Ep: #ThrowbackThursday Privilege, Still as American as Apple Pie with Dr. Jeff Gardere


Today is July. Ninth is the Thursday and is another throwback? Thursday listen. It's so interesting to see how much has changed and just a year's time. But how many things have stayed the same about this time last year to fourth to be exact, Iran a special episode with Dr Jeff Gardir America psychologist Dr Jeff I go a long way back, but there was one topic that I wanted him to specifically address, and that is the topic of privilege. It looks like it's in the vernacular once again so without further ado Dr Jeff Garcia and privilege. It's as American as Apple Pie. Hey y'all this is culture soup where tech culture and business collide. It's a podcast that spoons everything hot from social media. I'm your host El Michelle Smith and each episode we bring you some of the most notable and not yet notable. Intact Business and culture. The year was two thousand three. It was a rough year for me. I had experienced divorce. And it was a rough one. So, bad then it landed me in the hospital. I recovered from that. But I was in the midst of starting at my agency. And a half to turn over the reigns to consultants. Mind you consultants that I trusted. But I a lot of unanswered questions. During that time. I was working with sister two sister magazine. You Know Jamie Foster Brown? Right. The entertainment magazine that had QNA's with celebrities. and Parents Jamie new everybody's mother. And I turned Jamie like she was my media, mom. and. I explained to her how I was feeling. And she told me you know Dr Jeff. Dr Jeff Gardir. Anti Time Dr Jeff had a column that routinely ran insisted. Assist your magazine where readers would write in and ask him questions anything to do around mental health emotional wellness in Self-worth. You see Dr Jeff is a psychologist. So Jamie connected me with Dr. Jeff and we spoke on the phone. For the first time. And I never will forget the advice and counsel the Dr Jeff gave me. Not only was it enlightening? It was empowering, and I have to say it was one of those moments that was turned he from me because the confidence that was restored. The. Outlook Positive Outlook that he gave me in provided for me was important. And thanks to Dr Jeff. A strong family and friend. Support. My tribe, and of course, my faith in God out was able to. Get up. And Kit, my agency, combing in within at least a year and a half I would build it to a seven figure business. I'm wanting you to meet Dr Jeff. You've probably seen him. On CNN Headline News. Or the real housewives of Atlanta. Couples Court. And some other places. But Dr Jefferson I. We go back a long ways. Two Thousand and three guys that's about sixteen years. Dr Jeff is a friend. And throughout the time between then, and now he has provided his services, ask spokesperson an influence her for myriad of brands that I worked with as a part of my agency and beyond. Ladies and gentlemen without further ADO. I want you to meet Dr Jeff Gardir America's psychologist. I challenged Dr Jeff to conversation around a topic that very important to us here in the united, states and beyond. It is the fourth of July. Independence, day. But I also wanted to talk about a topic. That sometimes tears US apart. In, that is the topic of privilege. This isn't a conversation for the faint of Heart. But if you're ready to move to understanding. Jesse take a listen? Okay everybody. We Have Jeff Guard here. He is A. Psychologist you providence on Headline News and you've also seen them on the real by Atlanta housewives of Atlanta of couples. and. Love and Hip Hop New York and the reels channel and Paternity Court and couples cord. I've been working in and I'll soon be driving coober in your neighborhood. You. Hooper with you Dr Death would be a food I. mean honestly you guys, you probably know that this is the guy that knows the insights and the great inside scoop on the why people do what they do so Dr. Jeff is a forensic psychologist. You want to tell everybody what that means. Forensic psychologist, basically that I am able to work with people in criminal feels. Working with people who have backgrounds. With regard to the justice system, and so on basically crime, and that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, you know that's deep. Deep and you have a practice right. I do I have a practice in New York, but now my practice is global things to skype facetime and other. Platforms and it's really amazing. Even get people now. Michelle. Should I say L. Michelle? Yes, you can Michelle. You know me for years well, but your. Shell. You even get folks now. Who may be no more than ten miles away, but they'd rather skype or facetime in for their therapy session because of the convenience. You Know Coaching Clients Yeah, Zoom. We use zoom. Yeah, you know either around the corner or Of the globe so amazing, it's awesome. I love technology when you say we have a culture. You're ready that I'm ready to SIP. Off The thumb, so you know I've always come in the threads and I'm always amazed at how different trending topics keep people talking, and sometimes, when whether it's politics or sports, or even the weather, sometimes people can fear into the topic of race, and they often so much of that conversation. Is stemming from the idea of privilege, and you know, we hear the term white privilege of La in America, but as