189: How Not to Get Divorced with Sam Pamphilon
Right and levels are good. Do you want to introduce this Helen Yep Pamphlet? Long? Yeah. I mean, you can say it less likely this difficult to pronounce. Chinese. I just get nervous a little bit less reading ancient scripture. Exit. To the PUMPKIN. Just. Make the symbols. Long, this was his. Tacarto rhythm could. All right. I'll do it to do it most lyrically ready. This. Mummies. Hello and welcome to the scummy Mommy's podcast. It's me Helen thought is being a Gibson and guess what La, what we've got San Panfilova the forecast guys say your name okay. Did it was Melissa Lewis the way you said it Call, you. Because I can say it nicely you can. We also excited happiness is actually back. To, your guest I know I'm very honored. Last time you idea the blow td thank God. You've got rid of him. These he goes on a is takes up too much of the I'm going to do on my own now on. I'll crumble him. That's it. You wearing a double at least technically thing is like marriage. You're always kind of involve if you're married. This is foreshadowing. Married Have Kids. You are always going to be connected to that person via the kids mean Steve It's like the things that we did our the babies the horrible ugly forgotten baby. As we always going to be forever in a way a pair right whether we're doing something actively or not right That's a lovely. I mean that was what I said that I felt that was horrible and scary. No. Forever linked this. Met Him linked to this man forever Shane is chained fair enough. Well, I didn't hear the last podcast you run you Sam Pam. I'm Sam Pump Fulham. Correct. then. You say what you do Yeah, I didn't. Say You sexual preferences we don't. Sexual. PREF. Preference issued preferences the preferences. It's just preference. You're choosing. Yeah. Can Sex how always? Really means not. Gender and Sexuality Oh yeah. No I mean know what you like. Rain. Up The bat way around. I think my favorite is sixty six. That's just cuddling. fooding. That's sixty six I can't on. These kicks. Release but also apart from. Backside of course, offs straight. Looking. Young cuddle. Is You cuddle? spooning. Like on. Frosty in the relationship an eleven. Yeah Fair enough. Yes. What'd you do for a living or something well before? The Times. The Times. Working as an actor on writing comedy show for Edinburgh. Got It all nearly done and I just I our preview going really well and lockdown happened and I thought you know what could be a great time it's going to be great time. So what happened is my? Ex Wife, she took the boys up Yorkshire down figured they'd be in the countryside with their grandparents a ride on tractor. They're gonNA love it at been stopping to to both flat halftime in London who the let's do that. Then that nine weeks. But. The idea was a good time that the kids and then I can really hone show and you know I'll do what do all. Broke on online only fans came to me said hey one only fast. You've made money. I'll do that I'll do shows and had planned out and I didn't do fucking any of it. My inspiration for one of. My ambition just dried up because it just became about. What we having for lunch and are we doing squats today? Let's go for us, state-sanctioned walk around the power. And I saw started living this quite so North Korean lifestyle. Yes. I really into but the album was go online and people like, Hey, what's my new BBC podcast thing like half fuck you guys. Want, that Bags like, Hey, I'm just really using this time to think about my mental health Joe I'll have to come off twitter and facebook deal with no never thought I would was always on twitter always just checking sang. Just dissolving. Morale Yeah. So by coming off social media stopped comparing myself as my therapist said benefits quotes. Comparison is the thief of Joy Yeah which I don't think she made that up but it A. Big Book that those people have that have. Stock does a Samantha Fox News. In another podcast the other day but she When she comes. On the podcast now. Put Us these thirty day and I was talking about the video game Samantha Fox Strip Poker which I'm sure you're familiar with from the yes. So I was talking about Sam Fox and they were not. That and I was like you know who Sam Fox's. I'd never felt. So well, she was the first woman to win the Booker Prize you. Didn't if they believe me. But you honestly have never been very good at. Steve Martin comedy partner is very good fan engagement or viewer engagement and streams and does well, that's the whole point is you maintain a relationship these people. I try and maintain shit with my girlfriend and my kids Um. And I don't have I'm just not that relentless I think to be kind of an Instagram, a person or regular podcast person or influence a person or streamer you need to have this relentless drive to to do it. Yeah. No one is asking you to do it and I don't have that especially if you're not with your partner and you're on your own because we did, you think what's was coming in every Friday night where at half eight, we would do winstrom show for half an hour I never missed fuck you. One our stoker's. Hecklers. Boys think you like milk at. Your Grandma's dead. unanimous. Because it's so true. She was one hundred. Innings boys