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Alchemists help Joey ...


iheartradio and the US Census Bureau wanted to do something special for the class of twenty twenty, so we made commencement a new podcast with boards of inspiration from the biggest names like Palsy. While we can be sold a lot of things, we will never buy a dream cash. Becky G and pit bull generational change. The world listen to iheartradio's new podcast commencement in partnership with Twenty Twenty census speeches available now on. On iheartradio APP or wherever you get your podcasts, remember you can do something that will affect the next ten years so if you lived in a dorm, don't worry. Your school will count you if you didn't visit twenty. Two Thousand Census Dot Gov to be counted. Do you know what it feels like to change a diaper while wearing one? Does your sweaty face twitch when someone says you've got the pregnancy glow. Hi It's Katie Lowes, fellow Mama and host of Katie's crib a podcast where we have open and honest conversations about what it's really like to be a parent. This season we've got power house gas like America Ferrera and Gabrielle Union it's real. MOM's real talk real tired. New episodes release every other. Thursday listen to Katie's crib on the iheartradio, APP, apple podcasts or wherever you podcasts. Welcome back to another episode of odd me. This I'm your host. Kevin August that Kevin Na. No I'm not completely over the zoom experienced. Thanks for asking, but I digress. Let's meet our alchemists. Shall we no particular order? Please say hello to Christopher. Hello Hello Mr Chris. What are you doing these days for exercise? Good question so I do my own personal workouts just about every day. I'm using dumbbells and body weights. I, do chest upper two times a week, and and my lower by two times a week, but then I've been going on three mile hikes, girlfriend and every time we see a bench or curb or We. We're those freaks. The now that like do like the street workouts will step up on a high planter, and like do our legs and stuff like that. You know what I mean I know this. And then yesterday I took my shirt off because it was such a beautiful day I don't have a great body. I just wanted a little sun. Okay, and then there was a little girl on a bike. No and her mom said come on, come on, come this way. Come this way. And the girl was shot and she went look. That man doesn't have a shirt on. Scarves layers. Scarred for life and I said I'll put it back on in the moms like it's okay, but the damage had been done. Please tell me that's already on your resume founder skills. What's the skill? Scaring little girls by taking your shirt off. I'll add that to actors access before. Bring you into Mr Spielberg. It says here on your resume that you can scare little girls by taking your shirt office, I mean to show you what I'm working with low three nipples okay. Shut your trap. It's Craig, Caskey. Count what's been the surprising bonus for you during the self quarantine. SURPRISING BONUS That everybody's talking about gaining weight. I've been losing weight like a Mojo Yeah, that's good. It seems like that's true all around in our crew because we've been rationing food. Very small portions we'd been eating very small portions and I think it also indicates that when I'm out and about I, e a fucking lot and I eat three courses and not great food and I'm eating healthy food, and without really making an effort losing weight. He. Turns out. Exercise is great for the the physical body. But in terms of weight, actual weight loss, it's all about portion control and stop eating after like seven at night. If you WANNA, get to now I know. It's all in the kitchen. It's only WANNA get cut. It turns out. It's on the kitchen. Saying I never heard that. How is that not a poster? Smart man that's. Floating. I have a workout because I wasn't knives are. Is that the point exactly now? I'm talking about the corn. The corn it's James any Jimmy John John Thune? Do you have a suggestion for what might replace the handshake in our new normal encounters. I just think that I contact and genuine joy to see a person will show on your face. You don't need to touch someone. In fact. I've never felt comfortable with obliged to touch and be touched I've noticed that when we've hugged in the past. Well, yeah. I try not to let people notice, but it's always just like. Yeah. It's so so clear. But thank you for. Making that the new mandate thank you. And last, but may you're nuts? Be Gathered and stored for covid twenty. If you think him lease it's Joey career? Jo Jo Jo. How was your Easter? So Chill Iro's. Everything like clockwork, so we're good. He's going to me born again to long from now and then rapidly. And then we'll do the whole thing again. We'll do the whole rigmarole. We'll do the Ho- Kelham again. Even need the Jews again. Like last They'll make it personal like that. Okay, don't do this. Race you know what happened, we. What have we move on? No, I've clearly moved on. Art Let's do a damn show. Almost all of our seen suggestions are gathered from our patient VIP's. The. are from your listener emails, and can I just say that last night? I put up perhaps one of the funniest sketches we've ever done as a short in patriot. I almost felt guilty. As why is just going to the Patriots, it's so good. It's. Shouldn't say it just making people jealous. There's really funny short that I put up last night to our patriotic. What can you tell us anything about the short? Can you tease it insisting your review? Is that so positive? Well, it's it's a real life well. It's so similar of a description two things that we've done, but it's us as the ha-has Improv team and we really Kinda. We kinda spear you, Kevin, we are really great, we spear you so hard in it, but he's laughing so hard. It was it was embarrassing to be laughing. Loud at night in my apartment was this. This take place backstage at the live show. No? No, no, this was. This was like we recorded this. It's my fault. I'm sorry this was a something. It was supposed to be heard. This was this was. Record Craig is horrified. This Hour Harangue of pollock like it's it's. It's nasty, I think the Patriot members have been craving three hour. pollock harangue so I think this is going to be just peachy. I won't listen to it so. You were laughing harder than any of us in the episode so I think you