We Talked Fashion, Ex-Boyfriends and C-Sections With Arielle Charnas
Lina mom is the toughest job there is and it doesn't come with instructions. So it's okay. If you don't have all the answers figure it out together this mom brain with alario Baldwin and Daphne US hate is welcome back to mom brain. I'm Daphne and I'm Ilaria and today we had Ariel China's of something maybe I'm sure a lot of you guys are already following her on instagram. She's a mom of two today. We're GONNA talk about Motherhood we're GonNa talk about some. There are some tears on this. Podcast there is a lot of laughing. there's some good wisdom. Why think in that way? This is kind of the perfect representation of what we always hoped. Membrane would get to be which is real honest raw candid conversations with moms you either know in love or or should know and love and about how they deal with everything that life throws at us and we'll talk to you after the interview but now here is Ariel China's I'm Ariel Charleena's The founder of something Navy and Mother of two. I have so many questions to ask you about. What makes you tick because you really have? Launched an amazing brand. Thank you and it's really come about from it. Seems very organic place of who you are so much of it is surrounding your family. You show you're you're just like Daphne me where we really show behind the scenes of everything so go. Why did you tell us I mean yeah like I feel like whenever I share this story? People expect like this whole thought out process. That happened in it it. Nothing really happened I just I just organically started documenting my life and my family and everything that I was doing and people just caught onto it And I try not to really think about. Who's watching or how many people are following Muir? Who who's you know Dissecting my photos and videos every single day because. I don't think that I would be able to do what I do if I were to think about that and I sort of just have been. I don't know sharing every little moment behind the scenes personal things that Make me you know vulnerable but at the same time I feel like that's what's connecting me to my audience Everything's very real on edited I don't think twice before I post anything. Which sometimes is not the best thing but I honestly just think that my family and friends are watching anything. That's what has made it grown into what it is today on my personal account but in the last well I'll start from the beginning so I started it for other reasons started guy I was dating someone and he wanted me to find my passion. I was young. I had no idea what I wanted to do so I was trying all these different things to impress him And somehow my sister was like you love putting together start posting them on a website It's called blog spot so I downloaded it for like twenty dollars and posting photos. Whoever would take my picture like I? Just ask anyone to just take a photo post. Mail all fits And I was doing that on the side of like working I think it was. I don't remember what year two thousand nine at theory in retail and it was just a hobby and then six months and so. I was trying to impress him He broke up with me. he never came back. But I fell in love with just sharing my looks with everyone and Interacting with women from all over the world and then six months later this woman started agency. That ripped Influencers and I was able to quit retail and do this as a fulltime job and then In two thousand seventeen nordstrom approached me to create a capsule collection in house with one of their brands. I think It was called. Treasury bond and it sold out within the first twenty four hours so after that they came back and asked for me to launch a standalone brand something navy and at sold out to We actually crashed the website three times which was pretty surreal and After a year and a half of doing that I had the option to either continue working with the retailer or bringing it in house and I chose to bring it in house so I ran a Si Yo. We closed fundraising in August. And we went from a team of three to twenty five. So wow that's where we are now or launching in April Our store and our online website so direct to consumer shopping online and also the media aspect of it Sweet a lot going on Very overwhelmed by in the best way possible and sharing all that with my followers was that scary at all. I mean as a you know I I love and I think it's incredible because I do think it's It speaks so much to what people find so warm and wonderful about you as the authenticity that you have to let your not filtering everything that you're not constantly worried. What will be the what will what would random people think of this. It's what what will my family and frank of this But but do you ever get scared when you launch a new? I mean look at Terracina people investing in us. Now restful for the. I mean for April. I mean I'm terrified. There's it's all of it is very. I mean it's not completely unknown. Just because I I did. Have this partnership with Nordstrom. So I've been able to collect a lot of data and they were producing the line for you and your producer by yourself. Our producing every house so That information though that I got from Nordstrom allowed us to create a line. That's super curated I use all the feedback from my followers to conversation. They help me design I pull on instant stories almost every single day about the collection so I have like basically the exact answers that I need to create a line. That's inevitably going to. I mean I hope sell out because it's exactly what they're asking for Also with sizing I mean. I know exactly what I was supposed to order for inventory because of what we did at Nordstrom and wouldn't you know We learned from affiliates. So it's pretty precise which is unusual. But I think that's what differentiates us from a million other brands. There's a ton of style influencers out there on time or you different other than share who you are your your children. You know how you are with them. You're obviously a really great hands on