Americans we have privileged layers to privilege. Don't exactly you have a white privilege? You have white male privilege of milk privilege ADB. White female privilege in some other of course cultures. Though, we don't see it as much as we should have different types of female privilege but I mean we're talking about privilege two things come to mind, and that is either Male privilege or American privilege just talk how? Americans are not aware that they have a certain type of culture where they take for granted all of the rights and all of the privileges. That many people just don't have. Right right, you know it's so layer color ISM. Sometimes people based on the skit skin color, even within segments like. If you're African American. If YOU'RE ASIAN INDIAN! If you're Latino you have see where the lighter your skin is, you might have privilege that may be your darker skin, you know. People might, not, have. Read. Isn't it fascinating that? As human beings, we tend you. subconsciously when we're looking at people as far as a different skin colors, there may be a preference for the darker skin because we associated with being more, and it may not be the truth, but more impervious to the effects of the sun, but when it comes to actual rights when it comes to actual behavior when it comes to actual privilege, then we see the lighter the skin color in many many many different cultures, not for American culture, not just Caribbean culture, but in many different cultures that seems to make a difference I know that was a scandal. With. I believe with India where people from India were complaining that he wait a minute. You're just you know when it comes to these beauty contestants beauty. You know you're pushing forward lighter skin. Indian people versus the darker skin ones we see that in some of the Asian nations where those who look more Caucasian. promoted. More than those who look more Asian. It's really. We have a lot to a lot to consider a lot to talk about a lot to examine with all of us. As as global beings. As to how we meet the change, our perceptions and our belief systems because we do marginalize so many others don't realize how we do that. Because a lot of it is and unconscious, racism, unconscious sexism, and so on those some of it is just right out there and and hateful, but sometimes you'll find the unconscious institutional types of prejudices that more harmful, because people don't even realize what they're doing. So unconscious biases, one of the things that I spent a lot of time thinking about especially in my past. Job where I was working one of the fourteen tens in diversity and inclusion, but you know what it's just interesting because. I think privilege is probably as American as Apple. Pie and you know what it's July fourth. So why not? Let's talk about it and we've got America's psychologists. Trait, but it's interesting when you travel as an American. Sometimes you come into situations where unconsciously have stepped on someone else's culture without realizing it, so let's talk about what privilege actually is I tend to think of it as something that centers you in your world in. has everybody else around you have? They. Send to you in the world. I think that's great explanation because you become I. Think you know in another way the center. Not even aware that you have a lot of given a lot of permission a lot of support. That, you may not have necessarily earned, but you're in the right package as far as you know your your your sex, your gender, behavior, sexuality and so on. That people you know when you're in that, you don't even realize. All of the advantage is that you have and the disadvantages that puts other people. Well and I like the way you put that because as much as you may have put yourself at the center. Others have put you there too right. So that's the thing it's not about people who have privilege are bad people. It is really an institutional cultural phenomenon that you know in many ways gives you a lot of advantages, but also disadvantages in that. You're almost like walking blindly. In the world, thinking, you know having a certain perception of yourself, but other people have a very different perception a lot of exceptions. But some of the other perceptions and negative, because people are prejudiced towards you with your having. This sort of advantage and you're not even aware of it, and that's why we see many times. When it comes to you know privilege white males. You have white males who complain and say I've never been prejudiced. I've never done anything wrong. I I love all people, and yes, absolutely I totally get it. But? You also have to own and acknowledge that there are certain things that you are given certain things. They do own certain things that you were born into that people don't have, and therefore you have to be able to acknowledge that to yourself and to them. If you want to be totally, you know in truly enlightened. As to your place in the world. It's interesting to me. How part of the institutionalized? Nature of privilege works, because have you found because I've seen it? People who are not necessarily in the privilege population. Buy into the privileged so for instance. In twenty seventeen that del into the idea of the corporate structure, and how white males are centered in structure as the power core brave. Bud that women and women of color are on the fringes, because