S2 E33: Barbarino, Superman, Mork, Trump's Hair and More!

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

This is Dennis Miller option, your source of opinion, stories and laughs from comedian and inactivates, Dennis Miller and his guy Friday, Christian Blat. What's up Hiroshi? Let's light, this candle who ladies and gentlemen. Dennis Miller, Larry King studio. Already people rewriting me fuck the Russian operative, Larry had a heart attack sitting in for money show, a nice people. But I honest to God have seen that. What's Putin's dictates light strawberries. But I haven't seen anyone ask it's too loud. Sorry, I forget, you get excited the an insurance business, and you're excited being out of the house. I love my kids being away from them. Even more me. All right. Oh, I see. So Lindsay, what's the microphone pointing at no one for instead of pointing it? Lindsey. Why didn't? Wait watch this joke. Claude rains resort today. Sitting next to him, sir storm. Magin. Imagine a storm in a relationship committed relationship with Reed Richards and it's one of the most amazing superhero things mister fantastic. Sure. But it does not work as far as an erection, turgidity, always isn't some sort of collapse or. You know, like the abyss where the silver stuff is always two mainly -able. Let's face facts, Mr. fantastic's talent serves him in many areas, but not maintaining good, solid erection. And at some point, you can sue storm around all you want, and your brothers on fire, and, you know, your other friends, quite frankly, would Steve McQueen went down to Mexico to try to get extracts from the peach pits to cure, his terminal fork answer, but your problem is that the, the salt and pepper guy you're dating cannot maintain solid erection. Hey, what show do you think this is at this point? Welcome to the Dennis Miller option. And I tried to open up my phone to read some jokes that I wrote over the weekend, but I hooked the phone up to something called Jabra elite head head buds. Yes. Sure. They're like year things. No, my phone will were. I have to go I'd have to dig into this knapsack find the Jabra, and then, like, turn like little things, maybe you see them. You think are those, the jabra's or those little mouse pellets that will give me hand. I always I am. We'll be an Ellis Island for Anta. Wherever I go on a hike. And I'm in the foothills I tell you, I find those little those little I call mouse Capers. When I was growing up, we call those dessert. Hey, we can't all grow up. Let's go man. I'm sorry. Whoa. That's too far. I put a joke up, and I remember one of them, this is still a little too loud. And I know none of these Dow's control my loudness in my ear, but we good down just very. No son, smooth play misty for me. Time for long distance dedication. I'll do a German far bow, and the lighthouse have you seen the fog? Once like at ages ago. I don't mind, please there's a fog greenback. It's not as good because they get into global warming and shit. You know, I always liked it when it was just what causes the fog demons from another more believable what causes well, the temperature the polls show though. Leave the pope stick to the hell is on. But anyway, the we began yesterday we have Christian Blat and Lindsey Floyd. Oh. So we're just is that your name. That's my name. Get back Tim Floyd. Worst NBA record number. I was a cat who coached after Phil Jackson and Chicago poor bastard. They brought him in, like Phil Bankston. What is this tableclo-? Shipren on a stuntman after he's trying to do the sofa millation thing there wasn't a. Last time we were here, they had no tablecloth. So I brought this from kill room at my house. So I thought it would be. All right. Right up the furniture understand kill. What are you using to reinforce them? Mudpit in here basement, you still use in regard to your crazy with that rebar. There's new, there's new cardboard bracketing that you can use it. I'm telling you, you, can you could use it in the remake of the Thomas crown affair to keep an iron door up in the met. You don't have to go rebar. No, no, no. Have you seen a movie lately? Thomas crown affair, the, the one with Pierce. That's what I thought you. I'm not it's I think it's great. I really enjoyed it. I, I don't think I've seen it since I saw it in the theater, though. And Dennis Leary. I don't know much about his comedy, but certainly is a commercial spokesman and in that movie, great, I never watched his firemen show. But yeah, I hear it was grade. I'm not saying I didn't hear that. You know, some people do that thing. Now, they, they mispronounce the name Letterman, I think birth debt where he'd always put the on front of something that everybody knew, hey, Paul deal. The McDonalds McDonalds act like he was pure Dessel than the rest of us. I remember the big move this is going back. Twenty five thirty years was to pretend that you didn't know Beverly Hills nine oh two one whatever. I said they've the other I in a clip for Konya and the. Paul was in his beard in. Appeared in times. It's. Cales place north. The frozen lake houses cO the fortress