found it funny to it was it was painfully funny when we recorded it. Okay so funny in fact I, don't remember it. all right see number one comes to us from Patriot alka maniac. Will. I believe he's a new ALKA MANIAC. Bless, you will, thanks, will. He wrote for everyone dear alchemist. This is William Morris No, not that William Morris. The one from upstate Saint Louis. This is my second time writing into your podcast. I suggested the mad scientist yard sales sketch, which may have been your first flop. I remember that one. That was hilarious. Their loved that one tunnel. But at least it ended with Chris explained exclaiming. What the fuck are we doing? To this day. My favorite line. Joey you, my man are the bees tits. Nothing simply nothing beats joey monologue. Yeah, yeah, we. We love bearing witness to that two superfund. We've tried to beat them, but they just won't be beaten down I. Think we've tried to stop them that. fucking owl bone Prophecy Guy Louisiana lawyer. Judge Anytime Joey. Is Sick or dying I cannot get an. I decree, underlying allegiance in the cult of the great greer Lord. Joey blessed us with your ramblings. Join us with your guttural sounds. anyways. Here's my scene. Suggestion James Look away now. That's what they ride in the Patriot and page because James and I are the only two to read them. He taking photos cruise Oh, that was the top of my head. You WanNa. Take on what I'm looking to. Top of my head, my least favorite. Joey looked James Ebb Jesse James at Wayne Yup. The alchemists help joey deal with a multiple personality disorder. Thank you so much. Please keep it up. The world needs laughter more than anything right now, thank you. ALKA MANIAC will. Morris. Listen Joe is going to be here in? Let's seven minutes. You guys and Yeah, but what? Joey is going to be here in certain, it's all right. We'll do you WANNA pick your favorites before he gets her third y'all Wanna I wanNA order now. Do you want to wait till the WETA? I think we're good to go guys guys. He thinks he's the waitress you want. You Want WanNa wait. We'll wait. Thanks, Hon, are you shared? So you know what we should do is we should in order really quick, and then it'll buy us some time. What I'll come back, let's come back. It's fine. Oh Yeah, she will come back. He's really committing these characters wiser wearing short skirt. Why will he wear short skirt? So easily is my question. but this is an intervention of sorts. Look I, don't. I don't think this is a problem. I mean especially. Well there you. There seems to be five here six years multiple bar this. Works six. There's no. Four of us here. What do you need the chair for Sir I need the chair for for a friend of mine. Is that friend can be coming soon. They should I. Mean you're here alone is well. Why are you antagonizing? Joey he's just. Like. We know his name. Name Brandon. Brandon, sorry brandon. Is it a lady Gal. That's maintenance in your business. Listening Gay. Why is he still wearing short skirt? I, don't know just go with it because I feel like if we if we call it out, it's fuck his. Bring up. You know what forget it. Relatively lame for a joey care. Sure you can. Only see. All right thanks sir. By the way so far, I see a trend. He came the waitress left without taking the order came as the stranger wanting a chair left without taking the chair. I think we build this into the conversation with him that he's not committing right and if he's not committing. Maybe it's not all there. Maybe he can come back to being Kevin. I think you should be careful what you wish for. There are some things that we don't want him to commit to. Yeah and don't make me name two and three. Thirty fast. There are some things that I am grateful that Joey doesn't commit to just the third thing you're grateful. Well. Okay for third thing I would say it's slurping bodily fluids and I I've never seen him actually do it. If he committed to it, it wouldn't make it better. I have to say that. Eighty percent of my week is taken up with interventions for fellow cast members like it's getting out of hand. CRAG. We were going to have an intervention for you or. For interventions but? You'd like it. That's too Meta. I appreciate the interventions, but I feel like now I'm pretty much one hundred percent. All my problems. I'm note. Okay. You brought hashbrowns to a restaurant. I mean yeah, but. They don't. ICU. Day. You brush food. Restaurant, so you have tougher bag of. Cook Food Birkenau sure that, so we can't get we just get. Oh, this is these are medical. Great Hash Brown so I have to have them. It's like insulin for some people, but for me this is. USA Metal Gresh. Disease if you don't mind me prior to quickly medical history. Come on Joey. What are you doing? Don't touch me. Touch me alright. I will touch, touch me. Crack Oh. Shit I! WanNa, shake this out of. Joey it's us it's. Not a character! I really. Hit them, hard. Earned? Who? Hurt of crack. Personalities do you have? Where's the Real Joey? L. Never tell you. What accident is that? In Christ compel you. Can get you eat assembler. Whereas Joey I want to talk to Joey Hey have to give me. Okay Okay Joey. I'll give you a secret. Just it gives you the secret you bring out Joe. Okay. Sometimes when I'm alone. I. Take Out my. toenail clippers and use them on my finger now. Is that this really a secret secret? That other than you more now. We all do yeah. Okay. No one knows that Sir that's your secret. Tell him a secret that we can't hear I. Don't know if accounts that way okay Joe Joey. Or whatever your name anyone else want to give a secret. This guy secret sauce. Really he didn't what I want. skews me of me here. Hi. Jonathan with the William Morris Agency. Oh, I couldn't help but. To those owing. Is Wow impressive work, really impressive, listen familiar with the festival cold, just for giggles I actually am I. Think I'm one of the founding members happy to jump in though I haven't done in a while these a compulsive liar to. Talk. There's just for laughs in Montreal. This is just for giggles. Rashes in Kalamazoo Michigan I see what's going on here. Listen I'm going to. I'm going to step like we be my business card could. I could give you if you're. You're James Heaney you're. The Real James Eating. That's the one Oh. Huge Fan loved the briefs. Wait wait, wait hold on. I mean I have a cartoon. Here. I gave him my card. Ears for a child's