AEE 1212: Not to Sound Bossy, But You Should Think Twice Before Using This Phrase

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This is an english podcast episode one thousand two hundred twelve not to sound bossy but you should think twice before using this phrase welcome to the all ears english podcast downloaded more than one hundred twenty three million times we believe in connection not perfection with your american hosts lindsey mcmahon the english adventurer and michelle kaplan the new york radio girl coming to you oh from boston and new york city u s a and to take your learning deeper with real time transcripts and personalized vocabulary. Sorry practice download our app on your device. Go to all ears english dot com slash bonuses. Today we show you an interesting phrase and the funny way that natives use it when they want to introduce potentially messy topic listening today hey lindsey. How's it going yeah. It's good michelle. Life is good. I've been traveling a lot this summer bummer lots of adventures for sure. Hopefully our listeners are on our instagram channels so they've been keeping up with all the adventures him here. This summer and i'm excited to just yeah try something new this fall. It's going to be great. It's gonna be great. Oh yeah oh yeah that is so exciting. That's awesome so do you have a hard time talking about touchy subjects ooh yeah. I mean well first of all. What do you mean by touchy subjects like what does that. What does that mean. A touchy subject is is one. That is a little bit uncomfortable because <hes> either. You know that the person has a different view than you more. You don't know if chiefs for some reason they don't want to talk about that. It's something uncomfortable happened between you. That's a touchy subject. Oh yeah i mean politics is one thing especially nowadays as they could come up. I mean yeah definitely oh. My gosh so yeah <hes> i recently have a situation where i was talking with a friend and the friend. Dan turns out that this friend has different political views with than me that which which is fine but my friends had to meet not to get political but <hes> an onto something totally political jeez well yeah. That's that's interesting. This is an interesting way to introduce things right. Do you ever do you ever hear people. Say things like that like not to get gathered for sure all the time because what is that i mean it's a signal. It's like when they say oh not to get you. You know dark or not to get sappy not to get silly. It's exactly what they're going to do right right right. It's so it's so funny so we're going to examine that today day. People may use you know something. It's a little bit controversial like uh-huh writing not to doing that right yeah. I guess it can be a little annoying because yeah. Oh gosh i know what's coming. Yeah yeah so right so what's the price of the freeze is not to blank what it could be a few things so for example like not to be something but like so for example. Maybe not to be rude but that'd be the worst one yeah that'd be really bad more not to get something but so not to get political right yeah or not to be not to be critical but right you know always it's often when the thing you're going to say might be hard to hear like you assume people won't wanna hear it. So you say this you start by. Oh by this opening this way right right right right or you could say not to sound fine another one yeah. It's like you're saying you. Don't wanna be you. Don't want people to think that you're only this way right right right exactly exactly so i mean lindsey. Are you guilty of using the <hes>. Probably i think i'm sure i am too <hes>. It's it's almost like you're saying you don't wanna totally change the mood and move everything the whole conversation over to what you're talking about. Maybe just want to touch on something briefly right right right. That's true right. You don't wanna get too much into it yeah so i mean. I think that these can be useful but i think that it could be a little bit misused right yeah. I think so yeah yeah yeah so let's get. Let's give a little more example so not to get political but i really think you should watch the debates. All those debates are going on right now. I mean we are recording guys in june so we're a little ahead but they are. There is a debate tonight. I think there is that's exactly what i'll be doing about three minutes right. That's right. Maybe more like ten ten minutes. Are you gonna watch yeah right right. Oh am i gonna watch yeah. I think so ah yeah because i miss them last night and i'd like to. I was on my red eye. So of course. I'm always if you ever wonder what i'm doing probably on a red eye that's right yeah. Where's there's lindsey. She's on her. I read somewhere yeah. I'm going to try to watch tonight yeah all right so what's another one all right so the let's see where should i just an example. Okay yeah not just not to sound critical but you haven't really cleaned your place in a long time. Ooh that is critical. That's that's the irony of this right michelle in critical yeah not to be rude but you should probably change some nicer clothes. Oh jeez okay eh. It's actually quite direct and that's all it's a way of being it's a way of saying i'm not doing this so now i feel comfortable saying that's a good point. It's like giving yourself l. permission right. It's like being yourself <unk>. Yeah exactly unilaterally like it's not you know doesn't mean the other people grant you permission. You're just gonna in a plow through and say that thing so it could be this could come off as rude it could yeah. I mean i i mean. I think it saying that you yeah. You aren't trying to do something but you do. It and i mean i'm not saying it's always used in this way right like it's possible that there's another way to use right and the you're being completely innocent and you're not it's not doesn't have to be all not to be rude but you're messy right. Something like that doesn't have to be like that. <hes> but you know we're gonna. We're we're going to focus on that today. We and we want to tell you this as kind of a warning right because we wanted to watch out for people when they use this phrase <hes> and i think it's because they what they are about to say is often exactly what they are saying. They're trying to avoid and it's not that you shouldn't use these phrases but you should really know what comes along with it yeah. It's almost like we can mentally prepare ourselves breath and also it's a good learning technique to prime our brains in terms of listening guys like conversation understanding <hes> when we prime our brains and we know what's coming. We're gonna actually understand better with the person saying that's proven science when it comes to linguistics right