NYU, Mike, Professor discussed on Masters in Business

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Professor at NYU stern discussing his new book, the algebra of happiness. I have to reference, a disclaimer, you have fairly early in the book, I have no academic credibility credentials to indicate I should counsel people on how to live their lives. So why did you write this? So this has been a journey of personal discovery. We were talking about this off. Mike. I struggle from loosely, call mild, depression, and issues with anger. And my sister, summarize the problem perfectly a couple years ago when I was speaking to her who said, why are you so pissed off all the time? And when I look at my blessings, and I look at my mood, they don't put to one another and I decided that I would do some research around. What are the best practices around people who are able to take stock their blessings, and translate that to their mood and their satisfaction with their own life? And there's a tremendous amount of great research out. There, there's best practices, there's worst practices, and I try and summarize them for the kids and turn it into a class. But it's also been a great personal journey for me to try and figure out. Okay. How can I ensure that I take that, again, my blessings foot to my mood, so on that there's a huge body of research about the positive power of gratitude on a resume discuss that in the book how, how does one live a more grateful life? Well, they're supposedly tricks and one of them is just writing down supposedly write them down. They cement them, but I think there's other things too. I think with, especially with men, we have a problem communicating admiration and affection for other people as young men, especially when I grew up in the seventies and eighties affection, meant one of two things you were trying to have sex with that person where you were homosexual and in the seventies or eighties for heterosexual man, both of those things, where considered either suspect or bad thing. Right. So changed times have changed, and I think faction if you look at mammals if you look at where we're happy. If you look at what we're meant to do, we're pack animals, and we're meant to touch each other. Now, unfortunately because of some outrageous and criminal behavior in the workplace, we've completed masculinity with toxicity, and we've said affection in the workplaces of bad thing. And I understand that. But I think men need to take back affection, and be affectionate with their children expressive faction to their friends, and the reality is it just doesn't take a ton of common sense to recognize when affection isn't welcome. But affection is a wonderful thing. And also just verbal admiration berry. I think you're in oppressive guy. I think you have a really interesting career and I love the fact that you talk about your hobbies you just seem like you seem like a guy that would be a great mentor. Great uncle, the guy people want to hang out with saying that most men when they say that feel as if they're giving up something that admiration is a currency when I say that, that somehow takes that away from me, especially young men. So what I encourage people to do. Our young men is to say, look, one of the greatest things that can take you off track. Is that don't assume that people in your life or telepathic thinking loving thoughts about your friends and family doesn't make you a loving person? You have to express these things and the greatest untapped resource in the world is the good things you feel about other people that you don't articulate. We assume that people telepathically understand that we admire them that we were spec them that we're fond of them. And I think the fastest way to increase your short term happiness, is to find the courage to when you when you feel good things about other people to express them and quite frankly, it's a little bit embarrassing. You make yourself vulnerable. Sometimes it can even be off putting the other person. But on the whole, I think it's one of the greatest hacks to feeling more grateful, and being more happy as expressing all the good thoughts that run between your ears every day. So you're suggesting an individual can decide to be happy can decide to be grateful can implement hacks in order that state. So I think there are best practices, and I don't think there's an equation, and I also don't want to. I'm going to disclose that. I think there's certain forms of depression, Rossi's require outside intervention. But there are through there is no one acquaintance. So the title is a little bit misleading. One happiness is say, tion, we were talking about conham before when I'm really talking about is the decisions in investments, you make through the course your life, such that the arc or the narrative, your life is a little bit more satisfying in the highs and lows that we all experience swing on a higher plane. So I don't think there's any one question people have to find their own route, but there are best and worst practices. So the Harvard grant study large study of its kind on happiness, found worst. They tracked one hundred four hundred men over seventy five years over eight years. And it's interesting started I think, in the twenties, and it which gives you sort of insight into the way we thought about people, most important in the twenties. We decided to four hundred men right like about women's happiness, nineteen twenty and no women, of course surprised by that. And we waited till we tracked him for eight years. Scientists track them for eighty years, everything they ate, what they did at work, all of their relationships are sporting activity or lack there their media, and then query them on a regular basis. Their levels of happiness and satisfaction in the Nagara gated largest data said on longitude and happiness, ever, and then said, what are the best practices among the people who are happiest or seem more satisfied? What are the worst practices among people who seem we satisfied one, and they had a swap out four principal scientists? So let's start with the worst practice. The one thing that was prevalent are consistent, most often across the cohort with the lowest level of happiness and he guesses alcohol one hundred. Alcohol, and that's the prize me, by the way, this is what I call a do what I say, not what I do. I love alcohol. I feel as if I've gotten more out of alcohol, then it's gotten out of me a great Churchill quote. Although, although you write in the book that in your twenties, and thirties, alcohol mess with you. Yeah. I did it did. And I'll I'll come back to that. But basically alcohol was seen in a lot of instances ruining relationships taking people's health op track careers coming undone, and what I when I look back when I first moved to New York in the eighties, and I took a job at Morgan Stanley every night I'd go out and get pretty much drunk with other people that felt like they were successful, not a quote by sound town, and it had sort of what I call artificial relevance and fabulous to it. And I found that over time I was less effective at work. I lost touch with a lot of people. I wasn't investing in relationships with my family, and I decided after two years of that I was just going to dial it back in the problem. I find with young people. Is that their litmus test, whether they have a problem with substances, as they say? Am I addicted have I had an intervention? Am I living under a bridge, and if they have a job, and they're well liked, and they're doing well? They think I don't have a problem with substances and let's not that black and white. There are nuances here and eighty to ninety percent of substance abusers are functioning substance abuse. The better question is if I dialed down X Y substances, whether it's transfats whether it's hall, whether it's pot whether chopping wood, I just be better at a bunch of things, and what I counsel, my kids on my students is take stock of external substance and imagine you did a half two thirds eighty percent more because there's also I think this narrative it has to be zero or one totally give it up, or you don't have a problem. Everything in moderation one hundred percent. So, but for me it was something where I felt a lot, healthier a lot better. And but yeah, that's definitely the one thing they found the best practice if there is a hack. And of course, the students want to get to the one thing is they found that the cohort. Was happiest it was pretty pretty straightforward. It was based on depth and number of meaningful relationships in their live. Coming up, we continue our conversation with.

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