How To Find Your Happy Place When Things Feel Sad (with JoAnna Garca Swisher)
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Good kids simply fill out a questionnaire to help them. Assess your needs and get matched with a licensed counselor. You'll love better help. Dot Com slash. Good Kids Hi. I'm Joan Doniger Fisher and you're listening to good kid a few years ago. I partnered with a dear friend of mine who create a happy place. Our website is the happy place. Presents DOT COM? I mean it seems so overused at team so obvious and everytime ray told someone about the idea like the happy love it. That's so great and it was like we know that's the tentative title. We're obviously going to come up with something incredibly creative and artsy and and everyone's like why it's your happy place so that's how it was made because it really is just what it is and when. I gave myself a little bit of freedom to be joyful with the destination I found myself wanting to tell stories about you know different little parties that I would create are different moments in the way that I- parents and things that I do in my home and as that started to build and I started to get more joy from sharing those stories then it just took off his it really is about creating and celebrating the species places and moments that bring you the greatest joy and I say this a lot. It doesn't have to take a lot of time or a lot of money to make a moment special and you know you can kind of haphazardly. Put together something special pancake breakfast or even if it's just a fun where you pack your Kid's lunch that takes two seconds and doesn't cost any extra dollars. We kind of feel like you're killing it. You're like Dang I'm really killing them on game today. Nailed that Bento box and said that's the spirit happy places I'd I don't ever want it to be unattainable. Oftentimes were showing things that are pinterest fails. There's nothing to perfect on the page because it's real and so. I'm not a food stylist. You know I don't paint beautiful pictures. I I know that I have a talent for design and I have knowledge that backs up because I went to school for it I can kind of hang my hat on up. Everything else is really just kind of a free sort of expression of joy and the other thing that I've started to kind of realize is that generally a cup is half full kind of girl and I'm a joyful person and that's just who I am and so I don't shy away from that. I'm too old to do that. But my dad who my best friend. He passed away unexpectedly in November. And the one thing that appearing when he passed has voices in my head. It was saying. Everything's GonNa be okay. Everything's GonNa be okay and I kept saying no. It's actually not okay. I mean this is not okay. This is devastating and quickly. After you know maybe two or three weeks after I started to kind of feel the need to talk and to write and to share and I definitely have those moments where I thought how the heck am I going to continue celebrating. Destination called the happy place when I am so so terribly sad but what sort of came to me in that moment was that it's not always going to be great and it's not always going to be happy but we're going to be riding these waves in life and were surviving. And there's joy in that and there's joy and hardy and there is moments to be had and silver linings even right now what we're experiencing which is so surreal and scary and devastating and all of those adjectives to describe where we're at right now the the feelings of isolation. But it's but there's also these real special moments of joy the only thing that keeps coming to me and I've actually been said this to my oldest daughter because she has a lot of fear now. She really is grieving his loss. She's losing us. It's a it's a very real thing that we're talking through a lot. I always say to her. You know when I was your age I thought Oh my Gosh. This is the worst thing that ever could imagine. I can imagine that moment where I lose my mommy or my daddy or anything like that and I want you to look at me and know that I hear. I'm still surviving. I am still smiling. I'm still finding joy I'm still experiencing you know the joy of motherhood and a wife a friend I'm working I'm doing all of those things like you will be okay in the worst case scenario in your mind and it's about survival and I want her to have that just that little tiny kernel may not resonate now but that tiny colonel in the back of her head you know there's a way to these things It's not always pretty but it's but it's surviving. I loved my my female. Friendships are everything to me. And the envelope me and have in the last especially in the last few weeks I mean from my wedding to the birth of my children to the death of my father. I had people with me and I am so grateful for that. A grief counselor. That I spoke to early on said to me. You know you seem like you're very well supported person in that you have a lot of the village and I said I do and she said you know the one thing that I say to people that experienced a traumatic loss and grief and all of this stuff is that if you just could have a few people that will hold your grief because people always say oh month goes by and you know people go on but you're still like grieving the loss and but if you can have someone that helps you bear the burden that she described it as holding that space for holding that Grief Radio and it's probably the most powerful thing. I mean yes meals Helped in the first week in helping you know. Plan the funeral and all of those things that they were helpful but the holding the space has been there real silver lining of this. If you're anything like us you may be using your phones a little bit more than you used to use a kid. Who's on phone now? We certainly do. We do not want to pay double and triple for another big cell phone bill. We found mint mobile. Which is a great solution. If you're looking for much. More affordable access to both wireless and data mobile provides the same premium network. You're used to but at a fraction of the cost because everything is online and we appreciate it and so our kids who are trying to stay in touch with their friends right now. Mitt mobile makes it. Easy to cut down your wireless bill to just fifteen bucks a month with mint mobile stop paying for unlimited data. You'll never use you can choose between plans with three eight or twelve gigabytes of four G. L. T. Data. You can use an old phone that you have. 