tell you. It was so funny the point where we can make jokes about it. You you teasing their own people. Yeah. So I, I. Really I enjoyed that. But yeah, there were. So you'll notice that. I'm forty three boys and very sorry it's hard if you haven't gotten. Much never person that I'm obligated to do something then you know. The acting yeah because someone. You do this. Well, okay. I'll do that. Well okay. Now you can do that on the Cameron you go. Okay and then some of those you have to be here then and this person's going to take you there. They'll tell you when it's ready. All you gotTa do is do that thing that you realize doing, which is the pretending yes. Someone else who's going to brush your hair and pain? Your is an Alexa. Got Right is not the stuff you get money at the end of a year and they have to pay you with certain amount of time. It's it's almost like it's functioning industry. Yeah. Whereas the other stuff that is so holistic where you have to do everything I'm never going to be across it. I'm a good partner. Yeah, I'm not. Saying be Ole Bay when my favorite quotes from absolutely fabulous is that you can't have two racehorses in the pen they'll kick each other to death. So you need a lovely appraisals in a donkey. gratings. Schwab. Donkey. Happy to be the don't the donkey. Comfy. Sometimes. Massive donkey giant. Loose flapping prophylactic people. China's. Thought really comfortable. With the meals. Carry the weight yes. But we do it well. I WANNA say Elliot's a therapist she is the show Horse Gymkhana. Top patio door to they wear. Top hats the horses. That's the man goes fast and everyone looks at her she's got the expensive come. Baggage. Maintaining. Little Straw hats. As far as we can with that I think. You've taken this there. Sorry sat a man. Child. What? And Yeah did did you get? Did you did you spit chef right more into cooking every lockdown or was it another like can't be asked with them Into every meal then because you go to the shops wants today. Traded that feel spoiled we had a little right next to us all might or not search. You'd have Tenggara minutes in. Little. Cubes Puffy but there was no food. So you had to become quite good. Well, guess we having had A. Again. As Did you ever signature lockdown dish hey. Several. But partners favorite when my favorites. Just breast of. Duck. Cooking, skin. Side down. Slowly and Cope Hamburg to temperature. Really render that skin dance it's within Chris Benign. Finish off in the oven. Finished with butter take out drain as well. seasoned. Let that rest and then we got wrote probably beetroots. So really nice and so we made roast the beetroot. Patriots. Oil. Well. It's tasty. Saw It does taste assume tasty soil. Paint. Maybe you're into that. There I'm colorblind but. Yeah how'd you now if you if you if you can't. Feature on my. Shit, you have to go to get someone's check. Anything I will die bound cancer because. Red Room. As, long as I don't have to wipe any more than fifteen times. In. Fine I, what do you say that when we would see red? What did you see? You see in black and white like a Dog Say, he's just the the information goes to my brain room so so For Color is what do you? Same fucking color. Stop pointing it. Wrong. Stein go sky on. This you are. It's blue AIDS booking stevie wonder. Sung about. Watch. Out Buck trying. As, Fred Slam colorblind. Decipher. That's tricky. Because we've got in between thing, that's a make could be purple is or dark blue or it could be green. It's a grainy dark blue. Cushions cushions and mustard. Yes. That's choke colorblind. Sometimes with yeezy pretension? No, we've talked. Teach me about my blindness I be a jet pilot because of it. Not The only reason that he's not talk onto. Yeah. Yeah. Those actors who oh God I keep getting. Being taught guns. Just. Talking to was a very good reason if you seen balcony. Cancer. Another thing I'm saying, that's why. I say on what else take the piss out of your color blindness you can take the piss out Val kilmer he's counting here. He does this. He's basically break. It's fine. Hecklers Coming Mommy's fried. Monotonous data. Falcon padlocking. Although. In the film Hey, this is the me. What's the film he again, right? He's called one big elbow. It's go one really long sticky oboe really unbelievable fucking joking giggling at home if you're listening to this calculus elbow. Heat. Gun Oboe is on mom. Yeah. Four when it's bent tangle goes further. than his. Suck. Hang he's like he's wearing a suit of armor just might made out of elbow skin. We can calculate soundbites indie film that fracture you she. Found kilmer's Alvar I'd probably. Taking the PISS UP. A terrible comment about volcanoes? Life threatening illness not funny now. That I did about that I, wish hadn't. He's he gained a lot of weight. That's Because the volleyball thing would be awful him Oh fattened smoking through a hole in his neck. I think they should and they should put you in the voting. Because I'm. Still. Not Men in that May. Have a similar sort of gelatinous failed to my midriff. Could've been. Is Still Oh. He's condition always he's just always perfect. Awfully Tom Cruise. A bad word about him. Very. Same view when he comes out. In one hundred fucking is. Protected by the