michelle. Are you officially subscribe to our podcast. Check your podcast app right now and if not go ahead and hit subscribe so that you don't miss a thing thanks for listening to all ears english guys right right right right exactly yeah so i think that's that's a really good point. Now you know what's coming. Oh not too good political probably going to be political exactly. I'd probably my brain and then you can be like oh. I have to go home before right exactly exactly yeah so i mean loops. Sorry i'm back. That's okay welcome back my way crazy anyway here. We are so yeah. I think people use it to soften what they're gonna. Say a and make it not sound as bad. If they're going to say something you know not quite not quite comfortable right and like i i wouldn't hear the sprays used about positive things necessarily like. I want to hear like not to be nice but how weird it'd be very strange right and guys. We actually did an episode episode seven eighty three how to signal that you're about to stay a contradiction in english so that talks talks about another phrase. I'm not gonna tell you what it is. Actually are. We'll tell you what it is wanted. I can't even remember now. It's having said that a- and that kind of some similar vein and it brings me back to. I and i'm probably talked about this on the episode. Seinfeld episode also <hes> where they talk about this phrase on how you say having said that it's either seinfeld or curb your enthusiasm. You can always look into it so yeah. That's kind of like where i feel like the humor comes into it and it made me think of this one as well so shout out to seinfeld. I could imagine seinfeld doing a whole episode on this case you we ought i mean having said that. Just kind of funny like prepared for what's coming next just joking about it. I could see that yeah. I'm pretty sure it was seinfeld so funny. <hes> so oh yeah again i've used the phrase not to be but before but guys the purpose of today's episode is to make you aware of the phrase in how it can sound yet so i mean what do you think lindsey. I mean could air tape. It could irritate people if it too much you definitely don't wanna use this all the time sometimes times those guys. It's a nice tool to have in your pocket. You know especially because we are trying to connect and sometimes you wanna say something that may not may may not be so cushy and nice but i mean not to be mean to people obviously but sometimes we have to bring up the hard topics yeah like yeah we don't. We can't dance around tough things forever right right so i can be helpful in that situation yeah and also this could be interesting if if you are from a culture where let's say talking about politics at the dinner table for example is a thanksgiving dinner is not or a common dinner evening joining with your family is not taboo right when you say you come from a place where it's okay to talk about politics. So maybe you want to soften what you're going to say exactly yeah yeah yeah exactly so <hes>. Let's just give a couple more examples and talk about like if we think it would be okay or not to use this phrase okay so so for example <hes>. Let's do the first one okay oh. This dress looks gorgeous. You should get it for the party not to be picky about price but it's a little over my budget. It's funny because you were picky about price right exactly. That's exactly what i'm doing but i think this is okay. I'm not breaking up anything nasty. I'm just you know. It's almost like i'm shielding myself because maybe i'm embarrassed yeah for sure for sure yeah and it doesn't offend anyone right aw so yeah okay so we're saying that sometimes it can be useful and helpful yeah totally well. Here's another one right mishari. Let's let's take the train not to sound like a know it all but i know the train will take too long kind of being a know. It all yeah a little bit eh but i don't know i think in a way. This is also okay because you're saying you are trying to say oh. Oh i you know i know this but i don't want you to think that i'm being a know it. All you know what i mean. Oh yeah and then that makes me think of gender right because oh oh god this is so good. This is so interesting this weekend. When i was at a conference in denver marketing conference <hes> the woman who founded girls who code you know look brand that yeah yeah yeah i do. It's more of a movement <hes> she was the founder of that and she did a presentation on on gender and on how women right right now need to be in kind of a moment of sisterhood and of supporting each other and of stepping into our bravery right and it makes me you think like would this phrase not to sound like a note all would that be more common among women than men. Uh just something to ponder. Language is is not as simple as the words are so much more that goes into it so i mean her talk was fascinating. It really interesting good to keep the stuff top of mind. Gosh yeah interesting yeah. That's a whole different way to look at. This phrase a whole nother way so anyways. That's a tangent but really good to keep in mind yeah yeah. I sure oh my gosh well. This has been really interesting lindsay. What do you think the takeaway is for today. Well guys. This is a good phrase. When you want to go into touchy subjects like politics eggs maybe religion maybe money all those things that can come off as kind of a taboo and rude but really you're trying to avoid. It's <hes> really avoiding what you actually want to say but you're really just telling someone what you're gonna. Say like we can sort of see through it is what i'm telling you natives contrite we can see through it but we still use it sometimes in the right time and place right right exactly i think that's the good point lindsey that it is the the right time and place and the right situation can be a helpful tool so you don't have to hide from it but just be aware of what it comes online guys. Were just here to expand your vocabulary. I mean this is just another phrase to add to your repertoire and again. If you are using this inside the iowa apple listening inside the app. You should be saving these phrases that you learned today. Hey go to all ears. English dot com forward slash bonuses to get the app. Okay okay well. This has been really fun lindsey and not to sound like i want to watch the debates but yeah i got to go. Yeah got it all right. It was just democratic. Debate have fun. Thanks lori by. Thanks for listening to all ears english. If you're taking i also this year. Get your estimated band score with our two minute. Quiz go to all ears singlish dot com slash my score and if you believe in connection not perfection than hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss this anything see you next time.

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