Oliver Sacks, Tiger Woods, Baseball discussed on The Kevin and Ryan Show
The intention for the rest of the day for me because like it doesn't matter how crazy the next in twenty twenty three hours. are that one hour cronica. And it's GonNa everything is going to descend from there. Yeah it you know it's funny I find a lot of time through in. You mentioned this near book through saying no. Yeah can you give a I think saying no is. It's always been a really difficult thing for me to do. Do I like new novel experiences. That type of star so you know when somebody invites you to something. That sounds kind of cool. I always sign up for it later. I typically the end up regretting signing up for too many things like how do you approach saying no because that does free applauded time. Yeah there's this sports psychologist. Jonathan Fater Cert- briefly in the book but is a friend of mine and I I asked this question a couple years ago. He gave me a bunch of really good advice and then he sent me this picture of Oliver Sacks ax in his office. The you know the doctor and writer and and Oliver Sacks is on the phone and then behind them. There's this giant yellow piece of paper APOR and just says no exclamation point and that was assigning hanging in his office. And so when I look at this picture I imagine him his telling the person on the phone like no. I can't do that. You know and so I actually have like a physical reminder in my office to say no because book when you're early on in your career like you have to say yes to everything and there's not that much stuff to say yes to but then as you achieve some things and you have some success that the privilege and the The reward for all your work. Is that now. Lots of people want you to do things they want to do things for you you know and the thing that made you successful. Oh you're you're driving your hard work and your ability to say yes now has like suddenly working against you because now it's not in. Are there any opportunities. It's it's like. What is the best opportunity and Dr Failures analogy because he works with lots of baseball players? who were the mets and Major League baseball and stuff? He was like you become a good baseball player by swinging pitches. That's how you get noticed right like it's the high school kid that hits a three hundred foot home. Run the people. Whoa that kids got you know power right but the problem is then as you work your way up in the levels the pitching gets harder and the stakes get higher and and now it actually becomes your plate discipline that separates the guys who have long careers and the guys who don't and it is true and I think in all sports right like in football thought thought forcing the this other quarterbacks who force the passes it's the quarterbacks who have the patience and the fearlessness to stay in the pocket a little bit longer and wait for the right receiver at the right time and so it just becomes I just reminders of over and over again? Like if you're saying yes to everything if you're saying yes to the first thing that it comes up there's a huge cost to this and and kids I would say having kids has been the most powerful thing for me in that regard because you know before I felt like I had an unlimited capacity to say yes and if I said yes to too much stuff like I bore the consequences and I got married Arne ensure my wife kind of for some of the consequences but ultimately like she's her own person living her own life. If I decided to if I went to a dinner instead instead of being home she would go have dinner with friends or you know do some other things but when you have kids in a totally dependent on you you realize like Oh. I stole all this time from you and I gave it to this total stranger for no reason you know yes or even even this has been helpful for me like in terms of the rates that I charge whether it's for speaking or you know if I'm going out with a new book it's like it's not free to do this and so if because I'm afraid afraid of being mean or I don't want to seem greedy I you know let's say I accept half my normal speaking fee because that's their budget shit instead of saying no sorry This is this is what I have to do it for. I've taken that time from my. I might choose sons. You know what I mean like I took it from a defenseless baby is how I I say to myself. And that motivates me and be less afraid to be the bad. I've got. Yeah and I mean that can be stealing from anything to for people. That don't have kids. It can be stealing from your workout. Time your meditation time. You're you know anything. Your happiness awesome. Well all I know I've had you for a while. I do want to ask you one one last question. I'm not going anywhere okay sweet. I'm curious you know you've you've I'm I'm sure. He sent out a handful of these copies to people. That have have read it and Early on were you. What do you think you know? At the end of say someone completes your book they picked the this op de read it all the way through you know three six months from now. What are they get out of the book? What are they implement in? What does this leave them? Well my my hope is is and I try to do at least these three books in the trilogy with you. Go in