even by definition by race by gender. They're outsiders right so in the case of black women they're double outsiders, but what I found. Is that other black women other people of Color other women even? Because they're so used to that power structure in White Maleness, being the center that they look at one another, and don't expect as much out of even their own system I, agree with that. And I think that is really the destructive part of privilege that it begins to affect other people. It is so much part of the system so much part of the institution that people don't understand. What it is that they're doing when they begin to exclude one another or get into a competition with one another in order to become part of that sort of centrist. Place with the N. The institution to. Them privilege that even when they do earn it. as we saw with President Barack Obama still wasn't accorded. The privilege that any person should be accorded as being president of the United States. So we have to be aware that it's not just about making ourselves better for outside of the circle, but also understanding that we have to begin to interact in a way, which is therapeutic with one another, but also with the person who is in that centrist position, because they will never view you a treat you the way that you deserve to be treated if they're stuck subconsciously with this idea of privilege and don't quite understand why you will never have the same privilege that they do. Right, so let's flip it year. Aren't there them? Good mindset traits that we can take from those who are privileged. And bear with me for a while. Is that those of us who may not be centered in that privilege? We take on a mindset that since we are not since people do not value us that. Maybe we take on the devaluation if you will. Is there some merit to taking on a mindset that centers you? Even if you are not centered bomb in it, it came across as very complex and unique. And difficult question, but as you put it to me. I begin to think about the importance of. Black love. Power and not way to denigrate anyone else, but believing in oneself looking to love oneself, and that's something is African Americans. Caribbean Americans other underrepresented minorities. Come right down to people who want to change other cultures. A, want to change. The shape of their is to look more Western. No more Caucasian, not having that self love, so that's one thing that we can say with people are privilege. They. Practice soft love you. Love and they learn to love themselves and hold a certain standard because that's what they were born into what they're used to. That's how people treat them. And once we outside of that center. Begin to love we are. Then I think this is something that is very positive that perhaps having the privilege of being an African American or an Asian American and seeing that as a privilege so. If I, were wearing a hat like you are right now. I would say hats off to you. L. Michelle, because that is probably one of the most provocative questions that I've been. Asked in a very long time that. I'm going to ask you some more provocative questions because I'm writing a book and I Kinda let that slip a couple episodes ago and my premises somewhere around changing the mindset, and how much we can learn from from privileged groups right? As underprivileged groups, depending on what culture you might be speaking of right, so I am reminded of a scenario, assist something that happened to me once when I was working at this big company and a group of black women who are very very polished. Have all the degrees I say find people find cars find closed. Just impeccable corporate ladies right were sitting there at a conference, and we came out of this very provocative panel. We're talking about you know people of Color and underrepresented groups being you know. Dealing with micro aggressions and unconscious bias. And I made a statement. I don't even remember what the statement was, but the part of the conversation that jumped out at me was there was a white man that approached this. Guy, in the world one of my favorites, who said something like Michelle, you said X. Y. and Z., and then you said you'd never would say it out, say it. Oh and he said Yeah. Why wouldn't you say it and I said well. You know what they do to somebody like me less than that out in this environment and it struck me when he responded. He said I would say it and I'll tell you why I'd say it. What could they do to me but take my job? I just go find another one, and then it hit me. This is not the way even the three black women fine. Fine clothes fine ours fine degrees. All of this find people even thought we were thinking. Oh if I say that I fear that someone will take my job and instead of saying I'll just go get another one or I'll just go start my own thing. We're sitting there thinking. Oh, my Gosh! Where does put us we? Are you know we're bound by our mindset? So could we borrow that mindset from our white brought there, so you know it's. You're absolutely right that this is something that we can. Begin to work our way towards feeling freer and. Being more. Self, self-assured and having better self esteem to say you know what you can take this job and shove it if you don't like what I'm saying, as long as I'm speaking truth to power. I think we have to look at a bigger stage and that is. You. Know and I knew you'd