Mara Wilson, OCD, Xerox discussed on The Hilarious World of Depression
This is a story about someone working through mental illness with the whole world watching his depression funny yeah I think it can be. I think that it it definitely they can be. I think that lately I've been thinking of my OCD as as as somebody in my head and my depression as well as as some in my head that's just just you know people who like really try to shock you are just just end up coming across as really boring you know you're the worst in your terrible and you suck and everybody hates you forever and I'm just like wow oh wow leg who pulled you out of two thousand and to play like yea like okay okay like yeah. It's like this teenage edge Lord and my brain. You know I think when you can think of it like what if you do something terrible like you know what if what if you liked the house on fire. It's like I'll do that. Why are you making me think of that. That's stupid It's the hilarious world of depression. I'm John Mo and we're going to make some. I'm very cute. Movies significantly less cute. I'm Mara Wilson and right now I am. La Mara Wilson is a writer and and actor and she looks different end sounds different than when she was a famous movie star acting in movies like Mrs Doubtfire with Robin Williams Cook. It's face you remind me of Stuart little. One of the most honorable creatures in all of literature. Do you know that book Stuart Little. It's finite. I make favorites or miracle on thirty Fourth Street Brian. You know what I know. Komo secret secret Santa Claus known for a long time He's hot rail or playing Matilda Matilda. GotTa be this honey. You can adopt the look. I don't have time for all these legalities. Let's second dad. I have the adoption includes. What would you get those little book in The library. He had to tell speaking of Xerox. Mara was a big star very skilled actor too and I remember it was fun to watch those movies because she looked like she was is having fun. the. Yes sometimes it was. I don't know there were there. Were a lot of really dark times too because I had a lot of issues with mental health but it does seem kind of surreal to me sometimes the things that I went through and I think it was hard for me to accept a lot of things that I'd gone through and sort of understand how oh cool they were. You have to understand that I have really bad imposter syndrome. I really felt like like nothing. I really did matter to anybody and the most fun aspects Romy I think we're we're probably just all the people that I got to know the places I got to go and these kinds of things and that I think was was really fun and I think eventually Kinda got burned out on it it. I it's it's strange to me look back. I feel like I was very unlikely child. Star although a lot of child former child stars I had talked to they they they kind of felt similarly like they never particularly wanted to be anybody famous or anything like that they just wanted to to have this sort of creative outlet and they they did and then things kind of took off so it's it's a weird it's a weird complicated thing and and I feel extremely grateful for it and I I had so many wonderful opportunities -tunities but I do think it took me a long time to sort of embrace that all into understand how fortunate I was. Mara grew up in Burbank California cornea. There are TV and movie studios everywhere in Burbank. It's like the auto industry for growing up in Detroit when she was a baby Mara. Her parents and her siblings got a unique opportunity. They were like looking for families for a toothpaste commercial when we were young and I think my parents saw that as a good chance to put some money away for College Ledge for us and so we were we were featured in that and then afterwards one of my brothers still wanted to keep doing that so he did it for a little while and then he he got tired of that pretty quickly and I saw what he was doing and I didn't get tired of it. I wanted to keep doing it. Mars parents knew about the entertainment industry. Her Dad worked in television enough to have mixed feelings about it so they tested her. They made me do like a mock audition and then at the end they said okay. You didn't get the part and I said that's okay. I can just go on on another one and they're like okay well. She's a bit more resilient than than we thought because I was very anxious insensitive kid. I think that a lot of times people assume that if somebody is anxious insensitive especially as a child that they must be very introverted that they must be very sad all the time time they must be like this and and know that was the thing I didn't have the mixed blessing of of introversion and shyness to kind of keep me from you know my own anxieties and social phobias. There's no I was. I was alternately you know I was. I was either a sweet positive child our I was you know who wanted to befriend everybody or I was this crying anxious mass and that I think made people very confused because I didn't seem to you know have a shy bone in my body and then and then suddenly I I was kind of transformed. When did the anxiety starting it. It always one never never started just started yeah. It was it was you you know there was no big bang. I mean it was it was just kind of I. I don't remember not being scared. I it was it was little things I think when I was little being being afraid to watch a scary movie or something like that getting scared on on you know a little things like getting scared of rollercoasters getting scared at music videos and things on TV at any kind of reference of any kind of harm or danger. It's normal for kids to get scared by stuff like that but Mara found. She couldn't let it go. I always would be like why is nobody talking about. The fact that the sun is GonNa. Burn out you know why is why is nobody talking about. The fact that a girl girl was killed by a drunk driver. Why is nobody talking about any of these things. I would worry about these things. All the time and one of my brothers told me that like we'd we'd gone on vacation Asian into Minnesota and there was