alien. Spaceship. Blood, he's been drinking or whatever. They do not freaky blue building. He would you? Know. is on building. Should we should we get into the nitty gritty thinks I. Let's see. Some feels like we've already got. Lung Crown. He's done nitty. Gritty right? Okay. So you hear a couple of years ago and since then things have changed a bit in. Your. Life. We would say like me you and now single-parent. Yes. How about? Yeah I mean well. On the kind of very lucky single parents. I. Met My partner current partner yeah. On bumble. About a month after me, my wife separated she's quite soon. Yeah. Did Lie to her and say it was at my partner. That she's that to the happens. Quite a few months. Five weeks. That's very fresh. Yeah. But you know as the relationship deteriorates, it wasn't like a fresh wound. It was more like we were caught to rising the stump. We'd give it up on reattached. Vitamin E. Cream. Helping Aloe on their Celeste burn the end. It's a lovely metaphor. Marriage. I said about Val kilmer. Tradition. So I've been very very lucky that my parents parents, my children meet my current partner. Until smooth six months yet like kept it. Separate a also I had to live with my ex wife for over a year. because. What happened was is we separated and then we went okay well, I, guess we have to. Sell the house yeah. Took fourteen months I K. Now neither of US could afford like no. Traditionally, it would be the man's role to go and get. Horrible flat, and then build sad data Christmas in it. Yeah. But I couldn't afford to do that. So what happened is I slept on a couch. For Year over year no you about a year. But then you know when I was at home looking after the children I would and. I'd sleep on the couch or I would sleep in my marital bed. My wife would sleep with her partner at the time or she was sleeping the loft. So we kind of have this weird system going on where we would always try to have. If it's your children home, the kids and the other person is elsewhere. Sometimes those things overlapped. Yeah. You ended up sleeping with her partner. I had sex with her. But one time actually I did. So we were getting in this modern rhythm where. Weaken. Minimized. The last minute does it was in the my Ex Wife and her partner in the loft room upstairs and I'd gone my stuff was awesome ourselves Russia on toothbrush up stairs. And I was upstairs and. Sleep I'm brushing my teeth I. Look in the mirror and Kinda go. This is his toothbrush. Oh Jesus. But This one, this one, one story, which I never want to put into moustache and I haven't. Done it yet because. There is no doubt. Share. But there was one day. So we were trying so hard the beginning to be civil we really working at it and for that we succeeded. Civil there was a period after his really broke down announced. It's better again. Yeah. But at one point Car was working they put two more battery in it. So someone was coming to from the. People and they come, Hey, become as jumpstart car but my partner was my ex wife wasn't going to be there. So she got she said to her partner. Could you? Meet the man he's GonNa fix the car and then drive the car around. For an hour to make sure the batteries jar and he said fun I said Cool I was I away I was like, okay that's that's fine. Also then she must have said look. My boyfriend. Wasn't going to stay over last night but has the he's got to go to work and he spilled something. He's close. CAN HE BORROW? Pants socks. and. I said. Yeah that's fine. But, then I suddenly realized that at that moment. There was a man. Who in a bed with my wife? Fox, my wife. All right. Sorry. Funny. All of my clothes. I was driving around in my car. Perfect. Won't the? Female but we. Do Nothing. It's totally he's just being incredibly helpful. Yeah. He's been nothing. Nothing but civil unhelpful ready. Have you told? The story of the time you went to your now ex husbands house. With his mother yes. The first time I met. My exit parents they quite the quite. Loud And I arrived in Nineteen Unit and I was wearing all charity shop clothes you know basically, close tight. Anyway. So. She said Oh Halen are we've got some friends coming over? Can you just pop up stay with me and so I went upstairs and she had laid out several different outfits of her clothes on the bed and she stood at the door and then said, just pick one of those outfits and come down when you're ready. Make what was I meant to do. You are very young, very young and I was like all right I'm trying to make a good impression on these lovely people. So I put on his mum's closed. Walk downstairs like wearing like this freely. Just. Remember him going what the fuck. Wearing your moms close and he's like why I was like I. Don't like. This as Being presented to their friends but these things happen and then you went outside and not the best sex of your. Life. People. Now, that's the stuff. Mummy. SPRITZ on their. Perfume it. POTPOURRI. Christ I think is quite an unusual because when he was I talking about that and you were saying and we lived in the House I, paint knock before we got married we split up for a bit and we live together in the same house because we didn't have another partner in the House I, thought you meant that your ex wife going to stay with the