birthday. An inside it's A. Big Fan Big Fan. Thanks Buddy I'm I have representation I'm good, okay, and you Sir I. Don't recognize you or you. Just passer-by! Oh, that makes sense that makes it. About great engine. Thinking about getting his does. Gestures about how I would do that well now we're doing casting. It's different. It's a different time unless you have witnessed. Where did CRISCO. I. Don't know where CRISCO that's weird. Oh Man Joey. Sir Sir Have a real I can do. I can do it right now. He wants to Mac real. I really enjoyed. It tracks when you said that you were the CO founder of the just for giggles festival. Las. The. Chris name Sir in the script. Chris. Are you in the bathroom Chris? What's up. Chris. There's an Asian out there. Everybody's getting. You gotta get out of. Talked to Joe Yeah. He's really impressed with Joey Augmon. I got. Better man. In the bathroom. I'm done now. I'm staying there. Man. I need to use it. Why do you? Stay in there. James James Jason Fellas. Henao I need a hint towel. All right. Now this the towel to clean hands. It's drier Hanser. Hints! Let's see here I'm GonNa? Use the rest real quick bathroom, they buddy. You. Come in here with me right now. I gotta use the Best I. Think he's talking to you. I'm not talking to you. Buddy come on. I later, James. Okay. I miss. Nothing's happening. Nothing fucking agents! is about to sign my ass. Wow, actually I just lost my representation recently because of this whole situation. That's funny. That's funny What am I GONNA do a couple of characters for you? If you like I, think I'm okay I think Oh. Let's see. Hold on a second, please I am an Asian with ca and I too would like to see your talents. You're you're what I'm an Asian with? CA The Chinese Athletic Association? That's the one okay I'm not that athletic, but I do to do squats out on the outside to do okay Well no I appreciate the offer, I'm just not looking for representation in the athletic field I am however looking. How long have you go in the bathroom? I was just going in here to get a friend I didn't need to go to the bathroom. To. Go in the bathroom along. Don Pretty much a whole life. Oh you mean how long in my life and using the bathroom. I thought you meant like how long I've been in here. Like I mean I just walked in here before you did. Oh, was using the bathroom since I was probably. I, don't remember three I assume whatever the appropriate age learn bathroom way you. You'd let bows out only when you were three. Before I wasn't using a special room designated for at this is inappropriate, Honestly Dome I. Don't know what you're trying to get out I'm trying to go to the bathroom and. I'm going to all right. I don't want to hold your hand Sir I. Don't think it's helpful. For me either if you don't hold it right ninety pressure points on the inside of my poems right I can't go do that. I have a very tight spink. Now now. Know what that's like right? Okay I, live every day. Okay. So where is it that I got a press? Your hand no Craig Caskey. What can I do to get you to headline just for giggles this year? I mean I have a standard ask. Okay okay okay. That sounds very standard. Joey now you're Joe. Don't. fucking do this Debbie okay. GET OUTTA my face man. Look I'm going to get this deal and Ford deal, you'd like it or not okay I picked. My standard ask is a first class. Plates trip twenty thousand and. Three nights at a five-star hotel. Okay. Double. Double Great. So you want. You want. Forty thousand dollars cash six, ninety six at ten throat. Yes? Yes. Yes and I won't do that so. You can suck my ass because I'm no Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun. Dun. Yeah again. Thanks for coming in today. I just have a couple of questions out your examination. have been asking. A greater than average number of people to suck your ask because I'm seeing some marks here that don't otherwise make sense. But it is true that you ask a lot of people to suck your. Touch! I need help with such. Okay. and. When did you first notice it I? When I first foul Moods Ma. Okay, so I'm GonNa try to I'm going to try to insert something and you tell me when you feel. Okay, this first item is very. Guest. OKAY HERE WE GO! Did you do. I did. Feel. Quail Egg. All right. Let me try another item here. You taking anything out or you just leave it in there pushing. Well if you don't feel the difference. or Take the Quail League out. And now I'm going to put in a new item we go. And feel. I, it's in there either under Dr. I'm the what the fuck is going on. Out of here, let's get the hell out of here holy. No note. Let me come on, walks me out man, let me get out of your home. Huish Shit we almost got cotton. Almost. Man Holy Shit. It was at a two before made up. Do you baby I WANNA kiss this? Damn well now the whole game is ruined I. Know Was Common God. Damn it! And that is seen one. Mother macree. Very very real. Favor I lost myself. That is my standard. Ask by the way for anybody. Listening. It's also Joey's attend star hotel six hundred tenths. An it career at ddat means owning the opportunity to play a crucial role in transforming how agencies operate join DDAT for challenging and impactful work that advances your career apply now at. Dot Com slash careers. Opportunities leave Barron after all you've been through the class of twenty twenty deserves a proper sendoff, which is why Iheartradio and Doritos brings you commencement the podcast, featuring speeches and dedications from icons. We admire most here from Halsey. Little Kids. We've shown the world while we can be sold a lot of things. We will never buy a dream and pit bull. You guys are generations standup. You guys generation make a difference, you guys. Generation will change the world techy G, John Legend Kesse Angie, Martinez, Khalid and many many more all have something to say to you the amazing class of twenty twenty so. So choose firm. Choose willfully and choose confidently. Listen to iheartradio new podcast commencement now on the iheartradio, APP or wherever you get podcasts with a special Doritos Valedictorian episode, where doritos takes graduation speeches to another level by naming five Alec Taurean giving them each fifty thousand dollars in tuition assistance and sharing their speeches with the world. You are the ones that's GonNa make a difference. To come, from The initials C Charlie M. as in Mary