Chris Voss and Paula Faris on Negotiation


I'm interviewing Chris Voss. He's the former lead hostage negotiator for the FBI. You have no idea how intimidating it is to interview someone who's made a career out of breaking people without those people know we met. He's breaking them. Chris is a phenomenal negotiator. And he tells us that we're in three to seven negotiations every single day. So where do you begin in negotiation? And is this something that everyone's born to do also before we dig into this episode. I want to let you know that Chris Voss will be live with us on Maith at the G. less next event series also joining us is going to be summit faculty favorite and Harvard's difficult conversations expert. Sheila Heen so stick around to the end of the episode to find out more about that upcoming event but without further ado. Here's my conversation with Chris. Hello everyone welcome to the G. L. S. podcast and I'm your host Paula. Farris and I am very excited to welcome. This week's guest the one and only Chris Voss who spent twenty four years with the FBI was the FBI's chief international hostage negotiator. He's got just a few credits under his belt. Chris Welcome to the podcast very much and I before she did that. Introduction when she said she was a host I was gonna say I was. I'm the comedic sidekick. Do you need to have comedy skills for negotiation or is that just a bonus you develop them you have developed them By the way we do have a live audience. They're eating lunch with us right now at the summit. It's great to have all of you in the room as well. So let's get you our conversation. I learned so much from our conversation at the Summit Day to everyone needs to learn the art of negotiation because life is a negotiation. We're in five to seven negotiations every day. We don't know it. Exactly anytime essense starts out with. I want I need I like. I'd like negotiation. I would like a Tall coca-cola right now. That's a negotiation is always implementation involved there like we talked about this morning. I'd like a cup of coffee from starbucks. You never know what you're going to get might be DECAF. So where does one begin in an election? You begin here in the other side out first and then they may need a little bit of a prompt based on the situation. You may need to let them know that you see things from your point of view A recent negotiation I was in. I needed directions. I'm lost on campus at UCLA in a parking ramp. And I know that if I go the wrong way. I'm never going to find my way out so I gotta find most likely. Who Am. I GONNA see maintenance guy or security guard is the same way I get. I find the best restaurant in an airport. Who YOU'RE GONNA predictably run into and what's the first thing that's going to go through the mind. See A maintenance guy he sees museum and he sees me speed up headed in his direction. He's not an idiot. He knows I'm lost. He knows what I speed up and had his direction that I'm GonNa ask for directions. Saint hopefully not run him over and hopefully not run them over. So what's the first thing goes through his mind? First thing going through his mind is it's not my job to give directions if some idiot is lost in parking ramp so I pull up and I roll down a window and I go. Hey I'm sorry it is not your job to give directions to some idiot is lost parking ramp because what do you need when you need? I'm here for this big conference. Now I know he knows exactly where it is but if I don't lead with that what's his perspective if I just say hey dude I need directions is go ahead and I'll ask you say I don't know because how am I going to say. Oh yes you do. But instead what's in his head I articulate. He says I know exactly where you need to go. Make a right a right. Go up the ramp. You're there it's it's that simple. Let the other person now that you see from their perspective right off the bat and you'll get talking instead of putting them on the defensive right away. You're like I understand that I understand but you welcome them. You're listening to them and you're hearing them understand two millimeter shift is you don't say I understand. Because actually they don't know that you do so you show them offensive. When when my husband tells me I when he says I understand. I'm like no you don't understand and I don't understand you but I just want you to hear me out. I just want you to listen to me when we're trying to people we ask them. When was the last time somebody looked at you and said I understand and then you would also thank God? 'cause we're used to I understand is shorthand for shut up. I WANNA talk. You know every for everyone in this room everybody listening. Everyone can learn the skills of negotiating correct. You believe that. Everybody's got it in them. Everybody was born with a certain amount of emotional intelligence. And it's there it's kind of unlimited unlimited limitless so versus your Iq. You're accused like you're you're you're only going to get so tall you're only going to get you can't raise req- you got a limit on it no matter. How many times did you play with a Rubik's cube or play Jenga? Those Games are accuse got hard ceiling your cue on the other hand. You can continue to raise that as long as you can make

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