like to go right into the popular culture. Let's talk about what happened to Monique. Let's talk about the conversation. She had with Steve Harvey on on his show, which which is gone now. You know and he basically said to her. You know you know. Don't forget you know when people of Color. We can't do it the way that you know the man doesn't. And, we've got a different way. We have families to feed you know one of the things that was left out from that conversation, but maybe I think he. He wanted to put it in, or he said it in a different way. Is that what do with treated in a different sort of standard? What eight not get someone else? Fire? Who is non black may get US fired. If we're black and Oh, you have to put that. That factor into the equation, so yes, Monique is right as you are that. Yes, it's important that we stand up frost selves, and that we believe in ourselves and no risk, no reward go for it demand all treatment, but I can also see what Steve Harvey was trying to say that yes, stand up for yourself, but we gotta do maybe a little bit of a different way because we don't have the privilege. Even someone like Steve Harvey had to give up his show for somebody else coming in because of the politics that make on with a particular CEO or corporate group that he was work. Right, but you know what you're absolutely right that same catalysts store study share that what we feel when it comes to microaggressions when it comes to unconscious bias when it comes to racism, outright in his real, and that's what I loved about that study, and the women in the workplace setting, leaning and a McKinsey right, but the thing that Mr Harvey has that made. You and I don't have. A little bit more privileged talking about this. He's got the money and he's got the clout to go this summer. To do I was going to the other thing that he has that. We don't have those really large. Yes! Because? A COUPLE OF TIMES Actually a very nice man. He's the people I've ever met him yet. One of my good friends Jalen Bledsoe is quite responsible for his brand, so he was on the show measure like episode three, but yeah, you're right when I'm driving at is is if there is an opportunity to feel a little bit more secure in ourselves in what we have and what people cannot take. Can we therefore standing our power and grasp on some of that mindset? That may be the you know culture that center. For instance. I. Know But let me tell you. THOUGHT SIR! You're absolutely absolutely absolutely right. And there is a privilege that I know that you practice that I. Know that I practice that. I know many people perhaps who we know. Weather's patients as as clients as. Practitioners as you and I, and that is the privilege of intellectualism. You know so when I look at this whole idea of privilege when I look at white male privilege. When I look at any kind of privilege, Brian I'm automatically think of myself as a black male. Above all of that act. Or as psychologists, I look at that privilege as being a psychological phenomenon and for. To study. It I'm removed from it. I analyze it and therefore or I'm able to move the way that I want to and to Nath align that privilege that someone else may have to slow my roll. One of my mentors is truly bourgeois. `hand. She has written the book in fact what. I. Wrote this book frank here. And it's equality courageous conversations about men. Women and racist spark of diversity and inclusion conversation. Okay breakthrough. But trudy had theory around creating your own equality. And I talked to her as a part of this book. That has not come out yet. And she she talks about how you can create. What essentially is some privilege, right? When it comes to how you attack your relationships. How you attack you know your authenticity how you attack. You know even approach in in in face head on microaggressions in a very gracious way, but because you have. Some what's the word? I'm looking for confidence. And your skills, your network, which may come to some privileged people very easily. They don't have to think about it. We have to think about it if you have some confidence. In those things you can move in ways where run to the risk or run to the trouble like people who may be aren't so sure about you know what they have. In other words, this podcast lines up every friend. I have had time. And then some. And when it showcases how beautiful these folks are at creating at the epicenter of Tech Culture Business, but it also shows the power what it also shows as. We ain't hating. Because someone is born into privilege, for example, such as a white male. Listen good for you, but for you. You are who you are. We respect to you are. Onto let you dominate us a to accept you as an equal so main have tallahassee may not have as privilege which may be the color of our skin, or you know certain Genitalia what have you. We will seize on what it is that we do have. Tried, we asked me. You know the struggle which may be dealing with adversity every day in order stronger and I think that's what we need to go society. That we need to learn to respect one another, and not. It should not be about. Oh, you going billionaire. Therefore, you're a bad person on the white male. Therefore you have all these. No, it's about okay. How do we come to table in different ways? We all created equal. But we are all different. Yes, and it's our differences that make strong