Siham who wrote as the world collapses into turmoil, countries chose one person to live in a bunker. It's orientation day. Thanks the Dandy Dude from Dallas see 'em. All, right? We just need to I think we need Germany and. Bane looks like. the last two entries into the bunker. As. Anyone have any progress reports on Germany. I don't know. Is. Are you the. You the Chosen One. No maybe. Okay? I see a little coquettish. Do very very well in the bunker. I Apologize I am running late. Are you the gentleman from Spain we're waiting on. Yes, I am. The bunker my name is James. That's what I have here. J apostrophe Ames. Yes. Or let cheese Komo. Chains Almost us, that's jonker thesis, the bunker jams and the gentleman from Germany the chosen. Her name scorned. You got that high. School likened. SEEMS TO BE METAMORPHOSIS ICING. It's an unusually short and fat. What's the first letter in that blue? I cannot say that. You can't pay. Maybe we'll call up I'll call ups. State. Shortages, glue size and. What you call me. It, doesn't. Go into car. Is He From? Look to the bunker maze where you're from them. Are you talking to me. Possibly your. Day You might be able to tell from my point. I would have guessed been no, maybe like a pirate some gun. Maybe a Spanish pirate. Are you a Spanish pirate? No, but. Do you know. Why do you suppose why you were chosen? I believe it was a lottery. A lottery yes, I believe lottery. We were all chosen for different reasons. What about you? Sir from Germany was yeah. Do you know why you were chosen I do? CATA share. Best T- cler. Teacher? I'd like to be tickle, so please do not tickle me I. Don't think he was going to tickle your mate. He's a teacher. I'm sorry. What's the difference I make? I Make T. Lie Mistake Teacher. What about you? What are you from? ME. nope. Talk intimate was already here. All I'm yourself from Poland. Poland grand. Do you know what you were chosen? We're just going around the bend here. It probably because I am a scientist. Say. There's a reason this bloke over here. What was IT T- cler? German. Crowd sauce was chosen for tickling. The Spanish pirate I thought looting perhaps, but no, he says the lottery. But about you may. I built the bunker. American How long did it take to build a bunker man? three and a half weeks. We Union people on the job. Great Papal those two and a half weeks, Munya, three and a half weeks, yeah! So like a week and Where the ladies! Oh. Real Sausage Party in here. It's real sausage potty I was expecting it to be close to fifty. Better, say a so. System? With the ME. And what is your name? And your urology. Talamante only. Yes, it's a very common Italian. I have a little I have. I Have A. I have a nice back. Look. Look at what I do if I put. Together and Arava Manhattan said Look. Looking at gold coins. Coins. Simpler. Is that where you were chosen there. I was a Chil-. Sausage! So. Jolson for your ability to make. The Not let. ME And did you bring your sausage with you? Sorry to interrupt. Sorry, this is this is important. So as you can tell, you've all been chosen selected yes! That's good news. There, there will be one woman entering the bunker now. Our job. Her job here is to find who she thinks is best mate. And Begin A. procreate with that person. This is like a bachelorette episode. And basically these sounds like a very good. Odds for me. Yes, but but the but the stakes are much much higher what you mean by that. HOW HIGH THE STAKES! Then what? What do you mean? What do I mean it's? How We? Okay then I'll answer. I guess it was clear to meet. The only rule. Of Dancing to. DANCE, data Germany, once you put a and let them explain. I can. Doesn't must be outrageous Bunga. Be Only. No No, no, we had union men builders for three and a half weeks. There ain't getting out of here enough time enough time. Actually style. Snow Fictions. Gentlemen. Introduce Mit. One! Well. Hello, Wanda. Hi! This is really. took. What? Twins with the same name. No, no, no, no, no, no I'm. Just sound like a woman. That's is. The problem. Has A. Well. I figured it was OK to bring my brother log. There's no way this would be the connection. Obviously, so he's not getting any mail out, so if you're. A pro you mean. You want to start the human race stuff island. In this. Say I want to try start at like the royal family. Whoever gets whoever's you know what I mean? All, right, let's this up. We're about to get the one rule. I would like the rules explained to me as well. I'm glad to hear. Attempts thing I can't. I'm not allowed to. A strange beat if I moved. Away. My needs be displaced in our and. Two. Of You. Will line up single file. A few moments alone. On long the sub a few moments with one. Tell her. Why you might make a good partner for her, and at the end you will select who she will start to the new human race with. By presenting roles to that person. This is a bachelorette episode. We have flowers. They're not roses or not ripping off the Bachelor Bachelorette. Flowers, yeah, we just happened to have carnations available. What is this a camera crew doing? They are documenting. This is the beginning of the new humanity. Hey, how you doing. On your handler, so I'm going to be taken care of you, ok. Scientists Guy. But, yes. From Poland, whatever look I'm going to be working with you. Let's give some emotions in here all right. Let's make it hot. We really want this to be. Are You coaching me what? What is this? Oh. All, right, so let's look I thought I signed up for an experiment in not a reality show. One would say the same thing now, so let's let's just say all right that I'm heard, what would you say? One day Muir Siamese. Scientists from Poland I'm here to name your the. Your, so let's let's let's fin on. People like Philip. Philip. Yeah let's say you're highlights. This not my name, not my job. Okay, so you're a pilot all right? Let's say you're twenty two. Okay hello warmed I and twenty two year old pilot from Poland. My name is Philip. you'd look very hot. Is that what you want? Great Liberal motion? Ya. This is the most emotional a Polish person, can possibly them? We're fucked fill. You understand that if you picked it helps me my job I get a little raise if that happens. Hi, there. Hi Spanish, Guy! Hi I'm your handler here? listen? It's it's important to me that you get one. You know what I mean. That makes sense I want to get one. That is well