An Affection Multiplier | With Zachary Quinto
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This week's essay he's known for playing Spock in Star Trek. And he starring now in AMC's knows for to. The nine pound longhaired miniature dachshund at the animal shelter wasn't the kind of dob. I imagined walking in Manhattan. She was a little lapdog and a cliche too, small for someone is insecure and image conscious as me. And her name was Zoe too cutesy? I put a deposit down on her anyway. A form to fill out asked, why do you wanna talk, the answer should have been simple, companionship, but it was more complicated than that? I always swore. I'd never get a dog. In fact, at spent the first half of my life as a dog denigrating. Why haven't needy Pat, with so many needy people in the world? One divorced friend has spent the last six years lounging around to intimately with slobbering, golden retriever, who is devoted to her as her ex was not another single woman. I know thinks that if her multi snaps it someone she's dating. He's probably not right for her. Talk about snap judgments I once had a date with a handsome man, and his hands and Portuguese water dog who were so interested in each other. They paid no attention to me. You don't understand friend said dogs are all about unconditional love. Okay. But what about earned love and common sense? When I first met IRA, who would become my spouse, he owned, or perhaps, I should say, was owned by a beloved Karen terrier that would lunge and bite whenever we tried to leave him and would refuse to go out for walks because he hated the noisy city streets with a push for me. I refined put the dog into a carrier, bag and flew him off to a better life with a loving, stay at home owner in a quieter leafier city. For several years. It was just the two of us in our white and a septic apartment living our pet free and child free lives of stylish travel, creative careers and limited family responsibility. Not that I wrote wasn't a handful zone. He was often so vulnerable voluble and shall I say, doggedly affectionate, that it scared me? When I started saying, I wanna dog it was half ingest, but it became more serious as I coud dogs on the sidewalk Beagles in particular while Irish shook his head. You have a limited amount of fiction to give he said without irony. If we get a dog all your fiction will go to him, and there won't be any left for me. Maybe he was right. I've always made it a goal to not be too needed, even by aging mother and father. But last winter was a tough one after my parents deaths, I've been in conflict with my brother, and I was facing daunting, tax and career troubles. Ira was troubled to. Maybe a dog would change things or at least juris up. But the question did come into my head was there something lacking in our lives as a couple that I wanted a dog to fulfill. It's common enough for the presence of a baby to change the dynamic of a marriage coulda dog do the same thing. And then there was IRA's issue, which I couldn't shake did I have enough fiction for both him and a dog. In the spring, we started visiting animal shelters, but there was only one breed. I imagined. Owning a beagle. And there weren't any available. So I started looking online also in vain. The day in may after I reluctantly put down a deposit for the mini dachshund. I was tortured with recrimination. Why couldn't I make myself want her? Is the problem. I r- asked you don't think you can care for dog. She's just not the dog. I imagined losing my freedom for I wailed like freaked out groom before his wedding night. She's too small. She's just to gay. I was sitting at my computer in a cold sweat searching for Beagles with guilt of a porn addict. Ira was disgusted. You just want something you think is cute. He said, but that dachshund needs a home. If you think dog is just an accessory, then maybe you don't deserve to have one I wanted to bark at him and bite his head off instead got into the car and see as I stepped on the gas and drove us back to the animal shelter. The administrator looked at me suspiciously. Did I want this little dog or not? Can we take her for another walk before I decide I asked? A no nonsense attended in rain, boots took us past rose barking dogs many big and scary. At least to me. The smell of kennels rank the atmosphere fraught with desperation, when we reached the little dachshunds pen. She was on her hind legs against cyclone fence barking in an unbearably shrill tone, though. She was wagging, her tail. The attendant handed me her leash black and Brown and not much bigger than ferret. She strained at it outside paying no heed as she yanked. Surprising fours and barked at each dog. We passed away that put me on edge. How can you stand that shrill barking one woman asked? I didn't know but the dog must have sensed my cliff occasion. Because suddenly at a moment when I wasn't holding her leash properly. When did I know about holding the leash? She ran