If I Had To Start Sober From Day One,This Is What Id Do
That's going to be the topic today and we're going to get there in a few minutes but I I have a shoutout. I was walking with my girlfriend the other day. And while I when I say walk I mean an exercise walk it's five miles huge inclines not a leisurely walk so we were walking and talking through some business stuff and if any of you guys have seen any of my facebook live videos recently you know. I have been a bit grumpy. Corona virus dragging me down a lot of business of going on employees. Not Working out trying to figure out next steps and it's all even more overwhelming now because the quarantine were not working under a normal set of circumstances and I've been a grumpy and finally I started to come out of it. I got clarity on a few things. I got into action and figured out solutions to some of the struggles and once I got through kind of the muck and I got through feeling bad which really lasted a few weeks. By the way it was not necessarily quick but once I started to get through I was looking back over the journey of the last couple of years. Like the PODCAST. The beginning in really reminds me a lot of my sobriety right. I was totally committed. I didn't really know what I was doing. I continued to take steps every single day toward my goal and I took direction and I kind of let it unfold in front of me and when I look back I'm like Holy Crap Dude. Some parts of that journey were really frigging hard. You know and I'm so grateful I stuck it out. I'm so grateful that I didn't give up because the rewards are so good so I was being a bit nostalgic about addiction unlimited and I was kind of walking through with my girlfriend and I realized something really important like the only thing that has gotten me through the last year for sure. Is My facebook group just like my age group is what got me through sobriety. It's the connection and being able to feel the love in having a place to be of service. I know I think you guys all the time for being part of that facebook group and for supporting one another and supporting me. But I really wouldn't have made it without you guys like that's the truth if I didn't have that space to talk to you guys directly into ask questions and have fun. I don't know if I would have survived the loneliness of just recording podcast and posting them you know like I am really grateful for our community and your willingness to show up for me and for each other to be a community to offer guidance and share resources and share your thoughts about your own sobriety. It has been amazing. So that's my shoutout today. You guys in that group have changed my life in have had such an impact on me and the podcast and everything. I couldn't do it without you. You fueled me when I was lonely. You ask questions when I didn't know what to talk about. You just loved me as I found my way and I will be forever grateful for that for sure and I'm not grumpy anymore for now but that's my shoutout really is to the facebook group. Because I just. I don't think I could've survived everything. If I didn't have that group where I could really interact with you guys as a real person you know It's just been amazing so thank you love. Love Love you guys. So what would I do if I was starting sobriety from one and needed to feel better fast if you are sitting in early sobriety or in a Rut in your recovery? This is definitely the conversation for you. I thought would be super helpful to give you the real deal. Nobody S no fluff on. What sober life activities? You should focus on if you wanNA start feeling better as fast as possible. Listen I love you guys not going to sugarcoat anything? I think you've figured that out by now. I'm going to be honest with you. You know building sustainable. Sobriety takes hard work and consistency. And I know in the beginning. It's not Super Fun. It feels hard. You don't know exactly what to do in your spinning your wheels. So I'm sharing with you what I did to start putting together my first few days and months of sobriety in hopes that it helps you. Start stringing together your own days weeks and months of sobriety as you know. I had a lot of challenges when I got sober. I was physically broken from my accident. I had no money and all my bills words you. I had a ton of legal trouble hanging over my head. I didn't really know about treatment like that. It existed but I thought it was just four famous people but I knew I had to do something because just sitting around my apartment obsessing about my self created drama was definitely not going to get me sober. I had no money. No coach no motivation. I couldn't even get off the couch most of the time and all I knew like so many people was a and I guess really when I got sober. There weren't a lot of other options in general right like now. There's all these other programs and all these people are popping up online and whatever but none of that existed when I got sober so all I knew was A. I didn't know anything about a all I knew is. That's where people went when they didn't want drink anymore and I needed to be a person who didn't drink anymore so I went. I had no direction or guidance but I had the desire to be a sober person and that desire is what drove me to show up every day for myself. This was not about anyone but me. 