Joan Van Ark "What's *Knot* great about this?"


One. Regard. Joan van Arcus in my house. In the house are not Lynn. How's everybody? Okay. We've already bonded. We I didn't. That's what I wanted to start recording immediately because we've already bonded in so many ways, I look at you. You're beautiful teeny tiny you were just like a little tiny actress honeybee just. Honey is that you're buzzed? Yeah. Absolutely. You're not drinking. But you just had a little drop of Essen. My daughter said mom, do you know that is just once molecule away from Alabama hall navy? I'm doing my own thing. Honey wine. Let's use that backstage. That's your little. Yeah. At my security blanket. And is that all you Ingrid? No. It's been Anna's peanut butter, and I gave it up for lent, strong, Joan van ark. Aren't you really need a banana on the video cast? I will make me so much money. And if you love me, you will do that. I do love you, and I will do that. And you maybe not immediately. I'm going to save it. Met you at Donna mills Christmas, not to namedrop. But an I just 'cause I love you. And I we just bonded and first of all I was saying I was like how. You people are all just because Donna mills happy. You're just you're way prettier than normal. Humans like, you could tell Aaron spelling people you're like all of that must be a right shirt, Dallas knots landing. Yeah. Right. All those this palace, by the way that all started before I went to not slant who were valuing alley. News, the Dallas, and well, she was actually from Tennessee, Chris Chris left for three years, and then came back, and so we I made him get him. I shower naked and do a scene where he gets out of the shower morning. Yes. And I was like. Looks. Okay. Maybe not people our age that references so fresh. I was like he's doing it. No show. I love him though. Patrick duffy. He is the best without a doubt. Okay. I so many I don't even know where to start anyway, Donna mills, it is interesting to that a lot of people that play vicious horrible bitches are the nicest world, that's true. Donna is the most grounded even unbelievably professional all of it. And then she plays the bitch. Right. Right. I just I hate it for that. No. She does the best Christmas parties first of all everybody's there. Yeah. I felt like I was the ugly person in the air spelling with that talk about tiny and perfect and felt in all of it. Here's here's what you gonna find me. My future wife Joan van ark. I will. She goes, what's your sinus Lieber, she said oh gem manner because she's Gemini she goes, Jim. And I'm and I'm like, Honey. So I don't need a gym you need girl offense. You will find you tell you gotta give me the specs. We'll do it after the show. Give me the specs. I'll find not a dog. I wanna die. No. You almost kidnap both of my dogs. I wanted to because Lafi and hug -able. Yeah. And we had to put our golden down about a year ago. And we've been looking and looking and yeah, just hasn't happened. We have a deal. I will get you a dog if I. Bitches? You're funny. I did not know this about you your Hertie areas. Stop talking until we turn on the okay, speaking, cuddly and adorable. Your husband bind, you who is cancer and rock-solid he and Donna should go off into the sunset. You just told me he had cancer. Now kids are okay. Okay. John down astrology, she. So that kind of zippy way, that's. That's her. I tell you that was so terms of endearment is our, mommy, dearest. No, he's too. It's one month to the day. I'm June sixteen just Gemini. Yeah. July sixteen. Yeah. No Polian and his wife, whatever. Her name was. Wow. Good. Chris. You know when shit. Points. Good maybe later, but no Josephine they were the same way one month to the day award. So we're high school sweethearts so boring on so, yeah, no, I was saying a lot of my ex's urge. But and they say libra Gemini Aquarius. Like our air signs are the most air. That's it. And that's why I run I don't run now as walking walk jogging, I need air. And it's my glass of wine to go every evening after I've done the Joan van I do show really way you run to know. I trick wine hike you hike, and I walk. I can walk everyday. Well, you're in a beautiful place here to do this. Yes. Thank you. Perfect. What did you say the Joan van ark show? What are we talking about? That's what my husband calls every minutia boring horrific layered unbelievably obsessive thing that I do. It's the Joan van ark show. So and yet, here's the funny thing, you're one of those you've played like. You had how many husbands on Dallas? Have one in real life. Yeah. I have one been married since as I had eight husbands on more than Donna. Abby. A whore just say I love every second. It was wonderful depend on what season. Oh, she's. Oh. That you're always poor Val. How I know that was it. Until the central Val. No, you're supposed to swear on this show. Listen, if you're not going to drink or talk, politics or talk shit about Trump, you need to swear swear a lot ready. Okay. I'm there. I'm there. Donna, michelle. And I actually have been working on trying to do. I it was reality. We're not done yet. But now, yes. Cayenne OT on not done yet. And then we've also been pitched a scripted show, which we it's called was and it's really kind of a not a send up but a parallel on Charlie's angels. God. And he's called a calling. It ravens, Dan or something like that. He's road. Right. Ravens stand. But we're trying to put something like because I think the three of us, and it is absolutely true. We are not done yet. I'm sure you would go there when you say Donna mills Christmas party. This woman is flawless. I always want smacker. I was my friend invited me. She's her friend. I was like, oh, I am. So in there's nothing about that setting. You just said, and it's