Looking After My Son
Looking back on it now with such mation on the judges didn't have a back fan was during my exams or the buildup towards them was when my first depressive episode happened but geez lawrence and just sort of the steak today with depression mental health in general. I just wasn't stay with it. I didn't know what was happening to me. Sort of it really much. Take hold that. Perhaps it wouldn't. If i had more knowledgeable than subjects. So what happened when you go to that kind of dog point. If he weren't getting help. What was the kind of okay. This is going really badly. How did you eventually get will be time sick from. It was definitely depressed upset but it wasn't as low as it would eventually. I didn't get help really Was sleeping sixteen hours a day minimum. Not doing any revision. Just doing the minimum betty during existent Doing anything by gency helping period. I just sort of slept to off until university came around. And then what happening. Investing i fell in fell quickly. Just through the cracks self medicating with alcohol wasn't leaving my bed for any reasons stopped attending lectures and just one of normality of life really. Was there any supposed interest at you'll university to fill people who is struggling with mental house and if so what was that i tend to two universities and the second one was that was a lot more fucked in the first one. The first one was helmets number. Interestingly the first university didn't have look so sides the second one i attended as highest suicide rate in the country and not when did have more provisions in place but at the same time that was long waiting lists in muscle Overstretched and yeah and you go to like Place with things What she sort of. What was this sort of the the lowest points i guess. Lowest point was living in a studio apartment by myself just completely gave up. I can see an officer named Tomorrow and a described as adults missing one. I just didn't i just gave up. I wasn't eating drinking. I didn't even feel fast. I so my body would just give me at that stage without further action required. I would just die. And that'd be that i've been the in the sort of weeks up to that moment. Looking out the window was almost a treat but what stay time picked as a young is about policy but at this stage day night muddled into one. Obviously sleeping farmer was than i was awake. I had left my bed in in a long time. And everything just sort of Quite time even before. I was depressed for him. The quiz ups. Nobody expects anything of you is just in perfect. Stillness mayo phones. Looking to ring you can just be that. Creates an environment was for him at all times without so thinking long term consequences. That would be so. You're living away from your parents. This point amanda. Did you have any kind of sense of what was kind of going on with your son in. How did you find out. I didn't have any sense of trudy. What was going on. I thought josh was one of two things either. Having such a great time at university Living adrenal doing things we hoped for centralizing and having this marvelous time that he was too busy to respond to attacks so too busy having a great time all i thought that might be something going on and he didn't want our hell or interference. He'd rather do what you should don which was closed down speaker stuff out And i felt intrusive every time i said. How are you. are you coming to. Can we visit to get such a or not responsible. Felt my slight guy was some bothering him. And i didn't really know. I didn't know one hundred percent didn't know the level to which he saw coming when we found out he's living conditions will ferry patriot. He he was just like a shadow of himself. It wasn't like josh. It was like whatever made him gave me spark his character. Who had gone for babies is which is completely black. He was very very bad way. I do social king to say because we didn't we didn't know how far he sunken. How quick so how did you actually find out. Was the particular instance. I'm just to jewish out. What actually happened against is announcing. I didn't reach out the lowest moment Details had a methods to end my life on my stepfather just failing. Just something wasn't quite right. I hadn't hadn't really retaining. Kohl's hadn't been applying techs and he just came to my flop which was about two hour drive but luckily you said a hundred just came and he came up to my front door. I did on his face just sort of said it orally i i had washed weeks. The bedsheets had been washed in months like kabaddi chimera. I saw demonized version of myself.