good. Good. Good good, so you're from Spain. Of course. You can pull me James instead of Spanish guy. James is a terrible name. Anything around the root word. James is very unsexy Try TRY Philip. Can you say Philip Philippe? My name is. Okay okay, and what do you do for a living? Between you and I was a pirate. Out there. Okay! HOW ABOUT WE SWITCH PIRATE TO PILOT? That sounds very similar. Okay, okay so I'm Wanda. Great, and now let's just cover your age. Hell the. forty-three years. No no no. Don't say that ever again. You're twenty to one. Okay twisted you if. It helps me okay. Thank I can't do this. I don't. Know what to do this? Eight Wilson I'm your pirate. Tour. She's dining pirates. Code you. All this door by. Everybody at the. Pirates? Pirate. Irish. You've got to call produced. Fire it? Mistake everyone handler no. I don't. The pirates. You might have gotten one of the worst handlers, but obviously got the worst cast got. Lady and gentlemen the time has come. To make her decision. Of Not, all of us have had our time with her though. I haven't got June. One. Field, I find it. I'm sorry I. Can I have a moment with the producers of the show or Whatever you also a pilot I'm also a pilot who is twenty two years old. Irish sir. I'm very emotional. I can fly planes man. I'm twenty one. We'll see. Here's the problem is I I don't like pilots. My father was a pilot and he was never around. Fishing! Can also run efficient book. That's interesting. You didn't tell me that during our moment that we had together, but it was so cut so short. Short what about me? I'm your brother I mean. I honestly I don't think. For the human race you're a pilot. Follow data's footsteps. I think that I've really been trying to get away from that anything except pilot. Okay, okay, this is sick. This honestly sick. With my brother! That what I was saying? Keep options alternation. Wanda could you, could you tell us something about yourself? Other than being the only woman down here because I'm ready to turn. Well I grew up in the Midwest to. Turn. I'd like to talk to fellow commercial break. Okay, great guys! Let's take a stake of ten and. Going out live. This is GonNa live is. The sooner we get to leave you don't get the ten minutes for in a bunker. Posted the Helsinki out there. You think you want to leave. The ten minutes. Commercials. Commercial this commercials. WHO's. Out there WHO's watching this? When we come back, everybody should know when we come back and we'll be the dance off. There will be the big group debt. I would you points? Kind of. This this is my head. Please please kill me somebody. Pleased I don't care. How and we're back in. Five won't finish that Goodman County through. Pete. Awed you have. Out there in this health each week, call Earth No God. There's no. Play a little song for everybody today God now pleased. Over those papers they signed. Days moved one to. Speed. Talking Just. Talked Phillip. Do you mean James Building, up. Philip Pirate. He's in his twenty. Eight leave me. That's most definitely. Talk to fill twenty pilots. Is that you okay? I don't know what else to say. I have been told that I am. I Am am twenty two and I am a pilot man I'm not your fucking handling okay. Excuse me is their problem. I'm not talking to. You're talking to me. I'm trying to find my guy. He was looking for Philip, and as we have discussed, this is. Looking for me. Blue Sky! I'm feelin. Wonder! Have you made your decision? It's it. Let's see. We're going to commercial. Commercial Create Okay we got ten until we're back to just take your time relaxing at ten minutes back and then GonNa. Make that final call, okay. Well you really stretching out the drama of this. There's nothing else going on there okay buddy. Okay, my Russian friend, there's nothing else. Polish. Please keep away from the craft service plays. That's very WANNA only as for Wanda. Only it's like a huge spread. She can possibly all these food. This a lobster look bad very soon. There's Perogie here. I mean this has to be for me. Listen. Wonder has had a few before. She came in here and that was staying at A. Hotel, for six nights and is large spread. This is Chris. dickey Lewis ask. Your production company know about the disaster. We made a disaster. A nude. Hollywood Hollywood. Crazy! Crazy! And we're back in fact. Injured! Ladies and gentlemen wonder has made her decision. We'll all be men from all the countries. Please lineup one will be handed the carnation. German Manson, Meka displaced, and he seems to have passed from pain. Is anyone else care? No one cares okay. said it went to pick the man I wasn't going to pick the chairman man. I would say that the number one probably the Irishman. But, is it too late for me to just go back to the health scape and deal with? Whatever turmoil might come out and pass this carnation to another woman to decide. No, you do have that choice. You can walk out that door, right? That's an option for real for her for her. Maybe you and I can just get out of here together because I don't think I want to be in this bunker, also, of course, you're not limited to the five countries that have been heavily features there. There's somebody there's from every country around. One hundred and seventy fellas in here. Who Have you talked to Chad from Chad I have not good minds poking. Good I also. Doing my she didn't want to be one of. Out. Lists more. He? This is annoying. This. Is A RISA blige. Does that another guy. Looks easy seats of answerable, Australia? The Eighty. Hundred Austrailia get more than one I don't understand. Hard, pass on this. I think this is two. Of Us. I can't choose what if you, it's not because you were all so good, though it's because I just can't picture my life in this bunker on the next bunker, bachelorette will wander. Choose the Mana for life. Will the man from Germany ever wake us? We'll chat. Ever find them back. To the Irishman Burke get over the fact because there's no tour with. The Italian Guy! SHARE SAUSAGE! The Australians fighting. The Americans ever stopped looking at. The. Book thing and will the French guy ever stop getting the coffee? Argentina? Them steak, rule the with the gentleman from Mexico ever just like improvising. scripting. Can you please? Man. Next time on the bunker bachelorette. DADS that seem to seem to in the bunker. Though, we're apart these days sharing one so at Geiko, we'd like