How to Cultivate Friendships at Work and Beyond with Shasta Nelson. Ep. 63
Both lovely things. Mood here. Have you found a bunch of have you piled all five kids in the car and gone to some? We've only done a few of I. Mean Most people just not done stuff I mean they just. If people were celebrating birthdays. They do a small family kind of thing. One year I guess it's not a big deal to to do something like that and We've done a few car things for like end of school related stuff. So we did those to go celebrate and see the teacher is and wave and say, Hi and all that and that seemed. Fairly innocuous. Okay for me. I did do it well, I guess I drove by to get annabel supplies and said hi to her teacher but that was that was about it. It means Zuma's just awkward general. We've done family conversations on am it's it's always it's hard to manage would work thing harder because you don't have an agenda per se and you don't have one person in charge. So given that those are necessary components of a business zoom meeting and you don't have them generally when you are having a social get together, it makes it quite difficult to to pull. It off. So you know a reason it feels awkward. I wonder if families would be better off being like, okay agenda we're all GonNa go round and say this would be enough I mean one hundred percent would be you need one person to be the facilitator. So whoever maybe whoever organized it can put that person in charge of it. They can then go around and ask everybody a question in turn. Ask people follow up questions by name like Joe. Can you say what you wanted to say about? Mary doing that it sounds terrible that that's how it works right and that keeps it from being exhausting in awful So I actually Kinda get your head around that. Truthfully. If you're at a family gathering, everyone's having individual conversations news, not all one large thing with all facing each other and that's why. You on it is like the worst Thanksgiving dinner ever because eventually like twelve of you around a table trying to have one conversation like somebody winds dominating at somebody's trying to say something but being ignored like somebody's just carping about whatever somebody's on our phone like it just that's what it winds up being. So it has to be either put into smaller groups or somebody facilitating. Yes. I don't know. Yet, we haven't done that much friend related stuff either this this summer, but you've found with another person. Mesa. That's great. We had. Are a couple people over for like porch by drinks on the porch in the course of the past few months, it's been wonderful. Every time we do that I think. You obviously have too many social obligations and feel like they're draining whatever. But when you're only having a few of them, you WANNA looking forward to the Milan it's like other people. Oh my goodness we're not just talking to each other. So. I I really enjoyed during that was nice to to house. That does really nice. Well, we'll hear from Shasta about how we can maintain friendships in this challenging time. So looking forward to that. Delighted to welcome Shasta Nelson to the program. She is the author of a new book called the business of. And she is also an expert on friendship in. General so Shasta I love to have you introduce yourself to our listeners and and then you know a little bit about your work, your life and what drew you to this topic. I've been studying friendship now for twelve years really specifically, I passionate relationships in general but I found myself looking at US some studies coming out talking about specifically at a time for women, how significant their friendships were to their health into their happiness, and yet I was looking around at all of us being so obsessed with the parent child relationship and the romantic relationships, and like we were buying thousands of books and we were like, who am I if I don't have these relationships and it was like that was just like the we think of them as they the kind of things we need in our lives and yet the research shows that those things. Actually aren't always that great happiness and our health and traditionally haven't always been that way and that our friendships that Matt make such a difference I found myself kind of in that space where I was looking around being like, why aren't people talking about this more? Why aren't people doing research on this? Why are we not finding resources for people and that's really what kind of just put me in that space I wasn't because I knew that much about it was because I was. Asking the questions and just trying to find resources for people people I was working with and stop and ever since then I've been reading and devouring and learning, and listening, and teaching, and writing books, and speaking, and gathering up, you know most of its with women and This book puts me a little bit broader. I'm doing more co ED, which is actually very cool too because I've long felt that men I think this is one of the reasons why they die younger than women. And and I think this is why I think men need. I don't think it's a women's issue. I think it's a human need and so I'm really excited to be talking about it in broad terms to but yeah friendship is like the thing. The thing and you actually have a ministerial decree. Don't you approaching this from a really sort of holistic perspective yet my training as a got a massive divinity and I used to pastor and so it felt like a big veer off the road. But when I, look back on it, I was like that was where I was doing marriage counseling I was training small.