partner because after a while what happened so It was always kind of either meal go who didn't have child juicy. We'll go stay at someone else's house. Maybe. Just the my partner, and then after a while, what's got introduces the kids she would stay over. which is very weak because we would always come in and have to wash the sheets because you realize other people sleeping in the bed and it was very uncomfortable like we would much prefer to. Stay hers but we couldn't have the kids at her if I were to see her and I had the kids CESCO of to mind. But there were a couple of times where. In the house collecting something and I might have heard. I didn't say. I did hear something wants and I remember thinking. I don't remember hearing it like that. I think he's doing something I wasn't. Always, dress up and his MOM's clothes. Yeah. Yeah. That last smell of. Lilies and would you I mean you didn't have a choice time but having lived through that situation did you did it work? Was it? No. I don't think. I don't think divorce or separation works I. Don't think I think it can be mitigated. So they're going to be times that we've had auto flare ups and oven saying therapists He's been incredibly helpful. Get this. She works with people who can the industry and she charged me such a light and then when she went out of my work throughout locker lockup lockdown, she's been cancelling me for free. Wow absence saved my bacon because Just dealing with your ex partner who can push buttons like no one else. Realizing just sort of type with it and deal with it and It's changed my outlook on it and a lot. Khanakala. GonNa make a joke about kind of having some massive matlock sag last. Go bad again because that's one of my issues guys guys tend to I tend to downplay myself the. We'll. Probably for. Up. At, some point. But. It's interesting when I announced I was separated during lockdown are a lot of people sorriest. Donald Trump. Just. Just seem. were. So. Interesting you mentioned about having to live with your partner during separation because when I announced separate during lockdown. So many of our listeners and followers on instagram saying I got separated during because I, think it was that sort of pressure cooker situation and so so I'm sure there's lots of people listening now who had to live with their partner knowing that I was separated. House because I was forced to stay in my ex wife for forced together stay together for fiscal reasons. Yeah. But we weren't housebound. Par could still go and how we didn't. We didn't see each other a huge amount just hand handover and stuff and but yeah, I can imagine it being I don't know what we me and my current my curtain tiles curry powder that sounds forboding isn't that like My presence. We already got a couple of times a week, and then then we're living together and then we're into lockdown and so we went from. Few hours a week to all of it. Now, looking back thinking. I could have gone really wrong. That's a big risk accelerated your relationship. Then it's gone gone relationship boot Glen Yeah I. Guess. So there's driving things like you can drive in seven days. Takes ages to drive to it but no. I. Think we're kind of more solidified. We're kind of we've been through all rough and tumbles and we've had a couple of rows and we've we've definitely definitely put our finger on what what will my problems are. They are many and varied. Yeah we're really tight. It's really good. What's known as well. Rounds. I remember talking to a friend who's quite young and he was about to get married and he was like I said I'm really happy for you. Yeah. It's not great and you know we just got and say, well, we've never had a round. With those people that they'll never be around. So there is around and then off that row, one of those people is dead. It'd be the same. And then and then they did have children and and then he was like, yeah, we we brown not more now. Yeah. Isn't it. You gotTa have a what what. I didn't have. With. My ex was a way of we did not communicate healthly. So, was very much her way or no way and I would be like, fuck you I've got some opinions and I don't know how to express them but three hunger, and so there wasn't really a good way to communicate. We couldn't get stuff sorted. And both of us were left with. Eissa last week for me I was left resolve huge resentments. My felt very kind of. Rejected and unheard and. Now, I'm in a situation where I don't look at me and go. What's in there nothing should like what is it and I can say I'm not going to get someone guy well, fuck you. You shouldn't be like that. You know someone who has heard very early on all my deepest darkest she knew everything that happened in my marriage already see putting out on the table. Right away plus when I met her I was a complete fucking mess. So it's quite easy in the state that I was often in to being credibly open and honest because fire. Fox hard for that must be on for a lot of people because that's very you make yourself very vulnerable by dingle that yeah. But I mean at the time I was like, well, I'm not going to have a relationship here. The reason why you don't WanNA relationship with me. On doing this currently and like these things and this is what's happened in