When Your Kid Shuts You Out

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

When psychologists think about emotions and especially when we think about negative emotions. We don't ever think about like how to get rid of them like that's not really what we think is actually possible or necessary what we're always interested in but we've done a terrible job of sharing with everybody else is what we call. Emotional regulation and regulation is basically a two part process. Which is that sometimes. You regulate emotions by expressing them right talking about what you're feeling and sometimes you regulate emotions by containing them. You know kind of shutting them down a little while which sounds like a bad thing but can really be a good thing. Like if you're you know really really worried about something in your getting stuck in your thinking and you're not feeling better the more you think about it taking a break distracting yourself is probably a good idea what i get to in the peace and what comes up in. This question is the issue of extremes or when kids need help so sometimes kids need help containing emotion so we might say you know what i. Don't you just leave this loan for a little while. come back. We'll talk about it later. And then their kids like this one in the letter who need help expressing emotion bringing their emotions across to get some relief and we really do feel that way. You know we talk and we have all these terms like getting things off your chest airing it out. You know like you know dumping your feelings. There is something in those terms that gets at a real thing about how it's not good for us to carry around distress. It's not good to keep it all stuff down that there's true benefit in getting stuff. That's on the inside and putting it on the outside because usually it just feels better when you're not harboring it so much but it's not easy nice. Couldn't doesn't work in every family. It's not easy and especially if teens are known for sort of clamming up not wanting to talk to you what do you find. Works to get them to open up. I'm guessing it's not ice cream if it's not ice cream you got to have something else. So let's think about the something else. Okay so the giant heading on all of this is don't put them in the hot seat right. I think that this you know this mom writing she says to his kitto. Like how's it going. What's going on doesn't get an answer and she's like should i keep asking. I would say no right. You're already getting a pretty clear signal from the kid that like. They feel on the hot seat with that. And you know a kid who doesn't wanna talk about feelings putting them in the hot seat saying to them like. Tell me what's going on. I'm really curious doesn't work as much as we wish. It would

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