mom but what what about your style going back to the beginning about how you put looks gather because I literally I look at them and I'm like I want to wear that too. But what's your thought process when you're putting together and you don't just like a one look of the day you're like we'll be like here's twenty different outfit. Yeah I mean so I think what makes me different from for another influence or is I'm sharing my everyday life not traveling around the world and taking beautiful photos and going to fashion weeks. I mean I do go to New York fashion week but I'm sharing on my life as well now thirties but in my thirties. Do you just turned thirty thirty two. Nope just close your eyes really tightly. And she's like five. Everyone knows it's okay. I share you know. I've shared my journey from starting the blog. My family life falling in love getting married Getting pregnant my my delivery my highs and lows of being a mother but also balancing my career and I know a lot of other influencers do that but I think that would differentiates me is that. I'm not looking to be an ID girl in the fashion world. I'm just looking to be a successful entrepreneur While Balancing Motherhood and that's what. I think makes me a little different than everyone else Mike content is super on added. There's no thought process behind my backdrops. There's no Serious thought process behind putting mouth. It's together I honestly dress based on my mood. I wake up in the morning and I'm like do I feel like fancy jam. I going to be an upper east side. Mom Or am I gonNa be you know cool like lower east side. You'll it gets very much like a mood and because I'm a Gemini. Yes dress up. It changes constantly so I mean I think everyone is different because their styles are completely different. I mean I've never copy anyone else. I'm very much based off of how I feel so Yeah I think. That's what differentiates may for MOMS everywhere. Who are constantly trying to not look like we didn't make any effort. Yes but don't have a ton of yeah. Is there like a process that you've made even when you were lizzy yet to like an easy go to I mean I? I've I ask you all the time because I'm fascinated by people who always look really well put together and some of them have like Sunday nights. I put all my outfits together which she knew this in person or on Instagram This is in person. Okay which weird. I know I agree. I was like Billy Sir. Yeah but no these people think that and some of them are just really organized and methodical in life and I. I wish I was that person. I really would love to be that person. I say that but I don't make any changes. Actually make those changes. So I don't know on to say but I do when I I'm just curious if there's a if like do you refresh your wardrobe regularly. Do you give away things. You haven't worn in six. Is there a process that actually helps you edit so your brain space functions better? There's no process. It's a mood thing so like one day I'll be like okay. I'm getting rid of half of my wardrobe because I don't like anything in my closet in which you have those moments to my God yes. I'm completely normal. I mean I yeah I have my sustain or some of the girls in the office my nanny or my house right give every all of my stuff to them And it goes I go through phases But for my like what I would tell moms. Go to if you don't have time to shower or wash your hair look put together like my favorite thing to do is put on a lip Lip Color Throw your heart into a ponytail. Jeans and sweater are like an easy like you can't go wrong But jewelry also I think is an important thing. You'll rely wardrobe weapon. I love it thing. It completes the outfit a matter. The whole jewelry thing what. What are you talking about your your Chinese but like like for example my kids. They ripped off the necklace that I usually wears. I have to get it fixed and so then I put this on. That has mike his burst onto. Alex gave to me was like very colorful than I like. I'm like I need to take it off at some point and no guy and then my earrings I've just been. I wear like whatever earrings worn for the past like three weeks before like I have some reason to change them because I'm so tired but I don't think there's anything like it. We have jewelry on together and like my this bracelet. Yes Allah gave me this bracelet in the summer for our anniversary and I love it and I don't know how to take it off so I need literally that's like my life is like the only thing I'm good at taking off our my rings and I take them off to wash my face and then I put them on in the morning. I'm like I've done something. Yeah it's a big step big savings too much setting boundaries setting the bar so so going because I think you know I think a lot of MOMS who listen to the to listen to bring on the one hand. It's really fun to get to hear people who you love. You love so much about them here. Their perspective on parenting on on a mother had Because it's so cool to see that we are all living so many same moments and I'm really curious because you you started when you were a kid a well before marriage. Well before his raven a dream What was the transition into like? And you said you know you share real time which I'm also really curious about because especially when you share and we both shared hard moments of and it's it's interesting to me to share real time because you don't really know we're still so vulnerable and you don't really know how your own response is going to be an don't want the unsolicited by sin. Just hearing from people runner. Yeah one. It's hard to know what your feeling is. If you're still processing and then everyone is trying to help you. You know So I'm just I'm just really curious how that transition operated for you from sharing the part of like when it was just you to bringing your husband in bringing your girls in like what was that like. It was freely natural and organic. I mean I did it. My husband loves what I do in the beginning. He was very confused he was like. Why are you posting yourself on the Internet But