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Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Rid of my own stuff and neutral staff makes me feel less suffocated in my house. And so my husband's clutter doesn't bug me like it used to. I know some of you are sitting there thinking. There is no bad emma. Husbands clutter will ever not bog may and that's fine you know and maybe that's true but I'm not going to believe you until you told me you've already declared your own stuff in neutral stuff k. Don't assume that you know the whole point of this conversation happening was that it was a surprise was that they were surprised as me at the difference that it made to just focus on my own stuff and neutral stuff that my house felt more under control and by my house feeling more under control that one part of clutter. That wasn't in my control. That wasn't something I could deal with. It didn't get under my skin like it used to and so I was able to enjoy my house. I've heard the same thing from people talking about how they're more willing for their kids to bring their favorite toy or legos or whatever into the living room to play with it because they don't feel this overall completely overwhelmed out of control feeling about their house and the clutter okay and so this is what I'm talking about when the whole house feels out of control when you it's just this general ambiguous we have too much stuff. We don't put things back. We don't have places for everything and then one tway coming out into the middle of the floor to get played with. Feels like Oh my word. Now there's not even the middle of the floor anymore but when the overall decluttering has been happening when you're starting to get the living room declutter down to the point where only stuff that really deserves to be in there and make living easier and more comfortable is in there then toys. Coming out into the middle of the living room are just toys coming out in the middle of the living room. They're not things taking up the last little tiny bit of space that we have. That's not cluttered. Do you see what I'm saying? And so it helps to chill out when the overall decluttering has been happening when there is just I mean. Here's the thing if you have a wall full of stuff stacked from the floor to the ceiling. It's just a wall full of stuff whether or not half of it is your husband's half of it is yours and I was gonna say an half but that does not add up. Mathematically so I'm not GonNa say it a third of is your. Let's say half of it is your husband's a quarter of it is yours and a quarter of it. Is neutral stuff. Okay that that's not going to be something he would take personally if you got rid of if you only focus on getting rid of the neutral stuff and your stuff that room is going to be half as overwhelming and I will say that. It's going to be more than half less than half. Yeah whatever the good one is as overwhelming as it was before when you get rid of half of the stuff okay. It's not just in the whole house is going to feel more under control. It's GONNA feel more. You're going to be more able to live in that space. And of course you hope that eventually he's GonNa go. Wow it's nicer in here with less stuff. I'm going to get rid of my stuff. But even if he doesn't you are able to chill out and enjoy that space a whole lot more because the math part in my brain is not making sense anymore but anyway a whole lot more just because you've gotten rid of your stuff and you're able to chill out and his staff is GonNa bug you less because it's it's not just less stuff it's also not the whole room. That's completely overwhelming anymore now. It's a section of the room as opposed to just overall. Oh my goodness we are just completely in horrible shape in this just saying okay it really really does make a difference and what was interesting was in. This conversation is a lot of different people have been telling me this exact same thing is. I'm really amazed at how much less other people's stuff bugs me. Once I've dealt with my own stuff okay because it's not just a mass of stuff and there's definitely stuff in there that I'm not going to be able to deal with. I know that for sure and you know how many times people like me people like us. We tend to if we know that three things out of the pile of fifty things are honestly truly things that we are not going to be able to do anything about. It makes the pile itself feel overwhelming and like something that we can't even get started then case a we are paralyzed from decluttering at all. Because we know that there are Steph in that there are things in this pile that are going to be. You know just hopeless that we can't even deal with but the reality is we can deal with the forty seven other things or even deal with ten other things and that overall thing is just as an overall pile of stuff is going to be less visually overwhelming and because it's less visually overwhelming. I'm going to be able to function better and Enjoy my home. War doesn't make sense. I sure hope so anyway and then obviously something. I hear all the time I say. Obviously if you're new here you may be thinking. Oh shucks laundry. She's GonNa say the same thing every other housekeeping person's is in that is Dewan load everyday. Well guess what I don't say that ever that is the complete opposite of what I say because that does not work for me. I leave the loads in there and they mildew and then I watched the same load over and over and I never actually make traction in my laundry but getting laundry under control. It affects the whole house it effects. The