"Why it hurts when your friend is better than you at your thing comes from a psychologist named Abraham tester in the nineteen eighties. Tests came up with what's called the self evaluation maintenance theory, it's based on two elements. I people behave in a way that will help them maintain a positive image of themselves and second a person's relationships have a substantial impact on that self image. Basically you want to see yourself in a positive light. But your friends can have a big impact on the way you see yourself. Whether it's good or bad. It's easy to have a good time and feel good about a stranger accomplishing something. You're good at because you're less likely to compare yourself. And it's great when a friend is good at something. You're not good at two. But when a close friend does well at something, you do have an interest in or worse, something that makes up your identity. You're gonna have a bad time. Fortunately, tester came up with four ways to cope with this. Although they're not all good. The first method is to distance yourself from your. And if your best bud beats unit audition, then either spend less time together or try to focus on the ways the two of you are different. Not so good for the friendship, though. The second method is to change your own self definition, maybe concert band, isn't your thing. So you focus on jazz or focus on something completely different. Like how good you are on the soccer team the third option, which we do not condone is to undercut your friend, basically, either sabotage them or brood about why your friend has an unfair advantage like more time to practice or more money for better private lessons, the fourth and final option do better next time you can cope by trying even harder to get good at that thing. Your pal showed you up in through it all just try to remember that your friends I and friends support each other whether they're killing it or they're lagging a little behind"