then when he really started to learn and understand business behind it he became obsessed He was actually the person that Met with my now. Ceo with me several times and then was like he's amazing. I think he's so smart like I want you spend more time with him and I to be honest. He really is a big part of my business now. But that wasn't right away. When I first met him with social media he was a little Standoffish with it. But then he became like he took over and it's who my followers really WanNa see now And he's totally okay with that. He actually started a company. That's real estate on mixed with social media So he's trying to sort of change. The real estate game by evolving with what the world is today which I think is amazing and then with kids. I mean I was nervous. I was nervous that you know. Big Portion of my followers are under twenty. Yeah so I was nervous that when I got pregnant I would lose that. That chunk of people They're actually my biggest like they're the most obsessed with my kids and my family which I'm actually really surprised about but like the fifteen year old and her fifty year old. Mother are the ones that come to my meet and greet like they're it's like what they bond over is something navy and and watching the kids and and sending DMZ back and forth and videos of the girls doing something funny so it actually worked out really nicely I think motherhood was probably the toughest just because I didn't know how much I wanted to share. I was very lucky that I didn't have tough pregnancies. I got pregnant fairly quickly with both of them but my second delivery was really tough for me. I I had well. I mean it's I feel you know what it is. I feel so guilty talking about it because compared to what other people have gone through it sounds. Let me tell you something. Yeah it's all it's okay for part of it to be hard. Say to me all the time. They were like wait a miscarriage but was just at five weeks. I'm like that doesn't matter. It's a miscarriage. I know don't feel on here that I know judgments. Yeah if it was hard for you. You're allowed to have sold. It doesn't matter what anybody I appreciate that. So I mean I shared what I went through after my delivery and I had so many people attack me because they were like. It's ridiculous like you're trying to. I Dunno seeks like it was just not advice any or comments that I wanted to hear but at the same time the amount of messages that I got from women who went through the same thing just made me feel Gla- just glad that I shared it because it it helps some people. I'm so what happened. Was My my. I was in natural delivery In so I expected that with my second you know I was GonNa have only know exactly and I was going to deliver her and push her out and it was going to be the same experience on. I ended up going into Labor two weeks early in having an emergency c section which was fine. My C section went completely fine but afterwards I just wasn't myself I would say honestly up until today like I still am. I'm completely so much better but I'm it changed me. It changed me as a person I felt really guilty that I didn't push her out and I didn't deliver the natural way I felt like my Doctor. Lied to me Because she wanted just get the surgery done on the night that she was off I kept going back in and meeting with her just to like rehear the story to make sure that it was so necessary to do it. This way I was nervous like that. My baby wasn't going to be the same as my first because of this delivery And then I just I basically made myself sick like I was having severe anxiety that was just giving me horrible symptoms and seeking like reassurance for my health it was just it took over and I shared that I shared that story with my followers. And what had been going through. 'cause I the anxiety was so bad that it went into like a depression and it was a scary time for me And when I shared it you know I got two ends of the spectrum so some people were like thank you so much for sharing this guy to run through c-section and I haven't been the same and I don't know what's wrong with me and then bieber like go at yourself. Yeah like you had a healthy baby. You're saying that you're still struggling with now. What do you? What do you think you need to do to release yourself from from that guilt I think it's you know it's something that I've sort of accepted you know. It didn't go the way that I had planned but I went into. Cbt therapy which is cognitive behavioral therapy where they give you tools to sort of. Get yourself out of that. Group has the lupus vicious cycle desserts and it feeds itself. So I am I you know. I carry a lot of the tools that she gave me and wall. You know I don't think I'll ever not having anxiety I've learned like ways to come. Not Spiral Louis. I'm paranoid though is interesting that way though. I think because I think it's it sounds. All of parenting is an exercise in giving up control and yet we still feel guilty. Somehow when and it it it could be an any number of areas But I think I think I'm really curious to hear how you there any processes that you can share about how to break that cycle because I think we it's so lit first. Part of your day is groundhog day. So you're being confronted with the same things may exactly that like triggered you in the first place you get them all the time But then also you feel like we're we're all you know right. It's parenting is the thing we care about. We care we care about the most. I'm sorry I'm getting really emotional because I do feel like I feel like MOMS. Hide a lot of the exiled in the stress that we all deal with and And it does make me worry that we crush it underneath and not that creates real. That creates that's what I was doing what I was doing and I think that For me it became like A became a like a health thing and I just was so nervous that from this surgery it changed my body and I was not gonna I was Gonna be taken away from my kids at it. It took over it still. Does I still have this trim? It's traumatic even if you have a plan c section you