When Friendships Change


Hey y'all thanks so much for joining me for session. One fifty four of the therapy for black girls podcast today. You WanNA spend some time chatting about what to do when we find ourselves in friendships. That are changing. When we're young and life is less complicated. Friendships are maintained by things. Like play dates sitting together at lunch and late night. Gav sessions until someone falls asleep as we get older and they're more demands on our time and energy friendships become a little more difficult to maintain we move get partnered. Become parents. Life continues to happen. I think that the thing that's most important to remember about the life cycle of a friendship is that it's normal for things to shift as we change so do the relationships where a part of but often when we send things changing instead of it alerting us that we need to shift with it. It results in US feeling like something is irreparably damaged and should be discarded. You heard Dr Oriole Woah. I discussed the importance of having difficult conversations on session. One fifty one of the podcast a couple of weeks ago and that's often the first step that needs to happen when we noticed a change in our friendships many times the changes in our friendships are ones. We can foresee things like moving becoming apparent etc. I'll give you a little bit of headway. So you know they're coming and you know that things are likely going to change if this is the case. It's a good idea to acknowledge that things will be different and to allow space for both of you to grief. I'd encourage you to have an honest conversation about your worries as you're both moving into this new phase of life carve out some time to just actually talk through your fears. That doesn't have to be a plan for alleviating them just yet. It's okay to just acknowledge that the exist at some point after the conversation has happened. Consider making a plan for how you'll be intentional about creating new experiences for your friendship. Now the time distance and other things will be different. What kinds of things can you do to make an effort to stay connected just like we schedule? Date nights for romantic relationships date nights for friendships are also really important. Consider building in your friend. Time around certain activities. You know. You're likely to participate in. So maybe you do something like scheduling a thirty minute chat on Thursday nights after you watch how to get away with murder or maybe you have a group me where you're popping in regularly about every day Monday in kinds of things the gestures that you make to stay connected don't have to be gray into effective but it's helpful if they're consistent and finally. I want you to get comfortable with asking specifically what you can do to support your friend in this new phase of life and be open to how this might change if they're moving for Grad school. Can you help them? Virtually search for places to live if they're becoming apparent perhaps you can help by organizing a baby shower. Sometimes it's easier to show up for others if we know exactly how we can be helpful in the moment so be sure to ask now. Please don't hear me say that. The brunt of maintaining their friendship is on the person not experiencing life change. That's not what I'm saying at all. It's absolutely also important for the fringe experiencing. The life changed to be sure that they are checking in and making efforts to connect as well. When we don't take these tips or at least make an effort we can see a real breakdown in the friendship in ways that might have been able to be avoided. It's also important to note however that even with the best of intentions sometimes friendships just in the doesn't have to be anyone at fault. There may not have been a big blow up. Sometimes they just in. And that's definitely a topic will exploring in another episode of the podcast soon to navigate when a friendship ends

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