everything think it'd be a hallmark card. It is the food all of atmos- perfect was in an area spelling miniseries. Art one hundred percent, right. The house is exactly that. It's whatever was hobbled Joan in the front and the little paths up. I know it's too much. You'll make using the all made like a zillion dollars. Right. Well, we kinda did because it lasted New Year's off landing. It was more than that. It was fourteen total. Okay. And I left and ran away to do a pilot to comedy with Chris Maloney. Then came back for the very. Last season. But it just it went forever, which is quite a miniseries back to the cul de sac. Yes, you're missing. Got it going on. Indeed does. I'm gonna firmness. But anyway, but I know I okay. But the and you said Michelle, so we should people know you mean, Michelle Lee who is your real. You're very good friend on the series and in real life. Totally one hundred percent all three of us because I don't know when you spent fourteen seasons together sharing funerals, weddings. You mean fake ones? Real. Real John is a cancer does not have cancer and sharing real. We were sharing real life altering incidents both on and off camera. I remember when Michelle split with Jimmy tarintino who since has has God bless him. God, rusty soul. She called me. And said you have to pick me up today. I can't I can't drive out there. I can't she was so upset I mean, there's just so many layers that we've shared an moments, and so we we're joined at the hip. Yeah. Until we hit forest lawn. Okay. I told you when you walked in. I just wanna do a whole show on you. Giving me beauty tips. What first of all? 'cause I know people are going to wanna know, how do you stay that thin? How do you look so amazing? Well, first of all that the, and I know that and that's may be another discussion, but for me or lie handed porcelain figure. Well, here's the thing though. I have to my husband puts it you have to break a sweat every day. Well, I can do that on the set with flop sweat, right? But but in life, I do need the run. I have a lot of either energy or mental energy, or whatever it is an I need to level out. Right. And I do my best thinking on the run. I solve things that I can't otherwise deal with during the day. And somehow I I see the way out by doing the miles. And I do tend to twelve I've done fourteen marathons including Boston while which you have to qualify for you for women. You have to do with three and a half while fire which I did out here. It was. An exciting adventure. You walk over the starting line Qazir a bazillion runners. And when the goes off your way back probably go Hollywood actresses in. You know, it's like you because you do the work. I mean, 'cause you you know, you don't look like that by accident. No. Here's the thing. I think you have to buy mantra is you have to do the best and be an look the best. I have to there are two areas. That's Aaron spelling as I age. That's not a great fun thing. It's exhausting me. And you know, I need to go lie down with a coal towel. Because it just gets. My dog. No, if you had a he's concerned for our democracy, but that's not important now. We're gonna talk right. Just go ahead. Right. I'm with the dog what? Why? A little hot. By the way, charge a little judgy back there. I mean, I love him. And he's handsome and get the whole thing. I get the animal magnetism. But he was like, you know, I go for run or whatever that I have a drink. I'm like what John I get fucking three o'clock. So you know, what it's cocktail for me. That's bed. That's. Maybe he's going to join your may goes to bed at three o'clock. No Joan does. Oh Jones terrible. Because it's quiet and I owned now he's eating your pretzels. He's very should parties trained. Go home till I love it. No. This is home here. I love it. Very only. No, really. It's the real deal for sure so running every day. Wow. I need it too. Crazy. I used to run I I hike now and walk and do whatever doing whatever you're doing you. It's right. It's okay. There's something I my joints are too old. But you're look at you. You're wait a minute. You did a guest star on million dollar on the six million dollar man you stole some bionic. Joan van ark. Delighted me Noonan annoys him by onyx ongoing stuff in your arm. I know where did you get that I-? He pulls back thing and shows his arms with all the wiring. I said, ooh, where did you get that? You know? I remember. So it turned out to be gay. I had the biggest crush on Lee majors. I thought I was gonna merrily majors also Chad Everett and medical center, which you also that one. And he was mean to me because. Yes. But here's here's what what because he is gorgeous. And I loved every minute of that of looking at him. But they suddenly changed elastic and entire scene, and they handed me the pages saying, hey, we're chained in and he screamed and yellow. Oh with your. We're going to do it. We're gonna change it. And that just I I just completely locked, thanks. Well, you know, what you just made me gayer. Thanks. Not you know, what I still have my Chad Everett now, she's snow. No Lee majors Chad Everett. You're right. Good choices. If you're going to go that route fictional relationships this fictional men. Okay. Well, I go with it. I buy. Hold that thought. Joan. I this is so exciting this happy or I need to go take a little nap. And my casper mattress. Oh, the most comfortable bed ever it. Right. You've had one for years. Jody Hamilton finally just got one. Yup. Carlos is rocky is had one for years everyone's getting one because why warmer weather's finally here time for spring cleaning. You could spend time sprucing up house in yard. But if you really wanna I parts spart start. Yes. 