S2 E15: Its Complicated with Coeur de Pirate
Okay China so a few weeks ago you posted on twitter and instagram. A poll but I thought was really gutsy. You asked her followers. If you should bother to have sex ever again. Yes and I thought it said a lot about where you're in your life. I have meant it kind of half. Jokingly you know I love the fantasy of sex and in many ways my life I feel like the fantasy has never fully lived up or the reality has never lived up to the fantasy but so my constant struggle L. is is my desire to have sex ever actually strong enough to go through everything I need to go through in order to have it. It requires a kind of mental preparation. It requires a physical preparation just like shaving my legs and how do you need to prepare mentally for. Yeah well I think for me. The mental preparation is the idea that I am going to have to spend a certain number of hours now with someone that I've never met before I'm such a total introvert for it and so for me meeting someone for the first time especially knowing that there's a good chance you're gonNA have sex with them is just this experience for me. That freaks freaks me out a little bit because it requires so much vulnerability on my part. It's not a casual process for me. I feel there's so much to unpack. Had it been a long longtime since your last sexual relationship when posted that hadn't hadn't had sex in a year. Okay Yeah obviously my celibacy is by choice right onto the matters. I mean if I can't get late I can't get laid but in my case it's a choice. I don't want a one night stand anymore and I don't necessarily want a relationship but I want I want there to a. b. an actual connection. I want to actually be chemistry. I WanNa feel like whoever I'm going to be with. Is Worthy of that moment with force you you know I. It should be like that you know in my year of Celibacy like I'm flirting with men. I'm talking with men. I'm having sexual dialogue with men but I'm not meeting your the next thing is all. I'm saying yeah exactly and like for a long time. That's been enough like I get my kicks like I get the satisfaction of having hot men. Sort Board of Drool over me which I love. I love sexual attention. There is an exhibition EST side of me that there's there's a Webcam girl inside there is for sure. Honestly if I wasn't so lazy idea sex worker I'm positive it's the hardest word in a hardest hardest time consuming but I've always been drawn to showing off and I like being objectified. I really fucking Levitt. It turns me on more than physical touch honestly but lately I have been craving the next level I have been craving physical so now are you back on the market well so the poll. The people was the result of a folk. It was very close to some people. Were like never have sex again. Yeah wow it was like fifty if almost fifty fifty so I did decide I was going to give grinder. A- shot awhile which for anyone who's still will doesn't know grinder basically like a gay hookup APP. I mean I know. People find other types of relationships. Don't think it's exclusively sex but in the the last year it's also become a place for trans people to meet people because you can on the APP you can sort of choose your tribe and you're a group of people looking for the same tribe the offer you a list of tribes like your feature of the year. The word try try. Your profile is featured in that tribe. So there's the Trans tribe. The twinkie tribe live the Daddy. Try All of these. I don't mean to sound like a gay uncle. It's just that I use a different APP wrestling but I but it's hard hard for trends identifying apple. Tony Call people that they want to me. You Know How do you call people who are interested in transpeople sexually. I've heard the term. I'm Trans Amorous a lot which I like. I like a lot. But it's hard to find trans. Amorous people predominantly at least towards trans females the trends Amherst demographic tends to be straight men. Okay but straight men you know our probably probably not very conflicted about this at all. They're super relax. But straight men really do freak out about their their attraction to translate and it makes it very difficult for translate into date because these men tend to not want to date for them. Were just sort of sexual objects. Jackson were sort of allowing them to fulfill a sexual fantasy. And there's not really much feeling even though clearly. The potential for feeling is there. But what's Great. What about the Trans tribe on Grindr is that it's not just straight man? There's a lot of by men. Okay openly bisexual men and Pan Sexual men which is a much better survived because as a trans female like my dating and sex experiences have been has basically been exclusively with straight men right and it has not been positive and it has not been. I'm good. Oh it's crazy because I feel like this man we'd take so much space in the queer community and then straight men are so conflicted about you know getting involved with Trans Women. That doesn't leave a lot of room sexual and by men dozen and I think it's still these are still identities and sexualities. That are misunderstood still to this day. I mean we. You spoke about Margaret Show when we had her on the show that so many people still don't believe that bisexuality is the thing right and pen sexual means that you're attracted to all gender nder expression so for example. If I were transsexual I might find myself attracted to assist gendered man assist rendered woman. I might also find myself attracted to trans lamented woman to transplant. Someone who's Androgynous or non binary I mean basically means I'm open to it all. Which is the future you know By joined hurt art. What happened sort of instantly like I like my profile was popping? I was like flooded with messages. Wow Wow all kinds of messages I mean ranging from the absolutely disgusting that like so many people don't even say hi they just opened with the Dick PIC which I'm not opposed to kind of like to know what's going on right off the bat but I mean just to not even say hi I. I reached the maximum number number of people. You can block in a day in the first day. That's the thing. Yeah on the free access a certain number block in a day so I reached the maximum the first day but I also like started exchanging with a lot of promising interesting people one. Why did actually meet eat like pretty quickly okay? I don't know I just had a good feeling about this person I was like. Let's meet tomorrow which I never usually draw things out usually. I'm talking for like like two weeks before set up a meeting and then yeah the year celibacy came to an end was it. It was amazing. It was honestly you really amazing and just really positive and it was the first time in a long time. That actually felt comfortable with someone sexually like I felt like I felt just I think he is by. I know Pan I think would be probably more accurate and so I think that the idea of being with a pen sexual man is that it also alleviates this pressure of me of having to to perform like perfect femininity Because I know that they're also sexually drawn to me. You know men not that I'm a man but like I just there is when you're with someone who's open to all gender expressions from me anyway just resulted in this feeling of freedom in the moment and this like. I don't need to worry about what I looked like right now. And that was the first time that I've ever experienced that with someone sexually and I think that feeling of freedom allowed me to really be actually enjoy it while so it was like it was really highly good night and then we did it again. A few days later listening right now probably.