3055: Babys on Fire w/ J.P. McDade

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Hey. Welcome the Keith. And the girl I'm Keith Malley. Come to has received my stand up. Yes. It's my yearly standup birthday extravaganza. Are we embarrassing? Anybody? Are we happy about what do we think? I laughed a lot. And and you've come a long way like you actually sound like you give shit about some people, then you should all over them and come back. But how do you mean like your world views are, you know, more spread out in more open? Thank you. And you made me laugh a lot, right? That's the goal of standup. Isn't it to make you laugh a lot? It is not embarrassing. And I love that. You can only talk about your stand up in this, very hilarious voice. So I gave my stand up. And I think it's okay. It's very funny. We'll go to Keith and the girl dot com slash birthday. And you'll see the festivities. We're having a thirteenth fourteenth. Fifteenth four shows over twenty comedians. That includes my stand up. We'll get to the other stuff later. Of course, today's guest performs all over New York City regularly at stand up New York has been on comedy, central's roast battle. If you check the website of the king. It's mcdade baby dot com. You can check out his dates for July two thousand seventeen to September two thousand seventeen. He'll be at silent trailers though on the fourteenth of April with Connor dela handy going against Christian Finnegan and myself JP mcdade, what is stand up comedy. It's when lost they're talking about. When you make them laugh a lot. Still still don't understand. I I am getting very excited as looking at it again today stand ups, I don't. I rate it down, and then I have to get into my head, and it's not completely in my head yet. But I have the title and as comedians, that's the hard part. So that part's done and now it can just cruise. I think you had the title like three months ago, and we're just riding around it. I'm dating your mom is the title. I think that's why you guys started dating right because this'll be controversial. You have three kids. Let's get to know each other. I've never done kids material, by the way hem the quick update for those who heard for April Fools day, your brother called do you want to hear about this? My anger brother who works with me, and my older brother who's also in podcasting for a longtime mixer g he'd interviews entre. Preneurs he works on the tech side for both our companies, and there's some stuff that I just don't know how to do and neither deceit, and he he runs our website things like that. He also runs what is very important on our premium content. This this company. Any that recurs the payments people can remain members? So they can get the extra content that we put out he sends me on April first, and I don't pay attention April. I like this company that he names the company is has suspended your account. I can't deal with it right now because I'm on vacation. So just deal with the customer service that comes in. And it seems like they're going to suspend your account for like a month. Now, this means that we can say goodbye, the Keith and the girl like, it's it's every it's the whole thing. It's what keeps us afloat. I'm already starting to think about all other ways to do things on like, you know, what fourteen years of podcasting. I think I could step down. I got the hall of fame. Like, I really I quit. I had my quitting speech. It's going to be fantastic. Maybe we could have made it fifteen years that would have been a nice round number. But you know, what fourteen make sense? Well, I see these texts come in happens abate, you know, where this is going April first and just these weird messages enough of them where I went out. Let's April Fools. It hit come of course. And then Pentecost make crying not just cry. Like, I want my, mommy, right? And so sad. That's the thing. I don't I don't think the realization that it's April Fool's prank would make it better at all. That's still shitty. Right. Apron pranks are prankster crime dangerous. I don't salt it isn't a salt. It's in the salt on my heart, and this company has fucked up in the past. So it's plausible. It's very plausible. Fuck you for believing this thing that could have happened. Yeah. There was a thing recently where they cost us a couple thousand dollars on the call with them going like, you know, I put on my grown voice, Keith you and doing voice, this is taking up my time. So not only did you steal mummy. Oh. Literally taking money from me right over you're sending you an invoice. That is my tape has it bedrick Stewart. So. Yeah. So I was hysterical crying. Anyway, I headed on the schedule to visit them anyway out in Long Island this week. And I know it's my brother, so it's fine. He picks me up from the Long Island railroad station, and what's playing in the car. The part that machining over on my podcast by coincidence or doubt, it's FICO. He thinks that's very funny. But I don't know how to use modern cars, I see the display on the car. And I try to press it to make it stop laughing at me everything. Always move nitty. So you guys made PC apologizes. So he apologized. He goes against my own rule. I had this rule of like, no finances and no death. And if the jokes first of all, there's nothing left. When it comes to these prints. Everything's it's either finances death or they substituted salt for the sugar when you put it in your coffee, his death. These are the only three things if not too. Yeah. But then so he can't help himself. He's like I shouldn't have done it. However, and again, I shouldn't have done it. But I think it would have been funnier. If and I go you gonna finish that sentence. And he goes, I really I'm not going to do it. And I think it's wrong that I did it. But it would have been funnier. If we were on the phone because I can do it. Here your voice that you heard it. And then switch it up on you. And I'm like where are you? It still would have affected me. He goes. No, I'm not gonna do. I'm just telling you all the ways that I could do better next time. Right. It's