of solitude course, bringing chick home to an ice cave. My lowest went nuts. Well, yeah. That's that's that's superman. He brings Margot Kidder up there. She was never the same. I cannot believe Chris and Robin becoming roommates. Let's still boggles my mind to this day that more consumer or roommates. Julia what, what are the odds of that? And he was a sweet guy. Chris. I mean, I can't say knew him well, but I knew him through, and we'd go out once in a while and LA Christ, I cannot tell you the looks I'm trying to think who else got looks like that one more, consumer man would walk in which I can imagine, the, the roof Travolta, got that one. Sure, under being where we're really you're in. New York, we're out Kevin Neal was good friends with Sammy, we just down here and. We walked up. You know, we're search tidy on in an unguarded matter. John was knotted his pinnacle that point, he'd done, the lily Tomlin film, is this stuff embarrass you. Fucking look at me. What are you looking away? Now took a Rask preparing for the hockey game. What do you what? What are you looking down? If you remember the first time, I met you fifteen years ago, you said, never look in my house for more than three seconds, five seconds. You're gone. You're gone. That's what I was caught in the X men, and they worried about how to the ruby courts visor had a loose visor. And I said, don't look directly in my eyes dessert, you're searching, a medical term, but we're out one night. And we were talking about what John's comeback vehicle was going to be. And it turned out to be Tarantino. Yeah. Would say Pulp Fiction. Yeah. But he remembered did a film about a fake Russian city in the midwest, and I can call the experts. Yeah, he just wasn't happening think he met his wife on that movie. We. Well on there. You know, so the that's an are still together and happy I always see their house. They have driveway that leads onto a g five I love that, that's not the ultimate fuck the world move when you come down, you know, and it's not a Nissan stamps fucking five at the end of the driveway. Howdy. I'm gonna I'm just gonna taxi down the Vence. Get some pomegranate, eyesight a size. Lindsay. Called out near victorville where they do. Periodic Clinton just say. What, what's the good word to get out? Lindsay's cleanse would involve a twelve pack of famous Amos cookies for my experience. They're, they're spun ranch where Charlie whenever I hear one percenters, I always think of the Manson, family around a campfire isn't that Manson family talk? Oh, yeah. Let's get the one percenters you've ever that great sketch that. And I had a joke, I wanted to tell you what else was the triple, I'll get back. So I've got two things. You get back to. But when Ben Stiller had his great short-lived show that he got wacked from I think it was like ten episodes. Yeah. But it was a murderer's row. I thought Ben ODI Janine in her peak. Yeah. That was always, and, you know, whereas Janine I don't think she where I I don't know the comedy out. She she's done some acting like she was on a season at twenty four and you'll see her in movies, probably not for a little while. But I, I don't think she's done comedy. Gerald killer the beginning. Yeah, she didn't like me, but I remember had a thing with her one night at comic relief, where I was on a tram that would take you to your car after comic relief because it was at the universal amphitheater and the sticks because it seemed oddly. Well, what's the word Trump choosing with Megan nasty, but because I'd always gotten along Jimmy, and I always thought she was stoned killers, a stand up comedian, and we're on a tram, and I was sitting there just minding my own business. And somebody behind me say, hey, Mr. can I get your autograph, and I turned her on, and it was Janine and two other mean girls like that. They, they were chortling that I so readily turn. Her out like I was one of those guys who pink comes off, busy, smiles, X file. I wasn't just trying to be nice. I thought you know I didn't know it was was hurt or and they had a mean girl on. That's a little weird. But anyway, yeah, the, the Stiller show had an amazing and they did that great sketch which was a parody of Lassie called Manson ever. And you know what in Kirk was Manson? Yeah. Advance and came home, and he jumped up on the kitchen Connor, and the June Lockhart Kartozof Manson, Where're you bid, and then he starts talking crazy Spahn ranch talk that I was just referring to there. There's a holy rain coming. Why eighty black here going into the desert only one family's gonna survive and the mother's like making cake better? And she looks because what's that Timmy's hurt? She's misinterpreting Manson's mad musings in the same way that they used to interpret lassie's parks her. Timmy's hurt but killed me that scotch anyway. So Stiller he won an EMMY for that. By the way, they had just fired him. And the they won the EMMY for the best writing team. I wasn't John, too. I think John was a writer on the tier young and judge had written a sketch about a sock puppet. There was just a tube sock on somebody's