obstacle In this book I tried to write something that like. Even if you forget everything inside decide that book that even just like title could be a mantra that provide some value. So in this case I I feel like I could have just called the book stillness like if if all I do. The book is just introduced stillness into the lexicon exa Kahn. Or the the the mind of a handful of people I feel like I will have succeeded because that word has come to mean a great deal to me like just the idea that like. Oh this experience where you know. You're just sitting at the dinner table and you're just talking with your family and no one's on their phones and you're laughing and you're experiencing the moment like oh that's still it's just as you know a walk through. The Woods is still miss. It's just as you know a moment of flow state where you're like doing your absolute best work. Just as meditation is still the that this is a very special special thin that is way too fleeting and Rare in our lives and that we would be happier and better and think wiser and nicer to each other and able to accomplish more things and solve complex problems if we had more stillness in our lives in the vast array of manifestations we would be better for more stillness and so obviously I hope people pick up the habits people start walking walking. I hope people you know. Take a hobby. I hope people you know explore the idea of a higher power. I hope they clear. They work on emptying their minds. I hope they cultivate cultivate silence and solitude I do all those things but if they find their own way to just be conscious of the idea of stillness to me. That's what I've got. It's not a philosophy and that's why I tried to pay for it in the book. Yeah I love IT I. I thought it was a great book and I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think that this idea and In it doesn't always happen I'm not perfect but when I can just sit there and just be a not wanna be anywhere else the just sit there and and You know whether it be at the dinner table and during a conversation with my wife and not thinking about my emails or you know just having a little bit of of Grounding being you know just feeling grounded and not feeling I'm a have to rush off. Oh Gosh just like this. The it's like relaxed so relaxing and so oh peaceful I need more of that my life so I'm glad you're you wrote this book because there's there's certainly a ton I mean. I'm looking at the book you sent. Let me and have all these Pages folded over at a special highlighter. Just because I didn't have a proper highlighter. And I was underlining stuff and it was going through the other page judge Because it was like a felt tip. Anyway he didn't you know they don't know that's the thing that you can say to an author I mean like I people are like When people show me book and it's like all Christine Gallegos he didn't really read it when someone shows you and it's got like food on it and it fell right. I'm like Oh you like live at this thing thing. You know that's awesome. Yeah that means a lot. No it's great to go to that. Yes so I think it's important to that people realize that still this is not just just this sort of privilege. Nice moments with your family or when you're not doing like you're also needs us when you're programming or when you're giving a speech or when you're playing in the super bowl like that that that all almost every moment in life including the really high stakes one you will perform learn better if you're actually there and you're grateful to be there even if it sucks and it's really hard and it's not going the way that you wanted to go and if you're not trying to rush rush off to some other thing and if you're not wasting time wishing it was was otherwise you know like the the I think stillness is is a is is both about a personal happiness and fulfilment but I also think it's a key to elite performance and I think that there's not a clear line it begins and the other the other ends that's right. Yeah and I think that was so apparent in your your profile of Tiger Woods in the book you know how you can have have absolute focus in one area of your life but if you don't look at this and in a holistic way you know falls apart and that was just a really fascinating You know chapter that that you you delve into his inner workings totem which I thought was great as well awesome. Well Ryan thank you so much for being on the show Where Working People Obviously you can pick it up on Amazon. An Amazon still misses the key but Wins the release date and there's audible as well so release. Lee says October wine. Ob Everywhere Independent Bookstores Amazon. And then if you're you're interested more in the western side of stuff you can check out Daily STOIC six dot com where we do an email about stoicism every morning awesome. Thanks Ryan. Thanks Rob me all right. That's it for this episode hop on over to Instagram. I am at Got Kevin. Rose follow me up there and appreciate it and if you have a little extra free time head over to the I tuned store and issue would give a five star review that will get US recommended more people and in turn gets even better guests on the show. Thanks so much and have a great day..