the apologies. Right. Isn't that? Crazy. Yeah. So, yeah, it's either your jokes on April first or either finances death or you tell loved when you're having an affair, and I know somebody did that. And they said to come clean them cheating on you in. She said, you know, what? Good because I am we should break up. And it goes I propose and she goes. Oh, yeah. Okay. Then me too. Together. Yes, she made the right decision. Either scenario even if it is a practice. Oh, this needs to end a better way to go about that is hey, I saw you emails between her new Brian. I think we should end it. Well, you don't your family's nuts because you're older, brother? You mentioned. What's good that you know, now already? You're defending just thanking you for your time. Andrew warner. He's he's going on. He's doing seven marathons in seven continents. Yeah. Last last check, that's all the continents prank on yourself. Yeah. Is he dying because other than that? This makes no sense. You see? Okay. It's his talent for two thousand nineteen. He's not only going and doing twenty six point two mile marathon. He's also interviewing someone in that country and just generally running that it's not like the only run. He did he he's in Chile. I think now, and he's like just going for, you know, ten mile run to see the city. And then I think the next day is the marathon sued him. I'd say what are you running away from right? That's all probably. Mm fat does. He have a buddy. No, no. He's never been fat. And he's never been out of shape. Right. But isn't that those people now, he's okay? He just he likes town just he can't stop. He's like he is a full day. And then he goes which had time to bike like wanted to. I only had an hour. But then I had to take care of the kids two hours would really be ideal at the end of the day. Like, okay. Oh, I get comedy kids. Does he have to on? Now. I get it out. Go to do it in the south pole. The morris. I got a a mission start doing a run. Then you have ten Dr Who I see on Instagram is doing what she teas this about last week. She said she's like a stunt person. She's going to set herself on fire. So on now seeing video of him to she's picks up. Something looks like bunch of ice. Let's like shoes Emma spa. No. It's a back porch. Okay. She's lighting a lighter, and there's a fireball in her hand. And. Let me think. What are we doing? Person who taught me how to do this and helped me that's him leading his hand on fire. He's more calm about it. Right. Yeah. It's all the way. We both smoked weed for share. Of course, you. So here's what happened. So there's a thing. You need mental health. And it doesn't look fun JP. Does it look funded looks when a hibachi chef is doing it? I think that's right or when they did their fingers on fire way, more bad ass getting food this. I don't benefit from at all. It's it's Instagram's you guys can see person with as much hair as you not be doing. I put it up. Did you notice that is very smart is pretty close? Is catches forget about it. It's going to look like the statue of liberty. So what happens is I think there's like, soap and water something. But then you add butane. It makes his bubbles. You take the bubbles. You light them on fire, and it somehow protects you from all the fire that's happening on your hand butane is like a lower density than the soap and water mixture. So floats on top of the and then we learn science, you know, you know, you know, how I protect myself wedding anything on. I don't do it. Just don't do. Okay. So what's the best case? She doesn't. She doesn't get a prize at the end how many likes Israel. Not to risk your hands. I get more with my nephew's pictures on. Just like what set him on fire? And she gets carpel tunnel or something we've gotta act like it's not related, the brother who pranked you son. There you go. Kid on fire for real. April fools. But I really thought I was being so much cooler than I was because my hand was on fire and saw like, wow. That was cool. I'm cool. Let's cool. Thank you saw in person. What you also didn't hear it. If you hear the sound that's like. No. Regular iron man over there. Well, here's what he said to do. It goes take the bubbles in your hand light them on fire and then raise your hand up. And then if you start feeling your hand. Yeah. If you start feeling the actual heat like flick it off so that the fire stops immediately. Right. But I forgot the put your hand up part, which is the part that looks cooler because in the fire keeps going, but you don't feel the flames as much. So I forget what you see in video is his hand lights on fire. He calms put put his hands up. And then you see the flames keep going his hand appearing. And it looks amazing. You see me like my hand on fire. I forget to put my hand up. I start feeling the heat, and I just start putting it out like a maniac if you have a book at watering their by you should at all times. Nearby to tricycle shit. I've never done this in my living room right now. There's a book at war. No part of you guys wants to try. So what happened me was? I was when I was in college, I was playing beer pong in my friend's dorm and is more dangerous than this happens with beer pong while you could just locate a shoulder, no problem. But in this instance, one of the balls got a dent in it. And they say that what you can do to get rid of the debt is you steam like you boil water, and you hold it over the water and it like inflates in it pops out. So I figured let's cut out the middleman take the water out of the equation, just grab a lighter and hold a ping pong ball of the lighter ping pong balls. Are extremely flammable. Barely like the flame wasn't even touching. It was like six inches away. And it just burst into flames in my hand. And I dropped it like between a dresser and a desk, and it was just like burning and I had to just really quickly on cap about of the water and pour it out. Otherwise, we were all we were all dead, and I don't wanna make fun of the amount of money that a college kid has. But you know, you literally can't buy list of one thousand ping pong balls at for a dime. That was out of our budget at the time. There was no way. Well, so that's what happens when opin pong light seven five. Tristan? Did you did they didn't have Google back? Then I guess did you go to like fires? And do you see people do it? Well, I dumb shit around. Wouldn't it be great? If like when we had the campfire could like sit directly on it and light myself on fire and just feel the flames like, it's a warm blanket. Cool do self immolated. Monks. Can do it you know, and comeback from them. One the next life short. Lose go next level here guys. And so I think after enough times me saying dumb shit like that. He's like, you know, we have Google. So he he looked it up. And he's like, let's do it right now. A couple of videos of us looking at like, no not doing it until we look into it a little bit more. And by me. I mean, you going wrong. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then the next time we hang out. He's like, okay. Let's do it. Now. Did you look into it more? He goes, no, I'm not doing it. And so here's what happens is I need to have it on my schedule because he'll come over. And be like, all right. I looked it up. Let's do it. Go. No. We've to say that the next time. We're meeting this is going to happen. It's just like my drug use like some people like, let's do acid. I happen to have it right now. Go no, I scheduled acid for next Sunday. But when you Google so in yourself on fire, I know how the internet works. It doesn't automatically show. You the times that failed like checking web MD of a coffee of aids. Yeah. I don't know. He he tried it. I on fire. People have great SEO of. Stories down them. That's going to be the new goat yoga like setting yourself on fire. Skip hot yoga just cover yourself. Insides, do they have other conventions? I should look that out. It was very fun. Would you guys after watching the vigneault me who's a was who can do this? And I was fine. And I wasn't even careful really put my hair up. You wouldn't do it honest. One hundred percent yet. See a candle without like, okay. I got the bucket bucket. Hansi a candle without putting his hand in it. Yeah. I'll yeah. Some finger. Yes. No go to the hospital. Hot wax, like whenever there's a candle to stop myself pouring Mahal on right sticking finger in it. This is how this is home. What's your your brother doesn't want to be around this kids because even your other brother, let you babysit and knows that you're bored. You pour wax on yourself. It's like, yeah. But still we can use in that case, you go has a great bit about like a bonfire and how whenever there's a bonfire. There's always one guy who just like declares himself the Commissioner of the fire. That word. That's me. That's every time. There's got tend to we've played me and Keith and don't let him get himself out of this scenario at all ready happened. We have played Jenga in the fuck and fire now, I one I'm from the desert moving heartburn Yang's. Yes, there are stacked up on top. Yeah. How burning wood? Yeah. When it all falls over as Jianguo games tend to end what could go wrong, and we were in the lids. We were camping and the wood. The wood is perfectly shaped you make a fire and the new C which one you could take and bare hands take from the bottom and put on the top. I think there's more control than you in that video. It was lit on fire could head it. You're acting like somebody let you on fire. I know you did it. I know that's fun. Could've foreseen this. I'm busy having sex. But I'm happy for you. So when we were playing Jenga is that not everything is now in you know, what you're doing keep your getting everyone to respond to me like this. I put this thing on Twitter and somebody goes, oh my God. I'll give keep the twenty dollars just have sex. And I'm like, you think this is were pression fires are pushing anything is you're going to be you're going to be cutting the not-i'm. It's awesome. It's all related. You haven't done it before. And you're in your forties. Interesting doing the crazy shit. I've ever heard of. But you've been saying this to me for like fifteen years. The what that does wacko. Well, you take away that you weren't wacko. But now, you're next level psychotic. All right. This is the fun version of me. Right. This is what the choker says. Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right, more years. So this e- does going to be disliked jumping over school buses on a dirt bike. I'm into park core. Now touch with me. And those real excited today. She says, I gotta show you this video. It's about the Google virtual assistant, and what they're going to be capable of with computers with on our phone like this Serey. It can't even get a name. Right. When you say to call your best friend who you call every day. That's true. I don't know. I have a two or three keeps in my phone book. And if I'm telling Siri, call Keith do I really have to say Malley at this point twice it called this guy in my phone book named bastard, Keith. He's like, I think you have the wrong number. I'm like, you bastard, once called me a bastard the computer picked it up. We'll here's it sounds as if I. But then I'm like, wait a minute. I think I've heard this video before I play for you, of course. And then I see oh, it's a year old. Let's say you wanna ask Google to make your Hackett appointment on Tuesday between ten and knew what happens is the Google system makes the call seamlessly in the background for you. So what you're going to hear this the Google assistant actually calling real salon to schedule an appointment for you. Let's listen. Mature catcher client. Shit. It said that's the computer park. I was I was I wasn't concerned until I heard right. Okay. So there's that not only that it has. So we've gone through different upwards inflections on how people talk high. This is the most modern version of that upwards inflection it's not just a valley girl from like our day in the past. It's a abundant Vanna like it's only at the end, you know. Hi, I'm limited haircut. Client. I'm looking for something may