hand and he did a out of protest all notes. He got from FOX. They fire him after six episodes with that team. That's talent they could not pay for they whack him. And they win the EMMY after six episodes, as a point where FOX wasn't women winning Emmys for anything. It was like married with children, New Jersey Allman. Yeah. And they call Judd and say, hey, we're sorry I guess we jumped the gun can can you put together proposal to do thirteen on the air with a sock. We're feeling Alf heat off of that sock puppet. Get me started on my L story. So anyway, I wish you had announced new. No, no. I can't tell you would hurt the man's feelings. But some Muslim. Oh, we all know out had his problems. It's all right. It wasn't about Al caz member. So now we go back I had a joke, but I had something else in. But you're talking about you're talking at Christian is expected to come behind me. He's like a he's like one of those hounds who's trained to route out the trophy near the earth system. I believe you're talking John Travolta. Oh, he walked up to a window that had like sort of a Wayne's coating curtain in halfway. You know what wainscoting his way have a wall. Sometimes curtains, go halfway across. I think it's pretty prevalent at Harry's gyp Ronnie restaurants, and we just stood there. And he looked in the window. This is why John's out of it. He just stood there. Like from here. And I'm showing you where it was on the radio right about it the clavicle line. And I'm telling you the entire restaurant like Linda Blair heads just. And you realize what true famous man. It just fell in a way like fuck Danny's. Zucca. Tony minero. And you know, we kind of new at that point. John would be back. I remember that he came to Denver to see Kevin Dana nine show day. Dana was doing a really herky-jerky impression of him. Oh, he does like young Travolta. He does a great while still. And the Travolta came out on the stage. I've never heard a noise like that like came up behind him. Like what the fuck is this guy making fun of me and you could see people could not to three thousand seat room. People could not process that is fame, man. That is such a big thing crazy fame. Glad he shaved head. I think that look works for him to by the way. I'm not even trying to do comedy. I just think it's a it's a good look. And I want them to know a a my eyes on hand. Well, listen, if there's anything the book ends my life, as a man, it's going from Danny Zuko zehr. To lex Luther on barberie. No good to see any barberie. No balled. That's not disconcerting. It's like any showing up and you know, you'll Brenner is wearing kid and play haircut. Perfect. Oh, my joke was another this, this'll show, you how you, you wonder how you fall into some would you say, it's my crews, and chasm Mariana trench, where would you say that, this, you know, it's more like pod being received as hot being received? Well, I think we always see and it just got taxed from show business. Says we don't want you. To you have Kevin search show of the central. The. Well, that's why you had the noise wouldn't make sure you don't miss. But this joke to me seemed so simple and not a great listens. Not candidate. But it's a nice job and people, the retort you get on the internet. You think when no wonder MMA, hooking up with people comedic Li if this is the retort I get I say, oh, I'm excited. I just got hired to do a Ted talk on Vincent Van Gogh's, brother. And his name was Tayo. Of course, know that from Don McLean songs, and Tayo door. Theodore's a the short for that is Ted. So it takes ten talk, and people writing me would not be a Tayo talk, and I'm thinking Christ. I mean, this isn't exactly fuckin- I- Kia with an Allen, wrench. It's joke about Ted being the abbreviation for Theodore entail. And then I thought you know, I want Dennis this was an on them this is on you. That jokes got too many moving parts. I'm gonna simplify Joe. Folks, and I can promise you in the future. They'll be more jokes. I'm doing Tayo talk about tale Van Gogh, and then people go, that's not narrow there. If you did a Ted talk about the night, the Ted Danson showed up in black faced per day. You're right. It wasn't a you're right. That's key. You're usually, I don't quibble about spell checks grammar. That's a key thing. It's one in the afternoon. Fifty seven and seven getting out of a handsome cabin complete black man. No, you're right. I had a ball. Beautiful move. And I know just. Oh, sure. Sure. And he's okay. Okay. I'll get my freak on. I think he was living sort of, you know, he's an honorable man his wife who's sick and he was, I think he had nursed her through. Yeah. Very sweet story. I can't remember the all the details of it. But his wife was ill. And I surrendered would Mark once up in montecito where I live and hemming breakfast. This is the oddest showbiz sentence ever with Jonathan winters, and sitting across from us was Richard witted, Mark and Jonathan knew him. So he went up and said, hi, and Richard was with his wife and dick wit marks still looked great. He still had a little golden Alan Ladd little bit nece hair