cut open and and it's out of your your out of control. You know like with pushing like you can push can stop when you need to. And and with with the c-section I remember her coming in. I was there without. I mean it was my mom's sixtieth birthday party in Brooklyn that night. We were getting ready and I was having like weird contractions but they were different than my first so I didn't know what was wrong so I called the doctor and she was like just go in. You know your two weeks before you're due date And the baby was lying transverse so I just WanNa make sure that we're on top of it. God forbid anything you know if you go into Labor so I went to the hospital thinking like they were. GonNa Check me out and leave which they kind of were. I mean we went in there like you're having small contractions They're like you're not dilated. But you're Surbek soft so I think that you'll be okay like like you can go back home and five minutes later. She came back in and was like actually. Your doctor lives like a couple of blocks away. She just wants to come check you out. So that's what threw me off. Because I was like I'm not dilate and I'm having like small. Braxton Hicks contractions like why is she coming in like? Did she have a free Saturday night? Like that's where my mind kept going And when she got there she came in. She's like yeah. She's like looking at the paper. You're contractions but the really small like radic I don't know. And then she put her hand up and she was like okay. You're dilating we're going to have to go into the operating room so I was like what I don't even diaper bag nothing And she was like I just. It's happening fast because you weren't dilating before so we need to go in. She took me away from my husband that I didn't know what was I. Felt like the amount de emotions that I felt in that moment. Were so like all over the place because I was so excited because at that point. Just get this baby out of me your nine months and you're like I'm ready to be done for that the same time. You're like but wait. I'm going into surgery. I'm going into an operating room like I don't know what's about to happen. Had you ever had surgery before? Never I mean my tonsils right. It was like nineteen. I don't remember that. But they took me right away and they don't let your husband and when they do the at the epidural and so I'm alone with an I love my doctor so I was okay but I was alone with her and they laid me down and put this Kurt like it. Just everything was happening so fast and I didn't have any control and I was like. Please don't start until my husband gets inches. He's changing hoping and five minutes. Mike Okay can you wake you? Just wait and then he came in and I was like okay like you could start now. And she's like wordy like in aerial and I was like white like what is it like you. I didn't feel anything and I was so ill I was so sick from it and I remember when the baby came out. I couldn't even hold her. Yeah hold her. I could cry just talking about it like that. Made me so. It was sick to my stomach. You know that was an everytime we talk about it. I cry but I have a healthy baby. And she's the best child if you haven't seen her daughter as me rich now that we're both delicious. But like as long as that. We wouldn't is she born what? She was born in June in June. So Romeo is Is May feel like a month the difference you know what the age is like this aging they do is my favorite either way? This is the age where I always get pregnant. How one because you're like no so nice. And then they turn to almost like black it all out and you're like. Oh my God I missed that baby stage but then and I don't know I have thank you so much like at this point. I'm like ready to keep to go from where even when I talk about this crying because of the the experience I still WanNa do it again. It's like of course it is wrong with me. I'm like one of the things you know just going going into sort of like. When we get into these these genres I've had different traumas in my life And I got very much Focused on on something called somatic experiencing which sounds a little bit similar to one while you're doing but it's basically about realizing when you're starting to spiral when you're dissociating in a different place and then being able to pull yourself back. President. Remind yourself but okay but that's not happening right now because it's all this body and when we make ourselves physically sick from emotion some of it can be a release crying. That's a really wonderful thing. And then some of US makes some all the time on the as long as weeping all the time but But you know there's something about being able to pull yourself back into your feeling and just reminding yourself. I am here and everything is okay right now and being able to deal with it but understanding that it was a different time the definition of trauma that I like is too much too soon. And so it's kind of like the idea that you have a tube and you're trying to stick as that's too big down it's overwhelming and it can be different for different phases in your life like if I told my kids. Brush your teeth. Get Your Pajamas on. Go to bed. I'm leaving right now. It would be a traumatic experience weather. But if I said to you you'd be like why are you in my house? You know what I mean. So it's like just being able to realize what am I prepared for it and then in a situation where it's an emergency c section? There's no way you can be prepared for that because that was not the plant where this was not the plan and all thrown out. You do this to my body and you're taking away my sensation and yes you know you're doing this because you're afraid for my baby but and think on my baby's okay but it was still a traumatic experience. No matter how much you re rationalize it your body expanded. I just thought it was so crazy that like when I would go to the doctor to talk about it like it was so insane that like the conversation terror was in Saint. There was no conversation about well. You're probably so hormonal right now. And