from us down a winding road that led to the Long Island expressway, it was horrifying. How did those stubby legs carry her so fast? Ira chased her running in the middle of the road faster at ever seen him run help yelled, I need help get the car. I feared they'd both be hit by oncoming traffic and imagined. My happily married life about to end all because of a little dog. Between the time I got into my car to chase her and the moment we caught her. I had a painful stab of the most profound sorrow imagining return to the hermetic life, without IRA that I had led for most of my adult years. With the help of passing driver. We caught the dog put her in my car and drove her back to the parking lot of the shelter where we all sat in the front seat catching collective breath. And getting over our shock. I was panting as was the little dog in my lap, her heart pounding against my thigh. And soon enough. She calmed down and rested, her long snout against my forearm. After such dreadful experience, you'd think I'd be ready to give it back. Instead, I felt something in me shifting she crawled up and snuggled deeper into my arm. All she wants is to be held, I said, in a tone of mocked, our before. And that was that. Dog I originally disliked for cosmetic reasons, instantly transformed me into the kind of myopic, cooing dog owner, I had previously scorned and without missing a beat IRA found himself devoted and in love with her, too. With us for four months. Now, she's been following me around the house with media is that I never would have expected to find so engaging. And if as I've heard before the work of dogs is to love and beloved than she is doing her job, maybe a little too well twice over the summer when returning from out of town, I caught myself looking forward to her, greeting more than I res- and then feeling conflicted about it and often when I read, I Haag or tussle, I find myself waiting for her to jump into join us. Then there is the issue of time with the sober concern of parents, dealing with the sleep issues of children with debate, whether to allow our in our bed, she doesn't take up much room, but she does manage to get between us making it difficult for us to fall into our typical embrace before sleep. For now. I keep her off until dawn when let her out of her crate, she leaps onto the blankets long black years with fringed bottoms flapping behind her right into Irish arms to plant kisses on his face. As he cuddles with her. It feels like he's doing the same with me. That's how profoundly I feel. We're all intertwined. It's ridiculous. No. But then I, sometimes think that dogs are around to make sillier than we are. Well, they don't judge George Eliot must have known that when she wrote that we love dogs because we long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults, certainly they don't challenge you in the ways spouse or parent, or child can but in their own way, they do get you to think beyond your own needs a little, if you don't believe that dry walkie and unhappy dog at midnight in the pouring rain, perhaps, if I'd had one while I was single it would have helped prepare me for the demands of relationship. One thing I know for certain IRA had it wrong affection. I can now see is not something one has unlimited supply like money or drinking water. It's more like a muscle. The grows. The more you use it. Or maybe it's an explosion like nuclear fission. The other night, we were on the couch with our wiggling dog in something between a tangle of caresses and a group hug. I recruited have looked happier. She's actually made you more affectionate towards me less. He said. A little dog. I didn't think I wanted his turned out to be exactly what we needed we only had to tweak, or name, a tiny bit to make it work for our own self consciously ironic purposes, instead of Zoe, she is now Zoloft. She is as good as her name. That Zachary Quinto reading Bob Morris essay, an affection, multiplayer with four feet and a witness. We'll catch up with Bob and Zoloft after the break. Modern love is supported by xfinity. Now you can get enhanced security for your home wifi network with xfinity X fi. If it's connected it's protected now. That's simple easy. Awesome. Good xfinity dot com. Call one eight hundred xfinity or visit a store today to learn more restrictions apply. Bob Morris is essay was published ten years ago and Zoloft. The dog is about twelve now. Bob brought Zoloft with him to the studio when he came to talk to us. And he says that over the past decade, she has lowered his IQ, but improved his marriage. What shocked me after I wrote the essay was that I'd become some kind of an insane, Mr. Rogers when I would walk the dog around the neighborhood, you know, Mr. busy don't bother me. I'm thinking of the next essay awry, all of a sudden, I find myself literally, picking this dog up in my arms and holding, like a baby. So that people can pet her face and belly. I really do believe she's