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Casper dot com. The code is Miller and get one hundred dollars toward the purchase of select mattresses. Additional fees may apply for Alaska and white terms and conditions apply. Now back to you Joan. But you know, it's so interesting. We joke around about, you know. Aaron spelling pretty people. What it was he had that was at the party was in the creator of air spelling lessons there. No, he wasn't there. No, not him. But I'm sorry. Who was there that one of the executive producers who was done mills party? Well, I don't think it wasn't definitely wasn't Aaron spelling. Maybe maybe it was the one that did the movie she did with Jennifer Lawrence was anyway. But what I was saying, Jack. Oh, that's another discussion. What's happening? Okay. He's something. Oh, my dog is another the scene from airplane. Like, I'm looking at you in behind me, my dogs on being your husband. I apologize. Og, Stu love him. Yes. I have to say that my dog is going vow on your husband apologize now. Laurie. What was I saying? Oh, no. But you know, I the formula first of all look people do like to watch really pretty people. But here's the other thing. Not in your more. See, I think that's changing. Right. But what I'm saying is it is interesting because I told you politics in the eighties, right? Like, my dad ran with I voted for Reagan. I was a dumb you ac- kit. I didn't have voted husband to steal my eyes floors. So you dad that particular I vote different depending, you know. No, I, but what I'm saying is like it's interesting because you're saying like, you're from an era where people you don't talk politics, right? Where you're like. All you hear and see and breathe, right? Is different than the eighty like L title. Like Reagan seems like a nice guy. I didn't I was twenty one when I voted for I didn't. But I thought I associate that whole era right Dallas knots landing like right, though. It's perfect. You know, you have to be perfect in that it couldn't be more different. Now by it's in fact, the more imperfect would Patricia Arquette has just done a movie, which I'm dying to see I think it's called act. She's a moon chalices syndrome. You know who? Yes. And and the thing is she's right? I Dordogne that she says she's got the scruffy old wig on and she's disappearing into it. That's what an actress does in in trying to be perfect where read like Nancy Reagan on my God. That was that era and dynasty and Aaron jailing and all of that perfection. Perfection perfection. But now it's about real and kinda risky and edgy and rally show stars. Yeah. And everything you do far belch. It's it's everywhere. Yeah. I know. I know what about the Kardashian? Don't even get me. But you're right. This is how we got here to Donald Trump. Sorry, I'm talking. You're not talking about exam is that you're right. It's just it's it's the fame and the just, you know, anybody that's famous or a reality show star. I you know, it's weird. I was never a fan of reality shows from day one made them I never watched them. Well, as an actress, I'm not a fan because it's not scripted in. It's just whatever happens you. Oh. Oh into the bathroom. Yeah. I don't know. I don't use my point. I was trying to get to complement, and I weighed myself, but it was not just that you were pretty people who really great actors. I mean, you look at your background Broadway. Tony Tony award. Stage experience that that's the other thing is you were great actors, your just pretty the great storylines. It was CNN you think of it as it was fun and fluffy. And they're were also pretty offensively. Right. But I mean well in a way fantasy, but Chris feels like in some ways Dallas was more fantasy because it was wealthy in know, furs and diamonds dripping and all of that. And not was was much more. Why overs it was more fly over forgive me? But it was more that so in contrast, but the soaps by nature are kind of fantasy buckles bubbles going. So that does give it kind of pastel thing. But not was more real than Dallas. Yeah. I mean, okay. What my point is good. God. I've totally forgotten some of this Broadway debut in barefoot in the park. Tony award for school for wives on Broadway. We had. Oh, God morpheus Sean helped me Fishburne Laurence Fishburne in homeland. We're talking about, but the same thing with you think of it as a fluffy eighties pretty people series or you think of it as these comic book or whatever kinda series action. There's great actors. That's what makes them great fish birds at great actor. They also they don't get, you know, it's not like they're crappy actors because oh, this is a big, you know, like just bubblegum kinda whatever. Right. No it. Absolutely. That's the the tissue in the DNA of the actor that comes into some of the more frothy shows, but the truth is they can execute. What the writer gives them on the page and make you believe every single word of it. And that's what the Laurence Fishburne actors or Michelle Lee, who's also incredibly Broadway. But I I agree and Larry Hagman. God bless him. He was he was the bomb. I was another crush. I drew genie. Oh that. Yes. Well, that was his warm up though. Because look what I mean they are in Dallas for him. I don't know how many years it was. And now, it's the medical show. I'm going up on the name that that's going like eighteen or nineteen years Ellen Ochoa pay a graze. Yeah. Many years is that run on when something survived that long. It's just been nominal upset Oli phenomenal. Yeah. So ari. I don't even know where to also you wanna daytime EMMY for hosting tournament of the roses out here. Right. Well, that that I don't know if the daytime EMMY, it was soap, I think that that I was not young and restless, I did ready agreed days pedia was ever wrong. What is this for the president host of tournament of