fared. Want? Primer around at five pm. We do not have a piano available. But quote, the we have that if a one fifteen have anything. Between ten AM and the wealthy 'em depending on what he would like with service. Wonky. But with bucking dead, right home. My god. How many of these people have I talked to? And then how many people do talk like that? And then the next day, you're like your systems kinds of ding bet or or there was like a male voice assisted, and I could see myself going like how do you like working with that, dude? This system I'm gonna be on a call with the customer service for Time Warner Cable or something, and I'm gonna think I'm gonna be talking to human. But what it turns out? I'm actually talking to is like one of those Boston dynamics dog robots that's inside an Amazon blimp. And it's coming to murder me, and I'm talking to complaining about something. And then it gets pulled off on a drone from the blimp delivered to my neighborhood. And it walks climbs over a fence and goes into my backyard while it's still talking to me. And then it gets me to look inside my fridge, and then it breaks in and rips my legs off that's how it's going to unplug us. Plug us back in. Okay. So we'll kill O humans around though. I don't know now. Hi, I was wondering. Kill all. Now, we have a ten o'clock henna. AM fine. Okay. What's your meet the first thing of Li Li said, I'll pay perfect. I will see leap that Hannah off on may third. Thank you have a day. Now. This is I blew my mind. I'm showing Keith. And he goes what was that like a year ago with a focus it then? Yeah. Where's where's it? It's so great so subtle. You don't even know that you've interact. Sure, I'd be excited about all these things. They just you'd never see where's the pill for men. Where's the flying cars? Where's the age care? I'll tell you what. I'll keep living probably got held up when they tried to do this on a Long Island hair salon, and then the simulator was like I'm trying to book an appointment for. Okay. First of all, can you stop it? Okay. Can you just watch you tone, please? And then it didn't know how to respond to that level of hostility back to beta testing. So. So my issue is this is so lovely. I love it. And also, yes, we're all dead, blah, blah, blah. You know, I don't know why people are having kids anymore. But my worry, of course, is very selfish. My name is hemmed. And when you book me, a hair appointment, what's the name? Her name is. How do you spell that? Who knows just fell it any which way she'll answer to anything Kameda? The robot starts talking shit about you just yell out judicial answer. And then and then when I hear the the applause to it's like, well, this is Google dot com. They have to applaud well they have a job for another year. We gotta make this happen now to play in foods ball all day slide around in tubes. Yeah. That's what you're doing in. That office aren't ya? No, I'm using the photos, right? Let's say you wanna call restaurant, but maybe it's a small restaurant, which is not easily available to book online. The call actually goes bit differently than expected. So take a listen. Hi, I'd like for Wednesday the seven. For people. It's before people. Win. Night Wednesday at the pm. Actually need light opera. Like, why people go you can come. The rebel goes why this is the who's on first. Situation the way it usually to be needed to. For next Wednesday of seven knife up to maybe you can comfortable k. Okay. Oh, I got you bang. Yeah. But then how does how does the assistant tell you you just show up? They don't make reservations unless it's five or more people. But you should be fine. The late is not long for it's weird. So okay. So here's here's what I what I learned from that interaction. First of all, they're letting male voices. Do this own car new world next is he says, I'm in very particular situation with lets us know a lot about ourselves. Like when he says, can I do it on Wednesday on the seventh? It's because you know, it could be the seventh. I don't wanna tell you when the seventh is, you know, it's I'm kinda dumb also the seventh. And then the other is was after he needs to correct her 'cause 'cause he says for at seven six pm. Yeah. It's like, oh, maybe you're right now six PM yea like me at the deli. I'm like, don't you say monster cheese because I know I absolu-. Did. That's right. Yeah. If I Kappa Pacino like can I get that dry? And then I don't trust that you heard me. Did I say dry yet? Might so forgetful than I even call you. Yes, you're on the phone now, sir. Okay. But isn't that weird that we need we need these like side, the robot knows don't correct people unless you sound a little bit dumb in a little bit confused yourself. I am amazed by this. But again, I am also going to wait until I see it. I know what I phone has. It has I I could turn my face into a sexy, FOX. And then whenever my eyes get big the FOX when I stick my tongue. This'll thing was just sketch Cayo is just like a guy record. It was completely fake. They like Google like oh shit. The presentation is tomorrow. Anything goddamn? All right. Kids in here. Now. I would like to schedule reservation or that sounds good. But make it dumber. Like people. I. Reservation, but no I can be a draft. And you wouldn't even know it. I bet you can tell that it's a computer because it agrees with you and then disagrees right after so when you're wrong goes. Yes. So you say it's on Wednesday. Yes. It's on Tuesday. You know what? I mean. Like, it's picking up that we need to be smarter than it. Those through gonna kill us a personal system when it cries. Crying. Working hard enough. Right. You can get any personal system to cry. If you ask them like three questions every single one, I do know like working for Dr Phil. That's great. It's really just. Yeah. Your family a lot. Well. I find myself doing that on this very show. Sometimes some say, oh one of these big game hunters got run over by rhino. And I go. Yeah. By an elephant. And what's interesting about that bubble, blah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, what's the