Lowkey Unaware

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Finally the moment that many of us have been waiting for has arrived. Insecure is back for season. Four and right Outta the gate. They're already given us tons to talk about so. Of course I had to grab my friend and colleague. Dr Donna Oreo to chat all about what we saw. In this season Premier Dr Oriole will is an author. International Speaker and certified sex and relationship therapist in the Washington. Dc Metro area. The owner of nod right back to Donna's specializes in working with black women on issues related to color ISM and texture ISM and its impact on mental and sexual health. She's the author of cocoa butter and hair grease a self love journey through hair and skin. She's an advocate for sexual freedom self love acceptance and accomplishment for women of Color especially black women. She collects inspiring quotes eats donuts and loves pasta. She and I chatted all about the opportunities that were missed half them difficult but necessary conversations in this episode. Why brutal honesty doesn't work why it's important to have tough conversations even if they're super awkward and she gives us a beautiful script for anyone who needs to have the. What are we conversation? If you hear anything that resonates with you well listening. Please be sure to share with us on social media using the HASHTAG G in session. He is our conversation. We're talking about ISA's girls dead has seemingly happened. Even though she has not been therapy. Molly has been there is yes. I mean the way that she was able to communicate with. Tsa May like this position is not working. This is not working now. I would be remiss if I point out that you definitely kept going. Follow bit before He. He did what she had to say. A switch things up good. I mean aside from that whole consent. Error has that is an era inconsistent. I would be remiss if I didn't say one of my clients was talking about. How can you keep going? If somebody's saying that consent is actually a whole body. Ya Not just keep going. But a full body we. I'm in this urine as lesbian this piece together. Sorta space but for me. It was more about easier than anything. She was able to open her mouth. And say you know what this can. We switch not a couple of seasons ago. She might not have had that conversation now. She kept those feelings toward self. Yeah Yeah so okay. So let's get into the episode and we would just kind of see how it flows right So I really. There are just so much to unpack so we have is season premiere season four premiere of insecure. Which you know we all. We're waiting for all right and so I like the over. Arching theme for a lot of this episode was really difficult conversations. That people either did not have or did not have will. What are your thoughts? Oh yeah the communication was way off. I just like Ooh some of the stuff was those difficult conversations that needed to happen but happy kind of awkwardly but at the same time I was commending on even having an awkward conversation because I feel like Isa impacts you just aboard it. Whatever she could avoid you would have done that. That is such a good point. Oriole right like this idea. That conversations aren't always going to be perfect right and as much as we script in our own head and think okay. I'm GonNa say this and I'm saying it's against eighties right. Never actually plays out in real life but an awkward conversation in the interest of getting our feelings hurt being able to put things on. The table is still better than no conversation at all absolutely. Yeah I think that oftentimes we don't we don't necessarily as yet just because conversation is difficult just because it feels awkward because of bills a little off as being that we are still doing our stuff to make sure that we're having the conversation in the first place. Wherever the conversation comes out a dislike I'm a Cremona had the compensation and see what happens later. Then don't have the conversation at all as you did. So what are some things that you think that? Make it difficult for us to even engage in conversations. Well one that I have noticed and do my class test this is we have so much anxiety. About how the other persons were never sees it that instead of saying the thing that we need to say we say what we think we need say in order for them to better understand what we are trying to say was me in reality. We didn't say not. And this is where I redirect people. You gotta say in our asshole. I mean you're an asshole. Asshole is going to say it exactly the way that it needs to be state saying so like sometimes we're not saying it to the person sometimes we are is the. What is my main thing here? Main thing here. Is that your hurtful for. I don't like is that well. You know when you say this you know And then I was just thinking like Ooh that could meet now now. Now no say what you asshole write it down. What was the thing that you really need to say? You harm me with your words. That's what you really needed to say. So right now like you are asshole when you talk to me now lipid make it cleaner make it something that if someone told you you could hear it. Usually is statements wherever possible. I feel like this when this happens. It gives you opportunity to say what you actually need. The say is that a China interpret how they're gonna pay but you got so see I. I definitely want to stay here for a moment because I feel like this is what especially when we look at this episode right. I think this is kind of would a part of Mali's issue is right like this whole inner asshole so to speak and as high as other asshole right speaking no place her own insecurity. So you're advocating though maybe getting some of those thoughts out on paper before you actually have the conversation to make sure that it is in his purest form but there there is still a way to communicate with people that does not necessarily come across abrasive. Exactly as it's really about even more than being about having a conversation that needs to be had just like that. It's also about certain level of self awareness. Molly laxness Because if she was software especially toward the end of the episode talking about life is messy. Who's that sir? How does that for it? Doesn't I'm the best not constructive criticism? That's not constructed either back you'll life is messy. Ucla does it have to be this mess. I'm just an in. Where in here did you think this was supposed to be something that was helpful right and I think the other piece of that of course was concerning. Was the timing right like even if that was a conversation that you feel like you needed to have with. Isa Did it need to be this night. Where she's like on a cloud and she's really proud of herself or you know pulling off the mixer and you know feeling like okay. I'm really stepping into this thing. And now you have this conversation with her completely like dibs are like Yep math one of those moments like you gotTa Pause Boo. Who Does the serve as honestly molly? It's funny because I listened you send Jill off And I talked to. Who and Yvonne Yvonne or D. They both talk about like how Nigerians could be so rogo in their honesty. And I'm just like you know what is true in a problematic as as fellow Nigerian. I can say that. That is problematic because brutal. Honesty doesn't actually serve anybody. Brutal honesty honestly seems to be more about one person's hurt ego pride or the need to feel better than somebody else by bringing them down by telling the truth as harshly as possible. Right there is a way to be honest with your loved ones in people that you care about debt does not have to be brutal. Exactly because brutality does not necessarily bring growth as brain is defensiveness bring is distance and those things that you are trying to achieve attack conversation that you're happy but I'll go out on a limb saying that your brutal honesty is unnecessary and probably needs to be more compassionate honesty loving honesty friendship based honesty and none of those things would be brutal

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