roses? Maybe there's well-made. This is a good day. I need that. I want to hear about that. I wanna read about that one thing that did happen. Just last week that I'm kind of through about the New York Times, crossword puzzle. My cousin saw it had a picture of him. Doing the crossword puzzle in the newspaper. I think it's big time because I was born in New York City. It's time to me if anything I say, oh, that's so New York. And if I don't like it, I say and forgive me Encino. But I say, oh, that's so Encino. That's so Tustin. You know, bad. I don't like to put anybody down though, want everyone. Did love me. Yes. Let the truth is anything New York to me is. And that's Broadway. Sure. Yeah. That's the real deal. That's the super test. That's there's no faking there you really have to go balls to the wall. Yeah. Which is also a runner saying. Yeah. No. It's a runners term. Well, right. And you were born in New York City, right? Like you were born to a madman an advertising VR guy. Exact that. Okay. Yes. Indeed. And my mother was a writer. Yeah. My sis- ill is both riders three siblings. So we and then you moved to boulder boulder. What a why? Running from law. No, yes. My father was in trouble. No, he was in Denver to do some he wrote for time and life magazine, and he was doing an assignment or a project in Denver. And somehow for some reason drove from Denver to boulder and got out on this hilltop. Which is where our house was built. He got out. And there were no houses on the hilltop. And he looked around. And there was one hundred eighty degree half of the three sixty view Pike's peak on one side and Cheyenne, Wyoming on the other side and all Rocky Mountain vista there. And he got out, and he said, this is where I wanna raise my family and enough went back to west nyc New York where I grew up until age seven, and we hacked everything up and moved out to Colorado state in a house while our house was being built. And even now there it is on the hilltop are comb stead. Yeah. Did you? Did you love it? I loved it. I rode horseback, which I know is by. Running pill because they're solitude riding horseback. I need to go running with you. I need to know. So you were you were runner and now you high. Well, I yeah. I mean, I've always run a little and hike because my daughter lives right near here. And she likes get your dog Gimmie wife to run to hike. We're going to this is. So is this is this is heaven. Are. I just okay. I love the arcs of your life at age fifteen is a student reporter, you met and interviewed. Actress Julie Harris who lake literate commended you to the Yale school of drama, and then Harris later appeared on knots landing at your mom. Do you believe that? So that was my lily Tomlin lily Tomlin got my first agent. She I interviewed her is a baby radio DJ. She got my first agent ICM. She's been my sort of mentioned of pheno. I know she's just love I love because I feel like we're in this whole era of the sisterhood between me too. And the women's March fierce new female congress empowerment, I just thought like those are the stories, right? Where I know that she helped you and then like, right? Yes. A continuation and a continuum of of female energy goes and goes from one to the other. I think it's amazing. What's happening? Now. I'm wondering now because you are so politically savvy s you think our next president might be a. Yes. You do. I hope and pray because one just got fucked out of it that rightfully one. But let's not go there to talk about politics. I john. Careful careful. No, I have a ninety six year old FOX watching Trump voting Republican mom, she still think my dad's been gone since eighty three and she thinks he loved Trump. And I'm like, I know he would hate everything he stands for my dad was a prosecutor at Nuremberg, and he he would him saying like they're very fine people on both sides in Charlottesville with Nazis there. I'm like, no, he's okay. Sorry. John. I won't these disgrace. He's a disgusting. Pig. Trader of a man. All right. I didn't say that you say that I echo. Who said that? Okay. I didn't say that. No, not at all not at all. Not all right. But no, what was my point. Now, I've gotten off my boy, I know, but just that it's interesting just politics when you it was it really just was different to in the eighties and the whole way can ehre, and it wasn't everybody's business. Now is everybody's business. That's an rather than that. It's like the I'm not gonna say name where Jesse smollet. What I mean? Why don't know? I don't know yet. Can't that is talk about layered situation feel like one black gets away with something. It's probably and we just something. Okay. That's maybe we should talk politics. Instead, I sit a lot of white guys John. I'm not saying that anybody would take a lot of stuff that one John loves me. I can tell no listen. He does what he at the party at Donna's guests and on the way home. I'll he did talk about he'd loves he listened to you on the radio. And he said was it KFI where were you on the radio s KFI an KABC? I've been. From everywhere on could have heard me almost any he'd love to he listened to you all thinking, John you have great taste in women. Have I mentioned that we're going to bring you fully to the light the light wing amid to the law. But no he did. No, I totally bonded with both of you. I was like what a delightful smart. Just interesting funny. Couple like, and I just love that you've been together since nineteen sixty nineteenth. Well, fourteen don't let's not do that fake out with numbers. Because basically, I'm an idiot, but numbers like how much you weigh? How old are you Seventy-nine that? No not. And you have a beautiful, right? Avoid this model. Singer nessa is just wars ING you guys would have such beautiful