wasn't white yet and his wife. I don't know their story, but she had aged much. Maybe he married her when he was younger than her, and I'm not casting any Berge. I'm not trying to be me. I was so touched by how he was with his wife, who was a little distant. I am trying to from is office, and so sweet with her. And I thought, wow, I love people take that vile seriously. You know about forever and ever in sickness health hall, and Ted Danson did that with his wife and I think I don't quite know what had happened. I don't remember the story but they were no longer together and I don't know if that was medical or but he was with Whoopee and what he's, you know, he's plays the you know what he's out of wildlife. Let's put it that way. And I know she talked Ted into getting his freak on. And he's like, hey here we go. Home in black face, then you step out of the handsome cab, and you realize before your foot, as your foot hits the ground. A bad idea. Oh man. I honestly got my stomach can get upset thinking about that. Because I've done stupid stuff like that, where I've said something out loud. You know talk off the cuff for years, you're gonna say shit. And as soon as I can't even regather it and I wasn't in black face. And I wasn't like so hyper about stuff and this was right. Political correctness hadn't hit fully, you could see would never have thought of this. Right. You know where I was at this Dior exhibit in Dallas, that I went to just amazingly beautiful stuff, and I my wife forwarded to me a review of the Dior exhibited in the Dallas paper. And I'm telling you, it was a stunning testimony demands eye for beauty. I, I know people say one is that it's an unbeatable. At some point you gotta throw up a flag periodically or set off a flare and go, I still see beauty, you know. So it was touching in that way, when an eye, the man had, and it was all by cultural procreation under. The new, you know, I guess the new lady who's in charge of Dior, and the are was only died when he's fifty two which blew my mind, and it's gone through June Franco Faure and you've Saint laurel. And a man name, rob Simmons and tracing. John gagliano. And then there's a couple of other people in there. It gets to this woman today. And she, I thought they were beautiful gowns that honored it looked like African traditions or, and she got ripped and the review then what, what did weird time we live in that the skies take away from that as cultural procreation. I often wonder all these people out there not want their thing on it at all. I guess they don't right? That's only if they feel the right, people are honoring it. I guess, you know, it's they, they have to determine his previous work compliment from somebody. They were beautiful, and I just thought, boy, we lived at we live in fucked up. Stupid times. Don't we? I mean really, really? Fuck. Did you ever think it would be this fucked up, folks? I mean honest to God. I didn't I had no idea that this is what when you were imbued with sacred insight knowledge. Fairness equity baba, baba baba bother to turn into this much of a bullshit scene. Because men, it is up tight nobody's honest with each other anymore. Everybody's covering their asses. I'll fucked up on this show Sunday. Get wacked say something candidate just the nature of the beast, we live in the Handmaid's tale. And yet, it's people like who want to express themselves and still talk in some way candidly, who are perceived to be the, the, the oppressors, or the destroyer, an iron rant said, but it's really the champions of it that are making it so uptight, jeez. I mean I didn't even say anything more because I'll fuck up. There you go. There we haven't I'll be. Forming June eighth in Honolulu. And I've got a handler politically correct. Spotter travels with me as name's Ugo, and anytime I get near anything volatile. He comes over holds me in his arms was present my ear to tell jokes about mcnuggets, June eighth in Honolulu mcnuggets, the chicken lost its mcnuggets because it was born a woman chicken. Trapped in a man chickens body. Christ. I told a friend of mine near the day won't even say his name because he laughed at the joke to get him in trouble. But I said somebody to do a. It was a sports reality show, and I won't say the sport because then he'll be clues he laughed, and I don't know what's jai Alai. It's okay. And well, listen. I think people know that when I'm off here either live at the greyhound track, or the Fronton in Boca. And that's why I did that joke. I get in trouble for that joke where they were talking about Al Jazeera went after Peyton Manning. Remember that I do now to mention it. Yeah, I said, why don't you stick to sports? You know, like highlighing the disembodied, head of the infidel around downtown Mozell. We don't do that. Okay. I'm sorry. That's, that's Daniel Pearl's family. But anyway. Sports reality show that you won't say sport. Yeah. Where it's men and women competition. But you have one floater, who transitioned starts out on the women's side of the are the man side of the activity, and then you shut production on right at the