a shop there and somebody had bought me as a gift a set of these Guatemalan worry dolls and I I don't know you you know it was it was late eighties early nineties culture appropriation. I don't know if they are actually Guatemalan but the idea is basically you you hold these these worried on you whisper your worries to them and they take them away and apparently one of my brothers found me at like four years old like curled up holding them and crying and she asked me what was wrong and I just looked up to him and I said it's just my worries again and I mean that's kind of before and you know and say it's my worries again. I think I always knew on some level that my worries were a little bit weird or at least that other people weren't worried about them and so that made me wonder like is everybody else crazy and I'm the I'm the one who knows all these things or am I crazy and everybody else is saying and and you you know crazy. Insane are words that don't actually mean very much but that was how I perceived things. That was how how I understood things and I think that was something that I struggled with for or a really long. Time is always worrying that I that you know my worries. Were were actually worth worrying about a nobody else was worrying too. I didn't want the responsibility. The worries took on physical symptoms as well. I always had a nervous stomach like I was a head problem a headache things like that and so yeah so I was I was but I also think that a lot of my anxiety I think in some ways my anxiety and my ocd kind of made it made made me a better actor when I was a child because I had a really vivid imagination so I could tap into emotions and memories very very easily and I I was very sensitive and I would feel sorry for people and so like I could cry on command and it was great and I never once used that to get out of trouble in real life because it felt different I I was. I was compulsively only honest in real life but I was. I really lose myself. In in a role I also I also used to like tend to get like words and phrases and things stuck in my head and because of that I got really good at memorizing lines because I would think about the way that things needed to be said and the rhythm of it and I could get that that second my head real easily was acting a respite from the anxiety was a way of addressing it like treating it. Almost I think in some ways it was. I think that that me performing was but I do think and I do think that being on sets was kind of it was it was Kinda hard though because it's so broken up it's not like on stage stage where you get this rush for an hour or two when you're on on the stage but you get you so it's it's broken up you get it. Only you know a couple of minutes at a time and sometimes it feels feels hard to get really invested and I think that as I got older I had more of a my my anxiety manifested as a control freak side so I think that I would get kind kind of frustrated onset sometimes especially ones where I didn't have a lot of creative control and those were a lot of the time because he was going to create a control to a child at age six six Mara appeared in Mrs Doubtfire Robin Williams that success led quickly to other TV and movie parts the remake of miracle on thirty Fourth Street Melrose Place Ace and then a pretty special part came along. My mom actually used to read Mathilde to my brother's classes like my brother's English classes says when they were I think it may be like fourth grade and I remember once I was. I was a little under the weather I was I was I was sick a lot with a lot of really minor stuff when I was a kid in an era or something and she took me with her to the school and just set me up on a little blanket in the back of the class but I was old enough to be able to listen to it and and and listening to my mom play the trouble and playing the part of this really smart little girl who was outsmarting her all of the time that was something it was it was like one of my favorite things this from the very beginning one of my favorite stories I I loved it and so so I I really that character was somebody I had this like image of who she was in my head and and felt almost as if she existed somewhere so when I when I got the script I mean I remember I remember asking if it was like the book and my mom said yes and what had happened was my agent had called and this was when things were kind of snowballing. May agent was like we've got so many scripts about this one. We've got this when we got this one. We've got Mathilde but I passed on that. One and mom was like don't pass on that don't pass on that send that to send us and and she sent it to us and I loved reading it and and it was it was a great script in nineteen. ninety-five Mars mother Susie Wilson was diagnosed with breast cancer. Just before filming started on Matilda. There is so much going on in my family at the time my dad had a fulltime job in addition to taking care of my mother and we were promoting a film and I had four other siblings to take care of and there was so so much going on that it felt like if there wasn't time for me to be having a breakdown the way that I was I wanna make sure you caught something in there and I had four other siblings to take care of. She says she had to take care of them. Mara was the second youngest of five kids Mars talking about something that happened when she was seven years old Mara had developed obsessive compulsive disorder when her mom got sick. You can't walk on that place. You can't walk on that crack on the sidewalk. You have to jump over the door frames. You have to duck your head under this line in the doorway before for you before you cross or else you'll you'll feel like your head has been chopped off or something like that. Even though I knew it wasn't going to happen so there was a lot of there are a lot of times where I would run across the house and I would would and I would like be doing these tours towards your ties across the living room floor because I was afraid to step on certain cracks or you know compulsions our actions their things..