daughter. Well, she inherited all his yes, it is shock. She has all his microphone kind of thing because she's done. Can you move your head John I've been a fan of your's ever since you were can NBC handsome man's reporter. Okay. All right. All of this is too good. It's true. I wanna know I could have music behind. I love it. When I see John just wafting. We're going to go on vacation together me and my future wife that you're going to find to find on boy loved his Cayenne BC. Okay. All right. Go ahead. Okay. I will John Vanessa is guardians of the galaxy playing Zoe. Zoe Saldana part in guardians of the galaxy Star Wars rebels. There's like two or three pilots they are some sort of an offshoot of Star Wars. She goes to all these Comecon things and the autograph shows and all that stuff because animation. It's a whole new. Yeah. I'm actually going to do my first one like that marvel marvel is the one she worked for Disney on one. I think it wasn't and marvel for the other so mom doesn't which is wit. But she's and she has set up not as elaborate is this amazing space. I'm in right now. But she has yes, very. She has a whole set up does everything from the house. It's just amazing task. I should go over and record with her. Yes, please. Let's do that to wait. You can meet her. I would love to she straightened ARL. Yes, listen. I'm sure she is I'm keeping the family. It would. No, it'd be beautiful, and then we can all drink wine. Like, we'll just take a story and maybe from the same bottle, John and I will just sweating sweating and sweating right lurks. Slurping sweating and slurping. I'm doing an animation tomorrow tell me because you're playing a do the voice because you're already will. I wanted my ill additions was kind to wanted to she's from New York, and they said upstate New York. And I just I didn't really know Amy buffalo wait that far upstate buffalo. Yeah. I think says you gotta get a flat Ailey cheektowaga and Tanta window. What town Lackawanna tell tell me give me the from port up to transit from cheektowaga, a one and ten window. So a sentence like the flay lady, it's very. Hits. I did a Florida. Be here. Okay. If you're not going to video cuff, you just need to do it. Just get the video cast support the show. It's about as flat as it can get my mother said if I had breast cancer I'd throw away the. Throw away the breast and keep the lump because it would be bigger. I know that's not funny. Jack doesn't have pants mom. Louise van ark is. Oh, I am dodge Negga, Norwegian Princess. No. No. But I'll tell you Joan van ark. By the way. Yes, what it is Joan of arc in Dutch. In dutch. What? So when I heard a moment of John criers where he came in with what did he have on a superman or we just had on two weeks? I was listening. Right. Yeah. So I wanted I thought maybe I should wear. My jacket has flirter leak is everything the house in our house Hasler league, Joan of art Joan van ark. My father always said I wanted my first daughter Joan, so the so it looked good in lights, and I did barefoot in the park in London. Yeah. And on the marquee was Joan van ark in barefoot in the park. And I got a photo of it which I have in my office. But my dad sadly had passed away. So he didn't ever see that. But exciting though. Yeah, here's really magically full circle. Gem flirts Lee story. This is why we were meant to be best friends and go on vacation together for the rest of our lives. Okay. Because my longest term ex. No, I know her Gemini smoking hot heat, if it were still France, anyway, she group of partially here and partially in Israel. She was tank she was a runway model in Europe and a tank instructor in Israel army. You know, as you do what's her name Puron show? But what is her? Shop not is not not guilt. It's not wonder woman. Okay. But anyway, she had flirted lease a tattoo on I don't know. I'm working somewhere. Anyway. But you know, where she got it. She got drunk when she was growing up in a Tel Aviv, and they went to the Palestinian side and she s for flirt Elise. And I was like I don't think that looks like a flirt at least I think that looks like all Jews die. I don't know. She said that she knew what she was like, I don't think I don't know. I think that she was drunk and didn't know too. It was too late. Right. Not until right drunken teenager. Even. She went to the that. It was where it was not that many people would see it. Right. Would they are what they need to wait. Let's look at all of the threads of your life. You also appeared. Okay. In an episode of wonder woman, all other gigantic. Carter has been on the show a few times right with Ted Shackelford who became of course. Your husband, Harry, Ewing. I mean, seriously all the beauty unbelievably pretty people in Hollywood, you just right? They can they connect and interconnect almost saw them all at Donna's party one thing. It's a round us. Oh god. There's there's Honey Celica was she there. Startlingly beautiful very startling. They beautiful. Yeah. But Ted Ted an idea wonder woman, just a few months before they wanted to do the pilot of knots landing and they saw a lot of guys because I did Dallas with an actor named David ackroyd, and he was unavailable shooting along a miniseries hersal and couldn't do the part, and they wanted CBS needed to shoot the pilot. So they made a ton of guys to play Gary Ewing, and they call me said Joan we really kind of like this guy named Ted Shackelford. And we understand you just worked with him. What do you think? I said oh my God. No, no way to alike. We're both crazy were both. He's not Gemini. Yes. Actually, he is. So we're nuts. I said we're too much alike. It would never work, and I go to the week later to the table read and who's across from me, but Ted show how much did they care