A highlight from Episode 197: Fellowship in Failure with Dr. Akua Boateng



You really went through that. I'm forever haunted by the person who told us that our intro was too long and they were annoyed about it. I literally am forever haunted by that one message. So I don't even remember that. Well, this is how you and I are different. You let things roll off your back and I absorb things like a spun. I think that's a thing that can be taught not to be not to get us totally off track, but I feel like I used to hold on to criticism or anything like that for a long time. And maybe it's just because now I have more going on in my brain, but I feel like I don't have the brain space for it. It just goes in and out. That's not to say it all goes in and out, but I would say a lot of it does. I'm impressed. It is not something I have. I have tried. I still think about the woman who hated my book so, so, so much that she wrote me a scathing email. Sometimes I think about Googling her to make sure she's okay. I mean, I still remember her because you sent me that email. I do, you know what, though, I do occasionally think about the woman who emailed excellent adventure 6 weeks post part when I was 6 weeks postpartum. To tell me that Matt and I were ungrateful and horrible people. Oh, God, Dorian. And that she was unsubscribing from the podcast. We had just really disappointed her. Yeah, I mean, sometimes these things they do stay with you, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But other times, I'm just like, eh, whatever. Like, someone talking about our interview being too long. Like right now, I'm actually deliberately drawing out already. This is again how we're different. Just to be annoying. I mean, you're secure in you're secure in doing things that if someone criticizes it you're like, this is how I want to do it. This is how I think is best. So I'm going to do it, whereas I do differential. Well, but I think, you know, I do try to think about what I think Joanna Goddard said this when we interviewed her a thousand years ago that even the most annoying criticism she tries to kind of objectively evaluate whether there's truth to it. Yes, yes, yes. That is valuable because I do think often might knee jerk instinct is to be like, I don't know what they're talking about. And then I'm like, well, okay, well, I mean, maybe there is some truth to this. Well, I will say, I'm sorry, I interrupted you. Do you want to go ahead? No, please. I will say what I do think is really good advice for people who have both of our personalities is to always take a beat. Because I feel like in the past four years, let's say we've been working on this podcast. And let's say we get some negative feedback. My immediate reaction is to have a meltdown over it. And yours is more like whatever. And then I think we take a beat and we're able to both process it a little bit in a more even place. Does that make sense? Taking a beat is probably the best advice in any time you receive something that you weren't expecting. You know, or that affects you differently. I didn't expect to get on this topic. Here I am. Here we are. I led us here. No, I did by speed I through the intro. No, no, it's me because you could tell I was rushing because in my brain is the I'm so sick of hearing you do this intro. But we do it because we do want because inevitably we do get questions of where can I find stuff? True. We try our best to please everybody. Yeah, but you know what? The problem when you try to okay, I actually going to disagree on you. I don't try my best to please everybody, because I think a trying to please everybody is way too exhausting. And B, when you try to please everybody, you end up pleasing. Nobody. Right, and this is the life lesson I've had to learn because as a people pleaser, I've been put on this earth to please everyone. I get it. I fully get it. Look, but I think sorry, I'm just going to keep going. Dig into the story. You know, I think that you do reach a sort of level of inner peace when you allow yourself to be disliked. I'm learning that I'm learning that. And I think part of it is knowing that I have a new book coming out and not everybody is having to accept the fact that people are going to hate it. Some people might think it's mediocre, some people might like it. Some people might love it. But just having to accept that is a really good practice because you're not like for my whole life all I've ever wanted is to make sure nobody hates me. That's my number one fear. So for example, when I got that email from the woman who hated the dead moms club so much and was like, told me she was offended by my book, I was like it was the worst thing to happen to me because it was like somebody was just like, I hate you, but having to kind of sit in that. I think you're right.

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