to say thanks. Thanks for sharing your savage dance moves. Thanks for sharing your diy. Haircut fails. Thanks for sharing your inner lip sync star. Now it's our turn to share with the GEICO give back the fifteen percent credit on car and motorcycle policies for current and new customers, because we're committed for the long haul, the fifteen percent credit last year, full policy term visit GEICO DOT com slash, give back for more INFO eligibility. It's one thousand, nine, hundred four, Michael Jordan is the most famous person. In the world. He's reached the pinnacle of his career as one of the best basketball players to ever the game. Now, what does he do? He leaves the sport altogether to try his hand baseball. Then something funny happened Jordan Young Baseball. Career gets cut short when Major League baseball goes on one of the longest strikes in its history. and Michael Jordan goes back to basketball. The story could stop here, but as we all know it doesn't. Jordan goes on to win another three championships in kickstarts, economists call the Jordan effect generating billions in revenue and re-energizing struggling NBA. I'm Sean as well and I want you to check out the new show presented by ozzy flashback and find out how some of the best laid plans can go horribly wrong or prove unexpectedly magnficent. Listen to flashback on the iheartradio APP apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. C. Three was brought to us by Patriot VIP Erin who's the Fella and leaves all those hilarious phone messages on our hotline that very few other people have other ever ever used. Thank you for that? And they always ends those calls with okay. Call me back member. So Aaron wrote. A James. You're the best now. quit looking at this Geez. How about one of you guys was cast as Harry Potter? In the film! But showed up to set without H- having. Read the script. Okay, call me back by. So many was like that I. Remember when I came up whom it wasn't anything bigger than I thought well. If I'M GONNA, do theater issoire based on I loved. And then from the old vic, the old vic was too tiny for you so. Far More on a half to get on a big screen. Would fairly. My mind led to film. See Video so pretty much. The the act of this playing Harry Potter No, no you. Hasn't come out of his trillion you know. An Ace again. Do we call them, Harry. To his face me, too. fucking night. was. The Donna. Culture! I didn't get a Koshi, my Yuka. To your. Co Sheet. Don't do makeup and wardrobe already to anyone. Go in and get it done. Law Allowed Sufa. I mean Pe- I took me in there by by name. He said ride ready for we went in. Yeah what am site counseling. Nine nine. Can we know fucking do this every morning, you? Tell you everyone you coming east. Worse Dr Michael. We got to say they actually leave. How'd you? How'd you job? Did, you blow someone? Did you blow Kevin's I? I was just looking at goose accelerate. Cherry picking that's how. Yeah. You'd get fucking Jerry pick. Your piece. cellist might and you need to get a factor? Either, I needed of. Harry Potter all. Are I will I'm GONNA. Knock on his tray. It we got. Now, I can't believe folks spoke. Do on his trailer never seen such a thing. Who is it? yeah, it's reg. A. Movie with you and I just wanted to stop buying myself say hello. FUCKING ME! Thanks. You not going to like him. anyways. very excited to work with you on You know just WanNa start in the morning on the right foot or a good day then. American. Now. You sound American Yeah! Maybe it's because I've is Brad Pitt. was that. Brad Pitt. This game. Are you Please leave my trailer go. This is fun. Oh! I'm. Sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry. Redskins away from the doormat you inside. Rich, please off the handle ridge. You're not in this movie. Sydney where you've, don't you? You inside? Fantastic I have gk rallying with Mitchell. Also come inside and discuss some of the character Joseph's. Thank you? Don't open the door streaky relevance outside with me. Please open the door. Hi It's Joe Rowling to to just want to talk over a few things for the first day. No. Thank you don't believe. Don't you have to open the doors? Okay. She says this is. Saying through the door then. Mrs. Rally, that's not too much, ask. Well as you know, we were shooting scene forty-two today, which is some? Brearley it somewhat in the middle of the script, but. Know, Harry of course. reveals a secret in this, and I just wanted to to make sure because it's something setting up for a future movie that you know that that we're on the same page as far as what that secret is going to be okay right right right right right how `bout? He. He he's. He's a bad guy. After all, no I'm not asking you to brainstorm. You've read. You've read the script and and Ryan. Copy of the new book that I sent you. You know so I, think we all. We know where it's heading i. think which just totally show of how to play the scenes. WH, what about if we keep that? Pau a secret? What it is going to be kept a secret. Right great have a great day, but you. The actors still need to know. Right, the crash coming from of course I'm pooping now. Okay well. Take it locally, so thank you. Simon, Shaw coming down to the sat with this in everything. We really do appreciate you. Approach. Were you talking to me Yes yes. Well. Yes, I wrote the fucking thing so yes. I know. Again I appreciate you coming down here and see. What you calling me Miss Simmons. I'm so. You could use with J. K. Simmons. came. My friends call me Joe. Simmons of course, a great American actor from whiplash. The Spiderman Watch the difference. Well. We both have the initials J.. Last night you do those. Home State with this insurance commercial, not nope again. That's J. K. Simmons territory I really can't. I'm thinking of. All right thanks very much again for coming in. We're just GONNA lay down a couple of voice tracks to see if it's a match for what the directors looking for again. You're reading the part of Peter Parker. Who is Superhero alias? Is Spiderman. Now keep in mind. We're doing things a little different on this one spiderman. Is Jewish so when you read it? Be Great if you could just have that on your mind, cy. In terms of how to visualize Spiderman. So, we'll take it from page three whenever you want to jump in. Oh God foreskin. Let's cut the I'm sorry. Can I stop you. It's okay. Listen. Script