about what Joan? Yeah. What what do you care? What do you think that didn't work? This is going to be a stupid general weird question. But I want to know what was it like to work on those kind of series in that kind of era that they were just because you're over television. Because now like you were saying, Chris, so many niches, and that's that's on this. Channels everybody in the country. Allison don's landing. That's because I did Estee Lauder during all those years. It was like twelve years of doing voiceover. Estee Lauder lips as I you can look like in van ark. This lips if you fucking with you. But go ahead and buy buy anyway at nordstrom's for much more for less, but I was doing both China's some genetics and also run seventy five miles day. Good luck with your fucking lipstick. I guess is you because you'll never make it with stay Lauder. You have to run seventy five miles to. But I I did both jobs. It was schizophrenic. Jack is the reason that I even agreed to the Estee Lauder because I love it that I got the got the voice over gate ahead of Brenda Vaccaro, whose no slouch with an incredible voice. An incredible town always sounded to me like she was a smoking the temp on she was selling. I know she. Car. We're not number one. But we're up there ride and exotic. All right. Finally, but Brenda and I see her at parties, and I'm like, oh, dear. But it was a great job for twelve years. But we couldn't record until I told Estee Lauder, and they put me up at the plaza incredible per diem always by new pair of boots at Bengals downstairs. Bottom line is they would question for every detail on Dallas and knots landing that was upcoming. They had to hear the scoop. What's what's going to happen? What's next, and I would have to go through all that. But then it was too solid days of recording. I the thirties than the sixties then the tags all the stores across the country. But isn't it interesting? Now, it's like when the mullahs report the back, then it was like who shot JR, right? Who the fuck shot? Completely fictional. He was in London. And he was strategy wise. Larry Hagman he played that. So, of course, Leded. Yes, so correctly, but it is different. And you know, I I have to turn off the I was watching news because my that's my husband's whole life. Yeah. And I would always listen to KNX or the OJ trial kind of got me on everything all things news besides jet jackass career. So no, I can't do that. I'm listening to k I s all the rock, I heart radio. I'm listening to all that. Because I don't want to commit suicide. We have I I listened to all the buzz in the U here. Barbara Bush blamed her heart attack on Trump. No, Trump for everything. But it's true. There is a lot these may mean, but there is a lot because he's given permission. I'm not saying, you know, if I made a confession. It would just I don't know. I've Chris I'm sorry. Shawn. Take out your Oregon just in case to harden. Pardon me. Okay. Beg your pardon. Go ahead. Yes. Okay. I better not. Have some more Honey? No. No, I have to. So it's so bad and dangerous. No, maybe toward the end. Just when I know we're going off the air, and I'm out of out of the house. Okay. All right. All right. All right politics. What you're right. It's like how can you not be now? There is no disconnect. But I can't this is my job. And so I know psychologists that you have to. Meanness? And it's what I was going to say is that Trump. No not. That's not my confession. But played anyway, 'cause I can confess on this Trump does give permission to everybody to just no filter base. Awful as you want to be as sexist misogynistic, something violence as you want to that's wrong. That's wrong as a not a leader. But a I happen to have this handy. The mail bomber mentioned Trump synagogue shooter mentioned Trump, the coastguard white supremacist mentioned Trump that New Zealand terrorist mentioned Trump if only we can identify pattern is that rut back true. It is you see, you know, who I want when you mentioned new-zealand, I want that I want that has a husband said a baby, but he's just trying to be a fucking because logger buzzkill when he tells me that because I listened chills because good. Say someone's straight. There's the woman I wish I will say this on the air. I wish that woman whose name I don't know that I could if I remember. And if I remember something, and maybe it is. Let me Miller. This. Okay. Prime minister Stephanie the partner that the. He's a he's a inconvenience. But this woman it she must come airfare. Through her husband Val while through. Lean if you sweep e which is what Julie called me Juilliard, but this woman is capable ship. We need. She is succinct. She's artesia youthful. She's wonderful hugging. People and talking to people wearing. And doing a Muslim call to prayer and banning automatic weapons in six days, no political parties and meetings and gatherings, and she just leads and she clean and positive. I don't want to say positive, but just it's succinct forgotten. What a leader look-a-like. Yes. She is a standing going because but we had that with Obama, and you saw him cry for sandy hook. You don't have gotten to be friends with Fred Gutenberg who lost his daughter at parkland lost his daughter, Jamie and. I just don't you seen this to parkland kids committed suicide one Newtown dad just committed suicide this week. You cannot imagine you can you imagine Gutenberg. You know, he talked about the air. Fifteen can you imagine getting your mind running semi daughters spine was severed by air fifteen? I mean. That's why you can't listen to the news now because if it isn't political it's things like that that the it's in the air that I it's it's very. I can't wait. Now, I'm going to run out the door because that's why I run running just