best is when people start arguing, and it's like keep his being nice evalu-. Just and you're always so nice about it settle correction. But I'll say something that he thinks is the dumbest thing, and you'll know that he thinks it's the dumbest thing because he'll go like you probably mean this word, right? Like, do you happen to know what this word means? And I go all your being made. No, I don't know. Clearly now, I'll tell you what how when they have a phone that you can pay thousand dollars for that. They brag about how thin it is. And I don't need an extra twenty dollars for a case. Then we're on the something you gotta really work to impress. Keith. Yeah. Yeah. I need a just a thousand dollars. But I need a case. But you're bragging about this. You're bragging that the screen is the same screen that the us in helicopters look around next. I'm you're in public about how many broken screens there are I will not get on a helicopter anymore. This is the craziest should be a class action lawsuit on these fucking screens. Instead, we go shoot it. Go to case, Bob, I agree. And I'm into the class action. Then thank you. So we'll see about this assistant use the assistant to call Google and go Why's my screen broken. Let them deal with this is going to be calling each other. Like in that movie. Right. The author that I now can reference you did good. Thank you. I referenced it pretty well. This is how silent trailers started, by the way was like in the movie Keith with person that referencing. And he says it I'm excited Boca, by the way, JP what you're going to be with Connor dela halogen. We're going to be doing silent trailers live for the first time live for the first time. We'll we'll give wanna go here in the little bit. The number one movie right now is she's AM. See this is what I get excited about what I know. They can do it. They can make a kid fly. And I'm like, okay, I'll show up to that. That's great on the future. Ravin assistant made fifty six million dollars. So far in America. What movies normally make nowadays? I don't know what gigantic range. Yeah. The the marvel movies will commonly make hundreds of millions of dollars. And then there's like most. Lower budget movies will cause I hate to say something like this like hearing. Oh, it may fifty six million dollars. I hate to follow that up. With is the good. Depends on how much you spend. Well, Zam Blair witch project is the most successful movie of all time. Now eighteen dollars that they paid the make it about a sim card and some fakes not well, they said like it only costs two hundred thousand I'm like for what a real map that you through over the bridge from what its woods rule those trees. Did you buy the tenth from where the government buys tents? None of you had a tenth what cost a fucking thing. Honestly, it says so mad at this movie dumbest thing and everybody's playing a game. Like, well, smart person said they like it. Then I liked it too. It's the dumbest thing I agree with you. When I I thought I didn't hear anything about it. So I wasn't sure if it was real or not, and it looked really real. And when I found that it was fake. I was like that was such a boring movie. I mean, you got me board of the movie in hindsight. Like, I enjoyed myself. And then took it back. Suzanne is reported to have a much cheaper budget than most superhero movie. At only ninety one hundred million dollars, usually a superhero film films about one hundred fifty million. It has made six million in the I mech screens, by the way. A scam with MAC if you want speak on get a regular movie ticket sit closer. Oh, go ahead. Disagree with you there. I don't know. I see everybody. Whether it's take whether it's a regular saying the worst seats better all sit in the back. TD? Right. You sit in the fifth row or so full. Okay. No. That's nope. That's the ramblings of crazy USA towards towards the back all the way in the back. That's stupid mid. So my head is at the middle level of the screen. I appreciate that JP sits in the back because both of you mother fuckers too tall for the theater also community service twelve that's different that sweet. That with you ever sick around like for one of those marvel movies, obviously, because they always have the post traded scene or whatever the credits fucking long because they have nine thousand people who worked on it. Like, it just got me thinking if we knew how much work went into like our favorite movies and TV show would be like. Oh, no. That's that's fine. You don't have to do that. Like. It's not worth it. I'll just go read a book or something, but way too much work surprise when you see the credits that long I'm like, it's it was only twenty dollars. It's not a month's pay. Every superhero together, they could charge two hundred bucks pay opening weekend. While I'm reading about adventures that they they they're selling tickets now doesn't come out until the middle of April. And. Sites couldn't handle it. Wow. And they couldn't movie AMC vendors and their adventures the sequel where all of them, right? Yes. Now, you're the hammer of wizards whenever the puck. This is a vendor's. Did we really kill all the superheroes of injures birth canal? Title to right. So it's like oh for it. Worked for you guys. The first time types in right? There wasn't a vendor's. There's a couple of vendors. This is part two of a story. Where supposedly everybody dies, even though you know, there's a new Spiderman movie is dead called endgame. So you know, it will definitely be the last super. We'll make any more tickets for vendors and game are so hot resellers demanding thousands of dollars with a pair of tickets going to New Jersey super fans for fifteen thousand dollars for what for what for for what you actually can picture. Those guys though, no exactly what they look like. Based on information, you turn into superhero in are in the movie, you get the honest to goodness iron man suit, and you can fly the vendors. One of the biggest franchises of all time. The cliffhanger ending to Infinity ward, no doubt contributed to the hype opening weekend