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I think having the realization that we're all never really in control to begin with is something that always resonates with me I I was raised to be like adoptable and I think that is the one gift that I am more grateful for than almost I mean I'm grateful for the love and the safety and all the things that my parents were able to provide for me growing up because I am a planner and I am a control freak all of the above a check all those boxes but I think there is a spirit of adventure and adaptability that I also really work on and someone said the other day actually when I was I was talking to the employees of my dad's company that my brother and I are now in charge of and they said you know we just missing so much especially at times like this because a he would have always done the right thing and be he would have always said the right thing and he was just an honorable human and he was so brave and one of his nurses said while that's because he was so filled with faith and it doesn't even really have to apply to religion because my dad wasn't even a particularly religious person. He was an immigrant and he worked so hard for everything that he had always did the right thing but he had faith which allows you to be brave. And I think that that's the other part of this is like I. I just have faith like there's no option right now but to survive. We're GONNA come out of this. I don't know what it's GonNa look like. But I'm interested to tell the story and I'm interested in in being an active participant in that story. I'm not gonNA sit back and just see see where it goes. I mean there's a level. There's an element to that that we all are kind of having to do. We don't really have a choice. There's not much we can do is pray for the people on the frontlines that are even the grocery store workers and the delivery men and women that are out there not to mention a medical workers and all of those people. But we don't have any control over this. We just have to wait for the science to catch up and and do our best. I think that for me I am balancing teetering met. I can only control what I can control which is like what's inside of my house. How CLEAN BE? What's the story? I'm telling my children. How adventurous can make the schoolroom? Luck in all of those kinds of things and then everything else. I'm just trying to have a a always want to be honest with my kids but I also very aware of how much they can actually handle. I mean I have young ones. I have a three year old six year old. So there's this wonderful woman that I talked to a lot. She works in trauma therapy and I asked her. Prior to this whole corona thing that has sort of taken us to our knees I was really specifically talking about you know the anxiety that comes with the loss that my daughter was feeling and the one piece of advice that she gave me which has really been helpful as just redirecting. I mean look. You can't deny that our lives are different but one piece of advice that she gave me was to get them back into the moment if that means walking outside and putting their feet and grass or dipping their toe in the pool or getting them to get out of the what ifs come back to what is right now has been really helpful for my oldest to not. What is it GonNa look like when you die? Mommy's here right now mommy's here. What was your favorite part of the day? Those are the kind of just redirect is been incredibly powerful. I am not a child psychologist. This is the advice that I've been given but I can say that this is without a doubt especially in the grieving process for her and now especially with corona just bringing them to the moment has been incredibly helpful. Because you know if you give them too much. They can kind of fixate on his kids get older. That's a different conversation. You know reassuring and it's going to be okay. This is a unique experience. I told her the other day. I said this is something that are so few times that we can say like you know. We're all in this together. All kids all across the world are experiencing right now and and you know kind of visa as not so much doom and gloom which is scary but ticker into the moment has really been helpful. We're all experiencing the fear and uncertainty in so many different ways. Today we are healthy. We all have our own versions of the uncomfortable. The uncertainty the pain whatever. It may be that we're feelings that we're experiencing surrounding this moment. But but we're all in this together and all experiencing the exact same trauma at the exact same time and there is something so powerful about a village. If you're interested in learning more about the happy place. You can find us on Instagram at the happy laced and our website is the happy place. Presents DOT COM? You can watch me on sweet magnolias up like right now and I'll be talking about thought a ton on my public social media which is Joe Garcia Swisher. Good kids is a lemon Adam. Media Original Andrew. Stephen is our producer. And the show is executive produced by Stephanie. Widows Wax and Jessica Cordova Kramer. Music is by Dan Milad. Westwood one is our AD sales and distribution partner like us give us a five star rating and recommend us to a friend. If you want to submit a show idea email. Us had hate lemonade. Media DOT COM DR thing a Harrison. And this is in recovery a show about all things addiction and when I say all things I mean all things not just drugs or alcohol but sex gambling. Work relationships chaos. Yeah I said it. Some of US have an addiction to chaos. And we're going to take a deep dive into all of it so to start. Here are some things that I believe. Addiction is a chronic medical illness. And if anybody wants to go toe to toe with me on that I can take my earrings off and we can go and even though we know how to treat chronic medical illnesses. We've been doing it wrong for addiction for a very long time because of it a lot of lives have been lost and a lot of families have been broken. We know how to do better so we don't have to keep doing it wrong. We can do better and we should do better. So here's how this is GonNa work you ask the questions. I answer the questions and why me. I've been taking care of people with addiction for the last twenty years. I'm a medical doctor. A psychiatrist and in addiction medicine expert. We've got a lot of things to learn pick. We have even more things to unlearn. But together I believe we can get it done. So who are you? Who is this show for? Honestly it's for everyone so whether you're using drugs whether you never use drugs whether you think you might have an addiction to sex whether you love someone who you think is addicted to chaos or really. You're just a human living in a community with other human beings. Addiction is a human issue. It is not the person then. It is all of us from lemonade. Media in recovery launches. Eighteenth you can listen to subscribe wherever you get your podcast less. Make some change together.