A highlight from Michele Borba

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Book is thriving irs the surprising reason why some kids struggling others shine michelle with one l. borba brb dot com b. o. Rbi and twitter amazon borba and instagram at dr michelle borba. She has authored over twenty. Four books and They've i i. She and i have known each other for a long time and making the rounds on various shows where she has been a very important resource. Dr burma welcome to see you. Thank you good to see you too. So i have mentioned that. You're in the middle of a book tour. So i didn't want to stress you out anymore but i sure i'm sure i have to say take me through. What's what am i gonna find. Thrive what am i gonna. You know what. I've written a number of books i have to tell you. This book has taken me thirty years to write. Because i knew it had to be really scientific based and i think it took me way back when i started looking at. I don't know if you've ever seen this research but it was profound. It was any werner's research in the island of kawai and she was trying to figure out why some kids struggle and other shine so she found this huge cohort of kids. Lot of them were faced with enormous poverty sexual abuse physical abuse but she studied the same kids and to celebrate halfway through it for some reason a third of them were bouncing back and making despite it will then. An master's work came and another guy norm demands. All of these researchers said. There's something going on here that were overlooking the takeaway. I discovered his thrives are made not born. It's not locked into your dna. It's a teachable traits. And that's what drivers is resetting the the notion on parenting. That we've gotta help our kids get beyond just knowing that they're good in terms of gpa and test scores but have some coping skills that they can handle a very uncertain world right now. So you use the word. Coping is that include or is that a broader term above and beyond what i would call affect regulation when i think about zillions the ability to regulate emotions and coping part of that with every accurate. You're right on the mark because did is identified that the commonalities of thrive irs are seven traits. No kid is going to have all seven. But you've got to figure out where your child is. And they're all teachable. So it's the foundation we already know. Is that confidence. Level of the kid knows what his strengths and weaknesses are then comes empathy or that ability to get along with somebody. So it's more we not me. That took a dive when terms of covid and the lonely factors came in the third under self control which would fit in perfectly to what you just said that ability to regulate and sing straight and put a lid on the emotions before that went over the top Integrity seem to be very interesting. I i wasn't expecting that one but it seems that drivers know what they stand for. So when push comes to shove they had that mental ability also to be able to keep on going through. I'm going to go back on all of these but really quick then integrity does that also. Is you say it. I'm thinking yeah. That is kind of odd that would be in there. But maybe if it also is a sign of a sense of self worth looking more complete sense of who i am and therefore i live by that. Yes i know who i am. I know what i stand for. So when push comes through the bumps in the road. This kid doesn't have to witness and wherever he goes. Okay here's what i am and it takes a stress down to be able to keep on going and curiosity was the one i loved that these kids have a more open-ended mindset so when there's a problem they're open to ideas and possibilities in our at dumbfounded they find a way around it then comes persevering. I think many parents are going. Why doesn't the kid have the grip now. And it's like if you don't have some of these other ones you're going to tank. That's what's happening to us. All the final one is optimism. You have a hopeful outlook so you can keep on going up. The most interesting thing was they kept coming up highly correlated to not only school peak performance in school but also life that they were all teachable. But i also discovered there's a multiplier effect. I always thought it was. Let's just helped the kid learn self control or the optimism. But i found if you put any to those together. It multiplies the outcome. So the kid is far more likely to keep on going. And i don't care which to it is any better than one And as a result you've got a kid who's going to be able to handle that adversity a little more and keep on thriving or saying i got this. I only count six here. We i think we missed one. Empathy empathy self control integrity. Curiosity confidence is number. One self confidence. I slipped right past it. Okay which would mean. We're on the same page on that one. It's a self. Understanding of who. I am and what i stand similar similar to integrity but it doesn't necessarily have a value structure. Be that i love. I love basketball. I really good at art. But i'm not so good at at music. It's that awareness of my who which seems to be university of chicago so critical to helping the kids find their path or their purpose of their flow. And you know what that bits to. While i was doing this and combing the research i did the best thing i ever did which was interview kids at. Ask one hundred kids. You know what's going on. i understand you. The most stressed out generation all of them said despite just a phenomenal. iq's gpa's four point in the seven point threes. They said they were running on empty. And they didn't have some of these skills. Or at least when i said so. What are your hobbies and interests. They looked at me dumbfounded. Like what is that. They weren't able to decompress imagining that leads to depression. And other things later yup

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