mean point, and they get become a woman, and then you come back for the latter part of the season and they're on the women's side of the competition. Now, I think this show this show will get made I in a second. Yeah. Absolutely. I could've said that in the past and somebody. I didn't I wanted to laugh and I'm like, wait a minute. Who could we sell that to, to? I know anyone at logo, you know, you could go in and pitch something about transitioning. I don't know what you could call it maybe could just be a game show. General knowledge show like you see at night called the fulcrum where somebody starts out and say, it's a guy on one side wins ten thousand dollars on the first half hour of the show, Fulcrums into the women's half of the draw in the second show wins that also and gets eight thousand five hundred. What's oh I'll be June. Eight in Honolulu. Hawaii Aloha tickets available at TicketMaster dot com. In this office, I can. Ma bowl. I don't care if the balance is wrong. I wanted to say Mahalo like Donna Reed tossing lay into the water on Monty, Clift at the end of from here to attorney. And then now this is a rock and show somebody else they're booking this tour now Winstar world casino and resort all be there with David Spade and norm MacDonald. Now, I would pay to see either of those two guys. And I'm Brian listen. I've been hitting the ball, pretty well lately trying to think of new joke, I knew joke this quarter. I do a quarterly audit tax. You could do a new special in ten years. What else up an oral? I'm excited what he stuff. I got plenty of stuff. But I did want to tell you, you haven't spoken about this, where I was this past weekend for a dear friend of my wife got married. We went to New Orleans for the weekend. So if you go to Brennan well Brennan's isn't Brennan's anymore now. Yeah, they the Brennan family, apparently, there's so many politics, involved, they edged out the part of the families that commander's palace. And so this is the other contingent of the family, also, I couldn't get a table. So I'll say that it was, you know, for the, the loyalty to our friends, Ted Brian. No, I didn't even you know, I went to just some of the, the, the lower end places, but go to mothers, I, I went to a place that I love called coupes, and I get I always go there because they have to dishes one, the rabbit jambalaya, which I, I don't eat a lot of hair, but I, I can't believe you do I cannot bring my. Myself to. You eat anything that, you know is befriended by Winnie the Pooh or, you know, I think of the lower Abbott coming and it tastes good. We yeah. And we, we had ER kebabs alongside that. And then a big stores, defer Robin with little apple in his mouth. But he had little shorts on kind of cute. I mean, he was, I guess I thought you had to be alive, if it was considered countless, what is coupes other dish here. Chilean soccer teams. Over Bryce people for what, what else he other dishes, the chicken chop tulips, which is the name of a street there. And it's, it's got some, some of the little Tasso ham, and you put some of the some of that, and Dewey in there, and it's a hassle ham is little piglet that strippers hang off their breasts. Tussle or to to go to eat on the plane. I got a got a poboy, which was alligator sausage, and I got no problem now getters, because, you know what he would do to me. His part of you existed, you like the quest for fire something. So when you're on the road, anything that doesn't move quickly enough euro on. Exact she's I it's crazy Christian did you go to the hot dog place? Do they have? I don't like those sandwiches. They have their, the muffled, they just taste like olive like, no matter how much you say, like go easy on, I only taste never hear the word my philosophy iced, I start laughing. It's dirty old uncle of telling you a joke. You know. But what about shake shack here met fan? You must love a nice shake shake six around the corner. Now, I know rather, please don't tell them around here in downtown Tacoma. Yeah. Exactly. And yeah, I love shake shack. I will let saunter over there doing knock a couple of these off. That sounds good to me. I got no problem like she got to get home and breastfeed. The kid kid Mamula. No, no, no, no. I mean, I'm gonna I'm gonna probably you don't eat something else with a smile on it. But we'll joke I used to do about if I parachute it out of the plane with, like with bear Grylls on man versus wild. He did it shirtless. One night, I said God, if I did that I would be it would be death by Mamula flutter. It would be beaten debt like the speed bag and Floyd mid, there's Jim. Hi hat tom-tom combo. Gene croup is kit when he was in the middle of a full, bore crank, Jack and. And they'd say next. So what do we have voicemails? What are you guess today? No guests at you know what I want to do at the end of this, though. We're doing to back to back off to Hawaiian sweet, and there's no studio. They're aloha. Yes. Oh, yeah. And by the way, I'm gonna look in on that strip mall, paralegal judge out there who overrules Trump all the time when I get there as soon as they can