Restoring Trust, Gaslighting, What if I DO Know Better? You Say Impulsion and I Say Compulsion? Your Questions, Tony's Answers!
I'm going to answer all of your questions. We're going to cover topics like trust in marriage gaslighting. What do I do? If I truly believe that I know my spouse better than they do offer. What's the difference between an impulse and a compulsion that and so much more coming up on today's episode of the virtual couch off. Hey everybody Welcome to episode 227 of the virtual couch. I am your host Tony over by a I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist certified mindful have a coach writer speaker husband father-of-four ultra-marathon Runner and creator of the path back and online pornography recovery program that is helping people reclaim their lives from the harmful effects of pornography if off or anybody that you know is struggling to put pornography behind you once and for all and trust me, it can be done in a strength-based hold the shame become the person you always wanted to be way then head over to pass back recovery.com and there you will find a shorty booking. Describes five common mistakes that people make when trying to put pornography behind and once and for all and that's passed back recovery.com and I will try to make things very very simple. Just go to Tony over bay.com sign up to find out all kinds of exciting things about marriage my marriage course coming up my magnetic marriage course and some things about faith crisis and things about becoming a better parent and all of those things at Tony over bay.com. And if you feel so inclined head over to Instagram at virtual couch have a couple of folks working behind the scenes that are doing incredible work and putting up more quotes and things from Individual episodes. And so there's a lot more there to take a look at so that is all of the business. So let's get to today's topic. I've been promising a question-and-answer for many many moons and I continue to be grateful and overwhelmed by the amount of email and questions that I get and I've said in the past I would like to do this more often maybe once a month once a quarter and then I just have so many other topics that I want to suck. To that. I continually push off the question-and-answer but there are really good some good questions today. So I want to get right to it. And I guess I did say that I was done with the business but I have to tell you that I have bought a new software program. That's pretty incredible and I am going to link to it in the show notes. It's a product called descript and it truly is mind-blowing. When I am done with this audio file of this episode today. I will upload this audio file into descript within a few minutes. I will get a written transcription that is a machine-generated transcription and I will select an option that says 5,000 filler words and my mind will be blown as it will show me about probably in a half an hour or 40 minute episode a hundred times. When I say as a matter of fact, I will I'll have to not edit out that so you go in and you can just delete the word in the text and the audio transcript and then when you save the transcript at the job Of your editing then it spits out a new audio file that is now without the Oz and the Oz and I also have noticed and I didn't realize I did this I stutter a fair amount. I say a word and then I immediately say the word again and the descript software takes that out as well. It will recognize where I say the same thing twice and I can simply hit delete so I don't know how they do it. It's Witchcraft and Wizardry magic, but it's incredible. And so if you have your own podcast or if you are recording something for a class, I don't know. There's got to be a lot of different things where you can use something like this, but go follow the link and just go explore and try this new software because it's kind of incredible mind-blowing and makes me sound a lot smarter on a podcast episode. So I just wanted to get that out there. Okay, let's go to the first question and maybe this will help if you want to send a question and you're worried that I'm going to say your name or that sort of thing. I'm going to go. Therapist confidentiality with the question so I'm not even going to say initials or so and so from wherever they are wrote. So first question, what do you do? If you honestly do know more about your husband or wife then they know about themselves, how can you stop from saying but you're wrong you don't honestly think that and so I really I'm so grateful for this question because this is I have so many thoughts about this is this is something that I see in therapy often. I won't say on a daily basis, but pretty close where I have a couple in my office and they're learning the the ability to open up and be vulnerable and the spouse will turn to the other and honestly say you don't really think that I know you don't think that but do you and I'm speaking to the spouse that says I know my let's say, okay. I'm going to just try to make this less confusing. Let's say that the wife is the one in this scenario that says no I I know my husband better than he knows himself.