my marriage so Do you know just lead together and that's cool and then, and then somehow despite that said, I would like ownership and I went no. I'm going to break up with you because I'm a free spirit I meant was I wanna get drunk on my own for three more weeks. So then. She was off to play. and. And I went and did what I thought was my thang and it lasted maybe a week and a half. Called her and I said I. Miss I. Miss You. Lies. Wakes. Think. With pay. For it because we have this on and off. For married, knowing that we have this on and off thing that so eventually culminated in May Gang I. Know you know and finding US game. We agree not to even see each other as friends for. You know friends. Sex Friends. Friends who couple. Six hundred sixty nine yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we have more sex not year we were split. Up. Let's say that contest Stein not what are we doing? And Yeah and yeah, he was supposed to not for months and after three weeks he turned up basically he'd had enough of a special cigarettes. Yeah. Just saying that and drinking out of measuring jugs because you to wash your mouth. A lifestyle. It turns out you were bringing something to the table could not be replaced by him alone. Yeah. They went there and he was literally drinking of measuring Jug. And I was. Doing, and he's the monks jetty and I was like no. That's not why. You're not identifying the problem. What's the best mattress for you? If you're an egg or a kitten check out the competition. But if you're a human person, put your body on the nectar mattress as well as award-winning layers of comfort, you can sleep easy knowing you've got incredible value mattresses start at just four, hundred, ninety, nine dollars, and you get hundreds of dollars in accessories thrown in as well as three, hundred, sixty, five, night home trial, and forever warranty. Go to nectar sleep. Dot Com. So you'll. See you down a couple of years down the line. Yeah. So we we sort of met in November two, thousand, eighteen. So. Nearly. Two years with the simone nothing at the beginning. Yeah. So so you're bit you're bit closer to the star. Any advice for Helen on getting. Getting through the separation. Of brief chat before I think I think your way ahead of where I was because I was delusional at first. I was like we can do this. So cool. So. Cool We can totally talk about sex and starve and it's fine I. Want you to be happy and then she she'll say this guy, this guy's got a great day GonNa be like don't tell me. Any of those things I would I don't want to hear it ever. I I the love is gone I. I still have your Osama breaking down saying. I know we're breaking up I said, but you're still my wife it still feels like. Wasn't there yet. Other. Day about mandate light to hear about you talking about having sex with other men. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I mean. I don't mind it I. Don't mind it sexy situation Oh that's fine. Okay. Tell me about things you've done. That's great. But in the very rare situation that we've been married. We've just broken up I don't WanNa hear about any guys, dicks. How else was I gonNA find out that. You get that from books. You get that from Santangelo yeah. Kim podcast. Yeah, yeah ours. Is however however cool. You think you being so we did that but then we. Realized quickly. The animosities that we had an baggage that I had wasn't going to go away just by in fact, he's going to be amplified because now I don't have to try make up with you actually can just be angry with you all the time so there was lots of that. and. And lots of mean things were said but at the end of the day where we agree on their kids and we buy three love move both get parents to them. And actually the petty bullshit if you can get past it because petty bullshit. Stuff stuff is conscious discount. It's fucking real. Golden Rule is yet you love you more than you hate your ex that is that. Eventually you do. Yeah. Okay Yeah, okay Trade again, the cars I was thinking. I was thinking of things that we talk about our thinking you know yeah you love your kids more than you might hit your eggs. Then how come I prioritize being so fucking angry. Because you're allowed to be angry. Yes. But. Yeah and your life's work is that what you're saying just lying seething working out what kind of wicked legal loyal like fucking whatsapp you can center there was. A huge email. No one could read this and not be on my side. Then, she just wipe out actually I think that's bullshit you. Will Not stand up in court and I've said that. That message is. Not found nothing. Calls. We're just being dicks to each other. And you're working it out because you type angrily which fucking blueberry was drawers. Soft and there's nothing there is haptic fucking feedback. Buttons fucking thought by just got. One Roll up at sticking. His. Neck. This could mean a good place now those. Calm. Still. It's still there. A. Have to talk about this if you don't want to cut out I, remember I think how I found out about the breakup. You did a facebook page yes, you're. King of Johnny and Gorgeous, and it was very quite funny. Sweet statement saying that this happened we're splitting up. It's cool to be friends the manifestos it was. Your press