you're going through a lot of it was just like. Oh this has nothing to do with the C section getting. Maybe you should go see a therapist. Like he was very like doctors. Just don't like shop when the baby is born. Xactly like what I'm like you cut me open and I'm I'm not the same like what's wrong with me. I would call her like six months in and I was like I'm having like really bad like stomach issues. I don't know what's going on. I'm like getting this Zany Ju- c-section she's like no but you'd probably go see a gastro and I was like okay. I went to the gastro. I went to a million doctors. And 'cause you're looking for him I'm looking for an answer and the answer is I'm I have hormonal series from what happened and It was a vicious cycle. I kept thinking about the stomach issues and I kept thinking like there's something really serious going on in my stomach. They like cut something or it wasn't healed properly and I ended up after ten months fighting myself for to get a colonoscopy because they really didn't want to at this age I ended up going and doing it Even though the doctor was like I don't think it's necessary but like let's just rule everything out when I came out there. Were like there's nothing wrong with your stomach. It's like perfect And he was like what you have is motherhood IBS and it's caused by being anxious and and a mother like a busy mom and he's like and there's you know I can give you medication to like help but like I don't think that you need it and ever since I had that colonoscopy I haven't had a stomach issue sent because you feel acknowledged like you're not crazy it was almost like a tr- like I was looking to have control over something that I didn't have control over. And then once I realized that it was spiralling from Zaidi I now. I'm aware that I'm doing this to myself so like the next time. Like a symptom comes up I spiralled for a minute and then I go back to you know understanding that this is just my mind like China. Latch onto something And I and I feel better. It's like a really it's a it's crazy. It was your process that you had young through in order to two thousand percent. You know what's interesting and tell me if I'm going too far for either one of you guys but There's something that I talk a lot about with my husband of sort of the nature of being a public figure And whether by the way for you guys listening whether that's you have one hundred followers. That's that's a lot with you have fifty dollars. That's a lot of people whether you know you have a really big following like Ariel has but But it's you can't help but feel that your entire life is about being judged either good or bad and even if it is I mean I love. My social media sites have been extremely rewarding place to share and laugh and learn. And it's absolutely amazing but there is another element of it is that we're animals. You know what I tell my husband when we go to the La Zoo that you'll see these animals that are in these cages and they're circling and they're circling and everybody's looking at them and you think is that sometimes a little bit like us that there's you just feel a little bit enclosed sometimes and it's not all the time thing but I think it is something that can breed anxiety. I may sound as much as I think. I'm a really confident like this is who I am. You know kind of person I I do feel sometimes you know like Oh God how are they gonNa think about me and you can't help right? I mean I think that while social media a has a lot of for me negative aspects but I actually like that part doesn't really bother me. It's more I like sharing with like my followers. I think that it actually almost feels like a release for me. I try not to read the DM's afterwards because I could potentially go crazy if I did But for the most part I feel like the toughest part for me with social media is and it's not even just social media. It's just life. I have a very hard time making friends very hard time making mom friends And I'm I'm looking for it. I'm like I I really don't have maybe it's because they don't have a lot of time but I don't have anyone that I can actually like go out with. I have two friends but one of them moved Miami. My best friend in the world She was my like. I mean she is still. We talk on the phone all the time. But there's something really special about like as a mother to get out of your house after you put the kids to sleep and drink and drink wine talk about but like special about fat but with your special lots couching your celebrate both have large followings like it's an maybe you guys have friends from before but like for me as a mother. I I just always feel like someone's trying to use me for something and they and I'm always disappointed in the end. So what do you become friends with someone? There's always an angle and it kills me because it makes me super guarded. I get very nervous about being out there and friendly and talking about personal things like motherhood and things that I'm anxious about because I I don't know I just feel like I've been heard a lot by by people since I've developed this following and I feel like over the last couple of months. Maybe a year that I really haven't had an outlet for myself aside from social media. Obviously which sometimes I feel weird sharing because I know people who are in my bubble that I'm not friends with just WanNa know and I don't. I don't like that part so weird. You know in so many ways so amazing. Yeah many people and you can have. I don't know but I think it makes me really shy. And Yeah Meacham I'll go there and like What are they thinking they write that you go you go to the school to drop off at school because you get you know exactly exactly how much how what do they think about me even Granola? I'm here isn't that scary? It's hurting us. In real life social media bed sitting. Yeah it's but it's but I totally hear what you're saying also because it's it's one thing it's when it's great to have the conversation that we get to have with With with social. But it's also the people that are