takes away. The maybe the word is exiled positioning Zayed's in a way, and I hope to God literally that this next time around that there is something or someone because right now, there's what how many candidates Twenty-one is it twenty. That it's in the twenties. It's a lot. Yeah. So I don't know just mind boggling, but you know, there is something Joan what this we're talking about that you and Michelle Lee have and Donna mills that I was saying today, this extraordinary Amy klobuchar just tweeted a link to camera harasses op Ed about teacher salary how to how to fix teacher pay. And she said, here's a great idea from comma Harris running for president. Here's a great idea. Now, that's this out. What comal? Beautiful. That's beautiful. Yeah. And that's also in the right place because the young I mean, if you don't empower that what's generation rhyming up AO, see who I think is founding, and and you know, she they all have each other's back when you know, Rashida to lead took shit like Bronx Detroit ride together got your back on that is beautiful sisterhood. Ansi Pelosi, Maxine Waters mentoring. These fierce young women that I don't know. How old your daughter is? But. The generations going to save us. Hopefully, nobody it always is that it's who's coming up. Now, you want to empower them, you know, they always say, what's the most important thing. You can give your child. I think it's confidence Jack is a master at that taking care of an Esa when I'm busy doing my makeup and trying to go back east to do some Mickey Mouse anything Jack has been a part of that. It's very much empower them and give them confidence and make them. No, you know, the fearlessness and speaking of that could be questioning for someone like, Jack, I'm saying I question, I mean, maybe what you know what? Chris maybe. Jack. What do you think about the college of the admissions? See I love Felicity hoop Huffman. I. Okay. Let's that power. Just the nessa went to Princeton on her own power are our daughter, but I Don. Use of my mother's name. Actually, that's my mother's name is Dorothy van Mark they called her dotty. But she did. In fact, go to prison, but but but is now now I've lost track. But but but the the layered thing of the college admissions, I I understand what a busy mother like Felicity or maybe Lori. Yeah. I know. But that's all it. That's very layered too. Because you always want the best for Europe but daughter, but is in fact, true, the old fashioned way is the way to do that. And you can't cut corners. It sounds like you and jacker like that. You know, you guys do the work do the work in my father did to my father dad was a janitor. But he went to Notre Dame on his own power. And I got into UC on my own power get into Stanford and Notre Dame. And you're right. There is something it doesn't have to do with, you know, black or white or rich or poor whatever. Basically, fairness we all have. One of us played by the rules by the rules. Pay the dues and do the homework. See it's the homework Mark favor for your kids to get them into somewhere. They're not qualified for by cheating. Well, I'm wondering what is shown on everything in his whole life. Sorry. You're not saying that I am by cheating. We are teaching our children that it's okay to cheat at everything in your life, including election to get if you do that. But I also think some of the DNA for him is Brooklyn queens, a there's a bit of that street. Now, there's something St. street not not filter because if he's up at three which I can relate to the thing and doing the tweets and the things I don't think he's a think things are just firing out like bullets, and there has to be some I don't know some thinking power behind it. But here we go that would require a brain. Okay. See I dragged her into it. Okay. Can I just let me just try to calm down a minute. Because I already was so excited you were coming. I love you so much. Much. And then you get the note, no politics. We're ready for that. We're doing valley of the dolls. All star benefit reading at LA's LGBT center may third and fourth. I have to be there. I I'm already there. I'm gonna go go make sure I get a seat. Now. It's only March who's playing mealy. Okay. Okay. My Bruce Vallance. No, no, no Wilson Cruz who just did the happy hour. No, I'm selling all the all the guys like Alec MAPA, and Bruce blanche, and Greg Louganis is in okay. Joely Fisher, first of all there's one decree. Stephanie Miller happy hour separation because Wilson Cruz was just here. He's playing Neely. I do a teaser. Yes. All com. Okay. So hang on a second. Joely Fisher is the narrator you have to get her your booking her for us. Mokgathle was just here as Bellamy. Greg Lou gayness, Tony polar? He was just here. Lorraine Newman you have to get us her. We haven't had her yet. Also, narrated Shirley Ralph. I just met her you need to get us her as Helen Lawson. Oh, Joan van. Loss of production. And that's me Helen Lawson frus- Falange as Jennifer, okay? Okay. Okay. Mersa Jared Winokur as misdiagnosed. I can't we play. This is an all star cast. Saying are you can get tickets but going to hang onto Andersen. Our favorite drop ever for Stephanie Miller is ju- out of Hollywood. So you can crawling back to way, we'll roadway doesn't go in dope. Get outta my way without going to man week for me. Bye. That was how. Rebellion results the train with Swiss. Oh. Bruce blanche loose reliance for sure would what get on train with me. Okay. It's WWW dolls valley dot com. So that's d l L S valley. V A L L E Y one word WWW dolls valley dot com for tickets. All right. And we're having all of these people that we have already had on because you're gonna stop joely Fisher getting us. Okay. Lorraine Newman, Sheryl Lee Ralph this is you got to put a