Lisa She, Waterbury, Cathy Murphy discussed on The Dave Gram Show on WDEV
WD FM and now we are back in. We are continuing our conversation about the load of stress and work and chores and preparations at center. A loaded onto women at this time of year. it seems much more so than then men and we have a couple of people who I think the big picture of you and also we're going to get some small picture of you. I think in a moment from Lisa She's the chair of the of the Vermont Commission on Women and and Cathy Murphy is. Proprietor of the stonestreet. Emporium here. In Montpellier terrific shop with. I'm sorry what did I say. I still half asleep phone. Sorry we are in Waterbury and install street is in Waterbury in the street in Waterbury. Okay now I've said it three times I should be able to get a right for the rest of the show. The street emporium in Waterbury were Cathy. Murphy is the proprietor. And you are Someone who is up close and personal to the shopping habits of men and women and and I wanted to check in with you Kathy because you were saying that You men come into the shop. And there's this phenomenon where the gender prevalence may I changed for just one day. Oh usually Christmas Eve Christmas Eve. What happens on Christmas Eve? Well that's the last minute HURRAH panic sets and it's all the guys who come in and say Oh my God. Yeah my wife's from shopping since August I am right yeah get it done in one fell swoop. So it's fine with us but we do find that men are more Acceptable to have help right away. which is awesome? They'll come in and ask for advice and suggestions which of course we're always happy to give and do so but it isn't it and and and you In is it fair to say the majority of the staff in the store female. Yes okay so here again. I just want to point out that what's going on there. It sounds like is these guys are coming in and say. Oh Oh I'm clueless. I need some health and women's step up and and and think through what they need to be thinking for sure I think we're I think we're continuing in some kind of a pattern here. But they come in with their kids and the kids really like to help dad takeout gifts at Lisa's Senecal L.. Is the chair of the Vermont. Commissioner women and Lisa you you look at these At a lot of issues related to gender relations from sort of a big picture theoretical perspective. I'm sure and and you you're well read on these topics but you also mentioned to me when you're talking about this scheduling. This program that you have some experience in retail yourself is that right. Yeah I worked in retail. Excuse me all through high school and then Off and on during in college and I worked at a department store and I had absolutely the same experience on Christmas. Eve of he primarily in the women's department was It was a desperate desperate men coming in who Didn't have clear ideas. They also didn't have sizes which was staying and and I would ask you know what ties does your wife or your your girlfriend wear and they would get a sort of dumbstruck look on their faces like it hadn't occurred to them that that might be information formation. That would be important when they went clothes shopping and they would be well. She's about yourself and and then after the holidays I the boxes would come back now in the heights of in the hands of wives and girlfriends who clearly were not about my size and and the men were just happy to have anything box that we would also route for them. Didn't didn't WANNA show up empty handed on Christmas this morning on my Gosh so truly we experienced that same things. How and I gotta say I'm getting more and more embarrassed here as a member of the male side of the species here because this is This is just. It's embarrassing. I gotta say I mean come on guys what is what what is what is up with this. I mean Let me let me. Have you give your pitcher Lisa. You're talking to men. Now what do you WanNa say about all this. Give them a little thought to it in advance. I would say that the the gift giving is the least of of What you could do to help participate? Ask the women in your lives what they have going on between you know and Christmas or during Hanukkah whatever holiday you celebrate in your family and and start getting a real rely dea of what it is Additional that are on these women's list to do and then sit down and take twenty minutes to figure here out how you might take on some of those things on the list and take some of the burden off. You know a person you will you care about deeply and and I don't think men don't want the women in their lives to enjoy the holidays I think they have a tendency To a large degree to not be aware of just how much additional burden is on women this time of year and and it's also partially women's responsibility to say. Hey look here's the list that I have of everything I have to do. Between now and the twenty fifth so let the down. I don't see how we can. We can split us up or Brussels. Some of this is a long list. I think I love all that Lisa. You're so on point I. I feel like men view shopping more as a necessity and women view it more as an event or an experience except for maybe this time of year. Are you know when they when they do feel the burden of getting everything done so going through the list. Yes you know I let me let me Let me say something. That's GONNA sound stupid and guy like and And and shoot this down because I mean obviously there's gotta be some kind of response to it but I mean and I hear me. I hear some men. I mean I had a conversation months ago about this whole just emotional labor in general with a couple of other guys and one was saying something like well You know women worry about what order the knickknacks go in and men worry about whether their favorite basketball team is going to sharpen up zone defense and And these are just two different realms and So so in terms of the actual mental energy that gets voted to These different topics. That's just kind of the way it breaks down in. What are we gonNA do about it sort of thing? So Lisa. Tackle that one Well I I would say as a sports loving woman that we also carry that weight of worrying being about our our teams are doing this time of year but beyond that on. I think it's important for you. Know there's there's some there's there's a nugget something really important in what you said. That man's response was and I- women in have been programmed and the programming is ongoing on the covers of magazines and on instagram. And you know checking out other people's social media and seeing all the wonderful things they seem to be doing to create the perfect Christmas and you know why am I not able to do more and shouldn't I be doing this and I think we have to look at the things that we play on ourselves and what we feel. We're responsible for doing and and start looking at what's truly important to be done. And what is just additional stuff we've bought into that isn't really necessary But we we take it on anyway so you know there. There does have have to be some reevaluation. I think of Our capacity to do things and the importance of doing various things. I think we have a tendency to think but you know other people have expectations of us that that if we didn't meet it would be okay. Christmas would still come. Hannukah would still come and people who would still love us. Yeah that's an interesting perspective. Actually I mean some of this does sound like not not that women are necessarily should be assigned yet another task but one of the if they were to take on a new task. It might be to Figure out tasks they can shed. Yes yeah I think we can. We can be planning to ourselves and Not Everything is going to be the difference between whether or not the holidays are wonderful for everyone or not and we have to figure out what is and what isn't important to young men about Christmas and and this whole topic just the other day and And one gets a lump of coal in his stocking with this response. He said Christmas stupid and if women want to take that on themselves. I'm not going to feel too badly about it. ooh That's right Kathy. What do you think of? That is a response. That's a big lump coal in his stocking. You know of course. I'm coming from a retail perspective. When I hear statements like that I fear? You're the downfall do my store and the industry because without women right now stores like mine would probably collapse so yeah yeah that I mean th th for that practical perspective. This is a really these are these are pretty crucial issues. I'm communities so that involves men and women so that is the case while. Here's here's another response. Got which I just have to repeat because I thought it was kind of hilarious. This other guy said the workers actually equally divided between the sexes is just that men men give all their work to one guy and his reindeer. I don't know let me let me. I want to bring in my good friend friend Dana. You'll hear because I got to blame him. He's the one who got me onto this. He's our he's our producer. He's also news guy here. He's a man whereas many hats here w. e. b. one of the last week was my interlocutor. When you're talking about almost half jokingly said so you all set with your Christmas shopping and he said well my wife told me you know you only have to get one thing thank meaning of course a present for her and she shopping up for probably the rest of the family and the extended family etc.? Yeah but she also made me feel like I was the last person in the world that did that. Okay wow okay that's important. That's important another strength in numbers. Shame yeah you're the you're the one guy who has this habit the of terra terrible thing and you better straighten up and fly right. I'm GonNa get it all done next week. Okay that's good. That's good and I..