your core inner group. That's who feeds you. That's who bills you bet. So you get to La. I mean I have sisters which is the best. I have babies so me. Neither my two sisters neither have babies. I mean what I'm so excited for when they do. I want to be an aunt. Now you understand but it's it's tough because they have been my my people my whole life and they still obviously are but for this specific thing which is something I really need. It's really hard. It's really really hard for me. Well also you want someone who It's great to have people who've known you from forever began. They they know you right but it's also in this phase of life people are just Changing nobody they're changing. But it's also that you again like I said we're all going through. We're all going through parenting. Real time everyday is something new every day. I can't even tell you the number of questions I've been getting my oldest is five. She'll be six in February and the questions I get that just Fulani like put me on my ass knowing how to other daily like went on. I got all the things. They're they're like there's always a y y rang well. My father in law passed away and she was asking about death and heaven. And will I go there? I will I be there with her. How do you answer? I mean there's a this is my. This is a perfect example. With with your friends you will have a conversation with this. Where whatever you're you're not pulling prepared to answer and you don't you're thinking about and they'll give you advice that you wanna take or that leash he'll take into account because you know they love you in through it and they threw trust you in. They're going through too and their their kids are going through something or they were there or they're coming there and I think that's what really trips me up is like. Besides my mother right like my closest friends in the world have just started having the right to the one nice and person for that I am but then I'm also don't trust me I'm literally we but But you know I do my point being. I just think that your core group of mom Brennan's absolutely is constantly developing and you asked in the beginning before she was screwball. Right before but you asked how we started numbering and it was partly because I think similarly for you. It was hard to make mom brands. It still is and it's hard for me to find my people and I think even when we first met alarm I started talking immediate. You find those people and you go deep right away like Oh yes feels good. This is like yeah. We also are different in terms of its how that also but just the circumstances that our kids are almost all the same age right. And it's really rare really. That'd be tough for literally like all exactly twins. Like Noah pregnancies are fourteen and a half months tour. Twenty twenty you guys come from big. No I have one we she does she does I want an icon. She wants twelve. I want and I say seven still keep going. I'll say I'll say this I feel like so. My youngest is almost six months. She'll be six months on Valentine's Day Baby digi And I think that personal. She's she's just a knock wood. She's like a great baby and she's just really she's feeling more you have the better like they are as babies. May I think maybe it's that or maybe the better. You are as exactly but I will say that I'm feel. I feel really content right now. I feel like I am maxed out in terms of my brain can ride all right now but I also think probably always feel like that at six months and then they get a little bit older a little bit more self sufficient and you go back into your like I want one more and this was the first time in my life last week and my son I only I only have one boy and he said he was like Mommy. When I'm older I will have baby brother and then I will get to feed him. Yes that is all you can. We have one girl three boys. That's crazy but they're actually hilarious. Come the three stooges a I just keep on trying to give Carmen assist her and I just. I don't know what I can I ask. You is a question that I feel like a lot of people want to know and I do too As moms of four I feel so guilty taking time away from my I like I obviously love my second the same way but tillers action with your first that like you had that time alone and then like when you keep adding more babies you feel. Do you feel like guilty taking so much more from Riyadh or that I ever read siblings without rivalry Sylvia so I. I haven't read that much of it but the first couple pages are really great. Couple of pages. It talks about like say you really like your husband like your view talked to him. Like your husband okay. So and then you're like I love you so much I'm going to get another one of you and then I'll have to of you and it's GonNa be fantastic. That's what they say. It feels like for the first the very that sounds horrible. I know it feels hard. My husband would be so obsessed. Obviously basically what they're saying that Ruby would feel when s mays born. This is what I have to say. I feel like one to two is really really really hard because you do feel that. And it's the first time that you have to multitask that. Extreme amount of love that you could have possibly imagined. Imagine but not really on worrying until you had a kid and now all of a sudden it's in two places once you go for a third. You already know how to do that. Multitasking of your low. And we'll get easier. And then you I mean I see your goals on instagram. They're so cute together with your sisters like you. Just it's. There's no deeper bond than that of siblings. I believe in terms of like you are blood. You're the same blood and that you grew up with sperry similar if not this says. Abra thing in the world is seeing their relation. Like I don't think there's any feeling better than that. Exactly that's worth Mike. Your little daytime dates with my oh separately off to all be only children especially for asthma. Yeah she asked a no the experience of being alone with me being alone with have to do that. That will make you feel much. I find like when I get those