'cause there's my family in the people that love me it's nice not to be the fucked up one in the family anymore. You know. It's nice to be liked and respected and it's nice that everybody doesn't roll. There is the minute I walk in the room because they know I suck up all the energy but I wasn't doing it for them. I was doing it for me because I was tired of feeling like a loser. I was tired of being a piece of shit. Not Feeling like a P. O. S. but being a P O s because my actions and my choices on a daily basis. Were those of a shitty person. I was exhausted and I was so worn out from trying to keep up with myself and I know you guys know that feeling just like trying to keep up with yourself like it's exhausting and it felt like I was a moving target even for myself. I was a moving target. I couldn't sit still. I think because I was so uncomfortable with myself I didn't like me. I had zero respect for me and the last thing I wanted to do was sit still and engage with the committee. You know exactly what I'm saying. It's like the moment you relaxed the committee kicks in and it's usually the anxiety voice that kicks in first for me telling me about all the things. I have to worry about and all the things I don't know what to do about and then it's the self esteem voice telling me all the things I did wrong or telling me how weak I am telling me. I can't do it or it's too hard or it's overwhelming or I won't be successful then it's insecurity voice. Will I be O K A will anyone? I love support me. Will my friends not like many more? Will I fail in disappoint myself again and those are just a few of the voices you know but when I sat still those voices were loud and clear and this is what I mean when I tell you guys to stay busy and don't sit around spending quiet time with the committee. You have to do things to distract the committee. You have to be taking in other information so it has something to talk about so it doesn't turn on you in. This is the first thing I want to talk about if I was starting over from day. One the first thing I would work on is my head the committee and I think inadvertently I did this in a couple away without knowing it right. Of course all of this is clear to me because it's years down the road. I can look back on it and I can see it all very clearly now in the moment. I didn't know that I was doing these things but I think I started with my head one. I knew for a long time that I needed to quit drinking. So all the thoughts about it were swirling around in my head for a while. I was thinking about it. I was mulling it over kind of getting used to the idea and I had taken a couple of breaks from drinking which further proved. I needed to quit for good because both times I started drinking again. I actually drink worse than when I took the break. So the thoughts of sobriety had been floating around in my head for some time also. Before I went to my first meeting I had been laid up in the house for a week right contemplating my life and what the F. I was doing so I crashed my car like I have my car accident. You guys know that story. I crashed my car on a Wednesday at like one. Am So like Tuesday night Wednesday morning at one am. That's when I crashed. I got home from the hospital around seven. Am I laid around Wednesday Thursday and Friday detoxing and dealing with my whole face being busted up then? I drank again that Friday night after my car accident. I knew I never wanted to drink again. I was so angry at myself. I was so distraught and humiliated and scared to death and I knew I was done drinking but I let some people talk me into going out that Friday night. We bought concert tickets several weeks before. Obviously having no idea I was going to crash and quit drinking right and they wanted me to still go to the concert and I should say. Also these were not friends. They were not people. I knew well that I spent a lot of time with it was a Guy. I think I kind of liked. I think I had a crush on him or I was thinking about liking him. Maybe I don't remember exactly. But it was him who was a friend of a friend and it was his cousin and his wife. We're going with us right so kind of a double date. I think. Honestly you guys. I can't even tell you these people's names so like I did not know them well and I wanna be clear about that because it was the first mistake. I made in this series of decisions. I was going to hang out with people who didn't care about me right. We weren't friends they didn't care about my best interest. It was all about having fun. I thought they would understand that. I wasn't drinking because I just had this horrible accident but that didn't turn out to be the case and it's a crazy story. I felt trapped. I didn't drive myself so I had no way to leave I was an hour from home so a cab wasn't an option. I had already burned all the bridges of my friends. Picking me up at the hospital or the police station and I was.