like it and last thing I want to do is put it out there and every stupid name okay. We'll tell me off air. I'm going to call it all right. Whatever all right that's the podcast. This week go fuck yourselves. Don't take any shit and that guy the dude there with the psycho neighbor. I'm telling you just shake your head. Just laugh at them. Nothing good is GonNa come from actually doing something to that guy. I don't think you'll get any satisfaction if you figure out what is insurance deductible is you. Keep doing damage to his truck. That's just under it. I really don't think that you'll get any satisfaction on someday. You'll feel guilty if you do something like that all right. That is the Wing no don't do that. I think I think I think you go mental on this guy. You can't go physical. That's what I would just drive by and I would put the car in neutral you glide by just beeping the Horn. Love Your Truck. You put on weight. I look adorable I would be the most. That's what I would do. I would be absolutely obnoxious. What if you just loaded up your if he was out in the front yard and you just kept driving back and forth with your friends in the car and just kept driving his car going driving back and forth. Just keep waving at him. What do you say that Shamali or twenty pizzas delivered to his door? There's all kinds of just fuck with his World Dunno. You will get no satisfaction out of doing that. That Jesus Raw. Don't fire senior DEL. The father

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