sold out quickly crashed AMC fandango sites. Let's see fifty percent sales more than the the record holder that was Star Wars the force awakens when don't they pay fifteen thousand dollars for thirty. No what happens in the movie, I could spoil it right now for all your listeners, December fly. So you know, how like at the end of Infinity war like half of the people in existence all get like blinked out of existence. They all died evaporate. The new movie part of it takes place in heaven. The new members of the they meet up with like how they meet up with new cast members. Yeah. God jesus. Larry, they're all in it. That too much of a spoiler kit. Say okay, like whenever the superheroes. Fight each other because they're morons somebody bumps the hulk, and he's like, I must kill my best friend, captain America. But they all had the same powers like Thors a God, you know, the hawks from earth. But somehow when they fight everything clashes exactly like God evenly match. Right. Does God have the same powers as a flash to go at it. There are more than four hundred fifty listings on EBay for endgame tickets. And while many are one hundred dollars or less. Some are a lot more. There's a ticket to a showing at regal here in New York seven thousand five hundred dollars eight thirty AM movie. Okay. Here's what I wanna do Goto eight thirty thing and just say Hello to that guy. Interest interview him just liar ticket to another movie then sneak into that showing paid eighteen dollars. All my God. You know, okay. They have armed guards in the that. It's like it's more fortified than the Trump towers in New York who. Who online would rather have sex than go watch this movie right now at eight thirty in the morning, so far this why you think I'm repressed is because I went to that so far very few tickets have actually sold for the huge amounts. But at least one fan in New Jersey has the mean stinging appeared tickets for fifteen thousand dollars, but. I just yeah. It's probably like Bon jovi's nerd kid. Is like just a weird look in. But I wanna believe that it's someone who can afford it. Who's like fifteen thousand dollars is just an hour's worth of work. And it's not a big deal in words, making Downey junior. So you like to be with the fans, I'm one of the people. Sarkin afford it. No problem. I just forgot what they tickets were on sale. Yup. Knuckled premier. But isn't it a lot of times? It's the people who can't afford it who it's just this experience is so meaningful Evers their entire lives. Just this one experienced. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's hard. Someone who went to college. I can relate. Suckered into I spent fifteen thousand dollars some some of those Hooper. Here's better be bed. Vol of it one or two they have to be very upset easier degree at all anymore. No now, you are fine in some tangential way. I guess I could be using it because it's like what was it? My degrees in history. Okay. So there's no like direct use for that. But there's also as we keep living in the future. Right. You live in the time keeps moving forward and I keep banking onto go back. So it's not going to have every ten repeats. But I don't know, you know, and you learn from what the quotas, but planning with a history degree law school. Okay. Really? Any other ideas and things he might do so history. What kind of law, then I really didn't have that clear of a plan. I was just like, oh, I guess I'll be legit human being if I go to law school, so and then I took the hats, and I was like, maybe I won't go. But it's like there's also that theory about college where it's like, signaling. It's called like the signal where you like the fact that you got a math degree or something doesn't mean that you're gonna get a job in mathematics. But it's signals to like, you know, bloom brothers or something that they can hire you, and you're going to be like smart, you're gonna be capable of learning learning things brain works mathematical way, which could be used in other systems sell the yet. That's a bad example that I gave us differ finance weren't. You finance those in banking. I almost feel like finances stronger. I worked in just a cubicle didn't have that important of job. What does that mean? It was because when people say finance they're working on like a trading desk or something pick tuna fund. I mean that you're helping that big of a douchebag. But no, you're helping me get a new pin? Not even like in such an obscure back office job that no one knows what I did whenever I tell them not even your vice my boss, any of us barely knew what we were doing. Well, where are you? Do I was working in? Economic sanctions compliance? Also. On right nine if I if I went into detail. Everyone who listens to this podcast tried it off right away. But going back to your history, airing if you had to say what best thing that happened in history. Best thing having history. January twenty four th nineteen eighty nine was born be Ted Bundy was executed maybe the greatest trade the universe. Every history. Oh, now, like, some of your history jokes are coming into my mind. You know, I see JP very often of too many cokes. Hashtag too many cooks show her start boost didn't been meeting a few keys in the girl listeners in the audience. I say hi before. And after we always smoke so catches their anyway JP does that not me speaking on stage? By the way this. It's not close to the end of the month. Right when cops need to make their quotas. Right. Okay. Okay. Decriminalized? We're good. This constantly thinking, I'm going to get in trouble. I really gotta to look up. This word means decriminalized. What are you worried? If like Jesse smollet not guilty. What are you worried about will happen? If they catch me smoking you too many awards. Fuck you talking about the worst. That can happen is I get a ticket tickets nowadays. Don't but isn't one ticket vendors people paying thousands of dollars. You. So let's say at most it's one hundred twenty or something like that dollars. Let's say it's two hundred dollars. I've been smoking on the street for years