lowered my intelligence by at least twenty points, and it wasn't all that high in the first place that I could lose that, especially as a writer Bob likes. The fact that Zola has absolutely no clue nor does she care. About any of his successes or failures. I mean this dog has no idea how many walls, I've hit in my career since I wrote that say, you know, I mean, let's see. I can remember HBO passing on a show when I first got the dog and I do remember having to lie down. And she was right there on my chest, and our breath, pretty much synchronizes, even though she's much little than me. It's not only that I do have a wonderful marriage and husband. Good, friends, and family, but they're not always there on, you don't always want to tell them about a disappointment that knocks yourself esteem, very hard. I mean, you know, knocked self esteem is a huge cause of depression, and yet to dog is ignorant of all of that. If I'm depressed and I come home, and I opened the door, she's going to be there being so excited to see me far more excited than any publisher or producer occasionally or even my husband, but that dog is spinning. She literally spins enjoy. When I walk in the Dr right? And so if it's a really bad day. Do you know what I do go back out close the door and walk in again? And has also helped Bob and his husband IRA. Connect when we first got together, the idea of falling asleep entwined in an embrace was out of the question, because, as a certified light sleeper, there was no way that I was going to be able to fall asleep with him in my arms. And now of course, I find that even the snoring helps me and then, you know, you add in a dog who just has to be nestled up against you to me. Even if I accomplished nothing else in my life, you know, to have accomplished this beautiful domestic feeling is enough for me. And Zoloft got her own last word into Zoloft say goodbye, Zoloft speak near you go, she said goodbye. That's Bob Morris and Zoloft Bob is a contributor to the New York Times and author of Bobby wonderful and assisted loving more after the break. Hey, it's been an Ameri, and we're the hosts of endless threat the show featuring stories found on the website, read it but you don't have to be a Reddit or to enjoy the kinds of stories. We tell like a couple experimenting with non monogamy or boredom that may have predicted the attacks on Pearl Harbor. Subscribe to endless threat on apple podcasts or wherever you listen. Here's Daniel Jones editor of the modern love column for the New York Times actually got a lot of about the love of dogs, but love of a dog isn't really what the columns about. It's really about love between people, but we publish essays that include dogs if that dog sort of is able to open a window into the relationship, and that's completely the case in Bob essay every decision about the dog sort of shines a light into their relationship. And that's ultimately, what wins the day with this essay, it's just it's funny and dramatic and the way that pets can reveal relationships is what I really liked about. Bob sesay. And here's Acharya Quinto. I'm a huge dog lover. I've had dogs for the last fifteen years of my life and totally relate to so many aspects of how they fit into a life relationship, and I was never reluctant to get a dog. I was always like a real enthusiast and actually did have a dog for years while I was single and two that taught me a lot about how to navigate the demands of relationship and get outside of myself. And I just feel like dogs are so healing. And they're such teachers and guides, and they think that they reflect back at us so much of owner ability and in eight kind of wisdom. And I just thought this story really captured that somehow that I felt really resonated for me. So I was happy to be able to read it. Thanks again, to Acharya Quinto for reading this week's piece you can see him now in no Speranza to on AMC. Modern love is a production of the New York Times, and WBU are Boston's NPR station. It's produced directed and edited by Caitlyn O'Keefe original scoring and sound design by Matt read. Iris Adler is our executive producer our intern is shimmy, loco. Daniel Jones is the editor of modern love for the New York Times. And by to the show special thanks to Julius Simon on your strengthen and Mealea at the New York Times the idea for the modern love podcast was conceived by Lisa Tova, additional music, courtesy of APM. I Magnin chucker bardy, and I dedicate this week's episode to our late great puppy, Luigi. We miss you everyday. Oh boy. We'll see next week. Modern love if the ported by xfinity some things are hard to control like over caffeinated co workers other things are easy to control. Like you're in home wifi with xfinity, X fi wifi curfew, change your password, and create user profiles over the x fi app. Another reason why xfinity is simple easy. Awesome. Go online. Call one eight hundred fifty or visit a store to learn more restrictions apply.