I mean the whole beauty of laundry day. Okay so what I do for those of you. That are new as I do. Laundry Day And that means that we all are dirty clothes get put into piles and I worked through those even if it takes more than a day. It's still one days job. Go listen to the laundry podcast. If you don't know what that means but anyway it's still one job and when it's done I don't have to worry about it till the next Monday will that right. There helps me chill out about my house so much I mean I don't sit every single day and think we all have clean underwear in our drawers. We all have cleaned drawers and our doors for the next five days came. We all have cleaned drawers and our jurors for the next four days. We all have no the beauty of it is. I don't have to worry about it. I don't even have to think about it because I know that I did laundry laundry day so I know that we have a week's worth of clothes that are clean and ready to go and I know that I don't need to feel guilty about not doing laundry today. Which helps me chill out about my house. It's when I didn't have a laundry routine that it was just always this nagging feeling of Ohio new to do laundry laundry. Oh I'm going to send so behind on laundry. Oh I have no idea if everybody's GonNa have what they need for school tomorrow. Even though I wasn't consciously thinking those things either they were always on my mind because it was always an issue in our house and so just the reality of laundry having its own routine meant that those things we're not weighing on my mind anymore and I was able to enjoy my house without feeling constant nagging back of my mind and not really sure what it is but it's laundry guilt for those six days of the week. Okay now it's like okay. I'm GONNA tackle this. So so what are the keys to all of this? I mean I'm sure you've already kind of figured it out. It's having a routine. It is not necessarily always having the dishes done as much as it is. Having a dishes routine to know that the dishes dishes are going to get done consistently. It is not about never having any dirty clothes in the bottom of the laundry hamper. It's about being able to rest in the fact and know that there is a laundry routine that laundry routine works for you and your family and your brain style and your lifestyle and you can trust and rest knowing that your family is going to have the clothes that they need when they need them. Okay so it's about those routines and then it's about decluttering. Remember the beauty of decluttering. Is that once something leaves Your House. It's not in there anymore and you don't ever have to worry about it again. It takes off of your mind. It's not something to Nagy you anymore. So decluttering has great long-term effects. Because then you don't have to move those things around anymore. You don't have to shift things anymore because they're gone. Okay so keys are identify what you can control. Okay when we're talking here specifically when I say chill out. I'm sure you've already figured out that a lot of times. I'm talking about chill out with the other people in Your Family K. Chill out and give up on making sure that they do everything. The absolute perfect way that you figured out needs to be done okay. So that's a big part of what we're talking about here is being able to enjoy your house being able to enjoy your family and not resent the fact of what they're doing or not doing that's messing everything up for you. Okay and keys there. Identify what you can control. What can you do you can do the dishes? You want to bring the kids in on that. Go right ahead. That's awesome but do the dishes whatever it takes because that is something you can control you. Wash the dish drive the dish you put it away. It's done you don't have to think about it anymore. Okay work hard on finding the routine that works for you rather than focusing on establishing routine okay so this is one of the reasons why I say. Do the dishes instead of saying. Here's your nightly checklist of things that you need to get done or here. You know I don't say do if I'm going to pick up for you go to bed. I just say do a five minute pickup. Because it's going to different for everybody. Some people have very predictable evening routines we had predictable evening routines at certain points in our lives. When we knew that almost every single day of the week we were going to be home at a certain time and going to bed at a certain time and Blah Blah Blah. We're not in that stage of life anymore and even when we were I was never good at remembering to always do the five minute pickup right before bed. Okay so instead of saying okay. I've got to find this checklist of five things. I need to do throughout the day and make sure I do them instead. Say Okay what does it mean in my personal house to keep the dishes done? Have the dishes done at some point during the day every single day? What does that mean if you work nights you know we? I talked to Elizabeth. You know she worksites and she is exhausted when she comes in. And it's not necessarily practical when she's exhausted gets home at midnight or whatever and her family is already in bed for her to say. Okay I'm going to go and do the dishes. And then she's also presenting the fact that they didn't get them done in all. I mean you know. That's putting words in her mouth. She I don't know that she said that. But anyway but but you can see how you might feel that way right so instead of worrying about that. Just say okay. What does it mean in my house? I'm just going to focus on finding their routine that works in my