now. One ticket is gonna be okay. Good ratio right bowl times. Especially because I'm not getting in trouble. Like, there's no mckelway keep his. You know who else is worried like that about me. My mother poet on talk to because it's ridiculous. Silence of choice by law a half to talk with you. That's for one hour. Yeah. No hem starts crying over getting the ticket. And I go well take about it. It's worth it one ticket. And I learned this math from you. I learned this from you, and did you cry when you go jumping the turnstile or not? You did debate about some point what I want to listen to realize that this podcast is just to Google assistant. The whole time. Sure. But it is. It is funny that these there's that. There's the avengers. I remember when I saw it. Maybe question when we're smoking on the street when I pass it to t- what you were looking around you nervous while you're smoking. No. Because now we're at a time where this whole city smoking, the actual streets are stem, literally smoking themselves so now, but it's just funny. How for you are, but you will be lucky Jackson. We. Time and place. So that was funny somebody that doesn't know the law you ever get not busted by Cosby ever. Get busted by someone who's just an arc of a person. Now, people tend to try to be like extra cooler. That's why New York City is cool like that. Because a couple of times in the suburbs. Then busted by just like some person who's walking around. Like, I was at my Buddy's house in suburban New Jersey. When college in some like his dad, but the friends of friends dad came around the corner, we were like on a quiet dark street not near anyone any walked up as what we were smoking. What he is doing. We were just sitting there like hanging out and he's like. In college like nineteen twenty. And then he's like get it out of the neighborhood. Not in my neighborhood. What a tough guy. Well, here they mostly go like that smells good. I'm like, yes. Very cool. I'm aware of what Reid is -actly. Exactly. Like, I know. I somebody smoking some stuff that movie speaking of our VIP program. There's a new episode with him the shit. My father in law says and your ex father in law's talking about when he was smoking car. And obviously this this decades ago in a different time, and it's bad news. So the cops are coming to his car and him and his friends my Ford model, right? They start eating the joints. It's not like you undo the window and you ate all the smoke to. It's coming out as you're talking. Bad as he was doing acid on a daily basis before it was even illegal and threw it being illegal is the officers like what are you up to you? Look like you were just in a nine poking on. Nothing. Nothing much. It's pretty scary. 'cause they were locking people up for a long time for that would say, so I would say so anyway, I was going to say I remember watching avengers Infinity war and all these super heroes start Evaporating, they're dead. And I got excited when the first two died, and I'm like, yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? Is darn then Spiderman dies, and I said out loud. A fuck you because there's no way that a little kid all these people keep dying. I'm like, oh, they're all dead. It's like, you know, Judy Homer Simpson. People onto via map rating woman's giving a blowjob pillow. Smoke comes on her mouth. The they just made me think of the breakfast club. Is that the one where it's like or where it's like you're suspended for a week. Make it a year making. That's what I'm like. I'm like ten they're all Superman's dead at make them all bed who cares? Like, you mess with the bull. I mean, all the people from. Guardians of the galaxy extended university all the people dying. Austin powers dies, but curbing the galaxy died, but guess what guarding the galaxy three. So that's gonna be interesting that none of them are in it. I'm still at the breakfast club reference because that scene gave me so much anxiety because I was like fuck this fucking principle guy. Like, yeah. Definitely L him. And I'm like, no don't yell at him. You're getting more shit. And it's like, you know, what totally worth it. You're bad ass. Don't even show up. All he's going to get you in trouble. You're gonna get kicked out of school. What are you doing in school? Anyway, just fucking speak your mind, and then you'll be that guy, and that's cool. So I had some trouble watching that movie. Do you remember some time ago, we reported that James Gunn, he directed the first two gardens of the galaxies? He was fired from or said, he couldn't do it. The third one because of old Tweety had joking about pedophilia and ripe and the entire cast. And crew said, hey, we know this guy's a good person. Learn Bryan singer mid four movies in the. Time that he was suspending friends actually fucking children. And it was it was like a decade before. I don't wanna exaggerate the time. But it was like ten years before the twist or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. While they said, you know, what people are standing up for you. You seem contrite. We're going to let you direct the new movie angles. Okay. Unless it's a trick. Because there is no moving they're all dead. Dating. Okay. Remember reading tweets or you reading them to me. And I remember saying this was ten years ago. We were saying a lot of different things and also his jokes will in funny. So really, it was just not funny, which means you end up being either racist or pedophilia if whatever humor in those never go. Well, yeah. Those just make you seem like an answer. Fired from like this massive. I'm always learning and will continue to work at being the best human being I can be I deeply appreciate Disney's decision. And I'm excited to continue making films that investigate the ties of love that bind the soul through children. April fools. It was another pedophilia joke. The New York Times says gun directed the first two guardians of the galaxy. The first one was amazing the second goofy. Af okay. Who said that New York Times many people who have fallen my career? I know when I started