find directions to his place. Evidently Trump rules to save our country, and it's overturned by some guy next to a nail salon out there at the base the foothills of diamond. Head diamond head the original translation of that. In, in the original Samoan is hard to get booked. But what did you want to do at the end of the show though? You, it's a oh since we're going to do to back to back. I would like to do the beginning of Oklahoma the song where I hold the. Oh, okay. And then we shut the showdown, and you come back with clone. And just for continuity purposes. I wanna take off the minimal time, we can in between shows, I wanna just razor, thin sort of paper cut between the Venda thing. So I'll go. Show over Coloma. It's a very on that thing we used to do. Where we would try to sing the song from beauty and the beast. Oh, yeah. And get into it as quickly as possible at the Angela lansbury song where she was a she a pitcher. I don't know that was dizzy dean. She's a she's a teapot. Yes. Her name is MRs pot. So she is always, I love that movie because she would get into that song, so quickly, we used to do thing, how quickly can you get into the song and I'll try right now? Christian always beats me on this. I don't know how he he's preternatural talented getting into the song from beauty and the beast quicker that I okay deny when you hear nothing I'm not doing the song the key, jump into the song as quickly as possible. Dell's oldest time see euro is better than I am. But I'll give it a try tells all the time. Who's nice JJ? That's nice. I'm going to need to James towel after that. Now that was. Youthful? Bam. That's. I knew you had quicksand, I saw your three cone drill didn't during the combine. Well, I wanted to get your thoughts wants me to call her. When I get a sec should we call her now on the pot? Or do you want to just take a break? I don't think it's an emergency situation. Saw finished heard you. We're gonna go to shake shack and was like, well, you obviously have getting sound bad. Should I do this though should I do lunch shack because you know where my dinner is tonight? I've done the hat the hat, I've checked the hat off. Rosco. Love roscoe's chicken and waffles, I don't know is that putting myself in harm's way not caloric correctly, not healthwise, but an inability to reenter core, gravity if you know and opt for the same old, same old, if you in one day to shake shack and a roscoe's chicken and waffles. I mean you ruin yourself. Right. You could Buzz Aldrin, coming back from Hadley ruin sellin Diaz is outside Phoenix, you're fucked. I think you gotta just space it out. And I think that's that's the key because I could do that. But then look at me, you know, I'm not I'm not cut like so. Right. Meet you left that harden looked well. Listen. I you're not the guy who has street urchins coming up and saying you better get that induced. Better. Get you need an EPA Dural carrying Earl Anthony's ball there. All right. There's a lot of important things to talk about in, in the news and current events. But I wanna know what do you think of Trump's new haircut? He had I don't know if you've seen it to very slick look. Right. But he didn't go back to it today. He's back to. Cotton candy thing. I thought he was I because my thinking, and I saw headline said is a must be to meet the Queen. You know, think it's just finished golf and his head was sweaty, you know, if you look in that picture stores as Gulf shoes. That's true at the at the church show. You know, I believe that was a Pentecostal thing where they believe you can walk on water, but you have to have Nike three sixteenths bikes on. But I don't know. It's a little here's what the Queen this morning. And that's a it's a little dapper. It's like it's a little bit closer to the side of his head. And it's like two tone. The measuring line was not as pronounced as that hair part on the side of his head. I guess he just came in and he was still hot off the course and I dug the look, I remember thinking, what is the Skype in hiding this whole time? He's got a normal haircut under there, and he's got to go into this Mr. softy ice cream truck to get his head done each morning guts. It's so contorted. I've gotta bring it around to Cape. Good hope. Yeah. I saw. Again with the Queen this morning. It was back to sort of that, look again where you think, well, what is the is the opening credits for Hawaii, five o doing clean, a bingo? As it got that ocean spray, cranberry, juice, cocktail logo a if I was him, I'd get you know what I do. Just a fuck. Everybody up. I'd come up with a Frank Sutton from Gomer, Pyle, flattop just come in. Really shaky looking glass doing some thinking last night about our enemies. You're just plead all day. That's shake up. Can you see Todd Chuck Todd over there? Oh my God. Getting tighter seller. We got a five yesterday's look, I heard characterized as Gordon gecko ask, which I think is a I think a good look for anybody that wants to, you know exhibit power like the gecko. You gotta make listen in a shallow a society as we live. Now, you do have to make some flicky