took sixteen months to right, so if you WANNA just work from this croquet that feeling the need to improvise, right, be wonder if. I'm happy to start up. Your happy to okay, so start on page three. Whenever you're ready, thank you. Oh Man. If, you wouldn't mind stating your name I. It's GonNa go to the director so. I'm happy. I'm happy to for. Whenever! You're ready. Oh Man, four skews. I could just stop you right there. Who's your engine again? I I, I'm I'm working with CA. A William, Morris and My agents name is. Chris Arado. Really more see William. Endeavor. Okay. I think we a- think we got what we need is so much. Thank you and hope see. Glen can you send in the next actor replace? The next actor police. WHO I. The only one waiting out here. Maybe maybe I could go in I. I've been waiting for hours. I think the next guy. Glenn because only one out there all right Glenn. Can you come in? You Yeah. I've been. Here hold on a second I'm Glen. What is what do we doing over to walk? Sorry. There's one guy out there waiting as I was sending that guy. Okay, you want me to send are gonNA. Cinnamon. Aren't you guys? They got the. Sign in sheet here at one name left in the signing sheet. You want that the clipboard. On. Okay. Want! Me To send. Chuck in Yemen. He works with us. Can you buzz me in? The loss. jocks not on the list, but chuck has the list. List right here. Can you mean. Okay. Chuck in Glen Lesbian. or Buzzing Tony in and then Tony's GonNa Buzz Chuck in. Come on. ME. Okay I'm in now there's nobody here. Hello. Hello! Hello Hello, can you hear me Alot Anybody Eric? I got the site. She here Hello Oh. You know what I think. We all went to each other's rooms. Yeah we we buzzed each other into different rooms. Excuse me. Excuse me. I've been waiting for my time. Go on it. Go on when you wake. Me Late actually pissing everybody off getting there. Okay! Jesus Christ neurotic, Jewish no chance book this not at all. Totally. So I'm here for the audition for pita pockets for the Spiderman movie right? Thank you for coming in today. Thank you for having me. which going roll tape on you can get this to the director who's in Switzerland? Right now I think having lunch, but if you WANNA go ahead and state your name. Character you're reading four, and then we'll start on page three. Out Neighbors Roland. A INCA. You don't need to say. Namus, just say your name first and last and then. The last name. Okay, IT'S A it's rolling. Donate the IT'S A. It's a just when I ask. Say Your first and last name, and then we're going to start on page so Roland. You're here in my trailer. I understand. You'RE GONNA. Be Harry Potter. Now is that right? I believe I auditioned for the role of Spiderman. The same. It's the same I haven't looked at the script for anything except the spite of it. Look I was scheduled to play every okay and I guess you did such a good job. your Spiderman edition that you now taking my role. He Paris I've read all despite of. Comic books. was embarrassing for me. I'm not prepared to play Harry Potter. My taught to play. Yes ruined I have jae-ki round with me here. I know I'm Jay Object Simmons. There's been a mistake you thought I was J. K. Rowling. Jets Berlin Berlin just just just buzzed them in role. Fantastic okay now. If you want to. Look whatever your name is rolling. Look, I'M A boy. Okay, so you guys are working with me today. I made is pretty simple. We tell real stories that happened to real. People who are insured about Disasters that befell them and then farmers did cover, so it's pretty simple. You have no lines. And just looking forward to working with you. Are you sure that this is the right trailer for be. I don't think this is what I'm supposed to be supposed to be Spiderman. PITA POKKA my uncle died. Like I don't need to know your secrets. Two, pretty big secret. I like it when they say but for the end. I I haven't seen I haven't seen the script, but what you're talking about. It as an actor like you want to keep that secret inside, and then that motivates you and everything. No I'd like to know the secrets. Oh, you're telling me. J. K. Simmons. How to act. Sorry, but he pissed off Jake Simmons. We're going to have to let you go. But but I I don't even think he was out of the project realized the students by. Look. You're an actor. Giving a limited amount of information you have to go based on that. Okay to be fair. You've been going to everybody crew in cast telling the you're inspired. That production was shut down sixteen years ago. Well. You just said it was sixteen years ago. That can't be true I'm barely. You're not a boy. Better, not avoid. Okay little boy. You're fifty seven year old man and you weren't too tight close. Guys James doesn't seem like himself. I think he's a different version himself so when he comes into the diner. A, Except, whoever he don't look this is what do you mean? But what do you mean by version one? Is there ever been a same version of James? That's a good question. I, just I feel. He's a little amped up with it. Not I think it's been amplified recently I think maybe because he didn't get invited the just for giggles and Craig always great. When killed it Joey. That was unfortunate, but still like I. Guard is the word I would use. Performance raise up on guard. TAKES NOT SOLD OUT Amazing who could do that? Who Ever done that? No, not a single seat saw ship. That's. Paulie Shore O. Come on. He's an icon. MTV Ray James let's. Pay James. We're doing another fucking intervention. Jeez. You know what I just don't feel myself to eight. Or really let me be honest. Does doesn't asshole work like a gas tank. Because I just. What the hell hole in the bathroom! And I think that I was tricked ahead my lips. I suck. The Shit came out. He told me that's the only way he can go to the bathroom. On, do not. And you came right back to the table. Came right back table. I've watched my hand. You're spitting over the food when you talk. I can't eat any of this. Are, you not wearing a face mask? You always wear a face mask. Well. It got shit all over it in the bathroom, exactly it. Doesn't matter. They supposed to be some kind of gut. Damn intervention! No James. Everything's fine. Joe Is right to even kill man. Let just let it just settle words. Honestly, maybe because we care, we do nothing. About that, because that kind of takes away from us, I like that. Right. there. Would have