following my career. No, when I started I've you'd myself as a provocateur making movies and telling jokes that were outrageous fuck, this guy, actually, never mind. Reversing course, a lot of people viewed me provocateur. The tweet was busy tonight. Fucking kids provocateur. Pretty pretty good job as I haven't publicly many times, and I've developed as a person so has my work and my humor and the past. I've apologized for humor of mine that hurt people getting really boring to be honest. And I'm like kinda on this guy side enough to not give shit. Like that's as much of on your side is like you'd be with his garbage. Who cares? But like this is so floral. Yeah. That'd be great. If you just devoted a few more senses to talking about how developed a sense of humor is. I've grown actually thing. I'm quite humorous. You trust me because nobody lets me go on Twitter to prove it. But believe me, my friends and family. No. Yeah. I'm so sick of that. What's that show where everyone wears the red capes in Marsha Belsky? Did a thing on it though. Still. Yeah. I don't wanna watch that show because I am so sick of everybody fucking us. Like, I'm just like. Oh, yeah. Let me watch that all the actual show. You mean? Yeah. I saw the musical. It's fantastic. But you know. On the rooftop bar coming out. Yeah. Yeah. That shows doing really really well follow Marsha Belsky JP easier. But would follow me? On social media about me. Let's do around the sound trailers. Yes. So of course, we're playing with you can get tickets keeping the girl dot com slash tickets or keeping the girl com slash birthday. Whatever you like we'll see behind the scenes what you want with them. It's always funny to me when you know, a commercial gives out like to dot coms, but they're gonna say place. What are you doing? I know as I was saying like he's about the murder. Okay. So of course, Keith you're going to have a partner cushioned Finnegan and JP is going to have Connor as as his partner. Do you think j Connor will help you or hurt you gonna help? All right. But I mean as long as it's as long as it's four white Deutz stage talking about, and it's all going to go. Okay. Just four why do? Somewhat different generations. Talking. So we have respected eight white thumbs. So I'm gonna be giving people John Ross and Keith and question will never get to pick which which list it's going to be picked from. I asked people for we started the show what kind of John where he would be into. He said seven o'clock. Okay. Could been better. Okay. So he said, you're you're fired from gardens galaxy four. You know what fair, and I won't even give you a floral apology. So this is all having to do with sports that being said who knows what that means. I ready from those no sports either. The movie choices it's like V hours. They had to the Gulf game on for two minutes on the TV. Yes. Yes. Are you ready nine hundred ninety eight here we go. The phone preview has been proved for blah, blah, blah. On. Touchstone pictures, there's somebody walking through dark holler into a scores. I'm going. Cheinal gorno? I tried to save five different words at once to get them all home. He just got hit with a football that same guy that was going through. He's waterboy. Yes. I was thinking that too. That's not gonna help you out case. You don't do thinking. That's now never have point. It's one zero zero. Here we go. All right and starting two thousand to hell con S K. It is an Indian wedding traditional Indian wedding. Wow. While out John Rowe today. Too bad. None of these will be able to be on the actual. I'm burning. Everybody's actually Zola tramp. Say which ones we wanna do practice episodes. I didn't get any sound. Oh, brother. I can repeat any of the ones that have ever been done in silent trailers before occur. Bend, like Beckham present sort of been been. Okay. They're in a park, this guy and girl he's wearing a jacket like two thousand five. They're just walking and talking the they might be on a day. But they don't seem happy about it. She's very famous Twentieth Century, Fox. Now he's coming in with flowers. They're laughing at Niagara, Falls or something. It's a city she's working out with her friends. She's now in an office. Very busy. Five and some guy comes in. Now, she's working out again with your friends looks like it's a comedy because that's how they always like situate these comedy scenes now, they're at a party, everyone speaking very sarcastic. Leo. He's a very big sports fan. He had sports paraphernalia all over he's asking her to maybe man. T p. Jimmy fallon. I remember that movie. You did have me on your show. Holy keith. Pam. Work cut out for him. Yeah. Wow. JP has make you feel credible. Wow. I'm so disappointed in key no-one. Remember that movie? I because Jimmy Fallon is from New York. I think he's been a Yankee fan his whole life and he plays the Red Sox. Can he act like he likes different baseball team? If you just wanted to do a Boston accent holy shit. L was he doing a Boston accent? Maybe I mean JP on your show Jamaica. At that. Keith you can failed miserably like three zero. He's a kiss sweep warm. I going to do humiliated before. Wow. I mean, Keith you of your stand-up taping. So maybe you're focused on that. No. I'm busy with other things in the back of my head. What about what are some of the details about the state what's going on? Where's it going to happen? So the natural. So I on Saturday this Saturday is when all this stuff happens Saturday were having little launch party, a barbecue often, the info, and then Sunday, we're having to back to back game shows, you can't say that and silent trailers and the day after that Keith is report is recording his sixteenth album on his birthday once again. Keeping the girl that com slash birthday or slash tickets. All the information is in our social media. So it's easy to find JP work. And we find you other than this Sunday at the gutter bar on Twitter at Jp underscore mcdade. It's where I post most of my stuff or on Instagram at mcdade, baby. John.

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