adjustments. And I think somebody ought to grab Biden and tell them listen. If you've got the visa look up front, the sleek parakeet head, you know, that plugs gone wrong, and you've chiseled done in and you've got that sort of Pat rally in a sarcophagus thing, but you got gotta clip the little feathering down. Nothing makes you look older than that. Little feathering coming off. What is that? Vertebrae eighty-one. I don't even know by the way, Christian, I Herning the disc yesterday I was. Bitches. I think it's between sacred three and four I, I was according down my VERA desk, and I didn't do a proper stretch beforehand, and I ruptured a disk. And by the way, on my side hustle. I'm going on shark tank. I've got an upsell on the Baroness called VERA chair. It's chair that goes up and done in tandem with the VERA desk and keeps one seated at all time. If like me, you're not interested in working out as I've told you at this moment, mind, extend my regimen something I call Pontius Pilates, this is where I've, I've washed my hands of all the searchable. I know I do that job every couple of weeks but I could just stop and do an add it, I'd rather you stay with me, feel my discomfort. You struggling to save. I can't do that. What was at once? Somebody did that go out on the air or the a couple of weeks ago. When I read the thing about got a idea for my gift for my mum on this mother's day there. Somebody's sitting a thing said the greatest cold rate of ever heard is Dennis Miller, same. But my mother's dead. To get out of the air apart by me. That's true. Because we've had a couple of reeds that let's just say there for our archives because we had fun, buddy rich, lathering. There's a couple that we had to we had to pull out and, you know, just sort of Reconceptualise the I want to buy wife. That's the hardest, she's ever left. My Pont actually said. But then, again my mother's dead. It was it was too funny to, to take out and well, I'm jumping into this one to you struggling to sleep these days. You're not alone one in three US adults don't get enough sleep. And if you're not sleeping enough, it can affect your cognitive functions during the day, like learning problem, solving or, or podcasting casting. Did you know the good night's sleep is like a magic remedy for the brain and body? When we sleep. Well, we're more focused relaxed. Best of all sleep makes us happier. And that's why we're partnering with our friends at calm, the number one app for sleep. I'm glad comes back deserves a second pass through for them. They they bought in through the end of the year. It was a big buy com. If you and I have trouble saying, ELS, I'm like, oh, I got that Brokaw and sort of thing, the Pittsburgh, we lost the werewolf account because. Nothing makes me kids left harder than when I when I when I say where wolf and they say what, what are you saying? I said where with Lon Chaney where will they don't you hear that good? And then when I have to do the L it gets so ponderous where. Oh, where will I just stick with the world? To wolf. Sleep deficiency does do serious damage, and I don't know about you. I'm not even I'm going off script here, a little not that Amman script. But my ad-libbing script. Some of the worst times in my life is when I had chronic insomnia. I, I'm not even kidding. I I it is the biggest to me, there's clinical depression. And I think chronic and some could lead you to that if you've ever had some prolonged period, not not day by day, depression, or something happening. That's life. I'm talking about like where you go in a second has it just been a couple of weeks. I'm not hungry. That sort of thing. But to me when I've had insomnia my life. Jeez nightmare sleep. Deficiency does serious damage, not just your brain, but your body is well your psyche. I would add sleepless are more prone to accidents, weight gain and depression with calm. You'll discover a whole library of programs soundscape said, over one hundred sleep stories narrated by soothing voices, like Drome Flynn from game of thrones Stephen Fry and Rosie Perez. No, I imagined. I saw Rosie press because I didn't use calm last night, even get a good night's sleep. I always imagined going cross country with Rosie parental, though. It'd be Elizabeth Warren, just hearing shrieking. So if you want to seize the day, sleep the night with the help of calm right now. Dennis Miller listeners get twenty five percent off Akam premium subscription ADT com dot com slash Miller. That C A L dot com slash Miller. Forty million people downloaded com. Find out why com dot com slash Miller. Did you see the vivisection Charlemagne to God or whatever is cutting a cat's name is did on Elizabeth Warren? I know who you mean. But no, I did not see this. I got to watch the after find Lindsay. What are you doing with an so delicately with papers, not to? Trying not to out every to a whole comedy. I remember I told you once my friend, Bob, we were working. He was a teacher this. When teachers did the honorable thing and mowed lawns. For eight bucks. An hour and the off season. We're working at an old folks home