little stars the ones Maria. Jarrett winokur. I can't wait to how do I how do I explain where do I how explain how excited I this? I don't. Okay, you are. So speaking my language valley of the dolls. It's. Number returned valley of the dolls all God. And Patty Duke was in the first or. Neely? That's oh, I think that's Bruce. But oh, no. You said Wilson Wilson rose Neely, but also it's in tuxes and evening count. And I'm playing Lee grant, I'm sort of debating, whether I would get these because I want to look away a certain, and maybe the blunt Kuttan, I want I want to get the glasses with the rhinestones on it, which isn't grant. But I wanna do my of right? Sure. Yeah. Kind of thing. Yeah. That's it. And sooner than later, you know, it's just I think it's going to be unreal. And they they think tickets will go quickly people here this. They're probably gone, but we're going their thing you netting a matinee on Saturday because it's Friday night. Amazed third and fourth LGBT centers, Ren Burgtheater. That's right. And it's on what is it? We'll take. You don't worry about this. You just worry about your wig, and your fucking whatever you do rhinestone lessons. Right. Yes. Ganz's in it. Jim. Well, he's going to look, you know, cut in his was just a huge splash on the half hour. See what I did there? I'm such. Right. There you go. Perfect dive perfect. I talked to him about because I met him at a of some kind of thing on rodeo at ju restore was doing a special something cocktail party. And I said I think of him as in the Olympics taking it's the rep for an actor before the died. I said I would watch him because he was so focused. It's one two three four steps bounce bounce perfection. He showed me more than anything in the world. And he said you have to do imaging or something is some word that I didn't understand shrink talk may be. I don't know. But I think he's right. It is a it's an image and a focus, but he showed me that more than any because I love athletics. It shows you how to be good actor. Yeah. Isn't that a weird full circle the conversation? We had with him. No, no. But talk about the hysteria in the eighties when he hit his head. And there was blood in the pool it were frayed about as but look at was Linda Evans, right who kissed oh a rock Hudson Hudson. Yes. In the was this hysteria and God bless angels. Like, Elizabeth Taylor. That's not yet when it was not popular yet been career ending to to support to support. That's the whole that's kind of a little bit of the vibe there's but that is very true. It's what in what you believe in. What you stand for? But see I wanna do Elizabeth Taylor in a short going to the abbey. Yes. Yes. And I want rupaul because I wanted to be a contemporary driving mistake where an to have as a partner of friend and have them walking down the street of West Hollywood, I see the walkway at the end of this short. And there's a line and driving miss daisy. You know, what Hogue you may be the best friend. I have which is the mistake says. Yeah. To him I want that. But and I wanna get rupaul to to that. And do this kind of partner to characters we happen to have a very good friend that works at race. Rupaul my Honey holder, and they call this a cozy did rupaul drag race that was one of the judges. Yes. And they got me because he knew I needed the Honey they got me the Honey and this too cozy, and it's just a little sock to put on their on. Never. Yeah. They had a lot of socks, I guess. But. Precious little tiny actress honeybee, injure, just not. And now you in a Jack of told me about all the nuts crazy knots landing in Lauder money. I'm just saying you're not only gonna find me my wife, you're going to pay for the vacation together because your dog. And I think that's a fair that would trade. Yeah. Signed, but he has to be two or three years old. Okay. Male first choice, but mayo mail. No, it doesn't matter. Doc. You know, what it is? Entity in your recipe choice fluidity. Yeah. And in the decision, but the fact is it's you always know to see dogs is these two I line. Oh, the moment the Seoul. But it's in. Yes. And look at this. I want to be the person my dog thinks I am. Oh, you're the things you have Jack has what's the thing behind the desk? Jack that that you had because a semi about going to have an all the best things up there in heaven, not people but dog house is not a home without a dog. I used that went outside. I have. Yeah. It's so true. Yeah. And now Jack has made me fluid in terms of my future spouse choice book good that whatever we come up with. You know, it's. To be your choice mortgage board. If you will whoever changes my bed pan. Okay. Listen, Joan van ark. You are. I you are everything. In more. We expected you are at the value. The goal balls thing is just sent me. Into the. Did I lose my shit? When she told me this silly learning a diaper, just yes. Like I've been for ten mile run with you after eating seaweed. I listen Joan van ark. You were fantastic. How do we what do we do? Do. We follow you on Twitter on the no I've got to do that. I know they don't. Joan van ark down dot com. I have my Shakespeare that I just is Joan van ark dot com. Perfect and everything. Oh, you get closer. Yes. And I will bring you or try to bring you your. Thank you choice of wonderful talented, amazingly funny, people doing valley of the dolls on may, what did you tell me three and four may. Yes, we will bring meal. So my future wife an hour. It's a package deal on the website is dolls valley dot com. All right. Joan van. What's not in great about this? Cayenne, not you not. What what's not great, not not? Not we love you. Joan Ben are happy happy hour. Thank you. It's been the happiest hour. In the year.

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