release. Yeah. I mean. Looking back firstly, having done that annoys me 'cause that's very twenty. It did serve a purpose in the I didn't tell everyone I saw you remember seeing people normally. It's the head tilts and yeah. Happy explain people know we separated but we're terms because telling people that you're separated is it's okay for the first few people but then it gets it's just tiring and a pain in the ass and you dislike I don't want to eat don't need to know why. But the issue with came the. A by the time, I would see people they would read the thing we were like, Hey, we just love kids and we're going to be the hey, good turns together and we you know we little love their whole kind of cream g fucking. Aren't we call and choosing a photo in which she got final choice overseas I didn't look as good as dead. Laws. Is that what? You're wearing a SOMBRERO quotable confirmed. There's a couple of we're on pretty handsome. Fumble per hour through the other day. I fucking how. They. Just have to clean jewelry and they're just a bit of paint. Dischord to just like put. Choose another because they've gotten the other photos because that's before the hatred infected as. Remnants of divorce. Get. Them there's obviously four kids and just blocked those out and no children. Like all these people were killed. Difference. The hostage situation is that you get on. Going straight. Oh My. Regret would you advise someone going for it? Is it to what happened was then is people come go hey man I saw union parents but. It's so cool. You guys are so called an in my head I'd be thinking it's not called. Just. Angry all the time. My fucking percents. What's cool about this? He sounded good. Are What? He's got my keys Conley. Book about how not to get divorced yet but I mean I think everyone is every single divorce bay. How not to do? Yes. Dif- different ways. Yeah. You get there. Is wonky little. Say Yeah. Maybe having a goal. The the thing is we started the goal which was for us to be happy together. Yes. Together happy to Co parent and be good for the kids that is the plan. In the middle bit we were like, fuck that ever happening we both said it. This is off yeah we are never getting on. And then you revise it back down to a level of civility. Yeah. You think okay. I. Can maintain not like I'm not going to argue with you. and. I'm going to you know virtually or Walk away from things. The are potentially inflammatory, and if I'm being asked something and I can't do it. On before threatened saying can't do it and just no to you their. Boundary suit wasn't any boundaries then there was all boundaries and now it's kind of. A A. That see where we are. In this, trying to do a bit more maturity. Saying this now, I'll come back on in two years time ago, oh? Yeah. No, she died. Did she. was always to know. Someone did something awful. She's not here anymore. In jail now so That same talking about boundaries last year that did not work I is this how I'm your therapist now I'm not doing mediation. Now you say to San what you've just heard. I think this is really healthy because I think we all have great intentions when we're in that weird shock for the first couple months is to shock you just kind of going what the fuck just happened. I was on one particular path I was like, yeah I'm married to this guy and then the kids are going to do this and then we're gonNA get old and we're going to renovate the house I'm going to. So you you're on one particular trajectory that all of a sudden through sometimes not your sometimes it is your decision you have to create a whole new path. Talks with it's insane because it's like a dying and being reborn someone else. Because everything you thought your life was going to be is now gone. You know you've in marriage of times think ahead of stuff like Jeez. I'm. Fifty That will God you going to do this? So there were lots of PAS. Oh. Shit. All that stuff's opened up again but all that really secure stuff is gone away. You have to buy yourself a whole new wardrobe. Yes. It six and it's scary but he gets he gets less like. Know people die sometimes you're like, oh my God I couldn't even imagine it. Yeah. The dead for like two years he like. Out. About it. For the died you would. Still Again Sat She was the. One, hundred hundred. I am over you know. It's always going to be a thing. Absolutely and. You described it as about a bull in a box. Is that right? Oh? That's not something I. Don't know read that somewhere. Then probably appropriate it sounds as if sounds like most of you. Just rebranded and so I read the same, which is about grief. Nickel of grief in. So. When the when the instant I happen whether it's the death toll, the break-up, the grief is huge ball inside the box and every time the ball touches, the side of the box, and that's pain year, and then over time the ball like moldy line let's say that that's my that's why I'm bringing high. Shrinks. Get Brown and golf ball luckily. Swimming Pool ranks yes and so it hits the signs of the box less often, and so the pain is obviously less but the trick is the smaller it gets also. Forget about it then sometimes when it does hit the side of the box, it's frogs. Blindside you and that is its own kind of thing. What I'm saying is