How to be Brilliantly Resilient After Life's Sucker Punches with Mary Fran Bontempo and Kristin Smedley
We're talking about how to be brilliantly resilient after life's sucker punches and we've all gotten psycho punches over the years fire nation and. Let's start with kristen. Where specifically did brilliantly resilient first of all your brilliantly resilient. It's it's when like you said john you get hit with a sucker punch and brilliant. Resilient people will be stunned maybe even knocked down ouch with. They're not knocked out. And mary. Fran and i have been sucker punched over and over again in life and then we came together by well you might say by accident but we know that the universe kind of aligns things for us right and when we started talking we realize that both of us had gotten knockdown not knocked out and we each had things that we did that were similar or exactly the same to reset our mindset in our lives rise with some really special parts of the formula and then the key we found that our skills and talents our brilliance. If you will just charted us on this whole new trajectory that we did incredible things because of those sucker punches it was pretty extraordinary and fire nation. And what that. I've really been diving into a lot recently. Stoicism and know the whole philosophy behind. That is doing what you can where you are with what you have. Because listen if we're going to dwell in the past and we're gonna look at our past sucker punches in just like let that dictator future than what kind of future do we have. Yes is a great to learn from our past mistakes past cycle punches absolutely to maybe adjust pivots going forward in the future but at the same time. It's like let's be here and the now and let's be brilliantly resilient after the sucker punches any positive way going forward and i love what you to have done together is. You've taken brilliantly. Resilient in you've broken out into three very specific parts which are reset rise in reveal your brilliance and i really wanna go through these three parts right now in a very chronological way. So mary fran. Why don't you start us off by talking about reset so the reset is this part. Where you kind of find yourself. Suddenly laying on the ground looking up at the sky going. What the heck just happened. The reset is what happens. When you get this sucker punch whatever it may be. It can be personal. It can be professional. You know we don't we. Don't judge over here. It can just be kind of being pecked to death by the little things of life you know so whatever you are sucker punch or train wreck would be. That's the part where you get to reset. And that is the part where you're inherent in this key. Inherent resilience comes in. You know we hear so much about resilience these days and everybody thinks it's this kind of nebulous thing that's out there that they don't have it's in you. You were born with it so when we talk about the reset it is resetting with resilience that you already have you know when you were you. Were a kid you you you learn to walk by continually failing but you didn't name it that at the time so you know it's there it's something that we can immediately rely on and with the reset. We have a couple of things that we talk about. We talk about a value system which is hugely important. We talk about your perspective and we talk about controlling the controllables but the values pieces the one that i think we wanna focus on right now right k. Yeah yeah. I'll actually if i can give a quick story with my own Sucker punch i was. I headed fully planned my life out of listeners out there that are chuck in those boxes every day and you get a real thrill from that and i got hit with my first. Two babies were born blind. That was nowhere in my preparation. But what i learned is it was the my perception blindness was the block in our life not blindness itself. If you can imagine it was how i was looking at it in terms of devastation of settlement fear and when i changed my perception then my boys and i and my cited daughter started on a trajectory of allowing them to achieve greatness. They were destined for but what happened to me personally in my own work and business and launching a nonprofit in the meeting with mary fran and doing brilliantly. Resilient is there. Were some core values in in how i live my life that once i aligned my parenting my business my nonprofit to those core values then the exponential success started any new core. Values are actually so important for you to establish which. I never would have thought this before. I really sat and studied it but it is so important that there was actually an episode of e o fire in december that was dedicated to core values. That they are that important. And i think mary has a few more things to add on on values. Yeah i mean one of the things. That i think is so profound. Is that these giant sucker punches. They knock you for such a loop that it takes so much away from you. It takes away your plans. It takes away your goals. It takes away your purpose but it takes away your identity. You know you define yourself in a certain way and then something happens. I found out on mother's day of twenty ten that my son was a heroin addict. I mean up to that point. I had an idea of who i was and where i fit in the world and where i was going to go in that moment all of that disappears but when you dig deep in those moments and when you're flat on your back that's when you get to do it you dig deep and figure out what your core values are. That's the beginning of your foundation for every rise. That comes after that. So there's a lot of powerful things. These leisure shared fire nation. I mean one thing that i really honed in on for any number of reasons is the phrase that mary fran used which is controlling the controllables and to me. That's actually very comforting phrase. Because listen things are outside of our control. I mean what are we really going to be stressing out about. I mean let's be honest. Chris and didn't have within her control. What happens when her children were born blind. But what does she then shift to after that. Initial you know struggle and shock while she shifted to controlling the controllables now. She has a nonprofit now. She's moving forward with us now. She has such a better understanding because she just said you know what. I'm going to sit here and this moment. I'm going to control what i can control these controllable variables. So there's a lot to be thought about under this reset section and fire nation. We may be kind of dipping back into these as we proceed forward but the next part is rise so mary fran what do we have with this section in the rise you wanna look at and again as you said j. l. d. all the stuff kind of works together in the rise. You wanna look at what you can actually do. And this is not living in the land of magical thinking here this. Is you know what we want. And and what we can do are often very different things but the things that help you figure out what you can do. The rise is all about the action step but the things that go into that are what are your resources. What is your skillset. And the big one for us is who is in your tribe and you know very often when we think of our tribe we think of what christian calls the ride or die folks. You know the ones who are with you your first level contacts. Who are your biggest cheerleaders and while those are the people that you definitely need in your tribe. They are not always the ones who are going to help you rise. Because they're often the ones who want a stroke your head and say poor baby when sometimes what you really need is a kick in the butt or somebody who's got a better or a resource that is not within your immediate tribe so we really encourage people to expand that tribe so you can figure out what your action step is gonna because it's all about the action.