and trust me, mowing the lawn was the easiest job. I got stuck periodically being the night watchman there was a series of fifteen keys located around the creepiest property. The side of Michael Myers is a grave site, and you had to go rod, six times during an eight hour shift from midnight to eight unlocking are putting the key into the clock that you wore on your, you know. Well, yeah, this is way beyond name badge. How loser if they had you was like twenty Starks dialysis machine or something like that. And you had to go around put the key in and turn at the show, you is there, some of them were in outbuildings down in a basement way in the back at a flashlight that was fucking, you know, like the palace daguerreotype type lighting and back in this thing crisis nervous. So trust me when they moved you up to the day shift you knew you were making great inroads. Career wise we're mowing lawns. This is a fraught life can be folks, whenever I think of the tenuous nature when it goes back shit. It goes batch shit in a second. Sitting there on our break drinking really tough coffee. You know, like playing coughing. And we we're doing the paper thing, he flipped the newspaper while he was talking to me, and the newspaper paper, Kat, his retina what I'm telling you. It went something about the amazing. A one in a billion thing, where the paper sort of blew went sideways, he flipped it, and it put a cut like a year, cutting an egg or something across the his eyeball. And he's talking to either well over three for know we're talking Pittsburgh pirate bay all over went three for five and you know, Bobby Robertson had one. He's on the floor, like I what Bob, I won't say his name because maybe a cyclops now and I don't wanna rub this in by the okay anyone let goes and is I was just awed. From a newspaper now a new and it wasn't even like this. Like right now, we have eight by eleven sheets with my every feigned inner ad-lib thought printed out in block lettering, three by seven eighteen inch cut. Got it's like I've got a Powell of note cards in front of me, like James Lipton is interviewing. Bernardo bertolucci. I sat next live to them. You know, that came up on my Facebook memories recently because I had posted that because I did I took a picture from the ranger game. Yeah. And he was with his wife and his wife. They were very quirky couple. She was sort of, like secure Kane. And, and I remember the kid who played for the king's last year was younger players superfast player. And he had caught Lifton. I is it Lipton Lipton Lipton with Thomas Lipson, Thomas Lipson was an all front of the radio show? He does a website called American thing. Yeah. Yeah. So Lipton was all an amored of this young player, who was with the penguins for awhile was with the kings for a while. And then got traded late in the season. Superfast guy can't remember his name, but I remember sitting with Lipton on one side of me, and then a couple of seats down was Bethany Frankel from real house. And I remember saying to Lipton he was acting a little uppity in high hoity toity with me, and I said one day, you'll be giving an AFI tribute the best any Frank don't fuck with me. And he looked at me. And he said, oh, that reminds me, I've got to give the Nobel peace prize luanne the less up. I do. I didn't know Kibble. Do you know, Luanda Lesseps former husband how much was she keeping that name? She went to court made him give up his his family name more than you know, he suitor. He wanted to give her the small D in the Lesseps, but she says, she went for the whole shebang and under community. Moniker writes in New York? She got it, but his great grandfather, I believe built the Suez canal. Wow. And then was the original man hired to contract the Panama. Canal did not believe in the system of what's it called? When you go in, and you go raise the water. You know, those little, I is the first time we did it in the states. It was Clinton did it to get the year a canal out from zero to Chicago. They're, they're call drawbridges, Dan. Yeah. But the little there's a name for those and series of levees our. Anyway, that's what we eventually used to get that through. But the less ABS wanted to flatten out the entire topography, and failed miserably in, you know, in building the Panama Canal, they had to bring some other cat in and plus they had quite frankly mosquitoes there that through like a, you know, a Matt Dillon shadow, and gunsmoke. They were and so less ups a name was some, some historical clout now in the hand of luanne who you can see this week doing an evening with Judy Carne at Reno Sweeney's in. New York's beloved west village. Well, I would say that for this episode of the pod. That's our time. If you ready. Oh. Thanks for listening to the Dennis Miller option exclusively on Westwood One. Dune into new episodes, every Tuesday and Thursday on the Westwood One. Westwood One dot com and on podcasts and remember to rate review and share until next time. That's the show, and we are out of here from the Westwood One podcast network.

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