moments. Either it's been like a long work week and I feel like I'm cramming all my time with them into shorter when I take the time to be alone with them individually. We had this little date night and it can be. It can be twenty minutes of just like playing alone with America with my older. Especially we can do in an giang we do like actual dates and it's really fun and it special for you because you will feel you will see how complete they are. You will see how nurture they are and it will it. Will I for me mitigates? Aren't they anxiety and the fear that I have that like? They're not getting enough of me but the Y. Do exactly what I was saying. We're the counterweight is whatever. I'm taking away from you by not being only mother to you. I'm giving you an speeds with a sibling that will know. Fill you up in your ways and I do think I do come for a big family so my like my happiest memories in the world are what are you the oldest of four but my mom having she was twenty two and she has six. She's one of six so I'm kind of like my grandparents seventh and my uncles only eight years older than I am. Always in this crowd right and for me. There's nothing better than holidays. Where there's screaming and chaos and like crazy full house is the most amazing thing I think it was just. I think it's hard in the beginning. And then once the older one understand what they're getting and that relationship and they can actually interact. I think if your youngest is now starting to a little bit like so how. They're happy but I will say we have someone on the on the podcast a couple months ago Who said she thought she knew she could be a great mom. Two one S era great mom to one game two to. She thought she'd be a great mom to three and she didn't know if she could be a great mom beyond the be the mom that she wanted beyond that and and it got it really got me thinking. I think I was pregnant with Jimmy. Just had her and I It really got me thinking about like a first of all we going back to our first conversation like we all have to be the mother we want to be and that is like the double edged sword of comparing your motherhood to so many other people is on the one hand you get great advice and great ideas and you see like novel. Cool things that you could be doing but on the other. Sometimes they clouds like who do I want to be as a mother? What cut so I I do I do. I'm really excited and happy about the products. I get to take on which is why I take them up but the I understand. There are only twenty four hours in the day. Those necessarily take me away from my kids are dragged me really sad and it was killing me because I was constantly unhappy I was. I was miserable when I was at worrying. I was taking time with my kids I was. I was nervous when it was my kids wearing. I was missing opportunities at work and I had to stop and tell myself that I was stealing my own joy and that I had to acknowledge that if I was making this choice it was because something about it was making me deeply happy at my core and that that would feed my kids the best mother completely and I just like I keep repeating that mantra. Most really great piece of advice was elected until that we've ab sorry guys went on all the time but always eat it. Bears repeating is that you know 'cause I would do this thing like I dropped my kids off at school right before this and my three kids go to the cemetery. Older kids go to the same school. My little one is obviously not in school and my boys are like just flip out. I try not to do. Drop off. 'cause WE'RE GONNA take a bite to them at home and Algal drop off. I say at home and it's fine. They're like so excited. I'm there in the classroom and it's tears and yeah no my my daughter's in first grade and she's like by all about it's a boy's what but she was like that at that age right so. I think it's more of the age. So my four my three year old they. They really really had a hard time with it and what I used to do. In the passes like yeah. I don't Wanna go either but I have to go to work. I know I wish we should. We could be together all day and I will do that whole thing and Alexa. Noble told us she said. Don't do that. Said what you need to do. Is You say guess what I get to go to work today and I love my job and I'm GonNA learn all these really cool things. I'm going to talk to really cool people and then you're GonNa do all these cool things in school and you're GonNa Learn to sing and you're GonNa have snacks at all this wonderful stuff. Then we're GONNA meet at the end and you get to tell me all about what you did and I'll tell you all about what I did. I love it's so good and I have to tell you something. Mike is tell me about their day. They they used to do that. Thing of how is your day fine? Yeah I didn't do anything like that kind of thing and now they're like is it. This mommy and I visited this is kind of like through our day. We're both gonna be like collecting different stories. And then we get to share that. I love that I wanNA start doing that. My daughter says fine. Nina is good. I think some kids are born with that like just extra level of Sesto can encourage filming to absorb all the little nuggets of joy to break and it will still take a couple like it was all right. She's she's a judge. I like fank later. She's so sweet too What's your favorite thing? So on the show. We talk about our favorite things. What we're into right now. What are you into? I mean I guess my personal favorite thing right now. Is this mask that had been using? I'm so not GONNA say the name rate. I'm biologic regime. Oh yes. Vip TO MASK OKAY. So during fashion week since I get like makeup done a lot. I do this mask every single night because it rehydrated rejuvenates her skin. So that's a product that I'm loving right now For the kids. There's this I don't know who makes it but there's this car this game that we've been playing every single night where you put together the letter of the alphabet with like the actual thing and it's is it. It's it's like a puzzle is like a Melissa and Doug Puzzle. We have two pieces of jelly beans. Yes I had loved every nice every night before bed even though as has no clue what we're doing that she still participates spun. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Thanks guys that was Ariel China's You know what I I loved what you were talking about before this episode Daphne. I love that you were talking about. How you know the reason that we started this podcast was just bring a ton of different ideas and one of the things that really struck me in? This particular episode is that we don't have it all figured out and I think that that's one of the things as we're looking at other people's social meteorology office. Prison has it altogether and I feel like I don't and I think when we really get these raw moments of sort of showing this is our path and this is our struggle and I don't know yet where that's going to land not like A. Let me tell you how to fix this this and this because obviously we all have things that we get and stuff that we're still kind of searching for him And so I. I love that this is really an example of the realness of what it's like to be human but also to be a mother. I do think before became apparent I was pregnant with Philomena and my dad had said to me that that stress was most dangerous thing for a parent. And I think I mean you even just listening to Arrows Story. About about motherhood onset. Ibs like that is not something that I've ever heard talked about before and I really believe it to be so so such an accurate reflection of how your gut and the health of your of your determines your mood. And how that there's a whole feedback loop I I think really You know the. The stress component is one of the things we can control In terms of letting your mind run away with you and letting your feedback loop feed feed you the wrong things I thought it was really wonderful that she shared from that experience and powerful and empowering to know that like you you're not alone in that experience be I think that you said it best like your trauma is not someone else's trauma so many people have experienced things that are way beyond what you've experienced or way less than you've experienced. It affects them differently. And I think You know I think we I I do think we have to be gentler and more patient with each other with ourselves And now it's time for our favorite things have favorite sags so my favorite thing. Today is a hairbrush That I love to blow my hair out with it's called a Beatha. Ap's I'm sorry away and it is made in Spain Brita hairbrush And you can brush your hair Beatha. I think he's just like well. You can do. It is just that if you were to use a hairbrush and it'd be amongst all the partying and everything else that you would use. Nobody's really great. A lot of Hair pros the best. This is the brush that they use. it's a round brush And I love it for my for my blow us because he won't blow. It's really hard and I am so proud of myself that I have learned over the years how to blow up my hair But I it's you need to have the right tools and so it's a little bit of a pricier brush. I think it it. Ranges depending on the brush between like twenty and fifty bucks Which is an expensive hairbrush but it lasts a really long time and it will just give you a nicer blowout. I am finding so that is my suggestion. I love that I think There's this new book that I got By an author Jill. Stam called bright from the start. The simple science backed way to nurture your child's developing mind from birth to age three. So I got I pick this book up and I'm only two chapters into it. It's written by. This of Gel is like an amazing researcher. In the field of child early childhood development. She comes at it from part of what I love about it. She comes at it from the perspective of both a researcher with real science based evidence but also as a mother of two daughters one of whom was born extremely prematurely in the seventies so it was it was a miracle that she survived and obviously as a result of her birth experience. She had major learning disabilities. Along the way and Jill by virtue of her training but also just her like insane dedication. Mother brought her so far along and then she has another daughter right. You know a couple of years later Who is you know? Bless you another daughter a couple of years later. Who didn't you didn't have the same challenges and in energy. So she she shows and she talks about the ways that Early Childhood brain can be stimulated in the best possible and answers these questions of like. Should you be piping in classical music while you're while you're feeding them at neo from six months on and and you know can you do things to boost their? I Q what does sign language actually do but but those are also like the top line things way more. Interestingly to me she talks about the she calls. Abc's attention bonding and communication. And those are the three things in her mind in her research. That are actually the most effective. Strategy is not only for bonding with your baby but also for ensuring that they develop not only hitting their milestones and doing all these important things but but that they develop into the best functioning humans they possibly can be and I think it's so powerful because I think a lot of us in this danger distracted and we get lots of advice and sometimes confounding advice from different places about like how to stimulate your baby properly and how to connect with them and how to talk to them and how to like help them and heard by size found because she's apparent. I is just so practical for people who really just want to make sure their babies are are copying anyway founded like a railing beatable resource really tons of green permission. Anyway figuring out all right guys. Thank you for listening. Don't forget to rate for subscribe. Let's go play around for the email. I thought an instrument email mom brain prodigy no dot com. Thanks guys next week. This is membrane with alario. Baldwin and Jaffna's mom brain is a gallery media group original production.