What Does Real Friendship Look Like? How to Create & Strengthen Friendships - burst 1
Lessons. So today I wanted to talk about what real friendship looks like. And I find that we can think about what real love looks like, we can tell someone, no, that's not what real love is about. Real love is this real love walks talks, acts like this. But what does real friendship look like? You know, is it coming from a place where you need them to nurse certain things inside of you that hasn't been healed? Things that you know you need to work on, but they're so good at it that they almost enable you to give you a pass so you don't have to work on those issues because they give it to you freely. They have it in abundance. Like if they're just super confident and you lack confidence, you don't have to work on it because they have enough for you. So the relationship works because you have something that you can get from them. What does friendship really look like? Thinking back, I had a few fallouts and in my case, it wasn't so much like there was any argument or anything. They just dropped off and I had to have a true moment with myself, like listen, don't worry about what it sounds like, talk straight. And I would compare it, you know, to a wise counsel and then they'll be like, yo, the common thread is, look at what they're doing and what you're doing and look at what they're not doing, and I didn't want to get into that and, you know, trip off of, you know, my ambitions versus anyone else, I just know I showed up as who I was and it just didn't work out. And I had to understand that there are different scenarios why things don't work out. Sometimes it is you sometimes it's not you sometimes someone knows they can't bring anything else to the table or at that place or they don't want to. Sometimes they're annoyed at your evolution. They're not interested or it's intimidating by where are you going? Last week you were into, you know, drinking till you pass out. Now this week, you're meditating. And just one glass of wine, or what have you, and friendship is something that we just kind of accept, but we don't really filter out. And when we do it's either too late or we just, we just don't do it in time, sometimes. And I just want to know what does it look like for you? Is it someone who's always there, someone who always attends your events? Does that mean they're a friend? Someone who listens to you problems, you get to crown their shoulder, you pick up every phone call. Does that make you a friend? Because there are a lot of things that it can serve both of you very well. You can get an ego boost. It can make you feel better, knowing that you are dependent upon to be there for someone for them to cry on your shoulders, but are you happy? Are you satisfied in the friendship? And I think a lot of times people want to figure things out without expressing themselves. And I don't understand how that can ever work without someone knowing how you feel, so to me, a friend, you know, understands the dynamics and understands what the friend can handle when how much they can handle it and sometimes there's some things you just have to work out on your own or wait till it's the appropriate time to talk if you don't have regard for that then maybe you're really not a friend, maybe you're more concerned with hearing yourself speak but a friendship it goes both ways. A real friendship is not textbook. It's not like a hallmark movie sometimes you need space, sometimes it's almost like a platonic marriage, you know? I'm not going to say that because it's going to start an argument. I'm going to bite my tongue because I know how this is going to end up. But you give each other grace. That's a real friendship. You give each other grace and it's not about just waiting to one day, okay, three strikes, and then I'm going to blow up and throw everything in their face. Then you're not a friend. Because you have an opportunity as they do to express yourself. Why are you waiting until you've reached the boiling point to now all of the sudden bring up everything that annoyed you. So you were just waiting on that moment. So have reasonable expectations for each other and talk about it from time to time. Or, you know, it really doesn't have to be a thing. It really doesn't have to be something that takes away from having a good laugh and enjoying each other's company. Read the room. Read the temperature. No when to say something when not to say something. What is your motivation for expressing what you feel right now? Is it going to hurt the person? Is it going to help make the situation better? Are you going to be a cheerleader or are you going to sit on the side and just be a critic? You know, is it something that they need to stop right now what they're doing just to hear you speak? Or can it wait? Grace. Friendship to me is grace. Grace for the imperfections, grace for, I'm going to maybe hurt your feelings one day and I didn't mean to do it. Grace is about forgiving, I'm sorry I didn't show up in the way that you needed me to show up. But nothing has changed about how I feel about you. Grace is about I was wrong. I just wanted my own way. I just, I don't know what took over me. That's being a little stubborn. We're missing grace. It's antibiotic expectations and being a perfect person. Or being a mind reader and knowing what this person is thinking all the time. It's about saying, you know, this is all I got. I did my best. Or you know what? I don't feel my best right now, and I need you to understand that. Being a good friend is not about doing everything right. It's just about doing your best. Being yourself, loving and embracing someone the way you would want them to do for you. Giving them space when they need it. Allowing people to come to their own conclusion without trying to control the narrative for your advantage and for their disadvantage. Friends, if you are lucky to have someone see you as a friend as you see them, are worth treasuring their worth, appreciating.