you've got more pain to come guys. That is what I WANNA eat. Good News as a complete surprise. fucking. Welcome. Now I just thought. That's yeah. Surely, it's a relief to know the ball is getting. Yeah it is and it's and it's when they think because you get through bits we speak one day I'm not sad. Sad thing and there are just little milestones that you get. And I'm so happy instead of going what my lacking it's what am I gaining and j the healing process is. Amazing because you can help along but you have to kind of. This thing on the thing is is I was never much for positive thought. And just as he was going to go wrong. And I'm kinda stopping doing that. So you know how you feel about stuff and how you are moment. Yeah you're gonNA, have moments more than likely where you're gonNA go faulkner that really stinks at the moment or that's something new happens or there's a new revelation or someone says something and Shitty of course that's going to happen but you slice stock market it trending upwards trend too. When you look at it over time like a straight line going up and you bring up closer the period of time it's all just like A. Electricity he's going to get. Perspective. You Push IT trends up towards. So you find overtime. Investments Yeah I don't invest in the short term. We're investing long term that it's the long game in terms of boys as well if you got any advice. You, learned I guess from how you deal with kids with all this is how much do you share with them and and how'd you manage it? When you feeding side? You don't feel not being happy today or wherever is sometimes I'm just grumpy daddy but then they'll laugh at me for being grumpy they're amazing I think they're incredibly resilient they talk about. Having to homes, MOM's place and Daddy and Daddy's house. They're desperate for me to marry dotty Emerson keeps, making rings making boxes. Going you have to take Tatyana date. He thinks going on a day is getting married yes. He wants a brother or sister they both do. All this stuff. But. You know. But me and the mummy makes show. You know we try. We try our best to. Have kind of rules. The you know we have some differing opinions on some things. That's okay. It's not the end of the world. But they feel love wherever they are. They don't see animosity they don't hear animosity. The End, the world post me if someone WHO's Arou- It gets cleared up the world. We've, solved divorce. Say though I made jokes on the way like a very cat. Issues, but the boy's mum is a fantastic mom and she only has they're interested in so. I saw referred to as a bitch, but that was kept trying to be funny but she's not a bitch that was just my stay. She's not she's not legal if you are a wanker, you guys. She's not she's not on this podcast. So yeah. There's balanced for. Balanced and fair like Fox. This is the thing is that you can say that your ex is a good dad but still think he's can't say yeah yeah. I mean you wouldn't say. Say is. Yeah. So I did out on Instagram I kind of. What kind of prompted me to come social media as well as I? Had this argument God it's awful story. Okay. This makes me look really bad. As I said time. was. Sort of from go mckellen coming in. Here. She's going to tell you a story about black lives matter. and. So. We went to. Protest in which the boys we have little placards to the boys to Sir hold and it was up analii crystal. Palace. Everyone space. Personally picture on instagram. An my ex wife got me in the way she always gets. Oh. So you on a Bill Maher I was like, yeah, that's completely irresponsible and she told me one about like. Previously. I. Had to go her about not doing social distancing properly. So this is very much kind of a pay about moment but maybe she was genuinely upset I was like it was all spaced Mars is very careful anyway. I then made the mistake. Of writing on another screen post. Beer. March. Then mother was absolutely furious. Oh. By rotating. I wrote it and I was like. I sent I did not write it intending it's either one center I was like. Oh No I was angry. and. Yes. So I made her look like a racist. A racist. She's not why she was crossed. That was probably the moment where I was like that's rock bottom dude and her friends pilot they must we tell each other they didn't even follow. Your Shit. This is so you let people, I. Used to have without this is so you? Off by saying. It was fair enough fair enough and so I took it down I wrote an apology and a lesson apology to her up for twenty four hours, which is longer than the. But my follow like you don't have to oppose guys ready to. Do have to apologize because you can't call it. So if you hate me for the VAL Kilmer Steph. scientologist. Just wait until I. Call My ex-wife a racist for no reason. Thing to do. It anyway, China's at night but then there's bucks. For finding keeper fucking just being honest about now. What we've done ship things. That but we Just like oh Shit that we really regret and you try to make it ruptured repayment the temptation to show and and social media and use it as this kind of tool to engage others on your side like. Whether you do enormously like skis. Me Guys just a poll. If someone said, do you think it'd be completely? which we have both done. Yeah. So I. If I'm doing