been able to help this interventions a real sausage. To fix on the dance floor. Eat this. James. Braatz. We were GONNA James We. We're going to you. Know Talk to you today about. Why you're ramped up, amped up and camped up but instead. We, just want to embrace you for who you are what you are why you are. And say welcome. Thank you? Because at the end of the day I mean. You're better than Joey. Not as good as Vanessa. You have a good heart. So? I guess we're all we're all flawed crack. To hear some positive stuff from meal, otherwise feel like a good finished intervention i. see you and there you are and. Your we're all here in the same room, this is going out as a live reality show by the way. What and commercial break okay great guys. All right great, really good, really good. Can I talk to Craig? A great job Joe Joey. What are you doing now? What am I? Thought we thought we'd cured you. Gara- look. We're going to look like a little more motion. Motion in here want us. This is as emotional. Bullshit! Bullshit. Okay True Okay I'm. Stumped bog your. Top that top off. Put on this little tank top. Just. Put on the tank tops. This tape, could it fun? Put It on I lost some weight and lose that much. Okay great okay. Put on sunglasses. Is this just for you? This is just for me and me sunglasses here. These are really tight as well all right great. When you get back in the one of the cameras are rolling again once you get this new circuit persona. Okay. I think that a lot of lever to yoga. Right. That's our show. You've got him into the tight sunglasses. Done how you did it. Lets thank. All of our outcome is pleased. Craig Caskey. Thank you so much, buddy my pleasure. It's always a blast Hey, keep following me at Caskey on the twitter. Seek accounts on instagram. Anything going to resolve with craigslist during the pandemic. We're hoping to record the final episode at some point. PUT It out there. But You know. General beyond at some point with that, could you be more general beyond the date of some point I? Think you know it'll be in during the pandemic. It'll happen and. Yeah I'm hearing great things, and it's It's beautiful and distinctive roof. We're we're, GONNA come out with something, and I think people are really looking forward to it and It's excited. It's excited. Exciting. Joey greer, yes, is better supply still zooming for We're. We're zooming it up every Wednesday at seven o'clock. Everyone if they Wednesday James Myself, Morgan and Sean check it. Out It gets weird. and. Chris Thank you for that Jerry for Selvarajah. Yeah! Happy to be here. Love doing this stuff with you guys. Thanks for everyone who's listening. I still jump onto the subway every now and then and see people have been commenting on on. What is doing during this time in? That's nice also I've lost like three followers in the last couple of days. My guys fucking bone. Throw me a bone. That's at Subrato at. Okay I'M GONNA I'm GonNa pump your shit up. Get at least to those three back at a boy. Thank you appreciate it. James well I gotta be honest. It looked like we were slowing on reviews and I thought. Maybe it's just because it's a hard time out there, but then urgence and we've got this new review from Pretty Pretty Pony who's called in? It's a coincidental name. Name that similar, and it says my love for this podcast is so great that since I'm an Android user. A went out of my way to reinstall tunes computer just so I could leave a review. It goes on, and it's long. It's wonderful great five star. Review it just it warms my heart in scary times to see five star reviews pop up of our podcast. Thank you for that review and thank you James for sharing that and I would like to go on record as saying that. I'm exceptionally grateful to my co, alchemists for the opportunity to put these new episodes out. During which we you guys provided me with. I'm just GONNA. Say the the most. I've cried while laughing moment. which was the. Can you buzz me in? Lost my shit. and. and I can't explain to anyone what happened. There's no way I'll recapture that in explanation so I just WanNa say thank you for that and thank you Doug Beim wonderful. Engineered big. Thanks, to the fine folks that iheartmedia from. The and thank you all out there the patrons of course, but you listeners who are non patron. We love you. We appreciate you. Please write to us. Let us know it's going on. Right to your name here at Alchemy Dot Com. That's your name here at argument. There's DOT COM until next time. October Sixteenth Nineteen seventy-two to Congressman Vanish on a small plane in Alaska. Despite a massive search, they're never found. The case goes cold. That is until I start researching it I'm standing right. Portage Pass and Alaska. My name is John. Wall Zach and what I found is one of the strangest stories you've never heard. Did he indicate what was in the suitcase? He said it was a bone. So join me as I travel from Arizona to the Arctic Circle trying to crack this case. Listen to missing in Alaska on the iheartradio, APP apple podcasts or wherever you find your favorite shows. How. I'm Jensen Carpet I. Want you to listen to the new podcast from Tree Fort Media. An iheartradio called the no sports report Jensen, cars you see, I'm a comedy writer and a die. Hard sports fan who was terribly missing the athletes. I loved so much so every episode I'm talking to the best athletes coaches commentators legends from around the world to see what they're doing now. They were all stuck on our campus on. On this podcast we'll hero. Sports figures are entertain themselves and their families. We'll find out if they're staying in shape if their kids are heckling them during home school. Do they almost burned down the house trying to make their own bread? Are they sleeping their jerseys and like I? Do know just meet all right. Some of my favorite episodes in hearing boxing legend Sugar Ray. Leonard Talk About staying in shape in a driveway. Ten is working on whatever you can do. Fuel feel much better or having Jay. Williams explained his crazy NBA. Crucial idea of these cruise liners are massive, okay and getting Olympic Sweetheart Adam rippon to critique. My foreign teen fits that screams to me. I don't care. Listen to the no sports report now and subscribe on the iheartradio APP, apple podcasts forever. You get podcast.

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