A. Nation Right which is why don't get me started I'm not all for you. Know Boorda walls, and all that kind of stuff. Going on is you. Have you know and I'm not going to name any names, but everyone knows what I'm talking about. Your. If, WE WANNA. Make America great again. That means making it better than it ever wants beaked was. It. We always had division. And privilege also feeds into that division. Really odd job as Americans and those coming from different countries. Who one day we'll be Americans is. How do we bring everyone to the table? So we can be a strong as possible as a nation as a people to then be able to be benefactors to others around the globe, the globe is in many ways warming. There are me dramatic issues environmentally, and the ecosystem is damaged, so we're we are all going back to come together in order to save the planet and Save our people, our species, the animal species insects, all of that the whole ecosystem. We are going to have to come together. At this point, our conversation takes a turn for the unexpected. We're going to talk a little bit about black. In where you can find it. And wh- conduct has to do with it. Thanks to the experience. Sister scholar gone through CECELIA Joyce. Recent travels to African. I wanted to. Bring up this little story. My sister just got back from she she. Bra and. took. Some other conveyances into a small town in Ghana, and when she noticed there, there were people that were in a village. There were people near there were dirt poor. But they walked with their head up high, and she I began to notice that she was the outsider. African American. She started to notice that things about her. That didn't quite add up to veer blunt privilege if you will. The fact that there were no varying skin colors you know as people from the US, we are reminded of our slave history, even just looking at the marrying skin colors right, because so many of our you know. Women were raped in slavery and that's let's keep it real. We all have this various skin colors right some very for love, but that was very very rare. Sally hemmings was raped. Okay right, but when you go to Africa, you see that people are this dark chocolate amine monolithic, and that's the norm, so the mini you walk into that you're an outsider. Right and nobody is making fun because someone carrying something on their head. That's their answer. Of what you say that you know, they walk with pride, no matter what their socio economic factors. That's why when you go to Ghana and someone says, and you walk in behind someone and you want to go somewhere, and they say walk this way, but want that way, and what just like they walk with a hand held high, because amongst the people who are in more than just privilege, it really is about a birthright, a birthright of being right a froude individual a proud community of race yeah. Totally it's you know. She came back with this new. Perspective even If you saw Black Panther you understood kill monger. You may not have understood him very well, but he really did not feel yet a birthright and either act. On it's fascinating I. Thought Marvel did a great job in portraying him as a villain, but as a villain very interesting cycle dynamics. But that the soul we could look at an empathize as to who he became what he became why he became that way, but it was also really. For more of a a symbolism four Africa, African Americans you know is the. Between those particular to particular groups and what? He can America slave free, and all of those things, so that was, and but that's why you saw so many people. African Americans Africans primarily, but all races all religions come out for that movie and were able to understand what it means Wauconda forever. Totally I mean black. Panther was centered Kanda absolutely. They had their own privilege hat names. which was to a lot of people viewing it like? I've never seen this well unless you read. Marvel comics like I did grow up. The most scientific society. Base planet and a bay aided by brain NEOM. They. They had to hidden and actually played into the stereotype up, and in fear at poor African nation, all of that was just a mirage to protect their technology and protect their people because they had the challenge, they had the fear that they would be exploited as many other people of color had been deep deep deep. Stop the. Janet van reflects all of the many issues of our humanity. You know what? Time is almost up. This has been great and all of these conversations you've had I really wanted to get Louis Gates on that gates. But this was such a great out. And if another person on the street says Hey, Dr Gates I'm I'm GonNa have to knock somebody. After Game Some of them think I look like. I said, listen of all is much more canceled, and secondly he's ten time slaughter. Bird. He's about a hundred times. Back. Let me. Be The privilege of being Dr, J.. Jeff, you're my friend, the. Friend. You know what Dr Jet. This has been a main thing, and if you don't mind now, only in fact, you back at some point, but I also want to interview my book. You, Everybody Dr Death Gardir America. Thank colleges. Thanks so much for coming. God bless America. Let's America before. Standing thank you so much! Dr Jeff. Everybody we have. Even more. Coming Up, if we can tampon. I want to introduce the psalm reintroduce others. 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