Josh Robert Welcome to mental. Your hello thank you for having me so we're GONNA be talking about anxiety today. Quite an in depth I will. When did you first start experiencing anxiety yourself will so in a major way It really started me the morning after. I'VE BEEN TO A PARTY. So sounds quite unlikely. But prior to that I suppose it'd been nervous ish child but I'd never been I'd never had like maybe tiny panic attack so what you would associate with what I would now identifies a panic attack but really for me. It was kind of always completely final. Seemingly fine went to a party wake up the next morning and everything had kind of collapsed. The any idea what triggered that I didn't know I think it's a combination of genetic factors so I think if you poke around my family history. Logunov you'll see a lot of on diagnosed condemns with the Times but sort of mental health problems and then so I think it's probably sort of underlying and then yeah. I was sort of conference of lots of different things out of state in a job that I wasn't particularly joying maybe too long. I wasn't exercising. Tula losing a lot not really sleeping and so I think I was probably already slightly predisposed and then the policy push me. How did yet she actually fail on that morning? You describe it. Yeah I mean it was like waking up into if you seen a movie where they kind of an actor or character wakes up startled and it. It was basically like that. Wake up into a panic attack and like I said had sort of miniature panic attack previously this what must just complete next level in terms of the intensity of it say panic attacks on that different for different people but for me it's like an intensely physical experience stomach knotted breath. You know very short heart pumping going nuts is dilated skinny sweaty clammy hall but called less sort of thing And then accompanying physical. Tara is a very singular mental one. Which is the idea that at some point. Olis' physical stuff with my body is going to become too much and I'm GonNa have a heart attack will will pass out and lots of people very common people. Think of panic attacks when they're in the most being heart attacks and th- reality is thankfully whilst that terrifying No one started a panic attack yet so it was extremely intense and long so usually panic attack could last for thirty seconds minutes when I'd had these little tremors before this one was three or four hours. Oh my goodness yeah. It was really intense and it was sort of. Come maybe it would subside fractionally and then it would you know. Sort of new wave would come would sort of appear see. It was pretty grim. I went to I went obviously went to an e a bunch of times with three different times to the and Went to see two different. Nhs GP's this'll general prognosis and it's not their fault you know then. It just isn't at the moment setup to deal with problems like this but This sort of general prognosis that it was that it was a hangover. Gone wrong And you know the prescription was cup of tea and get a good night's sleep so think promos couldn't sleep so Five days after five days off the initial thing having badly slats and been in a constant state of panic I ended up going to To see a private GP just coughed up the cash and And he very quickly diagnosed me with a generalized anxiety disorder after that initial fairly long. Panic attack then manifest. Yes we moved. It went from being kind of immediate fear about dying to being an mall. Will generalize guess all pervasive fear of pretty much anything say the definition of a Generalized anxiety disorders will obviously worry about forget anything so things like getting fired or getting dumped to Get a whole bunch of really. Would they call sensory motor stuff so I worry about forgetting to breathe or not being able to swallow or being constantly live to the rhythm of blinking and things like that so you have those initial worries and then what you do? Is You worry about those worries. This is slightly difficult concept to grasp. But it's the idea that your normal people might worry about. Not Sleeping Normal. Invited comments people like me. Worry we'll spend our whole lives worrying about not sleeping. Does that make sense? It's like a second order. Almost derivative of the original worry and then the third thing is guilt. Say you find this with people who suffer from anxiety disorders and depressive conditions. And things like that where you look at your life. And what on earth do I have to worry about? And of course the reality is nothing but it's a disease or disease but it's a condition something that exists outside of me and therefore it's not really my fault takes a while to get. How did you deal with everyday life through this? I would say in the in the initial I sort of five days a very badly so I was badly sleeping. I didn't see anyone So I I was couldn't sick to work. Actually that's not true. I did go in occasionally but I would get their run into the Lou after a few minutes. Run into the losing sort of burst into tears. Kind of thing and then make excuses shuffle. It stayed really bad for me for about a year and so after a couple of weeks I started to develop. I don't K- ping mechanisms but ways of seeming fine externally whilst crumbling entirely and so. It's something I talk about quite a lot in the book. Is this idea that you really can be fine. Externally and be disintegrating internally and lots of friends of sets me having read the book. I feel terrible that we didn't know we couldn't spots or didn't realize it was as bad as it was. You know you said you had a problem but it was. It was as bad as it was. And the answer is not not an partly consciously. You're trying to cover covered up because you don't want to be have a problem. You know wants to be problem but also because actually It that's just the nature of it. Is You know. Come for me. At least it's very real duality to it And so yes in your question Obviously a bit of a mess for the first couple of weeks and then after that I think I started to get better. It are the disguising it or living with. When did you decide? You want to shad this sort of writing about intending people about it. I was always really chatty about it and I think that is slow maybe slightly old for particularly blokes to to be open about it in a way. I was lucky it was as bad as as walls because I had to. I didn't have an option. You know when you will spending an hour of every day at work in the lose crying You'll boss get slightly suspicious. You know either. You've got a bowel complaint or a cocaine addiction or something that means you against the latest much and so eventually I had to. I I started talking about it with people and once you've said it once again it's just my experience but once spoken about it once it gets each time you did it gets easier and easier and then. I the writing of the book came. I had been talking to a friend. Who's a journalist so I used to work in advertising and I was talking to a journalist at the same newspaper and he'd had a similar problem to me and he suggested. Oh you should you should write about. This wasn't something I'd really considered but I pitched it to see to the Times newspaper. He published the article and we just had this incredible reaction to it so too. I mean hundreds of messages from people around the world and on the back of that someone else to a book so called anxious man at what you cover on it. We talk about all sorts. So it's kind of rooted in my own experience. I hope that it's funny book. So they're all jake's which isn't necessarily the most obvious is doesn't obviously make a A sort of topic will vector for telling jokes but it is humorous. But it's kind of starting from my own experience. What's it like to live through the moment that I described earlier? Where you wake up to realize that your mind has collapsed. What's it like to experience? full-scale disintegration of the mental faculty And then Haji about getting better and I'm convinced that the things that stop you from having one of these things in the first place are the same things that help you to get better and so. I hope that the book is of course helpful for people who've had this problem was similar problems. But if you haven't their lessons in there hopefully Would be helpful. We also look at interesting thing you know would pick around things like social media. We look at the new cycle and how that affects mental health. Sleep BLUES. Stuff about what? How did he pass me in terms of getting better? So I would say the the kind of anchor in me getting better and there's a number of different stages but primarily for me. It's been a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy Which doesn't what form but for me. It's just been incredible. Changing my relationship with alcohol completely. Say become a complete bowl. Well not a complete at that Aussie things like exercise Say fairly standard stuff I will say maybe in the most when you have a problem. That's as longtime or rather when you have a problem that is immediate is mine was like yours at the start. What was the trigger? You spend a whole lot of time trying to figure out okay. What's the exact thing that caused this problem? And actually I would say one of the key components of my own recovery is accepting the there may not be a particular trigger that this might just be completely random and once you've realized that you can let go of the search for the specific combination of things that make giving you anxiety and start to get better.