that in. Any point that's got to stop. Exactly and I I'm very conscious I have a platform and there's lots of people listen to the podcast Melissa style but there's you know I think it's just a match oozing. Yes, you'll get an instant hit why you get an instant lights or what? Yes but what is the long the long game as part on and you feel like a piece of shit? There's people who are your wedding that you really liked. Sloppy mess. Awful. Oh. You learned your lesson. It's never easy as. Documents. Wasn't decided but I thought it's quite nice to book that because. I'm very conscious that I've done a podcast talks about splitting up and stuff. On very try to be. The temptations of his come from your side even if you think you're being balanced. You know balanced. You'RE GONNA kind of pay yourself trying to paint myself in. Rosedale. Out of modesty like. I guess I'm just trying to be humble because. I was as anyone is in a moment's a genuine piece of shits. Actually I never was. Well that's okay but then I'm a genuine piece of shit. To be more shitty guys. You buy still don't keep bank it. Doesn't really matter who did the biggest shits you big floppy. Hat should we should we have a quick scummy mummy confessions shooting you got one for? Your on one of the things I got as a bonus for being separated was two cats because my ex was allergic to cats and I was growing up about that. So I got highly, let's say. I haven't done anything wrong apartment getting getting to animals that make him physically ill. So passive aggressive. Anyway I up in a bit smug 'cause I i. Got Some really nice cats and they're being really great. Okay. Just being. Added that much love. Anyway yesterday just before I went off to the hospital. Of this and don't like to mention it. I was running late and I thought, oh, just check their everything's okay in the house one cat had killed a mouse and put it on. Hugo's rug and the cat had done a sick in Matilda's room on her so. Three minutes of a dead mouse sick drink. The rug sounds like I am not happy with my life choice bad cats. My question is You guys were here for it, but I'm going to share it with listener. So. My husband's just starting to new job, which is very exciting because he's not had a job as a contractor and he was between contracts look down. So he's had no work for like six seven months. So we start this new job just last week and it's very intense and very exciting. There's a big crisis at work today so. I went upstairs to get my headphones in the office which was my office over now it's his fucking office say was just went down. And say, okay, that's fine. So his and he was. About this crisis call zoom call do not do not come in here. Do not ask just just just. Fine the big boss Reimport. Okay. So so about stars and then I realized I'd left a little spare Kauder in the desk drawer and I've got to get I have nothing I can do so back up to the left and then just tried to is quite as I could. Open the door and then I tried to crawl across. I did crawl across the floor to the desk and then I just had someone on this team Coco is that a woman through The cameras that you could just samy crawling and. Go Yeah. That's that's my wife. Yes. Sorry. I'm not. ALLOWED TO STAND UP This is how she must end to old rooms. So yeah. I said that's my name buyers my husband but never mind at Sam Confession for. Have confessed quite enough. implied. My wife was racist. For legal reasons, she is not a racist. Z.. Ladies. Yes well, that's fair enough. Well thank you. Thank you so much for. Being. So yapping honest Mallya. So finally, all the guests have had you like in the top what fifteen? K every done who's going to smolder. Okay, five. Okay lying. Women. No. Angry again. Nearly, would wear off. On twitter. Next time. Joe You. Haven't said man. China yet. Can We talk Zanjan Jonas? This is this is an argument that Salmon I had on television. Can solve it. Ahead I was right. On. The TV show I got confused because you know you get posted on a chicken a chicken chicken egg. Yeah. You Ain't comes out of his bum then. But then you think. Why did you give birth at your bump because? Is sometimes in a chicken egg. Yeah. So must come out the vagina yeah. The CHICKENS VAGINA But then is it shitting on it afterwards that happens mums right the guy. With that. Yeah Yeah. Yeah. It's disgusting we should start doing. Your While you couldn't just go before. How did it but it turns out the chicken stew bomb China's. No they've got old birds they they got multi-use halls. It's clack. An, first child. You must have Makarova. Bill. Each your. Clock. Leave her alone. Cast powers at some of the world's best podcasts, here's a show we recommend. Hi I'm Beth and I'm Sarah, and where the hosts of pants, you politics where we built a community around grace filled political conversations and we wanted to share the words of our listeners because they understand. Best. What we do Susan told us many times I've used your words when my own have failed opening doors that allow for discussion rather than debate amber says we encourage her to be more involved to be a better. Citizen and be part of our community. Nicole said listening to you to process was one. 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